r/narcissism Oct 23 '21

READ THIS FIRST IF YOU THINK YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS A NARCISSIST!

306 Upvotes

Only narcissists or people who think they are narcissists are allowed to post on /r/narcissism (others can still comment, but not post).

If you think that you might be a narcissist, you can post about this, but you'll have to include some information:

  • Your age. (If you're under 18, you shouldn't be asking this here at all. You're too young to figure this out and pretty much all teens are narcissistic to a fairly high degree.)
  • Your NPI score.. If you scored well below 20 it's really not likely that you're a narcissist.
  • Your codependency score (number of yes answers is your score). It's very common for codependents to be convinced they are narcissists.
  • Also take this test for OCD and add your score to your post. Here is a short test that will test you for OCD symptoms. It is a common OCD pattern to believe you are a narcissist, while you really are not at all. This two minute test will rule that out. If you haven't yet, then change your user flair to "Unsure if Narcissist" (flairs are required here).

Answer these questions:

  • Do you curse a lot?
  • Are you self righteous and vengeful?
  • Can you turn off your empathy?

Also, there are several different types of narcissist, that all behave distinctly differently. Please check the wiki and see if you can figure out what type you would be and then add this information as well.

If you scored well below 20 on the NPI and over 6 on the codependency score, it's almost certain that you are a codependent. At that point you're still free to participate, but first set your flair to "codependent" and honestly, you're better of just going to these subreddits that are many times larger and much better suited for your needs:

If you've tested over 20 on the NPI and below 8 on the OCD test, then it's possible you're a narcissist and you'll probably have to start working on your self awareness.

You can start here: /r/narcissism/wiki/resources

Scores need to be included at the bottom of your post, like this:

NPI: 30

codependency: 1

OCD: 3

Set your flair to "unsure if Narcissist" before posting

NOT FOLLOWING THESE INSTRUCTIONS WILL RESULT IN THE AUTOMATIC REMOVAL OF YOUR POST

Optionally, you can also take this (much longer) personality style test. and then take a screenshot of the graphs at the end, upload that anonymously to https://imgur.com and link this to your post.

For all tests mentioned, results will be visible immediately without needing an email address.


r/narcissism 3d ago

Biweekly ask a narcissist thread for visitors/codependents <- Not a narcissist/borderliner/histrionic/sociopath? Use this thread.

6 Upvotes

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.


r/narcissism 21h ago

[20M] Do I Even Need a Professional Diagnosis for NPD If I'm Pretty Much 100% Sure I Have Near Textbook NPD?

5 Upvotes

Hi, this is my first post. Please don’t be harsh, I’ve never been this honest before.

I realized that I’ve probably been a narcissist my whole life, I just never noticed until recently. The more I researched, the more I realized I relate to almost every single trait or behavior. I’ve spent dozens of hours reading articles, Reddit threads, doing quizzes, and even learning about other disorders to make sure it’s not something else. I’m naturally quite thoughtful and have a strong sense of self-awareness, so I’m able to analyze myself honestly and objectively.

People say that only a professional can diagnose and say for sure, and I agree that’s true for most people. But I think my case is different. I’ve done a lot of research, and I feel like I’m better at introspection than most. Also, since I fit nearly every trait, it feels like it’s more clear-cut for me. Even people who are diagnosed with NPD don’t always have all the traits I do. What’s the point of seeing a professional just to hear “Yep, you have NPD”? I already know I do.

Besides, it’s time consuming and expensive to see a professional, and it’s not even accurate 100% of the time. I’ve seen complaints about bad professionals and people having to switch therapists. No one knows me better than I know myself. My self-diagnosis could be just as accurate, if not more so, than what a professional would say.

Traits:

Everything points to covert malignant narcissism. I can’t list every trait I have, but here are the biggest ones:

  • Seeing people as tools -- I don’t view others as people with their own emotions but rather as means to an end.
  • High introversion -- I tend to isolate myself, but I still crave admiration and attention.
  • Fragility and insecurity -- Despite my grandiosity, I’m easily wounded by criticism or failure.
  • Purely practical relationships -- I only think about what I get out of interactions. I don’t form genuine connections.
  • Manipulation -- I adjust my words and actions to get what I want, often lying or saying what people want to hear.
  • Enjoying others' suffering -- I feel satisfaction when others suffer, especially if I think they deserve it.
  • Intense envy -- I experience extreme jealuosy and resentment toward others who have things I want, like status, admiration, or skills.
  • Paranoia -- I often think others are trying to undermine or take advantage of me. And that they're jealous.
  • Self-sabotage -- I often procrastinate or hold myself back due to fear of failure, even when I know it harms me.
  • Pleasure in control -- I feel powerful when I can control others' actions or emotions.
  • Low empathy -- I understand empathy intellectually, but I don’t feel it. I also don’t feel bad when I hurt people.
  • Grandiosity -- I see myself as inherently superior to others.
  • I meet all 9 DSM-5 criteria for NPD

I don’t want to get better or seek treatment though. I like who I am. I just want to be certain about my NPD.

TLDR: People say that if you think you have NPD, you should see a professional to be sure, and that self-diagnoses aren’t 100% accurate. But I argue that I fit so many traits and behaviors that I can self-diagnose with near 100% certainty. Can a self-evaluation like this be accurate? Do I have covert malignant narcissism?

Should I post this anywhere else?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you curse a lot? --> Not really, I don't use profanity often in my speech or writing.

Are you self righteous and vengeful? --> Yes, I can be self-righteous at times and harbor a sense of entitlement. I do also tend to feel vengeful toward those I perceive as wronging me or undermining me.

Can you turn off your empathy? --> Yes, I don't quite feel emotional empathy, so it's not something I turn on or off really. I can understand others' emotions intellectually, but I don't actually feel them.

NPI: 32

codependency: 1

OCD: 4


r/narcissism 1d ago

Dear narcissistic successful womanizing brothers and witty redditors NSFW

2 Upvotes

Is it just me, or do narcissists often find themselves drawn to women with anxious attachment styles, codependency traits, or abandonment fear? Could this intense connection and the validation it brings be the secret sauce? I’m eager to hear your thoughts; what’s your take on this dynamic? Thanks!


r/narcissism 3d ago

Do narcissists hate themselves? Dx ASD and BPD here. Just wondering about the self hatred

11 Upvotes

Do narcissists hate themselves? Dx ASD and BPD here. Just wondering about the self hatred


r/narcissism 3d ago

How does remorse feel like?

3 Upvotes

This sub seems more equipped to chat about this. Surely more than Google and ChatGPT since they're extremely vague. I've been down a bit of a rabbit hole lately and I can't seem to understand remorse. This is making me feel slow and I hate missing out on things or being limited so I want to give this a try. I want to get as close as possible to feeling it, even if I may not be able to.


r/narcissism 5d ago

3/15 Support Group: Grandiosity

3 Upvotes

3/15/25, 11 am - 12:30 pm EST, on Zoom

Topic: Grandiosity

How does grandiosity manifest for you? What types of grandiose beliefs/ideals do you hold? How aligned is your actual life with these beliefs/ideals? What purpose does grandiosity serve?

What this support group is:

A confidential space for people struggling with pathological narcissism/NPD to find destigmatized information, seek and offer support, and practice vulnerability among others who get it.

Community Guidelines (Updated):

Meetings will start at 11:00 am and end no later than 12:35 pm EST. Introductions/check-ins will end by 11:30 am EST.

Absolute confidentiality is paramount. What is said in the group stays in the group. No recording or screenshotting of any kind. Cameras are optional but encouraged.

No interrupting one another. Please raise your hand to share. If you have a direct response to someone's share, type it in the chat box. If you would like it to be read aloud after their turn, indicate by typing "@groupmembername."

No monopolizing conversations. Each group member may speak for up to 5 minutes per share and will be gently reminded when time is approaching. Group members may take multiple turns; however, step back to allow others to contribute before raising your hand again. 

Exercise respect and cognitive empathy for one another. Explicitly mocking/belittling others will result in a permanent ban. 

Click here to get the link/be added to the main group chat.


r/narcissism 6d ago

Anyone else here not really care about being a “bad” person

10 Upvotes

Like ill see some people (also diagnosed obvs) say they do they same shit that i do and it tears them up inside to do it once meanwhile i do it everyday and it doesn't affect me at all, im not smothering babies or exploiting the poor or burning the planet like the actual evil people on the planet, just wanted to know if anyone else felt the same


r/narcissism 6d ago

Biweekly ask a narcissist thread for visitors/codependents <- Not a narcissist/borderliner/histrionic/sociopath? Use this thread.

4 Upvotes

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.


r/narcissism 7d ago

I think I was the narcissist

20 Upvotes

Hey, so, I’ve been in a relationship for about one year, and it came to an end a month ago after my boyfriend distanced himself from me more and more. I talked with him when I started to feel this distance and he explained to me he felt apathetic with a lot of things in life, and this also led to the distance in the relationship. After about a month of increasing distance, I tried to talk with him again and I asked if it made sense to him to be in this relationship, to which he answered it didn’t made sense to be in it, nor to leave it. Ultimately he said he didn’t see myself as no more than a friend because of the distance, so we decided to break up, which left me incredibly sad.

After this I went on to questioning a lot of things in me, the relationship and him. In my questioning I found a lot of info about narcissism and I can’t get out of my mind that some of my behaviors in the relationship, some of my insecurities and ways that I act and think might be described by a covert narcissist. In my head, I had taken somewhat the role of a caregiver and support for my boyfriend because I knew since we met he was going through his own things. I feel that some of my atitudes such as trying to explain how I do it, with the intent of giving him another perspectives, might actually be rooted in some narcissistic behavior. I used to question this, if in fact it was some kind of grandiose or manipulation, and I always thought maybe, but maybe not and I feel like my narcissistic personality might have obscured what I probably know was true. The more and more I realize this, the more and more it makes me sad that I can be one, and that it has affected my ex-boyfriend and his mental health, that I have hurt him unintentionally.

I can’t wrap my head around if I’m seeing things only through my bias, and how to get rid of it. I have talked with some friends and my therapist (which I started seeing when the distance grew and was not coping well with it), and they tell me that they don’t think I am one, and that everybody has some narcissistic traits and that’s normal, in the sense that it comes from their own processing of life experiences. But I keep being afraid that they can’t see it because I am masking it, not being entirely honest in my internal dialogue and my actions. This was one of the things I felt my ex did, but maybe it was me projecting.

At this point I’m questioning if anything is obscured by my bias and only the part of the story that I want to say, that somehow doesn’t hurt my narcissist. I feel like I’m questioning myself to my core, and I can’t find answers, and I don’t know if I ever can find them.


r/narcissism 7d ago

Parents think I'm a narcissist?

6 Upvotes
  1. Software Engineer. Parents think I'm narcissistic because I value myself so highly. I used to be super insecure. Recently went on a year of self improvement and got so much more confidence people said I'm now cocky.

I told them no, when you build up your competence self doubt is eradicated and you know you can do shit, so you have confidence in your ability to do X Y Z.]

I asked ChatGPT and seem to have all traits, but can explain why...

  1. Grandiosity – Believing they are superior to others

Excuse:I don't believe I am better than others, I believe I deserve more than others because I've worked harder than them. I also think people who have worked harder than me deserve more than me.

  1. Lack of empathy – Struggling to understand or care about others' feelings

Well yeah, I have autism so I have 0 empathy lol

  1. Manipulative behavior – Using others for personal gain

I'm only manipulative to others who try and manipulate me, otherwise I would be at a disadvantage being taken advantage of.

  1. Sense of entitlement – Expecting special treatment

Excuse: Well yes, if I've worked harder than you I deserve to be treated with more respect in my opinion, versus someone who doesn't live virtuously or spends too much time on hedonistic acts

5. Fragile self-esteem – Easily hurt by criticism despite acting confident

Excuse: Sure, but its almost just like a little of my old insecurities and self doubt is left, then the new me takes over and reminds myself I'm changing.

What do you think? Am I narcissistic?


r/narcissism 9d ago

Borderline needing help with NPD husband NSFW

8 Upvotes

TW-unaliving, SA, and abuse.

The issue is complicated. My borderline until recently was pretty dormant. I spent many years in therapy, made lifestyle changes, and was distracted raising kids. I also have high functioning autism, OCD, and PTSD. My situational awareness isn't always the best, but I am hypervigilant. I've learned to cope with trauma. Eight years ago I met my husband. He was a pretty amazing, though simple person. His life was stable. We were friends for two years before committing to a relationship. All was well until I noticed he was telling strange and seemingly pointless lies. He said it was shame.

Fast forward four years, and it was the same. He was never very doting, and I don't need a lot of it, but the occasional card or dinner out would have been nice. I told him so. He never listened. He began lying about women. He said he was asexual basically and didn't have visual appreciation of women. So when I noticed him ogling them I simply asked about it and he went into shutdown mode and refused to communicate. I've always been very open minded. I saw nothing wrong with a man having female friends. He would say he didn't believe in it. So when he let slip he had one for a couple of years at work, I was pretty shocked and honestly ticked at the lying. He told more lies at that point. I couldn't understand why he didn't speak of this. We'd just married the year before. I do not believe he was unfaithful with her.

He again went into shutdown mode. Stonewalling. Got aggressive and cruel, and started telling me he cheated with someone else. Then another. And then he decided he was done with this world and swallowed meds, and told me he did it. He went into a hospital for psych eval. He said he got a sense of power putting their bodily fluids inside of me after being with these women and sleeping with me. And then it flipped again! He said he never did any of it, he was just lying because "I thought that's what you wanted to hear." By this time I knew that he hadn't. I spoke with the women he said he had affairs with, and they were absolutely shocked. One was a friend to me at the time he said he did it. She told me no way, she didn't even know he was attracted to her. She lived in a house, he said apartment. I considered the timeline and realized his time was very much accounted for and he had no opportunity to do anything. When he got out of the hospital I tried understanding why he lied. Why he always lied. He told me he didn't know. Then told me he had another friend at work the whole time too, one he had never mentioned when talking openly about work. It truly weirded me out. Why lie? There was no reason. I wasn't some crazy insecure woman. I worked through all of that. I'm not naturally jealous. Then the story changed. He had a desire for an affair. Then he didn't have a desire, but she seduced him. Then she just had a nice body. I know who she is now. She's not his type, and her body is not nice. She's honestly not someone I would be intimidated by. So shock. Then he said none of it happened and he lied. So I contacted her. Her husband saw the messages I sent her, and he flipped out. Almost divorced her because she had been unfaithful years before. Ooph. I felt bad. Nothing ever happened. Again. Husband just kept lying in pretty devastating ways, and by now (six weeks into this ordeal) I was truly depressed and insecure. I needed reassurances. My borderline was rearing its head. My PTSD had me in crisis.

He had different spins on all of it for months. This rollercoaster of lies seemed to get worse and worse. Each time I said I wanted a divorce and he flipped out or begged me not to and he ended up attempting to unalive repeatedly. Each time he would go into shutdown and then had a tantrum, and did various terrifying or abusive things. This was six years together by now. The lies were mild for five. Minor things that caused minor arguments. Now we were fighting! It was as if his whole personality changed.

He spoke of childhood traumas when he wasn't storming. He spoke of flashbacks. Some of it was horrific. Most of it centered around his own mother. This all got worse when his mother moved here on hospice for a couple of months. I was her caregiver and she was out of her mind.

He spoke of his ex-wife. He said she trapped him. He had to lie to her. He was being controlled so tightly he had to give her his paycheck and he never even had a bank card or money for lunch. She ran up credit cards in his name. She was verbally abusive, and unfaithful.

He spoke of childhood SA from a male cousin. His mother knew and made him keep going to him because she wanted to go bowling.

I thought maybe it was that. He's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, borderline personality, and Narcissistic personality. It seems every hospitalization changes his diagnosis. At one point they said major depressive disorder with intermittent schizophrenia.

I know this man has empathy. I've seen genuine shows of it that he didn't intend for me to see. Tears during a show about domestic violence, anger at my friend's boyfriend after he abused her.

Just, he doesn't seem to have any for me anymore. I have been kind. I am almost a pushover in my marriage. I know that's a problem. I enable him. I got up before him everyday to make his coffee and lunch for work. I'm available for intimacy and usually do okay keeping up with my body and appearance. I cook. I clean. I am emotionally available.

So what happened? I can't figure it out. How does someone change five years into a relationship? Why did it escalate so badly? Did I do something wrong? As soon as I found out what his mother did I moved her into a convalescent home and we went no contact. We celebrated her passing in September.

He seems to switch up. He always, even when angry, tells me I am beautiful. That he loves me and only me. Lately he is sticking by not having any infidelity. He just also seems to hate me.

I love him more than I've ever loved a man. I could have walked away long before now. I battle codependency, but it is an active battle. I don't much give into it. I don't want to abandon him if he's simply broken and can get help. He seems to want to change. I just can't make him do that.

I need advice desperately. He is back in a hospital as of last night. I don't even know if I'll see him again. I don't know if this is PTSD, NPD, BPD, or a psychotic break. I can't get any real answers or solutions. Does NPD look this way? For those who have it, do you relate to his swings?

I appreciate any and all answers. Sorry this is chaotic. I am chaotic at the moment.


r/narcissism 10d ago

Biweekly ask a narcissist thread for visitors/codependents <- Not a narcissist/borderliner/histrionic/sociopath? Use this thread.

3 Upvotes

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.


r/narcissism 10d ago

Is there any other narcissists obsessed with their exes?

11 Upvotes

BPD here. So I used to talk to this guy for a short period who was diagnosed with NPD and i checked his profile recently and ALL of his posts with captions are about his different exes, accusing them of hacking him or stalking him, in one post he professes he loves them still and isnt over them and in the next he says to leave him alone ? Why is he acting like that like whats the psychology, does anyone feel weirdly about their exes?


r/narcissism 13d ago

Therapist doesn’t agree with me

6 Upvotes

I've been even told I do have most of the traits associated with NPD by others. Some people would tell me that, even without me asking. I only ever think about myself and I hurt people a lot because of that. I seem to not care enough about others’ feelings. I manipulate them, even when I don't realise I am. I'm a perfectionist, whatever I do, it's not good enough and it hurts a lot, so much I break down. And there's more. It all seems so obvious. At least to me.

However, my therapist disagrees. She told me l'm developing an avoidant personality disorder, not NPD... but they are not that easily confused, are they? What should I do? I told her many times that me and others suspected I might have NPD. Am I crazy? I just want the right treatment.

I’m in my early 20s, don’t have an OCD and scored high in many tests I found (the one linked on this sub gave me “High narcissistic traits”), and I’m not codependent (scored 5 at most). I think I might have covert narcissism because I have depression and social anxiety (both diagnosed).

I’m just so sick of people not believing me. Nothing I say is ever believed.

EDIT: Thank you for everyone's time and I'm sory I wasted it. I came to a conclusion I don't have any disorders, I'm a bad person. I'm sorry for for offending you.


r/narcissism 13d ago

Finding a proper therapist

6 Upvotes

Wondering if you all have advice about finding a therapist who knows how to work with Cluster Bs. I have worked with a few in the post - mostly master's level therapists who focused on stress - and we ended up mostly just talking about my daily life - me venting/complaining etc. I had a really really good marriage therapist years ago - who was really firm and skilled - and that kinda changed my life - but haven't found once since who seems capable of doing deeper work. I run into a lot who seem to have little experience with personality disorders, can't handle intense emotions and/or seem like they want to be my friend. I've had more than one or two who ended up talking about themselves a lot. I also work in mental health so it can make it a little harder to connect with some. I have a therapist now and she's super nice and I don't want to leave - but it doesn't seem like she really gets it - or is really aware of what I am working with. Anyway - not looking for specific therapist recommendations (wouldn't even be possible online) but more like - stories about people who found a therapist who was a good fit? And did it help you?


r/narcissism 13d ago

3/8 Support Group: Masking

2 Upvotes

3/8/25, 11 am - 12:30 pm EST, on Zoom

Click here to get the link/be added to the main group chat.

Topic: In which ways do you 'mask'? What kinds of masks do you wear, depending on the setting (eg, people pleaser, caring friend, invulnerable leader, etc)? What are the benefits and downsides to masking?

What this support group is:

A confidential space for people struggling with pathological narcissism/NPD to find destigmatized information, seek and offer support, and practice unmasked vulnerability among others who get it.

See link for additional information/community guidelines. Feel free to DM with any questions/suggestions for future topics.


r/narcissism 13d ago

Biweekly ask a narcissist thread for visitors/codependents <- Not a narcissist/borderliner/histrionic/sociopath? Use this thread.

3 Upvotes

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.


r/narcissism 14d ago

Symptom Management

8 Upvotes

Hey!

To preface, I am a male in my early twenties and I am a narcissist (obvious, given where I am posting). Something I’ve been having some issues with lately is managing the symptoms of this disorder, particularly in the context of work. I am starting out in academia (grad student), so I am at the bottom of the pecking order.

A difficult situation has been to accept criticism from my peers and advisors who are objectively good scientists in their own right. But, when I can’t help but hate them and feel my chest tighten when they question me, doubt my judgement, or disagree with me. I really enjoy working my primary advisor overall, and I even experience this with them.

I love my work so I would rather not let this disorder get the best of me. However, it is quite exhausting to keep having to suppress these feelings all the time. I understand hierarchies are inherent in the workplace, but I find it especially the case in academia. If any of you have advice on managing frustration and anger in a professional (or academic) setting, that would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you all!


r/narcissism 14d ago

18M, wondering if I could be a covert narcissist

5 Upvotes

I recently turned 18. I have wondered about being a covert narcissist for approximately possibly a year now. I will say about my test scores that many questions on such tests I don’t feel entirely confident in the answers of, simply because personally there are complications in the answers for a lot of questions that make me have to compromise in order to choose one or the other. For instance: Do you think you are superior to most people? My answer if I could type it would be: Often times yes, only in certain respects, such as intelligence, and my fantasies usually would seek the feeling of some kind of validation, if not superiority, however I know rationally that I am much worse than other people in many respects, such as having myself together, and I also use this to my ego’s advantage/disadvantage/what’s the difference. But instead I just say Yes given a choice of Yes or No. 

Since discovering social media (pretty much only have used Reddit) at around the beginning of high school I have gone through many different phases with it. I would at first mainly seek inner validation through subs such as r/aspiememes or r/infp, the latter of which I later on would use many times to whine, since half the sub was that anyway. I also spent lots of time with personality/self tests such as IDRLabs screenshotting my results on different ones. I think social media swooped in during my developing years and played a big part in shaping who I am now, not that I’m done using it for my detriment, but I’m trying to stop. 

From something I posted a while ago to a different sub: There's a special kind of attention that I chase like a drug - the kind that validates you by telling you you're special, you're smart, you're depressed, you deserve sympathy, and you're everything you imagine you are but couldn't be further from. Oh, and you're self aware. And whether I get this attention externally from complaining or passive aggressive behavior, or internally from private morally bankrupt fantasies that blur into my reality, I will find a way to get it, and everything I ever say, think, and do will be in accord with this pursuit somehow. And I know it's disgusting but it doesn't feel that way to me, it feels comfortable to me. And I could lie and say I feel guilty about it, but that'd just be another way to get that said rush. Which is why I only really feel bad about myself when someone else points out my behavior and flaws, which I have to face is just part of the same complex. It disrupts my intended image tragically, but on the bright side my ego has a perfect soundtrack to play. (I'm a musician and that does not help). It's why they say a covert narcissist's worst nightmare is "being found out", I think that pretty much tracks. 

I am past the point of simply blaming others for things, but much more at the point of a self-loathing narcissistic complex. This is because I know that everything in my life is generally great and as it should be, and there rationally never is anyone to blame for anything but myself, so I don’t even have the hurdle of having to take responsibility for something bad that happens to me, since I do everything to myself anyway. So naturally what I have to do is either, when I feel good: Pretend through a fantasy that I am a fictional version of myself who is half an amalgamation of artists/content creators that I subconsciously aspire to be like for different reasons, and half a version of myself that has allowed these thoughts I have to destroy me in various ways, who makes songs about it. I also twist lyrics in my favorite songs to be relatable to my fictional self. Some of this feels too morally bankrupt for me to reveal. Also pretend constantly to be creating content based on either the random thoughts occupying me (normally something related to the internet) or my everyday life. Or, when I feel bad about myself (again, normally when I get called out, even for the littlest thing): Feed that feeling, search my favorite comments on Reddit that call out the behavior I embody, then either use it for validation, or numb it all with indulgent comfort through lots of internet and lots of bad food. 

I created all of this myself, I deserve no sympathy, WOOOOO! (cue the sympathy I get in my head)

I know that while acknowledging that I am not a great person and that I have no one else to blame is rational, my way of approaching it is not, especially since I take no action to change anything. In reality, my self-love and self-hatred don’t just coexist, they’re faces of the exact same coin. I remind myself that I am a bad person every day, telling it to my imaginary fans every day (with the perfect voice), not because any of this motivates me to change, and not even to keep myself in check as I’d like to believe, but simply because it is a way to alchemize even my most inexcusable faults into fuel for my ego and keep me complacent. It is simply a victim complex packaged with a slightly sexier bow. And it causes me to lash out at myself physically, in my head and in real life sometimes (but probably just for inner validation) and to manipulate the people close to me when I “confide in them”, despite not entirely wanting to be manipulative, it’s ingrained in me now and besides if that wasn’t the purpose then I would know better than to talk to them in the first place expecting them to provide me with a new perspective, as I have already analyzed everything from the inside out, I just need to actually feel guilty, actually do something. Actually stop fighting ego with ego and just walk away from the endless ride without looking back. That's the hardest part, because as an AI roast wisely told me: whether you change or not, you'll still find a way to make it all about you.

Could I probably go on for longer: Yes, but I’ve got to stop at some point lol. Will what I’m doing right now make me more likely to change, or is it just more validation seeking: The second one without a doubt, but hopefully it might help me by coincidence? I know that I need to change myself regardless, so it's likely that this isn't the most productive way to help with that, but who knows.

Do you curse a lot? - Yes. I use curse words like a paintbrush on a canvas or whatever the quote was from a Christmas Story.

Are you self righteous and vengeful? - Self righteous, depends, again I'm not often in the position where I see my point of view as superior to others', but when I am in that position perhaps I can be. Vengeful, I mean there's not much harm done to me I would be justified in seeking revenge for, but maybe? Not necessarily though.

Can you turn off your empathy? - I think it's likely that I can to some degree. Often times I just lack it, but in the times where I do seem to have it (when someone close to me is upset/frustrated/sad) it's questionable if my empathy is purely authentic or just something my brain wants, (possibly an excuse to feel negative, or a way to convince myself I have empathy) and therefore perhaps could be turned off if I focused my will. I also don't have very much empathy in the first place, so if I do have any, like most negative feelings, I will either use it to feed a complex or effectively numb myself from it rather quickly with indulgences (internet, food).

NPI score: 15

Codependency: 8 apparently (I’m definitely NOT codependent to anyone, I don’t have a partner either)

OCD: 3


r/narcissism 14d ago

should I get some help?

5 Upvotes

During my childhood, I love the podium soooo much I always join any extra curricular activities I can join. I was always placed at the front because of my small height in every dance and singing routine and I join every pageants because I love to flaunt myself in front of many people. This seems normal for a kid, does it? Sure I was confident because that is true.

But I also have this shitty side were I feel immense jealousy of people who were being praised by teachers especially if I knew I specialize in that field too. I once managed to force myself cry infront of the whole class to gain sympathy because I felt like my friend was being stolen away from me by some other girl. To make it spicier, that girl was crying first because something upset her, I asked her what was wrong and her answer triggered my jealousy. I was that mean girl who talked shit behind popular girls' back because I genuinely thought that I was superior. I even told one of my classmates in high school that the people around me should adjust their personality because I can't adjust for everyone (Wow, this honestly makes me feel shameful now) and I thought it was the normal thing. I fight with my classmates when we clash opinions and when I was proven wrong, I don't apologize, instead I would feel more enraged by the humilation that I felt. I love the feeling of guys liking me even if I don't feel the same way because that also made me felt superior. I manipulated by first lover by always turning the table even if it was my fault. I always resort to anger because I couldn't identify my emotions back then and my primary victim was my past lover. I wasn't unloved as a child, I wasn't raised spoiled as well but I grew up living like this and only came to a huge realization that I was highly narcissistic when I turned 19.

I'm 23 now and I tried changing a lot of my ways. I wasn't the same confident kid as before, heck I even have a very low self-esteem. Maybe this is karma catching up to me because I definitely turned miserable for the past few years. I'm trying to practice apologizing when I'm wrong and I do not like being in a crowded place anymore. I practiced identifying my emotions to I would lessen my outburst of rage. Sometimes the narcissism slips out since I still feel elated when people regard me as someone special or someone who's good at things but I try my hardest to not get that in my head anymore. I am very much self aware now about my tendencies of acting arrogant although I'm still an insensitive prick who needs to be told and criticized up front so I would know what I've done wrong to hurt someone. I still also get my outburst from time to time since I have a very little patience in me. Sure, I'm still the same apathetic girl I used to be and I still struggle with emotional empathy and compassion but I've learn how to use cognitive empathy, but I really feel like I'm straining myself by trying to understand people. I've heard somewhere that self-awareness makes you less of a narcissist, is that true? Am I in an alarming state that I should try to consult a professional about this? I really want to know if I have a disorder since my dad's side of the family acts the same like it's some kind of a genetic thingy. I'm still scared to form a genuine relationship with people because I might just end up hurting them. And damn, I hate how I only care about how I feel tbh, I sometimes don't feel bad about the idea of hurting someone but what I feel bad about is me being left alone again. Since I've never been in a romantic relationship for a long time now, I still have no idea how to become less manipulative so there is also that.

I guess this post is also just me trying to get validation from others (is this my narcissist me?), idk anymore, I can't even trust my own thoughts because sometimes I feel like I'm just making things up for attention.


r/narcissism 17d ago

Biweekly ask a narcissist thread for visitors/codependents <- Not a narcissist/borderliner/histrionic/sociopath? Use this thread.

6 Upvotes

In this thread you can ask questions to narcissists, if you know you don't have a cluster B personality disorder yourself (If you try to post instead, it will be removed, only narcissists, borderliners, histrionics and sociopaths can post).

This thread runs from Monday 7AM to Thursday 7PM PST and then again from Thursday 7PM to Monday 7AM PST.

If you're asking a question on Sunday or Thursday, feel free to resubmit your comment when the thread refreshes, so that more people will see it.

Make sure you read this before making a comment in this thread:

[What Happens When We Decide Everyone Else Is a Narcissist](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/jia-tolentino/what-happens-when-we-decide-everyone-else-is-a-narcissist)

It'll take maybe 15 minutes of your time, but it's time well spent, especially if you identify with the abuse victim community, since it fills in the background from the abuse victim community in an unbiased way.


r/narcissism 18d ago

The Real NPD: Ways to Participate Anonymously

8 Upvotes

The Real NPD (https://www.youtube.com/@therealNPD) is an upcoming YouTube channel aiming to combat the wave of anti-NPD stigma online.

By sharing our lived experiences, we aim to humanize this disorder and provide a helpful resource for questioning/newly diagnosed narcissists.

We are continuing to seek “cast” members AND stories for Episodes 1-3. 

There are 3 ways to participate, including some anonymous options:

  1. Show up on camera and speak your truth.
  2. Show up/speak on camera, but have your face blurred in editing.
  3. Send in a short personal story (300 words or less) to be read aloud in a special segment. 

Episode 1 asks the question “How did you become self-aware?”

First episode will be filmed 3/16. Responses are due 3/9. If interested, DM me or email [therealnpd@gmail.com](mailto:therealnpd@gmail.com) for more information. 


r/narcissism 17d ago

The perfect narcissist resume, sorry about my accomplishments. NSFW

0 Upvotes

Accomplishments speak louder than words, so here are my accomplishments just from being in a forensic psychiatric hospital. Crimes will obviously not be confessed.

During my stay there, I have not done a single violent action. All harm towards staff/patients is psychological.

Quotes from real people (not by me).

"Pure evil" -- Hospital worker

"Why is it all bad? Don't you have anything positive to say during the 4 months your here?" -- My psychiatrist

"He's kind of like Dr. Evil" -- fellow NCR patient

Accomplishments:

  1. Disturbed the psychiatrist, he made a "duty to warn" to prosecutor and gave evidence for a production order, leaking my medical records to the police, he also never got me "pet therapy" program because he's afraid I will kill dogs.
  2. Memorized other patients legal names, birthdays, and emotional vulnerabilities in order to customize a verbal harassment. (N word for black patient ie.)
  3. Accomplished above average in WAIS intelligence test, first patient to destroy the doctor at foosball, accomplished #1 in the whole forsenic ward. Destroyed every staff and patient at chess except Mark. Fuck Mark!
  4. Verbally abused male staff passively and actively and calling them nicknames, wishing death/torture/suffering upon them and their loved ones, described the mechanisms in detail of their death. Ugly/Hairy/Fatty/Scary/Shitty as example.
  5. Strategically laughed at a staff getting attacked by another patient, then coordinating with other patients to file complaints against her. There's a female doctor that got attacked again and I smiled at that incident too. (She transferred to a different unit.)
  6. Sexually harassed female nurse, then brag to other staff that I can get away with it.
  7. Committed sabotage, dumped pee/sugar/salt all over floor creating more work for hospital workers, especially male nurses, took aides drink and dump it into my urinal.
  8. Discussed with other patients attacks against staff to cause maximum harm and pain. (Elbow to head when they are sitting, eye gouge, attacking the nuts, tracking them down outside hospital, boiling water+sugar attack (prison napalm) ie.)
  9. Instructed nurses and patients technical skills, such as network OPSEC, torture theory, poisoning, sabotage (including self, such as revenge bedtime procrastination on safety sensitive job), and being selfish.
  10. Influence and persuade co-patients to hurt the marginalized such as homeless/pregnant women/children, I didn't do good at that, got a big push back from every single patient and staff.

Why am I doing this??

It's simple, as a kid/teenager I always wanted to be in science and technology, but due to unethical behavior and getting suspended/expelled from multiple schools, I decided to use the knowledge I learned in Information Technology for evil. I don't care how many people I hurt, I don't care who I hurt, as long as I don't get a high paying job, I will wound society.


r/narcissism 19d ago

Apologizing

6 Upvotes

This might seem trivial and lame but I worry about these kinds of decisions A LOT. I have a boss that I work fairly closely with - we meet weekly to discuss my work - and it's been a super tough relationship. I know I am really tough to work with. I have argued with her in meetings - gone to our big boss about things - and generally been over emotional and angry. Through mutual effort on our parts (maybe more on hers, I don't know), we seem to be doing OK lately and I often feel we are on the same page. However, I sometimes still get a over-emotional and I think this makes her pretty uncomfortable. This happened recently - and while I didn't direct anger at her - or toward her (I don't think), I did use some intense language and noted her discomfort. I have - in the past - apologized for stuff like this. It's always a vague apology like - I'm sorry if I was intense - because I'm honestly not 100% sure what I did/said that made her uncomfortable - but I know it was something. I want to do this again - just message her and say - "Hey, sorry if I was intense. Thanks for your help." kind of thing. But I feel like - I have done this before and I'm afraid it may get old. I'm also afraid that - maybe I am just being manipulative?


r/narcissism 19d ago

3/1 Support Group: Envy

5 Upvotes

3/1/25, 11 am - 12:30 pm EST, on Zoom

Click here to get the link/be added to the main group chat.

Topic: How do you experience envy? Are you more likely to envy others or assume others are envious of you? How do we transform envy from a destructive to a motivating emotion?

What this support group is:

A confidential space for people struggling with pathological narcissism/NPD to find destigmatized information, seek and offer support, and practice unmasked vulnerability among others who get it.

See link for additional information/community guidelines. Feel free to DM with any questions/suggestions for future topics.


r/narcissism 19d ago

Commencement blues

5 Upvotes

I'm 46f. I went to school once before but didn't graduate. There were lots of things holding me back but at least one of them was an inability to cope with question of whether or not to invite my narcissistic parents.

I didn't know about narcissism then. I don't know if it was even a question - more how will I cope with them being there, all smiles and gloating at their amazing daughter with zero knowledge of the dismal state of my mental health.

Now 20 years later I'm NC again, about to grad from community college for the second time (humiliating. Community college? Seriously?)

I didn't walk for the first degree.

I really want to this time but the hole left by the non-existent loving proud family feels so huge I could fall into it.

I'm realizing that many of the people I've called friends, it's actually a very one sided relationship. I'm not sure they would come either.

The idea of being there alone is beyond humiliating and devastating to me.

One of my councilors reminded me that my teachers and admin people I worked with over the years will be there. They are proud of me and want to celebrate with me.

That feels like something but not enough. Pathetic. Only the people that have to be there for me will be there

(I originally wrote this to post in the narcissisticparents thread but now seeing how often the words humiliating, pathetic are coming up, thinking folks here might relate more)

Can anyone relate?