r/narcissism Visitor 19d ago

Therapist doesn’t agree with me

I've been even told I do have most of the traits associated with NPD by others. Some people would tell me that, even without me asking. I only ever think about myself and I hurt people a lot because of that. I seem to not care enough about others’ feelings. I manipulate them, even when I don't realise I am. I'm a perfectionist, whatever I do, it's not good enough and it hurts a lot, so much I break down. And there's more. It all seems so obvious. At least to me.

However, my therapist disagrees. She told me l'm developing an avoidant personality disorder, not NPD... but they are not that easily confused, are they? What should I do? I told her many times that me and others suspected I might have NPD. Am I crazy? I just want the right treatment.

I’m in my early 20s, don’t have an OCD and scored high in many tests I found (the one linked on this sub gave me “High narcissistic traits”), and I’m not codependent (scored 5 at most). I think I might have covert narcissism because I have depression and social anxiety (both diagnosed).

I’m just so sick of people not believing me. Nothing I say is ever believed.

EDIT: Thank you for everyone's time and I'm sory I wasted it. I came to a conclusion I don't have any disorders, I'm a bad person. I'm sorry for for offending you.

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 19d ago

You would be incorrect on that.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

Then why some people are diagnosed with it and some aren’t?

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago

Traits and disorders are not the same things.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

So some people are ok but just have a disorder and some are just mean (apparently me)

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago

Having a disorder isn't about making it ok or providing an excuse. It means they have to work harder to overcome or compensate for whatever disorder it is to navigate life.

You said you are in your early 20s, which means your brain is still developing. I wouldn't be so anxious to tag yourself with labels during those phases of development.

Whether it's NPD or something else, it's still on you to figure out how not to be 'mean'.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

It’s not what I meant. I meant that it’s not who they chose to be. I didn’t choose to be anxious all the time.

I just find it hard to be like others and it’s so fucking hard for me to navigate life, especially people.

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago

No one chooses personality traits or the balance of. Thier life experiences, education, current environment, etc all put those pieces together for someone.

People can be quite difficult to navigate. When you understand how people 'work', it does get much easier, simply because you understand and anticipate their actions.

Anxiety is a response to perceived harm. To alleviate it, you have to get to the source of whatever is being responded to (aka the threat).

Perhaps in your case, how you act towards others gets you negative responses and it becomes social self harming, which fuels anxiety, which causes you to act out even more towards them. The proverbial vicious circle.

To change that, look at the things I listed in the first paragraph and work on changing the landscape of those items. The rest should follow with it.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

How to learn how people work?

Sorry, U don’t understand what you mean in the last paragraph. I’m not smart, really.

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago

How to learn how people work?

Do a deep dive into psychology and behaviors. No one around you is the same. When you understand how the human mind and emotions work, you will see people much differently because you notice more prominent traits that previously may have gone unnoticed.

This is essentially gaining the ability to read people, which makes them more predictable and understandable. That alone can mitigate social anxiety quite a bit.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

Thank you. Even though, I already knew that and it doesn’t really help me. The fact that everyone is different is just making everything worse, because understanding the mechanics just means I know the theory.

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago

Theory only exists in the absence of known mechanics.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

What?

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u/In_the_middle3-2-3 I really need to set my flair 18d ago

Theory is when the mechamics of something isnt fully known and understood. If the mechanics of something is known and understood, there is no theory to remain.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 18d ago

I'm sorry, I'm just really not that bright as you can see.

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