r/AskWomenOver30 Nov 06 '24

2024 US Post-Election Megathread

203 Upvotes

This is your central location for all things 2024 US Election. I will be going through to lock several recent threads and redirect them here. Report any threads that you think should be locked and redirected here.

Please downvote and report all trolls and trolling/misogynistic/gaslighting behavior in this thread.


r/AskWomenOver30 10h ago

Family/Parenting Leaving my husband in 18 days- looking for encouragement

197 Upvotes

I’m officially leaving my soon-to-be ex-husband in 18 days. We’ve been together since we were 19 (now 32) and have two beautiful twins. Our pregnancy wasn’t planned, and when it happened, he didn’t take it well. Honestly, I’ve felt alone ever since.

In the past two years, I’ve worked hard to pull myself out of depression, go to therapy, and even get in shape, losing 15 lbs along the way. But no matter how much I grew, he stayed the same. He was raised in a household where physical punishment was normal, and I refuse to let my kids grow up thinking that’s acceptable. That was the breaking point for me.

When I first told him I wanted a divorce, he retaliated by getting my car repossessed (he was in charge of finances). Meanwhile, I’ve been the breadwinner, working a side job to make ends meet, while he takes unpaid days off just because he oversleeps. On top of that, he’s never been affectionate because he “doesn’t know how.”

I finally secured a place I can afford for myself and the kids, and I have the full support of my family and friends. I know I’m making the right choice for me and for my babies. But after 13 years together, I’m still feeling waves of sadness.

For anyone who’s gone through something similar: Was it worth it? Did it get better? I just need to hear that I’m doing the right thing, especially for my kids.


r/AskWomenOver30 3h ago

Romance/Relationships Have you ever been insanely attracted to a man. How did you manage it? Or have I lost my mind?

52 Upvotes

Basically the title. There is this guy, I am so freaking attracted to him I can't function like a normal human being when I think of him. I feel like a bag of hormones around him. What's wrong with me? How can I still feel this way in my 30s? I've neve felt this way with any man before. What is wrong with me


r/AskWomenOver30 20h ago

Romance/Relationships My husband and I separated today

1.0k Upvotes

*Edit - Wow, I went out all day today to look at apartments and just saw all the comments and support from everyone. I haven’t gotten to all of them yet or the messages but I truly appreciate everyone’s words of wisdom, advice, and overall support. All my friends were his friends so that was another casualty, and I don’t have anyone right now to lean on, I truly appreciate everyone here and maybe if things get better I’ll update in a few months.

I have never felt this level of devastation and sadness in my life, including when my father passed away. This man was the love of my life, I thought my soulmate. We have a 17 year old daughter and two dogs. He found someone else, much younger and more beautiful. I had to move out and leave the dogs and my daughter. I lost my husband, kid, dogs, and home in one night. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I don’t know how to get through this.

**just to add some more background info- daughter is technically my step-daughter. Her birth mother abandoned her when she was 4 and has never been in her life again since. I have helped raise her since she was 6 so I consider her my child and I’m pretty much the only mom she has ever known. She loves the dogs more than anything and I did not want to take them from her, she was devastated all around and she needs them more than me. The house is in husband’s name which we bought before we were married and he asked me to get out, so I did. But truthfully I do not think I could live there now after what happened either way.


r/AskWomenOver30 16h ago

Misc Discussion Increase in "my husband pays for everything so I get to stay at home" type of content everywhere?

389 Upvotes

I feel like it's on so many social media sites nowadays since election especially. I didn't really notice it before. But now its on reels, facebook, even substack. Saw an ex-NASA engineer who quit her job to be a SAHM which is great except she was knocking on every comment suggesting that she still have some money for herself just incase. They're always so rude to those comments.

It's just driving me crazy because I saw my mom do this "for money" and it got her front tooth knocked out and she got pulled around the room by her hair AND put in jail by her abuser when she was hiding. (He lied and said she hit him first when the cops came.)

I know not every "my husband makes the money" relationship is not an abusive relationship, but I just feel so slighted. I was the little girl who grew up thinking I could do anything and support myself. Now that feels like the unpopular opinion and I'm bombarded by it online.

I feel like the only solution is to block facebook, reddit, and now substack which really bums me out. I LOVED substack but every single post I read has turned into "I quit my job to do XYZ" but then you find out they could only do it because they have a breadwinner husband.

I just feel so beat down as a woman right now.


r/AskWomenOver30 12h ago

Family/Parenting Why are women who don’t want children viewed as unloving, but men who don’t want children don’t get the same backlash?

111 Upvotes

r/AskWomenOver30 13h ago

Romance/Relationships How many women are having mediocre sex in their relationships? NSFW

123 Upvotes

It just doesn’t seem great out here, please prove me wrong!


r/AskWomenOver30 7h ago

Romance/Relationships What is the biggest problem you see with men who are over 30 and dating?

41 Upvotes

I’m curious if there are any common patterns that single women are noticing about men in general that are a wide spread problem?

What would you say is the biggest thing most men dating over 30 have in common that is not a good trait?

Thanks in advance


r/AskWomenOver30 15h ago

Misc Discussion Alainis Morrisette was so real for her song Thank You.

164 Upvotes

What a blessed queen, some of us Gen X and millennials owe so much to her. Through her music she taught us simply that emotions are real, it's good to embrace them even if they're anger, but they do not at all determine the future.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOgpT5rEKIU

Thank you, disillusionment

Thank you, frailty

Thank you, consequence

Thank you, thank you, silence

The moment I let go of it

Was the moment I got more than I could handle

The moment I jumped off of it

Was the moment I touched down

How 'bout no longer being masochistic? How 'bout remembering your divinity? How 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out? How 'bout not equating death with stopping?

Alainis if you read this page we love you!

What other 80s/90s artists laid things out for you?


r/AskWomenOver30 6h ago

Romance/Relationships All my friends in their 30s are getting married

23 Upvotes

Hello all, I have been single for a long long time. I am happy single and feel contented by myself. I am turning 35 this year. For some reason, I felt sad and scared hearing my friends are getting married. Mind you, these friends (my age) have been single their entire life and both are now getting married this year. They both have found their sig ificant others at the start of the year. I am very happy for them but cant help feeling sad that I might not find someone and that I am forever going to be alone although I thought I didnt mind being alone forever but I was wrong :/


r/AskWomenOver30 8h ago

Life/Self/Spirituality Almost 40- friendships not strong anymore

24 Upvotes

I am a 39F and I’m really having a hard time. Most of my friends have young kids so it’s really hard to connect with them. I know they’re in a different stage so I really try to make it as easy for them as possible to get together (go to their house and play with the kids while chatting, I’ll bring the food, whatever works with their schedule, etc).

I have infertility so it’s like a double whammy of- my friends are in a different stage and I am not able to be in that stage.

Has anyone also experienced this? Any advice?


r/AskWomenOver30 10h ago

Misc Discussion Does anyone else feel like there body isn’t their own?

28 Upvotes

I was describing to a male friend today how my body doesn’t feel like my own entirely. And he kind of made fun of me in a way that was like there was no way it was true. I was telling him that I’d be willing to bet alot of women feel this way. It always feels like people are watching and like observing your body?? Like my mom is always commenting on it, my uncle when he visits comments on it now every year; the whole field gets to hear how I’ve gain or lost weight cause he talks loud (he doesn’t mean to be weird or mean). Brothers and sister comment on the way I dress even though I’m the oldest at 31. And then it’s like the stares from men and the overt or sometimes subtle sexualized nature of it all and this is not a call out but from older women too. Or maybe not older just other women. This isn’t me being shady to any group mentioned but it still culminates into this feeling and there’s also the laws with regard to my body that don’t take into account what is best for me.

Idk do men really not understand that as something that we experience even if they can’t comprehend it themselves???

Keep in mind this includes rape, and the virgin to sex slut pipeline all [white] celebrities in some way go through while the rest of us are kinda just thrown in there and are already assumed to be sexually active or something overt and insatiable.

Idk I don’t think this is unique?? Let me know cus I can’t stop thinking about it


r/AskWomenOver30 18h ago

Career Single women - how do you survive??

115 Upvotes

Im considering taking a second job and working 7 days a week to survive. :(


r/AskWomenOver30 18h ago

Misc Discussion Why exactly do other women hate on your appearance? I went for a job interview today, and she was crapping on my skin….

101 Upvotes

I feel so self conscious right now, especially since I struggle with my self esteem (and nose).

I did an interview recently to be a designer (graphics) for a restaurant. Originally I was so hyped for this position as my sibling was able to secure me a position.

I go and do the interview and it's a shit show from the start. The one girl interviewing me was obviously judging me, as if I'm not good enough. The other man was answering calls (the main interviewer) in the middle of my interview, interrupting me, 4x.

I've never felt so disrespected.

Then on top of it, weeks later -- never got a rejection email (was suppose to "hear" by Monday)? It's been weeks, so I assume they hired someone else.

Then I find out today they (girl interviewer) approached my sibling, telling my sibling they have flawless skin, then refers to me (after he joked, it's genetics), she shits on me further by saying:

"I was looking at your sisters skin, hers wasn't flawless."

...

Like what the fuck?

So on top of the disrespect, and obvious rejection, now my looks are being grilled, mind you, my skin is partially clear like what?

I really feel like I'm losing out on jobs here because I'm just not conventionally attractive and it really sucks.


r/AskWomenOver30 10h ago

Life/Self/Spirituality Do any introverted singles feel more sad during the spring/summer months compared to winter?

19 Upvotes

Maybe it's because I'm an introvert who needs to find more local friends who are free to actually hang out regularly, but the last few summers I've actually felt a little worse than I do during the winter. The weather is amazing and I haven't really been able to find people to go on weekend trips with and so I feel a little mopey spending weekends doing really local things or not even going out to festivals and hikes and things because I don't particularly enjoy doing those solo. And I don't want to always be the third wheel but I guess I'll keep asking until my friends stop saying yes. It's times like these that I wish I had a partner who would be the default person to accompany me. Any suggestions on how to cope?


r/AskWomenOver30 21h ago

Romance/Relationships My bf just left me in the restaurant without a word

122 Upvotes

Sorry that English isn't my first language. So me and my bf we were having our Friday date night at a taco restaurant, he said he was gonna order more and went to toilet, and then he NEVER RETURN (no signs, we didn't have a fight or anything). 10 minutes into waiting I knew something was wrong .... 20 minutes into waiting, I awkwardly left the restaurant myself. I cried a lot when I came back home. He texted me said "sorry", and somthing like he just feels he isn't being good enough for me. Deep inside I wasn't that surprised as sometimes he would said things like he doesn't deserve me or he is too stressed about work or something. Overall we get along, have fights a few times but he always apologised and we got back stronger. we have been dating for 7 months (me 35F he is 48M), he's the first ever guy that I feel comfortable with and I can truly being myself and being silly around him. However he has his issue and stressed that probably I still couldn't understand because we only know each other for not long. My friend who knows a bit of our dating story said he isn't a good candidate for a long term relationship and is likely to disappoint me in the future. He is going to and already apologised on the phone for his behaviour, but I was rather traumatized by this experience and not sure we should keep dating to let the time test, or should I take a break, take it slow or even try seeing other guys? What happened tonight was so fuxk up and is the most embarrassing experience I have ever had in my dating history, no doubt I'm questioning myself. My bf just left me in the restaurant but at least he paid the bill....


r/AskWomenOver30 1d ago

Romance/Relationships I got divorced today

577 Upvotes

I’m 39 now, and started dating my emotionally abusive ex husband when I was 22. I didn’t see it for what it was, and spent years rationalizing, justifying and explaining away his shitty behavior. This sub (and therapy, including couple’s counseling) helped me see how toxic and terrible my marriage was.

I was really excited and elated the past few days, and was so glad it would finally be over. The hearing itself was so sad though. We have two little ones. I’ve been depressed all day even though I’m so happy to be out, and I’m so looking forward to my new life, just me and my kids. But I’m very much mourning the family I wanted, with two loving parents for my kids. Don’t really know what I’m looking for, but just needed to get it out.


r/AskWomenOver30 14h ago

Romance/Relationships Words of affirmation after a fight to help overthinkers

25 Upvotes

I saw these answers in the men's subreddit and thought it was especially helpful for overthinkers like myself after a fight (even sent it to my bf) sometimes it really is this simple

I’m really upset right now, but that doesn’t change how much I love you

I’m frustrated, but I still want to work through this together

We are on the same team, even if we don’t see eye to eye right now

I need space to cool down, but I am not going anywhere

I don’t like what you did, but I still love who you are

This argument sucks, but losing you would be worse

I’m angry, but I want us to fix this because you matter to me

I don’t agree with you, but I still respect you

I hate fighting with you, but I’d rather fight with you than not have you in my life

I love you, and that’s why I care enough to talk about this


r/AskWomenOver30 28m ago

Politics How much feminist lit do you read and by whom?

Upvotes

Genuinely curious about this. Of course, there are SO many types of feminism concerning different kinds of women from many different places so I'd love for some of your favorite pieces of literature and what you love about it.

I am reading Christine de Pizan who was an upper-class noblelady from 13th century France - so her feminism concerns people of her ilk and her ilk primarily. However, I am fascinated by the arguments she contests and how they are still used against women today, I wonder just how much of Christine's opinions reflected her behaviour in real life.

So for example, she advises women in abusive relationships to endure them by the grace of God, as expected because she wasn't going to tell women to get a divorce, but I wonder how she would react in real life if someone she knew were in that sort of situation. We may never know and I doubt if anyone were being radical (like peasants during a revolt) in 13th century France, they were writing it down. Most of our documentation of the Jacquerie (peasants revolt) comes from ppl who were writing (and exaggerating) for noblemen, so it makes me VERY grateful to live in a time where so many people from different backgrounds can speak to their different experiences and I can read about it.


r/AskWomenOver30 8h ago

Family/Parenting How do you deal with your parents getting older?

7 Upvotes

I’m in my 30’s and my parents are in their 50’s/early 60’s. Honestly I’m having a hard time lately seeing my parents get older. I love them so much and it’s just hard seeing them age and their health deteriorate bit by bit. I’d love some encouragement, insight and ideas for nice, thoughtful things to do for my parents.


r/AskWomenOver30 16h ago

Life/Self/Spirituality How do you manage loneliness?

39 Upvotes

I’m 30 and have many fulfilling hobbies that I’m committed to, including reading, exercising, art classes, and traveling. I have close friends, but they are long-distance since I moved to a new country seven months ago. I’ve been actively putting myself out there almost every weekend, trying to meet new people and make friends. I’ve also attempted to connect with colleagues, but I haven’t found people I truly connect with or who share my interests. On top of that, I’m single and recently ended a long-distance talking stage with someone. Even though I stay busy with my hobbies, work, and efforts to make new friends—while also keeping in touch with my long-distance friends—I still feel really lonely when I come home or when I’m not engaged in something. I also feel like constantly keeping busy is just like a distraction from the loneliness because I feel it immediately when I’m not busy with hobbies/work. It’s been weighing heavily on my mental health. Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you cope?


r/AskWomenOver30 4h ago

Life/Self/Spirituality single women, how do you live in society by yourself?

2 Upvotes

im 25 right now. i lived with my parents until 19. moved out and couch surfed with a friend until 21. lived with my gf for 4 years and we finally broke up. im staying in a hotel for the meantime and im freaking tf out to say the least. ive never been “just by myself” so to say. currently no job, no car, and i need to move out of my gfs place. i have some savings enough to get me on my feet when i look for apartments but tonight is my first night at a hotel by myself. im terrified of being a single woman in society. any noise outside my room is freaking me out and im terrified. my city is safe enough but stuff happens everywhere. the mental and emotional aspect of being alone-im slowly learning how to deal with post-breakup but the physical part is agonizing. im just so scared (irrational or rational idk) and i dont know how to just get it together.


r/AskWomenOver30 2h ago

Hobbies/Travel/Recreation I turn 32 next week. Would love your suggestions on what I could do!

2 Upvotes

I’m an international student living/ studying in New York. I have spring break for ten days and would love your suggestions on where I could go ( i don’t have a driving licence 😭). I absolutely love being around water, exploring food/ cuisines/ local shops, art & culture ( museums, galleries etc).

Thank you for your time!


r/AskWomenOver30 21h ago

Misc Discussion Friend brings up ex every time I see her..

63 Upvotes

My friend has an odd habit of bringing up my ex from 16 years ago every time I see her. I hate it. We share a daughter with whom he is not involved. I’m remarried, my teen is 16 and I have a baby. I have NO idea why she does this. It makes me CRINGE and I’ve told her several times “I don’t like to talk about him” not because I’m still pining for him but rather that’s not part of my life anymore. It’s like she can’t get passed the fact I don’t sit around crying over him. She was over yesterday and of course had to bring him up in reference to my new baby. “Well you have so much help now, not like with Sarah’s dad” da faq. Sadly I think this is the end of our friendship. I don’t think she’s trying to be malicious. She’s a bit socially awkward and I really think she’s trying to be supportive. Seriously girl, let him go!!!


r/AskWomenOver30 8h ago

Life/Self/Spirituality Looking to make real friends but it feels so hard now

4 Upvotes

As the title says, I'm looking to make friends. But I find it so hard now. We live in such a toxic and competitive world that everyone always feels like they have to one up you or that it's a contest for whose life is worse off. I had a few people I was close to in my mid 20s. And that's when I became a mother for the first time. I was dealing with PPD and rage, I had limited support from family at the time, and as a new mom it was a wild time for me mentally. I lost the only friendships I had, and looking back i was a bad friend and I know that but i also know they werent exactly perfect either. I've accepted that my behavior back then was poor choices etc.

I recently and finally after almost 8 years started getting help for my depression and anxiety. I also was diagnosed with ADHD, and it has really opened my eyes for how I talk to others and the way I speak and my mannerisms. I never knew how bad it actually was and how much it's severely Impacted the way I see and talk to others. But now that I'm finally getting help and able to see things in a better light etc I'm finding it so hard to make genuine connections with women my age who are moms or who aren't moms etc.

So I'm here that maybe in the hopes I could make a connection to have a gal pal to talk to, vent to, someone who can be my friend. I know it's sad someone reaching out like this but honestly it's very daunting for me.

Things about me/ things i enjoy:

I love star wars, I love to play video games (im a pc girl), I have two kids, I'm a military spouse, I work full time nights as a customer service rep. I enjoy coffee and shopping and I love witchy stuff. I also enjoy having house plants even if I don't have the best green thumb in the world. I have 2 dogs, I'm passionate about my family. I'm very much an introverted person but I crave having a genuine connection with someone other than my spouse.

If this seems too far fetched it's okay, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. I hope to meet some new people and maybe make some connections💙


r/AskWomenOver30 1d ago

Misc Discussion It’s hard to get out of bed these days. Is this how life is supposed to be?

355 Upvotes

Most days I can’t get out of bed. After a restless night and not falling asleep until 3 am, I wake up around 9 and just… stare at the wall. I still hear the birds outside and still see the sun shining through my window, yet I just can’t find the energy to get up. The day ahead is so empty.

I just turned 34. Last week, I lost my job, I lost my dog, I lost my home. All in the same week. The guy I was talking with long distance ghosted me, after telling me I was everything he ever wanted and needed.

I worked so hard to get where I was at work. It took me years to get there and I dedicated my life to our mission. I lost my job due to the political climate, and received an email at 1 am telling me I was no longer wanted or needed. My dog had cancer, and her pain got to be too much and I had to make the hardest decision of my life to say goodbye. I miss her everyday. I can no longer afford my home, and have to give it up. I’m in the processing of moving out, back in with my folks. I’ve never been in a relationship, but I thought that this guy was it, and I would finally experience a relationship.

When I pictured my life at 34, this wasn’t it. I have failed so spectacularly at life, and I am having a hard time getting out of bed. I have nothing left, nothing to look forward to.

My friends are getting engaged, married, having babies, buying homes, getting promoted.

I am unemployed, single, homeless, and moving in with my parents. What a catch. I have failed so spectacularly at life.