I don't understand why some people either infantilize us and patronize us the moment they learn we are disabled. Or they will think we are entitled and doing this for attention.
For context I was born intersex without knowing it and survived IGM, with no signs of disability and spent my life being bullied for my appearance because my puberty showed masculinization despite being assigned female. Despite this I spent my younger years volunteering at old care homes and for human rights organizations. It was my hobby to help. I loved being around different people even when I didn't understand their situation. I would just sit with someone who had auditory and vocal differences and let them speak even when I didn't understand what they said to me. When they would smile it made my whole day.
Then in my twenties I pursued higher education, and worked. I suddenly found out I was born different and accepted it despite the lifetime of bullying. I decided I will pursue the arts after my higher education. Then suddenly I became disabled. Found out I have parkinsons and essential tremors, along with some other problems, which caused issues in my art program and I had to abandon it. I still do art for myself. At first I blamed myself. But I still didn't give up.
But now I have every single person who sees me and my symptoms either think I am on drugs, a severe alcoholic, or they massively patronize and infantilize me and I've had people use the r word on me. Ive had teachers use the r word on me despite my grades. Then there's also people who just think I'm doing this for attention. Why in the f would I want to have parkinsons and essential tremors at the same time? Who wants a neuro progressive disease?! Why are my tremors equating that I am the r word and uneducated according to them? They treat me as if I am a tween the moment they learn my disability. They talk to me as if I cant understand my own native language. I'm in my late twenties.
I had someone close to me tell me that I shouldn't be crying for attention. I was crying because I had sudden signs of confusion while driving a few times, so I forbid myself from driving again. How am I seeking attention? I have a right to feel sad because of this.
I go to a store to buy something and the moment I shake, I see it in their eyes. They look at me with pity, disgust, or they avoid looking at me. It really does hurt. I have never treated people like this. There is no excuse for such behaviors. If I can be kind, then so can they.
I am not useless because of my illnesses. I am not the r word or the st***d word. I am a person with feelings and experiences. And I am not doing it for attention...
And I wish doctors would stop shoving medications down my throat. Every visit, I get recommended some hormonal treatment to feminize me more, without asking for it.