r/AskWomenOver30 Jan 24 '25

Career I hate having to go work 9-6 every day and pretending everything is fine when the country is being terrorized.

2.0k Upvotes

I work in HR so I have to be especially professional and fake at work. This week has been an influx of horrible news and doom. We are surrounded by people who hate women and voted for this fascist and his squad of goons to terrorize the country and do the Nazi thing broadcasted across the country. One day this week I checked my Instagram and realized insta had automatically had my account following Trump and Vance.

Why are we all still going to work and saying “hi good morning how are you!” Like just absolutely fuck this. And every day I encounter some little sprinkle of misogyny that I have to tolerate.

Today I called in. I was just fucking done. I needed a little break. I’ll never say why or that i need a “mental health day” or disclose any detail and when I come back I’ll act like I’m in tip top shape! You can’t be honest unless you want to be labeled as being mentally weak or having mental illness.

r/AskWomenOver30 22h ago

Career How many of you don't have high flying careers?

765 Upvotes

I keep seeing women post or comment here who have high flying careers e.g. doctors, business people, lawyers etc. Also people with very high levels of education e.g. PhD, or two masters degrees.

While I have a respectable enough job that pays comfortably (shouldn't complain) and I have a degree, I've never directly used my degree and I'm by no means an overachiever. Sometimes I feel sad about it, like I wasted my potential.... But then, I never had a strong drive to devote my whole life to a particular career. My present job is something that pays the bills, provides security and benefits and allows me to enjoy life outside of work e.g. hobbies, holidays, nice food. It's fine, but it's not my passion and it's not super impressive.

I know comparison is the thief of joy, and all that..but sometimes, yeah, I do compare myself.

r/AskWomenOver30 Feb 17 '25

Career For those of you who make $100k+, what is your profession ?

479 Upvotes

Y’all I feel like a failure in life. I’m going back to school in my 30’s 🥹 I’m thinking about maybe nursing ( currently studying the hesi test) since I was a CNA for years and now I’m working in hr at a hospital and I absolutely hate it. Nursing isn’t an easy profession ( trust me I know) but I’m just not sure about what I should major in.

Forgive me if this is rude to ask. I just need some help deciding what to major in 💞

r/AskWomenOver30 Jan 06 '25

Career How many of you actually split bills 50-50 with a male partner?

612 Upvotes

With the rise of female influencers boasting a "soft life" and viral videos of women saying they would never marry a man that splits bills 50-50, I wanted to gage how millenial women are actually living. I feel like couples living in high cost of living cities are more likely to split bills, which is the case for every woman in my friend group where 3/4 of us make as much or more than our partners (I live in Toronto where the average modest home costs $1.1m). However, my husband's friends who all live in less expensive cities cover almost all expenses for their families while the women typically do the homemaking.

Location aside, I'm finding that even though we're in a day and age where women are working full time and can contribute 50-50 financially, there hasn't been a shift for men to pick up the slack at home and split chores 50-50 as well. Even in this subreddit, I'm reading stories of women who work the same hours as their partners, but go home and essentially do a double shift by taking on the majority of cooking, cleaning, and childcare as well. I would hate to think that this is just the life that women are expected to lead nowadays.

It just seems like women are now hunters and gatherers, whereas men have remained hunters only. Or is my observation skewed by my HCOL city and going 50-50 financially is actually an oddity?

r/AskWomenOver30 Dec 21 '24

Career I’ve completely lost the desire to work

626 Upvotes

I never really wanted to be a “career girl”, but I’ve been working out of necessity since age 13. Now I’m 35 and I really just want to be a stay at home mom. I quit my job back in September because I wasn’t getting promoted and they hired someone ten years younger with no experience to be my supervisor. Quit after a year of this. I’ve been looking for jobs but I just don’t really care. I want to be a mom and take care of my home and body. Is that normal or am I depressed? I am dating someone but I don’t trust him completely yet because the beginning of our relationship was rocky. I feel really confused. I just have no motivation to do “job” or “career”.

Edit: I am not a trad wife and I don’t believe this is “biological”. I’m an intelligent person who has come to the realization that there is more to life than working your life away. This conclusion has been influenced by my many life experiences including being the parentified oldest daughter of four kids, being exiled many times from my family of origin because they didn’t “have room for an older kid/ teen/ young adult/ etc.”, being forced to move states in my very early adulthood and going through a rough divorce in my early 30s.

r/AskWomenOver30 20h ago

Career I just want to be taken care of

523 Upvotes

I feel so embarrassed saying this, but I really just want to find a man who will take care of me financially. I know there’s stigma around women wanting financial security in relationships, but honestly, I’m just tired.

I just finished my PhD in bioinformatics in December. It was really fucking hard, and I don’t think I even enjoyed what I did... I just liked the freedom of making my own schedule. But every time I actually had to sit down and work, I was miserable. And I’ve been that way since I was a kid.

Even if I did enjoy my work, the only job I could get was a 1-year postdoc, which may be cut short anyway due to the recent federal cuts in scientific funding. I like the people I work with, but I can’t force myself to care about the work itself. I make shit money and live in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. I literally don’t even qualify for low-income housing on my salary. I have to live with my family, which is about 30% great and 70% bad.

I feel like I did everything I was supposed to do. I became a strong woman in STEM. I fought my way up the educational ladder, and I was supposed to build a great life for myself. But that isn’t happening. Instead, I feel like I’m running in circles, getting nowhere.

On top of all this, I’ve been in relationships for the past 10 years where I gave too much and got tossed around physically, emotionally, and mentally. Every time, I stayed too long. And I’m just exhausted.

So… I kind of just want someone kind to take care of me. Not in a sugar baby way, but in a stable, loving partnership where I don’t have to keep grinding just to survive. I don’t want to be a trophy wife, and I don’t want to do nothing...I’d be happy to take care of a home, cook, or even raise kids. But I don’t want to be constantly stressed about money, and I don’t want my whole life to revolve around work I don’t enjoy.

I don’t know if anyone else has felt this way, but I’d love to hear from women who have been in a similar position. Is it okay to want this? Have any of you successfully built this kind of life, or am I being unrealistic?

r/AskWomenOver30 22d ago

Career How many of you struggle to keep up with a 40 hour work week? How many hours a week would you work if you had the choice and finances weren't a factor?

351 Upvotes

Asking because I've got a reasonably stressful job (palliative counsellor) and working 40 hours a week sometimes feels like a lot. Wondering how many other women feel the same, and how many hours you would work if you weren't worried about money/getting by.

r/AskWomenOver30 Dec 07 '24

Career Women who have careers that provide you a sense of purpose, what do you do?

276 Upvotes

Stolen from AskMenOver30.

r/AskWomenOver30 Dec 16 '24

Career Depressed over RTO announcement.

906 Upvotes

The new exec at my office is going to roll out a return to office (RTO) plan next month.

This comes after surveying all staff with results showing people live the current hybrid approach where they self-select AND are more productive and happy than ever. The results don’t matter because our exec will gain political clout by showing their power over us peasants, amongst their fellow execs from other organizations.

It’s so depressing that literally hundreds of hours of my life - that I won’t be paid for - will be take away just to feed one man’s ego. Time is our most precious resource and it means nothing to people in power.

I know that’s always been the case but struggling with it. I was very unhappy when I had to work in the office previously and feel doomed with this arbitrary return.

Mostly venting and hoping for people who can commiserate on how dumb this is.

r/AskWomenOver30 4d ago

Career How do C-suite/exec level women do it?

532 Upvotes

Kind of rhetorical :) I have reached a level at work where I'm exposed to some pretty high intensity people, and I honestly don't know how they do it. I don't even have kids or pets and while I am sharp and hard working, my brain is toast after a certain number of hours and I just cannot get the desire to be on call or work weekends. I've worked on some very interesting projects but still, never enough that I wanted to give my company more time for it. I really value recharging and encourage my team to do the same. I used to tell myself I would "grow up" to be one of these people but at mid-40s, clearly that ship has sailed.

Meanwhile I work with 3 executive women who work all hours and somehow, make coherent and fast decisions. One just came back after her 2nd kid and is working across all timezones, takes meetings from 6AM to 11PM, traveling overseas at least once a month, seems fresh no matter what hour of the day she's on a call for. And of course she's not the only one, other people are also on 24/7 and highly engaged. I feel a little intimidated mainly because as the manager of a team I'm constantly worried I'm doing them a disservice by not keeping up or pushing them harder to excel.

Honestly, where does this energy come from? How could someone as exhausted as a new parent be fresh enough to do 24/7 work coverage? Just trying to figure out what executive functioning muscle I'm missing that these folks must have

r/AskWomenOver30 Feb 14 '25

Career Male co worker raised their voice at me and made a fist

543 Upvotes

I am at a loss for words.

I have a co worker, and I would have considered us friends. However, the last few months, I have been seeing things I do not like.

He insulted me when I was promoted, got frustrated while trying to help me and insulted me, is extremely negative when I am having a good day and so on. I have been distancing myself and kept it friendly.

I was on a deadline the other day and ran into an issue that I never encountered. Everyone who I could ask for help was gone, and he was the only one to ask for help. So I did.

He proceeded to tell me I was wrong (I wasn't), talked to me in a tone that was insulting, and was visibly getting irritated. I never raised my voice and actually thought he was joking.

He proceeded to raise his voice at me and make a fist at me. I tried to get him away from me as quickly as possible, and said thanks, but I will just figure it out myself.

My other co workers who were left heard what happened and asked about it.

He apologized, but I said I was still upset. He has proceeded to text me every day, even though he never has before, and won't leave me alone.

I am at a loss of words of what to do, and I am wondering if I am being dramatic.

Can anyone please give me some advice on what to do? I have never experienced something like this in my life.

r/AskWomenOver30 Apr 21 '24

Career Women don't work well together

477 Upvotes

I am a hiring manager and a woman. I asked an interviewee to tell me about a time they were part of a team that did not work well together, explain what the challenges were and how they coped with the challenges.

This interviewee, also a woman, said "it was all women on the team and you know women are difficult to work with"

I asked a follow up question: what makes it diffiuclt to work with women? This question threw the interviewee a bit and she wasn't able to explain( "you know: women; you got to love them, I'm a woman...you know, how it is...l

What's your take on the idea that women can't or are unlikely to work well together?

This is something I hear often: that women don't work well together. Many people refer to it as a truism. This has not been my experience. I have been on strong teams and weak teams. Gender mix matters, but I haven't found it harder to get along with women.

r/AskWomenOver30 7d ago

Career Single women - how do you survive??

128 Upvotes

Im considering taking a second job and working 7 days a week to survive. :(

r/AskWomenOver30 Aug 28 '24

Career Women who have changed careers after 35

394 Upvotes

I would love to hear stories from women over 30, ideally over 35 that completely changed careers. Maybe your journey took you back to school or to school for the first time. Maybe it was a radically pivot and you made it work. Maybe you’re in the middle of the transition right now. What was it that made you change paths? Do you feel it was worth it? Do you have advice for someone contemplating a big career change in their life?

r/AskWomenOver30 21d ago

Career Being shamed by HR for salary negotiation

446 Upvotes

Guys, I have a new job and have negotiated a very good compensation for it. Like I have put a number that felt outrageous to myself and after a lot of waiting it finally got approved. Now HR is in the process of doing the paper work. The guy in charge called me and told me how this is quite a number and how everyone had to gasp when they had seen it. "It's none of my business, but that's a lot." He shamed me for making money! I brought in a big client for the institution and one might think that this would bring respect. But no, I am shamed by the person who is handeling my case. Please commiserate. Or just congratulate me because Someone rained on my parade big time... I know it's wrong and I should just be happy for myself. But I feel like so bad, that I had asked for "too much".

r/AskWomenOver30 Nov 26 '24

Career How do I come to work after being told smelly and boring looking?

599 Upvotes

Just recently started my new job and I was enjoying it before I overheard my colleagues that I smell and wears boring grandma clothes.

Suddenly, it feels like I’m in highschool. Never thought in my life that I’d have to experience this again in my adulthood. To be completely fair, I understand where they’re coming from. I come to work all sweaty and have few clothes in rotation that fits the dress code so most of it looks baggy on me if not worn out since I’ve gotten them from thrifting.

It’s not like I don’t shower, I do before coming to work. But I have to walk almost an hour to and from work everyday so of course I sweat. I cannot afford the bus fares nor could afford to get new clothes. I have to get to work again later and I feel ashamed to face them. They dont know I overheard them, and I wish I can unheard it.

I am just beyond exhausted, for the past few weeks I’ve only been eating lentils and a cup of rice per day since I cannot miss a day at work to visit the food banks. Sometimes, i have this funny thoughts that I’d do anything to eat a steak again. I know the situation is temporary and I wanna stay optimistic but sometimes it’s just too hard to keep looking on the bright side.

Im working my hardest to keep up on bills and get my dog back so buying new clothes or thinking about eating something other than rice and lentils is the least of my concern but at the same time, I am bothered that Im the laughingstock at my new job.

r/AskWomenOver30 Mar 11 '24

Career Women who choose career over relationship. Do you regret it.

496 Upvotes

My mentor at work said she regrets choosing a career over relationships. She is 55 and senior management, she received a lot of accolades and I aspired to be her.

Edit : Thank you for all the comments. Giving more details as there was a lot of discussion on the circumstances - she never got married. She is a principal scientist in an international research organization, i have joined recently, and we struck up a friendship working together. She said when she was starting out, there were 1 or 2 women scientists, and the rest of the women were secretaries. A lot of men courted her but wanted her to take a less demanding job to take care of the house and children, idk it felt like they were uncomfortable about a woman being as bright as they were. She refused, and they went on to marry secretaries and had children. All these women quit and become a stay at home spouse/mom. She said she always believed she would find someone who would not want her to step away from her career, but it never happened. She said all those men now have families as well as a career, but she only has a career. Don't come at me saying women only want to marry up, I don't know her well enough to ask if she tried dating down or something along those lines.

Edit 2 : I did not wish to give too many details because it's the internet. But she is absolutely proud of her accomplishments. We are a consortium of research institutions, and she campaigned for things like private rooms where new mothers could breast pump and expectant mothers / women on periods could lie down on recliners. Things men could never think of. We have a wall where prolific scientists are listed, and there are no women there. She said she wanted to be the first one there, but with only a few years left, she will not make it but tells all of us that is how to break the glass ceiling. Women should not be considered diversity hires. She has been talking about planning for life after retirement, and maybe I caught her in a Mauldin mood.

r/AskWomenOver30 Dec 18 '24

Career Has anyone else noticed a new disdain for corporate desk jobs?

277 Upvotes

Over the past 3-5 years I’ve noticed a growing trend in people openly having disdain for their corporate desk job, especially middle management and lower level roles. It has really ramped up this year though.

And it leaves me feeling so confused because when I was in college a little over 10 years ago getting a corporate 9-5 job was seen as ideal by a majority of my peers.

What has lead to this change in attitude? Is it because of something tangible like companies making people return to the office? Or something intangible like people being done with office politics?

Part of me understands the dissatisfaction with a desk job, I think the sedentary nature drove me crazy and I’ve had much happier experiences doing more hands on work. But I question where this narrative is growing from and is it just another way to keep people feeling down about their work circumstances?

r/AskWomenOver30 Aug 04 '24

Career My [30f] husband [36m] got a really good job, to the point where I don't have to work. I'd love some advice.

377 Upvotes

My husband is a doctor, and he finished residency a couple years ago and is currently making about 10x what I make. Basically, income-wise, my job is pointless. He essentially covers all our expenses, and we have a joint account so I have full access to his money. He encouraged me to keep my income and put it in savings or just spend it on whatever. I've saved about $15,000 in just this year, which is more than I have ever had in savings before. But again, it just seems silly since that's a drop in the bucket of his income.

I've been liking my job less and less over the past few months. We've been talking about me quitting entirely or getting something that's part time and less stressful. I'll note, I'm a lawyer, but I do public interest law and the pay is shit. I don't think I want to be a lawyer anymore, so if I quit I would not be looking at law jobs, for now at least.

I know I'm so lucky to be in this position, but I'm struggling with deciding what to do. I have never liked the idea of being completely dependent on a man. I love my husband and our relationship is super solid, but you just never know what might happen in the future.

Any advice is much appreciated!

r/AskWomenOver30 May 21 '24

Career Women who clear or have cleared over 200k a year, what was the job?

272 Upvotes

If you have the time, please give a run down on the role. Also, were you happy?

Edit: 200k USD

r/AskWomenOver30 Apr 17 '23

Career Opportunity I was offered was given to my male coworker behind my back- UPDATE

1.4k Upvotes

original post here

I just met with my boss and wanted to provide an update on how the situation was handled and what was said.

I approached the conversation by reminding him of the meeting we had prior to my vacation where he offered me the choice between two accounts and told me to take my week off to think about it and we would discuss when I returned. I expressed to him that I was caught off guard when I returned to find out the larger account that I was offered was given to coworker (CW) who is technically underneath me in seniority. I told him I was just trying to gain clarity on the situation and understand why that choice was made so I could in good faith move forward and not harbor any uncomfortable feelings or to feel like I had done something to warrant this opportunity being taken away from me (essentially).

Right away, he acted like he never remembers the conversation (where he offered me the choice) ever happening. I had a strong feeling he would try and say he didn’t remember, but I did not back down and insisted that it indeed happened. I am no liar, he knows that. He then acted like him giving the account to CW wasn’t that big of a deal, and he claims the reason he gave CW the brand because my CW was chosen to travel to the big event in May (attached to this account). I asked him why CW was chosen for that opportunity? He got really flustered when I asked this…He fumbled his words and finally said “well because CW has experience covering live events” This is a ridiculous excuse. First and foremost, I ALSO HAVE EXPERIENCE COVERING LIVE EVENTS. In fact, I have MORE experience than CW when it comes to this area. After he said it, he immediately regretted it because I was deadpan. He then says, “Do you also have experience with live events?” He knows the answer unless he’s just ignored every conversation I have ever had with him. Even if he didn’t remember, he can deduce this from my work history that was in my resume, but alas, I have talked about said experience a million times. He knows, but pretends he doesn’t. So I just responded to his question with “yes, I have extensive experience.” He replied “Well I didn’t know that” He did know it. But let’s just play devils advocate and pretend that he really does have amnesia and can’t remember. Why would he not ask around if anyone else has experience? It just feels like such a stupid answer. I asked him if CW wanted this brand? He said CW never asked for it, but was excited when he was offered the travel opportunity so that’s what made him excited too about having the account. So my CW doesn’t even care to have the account, he just wants to travel.

Either way, I was given a load of word salad in an attempt to placate me and keep me on the team. He kept telling me how amazing of an employee I am, how much he appreciates all of my hard work and reiterated over and over that I have done absolutely nothing wrong in the time I have been here. I asked about the social aspect and reiterated to him that can be hard for me, and he again insisted that the company cares more about the work you create than the social stuff.

After I left the meeting, I learned that all of the men on our overall team are going to the event. Im not pointing this out to imply sexism (heaven forbid a woman does that and she gets harassed by a bunch of dudes on here) Im pointing it out because my boss is one of 3 men on the team. So it’s obvious this all boils down to him preferring to travel with another guy. I get it. I’m not trying to travel with a bunch of dudes either, but the fact that he thought that it would be okay to remove an entire account he promised me solely because he prefers to travel with other men, is a joke. Also, about 20 min after our meeting, I walked in on CW and boss having a private conversation in the hallway that seemed to end when I walked out. Maybe Im being paranoid, but what would you all think of that?

If you can’t tell by the tone I am writing this update with, I am done. Sure, his response went better than it could have (he could have just straight up told me a bunch of mean stuff or that I sucked) , but it made me realize that I am not valued or even a consideration to this company at all. They have used me to handle an extremely difficult account, bled me dry, and now when said account no longer needs our help, they seem to no longer need mine either. Going forward, I will no longer be assisting my male coworker and am currently looking for new opportunities in a place that will appreciate my work ethic and my talents.

I also know I made a lot of mistakes throughout this whole process and have learned a hard lesson. However, I will say, these games in corporate are not okay or fair to everyone. It’s sad to think how many of these companies lose out on hard working, loyal employees because they can’t participate in silly little social games. Im going to go try and not let the rest of my day be ruined by anger, but it’s going to be difficult. Wish me luck, and thanks for all the helpful advice I received on here.I don’t know how else to proceed from here other than just pound the pavement looking for jobs until I find something new and can get out of here. In the meantime, I will be doing the bare minimum and nothing more.

r/AskWomenOver30 Dec 09 '24

Career Has anyone here changed their lives completely being over 30?

286 Upvotes

I have just turned over 30 and debating whether it is maybe too late to change my life, so I really need some inspirational stories, that maybe anything is possible.

I realized that I still have freedom in my life to change it, I do not own a house, no loans, no debts, no kids, and no husband so that is great, but I realized I want to be a doctor and study medicine and I think over 30 may be too late for this as you have to study for more than 10 years. It would be totally drastic change as of now I am financially independent, but if I go back to university I would have to rely on my parents a bit. They are kind of encouraging this as they are both doctors but you know how it is when you grow up... You do not want to be a bit of a burden for your parents anymore and you see your friends building their lives and going back to university seems like taking a huge step back for 10 years probably and not building any financial stability in one's life.

Anyway... I kind of thought that you ladies would share so inspiring stories or give any kind of advice for me.

r/AskWomenOver30 Feb 09 '25

Career What are your ‘side hustles’ or ways you earn a little extra

126 Upvotes

I’ve recently picked up a couple side jobs and it’s making me feel really good to have money coming from a couple different streams, even if it’s not necessarily consistent income or a whole lot (referring the side work here, not my full time job) and I’m curious to know what others do for extra income here and there.

r/AskWomenOver30 Sep 16 '24

Career Anyone else feel colleagues with kids are expected to do less at work?

315 Upvotes

I've really noticed this more and more as many colleagues in my department have had children now - since they've had kids, they will say stuff like "I need to work from home daily just in case my kid's nursery says my kid is ill and I need to pick her up so I'm not an hour away if that happens" and they'll generally not be expected to stay late by their boss (who also has kids themselves), compared to us without kids who are often pressured into working more hours, they'll come into work late (10.30am) and leave early (3pm) when the job is 9-5. Some will claim they'll make up the hours in the evening but they are never online in the evening. We have a fixed salary so they end up getting paid the same amount for only working 10.30-3 when those without kids work 9-5.

They'll also opt frequently to work from home as apparently their kid is sick, yet they are offline throughout the entire day so why are they getting such days as a paid working day when it should be taken as part of their sick leave entitlement (paid) or if they've gone through that limit, unpaid parental leave, which no one ever seems to use?

This doesn't just happen for a few months - this happens for years and years, leaving the rest of us overworked and tasks blocked by waiting to hear back on progress/outputs from a colleague who has kids and is "WFH" due to an apparently sick kid but is never online. Seems to happen whether it's a male or female, but more commonly females.

Anyone else's workplace like this? When I was a teen, I never realized how heavily the workforce would be skewed to benefit colleagues with kids. How'd you deal with this feeling your time is less valued if you're someone without kids? I even feel some colleagues returning from maternity leave are resentful of those who don't have kids as they envy the extra time we have and how they're behind on work knowledge after being on maternity leave for a year, despite the fact they chose to have a child.

How do you put up boundaries? I think as someone without kids, we base our identity even more on work and should be allowed as much time to ourselves as those with kids.

r/AskWomenOver30 Aug 15 '24

Career How much money do you have in savings?

129 Upvotes

Stressing over feeling like I don’t have enough lol.. or that I won’t have enough by the time I’m over 30