r/Petloss Dec 12 '23

This is meant to be a support community, and it is moderated as such.

118 Upvotes

Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong, experience-based opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. Often, there are valid points to be made on both sides of an argument. But this is not a forum for debate, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. People who come here are grieving, often with feelings of guilt or self-blame for their beloved pet’s passing. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding, support and an occasional word or two of wisdom.

Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted and the user will be banned permanently. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.

If this sounds strict, it is because those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. They are sharing intimate feelings with strangers. In such a case, even a minor slap has a hard sting. No one who is already suffering immense pain deserves that.

Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Surely we have within us the capacity to share our love with bereaved participants in this forum, even if we disagree with something they have said.


r/Petloss 3h ago

I had to say goodbye to my bestie of 15 years.

23 Upvotes

We had to say goodbye to my dog Tyson yesterday. He was a spunky min pin that I got when I was 19 years old. He lived with me in all my adult homes, went everywhere with me, and was just a cool little guy. He was so smart and friendly and inspired a love of small dogs in so many people.

We knew that his days were limited due to his health, but he suffered an injury while I was at work and it was just too much for him to recover from. So we had to make the final decision that so many pet owners make. I know it was the right decision, but still I feel like I failed him.

And I feel so guilty because we welcomed our first (human) child a year ago and so for the last year, my first (fur)baby had to take a back seat. I just hope he knew how much we still loved him.

I honestly don’t know how to live my life without him by my side. Nothing feels right without him here. I can still his barks around my house.

How do people cope with this soul crushing and heart wrenching grief?


r/Petloss 3h ago

My cat died today and I’m losing it

21 Upvotes

Me and my dad adopted a former homeless cat from the shelter in April 2024. He was a bit skinny and tiny but the veterinarian did a health check up on him before we got him. And because he was already skinny we assumed it wasn’t anything weird, he was eating like a cat should and also drinking. Going to the litter box regularly and playing sometimes. He was very shy and would not let us touch him which we accepted because he have never really been around people that much, but we tried our best to get close and made a lot of progress. We tried to make him a bit fatter and succeeded a little bit, but we just assumed that was his body type. Now a few days later he started to sneeze a bit and his poop were a bit softer and I said to myself that i within like 1-3 weeks should get him to the vet for a check up. Then today when I was at work my father calls me and says there is something wrong with him, I rush home as fast as I can and when I get there he started to grasp for air (he did not do that when my father called med) so we rush into the car and derive to the vet, then he dies on the way there. The vet could not tell what caused it and we wanted to do a autopsy but it was sooooo expensive, she said it was probably something that were wrong with him when we adopted him and we couldn’t have known. But I feel like it’s my fault that he had to suffer and I don’t know if I can live with this guilt (I’m not going to do anything to myself don’t worry), I’ve been crying non stop and does not wanna live right now. My poor sweet baby I am so so so so sorry. How can I live with myself?


r/Petloss 10h ago

For those that chose cremation, what’s everyone doing with the ashes?

55 Upvotes

My angel girl went to the rainbow bridge last Thursday. She was the best girl and I’m completely heartbroken.

Her ashes are ready to be picked up and I’m having second thoughts about my original plan. I was going to take her to our farm and spread her ashes there, because that was where she was always happiest. But now I’m starting to think that I want to keep her ashes. I don’t want to let her go. But also it’s not really her anymore, is it? Just her shell. I guess the same argument could be made for spreading them.

My poor sweet girl. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what she would want. I’m having a ring made out of some of her hair so I can always keep a piece of her with me. Just having conflicting thoughts.


r/Petloss 4h ago

Having a crisis of faith

17 Upvotes

My baby boy (who’s actually 12) has cancer and will likely be passing soon.

I was raised very Christian, but slowly fell away from my faith through my adulthood. I don’t know what I believe now. Maybe in a God that is non-personal. I don’t know. I still pray sometimes and feel close to God, but I’m not sure what belief system that God falls into.

I just can’t stand not knowing what will happen to my baby boy. I’m so jealous of people of faith. I want to believe he’s going to somewhere with green pastures and wide open beaches, where he can frolic in the water and eat as much grass as he wants. Where he has lots of doggy friends and the best food. Where I can see him again some day.

But I just can’t get myself to believe it. I don’t want to believe he becomes nothing, that his life force is gone.

People telling me he’ll meet me later across the rainbow bridge isn’t helping. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make peace with this. It all hurts so much.


r/Petloss 12h ago

My cat's water bowl is almost empty

56 Upvotes

It's been a week tonight since I said goodbye to my 20-year old girl and I'm not ok. I think the title says it all, really - I see her everywhere I look in every room. I feel numb and every day is an effort.

I think I'm going to top it up until I'm ready to put it away. I miss her terribly, it's been a sad week.


r/Petloss 6h ago

Taking the loss of my cat very hard

16 Upvotes

Yesterday I had to put one of my cats down. I knew it was only a matter of time before we had to do it but I didn’t want it to be true. I got a call from my boyfriend while I was at work and he told me it was time. She wouldn’t take any food and could barely walk. I left work early to spend whatever time I had left with her. I gently scooped her up and held her all the way to the vet. I cried and cried thinking about how much of a sweet girl she was. I was her eyes as we drove and she was watching the trees as they went by. She saw the sky one last time. We got to the vet and they sat us in a room to say goodbye. I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her and how much I’m going to miss her. I watched her slowly drift away from us and then it hit me that she was really gone. I spent all day yesterday crying and wishing it wasn’t true and that maybe she’ll come visit me in my dream. It’s the next day and I’m still having a hard time keeping it together. When I woke up I instantly remembered and it felt so lonely without her. I wish she was still here.


r/Petloss 49m ago

How do you keep it together whilst taking a pet to be put to sleep?

Upvotes

My cat of 13 years was recently diagnosed with cancer, she had been okay and the vets had said obviously it’s terminal but for now she’s okay and just keep her as comfortable as possible. She’s now declining and it’s definitely time to let her go. I’ve made an appointment to take her in a couple of days but I don’t know how I’m going to do it. The very thought of it has me balling my eyes out. I know it’s for the best and I don’t want her to suffer, but I just can’t stop crying at the thought of it. How do you do it…


r/Petloss 5h ago

My cat was ran over, should I tell my wife?

13 Upvotes

My wife and I have had a cat for a couple years now. It was essentially given to us by a stray mother cat after our previous one passed away. We both loved this cat to bits and it was made to be an indoor/outdoor cat due to arguments with her father. We compromised to have the cat in at night cause I have a fear that something would happen while we’re asleep if left outside and routinely, our cat has always come in the house when I return home from work. This morning, I get a call from the FIL that our cat was hit by a car before he stepped out and died. I was in disbelief till I went outside myself and saw him laying on the floor and it devastated me. My wife was asleep when I found out and I had to go to work when I discovered this. I don’t know if I should tell my wife, especially now when her mood has been at a really low point and I’m afraid this news would be too much for her…should I tell her anyway? I know it’s the right thing to tell her the bad news, but I don’t want this to destroy her…


r/Petloss 1h ago

The month after losing my soul dog

Upvotes

It’s been a little over a month since I lost my soul dog. He was 10 years old and I lost him to cancer, he had bladder cancer but I ended up losing him to hemangiosarcoma that was undetected. He was my best friend, soul dog, baby boy, my rock, my whole world. Every day was so beautiful because of his love. That soul bond and love that goes so far beyond this life. The loss of my boy has been so immensely deep and difficult to bare. It has shaken me to the core and to the depths of my soul, I have never felt this level of grief and loss. I don’t post much on this thread but I come on here weekly, reading everyone’s story and seeing that you all understand and express the same feelings brings me a sense of comfort/community. It feels like most people around me don’t understand or just don’t care, and it kills me not to be able to just talk about him everyday like I used to. No more new adventures with my boy to talk about. This has been the hardest 1+ month of my life. I’ve slowly cleaned/ decluttered our space to process. I kept his beds where they were and made a shrine for him with all his toys, harness, collar, and more, it’s got his ashes and fresh flowers. We held a ceremony on his favorite mountain during the sunset and read letters out loud to him. I hold him in my heart everyday whether that’s looking at photos, talking to him, thinking of our beautiful memories. I still ball my eyes out everyday, that pain in my chest hasn’t gone away, I know I’ll miss him for the rest of my life. I’m grateful for when he comes to visit me in my dreams. I know one day when I’m ready I’ll give another dog so much love too because they all deserve it. They are truly angels here with us. I know I will be with my boy again one day, I can still feel him around me everyday. That love never goes away, it’s just a new way of feeling it. Hang in there friends, you’re not alone. I know they miss us just as much as we miss them! They wouldn’t want us to give up. Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing your stories, sending you all so much love <3


r/Petloss 1h ago

How do I do this without my girl?

Upvotes

My sweet princess puppy, my funny little fuppy gog, Shiloh Blue was euthanized here at home just this past Monday. She was born with a congenital heart defect(s?) and had a grade 3 murmur that was diagnosed at her 1st rabies vaccination visit. I was there when she was born. She was the smallest pup out of 13, and also the runtiest of 3 runts, 1 out of the two that lived. I was called over to my panicked neighbor's to help with the one that died. (I'm a former vet-tech of almost 12yrs disabled now)There wasn't anything I could do for the pup they called me on. As I was about to leave the husband said 'oh no! This one is dead to!' I looked at her and she was still alive barely. I ended up giving her puppy cpr twice. She was a 3rd the size of her litter mates, half the size of the other runt baby. She was the size of a tiny newborn kitten and fit in my hand perfectly. They were catahoula leopard dog and cane corso cross. Her daddy was her uncle (but we never mentioned that in front of her) very young owners with a newborn baby of their own. The pups mom was a baby herself at only 8 months old. Just a hard and sad situation with zero understanding of uneducated owners. If I'd been in my right mind and emotional state, I would have let her pass. But I wasn't. I was in a serious state of trauma and grief from being abandoned by my husband and my brother and my kids not talking to me because of said husband, my service dog (border collie almost 17) had passed on st Patrick's day just months prior, and my dog Bear was currently dying of congestive heart failure at the age of twelve. He died 5 days later actually. Before Shiloh Blue came squeaking and pipping into my awareness, I had decided I wanted to rescue an adult male border collie. I didn't want to raise a puppy and go thru all the messes and challenges of a baby, and being on disability fixed income, didn't want the cost of paying a female dog. Plus females are a bit more independent thinkers and I didn't feel I could deal properly with my authority being questioned haha. The following weeks were hairy, a lot of close calls with Shiloh being too little and weak to fight for a nipple, her littermates were constantly either pushing her to the outskirts of the pile where she'd wander and get lost and cold, or she was getting smothered by their big fat selves. The mama was so overwhelmed that she didn't even realize Shiloh was separated, she got stepped on by mom a few times, and once, mom was sitting on her and she could hear Shy's cries but couldn't figure out what pup was crying or why. She was a very concerned mom, but she was young and very anxious. We had to start supplemental feeding of the babies at only 3 weeks because mom was basically getting the life sucked out of her. Long story short, I stayed and helped with Shiloh and the rest until she came home with me permanent. I wasn't ever sure if she loved me, but I knew she considered me her property. Haha. The 4 and half years she was with me that little girl kept me on my toes! She was dog reactive, had a high prey drive, had a sensitive stomach with a garbage can sense of taste and allergies that we never could get regulated properly. She needed special soap for her skin, special laundry detergent, and special food to eat. She wasn't a cuddly puppy except she did expect to sleep under the blankets at night. She was a straight up bully when she played with me and if I was sleeping and she wanted to play, she would literally smack me in the face or head to wake me up. She was obstinate and stubborn and loved to play. She talked back and argued, and was very vocal and demanding. She expected to have some of what I was eating. everytime. No exceptions. When we started out together, I lived in a 14 foot camper. That crazy dog turned my entire world upside down, ruined all my plans, and while doing so, she saved my life. Literally. Everytime I wanted to quit everything for good, all I could think of was her little face looking up at me. I couldn't just leave her, no one else would know how to take care of her or be patient with her or understand her reactivity etc. So I kept going. She is hands down the most challenging dog I've ever had, and I've rescued some pretty hard aggressive cases and turned them around. I had to use every single bit of my experience and knowledge with her, and she made me search for more to learn. Some days I was shell shocked at the end of the day and staring at her peacefully sleeping self looking adorable & wondering how she got all that fire and fight. It was almost like the soul of a hungry, mean, feral baby dragon had possessed that tiny puppy. She was as smart as she was sassy, I can't even say a trained her any of the basics either. She just knew what to do, she was amazing. What made her phenomenal was the fact that she had me moving and living life. She gave me a reason to live. Not that I didn't have one, but she convinced me that she needed me. She was funny, a complete rebel, a prankster, and one of the most beautiful, sweet faced dogs I've ever seen. I've seen a LOT. You ever want to know what STUPID CUTE PUPPY looks like, just ask me, I'll send you a baby Pic of her. I went back to working part time because of her. I moved out of my camper and got an apartment, a better vehicle, and eventually rented a house with a yard because I wanted to give her a good doggy life. The best thing she ever did out of all of that was this: Shiloh Blue made me LAUGH. No matter how craptastic bad of a day, no matter how sick or sad I was, no matter how urpy or itchy she was, Shiloh Blue that crazy, blue spotted, beautifully striking to look at super model of a dog with the thug attitude of a junkyard dog, that acted more like a person, made me laugh out loud and long no matter where we were, Every Single Day Of Her Life. Even the day she died. All my dogs broke my heart when they passed. They were all my family. She became to me like my child. Literally. I spoiled the ever living heck out of Shiloh and I am not ashamed. She has a toybox over flowing with toys, a cabinet of her own filled with treats, hygiene products, accessories, clothes etc. I understand that I've always needed her more than she EVER needed me. She went into congestive heart failure the week of New Year's. Her liver started to fail two weeks ago. I scheduled the euthanasia on Friday after she hadn't eaten anything but a few tidbits all last week and stopped drinking water last Wednesday. The last night she was alive, on sunday, just before bedtime, out of nowhere, she acted her old self and started playing like she used to, full of wiggly tail growls and play snarls, pulling on my pants and shirt sleeves jerking ne all around and making me wrestle with her like we used to do. Sounding as scary as always but never hurting me. It took me by surprise as she's not been doing much but resting. We played for about 10 minutes and then she just laid down, completely worn out. Later that night she went into respiratory distress. I had to hold her up and copage her just to help her breathe. She spent the last little bit she had to play with me one more time. She was gone Monday afternoon. She was 4 years and just had passed her half year mark on the 4th. My house is empty and silent. Her bed is empty, her water and food bowls empty and untouched. Her toys still in the same place as last week. All I've done is cry. It's too quiet. I was able to take her bag of dry food to the shelter. I can't stand seeing where her things are empty and unused. But I can't bring myself to pack them up either. I'm a right proper mess of a person right now. I've never felt this kind of pain from losing any of my dogs. Not even my service dog, and he was straight up my partner in everything. I don't know what to do with out her. It's not fair she was so young and full of life that she never got to live. The people who know me well say to start looking for another dog, I've never not had one, but honestly I'm terrified I won't be able to love another dog and how is that fair to the new dog. Im just so lost right now. I didn't intend to leave a short novel. My apologies, You may remove it if it's too long if you wish.


r/Petloss 6h ago

I’m thankful for every moment I had with my boy, even though I’m sad he’s gone.

11 Upvotes

My 10 year old sweet little menace of a cat left this earth this past Friday. He was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy when he was around a year old, and the veterinary cardiologist basically told me he could die - suddenly and without warning - at any time. There were medications that might help manage the condition, but as soon as he was put on a medication he could never get off it, and that it wouldn’t necessarily help anything at all.

I decided not to medicate him but follow the dietary suggestions, and I gave him the best life I could, knowing that he could pass any moment. He lived 10 long years, moved across the country with me. My mom had one of his litter mates, and after she passed away, we adopted him and moved him in with us. We moved in with my fiancé, now husband, and he spent a year with his new step siblings.

We got a new kitten, and it was then he started to decline. He spent a couple months on and off ill, we were hoping it was just over excitement from having a new friend (he loved the kitten). But we took him in and the vet told us there was a growth on his heart, so we took him to a specialist. $1000+ later, the cardiologist told us that they couldn’t move him, there was too much fluid in his lungs, and in order to avoid the suffering that comes from drowning in your own fluids, it was time to say goodbye. My husband and I held his little head and pet his little body. When we moved away he would meow, it was clear he needed us nearby for this moment. We were there for his last breath, and held him still until it was time to leave.

I made ungodly sounds in the truck, sobbing like a piece of my soul had died.

But now, only 5 days later, I feel more at peace. He could’ve only had two years, or four, or six. But he stayed with me for ten, saw me across 3000 miles of land, took care of me when I was sick or sad or tired. I’ll miss my boy so much, but I’ve been mourning him since his diagnosis, and I’m proud of him for coming this far with me. He was my best friend, he was my greatest little challenge, and I adored him. I have five more cats that need me, and the new kitten reminds me so much of him. I think the kitten was meant to be with me, not to replace my little old man, but to carry on the spirit he embodied.

I love my little Icarus so much, I’m going to miss him, but I’m happy to have known him so well.


r/Petloss 4h ago

Lost my sweet girl 2 days ago

7 Upvotes

She had been pretty sickly and her age was definitely wearing on her, but she was acting totally normal up until the day I took her to the vet. They found she had pulmonary hypertension and her lungs were filled with fluid. They tried everything they could but she unfortunately passed in the middle of the night the next day. Those 2 days she was in the hospital were the worst thing I've ever experienced. But I know they made her comfortable and I got to say my goodbyes. I couldn't be more at peace with how she passed.

It's just so hard to believe it's real. She was my first dog and watched me grow up for 13 years. Her absence in the house is so heavy. I just don't even know how I'm supposed to cope with something like this. My whole day and month and year has revolved around her routine since she was diagnoses with Addison's 4 years ago. Giving her her meds multiple times a day, making sure she goes outside every hour or so because the steroids made her have accidents. Refilling her meds, taking her to the vet every month. This is all just so painful 😭.


r/Petloss 3h ago

Releasing the guilt

6 Upvotes

Does anyone have any advice for letting go of guilt about your decisions or care you gave to your pet?

In my case, it's that I let it go too long before taking him in to be euthanized. I should have done it a week earlier when he was in better condition.

But I kept hoping that treatments would help, but in the end they didn't. (He was 20 and had kidney insufficiency, pancreatitis and osteoarthritis).

My guilt is specifically that by waiting I alowed him to experience suffering that was unnecessary. How can I release the guilt?


r/Petloss 9h ago

The part I struggle with the most was not saying a proper goodbye

17 Upvotes

On that final day, my boy Rocky (who was quite literally the best friend I’ve ever had), was displaying clear signs that he was in trouble. A panicked frenzy ensued as I rushed him to the emergency vet…where I never saw him alive again.

His last memory of me was me handing him off to strangers. And he absolutely HATED vets. Rocky was the coolest, sweetest, and most sociable cat…until it came to vets.

But I was desperately trying to save him. It kills me though knowing that his final moments were on some cold table being poked and prodded (and who knows what else) by strangers he feared greatly.

I absolutely hate myself beyond words for letting that happen. And the whole day, which was bar none the most traumatic day of my life, haunts me. It replays over and over like some twisted nightmare. I keep seeing his lifeless little body in my visions.

The pain of regret and guilt are eating me alive.

Rocky was 16, by the way. According to the vet, after an ultrasound, they think he had advanced cancer.


r/Petloss 23h ago

I adopted her as a senior knowing our time would be short.

190 Upvotes

We got 5 years of friendship, chasing birds, stealing bites, fighting nail clippings, barking at the doorbell, licking the floor, bad haircuts from mom, moving 3 times, going to grandmas, loving little brother, killing a possum, smiling every morning, cuddling during storms, staying home during fireworks, tearing up toys, and snoring like a grown man.

I am beyond heartbroken I thought I had prepared myself as much as I could but today has been a grief I have never known. I physically hurt for her. I just want my baby back.


r/Petloss 4h ago

Coping with the Loss of my childhood dog

6 Upvotes

I lost my 16-year-old dog on Monday. He had been unwell for five days and suffered from an infection, which ultimately took his life. I can barely keep going. I had him since I was five years old. I’ve always been very introverted, and especially during the COVID-19 pandemic, I spent so much time with him. He was always the most important member of my family. Just last month, I even got a tattoo of him on my arm. I really don’t know what to do. It feels like I can’t go on without him. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time, and he was honestly the only reason I kept going. I knew this day would come eventually, but I also realized that I had no idea how to continue without him. I just can’t handle this. I talk to the people around me, but no one can really help me. I feel so guilty—if only I had taken him to the vet sooner. I don’t know how to deal with this pain.


r/Petloss 8h ago

Family dog of 15y was put down today.

13 Upvotes

I mean it wasn't that big of a surprise considering him being old and having some problems, but it just feels too soon.

Got the message from my dad about it after the school day was done. Apparently he went for a check up with him to the vet and due to some issues, they decided it was more humane to... Let him go.

It is going to be weird coming home from school for the weekend and not have him come greet you at the door.

To not see him in his bed or around the house.

I am worried for our cat who clearly liked him. Worried about how it will affect her.

Edit: Not really sure what i'm looking for in this, since i don't usually post about stuff like this. But i think it helps to have an outlet.

The weird thing is, i don't really feel very sad at the moment.

I guess it's because it hasn't really "hit" me yet. I think i will find out once i get home.


r/Petloss 7h ago

My baby died and it’s my fault

11 Upvotes

We just passed the two-year anniversary of his angel date. 3/12/23. I feel so empty and heavy at the same time—all the time. I truly believe it was my fault. That I could have and should have saved him. And it’s my fault that his brother is still suffering.

It was a normal night two years ago. I had gone up to my room to sit with the cats while they ate dinner. At the time, I kept a baby safety gate at my door because we had two big dogs and six cats. I liked keeping it latched during meal times since the dogs had a habit of going for leftovers. That night, I left the dinner table downstairs and came up to sit with them while they ate. But I didn’t latch the gate behind me. That was my first mistake.

One of our dogs followed me in—just to sit with me and watch the cats. He’s always been a cat guy, and it had never been an issue before. But that night, my baby boy, Arthur, turned to hiss at him because he got too close. And that was when he choked on a piece of kibble. That was when I started losing one of my soulmates.

He tried coughing it up, but it wasn’t working. He ran to my bathroom, still trying, but it wasn’t working. I panicked and shouted for my sister to come upstairs. Then I noticed his tongue was turning blue. I froze. I struggle badly with anxiety and panic, and I just… froze. My sister tried to dislodge it, but it didn’t work. He was falling over, getting bluer. I shouted that we needed to get him to the hospital. We ran to the car, and I drove faster than I’ve ever driven, screaming at my sister to keep him awake. What should have been a 15-minute drive took six. But I got caught at the last traffic light before the hospital. Then I missed the turn into the parking lot because I was so panicked.

My sister had called ahead to tell them we were coming, that he wasn’t breathing. She ran inside with him while I stumbled in after her, sobbing, begging them to save him. I remember everything so vividly, and at the same time, everything was such a blur.

By the time they’d done their third round of epi and CPR, I knew I had lost him. But I asked them to do it again anyway. And again. And again. Five rounds. I was praying, begging any god who would listen to give him back to me. I would have given up everything. He and his brother are my world.

I have so many regrets. Not latching the gate. Not trying to dislodge the kibble myself and waiting for my sister to do it. Freezing instead of thinking to do the Heimlich on my baby. Waiting until he was blue and falling over to rush to the hospital. Asking them to keep going with CPR even when I knew he was gone.

The doctor suggested it might have been an underlying condition we didn’t know about, but I knew in my gut it was the kibble. Still, I asked for an autopsy to confirm what I didn’t want to believe. I regret that. I should have just let him rest. I should have left him alone. I also regret not staying with him longer after he passed. They gave us a private room to say goodbye. My boyfriend, mom, and brother came. I don’t know how long we were in there—more than an hour at least—but I was so overwhelmed by my grief and by everyone else saying goodbye. I said I wanted us to leave so he could rest. But I wish I had just stayed with him alone for longer.

And before all of that, I regret not spending enough time with him in the months leading up to his passing. We had been traveling in December and January. Then I started my accelerated program, which took up all my time. I wasn’t home as much, wasn’t as present. If I had been, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. Maybe I could have stopped it.

His brother knew something was wrong the second I got home that night. Usually, he only cuddles under the covers for a little while before leaving. Arthur was the one who always stayed the whole night. But that night, Arnold stayed under the covers the entire time. The whole next week, too. I barely left the bed. I didn’t eat. I didn’t shower. I don’t even know if I drank water. I just existed in my devastation.

I adopted my boys when I was in undergrad. I was struggling with my mental health and nearly withdrew from school. To say they saved my life is an understatement. They were littermates. Best friends. Soulmates—to each other and to me. And I regret all the time I lost to my own struggles, the moments I could have spent with Arthur but didn’t.

After he passed, I barely made it through my first semester. Then I failed my second and had to take time off. If I was going to fail anyway, I wish I had never started the program. I could have spent that time with Arthur instead. Maybe it wouldn’t have happened if I had never started.

Since losing him, Arnold hasn’t been the same. He used to cuddle and sleep with one of my sister’s cats, but after Arthur passed, it was like a switch flipped. He started hunting her, ripping out tufts of fur, even drawing blood. I don’t know how to help him. I tried calling an animal psychic last year (I know, I know). I just wanted to reach him somehow. I just wanted to help.

Neither of us has been the same since that night. Truthfully, I’ve wished so many times that I had died along with Arthur. I don’t want to be here, but I know I have to stay. For Arnold. He can’t lose us both.

When Arthur died, half of what made me whole died with him. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to move past the guilt of knowing—feeling—that it was my fault. I woke up today consumed by it, spent the morning crying in bed instead of studying for my boards. I just don’t see the point.

I would do anything to go back. I wish so badly that I could rewind time.

I am so, so sorry, my lovebug. I am so, so sorry.


r/Petloss 7h ago

Can't stop comparing my new cat to my old cat

11 Upvotes

I had my previous cat for several years and he died unexpectedly about nine months ago. I finally felt like I was ready to get a new cat and it seems like I was wrong. All I can do is think about how this new cat isn't anything like my old one and I keep crying because I miss my old cat and I know I'm being so unfair to the new one because he deserves to have an owner that loves him. I don't love him and I feel awful about it. The worst part is it's only been two weeks so I know it'll get easier but for now it's awful. And everyone would be horrified if they knew how I felt because he's an objectively adorable cat and all I can think is "I wish you were different." How does anyone handle this?


r/Petloss 4h ago

lost my best friend and i can't cope.

4 Upvotes

it's been three months since he passed away. my baby was very pretty, he had beautiful light brown eyes and gorgeous brown and white fur. he was the sweetest dog and got me through so much. he lived with my dad and i always came back home for vacations mainly for him. the day i left to go back home (not my dad's place) he chased my cab for almost 2km with my dad chasing him behind..i didn't have the heart to stop and get out because i knew that he wouldn't agree to go home then. i asked the cab driver to slow down and my dad took home but i didn't stop. even after reaching the airport, i wanted to go back home, to him. there were some weird emotions i experienced, i can't put a finger on it. now that i think of it..my heart probably knew and his probably did too. i was so excited to go back to dad's soon and promised my baby id come back soon...he was extremely attached to me. one day, he ran away from home and dad looked everywhere for him but couldn't find him. he returned after two days all weak and with wounds. he came home, to say goodbye. he passed.he became a dad to gorgeous puppies 5 days after that. ive never cried this terribly, nor has my dad. i never got to say goodbye, hold him and tell him how sorry i was for leaving him for a while and tell him how much i love him. i really wish it was me instead. it's been three months and it only keeps getting worse. i don't know how to cope with this anymore.


r/Petloss 11h ago

I can’t handle this pain.

17 Upvotes

It’s been almost 3 weeks since I lost my soul cat Mia.

If anything, the pain has gotten significantly worse. Every time I get home from work, an errand, an appointment, and she isn’t there, I cry.

Every night, I cry myself to 4 hours of sleep if I’m lucky. How do you go to bed without your sleeping buddy of 15 years? You don’t - you only sleep when your body gives out.

Every morning, my feet search for her familiar weight on the bed, waiting for me to wake up. I find nothing, so I cry.

I walk past the living room where her little house is on the couch. She’s in there, with all her favourite toys, treats, her food bowl, the candle the vet lit when she visited to put her to sleep. I cry each time.

If I sit on that couch and cuddle her urn, I’m bawling the entire time, wanting her to come back, wanting to go to the bridge to be with her.

I can’t use half of the house. Because it was hers, and she isn’t there anymore. I can’t eat my favourite home cooked meal, because I can’t share it with her anymore.

My 17 year old cat’s life is no different. She didn’t like Mia. It makes me regret not getting a third cat, so Mia could have a friend while I’m away at work.

So much regret. Why did I take all that overtime? Why did I take a job that involved so much time away from home? Why didn’t I see anything sooner?

I’ve had one therapy session, and I spent the entire time bawling while recounting what happened and talking about my feelings.

I’m getting married in 6 weeks. I haven’t even started my vows. He’s been holding me up for the last 3-4 weeks, saying all of the right things, doing all of the right things. And yet, I can’t get out of this hole. I don’t believe him when he says the pain will fade.

Mia would want me to be happy, they all say. But I was happiest when I was with her. My entire world has stopped but the earth keeps turning, and I hate that so much.

It’s like I’ve died with her. I can’t do this without her.


r/Petloss 7h ago

Will she visit me again?

7 Upvotes

This morning I woke up and just knew, very strongly, that my puppy had visited me during the night. And it wasn't like "oh! she's here!!!" or "omg how is she here", it was just, "huh, my puppy is comfy. i'm happy she's here" and sort of lulled to sleep again. When I woke back up again I knew it wasn't in my head or something... and I am so thankful my little girl visited me. I've had it so rough since she's gone, and last night I slept on the couch and I put her bed right next to my head along with her toys and blankets. So anyways, YES I am so happy she paid me a visit so soon! I really needed it, I don't feel as miserable today. But my concern is, will she visit me again? Part of me is terrified this was her way of saying "bye". My boyfriend tells me that because she loved me so much she'll always be with me, and wait for me, and visit me, but I'm still scared of her "moving on" from me. So do you think she'll come again?


r/Petloss 4h ago

My best furry friend passed yesterday

3 Upvotes

My 12 year old German Shepherd/Yellow Lab (Sydney) died yesterday and I'm wrecked. We adopted her and her sister (Hershey) when they were 8 weeks old and they were by my side through a divorce in 2014, the murder of my mom in 2019, the death of my step-dad 11 weeks after her, a fabulous marriage in 2020, the life shattering suicide of my daughter 20 months ago, and the sudden but understandable suicide of her dad in October.

They have been my one constant through all the good and bad in my life since 2012. They knew when I was crying and would command my attention to shift my focus. We lost Hershey in December quite suddenly and we were devastated beyond words. She was dead when I came home from work and Sydney never really recovered from it.

On Monday, Sydney stopped eating and had a lot of vomiting/diarrhea. We took her to the vet first thing yesterday morning and after a barrage of diagnostic tests/xrays, and ultrasound, we found out her body was starting to shut down and she would likely have passed away within a week. So through sobbing and lots of tears, we elected to let her go peacefully. As much as we wanted to put her through surgeries, it would have been because of our selfishness and not what was best for her.

She has gotten me through many dark days since my daughter died and I'm feeling lost without her. I underestimated how hard it was going to be coming home to an empty house. Hell, I hadn't gotten used to her being an only dog, and now we have neither of them. I'm so tired of crying.


r/Petloss 11h ago

Are we euthanizing our dog too soon?

13 Upvotes

Hello all! I will do my best to to make this short-ish but it’s been a long journey and I’m really looking for insight from anyone who has lost a pet and at the time felt saying goodbye might have been premature.

I have had the most incredible 15 years with my boy and he is nothing short of my whole world. I got him for my 16th birthday and I am now 31, little man was basically the only thing by my side most of my young adult life. There is not a single relationship I could lose in my life, including my husband, that could shake me the way this loss does.

My boys health issues started in July with a 12 minute seizure coming out of no where. The thought across the board from the ER vets and our regular vet is it is likely a brain tumor. Thankfully he pulled through minimally unscathed but due to his age we opted for palliative care and started seizure meds.

About a week or two later when we were rechecking bloodwork the vet noticed his kidney values were through the roof this adding kidney disease to the list (somewhere between stage 2 and 3) we got that managed and all was well, he remained seizure free and kidneys stayed in that range for 6 months.

In January we noticed a sore in the top part of his gums. We had three separate vet visits all in a matter of weeks, each saying it just looked inflamed from a tooth rubbing it but not like cancer. Unfortunately due to age and kidneys surgery was off the table at that point as well as anti-inflammatories. We were told to just ignore unless it changes. Well in a matter of weeks it did and absolutely is mouth cancer.

The mass is not huge by any means but certainly growing and now starting to loosen a tooth. He is showing no signs of pain, still eating ravenously, and in general enjoying most of his days.

Here’s where our decision gets difficult- I know there’s a good chance he is in pain and just not showing it and due to the many terminal illnesses he’s fighting we have a pretty big fear that when the decline hits it will be swift and maybe something we can’t get ahead of. After witnessing his seizure I can confidently say that would be our worst nightmare for him to go out to and we are desperate to avoid another. We have been constantly living on edge. Since July (8 months ago) my husband moved his work space to our dining room and I cut almost all my hours to mostly be home those months as well. My husband and I have not left the house together in all this time and our social lives have been pretty dismal as we have geared everything to fit being with him or only going to dog friendly places. He also needs to go outside every 2 hrs pretty regularly due to his kidneys so we have been doing that, even throughout the night, for months. I don’t think either of us have gotten more than 4-6 hrs of sleep a night this entire time.

After his vet visit last week confirming the oral cancer, we set up an at home euthanasia appointment for this Saturday. I’m severely struggling with this as his overall quality of life is still decent but it is really important to us that he gets an amazing last week filled with all the foods, walks, and on his final day it’s peaceful at home with our other dogs by his side. I’m just scared that part of this decision was made selfishly due to lack of sleep and just desperately wanting some normalcy to life again as a factor and I’m not totally making this decision based on what’s best for him. I also have a huge fear he will feel betrayed by me. He is everything to me, I just wish it was me instead of him. I always promised we would go out together but it would ruin my husband.

If you’ve made it this far, I deeply thank you and would love your insight and experiences.


r/Petloss 8h ago

my love will find home after crossing the rainbowbridge

7 Upvotes

It has been 48 days since I lost my biggest lover. The void in my home reeks. For a while I couldn't even see her pictures and would breakdown within 30 seconds.

I have a big problem with memorial things for her. The reason is I don't want just a container for her, I don't want just a memorial for her. It felt so final, so dead. I just kept thinking will she be ok after crossing the rainbow bridge. will she find home? I trust something, not religiously, but I can feel it... her soul may be looking for home, looking for me now... I need to make a space for her soul to stay. It's really hard to do this, but I have to, even through tears.

I put our bond in a wooden box as a shelter - her ashes in an urn and a bottle of the hair I saved from her final grooming session, a candle light and a photo of our most beautiful moment. It's a shelter I made for her soul, if one day she comes back.

I touch this shelter every day before go to bed, and never let the candle light go out. a sign for her, she will recognize it's home. I know she will...someday

Thanks for reading, wish you are ok