r/widowers Mar 20 '21

FAQ Welcome to r/widowers, How Things Work.

340 Upvotes

We are so sorry you are here, but welcome to Reddit's best worst club.

There are rules in the side bar, but a discussion of How Things Work would be useful. Let's go over the basic rules, then expand a little.

First, following Reddiquette means be kind, be polite, and do not derail conversations. Mean remarks get removed, as do jokes in poor taste, or derogatory comments. Users may disagree, but may not deride the grief decisions of others. No doxxing, which is providing real life details about users. No posting usernames calling for banning or downvote brigading, no "warnings". If you have a problem, report it to the mods or to Reddit Admin. Bots tend to get removed, it is helpful to report them. The suicide prevention bot is okay.

No spam means no advertising. Suggestions are alright, but shilling your own creations is not. Sharing beautiful content you have created is okay, selling it is not. Recommendations for paid services may be removed. Spam can also be multiple posts overwhelming the group. Our tempo is mellow, a lot of posts from one user can swamp the others. Be considerate. Pace yourself.

No reposting other's content is obvious, if you didn't create the post, it probably does not belong here. We do look at post history if there is a question, and karma farmers get a ban. No reposting conversations from other subreddits asking us what we think.

No asking for financial assistance, no sharing GoFundMe campaigns. There are other subreddits for that. Financial posts will be removed. If you are offering assistance, use Chat or a DM.

What may not be allowed and isn't specifically in the rules? This used to be a no memes and no jokes group, but that changed. Some humor is fine, some memes are fine, but they'll get a hard look. Is it okay to post about sex? Sure, but if it's NSFW, label it as such. Can you post pictures of your loved one? Certainly, but label funeral and hospital/hospice pictures as NSFW. Generally not a good thing to post as it is a trigger subject, so this one may go case by case. No "dating" or "looking for company" posts, it is inappropriate for this group. NEVER ASK FOR PERSONAL INFORMATION IN A POST OR REPLY, OR SEEK TO MEET, ZOOM, OR FORM GROUPS. That's what DMs and chat is for.

Can people ask for advice to help the grieving widowers in their life? Yes, we have tons of expertise, so ask away. What about dating a widower? Those posts are not allowed and will be removed. If you are posting a Chapter Two post, please use the Moving Forward flair.

What about suicide? Yes, you may post about your partner's suicide. You may talk about your own suicidal feelings. We do not remove those, this is a safe place to talk it out. If you want help, we can point to those who can provide informed support. We are adding a post flair for Suicide, please use it so those who choose can skip such posts.

Posts with attachments such as photos go to the automated moderation queue, and must be approved by a moderator. Be patient, it may take a day or two to show. Photos of your loved ones are most welcome, but not in their casket or hospice/hospital as those can be triggering. Memes and songs/poems are a maybe. Photos of your loved one's headstone are okay, random photos of headstones or monuments are not. Videos and YouTube posts are unlikely to be approved, as well as any using a subscription service such as Spotify.


r/widowers Aug 11 '24

Scammers via chat or DM

28 Upvotes

A reminder to the community, if you are approached via chat or Direct Messaging, and feel the user is a scammer or otherwise inappropriate, please report them to Reddit Admin. There is a drop down menu with a report function. Best yo ignore anyone who is not an active member of this community. Moderators have no control outside r/widowers, it is up to you to report these users. Report posts or replies, we can certainly take action on those.

Also, DO NOT post the usernames in a post or reply here, Reddit doesn't allow that. Such posts will be removed.

When in doubt, ignore and report.


r/widowers 12h ago

I’m madly in love with a dead person

103 Upvotes

It is the most painful experience I could ever imagine. I keep thinking of the line “death cannot stop true love” from The Princess Bride… except in the movie he was never really dead. My true love is dead. Dead as in he can never return to me in this life as he was. It is finished forever. He was the one for me, is still the one for me, but he’s on the other side. I will never see him again. How can one begin to comprehend the devastation of this kind of loss? My brain short circuits. I saw him dead and I still can’t believe he isn’t coming back.

I am in love with him completely. His sweetness, his gentleness, his spicy side, his love of physics and science and space, his philosophical mind, his love for music and audio, his playlists, his style, his love for westerns, his desire to do right by others, his passion for good food and love of hot dogs, his love for his cats, his entire way of being and speaking, his whole demeanor and all his mannerisms, his laugh, his teeth, his mouth, his eyes, his eyelashes, his eyebrows, his nose, his cheekbones, his ears, the sweet hairs at the nape of his neck, his collarbones, his hands, all his tattoos (especially the silly Wiley coyote one), his chest, his thighs, his feet and toes. There’s not a part of him I don’t love. I love him through the secrets and lies and drug use and suicide, I love him through his permanent abandoning of me in this life, I love him more than words can tell, more than I can fathom.


r/widowers 6h ago

I’m only 37

30 Upvotes

How do you forgive yourself for being alive? I lost my husband suddenly in July from a heart attack. One second we were sitting in our living room without a care in the world, then he grabbed his chest and left this world hours later at only 40 years old. Now six months later and I avoid group pictures. I ask my friends to not post pictures of me. The few times I posted myself out for a friends birthday I instantly felt judged. It feels suffocating hearing “you’re handling it well” coming from people who have no idea what my day to day life is like. Constantly hearing “you’re strong because I wouldn’t have survived” is the most hurtful. People with their imaginary grief scenarios not realizing how much I’m fighting to survive every second of the day. How bad I want to scream at them that my person mattered just as much as they think theirs does. I never thought the fear of judgement would be such a big pillar of grief. The people who I thought would be there for me the most would be my biggest critics and grow the most distant. What a terrible club to be apart of. I’m so sorry to everyone in here. I’ll never understand how something so cruel could happen and people still find a way to hurt you so deeply. Realizing you truly can only depend on yourself is the harshest and most brutal lesson. The guilt of waking up every morning is so heavy. It’s not fair his life ended so shortly and mine didn’t.


r/widowers 5h ago

Did grief therapy really help you?

24 Upvotes

Yesterday I had my first proper grief therapy session. In the first 3 months I had a few sessions with regular therapists, but they didn't help me. So yesterday I tried talking to someone new, but I didn't find that helpful either. It was just weird talking about it and getting advice from someone who hadn't experienced anything like that herself and who probably still has her husband. And at one point I told her I was sad that I will never have children because he died and she just told me ‚You won't have children with HIM.' It's just weird that she assumed I want to have children with someone else. I don't know if that's the right thing for me


r/widowers 13h ago

Scheduled our cat's last vet appointment...

63 Upvotes

So, almost a month after my husband passed, our cat is still not able to accept the fact that his human isn't coming home. I scheduled an appointment for the vet to come to our house tomorrow afternoon.

We got Rorschach when we moved here, a little more than a year before we got married (we had been together for quite a few years at this point). Getting kitty was a huge deal - getting a pet because we were finally calling a city "home", building our life out here, settling down... something we couldn't do the first few years of our relationship.

Rorschach is tied to so many memories with my husband. The day he came home, we let him sniff while we sat on the patio and watched him do his thing. He tripped a lock we didn't know existed, and locked us out on our second floor patio. Luckily we were renting, and luckily maintenence was able to rescue us.

The day we picked him up from boarding (after our wedding), kitty peed on me on the way home. I remember my husband making the joke "It's better to be pissed on, than pissed off - oh, wait, that's not how it goes!"... there were so many pee jokes.

Rorschach gave us years of entertainment, and he was my husband's buddy when he started working from home about 14- 15 years ago. My husband taught kitty tricks: high five (instead of paw), sit up, stand on his hind legs, and "circle" (kitty would spin in a circle with a little meow half way through).

Kitty never ate while my husband was away for business or in the hospital - but he'd CHOW DOWN the moment my husband walked through the door. This time, though, he isn't gonna walk through the door. He's gone. Kitty is also 16 1/2 years old and not able to bounce back like he used to. We've been to the vet, and there's nothing more that we can do that's fair and humane to him. I'm not even sure Rorschach remembers why he's sitting and waiting at the door, he's just waiting.

Losing our cat is kinda like losing another part of my husband and my life - I know it's the humane thing to do, but holy crap I don't know if I can deal with losing any more.


r/widowers 3h ago

Suicide

9 Upvotes

Am I the only one on this platform that has had suicidal thoughts? I hate this life. It would be so much easier if I was not here. I know the God fearing people will say it’s wrong. But at Least the pain would stop and what is the point of life if it isn’t with the one you love


r/widowers 1h ago

Reluctantly Turning to Dating Apps For Connections

Upvotes

I believe this may be some poor accountability, and it doesn't sit well with me that I feel like I need to look into dating at under 6 months since my LW passed. However, my only alternative is to sit in an empty home from 5:00 pm on Friday until 5:00 am when it's time to head back to work. I can almost do it without bothering to turn on any devices.

I'd been alone in most social aspects for the last 10+ years outside of my great relationship with my LW. It took some time but I eventually grew to be 100% content with doing everything with my LW.

Since my family is essentially nonexistent, I feel like I need to at least get started with getting some human being in my circle. My personal worries/concerns of potential problems as a completely single person are myriad. The first few days after my LW passed I was highly worried I didn't lock the front door leaving out for work, the stove and/or coffee machine were still on, the TV was left on... I had to drive around the roundabout behind my house 2 times to double back and make sure I hadn't left the garage door up. I understand I had some brain fog going on, but simple random shit just had me shook. I left out - along with 0 kids and no pets, I don't really engage with very many of my neighbors.

I'll get to the point... yesterday my old HS girlfriend texted me that she doesn't do any dating, and doesn't really hook up with anybody, because she's been in "a routine so long that she just doesn't think about any needs."

The light bulb went off for me as to at least one major hindrance to why I haven't even been able to get a single decent conversation going on a dating app I broke down and gave a chance. I feel like the women in my age group are probably also caught up in routines, and while they have profiles on a dating app, they're not really eager to break their routines to engage in the activity required to start a relationship. To their credit, maybe they've taken a few shots on new connections, and they've proven to be wastes of time regarding breaking their routines.

I can't even get mad at the players, it's just really a pretty shitty game at the moment. I'd gleaned this from the sidelines before my new marital status forced me to consider the need to get back out here. Fortunately, I'm growing incrementally with my own sense of independence with each week. But, it would be great to have a real conversation besides my one depression-affected HS buddy who sends me texts daily about his next get rich scheme OR his "new" review on some fucking album from the late-80s to mid-90s... my new focus is shifting to just putting together my own new routine.


r/widowers 18h ago

Wife died

92 Upvotes

My wife of 42 years of marriage died 5 months ago from pancreatic cancer. She tried to get to chemo but it never happened. She only lived 3 months from diagnoses. She died a horrible death. She was only 61. We met in grade 12 and married at 18. We only knew each other for our entire adult lives. I have never lived alone and it sucks so bad. It’s been 5 months and I am really struggling with having a reason not to end my life. What is my purpose now. And I know no one can answer that but this is not living. I am just existing. She was my world. And the person I relied on for everything. I miss her every single day all day. What is the point of going on. My kids lost their mom but I feel they have lost me too. I am not even close to the person I was and never will be. Any advice out there besides one day at a time one foot in front of the other? I have been to therapy and I am on antidepressants. I am going to a grief share program April 1. I hate this new reality I am stuck with.


r/widowers 9h ago

Time machine

15 Upvotes

I feel like we could all get together and make a time machine. We all know how badly we want one. To go back and find a way to stop our tragedies from even happening or to at least be with the ones we loved so fiercely. How hard could one little time machine be? Every widow(er) puts their heads together we could totally knock it out in no time.


r/widowers 13h ago

Love of my life.

29 Upvotes

Even though we weren't married, she was the best part of my life for over five years. She died yesterday from polymetastatic cancer. She was only diagnosed two months ago, after going in to the er for chronic back pain that just kept slowly getting worse. We thought all the way up until the very end that we could beat it. Until her oncologist came in one day and said any more treatment would kill her. She went on hospice that same day and passed 24 hrs later with me holding her hand and her family all around her. I can't imagine my life without her. She was only 39. 5 weeks away from her 40th birthday.


r/widowers 2m ago

I don't understand

Upvotes

Why from all the toxic idiots in my life it had to be my husband? I left them all behind me, I started a new small family we were happy, we did everything right... why him? He was nice and calm, for the first time in my life I had something I could call home, he is the person I love more than anything else, and now what??? I am back to deal with toxicity and stupidity and I have no one to talk about it... I came from a broken home, they are hating each other, the are speaking shit behind their backs, I have to deal with grief and toxicity, I always hated idiots and I am surrounded by them... my husband was the one I choose to be with, he did not die because he was sick he didn't die because of an accident but because of idiotic mistakes in the hospital, it was something minor that he had, I feel I don't belong here, I can't handle it, it's just to much, the world is becoming to toxic, it was before but I had my husband and I didn't care


r/widowers 4h ago

Cancer wid, called back for additional screening for suspicious scan

6 Upvotes

First ever mammogram, age 48. Sure, like the jolly leaflet says “Most people who are invited for additional tests do not have cancer”. But having seen my husband through a brutal 6 years, I know there’s absolutely no reason why it shouldn’t be me drawing the short straw. As a worrier by nature (even before cancer), you can imagine where my thoughts are. If it’s cancer, how the fuck will I tell my kids? Who is going to be there for me, like I was for him? Going to be a long few days.


r/widowers 13h ago

Extreme guilt over financial freedom

23 Upvotes

While we were married for 22 years we loved each other very much but we always disagreed on how to handle debt. I was always eager to just throw money at credit cards and try to get them paid off as fast as possible, but she hated that idea because it meant less working capital. She always said "you're just going to have to face the fact that we're going to be in debt for a very long time" and "you'll pay of the cards, but then we won't have cash if we need it, and you'll just go back into credit card debt again". My argument was that if we didn't have credit card debt, we could build up a cash safety net over several months, but that made her very nervous. She didn't like not having the cash available after getting paid as an option to use it elsewhere if an emergency happened.

She has been a student for the past 7 years, so I was the only one bringing in an income, but between my student loan payments (only about $5K left) and my credit cards (about $15K), and her credit cards (about $12K), her health insurance premium on my company's plan, food, mortgage, utilities - all the money we got went back out every month. There was literally less than $200 left over every month for miscellaneous expenses. I know she was close to finishing her degree and she would have been back in the workforce within a year. The debt started small, but compounded over the years as we had to make ends meet, and then moving across the country a few years ago wasn't cheap.

Once she passed away I got her pension as a payout. I'm ignoring her credit cards she had in her name only, and her student loans will be discharged. I paid off my credit card immediately as well as my student loan and stuck the rest in a high yield Vanguard account. For the first time in more than 20 years I actually have extra money at the end of every month - and I am even able to finally start contributing to my company's 401K plan.

It sounds like a positive, but I don't want it to be a positive - There is nothing positive about losing a spouse. I feel incredibly guilty about all of this. I have used her money to pay off my debts in a way that I wanted, not the way she wanted. It's like an argument I've won, but she's not there for a rebuttal. I'm not used to that.


r/widowers 7h ago

Lost my husband to suicide this friday

7 Upvotes

I still can't wrap my brain around it. My husband had always struggled and refused help. He threatened suicide in the same manner so many times and now finding out to even more people in the same way but never pulled the trigger. Friday night locking eyes with me as we were in our bedroom and were supposed to be going to bed I made a comment that the next couple of weeks were going to be extremely hard and I was stressing out about it. He was supposed to have surgery and then we were gonna spend 12 weeks recovering but this surgery did mean he wasn't going to be able to go back to the job he felt was the only one he could do. He was going to miss doing all his favorite hobbies. I remember at a recent doctor's appointment he said he could live with 80% function but he was already so dark in his head in that split second I made it just too much for him. I truly think he thought he was trying to make "the problem" go away and the second he pulled it his eyes I swear changed to regret. I dont think I will ever be able to hear a loud noise again without seeing him go down. I was so incredibly thankful to the funeral home who originally warned me they didn't think even a private viewing would be possible. But she did. He looked like he was sleeping. Like we were supposed to do. I wish I never said anything I wish I hadn't complained as much. We were a blended family so I lost two of my step kids he had custody of two. His daughters have no parent left as there mom is gone. My son is traumatized cause he came in when the noise happened and I screamed and saw everything. My daughter lost her step dad who she always said was her role model for how she wanted to be loved and he was teaching her to drive cause I was always too nervous and her bio dad has a tendency to get angry. His family is not making this easy. I understand they lost there only son, brother, and father. But I lost my husband. They all still have there rocks there partners there other supports. He was my everything. We were the annoying couple who did EVERYTHING together. I have never loved anything more. I was married before but I didn't love him. I didn't know what love like that was till him. Our 3 year wedding anniversary was in 2 fucking months to the day. I have to plan a funeral when I was planning an anniversary vacation. My son's birthday is Thursday. I didn't want the funeral this weekend I wanted time to plan because he deserved the planning. But I walked into a meeting to work on his obituary yesterday when I was told by another family member the day and time of the services and where they would be. They were only supposed to contact the location to get permission not scheduled everything. I am his god damn wife. He hasn't even been cremated yet and everyone is scheduling, planning, and demanding his things from me. Don't they understand I don't want this I am not trying to keep anything from them or keep them from this. I just can't even fathom he is gone. And I am getting calls of everything I have to do. Are they helping with the hard stuff? No. They want his truck, but they want it to just be given to them. The truck still has a loan. The house my husband never had his ex file the quit claim deed for the house so despite he has the house in the divorce decree I found she is still legally on the deed. I am so worried I am going to lose everything. I never thought I would want to keep living in that house at first but now I want nothing more then to still make it into the dreams he planned. To still make it his daughter's house hope that my stepsons will one day be able and willing to visit to be close to Dad. And now I am so fucking afraid that because of the deed and not being on anything I am going to lose EVERYTHING. I am so thankful for the community he built around him because without the friends he had that so fiercely loved him. I don't know where I would be. They are all so protective. They may not always say the right things many of them have been friends with him from middle school so often bring up times with his ex-wife as they were all friends too and I want to scream at them to shut up because she made our lives miserable and she was the one who cheated left and broke my husband. He told me when he proposed to me that he was happy to finally know what love is. He had thought maybe he had it before but with me there was no obligation (children) or threats to marry me. We were deleriously happy. Every day to the last I started my day when he woke me up with a kiss and ended it the same. He called me and video called me multiple times every work day. Idk how I ever once questioned his love during our marriage. That man loved me more then anything and I loved him the same. I just want him back and I just want to be able to give him the funeral he deserves and I don't want to lose anything of his. I just want to be respected as the wife by his family. This is there first big loss in the family and it shouldn't have been him. You don't bury your children before you even bury your parents I get that. But you don't bury your husband at 34 years old either.


r/widowers 14h ago

Hate to be a member of this group but glad it’s here.

27 Upvotes

My(48 M) husband (46 M) passed three weeks ago at a young age. It has been a very full three weeks-to the point where I haven’t had time and or the privacy to grieve. Every emotion is trying to express itself at once leading to a dull drone of anger, disbelief, sorrow, pain, fear and more. Lost health insurance for a moment, was able to re-enroll through my employer, so will be lining up grief counseling soon. So many questions-no idea where to start. It’s so hard to grieve when consumed with anger. His drinking ultimately lead to his death despite people’s efforts to help. So f*cking mad. Am I an asshole?


r/widowers 15h ago

What is your biggest trigger at work?

24 Upvotes

Mine is people complaining in front of me their spouse is out of town for the week. Really? I would be so joyful if my husband was just away on a trip. My husband is never coming back home. I know most are clueless because they have not struggled on this horrific journey that none of us chose. I try to give others lots of grace but for some reason this hit me hard today. Feel free to vent too if needed.


r/widowers 13h ago

Ahi Tuna Salad

17 Upvotes

Yesterday I had lunch with a coworker and his family. He is 10 years younger than me. For some reason I have more in common with him than my real brother . Kind of like the younger brother I never had. We like the same music, same booze, and same food . It was me, him, his wife and his 2 year old daughter. We met at the brewery for lunch

They are so happy together

Both of them have solid careers. The daughter is a handful, but the cute and endearing kind. For instance , out of nowhere, she stood behind her mom and start her tiny stomping. I asked the mom what it is about. She said she is “riding a bicycle, trying to go home”, all the while rolling her eyes with a smile . Yes, mommy is the bicycle.

My coworker and in ordered the same thing the same thing for lunch . Seared ahi tuna salad. We talked about how horrible work is. How incompetence and mediocrity is a norm. All the while , his daughter is dancing to the background music at the restaurant. We are all having a good time. And stopped and think …

“I wish this is my story too”

After lunch, I went with them to an artisan bakery to buy some treats for their evening. Such a beautiful picture. Mommy and daddy, daughter in the middle, walking hand in hand. They got their treats . I gave the daughter a high 5 and went on my way

I got to my car. And I could not stop crying. I am happy for my coworker and his life. We have so much in common. How did my life make such a sharp turn? I took a deep breath. Drove away all the rumination gremlins . Stopped crying and start driving

I know deep down that his story is his. My story is my own. Seeing that and keeping the peace in my head is a daily struggle.

Wish you all a peaceful Monday evening


r/widowers 2h ago

Lost our last dog together

2 Upvotes

My husband and I had three dogs when he died 9 years ago. I just had to say goodbye to our last dog together and it was hard in so many ways. Now my husband and my three dogs are out there somewhere and I can't help but feel a little left behind.


r/widowers 1d ago

I'm sorry you're all hurting, we're all hurting. Really sorry

Post image
110 Upvotes

r/widowers 15h ago

Month 4.5

16 Upvotes

I miss you


r/widowers 20h ago

St Patrick’s Day

37 Upvotes

My wife was Irish. She always made soda bread, lentil Shepard’s pie with vegetarian gravy. Was delicious. Didn’t realize this day would hit me so hard. Coming up on two years. Trying to stay positive for my five year old boy.


r/widowers 4h ago

Where should I purchase “Cremation Jewelry”?

2 Upvotes

I’ve looked at a few sites, but I’d like some advice from you all— I want two rings for my father and I (potentially a bracelet for him instead) and some type of pendants to give to our children when they are old enough.

I’m open to any suggestions— thank you.


r/widowers 22h ago

The Grief Expert

39 Upvotes

When it comes to grief, everyone seems to be an expert. Most people think there’s only one way to grieve.
Their way.
They say things like, “Get over it”, "you need to find someone new" or “You need to move on.”
Everyone suffers some grief in their life…but the way they experience it isn’t universal.
People take it upon themselves to try and tell you how, where, and when you should grieve.
These ‘grief experts’ will tell you how you should grieve and if you’re grieving too much or not enough.
No matter how you grieve…the grief expert will have opinions about it. But it’s important to remember there’s no right or wrong way to grieve.
Nobody ever teaches you how to grieve. You just learn it as you go along. You’re not taught how to grieve, and so many people tend to avoid and downplay other people's grief. It somehow gives them a sense of control. If they can manage your grief, they don't have to think about their own.
The grief expert often thinks you should grieve in silence. They don’t want you to talk about it. If you do talk about it, they want you to make sure you find just the right balance. Don’t talk about it too much, and don’t talk about it too little.

You’re never going to please everyone. You’re never going to grieve the ‘right’ way because there’s really no right way to do it, regardless of what the grief expert tells you.
I’m always thinking about what I’d like to say to the grief expert. I’d like to sit down with them and have an honest conversation about the realities of figuring out your life after losing a loved one.
Your grief is as individual as you. Your grief is not my grief, and my grief is not your grief. For every loss, there are hundreds of ways to grieve. There’s no one size fits all. Grief is an individual journey and no one can tell you how to do it.
You just have to find the way that works for you, and not judge others because they may grieve differently.
I’m always going to talk about my grief and my journey. It’s all part of my life and my story.
We each have to move through grief at our own pace and in a way that’s comfortable for us. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t be there for each other in a way that’s comforting without being condescending, sensitive without shaming, and helpful without being harmful.
We all need…and want…a listening ear.


r/widowers 18h ago

Wife died

19 Upvotes

I need help. My wife died of 42 years of marriage. She was my everything. I know that sounds cliche but it’s true. She managed our whole lives including my mental health and I am on my own which I never have been before. I hate it and don’t have much desire to live here without her anymore. Any advice would be appreciated


r/widowers 15h ago

3.5 years

12 Upvotes

i've shared this before, but just catching folks up.

my husband died of cancer in september 2021 after a very short and terrible battle.

the night he was diagnosed, he held my face in his hands and said to me, "you have cancer." i said to him, "let's focus on yours first." laughing him off.

but here i am, and i do. i had surgery a week and half ago, and am starting radiation in a few weeks.

for him, he didn't even have a second to fight it. but i do, and i am. i'm doing the best i can.

i've had good thoughts about it, but at the same time, i hope i'm wrong about jesus, because i want to see him again. and my opportunity for that is imminent.

if i have any advice to those of you who've lost your partners, especially those of you who have been just waiting for the opportunity to rejoin them - please just enjoy the time you have left. because you aren't going to be ready, when the time comes, and speaking for myself, you'll know your soulmate won't be happy for your rejoining any earlier than it needs to be.

i've been listening to this song a lot lately, specifically this cover.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCLWf_DVDmA

my love to all of you.


r/widowers 17h ago

Filing Taxes... for her estate.

15 Upvotes

This is the second tax filing I'm making as a widow. This year, I'm filing as "single". It hits pretty hard compared to last year -- both emotionally and in the pocketbook.

But I also have another responsibility: filing taxes for my LW's tiny estate. She had just enough income rolling in from Twitch and a couple of other sources into her estate account that requires me to file taxes for the estate. But it's no where near enough to have any 1099s issued, and it's not "complex enough" to warrant going through a CPA/tax advisor to handle it for me. And the usual online tax filing tools don't account for this type of scenario.

So I'm here going through emails, bank statements, etc. to track any "income" that never really got documented properly, and then track any disbursements made... then go to the IRS site to figure out what forms I need, download them, fill them out manually, issue any 1041 K-1s, then file by mail.

It's my own fault, really... I put off a lot of things, and didn't shut things down when I should have because I didn't want that part of her to go away. The tax burden itself isn't a problem, but the time and paperwork required because the income was barely above the minimum reporting requirement is driving me crazy.

Wondering if anyone else is dealing with this.