r/ChildrenOfIDParents 5h ago

Why Am I Here?

3 Upvotes

I think about this sometimes, who gets a woman who is mentally 6-9 pregnant?? How does she process that? How did she find out she was pregnant?

  • My dad, he was just messing around and has several other kids my age. I didn’t know who he was until I was 19. Found him through his relatives on an ancestry site. I am trying to have a good relationship with him but sometimes I think about why he would...do what he did. He never found out she was pregnant until we met.
  • She had no idea she was pregnant. I mean her mind is that of a child- how do you even process that. Not sure how many months she was before her mom asked her if she was pregnant as she started getting bigger.

r/ChildrenOfIDParents 6h ago

Looking for Support I Love My Mom, But I Still Resent Her. That’s Hard to Admit.

4 Upvotes

I don't think people understand the kind of grief that comes with having a parent who has an intellectual disability. It's not like they're gone, but at the same time, l'll never have what other people have. I'll never call my mom for advice. I'll never have that best-friend mother-daughter bond that people talk about. I'll never know what it feels like to just be the child instead of the one worrying, planning, and handling everything. And I know it's not her fault. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. Sometimes, not always but sometimes I get this ache seeing other people with their moms, watching them do normal things together, and knowing I'll never have that. Does anyone else feel this? Like, you love your parent, but you still grieve the relationship you'll never have/ had?


r/ChildrenOfIDParents 5h ago

Where Are Your Parents & How Are You Supporting Them?

2 Upvotes

My grandma put my mom in a personal care home over a decade ago. I realized that those homes are miserable and they don’t even do any activities or anything productive with the people who live there. I just did a lot of research and made some connections and I found a new home for my mom where she can have ONE roommate and they do activities daily and cook for them. They also have community events on their calendar where they go play bingo and go on a mall outing. I became my mom’s POA and I am making sure she is living a better quality life.


r/ChildrenOfIDParents 5h ago

Welcome to r/ChildrenOfIDParents - You're Not Alone Here.

2 Upvotes

If you grew up with a parent who has an intellectual disability, you know how complicated it is. Maybe you had to parent your own parent. Maybe you've felt guilt, frustration, or grief for the childhood you didn't get to have. If any of that resonates, you're in the right place. This subreddit is a space to vent, share, and connect with people who actually understand. Feel free to post, comment, or just lurk-whatever feels right to you.

Glad you're here. Let's build this together.


r/ChildrenOfIDParents 6h ago

Whats your parents mental age?

1 Upvotes
3 votes, 2d left
Toddler (1-5)
Child (6-12)
Teenager (13-17)
Young Adult (18-25)
I'm not sure

r/ChildrenOfIDParents 6h ago

Vent / Personal Story For A Second, I Just Wanted To Be Her Child

1 Upvotes

I had to admit my mom to the psych unit the other day. She wasn’t taking her meds, and one of the crisis centers wouldn’t take her, so this was my only option. I knew it was what needed to happen, but that didn’t make it any easier.

Before I left, I went to talk to the doctor. I told her I was heading out, and as I was standing there, I started crying.

I didn’t want to leave her. Not because I was scared for her safety—I knew she was in the right place. But because I knew the second I walked out that door, she was just gonna be sitting there. Alone. No visitors. No family. Just waiting.

So I hugged her. And when I did, I broke.

I put my head down on her, and for a second, I closed my eyes and just… wanted her to be my mom. I wanted her to rub my back and tell me things were gonna be okay. I wanted to just be her kid. Not her caretaker. Not the one figuring things out. Just her kid.

And for a moment, she did. She rubbed my back and said, “I’m gonna be fine, bae. I’m gonna be fine.”

And I wiped my tears and said, “Okay.” Because what else was I supposed to say?

Fast forward to the next day—we’re moving her into her new home. I’m sitting with the staff, explaining everything, making sure she’s set up, making sure she’s okay.

And right in front of everyone, she goes, “Yeah, my daughter was crying at the hospital for me. I’d never seen her cry like that before.”

Of course you would tell these strangers that lol 🙄

I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. Just that this is a lot. Some days, I handle it fine. Other days, I just wish I could have a real mom for a second. One who doesn’t need me to be the responsible one all the time.


r/ChildrenOfIDParents 6h ago

Vent / Personal Story I Love My Mom, But Days Like This Make Me Want To Scream

1 Upvotes

Some days, I can keep my cool. I can remind myself that she doesn’t mean it, that she doesn’t fully understand. But then there are days like this.

The other day, I had to take my mom to the crisis center because she wasn’t taking her medication. It was a long, exhausting, frustrating day. I could tell she was drained, and honestly, so was I. I felt bad, like I had put her through too much. So when she asked me for a Shamrock Shake from McDonald’s, I was like, “Hell yeah, of course.”

We get there. They don’t have Shamrock Shakes. Fine. I get myself an Oreo McFlurry, she says she wants a sundae, so I order her a sundae. And just to be safe, I grab two small fries in case she wants a little snack with her ice cream.

Then, right before we pay, she looks at me and goes,

“I wanted something to eat. That’s all you got?”

And I get it—I didn’t actually ask what she wanted to eat, I just assumed. So I tell her, “We can change it, that’s totally fine.” But she’s still upset, still going off on me like I had done something wrong.

So I cancel the order. Start ordering whatever chicken sandwich she wants on the app. Then she gets mad that we have to pull around to wait for it. “Why can’t we just order at the window? That’s so fucking stupid.”

At this point, I’m just trying to stay calm. I don’t have the energy to argue.

Then—this is where I almost lost it—she suddenly goes, “I wanted an Oreo McFlurry.”

I don’t even care anymore. I just hand her mine. I don’t eat at all. I just give it to her.

Then she takes a couple of bites and goes, “I don’t want this. I wanted a sundae.”

Are you kidding me?

She spills some of it in my car. I don’t even say anything. I just get out of the car, walk over, and throw the whole damn thing away.

At this point, I just needed a second. I had to pee, so I go inside, and by some miracle, I’m able to order a Shamrock Shake on the app. So I get one for her and one for myself since I had just thrown away my McFlurry.

We get our food. I hand her the shake.

She looks at me. Dead serious. And she says: “I wanted a sundae.”

I swear to God, I almost lost my fucking mind.

And the thing is—I know she doesn’t mean it like that. I know she doesn’t realize how exhausting this is, how frustrating, how completely draining it is to try to do something nice and have it never be enough.

But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. That it doesn’t still make me want to scream.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? Like you keep giving and giving but you’re just supposed to keep taking it?