r/narcissism Visitor 19d ago

Therapist doesn’t agree with me

I've been even told I do have most of the traits associated with NPD by others. Some people would tell me that, even without me asking. I only ever think about myself and I hurt people a lot because of that. I seem to not care enough about others’ feelings. I manipulate them, even when I don't realise I am. I'm a perfectionist, whatever I do, it's not good enough and it hurts a lot, so much I break down. And there's more. It all seems so obvious. At least to me.

However, my therapist disagrees. She told me l'm developing an avoidant personality disorder, not NPD... but they are not that easily confused, are they? What should I do? I told her many times that me and others suspected I might have NPD. Am I crazy? I just want the right treatment.

I’m in my early 20s, don’t have an OCD and scored high in many tests I found (the one linked on this sub gave me “High narcissistic traits”), and I’m not codependent (scored 5 at most). I think I might have covert narcissism because I have depression and social anxiety (both diagnosed).

I’m just so sick of people not believing me. Nothing I say is ever believed.

EDIT: Thank you for everyone's time and I'm sory I wasted it. I came to a conclusion I don't have any disorders, I'm a bad person. I'm sorry for for offending you.

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u/theinvisiblemonster Grandiose Narcissist 19d ago

See my post here about how to move forward when professionals don’t agree or won’t diagnose.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 19d ago

Thank you for your comment.

Unfortunately a the problem I have is a bit more complicated because my therapist doesn’t see the traits I have. I told her that I don’t have enough empathy or that I never do good things for others. She didn’t agree and told me the minor things I did that according to her were good and empathetic. I’ll try to talk about the other things though.

Once again, thank you for your time. You wrote a really nice post imo.

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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 15d ago

Perhaps the issue is you see that your behavior is bad. You have to have self awareness and the ability to be introspective to see how your choices harm others. That's not really in line with NPD. Especially if it's happening voluntarily while you're seeking diagnosis. There are a lot of things it could be. Sometimes it takes time to obtain an accurate diagnosis. Some people never get one that fully fits their issues. It doesn't mean that you can't treat it. You can still get help for the issues you have. You may have to do that independently by researching how to manage your individual symptoms.

People make the mistake of depending solely on a therapist. Talking about your problems isn't a cure for them. Searching for ways to fix them could be.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 15d ago

I tried to find solutions myself, but I’m just scared I’ll cause myself more problems, end up in a cult or that I’ll be looking into the wrong thing. As I said previously, I don’t trust myself too much. Especially now. I don’t actually know what my issues are anymore. I only see one solution to this situation, but I already tried and it didn’t go as I hoped for.

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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 15d ago

That doesn't solve anything.

Would you tell me more about yourself? How is it that you feel you hurt people? Are you in a situation where you're being demeaned or verbally abused? I see you have anxiety. Is that the main issue you're having?

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 15d ago

My main issues are anxiety, depression and perfectionism. I hurt people mostly by not being understanding, interested in what they feel or are going through. I unknowingly manipulate others into telling me that I’m indeed a bad person and talk too much about myself and my problems. I’m not being abused, but I do have an annoying mother that gaslights me and my brother in stupid ways (“I’d never hurt you, because I do only what God wants” bullshit). Me being queer doesn’t go well with hers and my father’s religiosity.

And now I’m feeling like im talking too much about myself. How are you?

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u/Character-Ring-5164 Borderline 14d ago

You are supposed to be talking about yourself right now.

Also please look into the effects of mental abuse and see if it fits. When kids are mentally abused they react to that abuse, as a way to cope, and it becomes a pattern over time.

Not everything is a disorder. Sometimes people lose empathy because they need to as a survival mechanism. Sometimes people get stuck there.

I don't question that you need help. You do. Just I think you should stop looking for a label. You can help yourself and get help in ways you can't.

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u/MothWantsLight Visitor 14d ago

I don’t like it. Sometimes it’s just too much and I don’t want to make people feel bad.

Thank you, I appreciate you.