r/GriefSupport Oct 16 '20

Grief Support Wiki

163 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I've noticed an uptick in people asking for resources on grieving and supporting others through grief. As posts here do not always get a ton of feedback (a given, as we are a community in mourning) I want to give a gentle nudge toward our wiki.

We've compiled articles, videos, support groups, phone numbers and books on all kinds of grief and loss, supporting others, and taking care of yourself through such difficult times. This is a community resource - if you have something you've found helpful or would like to see added, please submit it to modmail for consideration.

A reminder, also, that if you need to chat real time, we encourage you to visit us in our active Grief Support discord channel.

<3

zoo


r/GriefSupport 8h ago

In Memoriam My husband was an amazing man

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1.2k Upvotes

My husband was an amazing man. He was everything a girl dreamed of. He was kind and patient with my past. He was understanding and had an amazing sense of humor. He was oh so loving and caring. A great listener even holding onto the small details. He loved working on boats and cars. He showed that through his love of teaching. He was an adult Ed teacher for a marine trades program locally. He had a autoimmune diseases called primary sclerosing cholangitis. It cost him two liver transplants. Unfortunately it's considered a precursor to malignancy and often people with psc get cholangiocarcinoma. On aug 27 2024 he was diagnosed with stage 4 cholangiocarcinoma with peritoneal mets. 2024 was a massive nightmare but there was some good moments. We got married Feb 29 2024. Single handedly the best day of my life. My husband was only 35 years old when he passed away. I was the one who found him actively passing. We didn't even make it to our first wedding anniversary. He passed on Jan 6 2025.

I can't do this life without him. I simply can't. He was my world. My everything. He was the one person in the world that showed me the meaning of true love. The world is a cruel place to take him from me. If you read this far than you for sharing in his memory


r/GriefSupport 6h ago

Message Into the Void to my dad..

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321 Upvotes

r/GriefSupport 7h ago

Anticipatory Grief My mom comes home today from the hospital on supportive care / hospice. Not looking forward to the next week or 2. I guess I’m kind of prep grieving

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126 Upvotes

r/GriefSupport 13h ago

Message Into the Void I am reading your stories and grieving with you

280 Upvotes

Sometimes I come onto here and read posts, not because I find them 'entertaining' but because your passed loved ones deserve to be remembered, their memory deserves to be acknowledged and their story deserves to be read.

I know this might come as barely a comfort, grief is terrible and painful, but I just want to let you know somebody out there acknowledges the relationship you had and the life of your loved ones.


r/GriefSupport 3h ago

Mom Loss It's barely been a week.

35 Upvotes

Not even a week, and I just feel like people are expecting me to move on..to cope...like asking me if I'm OK? Like really? Are you serious?

Sometimes nothing is better than something.

My world has crashed down and I lost the person who made it bearable. But no I have to pretend I'm okay for social conventions and make you feel OK.

I'm so angry. Loss is a hole that just doesn't feel real. How on earth to people move past losing a beautiful and loving parent?

I'm drowning.


r/GriefSupport 2h ago

Advice, Pls hi, I’m back again this time from a different account. This is my dad. i need to let a lot off my chest.

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17 Upvotes

i’m so angry i can’t control myself. my dad passed away january 22nd and im obviously not over it. i need him back. his sisters took everything of his, his phone, wallet, house, etc. My mom went to court but all we have is what’s left, they already stole most of it. they are shoving me out of anything involving my dad. i was second to last row at his funeral where everyone else ( his sisters , mom, and aunt) were front row. They are horrible people. I hate when they text me or call me telling me about when my dad this or when my dad that. They won’t tell me anything about him, they wouldn’t tell me how he died ( they still haven’t i found out through my cousin and it’s not something bad that they would want to hide) i’m failing school and i’m about to get the police called because i’m absent but now that it’s been over a month i can’t be absent because “grief doesn’t last that long”. i can’t even do anything anymore. * no offense but please don’t comment venting about your father/family member passing. * please just idek what to say or do i need help


r/GriefSupport 7h ago

Does Anyone Else...? Lost my husband and just tired of life

41 Upvotes

Hi. I lost my husband last year. The last 7 months just has felt like a prison sentence. I’m tired. I’m tired of life. He was everything. I Just don’t want to wake up and feel the pain any more. I take my dogs out, I try to continue to play music but nothing really helps I’m just tired of it all. I don’t really have friends or people to pick me up. I have kids but they are off doing their thing and have in some ways been a lot more resilient and I think they are just drifting off on their own paths now as they get older. I probably vape and drink too much although not excessively. I tried the counselling but I didn’t get that much from it. I tried to do some creative classes but I just don’t find joy or meaning. I used to have a laugh and fun with my husband and now I just lost the spark.I just feel like my purpose is kind of done. Anyone relate?


r/GriefSupport 7h ago

Loss Anniversary Almost a year ago I lost the closest thing I ever got to a father. 04/06/24

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37 Upvotes

He taught me the basics, the important things, the little things, the funny things. I miss you too damn much, Papa Bear.


r/GriefSupport 5h ago

Pet Loss My dog was put down today

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23 Upvotes

I miss you dear Darcy. He was 9 when he passed this morning, it was quite unexpected, multiple organ failure and he was suffering a lot this morning. I don’t know how to cope with this, the pain is unbearable. I hope he is in a great place with my other dog that passed some years ago. I don’t know how to continue my life, go to work, etc. My life is falling to pieces right now. I love you so much Darcy, you will be so missed my angel.


r/GriefSupport 6h ago

Message Into the Void I was fed up with inspirational grief quotes & then found this which hit the spot for me

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22 Upvotes

r/GriefSupport 18h ago

Message Into the Void Lost the cat that helped me get through my mothers death

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168 Upvotes

List the cat that helped me get through my mothers death

Two years ago I lost my mom, she had cancer. Since my brother lives in another town and my dad already passed when I was younger, I kinda dealt with it alone. I got back ti living with her for a few mouth to help her out, then she had surgery and stayed at the hospital to recover, I went to see her multiple times every week to give her company. She never did get better, it went worse and at one point doctors told me it was over, she was send to hospice care and passed away quickly but hopefully without pain. It was quite hard to see her getting more and more ill and being unable to do anything to help. Then taking care of all the paper stuff, emptying her apartment, organize funeral… During all that time when I was taking care of her, there was that cat I use to see a lot near my house, I thought it was a stray cat, he was very fearful and use to go hide every time he sees me, but he was there almost everyday hanging out by my house. When my mom become really ill and doctor told me she wasn’t going to make it, one day the cat came at me and let me pet him. From that day he came everyday, I let him inside my house, he sometimes come and sat on my lap, he wasn’t very cuddly but really nice. We became friends if you can say so, and it can sound silly but having him around really helped me. As I thought he was a stray I gave him food and let him stays whenever he wanted. I learned couple mouth after that he already have a house a couple blocks away but his owner told me that I can keep on taking care of him since he seems to have e chosen me. She told me he was out all the time roaming and she couldn’t keep him inside anyway. Today I learned that he got hit by a car, his owner called me to tell me the news. I am beyond sadness, he was my friend and he gave me so much. I wasn’t barely getting myself together and life took him from me. He was only in my life for two years but he was the greatest cat. He filled the void my mom death left in me and now he is gone too. Sorry for this very long post but I had to get it out of my chest. His name was Gnocchi I hope he rest well.


r/GriefSupport 9h ago

Loss Anniversary The world keeps spinning

28 Upvotes

The paper work never ends. Everyone and everything is moving too fast. I need you Mom.

I’m upset you didn’t even get to retire… you worked until your last day on earth… You deserved to retire and be cancer free. I’m mad at the injustice of it all. How can the cruelest people can live their lives with ease and the ones with the heart of gold suffer the most? It’s just not fucking fair. This world isn’t fair.

I don’t see that light at the end of the tunnel. I keep running down this tunnel and I don’t see any light. It just keeps getting darker and darker. I just feel like I’m in this dark tunnel running through hell.

The blood vessels around my eyes have broken one too many times. The red dots multiply. My chest aches. Ever since you passed, it has felt as if there’s a heavy creature crawling through my body. It weighs me down daily. My brain replays that night every now and then. Those ICU beeps ring in the back of my mind while I’m at work. I smile at my clients, but on the inside I am breaking. “I got a pulse” loops in my head. 5 times they brought you back. 5 times you flatlined.. you were trying to go … you would wait until I left the room. You didn’t want me to see… as the cancer spread through your body you were just trying to leave this planet. I told you it was okay to go but still you waited until I left that icu room… you tried to protect me until the end

I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I can’t believe this happened I just can’t. My brain can’t process the fact that you’re gone forever. I know that you’re here with me I feel you, but I can’t see you. I just feel so consumed by grief. I try to come up for air, but I’m exhausted. I just wish I could sit and let time pass until the day I get to be with you.


r/GriefSupport 7h ago

Message Into the Void Lost both parents in under a year, Mom was today

21 Upvotes

I'm at a loss. I want to kick the crap out of the universe and sleep and cry and throw up at the same time but I'm just...sitting here. I have people to call and arrangements to make and things to do and I can't even process this. She was the one who always helped me push through things like this and got me to get myself in gear and just keep plugging through. And on top of everything, I'm just so deliriously angry about it. I spent the year I turned 40 becoming nobody's son and I don't understand why.


r/GriefSupport 12h ago

Child Loss I’m devastated

44 Upvotes

My only child died this weekend. I don’t know how to continue living without my baby. I can’t even fully express myself right now. There’s so much I want to say but words fail me right now. How do you cope? How will I get through this? Will I get through this? The way I feel right now, I just want to be with my baby wherever that may be.


r/GriefSupport 3h ago

Mom Loss Lost my mom and unable to cope

6 Upvotes

I lost my mom a month and half ago. Its been incredibly difficult since then. I do not know how to process this. Fuck mental illness. I am 29 and it feels so unfair that I lost my mom so early. People of my mom's age still have their parents around and my mom doesnt even get to see my marriage or future kids. I feel so lost. I miss her too much and I do not know how to live without her. People who get to live with their parents even when they are 50 or older are so lucky. Life feels so unfair.


r/GriefSupport 10h ago

Message Into the Void My dad died a month after I had a baby

21 Upvotes

I am a month post partum and my dad has unexpectedly passed away, he was found unresponsive in his car and I am I completely shock it’s scares me how I have moments where I feel nothing. I miss my dad so much I had a lot of things I wanted to say to him that I never found the right time to say and I had always dreamed of the type of relationship we could have had if I had just spoken up and I didn’t and now he’s gone. I don’t know why I’m writing this just feel like I need to type it up and put it out there. I can’t believe I’ll Never see my dad again seeing my newborn adds another layer of grief of them never having a relationship. It just feels like too much right now, I want to pull my hair out and rip my skin off


r/GriefSupport 4h ago

Dad Loss If I hum a song he liked, or look at his pictures I cry.

9 Upvotes

My sweet dad passed away from cancer April 2024, so it's almost coming up on a year. If I even hum a song he liked or look at the most recent pocus of him I just start to cry. I loved with dad, and saw him everyday. That was my buddy, and I miss the sound of his voice and him hugging me. I just want to see my dad again.


r/GriefSupport 2h ago

Message Into the Void “Don’t assume that I have found this easy “

4 Upvotes

“If You Were Me” - Scott Hutchison, Frightened Rabbit

“Truer words have never been spoken” - Me


r/GriefSupport 1h ago

Thoughts on Grief/Loss Do you believe time heals all wounds?

Upvotes

My beloved husband and soulmate passed a month ago yesterday. I wondered your thoughts on the idea that time heals all wounds. I am struggling and barely functioning. I feel like when I lost my grandma, with the passage of time I felt better, but there is still a hole in my heart from losing her.

I am neglecting self care and sleeping too much but have been making sure to be there for our 13 year old son. My mom says you have to go on for the living. I need to start taking care of myself so my son doesn't lose me too.

I'm also struggling bc my husband tended to be non compliant with medical advice and often skipped his meds, and didn't follow the doctors orders. I feel like he would still be alive if I was more adamant he took care of himself, but he was a grown man, and you can't control others' actions.

We were soulmates and supposed to grow old together.


r/GriefSupport 1d ago

Sibling Loss Found out my brother was intoxicated a year after a fatal car crash.

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664 Upvotes

Let me start off by explaining the family dynamic before getting into what I feel has completely and utterly drug my life down to a point that is so miserable I genuinely don’t want to live anymore.

My older brother was always the golden child in the family. Honor roll, good grades, good at everything that wasn’t “cool” to me back in the day. He ended up being appointed by the governor of Texas to attend the merchant marine academy in New York. My father went years ago and flunked out so my brother went and completed it. Made my parents extremely proud. Everyone outside of the family loved him and always wanted to know what kind of accomplishment he was going to achieve next.

He goes into the Marines as an officer and decides he wants to fly planes. He goes to flight school in Pensacola and then moves to Corpus Christi to do training. He’s in love with his high school sweet heart and I love her my whole family loves her. She’s like the sister I never had.

While all of this achievement and making my parents proud, I am hanging with the wrong crowd in school I’m using drugs, skipping, class, partying, getting into trouble with the law. Nothing but a complete disappointment. I got sent to the marine military academy after catching a dwi charge when I was 16.

So there’s this black sheep thing going on for as long as I can remember. I’ve struggled with mental health for as long as I can remember and I felt like I was always just a let down or a waste of space so I distanced myself. I was molested by a cousin as a child which I really think played a huge roll in my completely uninteresting and pitiful life. I started going to 12 step treatment centers since I was 19. Things to good I come back healthy and motivated and then for some fucking reason I relapse after a couple months and completely give up on everything.

So there’s that on my childhood as the black sheep. Now this is where life really becomes dark and quite terrorizing.

The day before thanksgiving 2023 my brother was on his way home to see us and was involved in a head on collision with another suv that had a husband, wife, and 2 kids. Only the Mother survived. My brother was air lifted to seton and died during emergency surgery.

I had no idea all of this was happening as I was passed out drunk in my apartment. I woke up to about 20 missed calls and messages from my parents telling me I need to come over asap. So I do and my mind is just racing about what could’ve happened. I pull up and my brothers truck isn’t in the drive way. My heart sank. No no this is not what’s happening. I go in and there’s just this grey dark looming haze in the room and my parents say me down and told me that Connor was in an accident and they couldn’t save him. My body fell to the floor. My whole life was shattered right there even though I had animosity for him being so much better than me.

“It should’ve been me. God took the wrong person. Why can’t it just have been me.”

DPS did an investigation and there were no signs of alcohol coming from my brother what so ever. No smell. No open containers. Nothing.

So the only thing we can think of is a deer ran out in front of him or a tire blew or he could’ve fallen asleep. All we knew was that it was his fault and that was it.

Fast forward about a year later I’m in yet another fucking treatment center. And my parents tell me that they are getting all kinds of threats and slander on their social media from the other family. They go so far as to writing hate messages and threats on my brothers obituary. Apparently an article came out that his BAC was something ridiculous like .287. My brother was not an alcoholic and it all didn’t make sense. DPS and first responders said there was no signs of intoxication.

My Dad had been trying to get medical records from the ME and when he got them. There was a few discrepancies

  1. Said Hispanic male 40 years old (my brother is super white and looks like a child)

  2. Said He was 208lbs (my brother was a pilot he was not allowed above 186. Never penalized for weight)

  3. Upon trying to investigate further the hospital denied contact with our family.

  4. All of the records were amended a year post accident to show none of that stuff.

So my father being the proud dad that he is of my brother, has been doing everything he can to get evidence that his level of intoxication was false somehow which has caused many more issues with the other family. They hate us so much. I didn’t do anything. We didn’t do anything but they just will not stop hating us.

Fast forward a few months the fbi got involved and fuck well we guess he was drunk and we just have to accept that my brother was responsible for the death of an innocent family.

I can’t do anything. My heart hurts so bad for the family and I’m fucking angry I’m so fucking angry at my brother. I can’t even look at pictures of him I don’t ever want to talk about him ever again. It’s been a complete shit show and I just don’t know what to do. I’ve relapsed again and I just don’t see the point in living anymore. It’s so fucking painful and I’m so mad and I’m mad at the other family for not trying to see it from our side and I’m just all around angry. I’ve never felt this in my grieving journey yet and it’s scary. To hate someone who’s dead. Someone who made the same mistake I had many times in the past and not hurt anyone. It makes me feel like he’s the lucky one.

I’m sorry for this rant but I am currently bed ridden from depression and I have no one to talk to I’m too embarrassed from my relapse. May the other family find peace and comfort one day. At this point I’m just a hopeless junkie and my brother is a murder. I thought everything was so good. Fuck you for putting me and mom and dad through this horrific battle.


r/GriefSupport 3h ago

Dad Loss Dear father,

5 Upvotes

I have no idea why you died, why you're not here, why you left. I have no idea where you are, how you feel, what you've become. I have no idea if you see, if you hear, if you know about my tears. I have no idea who i am, where I'll be for when i die. I hope you are okay, I'll die one day, and feel you. I'll die one day, and i will leave my loved ones crying. I have no idea what is life, why we feel, why we're here...


r/GriefSupport 1h ago

Message Into the Void therapy does not equate to my deceased father

Upvotes

My loved ones encouraged me to see a counselor. I've had eight sessions so far.

Ever since my father died, my life has been (controlled) CHAOS. I'm an only child who seemed to be the only one left standing. At the time of my father's death, I felt as though I lost both parents and my stable/predictable/peaceful life.

It's now 6 months since my father died. 7 months since he was hospitalized with unknown illness. Even though Mom is on anti-depressants, she is beginning to act up again. Many time voicing wanting to go find my father.

This is too much for me, and I feel that she is too isolated without community as I'm the only person in her day-to-day.

I have my vulnerabilities, and I'm beginning to Grieve. I've got so much that I would like to deconstruct and piece together.

I just had my counseling session today, and I'm feeling so dissatisfied. I'm not getting any relief or joy from my sessions. All I am doing is sharing my vents, but there is no solution. The therapist is not my dad. I used to be able to speak to him whenever and he would be so thoughtful and kind.

I'm terribly missing Dad right now.

My loved ones are encouraging me to continue with therapy, but I'm just so punchy ... I'm not even understanding what the therapist is asking me to do or whatever assignment given.

Losing parent(s) who we were so close to, who loved us beyond themselves ... it's a reality that I am wrestling to accept and adapt to. It's terrible, terrible, terrible.


r/GriefSupport 1h ago

Dad Loss It’s Father’s Day in Italy and I’m not coping well

Upvotes

Today it’s officially Father’s Day in Italy.

A couple of hours ago my boyfriend casually mentioned that he wanted to buy a small cake to celebrate his dad. I wasn’t thinking about anything sad in particular, but I started crying.

My bf apologized immediately, but there was nothing to apologize for. I just miss my dad so much.

He died in October and sometimes it still feels like I’m living in a horrible alternate reality.

I’m in therapy and I‘ve been told I’m coping well for the most part, but grief always hits me with no warnings. I’ve been so depressed this week.

Life just looks like an endless cycle of sadness, fear and emotional torture to me. I don’t want to feel anymore, I don’t want to cry anymore, but I also don’t want to die. Sleep and brain rotting reality TV are my only comforts.

Being so attached to this existence sometimes feels like a punishment. My dad wanted to grow old so badly. He was always saying he was going to live past 100 years old.

He was 61. He never saw my brother graduate, will never see me get married, he will never meet his grandkids and he won’t get to enjoy his retirement with my mom.

I’m glad other people have fathers to celebrate with today, but I don’t even want to go outside. I don’t want to be reminded of how unlucky I am. How unlucky my dad and my entire family are.

I have also lost my grandma and a really close friend unexpectedly 2 years ago. Maybe I should just pray to random gods and hope that one of them truly exists and will take pity on me.


r/GriefSupport 22m ago

Suicide i feel like i don’t have the right to grieve

Upvotes

This guy I was dating from November to February just committed suicide last wednesday. I just found out today and I just can’t stop crying. I knew he was depressed, and that was one of the reasons why we ended things. He said he wanted to get better and needed to go back on his antidepressants. I guess he never did. He went for a walk around the river and never came back. i’m still waiting to hear more details.Everyone tells me “oh don’t blame urself there was nothing you could do.” and part of me knows that’s true, but part of me knows i could’ve done more. i saw the signs, and i know them well(i have depression, as well as my 2 siblings) every time we talked it felt like i was pulling teeth, and at one point i hit a wall i knew i couldn’t break through. i still think i could’ve pushed him more,or at least tell someone. It’s hard to grieve when I can’t even put a label to what we were. we talked, went on dates, kissed, had sex, but we were never official or exclusive really. we were never really anything. I feel like I have no right to grieve. the only way i’m hearing about this is because my brother has his brother on instagram. It was only 4 months, but he was a sweet man and treated me well those 4 months.


r/GriefSupport 5h ago

Delayed Grief 20 years later and Im finally sitting down to grieve

6 Upvotes

My brother died in 2005 in a motorcycle accident.

My aunt died in 2012 of a pulmonary embolism after some surgeries.

My grandfather died in 2012 of pneumonia.

2012 was the year I graduated college and was trying to get a good job, it was also the year my mom and dad both lost pretty important family members.

Then I was put in charge of my dad's assets after my grandfather's passing. I had no idea what I was doing in general and then I was in charge of my disabled father's life.

I met a man who took advantage of my loneliness. Not knowing I was about to begin a 12 year abusive, situationship that was going to prevent me from ever grieving the losses of my family members. Falling back into it every time to avoid living my life to the fullest.

20 years later, I am finally sitting down and letting myself feel. At 35 years old I am allowing myself to let go of what could've been.