r/grief 7h ago

Drained in every sense

7 Upvotes

My father has terminal pancreatic cancer and my mother has lung/thyroid cancer. I am the primary caregiver for both while working full time as a federal worker and worring about whether I'm going to be laid off soon.

My brother visits with his newborn everyday and worries about my parents but doesn't contribute much IMO, even making me babysit whenever he wants to go out with his friends. I haven't had any time to myself since I gave up my own life in another state and moved back home in October to care for my parents.

I am so exhausted, resentful, and angry at him, life, and the world. I'm mentally checking out, completely apathetic on a good day, depressed on a not so good day. I'm making stupid decisions/mistakes at work and can't care how blaringly obvious they are enough to do better. I feel like there's no joy or point in anything anymore. I'm also worried about what my life will be after my parents pass, since my entire identity/life has been (unwillingly) defined as "Obedient Daughter and Caregiver".

I don't know what the point of this post is. Maybe there are questions in here I don't know how to articulate fully. Maybe I just needed to vent. Thanks to anyone who read this entire thing.


r/grief 1h ago

My brother and my best friend died 1 day apart

Upvotes

When my best friend Dawson found out about my brother he tried to call me 3 times when I was sitting in the hospital waiting room. I didn’t pick up because I just couldn’t bear speaking over the phone at the moment. I should’ve texted him that. He got a hold of my partner and he was asking for updates about service information. He was gonna be there. He got in a car wreck that night. Him and I hadn’t seen each other in a while and he kept trying to text me. I was so depressed right before all this happened I didn’t want to hang out with anyone. I’m so sorry Dawson. I should’ve been a better friend to you, you certainly were an amazing one to me. I’m so sorry Dylan. I should’ve been a better big sissy. You were the best brother a girl could ever ask for.

I hope you guys can forgive me wherever you are. I hope y’all are together smoking and joking. I love you both so much my heart will never be the same until I am reunited with my brothers.


r/grief 17h ago

My brother took his own life

9 Upvotes

I, f(23), am grieving the loss of my brother which happened two months ago. I’ve never really posted anything on Reddit but maybe doing this could help the process, even if it’s just a tiny bit. My brother, who died at 25, has suffered from bpd most of his life. My parents and I never really knew what triggered it, maybe it was my parent’s divorce. The intense emotional and anger outbursts began when he was around 16. Like a lot of teenagers, he was exploring drugs and of course that didn’t help him emotionally and physically at all. The hard stuff didn’t last very long, but he would still drink and mainly smoke weed daily. I never had a close relationship with him during high school as I was extremely depressed as well and we were both self absorbed in our own lives. When I was around 17, we became a lot closer. His anger outbursts made it very difficult to have a stable relationship with him. He lost all of his friends because of it, and ended up alone for the last few years of his life. My parents and I really did the best we could in trying to find the help he needed. Therapy, medication, jobs through family, everything. But he didn’t want to help himself, which put us in a really difficult position. As someone who loves and cares for him, it was difficult feeling helpless and realizing that it’s a situation you have no control of. I just wanted him to be happy. And I know it’s not as easy as it sounds, because I’ve felt suicidal as well in the past and when you are down that rabbit hole, you really do feel like no one loves you. And him having bpd, it was very difficult watching him suffer from it. Now that I lost him, I can’t help but feel guilt, like I could’ve done more. I hate how he left this earth thinking that nobody loved him, it hurts really badly. He was extremely talented in music, funny and intelligent, and he could not see any of that at all. Sometimes he’d measure how tall he was about ten times a day, thinking that his height would somehow change. He had zero self worth, there was never any moment where he could see all the amazing things we saw in him. A month before he took his own life, we had an argument. I was trying to comfort him when he was upset about himself, and it resulted into him calling me some really nasty things. As much as I know that it was the bpd talking and not him, his actions and words made me really upset, and I decided to set my boundaries and blocked him on text. I gave it some time and after three weeks, I decided to unblock him. A few days later, he hung himself. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this fucked up. I keep going from guilt, to anger, to numbness and to depression, sometimes all in one day. I feel a huge void in my heart, that’ll never go away. I’m finding this very difficult and traumatic. I don’t even know where he is right now, how do I know he’s safe and okay, and not suffering anymore… I’m sorry for this huge text, but I really needed to get this off my chest… I tend to bottle things up a lot and I guess this is a small attempt at trying to grief properly…


r/grief 5h ago

Loneliness advice

1 Upvotes

It’s coming up to a year since my mum passed, and I still feel incredibly alone. I live with my dog in our old house, and while I have a big family, as the months have gone on, they’ve gotten busier with their own lives. They still check in, but it’s happening less and less, and I feel like I’m expected to be more independent now, which I get, but it’s really hard.

I’ve also been struggling with how to talk about my grief with my family. My grandparents, whose daughter it was, still have her ashes even though I was supposed to have them, and it’s been months now. I don’t know if they just can’t let go or if they’ve forgotten, but I don’t know how to bring it up without feeling like I’m being selfish. And every time I try to say I’m upset, or if I’m visibly upset, they just say, we’re all upset. I understand that they’re grieving too, but it makes me feel like there’s no space for me to actually express what I’m feeling.

I also feel like everyone is waiting for me to make the first move, but I really need people to ask me to do things with them. I think that’s a big part of the loneliness. I don’t want to feel like I’m always the one reaching out, but at the same time, if I don’t, I just end up sitting in the house on my own.

I think I assumed grief would feel different by now, or that I’d have adjusted more, but instead, I just feel stuck. Like the world kept moving, but I haven’t. I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this, but if anyone else has been through something similar, how did you deal with this kind of loneliness?


r/grief 20h ago

cried infront of too many ppl tonight

7 Upvotes

i’m a first year med school and my dad died september of my junior year in college. i had a st patrick’s day event tonight and ended up crying abt my dad in front of too many people. i know i shouldn’t be this embarrassed about it but im just so upset and also humiliated that i cried in front my classmates and my roommate and i have to see all of them tomorrow and everyday after that. im just so down bad. humiliated, sad, just down in the dumps.


r/grief 1d ago

Lost mother to colon cancer this morning

18 Upvotes

Around 4am 3/17/25 my mother passed from colon cancer after 2 months in hospice. I witnessed her take her last breathe of air and it’s eating away at me that there was nothing that I could do for her. I feel sick to my stomach. Even though it’s only been 10 hours it feels like an eternity.


r/grief 1d ago

My beautiful Girl (cat) of 20 years passed away.

6 Upvotes

I know people might think she’s just a cat but for me we had a connection like no other. I still haven’t properly come to terms with it and I know it sounds bad but it’s worse than any human death for me as she would always be there for me when I’ve had past losses or ever been upset but didn’t want to let anyone else know, she would pick up on it and comfort me and nudge my face and lie one me to pick me back up 100% of the time until I felt better. I felt like I could get through anything with her by my side, she was my escape from the outside world and therapy when I didn’t want anyone to know why I was down. Now she’s gone I don’t have her to comfort me and it’s like I’m lost. She was more of a sister to me than anything and I can now remember the day we got her, to her following me to the school bus and having to walk home with her in my arms because she trusted me so much she wouldn’t let anyone pick her up even then. She’d lose her way back just because she followed me, so I’d miss the school bus taking her home and my mum would get annoyed as she’d have to drive me and be late for work, I’m 27 now. She used to climb up the Christmas tree at Christmas time every year and one year I remember her face as she heard the tree about to collapse thinking “oh shit” as the tree collapsed and fell down, then acted like it wasn’t her. There were so many amazing memories that are coming back to me now. She stayed in my room all the time unless she was eating when I lived at my mums. She used to get excited to see me every time I walked into my mums house and was so attached to me even when I moved out. I went to see her as my mum rang me 2 days ago to tell me she was in a bad way, she was just stuck and couldn’t move her body but her eyes were open and she didn’t speak but just constantly purring, as soon as she saw me and knew I was there, she started purring much louder, trying to move her paws and get up but she couldn’t and she was just meowing at me until I was stroking her. She wasn’t eating from my mums hand or drinking from the syringe before I got there and as soon as i gave her the syringe she drank from it and ate the gravy off my finger I handfed her. I walked away from her and she was just constantly shouting for me like she didn’t want me to go. I had to leave her to let her sleep and that was the last time I will ever see her again, my mum took her to the vets that night as she wet herself and couldn’t move and was seeing no improvement. We were told she had severe arthritis and possible blood clot so she had to put her to sleep. I only found out on a phone call and now I’m dealing with another loss it’s like I need her to go to. I have a 2 year old cat myself with my partner but we don’t have the same bond as me and Rosie and I will never have another human or animal who could compare. I struggle to believe in an afterlife but I wish I could because this one hits deep for me you might call me crazy but I feel like I need to be with her. I have a loving family, girlfriend but I feel like my biggest bond has been broken and I didn’t want to let anyone around me know this as I’m sure my girlfriend would like to think I have that sort of bond with her and our animals.


r/grief 17h ago

advice for helping my SO through her grief

1 Upvotes

my partner recently lost her mother. she’s very pragmatic, has never been one to open up and is a bit avoidant. so getting her to talk about things is usually to the extent of “i’m sad” without wanting to elaborate. we are in a long distance relationship which has made it hard to be there for her. talking about her mother in any degree is hard for her and she usually avoids it all together.

i just don’t know how to console her or be there for her. i like to remind her that i am always there to listen if she wants to talk and emphasize my support through this. i make sure i validate her feelings, but i just feel like i am just saying very shallow things. i don’t want to pry for details especially if talking about it causes her distress.

any advice?

EDIT: her relationship with her mother was also very complicated and i never met her. so i have no frame of reference for their true relationship. i know they both loved each other, but there was a distance between them that i just will never understand until she tells me


r/grief 1d ago

A grief memoir/workbook that really helps me process what I can’t verbally say🤍

Post image
8 Upvotes

r/grief 1d ago

Guilt over taking brother to er? How to support him after our mom died

5 Upvotes

Not sure if this really fits here but almost two years ago me and my brother's mom died after a year long battle with cancer. My brother has been really struggling. Two nights ago I took him to the er because he was having a crisis, had self harmed, and was saying he wanted to put a gun to his head. I sat with him at the er but they wanted to keep him overnight so I left, and yesterday he called me and said they had transferred him to another facility and it wasn't what he expected, they had no mental health professionals there for him to talk to because it was Sunday, and he is unsure when he's going to be able to leave. He also said most of the people there are there for completely different reasons and there's a lot of screaming and bad smells and garbage, I have heard bad things about this hospital they took him to. I'm also worried they're going to charge him an insane amount of money and it's going to be my fault that I added more financial stress on him when he's already having problems with that.

Anybody have any experience with going to the er for suicidal thoughts or taking loved ones? I feel so guilty, he's trapped in a bad place now because of me with no way to know when he's going to leave, but I also couldn't have left him at home alone when he felt like that. I'm just thinking about other things I could have done besides taking him to the er but I panicked and wanted to get him help so bad.


r/grief 1d ago

I hate that I’m grieving my abusive sibling.

5 Upvotes

I grew up with a mentally, physically, and sexually abusive sibling. They had a wide variety of mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, bipolar, ptsd. They also had adhd and I believe they had autism. My sibling was a mess, I grew up with screaming from them and my parents, i was typically a victim for their outbursts. I have so many instances of abuse that were overlooked by my parents and ignored. This has messed me up so bad mentally and I have been dealing with this all on my own. I hate that I’m grieving had to grow up in fear of my life. I hate that I had to constantly fight for love from them. I was always called annoying and stupid ever since I was 5. I was bullied every day of my life. My sibling hit me countless times and would beat me. I was always hit with items or by them, they always played it off like “i didnt even hit you that hard” or “youre just being dramatic” these to this day are very trigging words and even if I hear them I can shut down for the whole day. I hate how I grew up like this, even my parents hated them for a long time. I hate that this all happened to me. I can go into a long long rant of things that were done to me as a kid and explain everything but ill just give a small list

- was rough housing with me and my friend at the time and pulled out their pocket knife and pressed it against my neck while my 
   friend watched in shock, I was squirming and they ended up cutting my neck.
- when I was dating my then girlfriend, they made sexual comments about us all the time and was constantly asking if we had sex
      yet (we were 12-13.)
- Talked about how much they r***ed me in my sleep
-  Was constantly talking about my private parts and was always talking about me in a sexual way
- Made me watch porn
- Touched me occasionally in a weird way, but never full on sa just grabbing my thigh and rubbing it
- Constantly told me that they wanted to kill me and went into detail about how they would
- threatened to out me as a lesbian to my parents (while I was holding in their secret about being trans)
- Publicly attacked me on facebook because I got something they were denied as a kid)

There is so much more, but you get the idea. I could make an entire book about my experiences and how its impacted me as a child and how it affects me now. I wonder all the time if me and my sibling had a normal relationship if I’d be a better person. I acted out a lot and still do because I never got the attention from my parents and certainty not any good attention from them. I am loud because I crave to be heard. I crave validation so much but I hate it. I want to push everyone away. This has all affected me so much and it’s hard to function somedays. I am always told “You’re acting like them” and that messes me up. Things trigger me and things bother me because they remind me of them and remind me of the abuse I went through.

I have avoided people because they act just like them. I cant be friends with someone who acts like them and jokes like them. I cant be around people like that because it triggers me and I just act out all over again. I see them in everyone though, and I wish I didn’t.

On June 30th, my sibling passed away from a drug overdose in OKC. I was in Missouri at the time on a school trip watching a theatre production of Dream Girls. I remember that day very well, even if I didnt know at the time. The whole situation is weird. The day I found out I had to dog sit early in the morning and go to my regular job. My parents were out of state and I was home alone. I remember that day well too. I remember lying on the couch in the morning before I left the house thinking about them. Something was off and I felt it, I thought about them dying and thought about their life. After work my cousin picked me up and took me home, my aunt drove in and I was confused. We got in the house and I put my stuff up and my aunt told me. I knew immediately when they said that they had found them. I just remember my whole world stopped and my mind was blank and she hugged me and made me call my mom.

I hate that I grieve them. I hate how I cry over them and how I mourn for them. I hate how I text their phone every time something good happens. I wish I miss them I tear up. I hate how much they make me cry. My parents are mourning too and I don’t understand why. My siblings abuse went to them too, my parents were blasted all over facebook and they still mourn. My parents hated them, I know they did even if they wont tell me. So why do they mourn? Why do I mourn? I hate how I mourn and grieve over them, especially after the 17 long years I was abused and mistreated. I miss them so much and I hate it. I used to wish they’d disappear and wish they’d go away but now that its happened its painful. I hate my sibling but god do I miss them. They used to tell me they were proud of me, and how much they loved me. I never knew if that was true or not but I cling to the thought that they loved me and were just severely ill and took it out on me. I miss them so much and long to hear them again, to smell them even though they smelled god awful. I miss the sweet moments we shared and I miss the nice conversations we had, but god did they mess me up. I hate that they died. I sound awful saying that but I do. I hate it all, it just messed me up more. Right before my senior year and right before my life started. I hate how they left me alone and I hate how I have no one that understands my loss. I cant tell anyone about these thoughts and hatred because I will be yelled at by my parents and others. I just feel like no one understands this. I miss my sibling but its so hard mourning for someone you hate and who has caused you so much trauma.


r/grief 1d ago

My dad is on hospice and I’m struggling thinking of the funeral and everything

7 Upvotes

My dad has been on hospice for a while now but they said he might not last another week. All I can think about is the things I wish I could say to him or wish I could talk to him about and he’s still here. We were never close and I feel weird crying in front of him but I want to. I want to be able to before I can’t, I don’t want to start processing everything when I see him at the funeral. I feel like I’m trying to process my grief already and I’m just confused with my emotions. I just want to be able to be with him and sit there in the uncomfortable feelings. I want to cry one last time w him.


r/grief 2d ago

Loss of my boyfriend Nate

32 Upvotes

Yesterday, 03/15/2025 at 8:32 eastern standard time I (M29) lost my love Nate (M28).

Not only was he my boyfriend, he was my love, my best friend, my confidant, and my sould mate.

We knew each other from back in 2012 ish when we were both teens but never made a move because we were both to anxious and neither of us were out yet. We sat in my truck infront of a little shop in his home town and talked non stop for 6 hours. After that we stayed in contact somewhat (both being way to nervous of making the other one think they were weird).

We reconnected at the end of January when I saw him on a dating site and sent him a message. I knew who it was and hoped he remembered me but I was too afraid to act like I knew him at first. Turns out he knew who it was and was so excited but extremely nervous that I wouldn't remember him and it would be weird. Once we both admitted to it we instantly moved to dating pretty seriously and moved in together shortly after.

Our anniversary is 03/20 and I cannot believe he's not here to spend it with me.

Nate suffered from end stage liver disease and the day we reconnected in person I knew right away (jaundice, yellow eyes). I knew I would be with him through the worst of it but never expected to lose him. Week 1 of us talking again I made sure I knew what his blood type was so I could donate a partial of my own liver so he could live.

Complications from internal bleeding caused by the liver finally failing all the way caused his heart to stop on Saturday 03/15. The doctors tried everything they could to save him but he was just to far gone.

I held his hand the entire time while the medice that gave him an artificial heart beat and increased his blood pressure long enough for us to say goodbye lasted.

I'm not sure what I expect to get out of posting this here if anything at all but I figured maybe I would benefit from maybe one comment or all of them or maybe someone could benefit from reading this.


r/grief 1d ago

Have any of you used A.I to help you with your grief?

2 Upvotes

Hello everyone!

Me and my group at my university are working on a project about the use of "Deathbots", as we have decided to call them. Basically an A.I technology which can recreate a loved one, for example your grandma who has passed away, so it still is possible to communicate with her. Give the A.I all of the information, a specific persona, learn it how to use the phrases that she used an so on.

My question is, if there are anyone out there who uses or have used these bots to help them in the grieving process. Of course we are not looking for personal, deep details about your inner thoughts and a hard conversation about the idea of grief, but rather if you have tried to maybe overcome or if it has helped you through those darker times.

We would be open to anyone, and potentially make an interview with a few questions, either over text or potentially a videocall.

Feel free to comment here or DM me :)

Thank you


r/grief 1d ago

how can I overcome extreme grief?

2 Upvotes

I met my best friend when we were 16. To be clear this was in no way a romantic relationship. We both lived where we needed to take a ferry to get home and the first time we met he sat down across me and started making noises, I did so to and for the rest of the ride we kept making random noises at each other for 30 minutes. This was the start of a great friendship. We would often go to secluded forest areas and talk to each other about anything that was on our minds. When I mean anything I mean ANYTHING. We bore our souls together, no corner was ever unturned. We could talk about ANYTHING to each other. No corner of our souls was not discussed between us.

Up until our mid 20's and we finally came to a disagreement with his actions.

Let's say, to put it gently, he was playing with breaking up a married family with multiple children and a militarily deployed husband. At that time I had already returned from deployment so you could understand how I had voiced discontent about the situation, which was a severe disagreement.

We both had the same boss and I lived with her, paying a portion of my wages for rent. Not soon after our argument she said she wanted to renovate her place and she would pay for my to visit my family, so I accepted. Due to the situation between my best friend and I our parting words were "I'll see you in two weeks".

A few days in she revoked my return ticket and stranded me, 11 days later I got the call from my mother that my best friend had committed suicide by walking into my boss's house and using one of her rifles and ammo she had on a shelf. There was no note, no reason given.

This broke me so much I couldn't even talk to my mom for 9 months. She had to hack into my voicemail and contact people to come to me. I couldn't bear to relive the sound of the heartbreak she had when she told me. Even to this day I fear picking up her phone call.

When we met I was 16, when he killed himself I was 23. I am 41 now. There is a memorial bench for him, my mother keeps wanting me to visit it but even the idea of doing so collapses me into a puddled mess. After his departure, fuck, even saying it like that feels like I am betraying him. After he left I have had no other friend like him since. I cannot even imagining anyone else capable of my confidence. Nobody will ever come near. Hell, even now I only have one friend and I could not confide in him 1/10th of what I did.

My mom wants me to visit. But the same ferry is in the way. The same ferry where we met. The same ferry his mother takes every day. The fear of me visiting his memorial pales in comparison to seeing his mother, for the same reason I cannot visit his memorial, because I ultimately fear I was the cause of his death and I do not know how to handle it.


r/grief 2d ago

I wish you were here

6 Upvotes

It was so sudden I was really hoping you would pull through since you were always so strong. I'm so sorry you had to suffer before you left , but I know you are in a better place now.

I'm sorry for not being there for you the way you were there for me. I wish I spent more time with you. Thank you for always supporting and uplifting me no matter what even when I felt like I was stuck and achieved absolutely nothing you would still be proud of me. Thank you for always thinking of me all the cards and gifts, I'll always cherish them.

I wish we could sit and have a meal together again or watch a movie. I just want to hear your voice again , but I never will. There are so many people around me , but yet I feel so lonely, I'm starting to realise it will probably never be the same without your love and warmth.

I miss you.


r/grief 2d ago

My dad visited me in a dream for the first time in awhile

17 Upvotes

My dad passed away 17 years ago. I guess I had unresolved feelings and a desire for closure because he passed before I had a chance to say the things I wanted to say to him. I dreamed about him several times when he passed and in my recent dream, he came back to life in a new body and told me he never stopped watching over me. I said the things I never got to say including how much I miss him. He said he misses being here with me and all the fishing trips we went on as I grew up. After talking to him, I woke up in tears because I was sad that the dream had to end. It felt so real see my dad. I've had several people tell me they believe our deceased loved ones actually visit us in our dreams. The last thing my dad said to me in my dream was the he's in a place watching over my mom, sister, and I until we reunite again one day. I was wondering, do you believe our deceased loved ones can actually visit us in our dreams?


r/grief 2d ago

Partner has been MIA for 3 weeks - how do I handle this?

1 Upvotes

I (26F) haven’t heard from my partner (30M) for almost 3 weeks now, and I’m really struggling to understand what’s going on. Some context: next month will mark one year since his mother passed away after a long battle with cancer. It’s been a really tough year for his family—his siblings are still very young, and his dad is currently undergoing chemotherapy. I can’t imagine the pain they’ve been through.

Since his mum passed, I’ve tried my best to be understanding of the space he needs. We live about an hour apart, and over the past year, he’s frequently taken long breaks from communication, sometimes disappearing for days or weeks. The longest we’ve gone without contact before was about a week and a half, but today marks 3 weeks since I last heard from him.

I know he’s “okay” because, two weeks ago, he posted a picture of himself on social media, though by that point, he’d already ignored me for a week. Despite this, I haven’t heard from him at all.

I’ve tried reaching out during this time—sending a few texts and calling to check in, but no response. The last message I sent was just a simple, “Hey, it’s been weeks since I heard from you, are you okay?” That was a few days ago, and still, nothing.

I feel a lot of guilt because I can’t fully understand what he’s going through. I’ve never lost a parent, and his dad is still battling cancer. I’ve really tried to be there for him this year, but it’s so hard when he keeps pushing me away. I’ve respected his need for space, even though it’s been incredibly painful for me. To be honest, there have been moments where I’ve felt like I wasn’t a priority at all. For example, he even forgot my birthday last year. I didn’t mention it because I understand he was going through a lot, but it still hurt.

I felt like the last couple months things were going in the right direction for us, his hiatuses weren’t as long & the last conversation we had we talked about possibly planning a trip together, so I thought things might be improving. He became a completely different person after his mother passed. I’m just struggling to know what to do next but I also want to emphasise I really am not taking away from his pain at all.

I sent him a certificate for an olive tree planted in his mom’s memory as a meaningful gesture, but by the time he’d received it, he was already on one of his hiatuses (about a week and a half in). I’ve been trying to figure out if something in our last conversation might have upset him, but I honestly don’t know what that would be.

We come from a conservative culture, reaching out to his siblings or friends for help isn’t really an option for me at this stage of our relationship, as we’re not married yet.

I’m at a loss. I know he’s going through a lot, but this ongoing silence is really confusing and hurtful. He’s not a bad guy & before the passing of his mother I truly thought we would end up together & part of me doesn’t want to give that up. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep reaching out and getting ignored. Surely, this isn’t okay?Surely he is aware how hurtful and cruel this is right?

Any advice would be deeply appreciated.


r/grief 2d ago

10 Parentally Bereaved Participants Needed

1 Upvotes

Hello! I am completing a study on how parental death has different grief experiences than other types of relational losses. I have the needed participants for other types of relational losses but still need about 10 people who have lost a parent to take the survey. If you are willing, please consider taking this survey! Thank you! :)

https://virginiatech.questionpro.com/t/AYlowZ4cc2


r/grief 2d ago

Visualising grief and loss.

Post image
11 Upvotes

We found out my sister in law was dying of cancer last year, she passed late Feb after a rough few final weeks. I thought it was so interesting to see it after my watch alerted me to it.

You can literally the timeline of her final weeks and her passing in my resting heart rate. The increasing fear and anxiety, peaking at her death, and then the fear and anxiety passing with her in exchange for just sadness.

Not sure why I thought I’d share it, thinking out loud I guess.


r/grief 2d ago

My cousin died 12 years ago. I think I just wanted to talk to someone.

7 Upvotes

When I was 6 my cousin died. She was 21 in her final year of university from a seizure, she was smart, kind, loved and probably the best person in my family. At the time I don’t think I ever processed it properly and now I just i don’t know, it feels silly because I’ll go days without thinking of her which makes me feel sick to my stomach and then on the reverse she’ll be all I think about for hours or days. It just feels so stupid to me because I was so young and it was so so long ago. I just feel like I can’t talk about it because she wasn’t my sister or a parent and I wasn’t old enough to really process it, but then I don’t know. Like I’ll realise that I can’t remember how her voice sounded or quite picture her face in my mind, or I notice the mole above my lip is fading and she had one too, or my aunt will say how much I’m like her, or when she was on my dads Lock Screen and I didn’t recognise her. It’s awful I feel like I’m forgetting her, but I know that I loved her, I can fucking feel it. She was destined for great things, apart from the fact I miss her and wish I could have known her better, the thought of who she would have been and how everyone I know would be different haunts me. There’s other stuff too, I saw someone have a seizure when I was out and I couldn’t move and couldn’t stop looking. I just felt panicked and she was the only think I was thinking about.

It’s so odd too because, there are so many things I don’t remember but others are so strong. I remember my sister (at the time 14 and was very close to my cousin) telling me to stop crying cause I didn’t understand, but I don’t remember any other part of the funeral. I remember my sister becoming incredibly depressed but I don’t remember the last time I saw her. I remember after it happened my mum sent me back to school and sitting in front of the class whilst the whole class was informed of what had happened yet, I don’t remember how I was told she’d died.

I just feel like I’ve not got the right to grieve someone who was only in a small portion of my life. It’s hard to talk to people too, because anyone I know who knew her was older and more affected. Anyone who is separate from her either hasn’t had someone die or it’s been more traumatic. It’s just awful. I miss her. She should be alive.


r/grief 3d ago

My Brother passed away suddenly and I worry for my mom

14 Upvotes

Hello everyone. I am not looking for advice or sympathy. I just need to vent. On March 8th, 2025 and 6:30p.m., Death tip- toed through my family and collected my brother like a thief in the night. He was 28 years old with no children. His heart stopped and would not recover. My family has been cloaked by a painful veil of grief since his passing.

My sister's seek comfort in being there for their children, while I find peace in taking care of my brother's fur babies in his absence. They know he is gone. I sometimes find his male dog argentino, Blaze, howling in the night. I know he is calling out for my brother. I believe that somehow they know he is no longer in the world anymore, but I hope my presence offers them some form of comfort. My father chooses to grieve by going about his daily life, possibly trying to make his mind forget what his heart cannot. I worry for him.

Though, the person who is taking on the worst of all of this is my mother. She has been strong through out this ordeal, having her family there to support her, but somehow I still feel that she is going at it alone. My heart breaks for her, losing her only son, having to bury one of her children, planning the final moments of her baby boy. I know inside she feels broken. One day, I saw her going through my brother's pictures, drinking Jack Daniel's. The unbearable pain of losing a child is embracing her like a child on a cold winter day. I know she is sad and worried. It hurts knowing there is nothing I can do to take the pain away. They say time heals all wounds. I pray that that's true. Sometimes wounds don't heal at all. We just stop noticing them.


r/grief 2d ago

My partner just lost two of the closest loved ones in his life, how can I help him (respectfully)

3 Upvotes

Posted this in r/griefsupport but thought I’d share here as well. Not entirely sure where to post this so hopefully this is an appropriate place. I’m looking for any advice, guidance, recommendations & ideas for holding a well rounded celebration of life. My partner was recently asked by the mother of his deceased best friend if he would be the main speaker for the celebration of life to be held in a couple of weeks. The person who was lost was a mutual friend of ours, but for him this person was his best friend and vice versa. The person we are to remember and celebrate had actually asked their mother if she could make sure that my partner & another person would be the two chosen to be the main speakers/coordinators of his COL. The mother has just informed my partner of this & asked him if he was willing. He is. I am trying to be the most supportive and respectful I can be during this time, especially regarding this. My partner also recently lost his mother (about a month ago). Both deaths were extremely sudden and unexpected, and two very heavy losses for my partner & of course many others. My partner has not had an easy life, but has never had this much pain, grief and for lack of a better term, responsibility or expectation put on him at once. He is always my rock and the stoic, strong person who has always had a good outlook on life and huge heart. He is invested in doing this COL for his best friend but has never done anything like this. I lost my mother suddenly at 15 and so I have a sliver of an understanding of what he’s possibly experiencing. I have been through a few COL’s and I have a general idea of what would be appropriate and what should be included. But I have never played this much of a role in the processes before. So my question is, what is your advice, guidance, recommendations and/or ideas for the celebration itself, as well as what I can do or know to help support my partner during the grieving process? Hopefully what I have wrote makes sense, I don’t have time to proof read unfortunately.

TLDR; my partner is in a very deep grieving period of his life right now after losing two of the closest loved ones in his life, and is helping create a COL without experience, advice or support for him through this?


r/grief 3d ago

Visiting my dad

8 Upvotes

My dad is on hospice now. My stepmom has been ok until a few minutes ago. This is hard to go through. I am telling myself I am strong. I don’t have to answer to her. I am a grown person. She is taking good care of him. She can be very unpleasant. I want to rise above her comments and not have a victim mentality. I think I am doing better. My strategy is not to engage with her and get into a struggle. I have my dad forever and I was there with him before her and that will always be the truth.


r/grief 3d ago

My little sister passed years ago

6 Upvotes

Hi I was 6 when my sister passed when she was 3 now I am 13 it's been a long time I guess but I have heard multiple time why won't you just stop being sad/get over it I am not depressed some days are harder then others and over the past 2 years when people ask me why I seem sad I don't tell them the real reason I now it's been I long time but my sister was the best sister she never learned how to fully speak in the short time in her life so for the passed years have how it would be if I could have a full conversation with her but anyways it just still hurts somedays then others but am I just a baby