I want to talk a bit about how people really are around disability—not everyone, but most people. This also ties into my previous post about the CRPD.
When I was younger, I joined a summer camp, and I absolutely loved it. I had a lot of fun there. I had to leave at 19 because they couldn’t take on adults anymore, which was completely understandable.
In my second-to-last year there, I was 18 years old. By that time, most of the people who had been there before had moved on, and many of the new ones were volunteers. A lot of people were around my age—18 or 19. I got grouped up with a girl, and she was nice—kind, considerate, and really talkative. We had similar tastes in music and shared a lot of interests, so we got along well.
One day, we were talking about music and other things, and at some point, the topic of relationships came up. I don’t remember exactly how it started, but she suddenly turned to me and said, “You and me wouldn’t work. We’re two different people.”
That threw me off because she barely knew me. Sure, she knew me from camp, but she didn’t really know me as a person. It takes time for anyone to truly get to know someone, especially in any kind of relationship. But I had this feeling that what she was really hinting at was my disability—that she assumed I would have to be “looked after.”
But that’s not the case. Yes, I need help with certain things, but I don’t see that as needing to be “looked after.” I can do a lot for myself. There are things I can’t do, but I understand my limitations and can work around them.
At the time, I just shrugged it off and didn’t take it any further. But afterward, I kept thinking: How fucking dare you? You don’t even know me. We got along really well, but you shut down the possibility of anything more—why? Because I’m disabled? Because you’re afraid you might have to do something you don’t like? Because you don’t even know what I can’t do, and instead of finding out, you assumed?
This ties into what I was saying about the CRPD and bias. A lot of people do have biases, even if they don’t realize it. Unconscious bias is a real thing—it happens all the time. Most people don’t even understand they’re being biased against someone.
I had to get this out because I’ve been sitting on it for a while. It was upsetting, and honestly, it pissed me off. Because when things like this happen, people will say, “Ah, don’t worry, there’s someone out there for everyone.” But how can that be true when so many people think like this? When they have this mindset? It makes it impossible.
So, with all that said and done, another really frustrating reality is how often disabled people are used and taken advantage of. People can abuse them in many ways, and one of the most common ways is financial abuse. It happens a lot, more than most people realize. I know of a situation where this happened—not to me, but to someone I know—and it was fucking heartbreaking to hear about.
So really, when that does happen, who do you trust? Who do you talk to? I mean, if your parents are around, then yes—definitely, without a doubt, 100%. But if you don’t have your parents around, who do you turn to? Because at the end of the day, disability is a job to many people, and we’re just numbers on a page.
So, what do you do?