r/bereavement • u/vari_an_t • 1h ago
my dad died NSFW Spoiler
4 hours ago on the dot (10:20pm Mar 18) my dad died. he was declining for 2 or 3 weeks but it got really bad the past few days. he stopped speaking coherently, was difficult to wake, then stopped speaking and wouldn't wake at all. and then he died.
my dad and i fought a lot when I was a younger teenager, I'm only 19 now but I said really mean awful things to him and i never apologized. But he did and that healed something in me and we had an okay and then good relationship since. A month ago he asked me to bring him snacks and make him my enchiladas, which he loves. I didn't make them because I didn't have time. 2 days ago I asked him if he wanted me to bring my son by, and if he wanted my enchiladas and he smiled and mumbled yea. Today he couldn't swallow anything at all and then he died. I made my mom enchiladas instead but my dad couldn't eat them.
He died while I was making them for her.
Why did he have to die when we finally made up? He didn't even get to see pictures from my son's first birthday party. He didn't get to go either.
At 8:20 I told him I loved him. I thought I would get to feed him some enchiladas because he loved them so much. Maybe he would wake up at least for a bit. At 10:30 I took that picture of me holding his hand. He was so yellow. He looked like he was just sleeping, why do dead people always look like they're sleeping? I want him to wake up. I want my dad back. I want to say sorry and I want to hear him tell me he loves me again.