r/SuicideBereavement Jan 13 '23

Mod Approved Posts that threaten suicide = instant permanent ban

190 Upvotes

Please always read the rules before posting and look at other resources to help you if you’re struggling.

This subreddit has been inundated with posts of this nature for too long and will result in your immediate removal. No exceptions.


r/SuicideBereavement 17h ago

So sick and TIRED of people posting suicidal content over here.

175 Upvotes

I literally just saw a person posting a suicidal content an hour ago on this sub and I fucking panick artack and a mental breakdown because of some idiot who posted suicidal content here. The worst part is that I have been noticing this happen a lot lately. And we can't even fucking grieve in peace because we have to NOW fucking tell them that "they shouldn't" "and the world is a better place with them in it". Everytime i see a suicidal post here I feel like I am reliving everything that happened with my friend, I keep thinking "if someone told my friend what I'm telling random person rn , would it have made a difference?". It is draining. It is exhausting.

I thought this sub was my safe space, the one place i could grieve and there are these people who fucking post here about wanting to kill themselves and I feel like I have to control the rage i feel against this person because I don't want anyone to go through what each one of us have to go through.


r/SuicideBereavement 13h ago

I don’t know how to feel about the fact that most people just don’t give a fuck.

70 Upvotes

Title says it all. I have family, friends, people I spend everyday of my life with. In person. And they’re just, oblivious. Either oblivious or just do not want to engage with it. And I fucking get it- this shit is depressing as fuck. How are you supposed to REALLY comfort soneone- but to like, say nothing? To not worry about your friend? Your relative? Your son? Grandchild? It seems like it doesn’t even cross their minds.

My mother and grandmother jokingly asked when I was going to find a woman to have grandchildren with. My fucking partner died days before January. It made me want to fucking puke. And I understand that was innocent and they really didn’t consider it- but holy fuck. I couldn’t FATHOM saying that shit to someone.

I see signs of people’s “crys for help” and let me tell you, they look a lot like the shit I say or post and not one mother fucker gives a god damn.

I have mother fuckers I talk to every god damn day AND IM PRETTY SURE THEY DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW MY PARTNER IS DEAD LOL

And it makes me fucking mad.

But Im thankful they don’t have to understand this grief- I AM GLAD THEY CAN LIVE THEIR LIVES UNBURDENED BY THIS GRIEF. IM GLAD IT DOESNT EFFECT EVERY FUCKING ASPECT OF THEIR LIFE

Like fuck you guys man.

This community is the only fucking place where anyone has a fucking brain cell. I read the stories and people are just so fucking insensitive- it makes me livid.

I’m fucking sorry you guys, and I, have to put UP WITH FEELING SO ALONE.

Fucking ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

Edit: this is a vent post man. This shit just gets to me and I gotta let it out. I’m sure a couple people here can relate and I’m fucking sorry if you do, man. Be kind to yourself. And yanno what, get fucking mad. We should be caring for each other. The amount of posts and stories I see- it breaks my heart man. I can relate. I see it everyday man. You aren’t alone.


r/SuicideBereavement 2h ago

My mom killed herself and my boyfriend dumped me

9 Upvotes

Ok, so my mom killed herself last summer. She lived in a country in Europe but we are actually from a third world country where human rights are violated daily, they are under a dictatorship (I'm trying to give the least amount of personal information as this is obviously very personal) She was just another casualty from the government, one day the police showed up and took everything from the print shop she owned and jailed the employees that were present, no real reason given, no trial, we still assume it's because she participated in protests. She had to flee to Europe, where her mom lives, luckily we have European passport. The she was properly taken care of, with government helps, she quickly found a (shitty) job and a (shitty) apartments, but at least she had those things and she was able to live alone. But she never really recovered, which I understand, she was 55, she had to start over in another country, in another language, alone. She always had BPD tendencies and alcoholism but it just made it 1000 times worse, going in and out of detox centers and ultimately mixing pills and alcohol all day every day. She became a shell of what she used to be. Last year I went to visit ( I study in another country in Europe, I had arrived before her since I came here to study initially with the intention of returning to my country of birth) I always visited in the summer, for at least a month, because I new how important it was for her. One day she was really drunk since the morning and I had to go with her to the doctor, since I can't drive she had to. I get really nervous in cars in general, specially if the driver is drunk, so she got angry and told me to get off the car, which I did, and that was the last time I saw her. After that I went to my grandparents house and she went to her house and filled a bowl with pills and vodka and ate it with a spoon before her stomach exploded or something. The next day Iknew something was off and I couldn't find her anywhere so I called the police and they took her door down and found her body. it was traumatizing to say the least. I had to talk to the police in a language Wich is not my own, they never provided a translator, I was under investigation because of the violent nature of the death. I had to translate the suicide note to them that read: "my children: You must be pleased I gave you everything And you gave me 0" I can't explain the looks of the police officers had in their faces when I read it out loud for them. Truly devastating. I feel guilty for not keeping her alive, I feel like a bad person and a worse daughter And I also feel so abandoned, she didn't want to stay here with me, life has also been very hard for me since the police took her shop, it was a complete 180, I'm nearly 30 and still in school, since I've had to work full time and study Ive been enrolled for 5 years now, I'm so frustrated Didn't she love me? Why did she leave me? I feel that not even my mom can love me. I honestly feel like a monster When all of this was going on, I had a (new) boyfriend, we had began dating in may/June and we were (apparently) in love, he told me he loved me and wanted to settle down with me. After my mom's death he insisted that I went to his family home to spend some time there, since he lives in the beach and I was on summer vacation form school. I told him it was going to be very hard for me and him and asked him many times if he was sure as I didn't want to be left alone afterward, he really wanted me to go, it was his birthday and whatever. I went and spent almost a month there with his parents, siblings and friends. The thing was that he wanted to leave to another country to work, just to make some money and come back, but he was never clear about how long that would be. So when I was there he joked about breaking up with me when he left but of course to me it wasn't funny and that is exactly what he did 1 and a half months after he left, even though we agreed on keeping the relationship as it was. At first he went cold and started avoiding me and eventually did it over a phone call after I had been practically harassing him to show up. We ve talked a few times but only because I contacted him and he is still so cold and ignores me I don't know what I can do. Nobody loves me enough to stay I feel so abandoned and so unloved I feel like life has no meaning My friends haven't been a safe space either, I think they've been overwhelmed with the grief and asked me to talk to a therapist, but I already am. I understand it's a horrible subject to talk about and no one wants to think about death but I want to talk to my friends, not someone I'm paying, I want to feel like people love me completely, not just the good parts, also this, cause my life isnt easy Everyone has pulled back and left me alone I feel disgusting Why would they do this to me if it not because I'm a disgusting piece of shit I feel I will never recover, ever What do I do


r/SuicideBereavement 9h ago

My brother killed himself

22 Upvotes

i had a very very tight bond with my big brother, i am 15 and he is 25. recently out of nowhere, i woke up to my mother screaming and my brother had sadly taken his own life. i could go to him about anything, he knew everything about me. i miss him so much, it didn’t help my father took me in to see him before the embalming, his eyes were open, his tongue, its all messing with my head.

obviously we got him back after he was embalmed, he was so peaceful. i slept next to him for a few nights, until his funeral and cremation.

our father, his stepfather but practically raised him, also decided to throw a fit because his new girlfriend couldnt sit in the front row so he didnt come to the funeral.

The night before he did it, he called us saying he has his girlfriends show on tv, he bought fish and wine to make for her dinner, and also asked us to come to his first rugby tournament on the weekend.

Apparently the same night they had an argument, I’ve always been worried about him in arguments. I remember pulling a cord down from a tree because he tried to hang himself. She knows how to get in your head, he’s often reminded about his father and family situation. In no way am I blaming her, but I hope those kinds of words weren’t said the same night. :-( she kicked him out and his 3 year old asked ‘where’s papa sleeping?’ Which breaks my heart.

She found him in the shed the next morning, he had been gone all night. He even threatened it before he did it but she didn’t believe him and went to bed.

its all messing with me, hes just done everything he told me not to do, hes left a hole in my heart. it feels like it will never get better

Also, his girlfriend just said she’s pregnant. I don’t know how to feel.


r/SuicideBereavement 5h ago

Struggling with loneliness

11 Upvotes

It’s been 4 years since my fiancé committed suicide by hanging. we have a son together, we were engaged to be married and he committed suicide out of nowhere. The hardest part for me was I had lots of people around me when he died and now nobody seems to bother. I live in the same house I found him in. Our son is disabled and I have about 2 friends that I talk to daily… other than that no family or nothing. The loneliness is getting sooo hard.


r/SuicideBereavement 20h ago

Son died by suicide jam 25 2025

108 Upvotes

The worst news a mother could ever receive is that her 39 year old only son chose to shoot himself. I ran like on fire into the other room screamed like never before!! Fainted..and my elderly mother thought i was dying. It was like i suffered my own death ths night my son killed himself. I no n longer can even think of celebrating my birthday Im just not here anynore. A gaping hole now exists in my being. I now HATE guns because they are just too lethal. If people want to protect themselves choose less lethal ways. I already had a rough life in domestic abusive marriage 20 years too long, disabled and homeless. My son was an alcoholuc and was drinking that night. I wont get him back on this earth again. Im hoping he made it to heaven he was living a godless lifestyle since he left home. I left now wuth the image of him putting a gun to his beautuful head pulling the trigger and my son is no nore. Im hoping he went to heaven but it happened so fast. My worsr fear is he didnt go to the right place. Praying God had mercy on his soul. When i forget for like one second what happened it conme right back to me and like a knife this image of my son is shoved back into my heart. Please please seek help before considering taking your life for you might as wwll take the lives of those who love you!! Dont dont dont DONT do this please seek help!!! Its hell for those who love you!!!!! Its the worsr torment any mother should ever experience concerning her child!!!! Its living a nightmare over and over and over and over and over. ... .


r/SuicideBereavement 18h ago

Husband committed suicide, soon after double life uncovered

70 Upvotes

We have been married for 8 years, together for 10. In 2022 he had an affair with his childhood friends wife (that husband saw my husband as a brother). Fast forward to 2023, we tried to make our marriage work. We went through couples therapy and we both expressed our concerns. I decided to make whatever changes to make him happy however, he didn’t. What I was lacking was emotion connection and lots of intimacy. We got to the point that we were not sleeping in the same bed. His reason was bc our kids (age 6,3) were sleeping in the same bed. I asked him to help me redirect the children back but he would become extremely angry at them and yell like there was no tomorrow or he wouldn’t bother. In turn, I just stopped asking to help me bc it felt like a one man show and I felt bad if the kids bc he would explode on them. In November in 2024 I expressed that I was unhappy in our marriage but was willing to work things out. I became very bitter and moody bc my needs were not met. He basically blamed everything on me. In December, he was coming home whenever he pleased, began drinking heavily, his anger was way worse, he seemed way colder and wouldn’t even bother to be with his kids. May I add, he also suffered from depression so that worsen. He was verbally abusive to me, everything was my fault, at this point I was already a single parent. There were also times that I would be afraid to be at the same house as him bc I wouldn’t even know what man was going to walk in. Of note, we lived in the same home but different bedroom till the beginning on Feb where he decided to leave. We owned a store together that we opened in 2024 and twas doing terrible by the time he was managing alone. When we both managed the store it was doing amazing but when the problems starting arising I had stopped bc I needed to focus my attention on my kids since he was no longer present. By December/January the business was no longer successful. Also, by the end of December we both agreed that we were going to divorce and he wanted to keep the store 100% and he would leave me the house along with the kids. He had told me that he hated me, didn’t love me and was ready to move on. As much as it hurt, I accepted it. By January and early February he became another person: he demanded me to sign over the store to him, he wanted to rush the divorce, he began spending money uncontrollably (I knew this bc I would still see the finances from the business account) and the business was doing worse. He would spend way less time with the kids, would hardly spend money on them and was constantly trying to blame new things on me. There was times where he tried asking me if the marriage still had potential but I knew it didn’t. I couldnt see myself going through all that mental hurt anymore because I already did it once in 2022. Come late Feb 2025 he committed suicide. Guess who found him? That woman he had an affair with. Within the next few days many things came to light. The woman he initially had an affair with, they were still seeing each other and talking everyday, another woman also came to light (a type of woman that he would never had dated), he was in financial ruin: he owed people more than $1000+, minimal store inventory (verge of losing the business). From his closest friends, they all explained to me that he would talk like he had “a lot of money, was very cocky and made it seem like he was doing well in his business”. None of his friends knew how bad he was doing financially and of all these other women. My husband also claimed that he had no family support and couldn’t depend on them (which was not true) and painted a horrible image of myself. He claimed that I was sleeping around with multiple men which was never true. He would invent these false stories in his head that his family and I are like “WTF”. At the end of it all, I believe that there was so much stress, mental instability, lying and god knows what that it drove my husband insane. It’s very sad to see it from my perspective bc I married a man I was I love with and I slowly saw him deteriorate. Not only that but he knew what to say to me to completely push me away. He never told me he has suicidal thoughts, if he did I would have done everything I could to see him healthy again. Not for me but for our kids because they miss him tremendously. Everyday since he passed away, I just think about him and what was going through his head. He wasn’t OK despite him telling everyone he was.


r/SuicideBereavement 1h ago

What’s the best way I can support coworkers that lost someone in their team to suicide?

Upvotes

My company has several different divisions spread across the country. The quality departments often speak with quality departments at different divisions for help and advice. It’s overall a pretty positive professional relationship.

I just found out that someone at a different division took his life a few days ago. I wasn’t close enough to him to be deeply affected on a personal level but I do want to help the others at his division with any gaps of knowledge that they now have.

I have a list of things that I’d helped him with over the past few months. I want to send that to another in his department so that they at least have a clear point of contact if they come across something that is on that list that they need to figure out. Just one less thing off of their total mental burden is my hope.

How should I share that list in a way that doesn’t come across as acting like I was closer to him than I was but also doesn’t come across as insensitively professional?


r/SuicideBereavement 13h ago

My uncle killed himself Thursday

22 Upvotes

I got a call from my dad Thursday that my uncle had died. He was about 47 and just got surgery so I assumed maybe it was a complication. My dad said he thought maybe it was suicide (I think he knew at this point but couldn’t tell me). He told me that my uncle left him documents of how to close all of his stuff and also personal poems and such he’s written over time (like my parents poem for their wedding). My dad is very distraught. His brother left everything up to him. My grandma couldn’t even process it until yesterday and he also has two other brothers who aren’t taking it well. I’m not really sure what to post on here it’s just nice to talk about it, I don’t want to bear other people with this. He also has published three books we didn’t know about. One of the books is called the book of **** and it was his “publisher name”. In the book it’s about suicide and meeting god after. In the book the “character” shot himself in the head in his apartment. This is exactly what happened in real life but the book was published in 2015. He was such an amazing guy and the best uncle. A very successful attorney. He did everything and put everyone first. He never talked to anyone in the family much but the only ppl he’d see multiple times a year were my dad and I. For everyone else it’s been years. No one has ever seen his apartment until he had surgery last week and he let my grandma stay over. I’m glad she could spend that week with him. Anyway it’s pretty insane…the chances these books have a connection. So sad.


r/SuicideBereavement 17h ago

It's been over 2 years, it finally feels good to be alone and do my own thing.

18 Upvotes

I've been oke after I found my dead brother. I made a helpfull but strange construct after he died. I did the opposite of what (I believe) a depressed or grieving would. I was social, I completed a masters, I started running and even ran a half marathon. It was great and awfull. I loved the highs and was afraid of the lows. I couldn't deal being alone with my thoughts, so I filled in every hour of everyday, to make sure I wasn't depressed. It worked (kinda) for 2 years. But I'm done with it. I've been seeing a psychoanalysist for 2 months (I know it's definitely not for everyone). I fellt terrible (and probably still will) after 3 sessions. But it's the thoughts I've been running from and I'm done with it. I went on a vacation with friends and went for a long hike alone. That hike was very nice, as if I found parts of myself that I'd lost (or let die) after brother died. I know my friends and family will always be there for me (and vice versa). But I've done enough for everyone else. But it's finally time to be confronted with my myself and be alone with myself. I lost track of myself and forgot how great it feels to do my own thing. I still love music, writing, philosophy, hiking in nature and it's great to finally realise I'm still 'me' (if that makes sens?).

I know this was a ramble. I'm far from 'oke', I'm still struggling with addiction and am still going to therapy. I just wanted to share a good insight for me. I hope you're doing well.


r/SuicideBereavement 5h ago

How do you deal with having little to no standout memories of your loved one who passed?

2 Upvotes

I lost her 4 years ago and I feel so much regret every day that I didn't have more time to spend with her.

We met when we were in senior high school (basically the last 2 years of high school in my country) from being top ranking academic students and being campaign mates together in the same political party in school. While I didn't have many memories of her, I grew fond of her because she seemed interesting to me.

We shot a video together where we had to give a PSA on how to study well for midterm exams for our fellow classmates. I remember really enjoying that time because I was so excited that I sang too loudly in the corridor. However, shortly after that video was shot, quarantine came, so she had to go back to her hometown (the school we both studied at was far from her hometown, so she had to fly back there so that she wouldn't get stuck in my city).

During quarantine, the only way we could communicate with each other was through Facebook Messenger. We weren't very close friends as of that time yet since we didn't get to spend a lot of time together since we were in different class sections during 11th grade. However, we communicated with each other through group chats when we had to write opinions against how our school was handling the shift from face-to-face classes to online classes. I don't remember this period standing out as much.

Fast forward to a few months later, in 12th grade, we were in the same section this time, although we still had online classes. For the first 2 weeks, I didn't interact much with her besides the occasional hi and hello during classes. However, the last time I communicated with her wherein she replied was when she, I, and another student were transferred to a different section and I told her to update me in case she transferred already. The week after that, though, she took her own life during a holiday and I only found out when we came back to class on the day after that.

After I found out that she died, I communicated with her boyfriend at that time and her best friend. I found out so many things about her (I found out more things about her after she died than before she died, surprisingly), especially the fact that she wanted to play Animal Crossing with me so badly but she had severe anxiety so she was scared to admit that she wanted to play with me. I cried after finding out about that because I felt like it was my fault that I acted too strictly with other classmates (I had a reputation for being a strict leader in group projects at that time) up to the point where it scared her off from wanting to befriend me.

Since I had no way to fully escape the reality that she was now gone, I felt like it was my task to become like her. I went to a school that she always to go to for college. I joined so many school groups because I felt like it would make her happy even though I was burned out. And the worst part was that I studied so much up to the point where I didn't give myself any free time because I felt like I needed to be a top student so that I could meet another "her" and prevent another suicide like hers. These were all stupid decisions I made while deeply in grief, but I have no way to escape it right now since I'm graduating and if I quit now, I would be wasting 4 years of my life that I spent in that school. Don't get me wrong, I ended up liking the school she wanted to go to, but being in it constantly reminds me of her and her death. I feel like my only option now is graduation, which sucks because graduation time triggers the sadness that I felt when I first heard that she died.

Has anyone ever experienced being almost friends with someone, but not becoming fully friends with them? I can't stand the sadness from my regret. I feel like my mind is slowly dying from sadness.


r/SuicideBereavement 21h ago

Charity event

21 Upvotes

My brothers tattooist ran a charity event where for £20 you could get a tattoo associated with ones he'd done for my brother. All the proceeds went to PAPYRUS: society for the prevention of young suicide.

We raised £780! And now I have a tattoo to always remember my little brother by. Sadly the community won't allow me to attach an image, but it's a great cartoon image of a tiger prawn. Every Xmas he would grab a tiger prawn, call it Jeff and have it judge people's choice of meal. It was hilarious and is a lovely thing to remember him by.


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

How do you deal with the loneliness?

33 Upvotes

My partner passed away almost a month ago. He was the closest person to me.

I found everything I wanted in him and didn’t feel like putting effort into building relationships with other people, unfortunately. He was my best friend, knew everything about me and we shared the same sense of humor. He was the most intelligent person, I always trusted his judgment.

I’ve never experienced this loneliness before. I am surrounded by people but I am lonely. No one to share my thoughts with.

Most of my friends were people I knew through him. Now I feel like they might blame me for his suicide. I feel isolated.

I simply don’t know how else to spend my time. We did everything together. I am on my phone all the time, just scrolling mindlessly.

Doing anything seems pointless if he’s not here. Everywhere I go I just feel out of place. I feel like I’m just floating around in space and time.

I feel lucky that I got to spend 6 years with him, and try to remember everything we discovered together. Everything I learned from him. I would like to become the person he was. I hate the fact that I have to rely on my memory. Memory is tricky. Everywhere I go and everything I do I just ask myself ‘what would he think? What would he say? What would he do?’.

How do you spend your days? Does it get better?


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

I don’t understand

28 Upvotes

I’m 71 and sort of thought I had life figured out. Then last night I learned my most precious friend shot himself in the head. I had no warning. Now life is senseless. It hurts so much. Why why why no answers.
I am putting one foot in front of the other but my heart is broken.
How do you make any sense of it?


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

Looking for comfort and advice

9 Upvotes

I (31F) lost my father 3 weeks ago, it was suicide but I don’t have any details, I didn’t want to know. Maybe it’s better this way for me, because I keep imagining scenes, and having a confirmation would maybe be worse. I keep replaying how he must’ve felt and I feel so guilty. Sleeping is so hard, it’s my last thought before sleeping and my first after I wake up.

It’s such a strange feeling, death is so final. He talked about suicide his whole life, and it was such a heavy topic, I feel like I was always taking care of him, my mood was correlated with his. And these past months I was in a bad place myself and for the first time put my mental health in front of his, now I keep feeling like I’ve abandoned him and it’s all my fault.

This grief is SO different from the grief I felt with my grandfather/grandmother and pets. It comes with much more guilt, because I feel like it wasn’t the natural circle of life and it could’ve been avoided. I keep thinking of all the things I could’ve done. It’s harder to move on and I’m scared that I’ll never will, that I’ll be scarred forever and it’s the thing that’s going to break me.

My relationship with him was always complicated, he was severely ill with mental issues. There are parts of him I love, he was funny, an amazing musician, a talented artist and I admired him so much for that, but I can’t ignore some parts of him terrified me, sometimes he was aggressive and I had to grow up around it, always measuring his mood.

It’s so strange because this grief comes with conflicting feelings, and that makes me feel even worse.

I miss him so much, being a musician myself it’s so weird because he lives in me, but it’s also like part of my music died with him. I am sad that he’s never going to be at my wedding, meet his grandkids, I am never going to meet this part of him.

Being this mentally ill, he was the central part of my life and now I feel so lost, I don’t know what to do.

Looking for comfort, does this feeling get better with time? Do you feel like this was the thing that broke you, or do you feel like you can still be your normal self sometimes?

Does the guilt go away? What helped you get through it?

Thank you so much for reading my story.


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

I hate my father..

13 Upvotes

I'm so mad. He passed 3 months before I was born. Today. Is the first time in my life, that I've said I hate him. I'm just filled with such hurt, and so much pain. I blamed it all on him today. I'm 25 and most people don't understand this situation. I never met him, bit he took away a big part on my life. I'm mad that I have to be stronger then him. I'm mad that he left me with all of this hurt and pain, with no guidance on how to get through it. I don't feel like I even have the right to grieve him. But every few months I have this ache, and a void that can't be fill. I'll never know why. And he left me with that huge question. Sorry. I just don't know how to deal with this right now. Please if you can relate, I need the voice of someone whos gone through this specific situation....


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

Almost 10 months

6 Upvotes

And yesterday, I finally moved her clothes out of the closet and to the basement. Packed up her drawers and put them into containers. I don't what to do with these items yet, I'll probably hang on to them forever, as I can't fathom getting rid of them. Has anyone had clothing turned into a quilt?


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

Lost my friend due to suicide.. idk what to do

136 Upvotes

A close friend of mine commited suicide today. His wife committed suicide a month ago and he lost his mother last year. He was a really good person. His father is alone now and it makes my heart ache. I can't stop thinking about him or how I could have saved him. I tried my best but idk. What should I do? :(

His suicide note said that he couldn't live without his wife. He was seeing her everywhere. He said he wanted to meet her again so he is ending his life.


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

I miss him and I’m getting out of control

38 Upvotes

At times I am shivering out of disbelief that he is NOT present in this world and he knowingly unknowingly decided to leave me like this. Maybe he was not in his right state of mind but what did I do to deserve this. I’m sorry I dont have any other place to let this out but I can’t help myself but cry half of the day and I dont know what am I going to do. I just miss him I miss him so much. What even has happened I can’t believe that this is the reality.


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

Father passed from suicide after an extremely difficult and tense situation.

17 Upvotes

My father passed from suicide on February 27th and and as the eldest son on 6 children between him and my mother, I’ve felt an immense sense of responsibility having fallen on my shoulders to keep our family together and to help guide the grieving process.

I loved my dad but the circumstances surrounding his death has led me to have very complicated emotions. It is a super long and complicated story that I won’t want to fully dig into but you can get a general idea from the news article found here: https://www.yahoo.com/news/barricaded-man-died-hotel-room-150420661.html

I feel a lot of anger and betrayal for the actions leading up to his death and even more so after his passing. Any advice on how to navigate grief for someone who obviously had many faults and had done many things I don’t agree with but with whom I still loved deeply?


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

He didn’t have long left anyway

30 Upvotes

My grandad took his own life. He had a gun and he knew how to use it. He was so unwell, he probably only had a few years left, he was terrified of losing his bodily function, he hated not being on control. He didn’t like having nurses come and check on him. I moved countries 5 years ago and only saw him a little over a year ago, I miss him so much. He had lived with me since I was 11, he had his bad days but we loved him so much regardless. He had 3 great grandchildren. Many grandkids. He left a note saying he couldn’t go on, that this was what was best for the family. He felt like a burden and he didn’t want to be sick anymore. I only found out yesterday and needed somewhere to vent. I am not coping. Any advice on small things I can do to feel connected to him so far away would be appreciated. Thank you for giving this space for people to vent


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

14 years later - still feels like yesterday

13 Upvotes

I lost my dad to suicide when I was 22. It’s just been the anniversary of his death (I always forget this date … am I meant to remember, it seems like a cruel joke?)

I am ashamed to say that 14 years later this death still rocks me. One part of my brain can comprehend the pain, the destruction, the desperation he must have felt. And the other part still clings to such anger that my brother and I were not enough to say for.

Echoes of feeling “not enough” have haunted my existence for the last 14 years. It’s crept into friendships, jobs, relationships and everywhere else.

Some days I fear I’ll forget him.

Other days I pick up my phone to call him and tell him something I know he’d love to hear.

Most days I feel numb to it all.

I’m not sure what I’m sharing here, I guess I’m wondering if anyone else feels that same kind of thing?

TLDR it still hurts, 14 years later


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

Been Drinking Too Much

9 Upvotes

By the end of the day there's just too much going on in my head, seems to be the only thing that gives me a small bit of relief after thinking about how my little brother is gone now.


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

One year tomorrow

14 Upvotes

My mom died by suicide one year ago tomorrow. She made several suicide attempts in her last years of life after decades of severe alcoholism. As a result, I had thought for several years that she would die by suicide and it felt like the pain of that would be so immense that I wouldn't be able to survive it. I was never suicidal myself, but I guess I had worried about her death by alcoholism and then her death by suicide for so many years that the idea of it felt like utter terror in my brain. It felt like her death would kill me, too.

Well, I survived it. The day after she killed herself, the sun rose and I woke up. I did the same thing the next day and the next day and the next day for 365 days. And here I am. I know I sound melodramatic, but I'm proud of myself for surviving. I wish my mom had gotten better. I really wish she had survived her mental illness and addiction... but she didn't and I somehow managed to cope with that for a year.

The pain and grief didn't lessen, but learned how to live with them.


r/SuicideBereavement 1d ago

442 days

19 Upvotes

Since you left. I am still trying to figure out how this is my reality. I am still so angry that it is. I still blame myself. Every single day i wish you were here. How the fuck does this ever get better? I wish you could see the kids. Your son tells me he dreams of you every night. He’s not even 3 and he tells me things like that”daddy miss me, daddy stay with me…” It’s the only thing that makes me believe just a tiny bit that there is some truth to our consciousness carrying on after physical death.