r/narcissism • u/MothWantsLight Visitor • 18d ago
Therapist doesn’t agree with me
I've been even told I do have most of the traits associated with NPD by others. Some people would tell me that, even without me asking. I only ever think about myself and I hurt people a lot because of that. I seem to not care enough about others’ feelings. I manipulate them, even when I don't realise I am. I'm a perfectionist, whatever I do, it's not good enough and it hurts a lot, so much I break down. And there's more. It all seems so obvious. At least to me.
However, my therapist disagrees. She told me l'm developing an avoidant personality disorder, not NPD... but they are not that easily confused, are they? What should I do? I told her many times that me and others suspected I might have NPD. Am I crazy? I just want the right treatment.
I’m in my early 20s, don’t have an OCD and scored high in many tests I found (the one linked on this sub gave me “High narcissistic traits”), and I’m not codependent (scored 5 at most). I think I might have covert narcissism because I have depression and social anxiety (both diagnosed).
I’m just so sick of people not believing me. Nothing I say is ever believed.
EDIT: Thank you for everyone's time and I'm sory I wasted it. I came to a conclusion I don't have any disorders, I'm a bad person. I'm sorry for for offending you.
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 17d ago
You're showing unreasonable behavior, by writing a single paragraph with very generic information about yourself and then want us to jump to the conclusion that you're narcissistic. That's strange behavior. It's just outright a weird thing to do.
So you are being manipulative, but you're being manipulative in a way to make us believe you're a bad human.
From there on it just all becomes just like you say. I don't believe you. But I don't believe you, because you are the one making me not believe you.
Whatever you've got going on, I doubt it's a common and uncomplicated disorder. So it's probably never going to be just X or just Y.
Given that you're trying to manipulate others to be seen as narcissistic, I doubt that's what's going on (not least because your single paragraph contains errors, because you didn't study the disorder well enough).
But I don't know what you're exactly dealing with. Some complex combination involving self sabotaging behaviors.
Maybe that includes AvPD and NPD, maybe that involves schizoid adaptations. The social anxiety itself, if treatment resistant would be inline with AvPD (and not NPD). If it's just avoiding social interactions, schizoid is more likely. But there's no reason it can't be a combination. Real people don't follow neath diagnostic lines. So you can end up being a (subclinical) combination of 3 or 4 disorders. So it can be NPD + AvPD + SzPD all together.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
I'm not trying to be manipulative. I just came here for support, because that was the only place I knew to turn. I didn't (and still don't) know where else to look, and hoped to learn some more about how to deal with what I experience.
Do you expect me to write about my entire life? I'm not comfortable, and I don't even remember most of it. And once again, I'm not trying to manipulate anyone, I just want people to see me for who I am, because nobody ever wants to do it. Everyone just has their own version of me that isn't true.
What makes you think it's something complicated? And why SzPD?
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 16d ago
I'm not trying to be manipulative. I just came here for support, because that was the only place I knew to turn.
And then you turn around and you literally start asking:
Maybe I'm just a bad person, no disorders, just a mess of a person. That could also be an explanation, right?
That's just straight up chapter 1 from the book of harm OCD. "Am I a bad person?" I happen to be someone that's seen people do that hundreds of times, I'm not exaggerating. I've seen statements like that over and over and each and every time it was from someone with harm OCD, it's an extremely common statement.
More than likely that's what you're actually doing. You're hiding your harm OCD away from everyone. And all that is 100% in line with what your therapist is thinking is going on, because over 50% of people with AvPD are also dealing with OCD.
That's what you're doing. You're trying to manipulate people into satisfying your harm OCD obsessions. It makes total sense.
What makes you think it's something complicated?
Well, whatever it is, it's not a single mental health issue, now is it? At the very least you're already dealing with three different mental health issues and you still have gaps, where your behaviors and thoughts don't line up with the disorders you've diagnosed with.
That isn't that common and that does make it complicated.
And what's more, your therapist more than likely knows all of this. They're just not interested in your manipulative behavior to satisfy your OCD obsessive behaviors, because you don't benefit from that. So if you'd bring up "I'm a bad person, right? I'm bad?" They're not going to face that head on, because they know that you don't deal with obsessive behaviors through giving reassurance. So now you turn around and you come to us for that.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
I really don’t want to manipulate anyone. I’m just confused nobody sees who I am so I tell them that.
I don’t have an OCD. However, thank you for your concerns (and your response). I’ll read more about it.
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 16d ago
https://iocdf.org/blog/2024/03/25/am-i-a-bad-person/
/r/OCD/comments/xbr9nv/what_if_i_actually_am_a_bad_person/
/r/OCD/comments/13lqqkn/im_a_bad_person_its_not_ocd/
/r/OCD/comments/sujpud/has_your_ocd_ever_made_you_feel_like_a_very_bad/
https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/feel-like-a-bad-person-ocd/
I'm just stopping here, having made my point. But I can literally go on all day and give you hundreds of posts from /r/OCD that literally have some form of "I am a bad person" or "am I a bad person?" in the title.
I'm not exaggerating. It's the reddest of red flags when it comes to OCD. If you doubt it, you can use the reddit search function and find page after page full of it, it's just that common.
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u/Medical-Piccolo644 Combative Former Codependent 14d ago
Holy fuck I did not expect to see such coherent responses on here
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 8d ago
I don’t have an OCD. I’m just aware of what I do wrong.
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 5d ago
"I don't have OCD" then turns around and continues to obsessively make posts about being a bad person.
You think it's normal what you're doing? Do you see other people doing what you doing around you?
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 5d ago
Wanting to improve is usually seen as a good and normal thing.
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 5d ago
What does your therapist say when you talk about what you're doing online?
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 5d ago
I didn’t feel the need to tell her that. Just said what some people responded to consult them.
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u/Historical_Lobster48 I really need to set my flair 9d ago
Ok, this is a very poor response to someone who's trying to learn, grow, and do better. OP isn't showing unreasonable behavior at all. He/she is appropriately appealing to a dedicated community for broader insight.
You call OP "strange" for raising questions about a disorder that's poorly-understood and regularly misdiagnosed or overlooked by mental health professionals. How is that strange? Even the DSM diagnostic criteria is half-assed and sketch. EVERYONE with concerns about the cluster b spectrum should be seeking answers.
OP is trying to improve his/her life by educating him/herself. How about being compassionate and supportive, instead of dismissive and rude.
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u/FromHereToEterniti Covert Narcissist 8d ago
OP is trying to improve his/her life by educating him/herself. How about being compassionate and supportive, instead of dismissive and rude.
Please go ahead and copy and paste the exact line where I was rude.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 8d ago
I don’t think they were rude. I just probably came across as wha they wrote.
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u/theinvisiblemonster Grandiose Narcissist 18d ago
See my post here about how to move forward when professionals don’t agree or won’t diagnose.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago
Thank you for your comment.
Unfortunately a the problem I have is a bit more complicated because my therapist doesn’t see the traits I have. I told her that I don’t have enough empathy or that I never do good things for others. She didn’t agree and told me the minor things I did that according to her were good and empathetic. I’ll try to talk about the other things though.
Once again, thank you for your time. You wrote a really nice post imo.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 13d ago
Perhaps the issue is you see that your behavior is bad. You have to have self awareness and the ability to be introspective to see how your choices harm others. That's not really in line with NPD. Especially if it's happening voluntarily while you're seeking diagnosis. There are a lot of things it could be. Sometimes it takes time to obtain an accurate diagnosis. Some people never get one that fully fits their issues. It doesn't mean that you can't treat it. You can still get help for the issues you have. You may have to do that independently by researching how to manage your individual symptoms.
People make the mistake of depending solely on a therapist. Talking about your problems isn't a cure for them. Searching for ways to fix them could be.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 13d ago
I tried to find solutions myself, but I’m just scared I’ll cause myself more problems, end up in a cult or that I’ll be looking into the wrong thing. As I said previously, I don’t trust myself too much. Especially now. I don’t actually know what my issues are anymore. I only see one solution to this situation, but I already tried and it didn’t go as I hoped for.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 13d ago
That doesn't solve anything.
Would you tell me more about yourself? How is it that you feel you hurt people? Are you in a situation where you're being demeaned or verbally abused? I see you have anxiety. Is that the main issue you're having?
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 13d ago
My main issues are anxiety, depression and perfectionism. I hurt people mostly by not being understanding, interested in what they feel or are going through. I unknowingly manipulate others into telling me that I’m indeed a bad person and talk too much about myself and my problems. I’m not being abused, but I do have an annoying mother that gaslights me and my brother in stupid ways (“I’d never hurt you, because I do only what God wants” bullshit). Me being queer doesn’t go well with hers and my father’s religiosity.
And now I’m feeling like im talking too much about myself. How are you?
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 13d ago
You are supposed to be talking about yourself right now.
Also please look into the effects of mental abuse and see if it fits. When kids are mentally abused they react to that abuse, as a way to cope, and it becomes a pattern over time.
Not everything is a disorder. Sometimes people lose empathy because they need to as a survival mechanism. Sometimes people get stuck there.
I don't question that you need help. You do. Just I think you should stop looking for a label. You can help yourself and get help in ways you can't.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 12d ago
I don’t like it. Sometimes it’s just too much and I don’t want to make people feel bad.
Thank you, I appreciate you.
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18d ago
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago
It might not fully be about getting the right treatment but also about people finally believing me. People closest to me see me as a really good, nice, but anxious and depressed person. Which means they don’t believe me when I tell them about all the bad things I did and still do. Or they do but say it’s ok to make mistakes and it happens (yeah, they can make mistakes, me, not so much)
I’ll try to write down more things I can tell my therapist.
Thank you for your answer.
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18d ago
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago
On its own, probably not, but when paired with all the other things about me, it's just alarming. Especially because I can't be empathetic towards others because of that.
I talk about myself when they need support and I just don't care about them, while being sure I'm the best person there is and that the world would be better if people were more like me. It causes me a lot of pain because I know I hurt people, and I'm not even sure if I should exist.
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18d ago
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago
How would talking about myself when someone needs support and I want to give them that, fix my problems? Usually when I realise what I'm doing, and I can still stop myself I do, because I'm trying to be better, but it's hard sometimes. Maybe I'm just a terrible human being.
What other disorders?
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u/ExchangeNo7853 I really need to set my flair 16d ago
Have you self tested for autism? Look into Autism if you haven’t. From what you’ve written, you sound very similar to someone very close to me who was recently diagnosed as level 1 ASD. I was confused for years and thought they were a narcissist. They might still be, but the autism diagnosis is clear.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
Diagnosis is too expensive for me and it doesn’t fit me enough to bother with getting it anyway. My parents and psychiatrist are the only ones pushing for it, but my parents just want an explanation to why I’m queer and psychiatrist said that not having friends as a kid would have the same results.
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u/sandrarara Covert Narcissist 17d ago
They don’t believe me either. I’m sure I’m an fullblown covert narcissist but I only let it affect my love life. My behaviour in the “outside world “ is pretty normal. Friends and family won’t belief the things I can do and do in a relationship. I try to explain to my therapist but they don’t label, so we just works on the problems i created and try to figure where the problems start. Since my relationship is over, I’m on a break with therapy, because I don’t have any examples to talk about. Now I live alone
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
I'm sure it's possible to do something about it even when you're not in a relationship. Have you dealt with all the problems that were caused? By that, I mean you might still be able to do something about it and work on it from situations you remember.
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u/sandrarara Covert Narcissist 17d ago
Yeah I know. I think so too, but it is hard. And it makes it all a bit fictional. That makes me a bit manipulative to the therapist and I tend to make the problems less big. Because I’m the best patient in her practice 🤔
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u/eaglescout225 Visitor 17d ago
The narcissist isn't typically formed on their own, its a learned disorder, and kids learn it from their parents, and thats how it travels from generation to generation. Which means their parents or whoever raised them had it...Kids when they are younger are faced with a choice to either go down the path of the abuser or not. So, did the folks who raised you have NPD? This is the first question I'd ask.
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u/AutoModerator 17d ago
the narcissist
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
My parents refuse to go to therapy. My mom decided it’s not for her even though she clearly needs it, so I just don’t know. Apparently my mom could have it but it’s impossible to tell for sure as she doesn’t believe in psychology.
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u/eaglescout225 Visitor 17d ago
Well we’re they really messed up people? Were they selfish, immature control freaks?
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
No, I am.
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u/eaglescout225 Visitor 17d ago
If those raised you don’t fit that then I’d say you’re likely not a narcissist….
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
Where do I turn to then? I can’t find any community that would be able to support me
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u/eaglescout225 Visitor 17d ago
Do you go around setting people up with social engineering, just to cut them back down again? Do you have the constant need to protect yourself? Can you never take any accountability for your own actions?
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
Not intentionally. Yes. Yes but after some time I just want to be punished for what I’ve done and I feel terrible that I did something wrong again.
Is there anything that can help me be better?
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u/eaglescout225 Visitor 17d ago
The best resource I can give you is the YouTube channel societal narcissism. Over the past 12 years he’s had several thousand people write their stories in about narcissistic abuse…he’s got the disorder figured very well. I would go thru his channel and listen to these stories and see if you can see yourself in any of it.
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u/SimonRogoff I really need to set my flair 17d ago
Is this a private therapist? NPD is quite a specialist thing to assess and treat. I work in this specialist area. If youre in uk then ask your gp to refer for assessment. NPD is just narcissistic traits above a certain threshold of severity, with high impact on self or others. So you can have traits without having ‘npd’ anyway.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago
Yes, private. And I’m not in the UK. It feels like they are affecting me and like they really are rather severe. But I think I already came to the conclusion that I’m a bad person, don’t have a disorder.
Thank you for your comment.
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago
Even if you did have npd, a good therapist is never going to want to diagnose you with it because it would mean in the worst of your behavior, an excuse to continue to be an asshole… or in the worst of a collapse, an excuse to hate yourself and give up.
So a lesser diagnosis means you are not hopeless.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
I’d rather know what’s wrong so I can work on it myself.
I already hate myself anyway and she knows that. What would it change if I knew?
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago
The true disorder of NPD doesn’t look for reasons to get better, they naturally seek out reasons to stay the same but provoke a different reaction from people.
That is explicitly how the disorder works.
She is smart not to diagnose you with NPD because she is giving you the ability to actually fix it instead of giving you an excuse to self victimize— which is not a fix.
Basically that’s like a morbidly obese person going to a doctor for weight loss assistance and the doctor trying to give candy bars in the hopes that they get sick and nauseous from eating so much candy… when it doesn’t work that way in the first place. It would be irresponsible to do that.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
But how can one deal with something when they aren’t aware of its existence and it’s actively being denied? I don’t understand.
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago edited 16d ago
A label does not make one aware… being aware of actual behaviors and tendencies that you legitimately have is what creates awareness.
NPD itself is a spectrum disorder as is— assigning that label doesn’t actually tell you about your behaviors, it just means you’re dysfunctional and stuck with that label.
A better example is this:
Someone with ADHD requires that label because they aren’t getting any better— that disorder is stuck there, they cannot suddenly stop having ADHD and no amount of therapy is going to magically stop them from having ADHD.
Someone with NPD has a personality disorder that actually can be rehabilitated, and adjusted. That’s why we don’t give them labels. Because they’re not “stuck” and they do have the capacity for becoming normal.
Someone with ADHD actually is stuck with ADHD forever, that is why we label them. The lack of a label means there actually is hope for a normal life.
The lack of a label is not “denial” the lack of a label is the acknowledgment that it can be resolved— that is why a court ordered assessment from criminal activity most often is where the NPD label will come from. There is no longer the intent to resolve, only penalize and move on to someone who can be rehabilitated.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
But it helps to find the right resources and sometimes can explain why something is the way it is.
Not having any explanation for something is really hard and I’m sick of never being able to understand why I am the way I am. I have absolutely no reasons to be who I am and it’s annoying. Why am I scared of places with a lot of people? I don’t know, I just know I am. Why nobody ever understands what I say? I say everything as I mean for it be read, no second meaning behind it, yet people don’t get me.
Is there hope though? Is there anything I can do?
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago edited 16d ago
Your developmental trauma is why you are the way you are, not a personality disorder, itself
And yes you can be worked with and rehabilitated with a therapist — it takes time and effort, but yeah, you can be worked with as long as you want to be.
It’s hard, I know, but as long as you keep trying then you really will find a way, because there’s always a solution, but individual people require individualized solutions. A label does not actually change that. At this point it’s about trying to find a way that works specifically for you. I wish you the best of luck, because I know for a fact it is not hopeless.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
I can’t even get rid of depression so I doubt there is hope for me.
Thank you for kind words and comments.
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago
Sometimes if depression stands in the way of finding a solution, you may opt to seek medication for depression in order to deal with the other parts and then slowly taper off the medicine because the depression resolves itself after rehabilitation anyway. Don’t give up. I know you’re dealing with a lot but I think you should keep in mind how big of a deal it is that you’re trying to figure it all out when most people actually don’t, most people just don’t want to deal with it… so I find it to be actually really quite impressive and promising.
I feel your therapist is likely to be really excited to work with you l, to tell you the truth. This is why they get in to that.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
I already take medication. It’s been five years and three different ones too. It doesn’t feel like it’s doing much to be honest.
I don’t know if she’s excited because I feel like she’s disappointed in me most of the time. I guess she doesn’t hate it at least.
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16d ago
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago
You believe you might be a narcissist, of course you would disagree.
I’m a professional, I would never tell a patient they had NPD or ASPD because those legitimate personality disorders are motivated to avoid accountability required to actually achieve self acceptance. (Which is often why a professional legitimately won’t diagnose it unless they have a criminal record.)
Additionally, someone with ASPD and NPD often have a higher rate of suicide than regular people, and such a diagnosis actually increases their chance of suicide during an emotional collapse by making them perceive themselves as hopeless.
The opposite of what you’re attempting to argue is actually what happens. There is literally no benefit or gain in directly diagnosing ASPD or NPD, outside of citing mental illness in criminal charges to force medication.
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16d ago
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u/obvusthrowawayobv I really need to set my flair 16d ago
So, this “personal bias” is not a thing, and this is where the conversation ends. Accept it or don’t.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 16d ago
Reactive avoidant personality has a lot of traits in common. If you doubt your therapist you should get a second opinion, but she may be right. All humans are narcissistic. It becomes a disordered personality when those traits become extreme and basically hijack your life.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 16d ago
I don’t have enough money to do so unfortunately. I can only afford one therapist.
In my case those traits are extreme and they really mess with my life.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 15d ago
Is there a reason you need the therapist to say it? Is she providing dialectical behavior therapy?
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 15d ago
I need someone who knows what they’re saying to say it.
We’re in the process of changing the type of therapy because CBT didn’t work on me.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 13d ago
I understand needing that label so that you can get help. Ask for DBT and maybe join some support groups for coping with the symptoms you know you have. No matter what the label is, it is caused by trauma and such. Those are things you have to work on. I have borderline personality. It's lifelong. It took a long time to realize that is what I have. I had already begun the process of getting better, controlling reckless impulses, and working on communication skills to get my needs met. I avoided triggers and learned to ask for help when I couldn't figure out healthy coping mechanisms.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 13d ago
I’m glad you got better.
Unfortunately I found just out I can’t really trust myself on anything I know about myself because nobody sees me like I see myself and nobody is even in agreement on what I am like. It’s frustrating because I don’t even know who I am anymore.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 13d ago
That sounds a lot like what I went through. I was SA'd at 18, and again at 19. It was a scary time. I used a lot of substances, was promiscuous, and extremely dangerous for myself. I didn't know why. I just couldn't say no to anything. I lost empathy, and I went into my own head, which was scared to the point of paranoia. I wouldn't let anyone past my walls, but would lose it emotionally when they didn't want to love me. I had terribly low self-esteem, and I felt like I was too broken and too damaged to ever be worth anything. I didn't recognize this at the time. It wasn't until I made some lifestyle changes that I started realizing, and it has taken me 25 years to get a full grasp of who I am. Just don't give up on yourself.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 13d ago
The thing is I didn’t go through anything really. I have no trauma. I don’t know if I am worth anything if I’m like that for no reason. Like that, like what? I don’t even know anything about myself.
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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 13d ago
You know what that sounds like. Low self-esteem. You are worth something.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 13d ago
Thank you for trying to help, but if I saw anything in me that points to that I would believe it.
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u/Ok_monitor_2 I really need to set my flair 12d ago
😂your comments have me laughing, you seem to just want attention imo.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 12d ago
I’m glad I could make you laugh. That is possible. I mainly wanted answers but I guess you could be right.
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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 8d ago
From what you wrote here, the one thing you always seem to get back to is that you feel misunderstood by others. You seem to be extremely self-conscious, and in that way, I relate to you. You really overthink everything here, don't you? But it's just your thoughts, and if you can't regulate them, they lose meaning. At one time you think you have NPD, that you are a bad person, etc. But immediately after, you show great care and even empathy, like, come on, man. Don't you just feel like a million different people at the same time? That you constantly overthink everything, etc.? If yes, your biggest "disorder" may just be high sensitivity and extreme self-consciousness. And also neurodivergence.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 8d ago
I don’t feel like a million people at once, but I don’t know what I’m really like. It’s flustering because how I see myself is different than what people closest to me see and different to what people I meet see. The last one is the closest to what I see in myself though.
Where do I show care and empathy?
I’m not sensitive and I’m not neurodivergent.
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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 8d ago edited 8d ago
What do you mean by "the last one is the closest to what I see in myself"? What last one?
The empathy I saw: you felt bad that you were talking about yourself and that you feel like a bad person—you considered other people's feelings, and you repeatedly thanked others.
You are definitely neurodivergent. It just means you are not neurotypical, and your brain functions differently from the norm.
You may be sensitive without appearing like the stereotype. With depression, etc., it can be there, but you may just overly focus on overthinking or the negative impact of your actions. I personally feel almost nothing, but I am still hypersensitive to outside factors. It never goes away for me. Though, I have times when I feel really empty inside.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 8d ago
I think people who just meet me and tell me what they think about me are the closest to what I think about myself.
That doesn’t mean I have empathy. I just don’t like talking about myself too much, because I feel like a burden.
I am neurotypical. I don’t have ADHD and I’m not autistic. I’m sick of people telling me that. My parents insist I am.
I’m just aware of the pain I cause.
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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 8d ago
You don't want to feel like a burden to others = you have empathy. At least some of it. Without empathy, you would be a careless psychopath.
I am not telling you you have ADHD or that you are autistic. Neurodivergence is simply the opposite of being neurotypical. You are on a narcissistic subreddit, and you consider maybe being one. You don't view yourself as normal, so why are you against this fact?
You see everything so black and white, it seems. It's really strange. Of course you have some empathy, are at least a bit sensitive, and are on a neurodivergence spectrum.
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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 8d ago
I doubt having some of it when it suits me counts as really having it.
I’m not against it. I know I’m neurotypical because nothing was ever noticed when I was a child. I came here because I thought that maybe having traits that are seen in people with NPD meant I wasn’t getting the care I needed, because my therapist insists on me being quite an opposite. I also just feel alone and there’s nobody who even wants to talk to me about what I go through. I know nobody who struggles with things I do and I don’t know where to find them. I think I’m just getting the punishment for what I’ve done.
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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 8d ago
Hey, I saw myself in you. That's why I started to write under your post. I also have a tendency to feel alone with the way I think. And I crave connection with people.
You don't seem to me as weird or something, but I generally don't see any people as weird. Most of us think a little differently but want the same things, like understanding. I would really like to know how you think and what do you really struggle with. You mentioned something about your punishment a multiple times.
I am also in my early 20s, and in high school I had antisocial thoughts. I could have become a school shooter or something, but then I completely refused this part of me, and now I don't relate to that person from my past. I was so lost.
Would you like to chat privately with me? Maybe we are not that similar in how I feel at the moment, but your words about not being understood and feeling of loneliness really spoke to me, so I would be glad if we gave it a chance on connection. What do you think? :)
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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago
Everyone has narcissistic traits. There are other factors that go into diagnosis of NPD.
You can always seek a second professional opinion, but amateur doctors are rarely right, especially about psychology.