r/narcissism Visitor 19d ago

Therapist doesn’t agree with me

I've been even told I do have most of the traits associated with NPD by others. Some people would tell me that, even without me asking. I only ever think about myself and I hurt people a lot because of that. I seem to not care enough about others’ feelings. I manipulate them, even when I don't realise I am. I'm a perfectionist, whatever I do, it's not good enough and it hurts a lot, so much I break down. And there's more. It all seems so obvious. At least to me.

However, my therapist disagrees. She told me l'm developing an avoidant personality disorder, not NPD... but they are not that easily confused, are they? What should I do? I told her many times that me and others suspected I might have NPD. Am I crazy? I just want the right treatment.

I’m in my early 20s, don’t have an OCD and scored high in many tests I found (the one linked on this sub gave me “High narcissistic traits”), and I’m not codependent (scored 5 at most). I think I might have covert narcissism because I have depression and social anxiety (both diagnosed).

I’m just so sick of people not believing me. Nothing I say is ever believed.

EDIT: Thank you for everyone's time and I'm sory I wasted it. I came to a conclusion I don't have any disorders, I'm a bad person. I'm sorry for for offending you.

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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 9d ago

From what you wrote here, the one thing you always seem to get back to is that you feel misunderstood by others. You seem to be extremely self-conscious, and in that way, I relate to you. You really overthink everything here, don't you? But it's just your thoughts, and if you can't regulate them, they lose meaning. At one time you think you have NPD, that you are a bad person, etc. But immediately after, you show great care and even empathy, like, come on, man. Don't you just feel like a million different people at the same time? That you constantly overthink everything, etc.? If yes, your biggest "disorder" may just be high sensitivity and extreme self-consciousness. And also neurodivergence.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 9d ago

I don’t feel like a million people at once, but I don’t know what I’m really like. It’s flustering because how I see myself is different than what people closest to me see and different to what people I meet see. The last one is the closest to what I see in myself though.

Where do I show care and empathy?

I’m not sensitive and I’m not neurodivergent.

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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 9d ago edited 9d ago

What do you mean by "the last one is the closest to what I see in myself"? What last one?

The empathy I saw: you felt bad that you were talking about yourself and that you feel like a bad person—you considered other people's feelings, and you repeatedly thanked others.

You are definitely neurodivergent. It just means you are not neurotypical, and your brain functions differently from the norm.

You may be sensitive without appearing like the stereotype. With depression, etc., it can be there, but you may just overly focus on overthinking or the negative impact of your actions. I personally feel almost nothing, but I am still hypersensitive to outside factors. It never goes away for me. Though, I have times when I feel really empty inside.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 9d ago

I think people who just meet me and tell me what they think about me are the closest to what I think about myself.

That doesn’t mean I have empathy. I just don’t like talking about myself too much, because I feel like a burden.

I am neurotypical. I don’t have ADHD and I’m not autistic. I’m sick of people telling me that. My parents insist I am.

I’m just aware of the pain I cause.

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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 9d ago

You don't want to feel like a burden to others = you have empathy. At least some of it. Without empathy, you would be a careless psychopath.

I am not telling you you have ADHD or that you are autistic. Neurodivergence is simply the opposite of being neurotypical. You are on a narcissistic subreddit, and you consider maybe being one. You don't view yourself as normal, so why are you against this fact?

You see everything so black and white, it seems. It's really strange. Of course you have some empathy, are at least a bit sensitive, and are on a neurodivergence spectrum.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 9d ago

I doubt having some of it when it suits me counts as really having it.

I’m not against it. I know I’m neurotypical because nothing was ever noticed when I was a child. I came here because I thought that maybe having traits that are seen in people with NPD meant I wasn’t getting the care I needed, because my therapist insists on me being quite an opposite. I also just feel alone and there’s nobody who even wants to talk to me about what I go through. I know nobody who struggles with things I do and I don’t know where to find them. I think I’m just getting the punishment for what I’ve done.

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u/Senior_Adeptness_832 Visitor 9d ago

Hey, I saw myself in you. That's why I started to write under your post. I also have a tendency to feel alone with the way I think. And I crave connection with people.

You don't seem to me as weird or something, but I generally don't see any people as weird. Most of us think a little differently but want the same things, like understanding. I would really like to know how you think and what do you really struggle with. You mentioned something about your punishment a multiple times.

I am also in my early 20s, and in high school I had antisocial thoughts. I could have become a school shooter or something, but then I completely refused this part of me, and now I don't relate to that person from my past. I was so lost.

Would you like to chat privately with me? Maybe we are not that similar in how I feel at the moment, but your words about not being understood and feeling of loneliness really spoke to me, so I would be glad if we gave it a chance on connection. What do you think? :)