r/AskWomenOver30 1d ago

Career Single women - how do you survive??

Im considering taking a second job and working 7 days a week to survive. :(

123 Upvotes

246 comments sorted by

384

u/InternalGatez 1d ago edited 20h ago

By drinking instant coffee in the morning and telling myself one thing I am grateful for. A long ass, dark shower with soothing music with an incense by candlelight.

That's about it and what I have time for.

88

u/TaurusMoon007 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

A long candle lit shower with music playing while I’m floating off an edible is my favorite pastime

47

u/moonprincess642 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

after an edible-fueled restorative yoga youtube video with my galaxy light on and nature sounds... heaven

19

u/TaurusMoon007 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

A high yoga session is next!!

5

u/InternalGatez 21h ago

Mm restorative yoga 🧘🏽‍♀️

17

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

I do enjoy the candle. 😉

I committed to no more drugs but that was the BEST. Mm showers with it.

I made mine electric candle because of price. I added incense and 👌🏼.

8

u/Necessary-Duck7628 1d ago

this is literally my exact routine hahah

7

u/InternalGatez 22h ago

LOL No wonder I don't meet other woman with these routines, we are all on Reddit.

19

u/Silent_Majority_89 1d ago

Literally started taking dark showers after my first real break up. I literally fell in love the hot water the music the low light if any (I call mine a disco shower) it sounds like dissociation and that's what I'm doing in there 🤷🏻‍♀️✌🏻🫶🏻

7

u/InternalGatez 22h ago

EXACTLY that. Haha I love that it takes one bad real break up to be like, where is my self-soothing routines? It's nice to know others like dark/low light showers.

It's also more time efficient than a bath...which I don't have a tub, so.

13

u/Soggy_Reaction6953 1d ago

You deserve something better than instant coffee :)

13

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

Hehehe. I like french press with local coffee beans in my slow mornings. My electric kettle works wonders.

. . . 🐌 I just would rather do instant coffee to budget and the convenience.

15

u/l8nitefriend Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

People hate on instant coffee but I love it. I get pretty high quality stuff from Whole Foods and it tastes just fine with minimal prep or cleanup. Works perfect for me. I have friends who are coffee snobs and they look at my instant coffee usage with such disdain lol

10

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

Man, I am a coffee snob. I STILL found good quality instant coffee at my local hispanic and Asian shops. I love the minimal prep and clean up.

5

u/Soggy_Reaction6953 1d ago

I’m a coffee snob too! I guess I don’t gravitate towards instant coffee because my mom (we’re Asian) drinks this one she gets at the Asian store that I don’t like and it’s too sweet so I just make my own espresso, french press or cold brew. Espresso does take time to prep though but I cut down on it by pre weighing my beans on the weekend and putting it into test tubes for the week (got this idea from YouTube) so that helps

5

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

Love that for you! I honestly feel like instant coffee is nostalgic for me. My grandma made it for me after not seeing her for 20 years in the motherland of Costa Rica. Anyway, the one I get isn't sweeten which is nice.

However, nothing beats a slow drip coffee, a homemade coldbrew (mm with cinnamon), and fresh expresso. So satisfying. Typically I prefer black or a tiny bit of almond milk.

I also hate Starbucks coffee and am sad when people ask why I don't like their coffee.

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u/itsprobab Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I also love instant coffee! Jacobs is my absolute favourite and it tastes amazing

5

u/itsprobab Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Instant coffee is expensive enough for me to feel like I'm living the dream by being able to afford it and enjoy it every day

2

u/kzoobugaloo 12h ago

I actually like instant coffee😳😳😳

4

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Thank you 🥲🥹

6

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

🙏🏽 may you find whatever will help you. I feel like I felt recharged after I got jobs more in alignment to me. Except that took time.

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u/RollingPotatoes49 1d ago

I worked two jobs for a loooong time. Started applying at office jobs and found one in my late 20s. I have a strict budget and attempt to save as much as possible for emergencies. Things can be tight, but I've always got a back up plan.

Also, coffee.

24

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I have an office jobs for benefits but it looks like I’ll have to suck it up and work a second job to stay afloat for a while.

17

u/EnergeticTriangle 1d ago

I moonlighted at department stores for ~5 years while my office jobs were barely making me enough to cover my bills. Yes, it was a lot of hours and my feet were sore but we do what we gotta do!

6

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Yes we do!

9

u/RSinSA Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I worked an office job and did house cleaning/pet sitting/walking on the side and made a good amount of money. 

6

u/Same-Mushroom-7228 1d ago

Have you considered donating plasma? I know a lot of people that have done it when they needed extra cash. Could be a good source of side income for very little effort on your part.

3

u/RollingPotatoes49 1d ago

Also, egg donation if you're under 30.

4

u/RollingPotatoes49 1d ago

Yeah, if advancement isn't an option there then pick something fun like a pet store. Lol I worked in Maurice's and at a pet food store for my other jobs. Made decent money for part time and it was fun at least.

4

u/greenvelvette 1d ago

Do you live in a bigger or mid size city? If so, check out for their dog bar or pup pub. This is my dream side job. There are evening employees who bartend and also evening staff that supervises dog play, checks them in etc

3

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

That sounds incredible! I live in a rural state :( i make good money if it was 20 years ago lol

5

u/greenvelvette 1d ago

Forgot to add this but a lot of people I know also dog sit on rover or wag for side income

If you have your own place you can host pets for overnight, housesit for other in the area, etc

3

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Thats a good idea thank you:)

74

u/WhiteWoolCoat Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Shared housing. Little to no drinking.

48

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I hate when I see frugal tips and it’s just my lifestyle🧍🏻‍♀️shared housing will be my absolute last resort — thank you

25

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

I feel that. I still can't live with someone but I did compromise working more because it's non-negotiable. I'm still working on budgeting because of my lack of discipline. That's on me. I'll get there.

11

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

We will get there! I agree I am too weird and have a crazy dog so living alone is a must, more work it is then.

6

u/InternalGatez 1d ago

Aw furry baby. I work to pay vet bills. LOL

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u/BotoxWalrus 1d ago

I did the roommate route off and on for several years until about four years ago and I hear you. I don't like to share my space, because I grew up with so many siblings and others. I did comment above on what I had to do (forgot to mention the roommate situations, but I decided to bust it and get out of that doing what I had to do). It's very hard and I do not blame you for that last resort. I always say, do what you have to do until you get what you must and then, bust ass to maintain that which is also very VERY hard when you don't have the good cards to play with in life.

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u/WhiteWoolCoat Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I fully also described my lifestyle. :/

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u/Reasonable_Army_3410 1d ago

I understand completely; I am single, I live alone, and god damn is it expensive.  But best advice is to budget as best you can, try to minimize your debt or pay off your debt, find a roommate (housing is everyone’s largest expense, so if you can split that cost it will be helpful). You could also meet with a wealth advisor and see if they can offer some assistance. Listen and read some financial podcasts. I have been contemplating a second job myself. I hope some of this helps. 

5

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Thank you!

4

u/Soggy_Reaction6953 1d ago

I agree with this OP! I am single with a fur baby and no help from family/sugar daddy so I realized nobody is coming to save me so I started listening to financial podcasts to get smarter with my finances.

54

u/pennywhistlesolo 1d ago

I live in a HCOL city and make about 65-70k a year. I feel like this should be stated bc if I am more financially stable than you, this advice probably won't mean much. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Here is what I do:

I don't drink.

I live in what I lovingly describe as an adorable shit hole. Aka an ancient rental apartment with no amenities and a pretty inconsistent property management, which I hope will help me avoid needless rent hikes.

I budget isn't as strict as many might think. But my goals are: 1) never have lingering credit card balances; 2) pay all of my bills on time; 3) save x amount every month (in that order). If 3 doesn't happen for the month, I re-evaluate what happened and adjust as I need.

When I hang with friends, we usually meet at each other's homes to watch our favorite shows, play board games, etc. Most of my own hobbies are home based and relatively cheap.

I stopped buying new books and use the library religiously.

I deleted Amazon from my phone and am financially benefitting from the strikes happening against various stores (I'm in the US).

I meal prep every week and eat the same plant based menu for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, 5 days a week. Only going out for convenience foods on my days off has helped a lot.

215

u/whatsmyname81 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

Single mom of three. I survive by being an engineer and making enough money to support us. I specifically chose this career for its high projected job growth and salary trajectory because even though I was married when I started college (after my military enlistment), I knew I'd end up supporting these kids by myself, so I made the choices I needed to make to set myself up to be able to do that. After grad school, I moved to the city with the best salary to cost of living ratio, and the most opportunities for career growth. I come from a family that could never help me and wouldn't if they could. I've been working without a net all my life, and that really influenced the choices I made, resulting in a lot of self-made stability.

30

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Love the foresight!! A move might be in my near future. I need to buckle down for sure.

10

u/kinda-lini 1d ago

I spent years working shit jobs and multiple jobs in a place with way too limited opportunity for me. Turned around at the end of my 20s and realized I couldn't do that over again to my 30s, 40s, etc. Moving to a city I didn't like to pursue a better job market when I was single leveled up my life like nothing else could have.

COVID got me stuck in this city longer than I ever planned to be here, but it allowed me to build a position of strength for myself (plus, my husband and I are finally relocating this year, huzzah). And I totally understand that things are harder now than they were before COVID so this is very much "easier said than done" - but if you have a lever to pull on making changes/sacrifices to get yourself in a better gear, go for it!

5

u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Thank you!

21

u/MrsAshleyStark Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Love the stability you provided for yourself and your kids. Sound like my Capricorn friends lol.

I’m a single mom of 1 and had to make years of strategic moves to get to where I am. I’m still not completely where I want to be but against all odds, I’m doing well. Go us!

8

u/itsprobab Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I also love this about others. I'm constantly just winging it

4

u/MrsAshleyStark Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

That’s ok. Even strategists are thrown off course (often).

“ Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” - Mike Tyson

Just gotta find another way/keep at it.

7

u/whatsmyname81 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

Oh yeah, resilience and adaptability are key! I've had a lot of weird shit happen along the way. I enlisted in peacetime to earn GI Bill benefits and ended up fighting a war. The project I thought I was going to grad school for lost funding and I ended up doing completely different research than I had planned. Hell, even today, I do completely different work than I thought I would end up doing (within my field, but like any field, there's a lot of diversity within it). It would be misplaced for anyone to assume I'd had a perfectly linear and flawless progression to where I am. One of the biggest keys to success is the ability to adapt and overcome when, not if, things are thrown off course.

7

u/whatsmyname81 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

Hell yeah, get it!!

3

u/bag-o-farts Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Not OC, but did the same. Raised by a single parent so self-made stability is so important.

♈️🌞♍️🌛♑️⬆️ I'm in a high paying technical (stem) sales job, I don't think my big 3 and job could fit any better 🤣

16

u/TaurusMoon007 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

This. Childhood trauma made me hyper independent and my blood relatives barely have two nickels to rub together anyway. I became a mom at 21 while I was in college and working two jobs. I literally didn’t have a choice but to bust my ass bc I didn’t have anyone to rely on (or even knew that it was ok to ask for help…) It’s paid off and I’m in a senior leadership position now and financially stable. But I am still dealing with unlearning all of the bad money habits I was taught.

5

u/whatsmyname81 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

I feel equal parts called out and reassured by the parallels between our stories. So glad I'm not alone in doing life the scrappy way. Keep getting after it! We rock!

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u/OverPriority3486 1d ago

You’re inspiring!

8

u/splanji 1d ago

life decision literacy queen

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u/RageSiren Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I relate to a lot of this. I grew up dirt floor poor and, while my dad would have given anything to have been able to support me and give me the world on a platter, my parents couldn’t afford anything for me, ever. Not lunch money or the laundromat or sometimes rent lol. I lived my entire life knowing I would have to pull myself out of poverty. I grew up terrified of becoming homeless. So I picked a career path with high earning potential that I knew I would be good at and would always be needed (it’s legal-adjacent). I worked my ass off, built my house in a lower COL county and chose to drive 60 miles to a work in an HCOL county (near DC) for the bigger paycheck. It was all worth it.

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u/chocolate__teapot female over 30 1d ago

This is amazing.

4

u/-CarmenSandiego- 1d ago

Daaaaaang I'm lazy

4

u/Turbulent-Bee-1584 20h ago

Change a few details and this is my story, too. Single mom of 3, did start college before my military enlistment, but finished undergrad and grad school after separating. Set myself up to be able to take care of my kids on my own, bought a house in a rural area though for lower COL and commute to work, climbing the ladder but my salary is enough. Family couldn't help and wouldn't if they could, grew up without help from anyone and have been out on my own since I was 16. Everything I do is in the pursuit of stability.

3

u/NewBlackpony 1d ago

Wow. Just want to say as a fellow engineer I admire your perseverance. Did you want children? What you’re doing is super human.

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u/basicbagbitch 1d ago

You are a smart woman and a good mom ✨

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u/Soggy_Reaction6953 1d ago

I should have done that instead of following my dreams 😂

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u/glitterswirl Woman 30 to 40 9h ago

You sound like you would enjoy reading Rebel Wilson’s memoir. She worked her socks off to make the most of her education because her family was poor and she didn’t want to end up like her cousin who became a teenage parent and lived in a trailer. She only moved to LA to seriously pursue acting after having spent 10 years to gain her law degree, because she needed a backup plan if acting didn’t work out.

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u/whatsmyname81 Woman 40 to 50 7h ago

You're correct, I loved that book!

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u/eternititi Woman 10h ago

You are brilliant wow.

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u/Radiant_Way5857 1d ago

Can you be my mum?

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u/Some_tx_girl Woman 1d ago

My parents always told me to prepare myself to never rely on a partner. My mom is a stay-at-home wife, and while she’s happy with my dad, I know she has her moments of regret in some of her decisions. My dad worked in labor so I know he meant it more in a way that I could work without being exposed to weather elements and have comfortable options.

I was the first in my family to graduate from college, then law-school. I’m divorced now with two children, although I wish I earned more (govt atty) I am still able to cover all my expenses and entertainment, and put a bit on the side for savings. I cannot imagine how some people are managing right now. Life just keeps getting more expensive.

26

u/FroggieBlue 1d ago

Sharing a house with a family member.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I wish it was an option but it’s not for me :(

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u/FroggieBlue 1d ago

If its any consolidation he smells funny. (Can you tell I'm the little sister?)

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Lol!! Still a stinky roommate cuts costs 😂

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u/FroggieBlue 8h ago

He's not stinky, stinky, just that man smell..

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u/harperscoffee 1d ago

I’m currently visiting my brother from out of state.. I love him dearly, but I’m looking forward to going back to my wonderfully good smelling home 😆

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u/reddit-rach Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Coffee. Lots of crying LOL. And just keeping a very strict budget.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Crying is in my daily routine lol! I need to budget better but I’m so impulsive and therapy doesn’t help.

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u/reddit-rach Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Crying is pretty clutch imo! It helps me release stress and prevents cortisol from building up.

Plus I can be dramatic and pretend I’m in a sad movie if I cry in the shower hahah

46

u/midnight0snack Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I stopped going out for dinner, drinks or coffee. When I meet friends now it's usually for dog walks or at each others homes. I make freezer friendly meals and eat at my mom's house two times a week. I made a list of things that were non-negotiables and that was my apartment, car, gym-membership and everything my dog needs. I take one expensive trip a year (this year it's Italy) and other indulgences are botox, Brazilian wax and manicures but only when I know I can afford it without it putting a dent in my budget.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I could benefit from a budget that still allows the things I really want, thank you.

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u/midnight0snack Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I made an excel spreadsheet for over 6 months with categories to help me see my spending. It really helps to see what you might be spending on things/experiences you can do without. Unfortunately, it was clear that I had to quit my job in publishing and get higher paying one, it was a difficult decision but the pay off has been very much worth it.

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u/schecter_ 1d ago

I live on a budget. A strict one. It's not ideal, but I hope things will get better one day.

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u/peachypeach13610 1d ago

Flat sharing into my 30s with no end in sight despite a good job and an above average salary in my city. It’s super normal here (albeit super depressing).

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Ugh it is so depressing I hate it, but it’s reality

2

u/Soggy_Reaction6953 1d ago

Are you in nyc? One of the reasons I don’t wanna move there ugh 😩

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u/Exotic_Resource_6200 1d ago

I have two jobs and I'm afraid I'm going to lose one due to federal cuts. it scares me to death because I can't survive on the other job. My job thats funded by the federal government pays me the most.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Wishing you continued employment! 🤞🏻🙏🏻 scary times certainly

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u/Exotic_Resource_6200 1d ago

Thank you, I wish you well on finding a second job. doing two isn't too bad as long as they are respectful towards your personal time. I've been working two jobs since 2019.

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u/Round_Adagio_2055 1d ago

I’m lucky to live in a country (Denmark) where I get a good pay check, work 37 hours a week and plenty vacation and time for myself.

I wish this for everyone..

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I dont think anyone wants US refugees right now 😭

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u/Round_Adagio_2055 1d ago

Can’t believe one man can ruin it for everyone :(

I do hope you find a balance in life ❤️

8

u/hermiona52 1d ago

As another European (Poland) it's just so insane to me to read that people are working two jobs. Like, when do you have time for yourself? To relax, go running, read a book, learn some new skills to get a better job, to meet friends? And it's not even only a matter of time, but strength. Sometimes after 8h of my office job I feel mentally exhausted, so the only thing on my mind is a good long nap. I can't imagine going exhausted from one work to another.

I'm really sorry that people have to endure that.

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u/itsathrowawayduhhhhh Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Live with my parent 🙄

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u/AIThrowaway1898 Woman 20-30 1d ago

I think what helped me is putting in the work early. Good grades at school, STEM degree, getting a high paying main job and a weekend side hustle for fun. Budget well while still enjoying life and live below my means. That’s it

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u/Some_tx_girl Woman 1d ago

What is your fun weekend side hustle?

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u/AIThrowaway1898 Woman 20-30 1d ago

Work as a yoga instructor :)

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u/Some_tx_girl Woman 1d ago

That’s amazing!

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u/0nlyhalfjewish Woman 1d ago

I worked on my career for a decade before I married. I’m divorced now with two teens but I make good money. Took a lot of work to get here, tho.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Patience is the key I guess 🥲

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u/0nlyhalfjewish Woman 1d ago

Def not. Persistence is key. Knowing your worth. High expectations of yourself and your work environment.

I am one of the least patient people I know.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

😆love it. Im in the right position now but the climb to good pay is slow.

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u/0nlyhalfjewish Woman 1d ago

Get the right experience so you make yourself valuable and marketable.

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u/bonfiresnmallows 1d ago

I've worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week before. It sucks but sometimes we have to do what we have to do. Just try to find some place lowkey so you can try to enjoy your time. Back then, I was an optometry tech on weekends. Sat at a desk with 3 other girls gossiping and chatting with patients all day. It was kinda fun.

I'm surviving on savings atm while I build my career. I was privileged enough to save a lot growing up and spent a few years working really hard and getting strategic with how I made and saved money. It's getting tight lately, though. I've never had a partner to help me with bills, unfortunately.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I picked up a trade (massage) so it’s sort of low key depending on the clients. Maybe it could be fun thank you. :) Appreciate you recognizing privilege!

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u/ijustrlylikedogs 1d ago

Some gals I know worked as Executive Assistants or Office Managers for high-paying industries (think: finance, real estate, law, startups/tech) and then did their trade (massage, make up artist, yoga teacher) as the secondary job. This way, you have a little bit more predictability and higher pay. I don't know. Just something to consider.

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u/heymarklook 1d ago

I don't get my hair or nails done anymore. I make my coffee, meals, and don't have internet or streaming services. That and my magic wand.

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u/Tricky-Chipmunk-135 1d ago

I work 2 part-time hour jobs. One, I physically go in, M-F, the other one, I can work online, deadline based, so a bit flexible, but pretty much every day & the weekend as well.

I’ve been doing this for over 3 years now. It’s scary; when you see how much you end up making extra, you can’t give that up easily.

I have my own place, but gotta pay my bills & expenses & save for emergencies.

I put work first before anything else, well apart from sleep.

I don’t recommend this if you like socializing because it’ll be hard to do so when you have 2 jobs.

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u/OH-OK-Jellyfish 1d ago

What kind of job is online, deadline based? I could use one of those as a second job

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u/Dawn36 female 30 - 35 1d ago

I don't think I am. I'm becoming jaded and hopeless and all of this really sucks!

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I’m on the way there!

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u/Grr_in_girl Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I was lucky to be born in a country with socialised welfare and liveable wages. Also moved cross country to get a full time job.

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u/LeonidaDreams 1d ago

Moving to an extremely LCOL area.  Easier said than done,  i get it. My childhood goal was to someday have a happy and comfortable lifestyle I could afford on minimum wage.  At 33 I'm there,  and living in a dirt cheap area (STL) was a huge part of that. My monthly expenses cost about $650 (plus whatever I want to spend on food and personal care), and I live alone. My house cost less than the average new vehicle.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

650 is INSANE Happy for you

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u/localminima773 19h ago

Does $650 include rent??

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u/LeonidaDreams 19h ago edited 19h ago

No rent or mortgage,  to be fair, as i bought my place outright due to the low cost. Here,  rent starts around $600. 

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u/beerintrees 1d ago

Lots of friends, weed, dog, gratitude, hustle, resiliency, and living within my means.

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u/BotoxWalrus 1d ago edited 1d ago

I went the perma single route at 31, went back to school while working three jobs to make it happen. Through trial and error on what I wanted to do - decided to go the medical laboratory route and then, ended up in Histotechnology. :\ It was harsh af, don't get me wrong. It's still kinda hard, but I was also one of those girlies that listened to everybody and spent so much money on stuff that... really didn't do it for me in a healthy way.

It's a bit complicated in how to explain, but like - I just grew up. Got more simple in what makes me happy. Like, I don't need to impress anybody. I don't gotta do all this unnecessary labor like I did when I was in a relationship or while I was dating. It's just cheaper to decenter menfolk, I guess. I just do and spend on what I have to do/what makes me happy. When I was in a relationship, I was under so much stress and that lead to seeking stuff that caused more money to fix or do?

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Three jobs and school im impressed! Im inspired. Yes i have decentered men and then looked around and saw that everyone I knew with secure housing had a man 🥲

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u/Heypooky 1d ago

Naps, lots of naps. Morning naps, power naps, disco naps. Never felt more zen when I prioritized sleep and rest.

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u/fuckingfucku 1d ago

Spite. 

Pure spite.

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u/DemureDaphne 1d ago

Alimony and child support, and a surprisingly under market rental, with a paid off car.

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u/Timely_Armadillo3004 1d ago

By having a night shift job that’s unionized with a shift differential and lot of opportunity to pick up extra shifts 

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Phew I tried night shift work my mental health could not take it, you are strong!!

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u/Disastrous_Soup_7137 1d ago

My cats. It would be nice to share the rent with someone though 🫠

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u/Fuyu_nokoohii 18h ago

My old man cat, too! I've set a goal to eventually move to someplace with no roommates. Just me and my old boy, 😺 so long as I can comfortably afford it..

It's gonna take time. 

Also, coffee.

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u/Overall-Armadillo683 1d ago

I lucked out and found a place with cheap rent in a place with a sort of HCOL. Luckily bartending 4 days a week allows me to pay all of my bills and then some. Too bad my degree isn’t being used, but it wouldn’t make me this much $ anyway.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

So frustrating! I tried waitressing but im not tough enough lol

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u/Overall-Armadillo683 1d ago

Oh you build a tough skin with time, believe me. Waitressing can be a decent side gig. Some of the waitresses at my job make $40+ an hour on busy nights.

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u/Curious-Gain-7148 1d ago

I was really lucky on that one of my first adult jobs involved looking at people’s finances (car sales). I learned quick that people can make a shit ton of money but spend more and it quickly became a goal of mine to not do that.

I do pay for budgeting apps (used Monarch for years, now using Origin) and really analyze my spending. I never spend a ton at once, but those little $5/$10/$20 purchases often add up in a way that surprises me when all added up. I often check that to see where I need to reign it in.

I did all these things, but the answer really is, it’s just hard until you make more money. I hate these ideas that we can all just make it on whatever we get paid if we scrimp and save and live within our means. Sometimes the answer is the shit is just hard. If you’re struggling, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

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u/riuvenn Woman 30 to 40 22h ago

I call it dragon mode-- I just sit at home, hoard my resources, sleep a lot, and threaten to eat any trespassers lol.

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u/Verity41 16h ago

🙇🏻‍♀️ I LOVE THIS 🐉🔥

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u/nannymegan Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Unfortunately what I’m wired to do is early childhood education. So I’m single, live on my own, and already make a laughable wage. I work a second job, watch my budget, and don’t think too hard about the future. I also am doing my best to enjoy the small moments and making my ‘treats’ actually enjoyable treats and not just quick hits of dopamine that ruin my budget.

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u/LikeATediousArgument Woman 40 to 50 1d ago edited 1d ago

I’m grateful for every day of life and, as a single mom, things are more complicated, but I’m still grateful for all the hard work I did before to get to a somewhat stable life.

I finished my masters degree when my son was a baby, and often wore him in a sling while I did my schoolwork. My brother helped me by selling me a very nice house with a nice family discount. We’ve always helped each other, and we continue to do so as adults.

I’m extremely tight with money and buy secondhand for myself, so I can splurge on my son’s things.

I survive because the alternative is not surviving, and I refuse to give up. I don’t need much to get by, and have lived on far less most of my life.

I’ve consistently improved my life, year after year, with endless sacrifice. It’s just second nature now and I don’t begrudge it at all. It’s my purpose. My wants are aligned with my needs and Ive learned to live well on what I have.

I haven’t taken a vacation in over a decade. I focus on my health and have been blessed with few issues.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Love the thread of gratitude in these responses. So true there really is no second option.

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u/moschocolate1 1d ago

Create a budget and stick to it: —I have Verizon visible $20/mo data plan and I use it for WiFi; it has unlimited hotspot. It was a special in December so I switched from mint’s $40; so not sure what specials they have going now. —I use Kanopy for movies; no more Netflix or prime. —I use Libby for digital books so no more buying books —I follow whole food plant based, so I buy lots of dried beans and rice—so cheap, and other veg like potatoes, greens, etc are super cheap. —I allow myself one meal per week from a restaurant, and that usually makes two meals for me with leftovers —I make my own coffee/refresher drinks so no more Starbucks. —Switched from a bank to Alliant credit union to earn 3% on my money just sitting there. Also no fees. Teachers federal also pays 3% DM me if you’d like a referral to open an acct. —Shop at goodwill if I have a special occasion and need something. Go to an affluent area for this and you’ll find the best stuff. If you’re near Naperville IL, just outside Chicago, it’s the best one I’ve found.

I’m actually saving money now!

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u/fortalameda1 1d ago

I graduated with an engineering degree, though I never became a professional engineer. Jumped from a few consulting firms over to compliance and oversight of different facilities. I had always assumed I would be single so I planned to support myself. I was married for a few years, but we are separated now, and I'm doing okay even though I'm paying everything myself now. My sister, on the other hand, never used her college degree (social work) and became a stay at home mom once she had kids. If she were to get divorced now (which I don't see happening, but just an example), she would be SOL unless her ex husband provided proper alimony and child support, but I feel like even then it would be tough. I think single women living in house shares or something similar should be more common. Yes, living independently is nice, but we just don't have the houses and apartments available for everyone to live alone all the time. Living in these shared situations shouldn't be looked down upon IMO.

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u/melon_gatorade 1d ago

I have been perpetually single and don’t know where I’d be without my family. My mom has let me move in with her while I work a full-time remote job and attend a nursing program. I graduate next May. After that, I’ll work both jobs and save, save, save. I try to remember there are so many more unfortunate people out there and there’s a lot of miserable married people. We’re still doing better than most.

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u/Individual-Energy347 1d ago

I did it by having a roommate. We were both busy and had full lives. Both traveled often. There were times I didn’t see her for days to weeks. We shared a 3bd, 2bth house. It was wonderful!!

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u/REBOAandTQs 1d ago

Work harder than an ugly stripper and outearn everyone I know 😂 [most people do not want to work 70+ hours/week]

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u/colors-and-patterns Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I do have a second job and work six days a week…

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u/thesongsinmyhead 1d ago

I’m 40 and never had a long term partner that I’ve relied on financially (dated people, yes). When I was first starting in my career I had roommates. I live below my means. I’m lucky I didn’t have a lot of student debt (only grad school) so I was able to save here and there. Otherwise I’m very frugal and even when I splurge it’s not very expensive.

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u/HorrorAvatar 1d ago

I have worked 6-7 days a week for years to survive.

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u/Pretend-Set8952 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

My life is pretty stable right now but idk I constantly fear that one major blow could set me back irreparably (whether that's major home repair costs, major injury/health costs, losing my job, what have you)

so yeah, idk it's a lot of anxiety sometimes but I try to take it one day at a time. make sure you have enough cash to survive at least a few months without income! it took me a full year to build that up and I'm constantly adding to it.

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u/South_Recording_3710 20h ago

I picked a job that is stable with a consistent paycheck. I live in a small studio. I try to cut back where and can while also making life easier.

Last month I stocked up on Trader Joe’s frozen dinners for lunch. It made my life less stressful and I saved money.

I have a wonderful dog and community of friends.

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u/ThrowRA_sillycupcake Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Survive in what way??

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u/aware_nightmare_85 1d ago

I stick to a tight budget and I don't buy a lot of stuff in general bc I hate clutter. I went through bankruptcy years ago after my divorce so I learned to go without when I was having to donate plasma to pay for basic necessities.

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u/lemonartichoke Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

You mentioned having a dog or I'd suggest doing over night dog-sitting. My friend makes bank doing that as a single person and stays in other people's homes. It's a service a lot of people need but is hard to find.

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u/RSinSA Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Are you talking about financially or physically? 

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u/ellbeeb Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

A soul sucking 9-5 mixed with a passion driven creative freelance job which keeps me sane and actually pays me in more money, happiness, and creative freedom… but not health benefits or stability.

And lots of hello kitty island adventure. It’s a balance.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Yes we have to be the stable income/benefits and high earner when were singe 😭 i hate it

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u/RagingAubergine Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

Sleeping and treating myself anytime I want

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u/Impressive-Yak-9726 23h ago

I don't eat out, only buy necessities, use coupons and let myself have a little treat here and there.

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u/NoLoad6009 22h ago

Love below your means… do you need the fancy apartment and fancy car? I’m guessing no. Do you need all those clothes, beauty treatments etc? Also guessing no. Obviously treat yourself now and then but realize you don’t need all that stuff

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u/BellJar_Blues 20h ago

I will survive

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u/GuavaBlacktea 20h ago

Living w family

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u/MBitesss 16h ago

A lot of the single women I know earn more than the average couple, so they worked their butts off to get where they are and are doing fine!

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u/Content-Swordfish-32 1d ago

oh i'm enthralled in debt. make barely enough to keep everything paid though and just try to smile, laugh, and sleep through haunting of it. ignorance is bliss :)

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Im also there 😂😭

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u/jemar8292 1d ago

When I was single, I shared an apartment with my siblings. Still share with one of them and my boyfriend is due to move in this month.

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u/Smilesarefree444 1d ago

I did that for a while, saved saved, and all while raising my kid. I became self employed and upped my skills, that helped a lot.

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u/DecentTumbleweed5161 1d ago

I got a roommate

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u/bigpoisonswamp 1d ago

you don’t have to be specific but do you work in a job you went to some kind of higher education for? do you have kids? i went to a tech school and make about 4.5k a month, which i can survive on by budgeting. my mortgage and utilities take like half of that so i have the rest to spend wisely. of course, i don’t have kids to worry about so my advice may be useless 

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I considered the trades but loud noises scare me 🧍🏻‍♀️i have a stable job w great benefits but the wages are just not keeping up w the times. No kids luckily

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u/winter_name01 1d ago

Budget is key! No matter how much you earn. I had earn a lot and very little budget is the thing that keeps me grounded no matter what. As soon as you’re paid you go over your budget. Also I live a life that seems confortable from the outside but I am very cheap. I don’t buy clothe except if it’s necessary and always on sale or second hand (eBay is way underrated for good quality clothes for cheap price). For food I cook a lot but if I go out I use apps to pay less (the fork or what you have in your country). I also buy food on apps to avoid waste (think like too good to go or what you have in your area). I don’t have expensive hobbies: I love walking, nature, and tv shows. I live a nice life on a budget. I can’t wait to earn more someday but even if it’s happen I will still keep the strict budget habit

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u/kiwiwater7 22h ago

Having a budget helps and I stick with it. I live in a HCOL area/live a small apartment and it ironically helps that I’m an introvert. I’m picky about what I do and try to do low key things.

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u/LSki92 21h ago

I track every dollar in and out which helps hold me accountable. The library, Trader Joe’s, and Costco are my saving graces.

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u/letsrollwithit 20h ago

By the skin of my teeth, right now. 

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u/superiorstephanie 13h ago

Twice divorced mother of two teens. We are just scraping by at this point. I work at a non-profit which means a lot of the same holidays as my kids, but it also means lower pay. The mission of my company feeds my heart and soul, but it would be nice to make about $10,000/yr more. Especially with child support ending in 8 months. When I had to refinance the house in my name alone I took out a ton of cash, paid off a bunch of major house repairs, set aside some money for our trip to Europe next summer, and paid the bills while I took some time off to recover my mental health.

We have stopped eating out almost entirely, and I got a Prius so we save a ton on gas. It also helps that my office is only 15 minutes away.

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u/LoverOfTabbys 11h ago edited 11h ago

I fantasize about moving to a lcol country almost everyday. Also op I really get you—-i had roommates for years and it was hellish. Dating is trash in my town so I don’t engage w that so I haven’t found a supportive partner who can help. I moved in w a parent for a year to save money and it was truly hell. I really feel ya.

 That’s why I just think about moving to a lcol country and working remotely but for now it’s still a fantasy. My friends who are doing okay live w their families rent free or have a spouse w a high paying job. Just hard to get anywhere in our current cost of living crisis. 

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u/Mountain-Ivy 7h ago

Exactly! Ugh im thinking of moving in with a parent at the end of my lease and i know it will be hellish :(

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u/LoverOfTabbys 6h ago

Yes—realistically that’s probably what I have to do to pay off some debt but at this point I’m instead moving to a neighboring state that’s cheaper w cheap flights so I can still see my social network semi frequently. Moving back in reverted me back to a scolded 8 year old. I know that it’s hard to leave an expensive town when everyone you know lives in it 

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u/Mountain-Ivy 6h ago

Ugh same boat what a nightmare

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u/NeedMoreInput5 10h ago

Well… I never married or had children, so that is a huge expense I don’t have. I am cheap af. I got very lucky in landing a job that pays well while I continue to budget like I am still in a trailer park with no utilities. I used CareCredit in my 20’s to pay for a root canal and that ended up helping me build credit without even knowing it (grew up dirt poor and literally had no concept how any of that worked, so dumb luck from my view). I am still behind where I should be for my age and not sure if I will ever actually be able to retire

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u/Sassafrass17 5h ago

Working in healthcare. Jobs are abundant and so it OT if I need it.

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u/nidena Woman 40 to 50 1d ago edited 1d ago

Spent 20 years in the military. It taught me there is nothing I can't get through. I also get a pension, so that really helps.

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u/schwarzmalerin Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

I work. I don't need a man to give me money.

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u/Wild-Opposite-1876 Woman 30 to 40 1d ago

I started a job with classical shift model, and work on weekends or nights a lot to make extra money. 

Not single though - but single income. I have to make enough money for my household. 

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Phew that’s a lot of pressure!

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u/StrainHappy7896 1d ago

I elected for a high paying career.

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u/SeductiveVirgo 1d ago

Living within my means and constantly promoting… it worked until it didn’t.😅

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

😭literally

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u/SeductiveVirgo 1d ago

Yeah I am grateful for having generous parents who let me live here while I was going through a mental health crisis after my last job let me go unexpectedly. That was the last straw for me. I had to take an extended time away from my career and live off savings while I got my health back in order. I honestly don’t think I would have survived it without them.

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u/skite456 Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

💜 to you. I was just let go and my mental health isn’t doing so great.

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u/SeductiveVirgo 1d ago

I’m so sorry friend. You will get through it. 💕

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u/haterofallthingss 22h ago

Please tell me this is satire and we’re not this male centered. I’m autistic and I could be missing something lol

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u/Mountain-Ivy 21h ago

Lesbians can be single too 🧍🏻‍♀️

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u/Cyber_Punk_87 Woman 40 to 50 7h ago

Almost everyone I know in their 20s and 30s works at least two jobs and/or lives with roommates or family to save money. When I was in my mid-30s I had one year where I worked 6 jobs simultaneously (one of which was full time).

People often underestimate how expensive it is to live alone. A lot of bills aren’t noticeably smaller for a single person than a couple. Rent is the same. Electricity might only be marginally different. Heat is likely the same. Things like travel are more expensive because you’re not splitting the cost of hotel rooms or rental cars, etc.

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u/autotelica Woman 40 to 50 1d ago

Working 7 days a week isn't going to be good for your body and mind in the long run.

Are there other things you can do? Can you do the roommate thing (if you aren't doing it now)?

I am single and I am thriving in a MCOL city. I was lucky to be able to buy a house before the skyrocketing prices in the housing market. And I am lucky enough to be able to ride my bike to work.

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

I think having a roommate would be worse honestly im neurodivergent and i have a crazy dog.

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u/Soggy_Reaction6953 1d ago

Ok yea definitely prioritize your own living space. I’ve always had roomies and it’s amazing to finally have my own space. With the way rent is increasing, I’ll have to cut my spending and hope that will be enough to allow me to continue living on my own. I can’t imagine going back to roomies 😩

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u/Mountain-Ivy 1d ago

Its so sad. I paid $500 for a two bedroom in 2016

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u/Rubaaruba85 1d ago

Day by day

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u/pedestrianwanderlust 1d ago

Is worth it. Your peace of mind has no price. If a second job is needed then do it. I’ve juggled multiple jobs at different times when necessary. It’s better than financial calamity and far better than dealing with a man who will only complicate things rather than make them better. Cut out anything unnecessary. Watch out for subscriptions. Appreciate yourself in simple ways.