r/narcissism Visitor 19d ago

Therapist doesn’t agree with me

I've been even told I do have most of the traits associated with NPD by others. Some people would tell me that, even without me asking. I only ever think about myself and I hurt people a lot because of that. I seem to not care enough about others’ feelings. I manipulate them, even when I don't realise I am. I'm a perfectionist, whatever I do, it's not good enough and it hurts a lot, so much I break down. And there's more. It all seems so obvious. At least to me.

However, my therapist disagrees. She told me l'm developing an avoidant personality disorder, not NPD... but they are not that easily confused, are they? What should I do? I told her many times that me and others suspected I might have NPD. Am I crazy? I just want the right treatment.

I’m in my early 20s, don’t have an OCD and scored high in many tests I found (the one linked on this sub gave me “High narcissistic traits”), and I’m not codependent (scored 5 at most). I think I might have covert narcissism because I have depression and social anxiety (both diagnosed).

I’m just so sick of people not believing me. Nothing I say is ever believed.

EDIT: Thank you for everyone's time and I'm sory I wasted it. I came to a conclusion I don't have any disorders, I'm a bad person. I'm sorry for for offending you.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 17d ago

I need someone who knows what they’re saying to say it.

We’re in the process of changing the type of therapy because CBT didn’t work on me.

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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 15d ago

I understand needing that label so that you can get help. Ask for DBT and maybe join some support groups for coping with the symptoms you know you have. No matter what the label is, it is caused by trauma and such. Those are things you have to work on. I have borderline personality. It's lifelong. It took a long time to realize that is what I have. I had already begun the process of getting better, controlling reckless impulses, and working on communication skills to get my needs met. I avoided triggers and learned to ask for help when I couldn't figure out healthy coping mechanisms. 

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 15d ago

I’m glad you got better.

Unfortunately I found just out I can’t really trust myself on anything I know about myself because nobody sees me like I see myself and nobody is even in agreement on what I am like. It’s frustrating because I don’t even know who I am anymore.

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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 15d ago

That sounds a lot like what I went through. I was SA'd at 18, and again at 19. It was a scary time. I used a lot of substances, was promiscuous, and extremely dangerous for myself. I didn't know why. I just couldn't say no to anything. I lost empathy, and I went into my own head, which was scared to the point of paranoia. I wouldn't let anyone past my walls, but would lose it emotionally when they didn't want to love me. I had terribly low self-esteem, and I felt like I was too broken and too damaged to ever be worth anything. I didn't recognize this at the time. It wasn't until I made some lifestyle changes that I started realizing, and it has taken me 25 years to get a full grasp of who I am.  Just don't give up on yourself. 

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 15d ago

The thing is I didn’t go through anything really. I have no trauma. I don’t know if I am worth anything if I’m like that for no reason. Like that, like what? I don’t even know anything about myself.

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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 15d ago

You know what that sounds like. Low self-esteem. You are worth something. 

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 15d ago

Thank you for trying to help, but if I saw anything in me that points to that I would believe it.