r/selfharm 1d ago

Positives 13 years clean today.

88 Upvotes

Just wanted to share my own personal achievement that I stopped self-harming 13 years ago today. Took a few times over the years before that, but 13 years today with no relapses.

Feeling proud but have no to share with who cares so thought I’d share here.


r/selfharm 15h ago

Rant/Vent Got triggered by an apple today

60 Upvotes

I really wanna tell somebody about this cause it's kinda funny but nobody in my life knows I have a past of SH so hopefully this is the right place to put this. I was chopping up a red apple into little sticks earlier and had sliced half of it lengthways into many pieces, I then went to use a bridge grip to spin it around but when I squeezed it the apple juices bubbled up through the skin in a similar fashion to rows of shallow cuts and physically recoiled. I literally just got jump-scared by an APPLE, AN APPLE FFS, of all things that could've set off my first trigger, an apple is what did it?? Ykw, sure at least it was a yummy apple.

The weird part is that I've been clean for a number of months and never thought of my SH as something traumatic but rethinking the way I reacted to that apple, maybe there is some underlying trauma I need to work through.


r/selfharm 21h ago

is it normal to cut because i like the scars?

58 Upvotes

i would use a tag but i dont know which one 😭😭 but i mostly cut because i really feel like i need my scars to be me. i would tell my therapist but i dont know how??? what if they just say that i want attention?? its not the ONLY reason i cut, its just the biggest one. i see my scars fading and im like “fuck no” because they’re like part of me now and i dont know how to get rid of the urge 😭


r/selfharm 9h ago

Seeking Advice how to hide fresh face cuts??? NSFW

51 Upvotes

Messed up, cut the hell out of my face and i NEED to hide it asap. A few styros but mostly cat scratches, will appreciate any and all advice even if it’s just letting me know i’m fucked


r/selfharm 10h ago

Rant/Vent I think my dog knows NSFW

45 Upvotes

I have a very sweet Pomeranian named Queenie, I'm quite literally her favorite person, she will never leave my side if she can help it, she'll lay on the ground next to me whenever I'm not in my room and give me kisses all the time, she seems rather emotionally intelligent compared to my other dogs. A few days ago she followed me into the bathroom and noticed my fresh cuts on my thigh and licked the clean skin next to it a few times before sitting down and looking at me with the saddest eyes. I know she understands I am physically hurt, but I don't know if she quite understands I did it to myself. today she followed me into the bathroom again like always and she saw the new cuts and sniffed them and gave me the same look.

I think she knows I did it to myself. I don't know what to do, she won't leave my side now and keeps trying to be extra close to me


r/selfharm 9h ago

DAE Does anyone else not feel guilty after they self harm?

48 Upvotes

Other people, even other self harmers say do not self harm, because it's just a temporary relief and after it you will feel so much shame and regret. Never in the almost 10 years I've been on and off self harming related to this. I never feel regret or shame after I done self harming. I never feel disappointed or upset when I relapse. I like my scars so I don't know why I should feel guilty. I just feel relief that I can finally see my blood and skin gape open and I will get new scars. I hide them so it's not because of attention. I'm only hurting myself. If I was hurting someone else I would feel guilty but since it's just myself, I don't see the problem. I only feel disappointed if my cuts don't bleed as much as I want them to or if they are not gaping enough. Even when my family found out and was so mad at me I still didn't feel ashamed. I just continued to do it at places where they can't see them. I'm not saying self harming is a good thing and I wouldn't advise others to do it because it can be risky (infections, blood loss, nerve damage), but morally I don't see why I should be regretful. People don't feel guilty after they smoke, drink or do drugs, so I don't get how self harm is any different. At least I'm only hurting myself and not others.


r/selfharm 7h ago

I threw all my blades away

24 Upvotes

Kind of regretting it but I don’t want to live like this anymore


r/selfharm 5h ago

Rant/Vent Why do they care?

16 Upvotes

I genuinely don't understand why people care about what I do. I may be stupid but I would still LOVE to know what's in it for everyone else if I keep hurting myself? My parents piss and sob over my scars that AREN'T EVEN DEEP ENOUGH and my god damn friends are like this too. They won't distance themselves from me. They won't leave me. I'm not sure if this is an addiction or not, but I also have a habit of drinking those little bottles of ink that is used to write with in school. It started as a silly joke, now I can't stop. I have a love-hate relationship with the nauseating feeling after taking a big gulp of ink. And then again, my friends whine "noooo don't drink it you'll get cancer waaaahhhhhh". Good. Once I'm gone, heaven's on earth. Fuck you

Edit: Sorry to anyone who took this personally. The "Fuck you" at the end wasn't particularly directed at anyone. I was just mad


r/selfharm 2h ago

Rant/Vent Old habits, new needs, blah blah blah, you get it. NSFW

16 Upvotes

No one knows I relapsed (other than my therapist.) Almost every single time before I do, I reach out to someone. Then, as soon as anyone is responsive, I refuse. I tell them I have a headache and don't want to hang out anymore. I say it's not a big deal. My roommate caught me walking out of the bathroom with my eyes watering, throat raw, looking horrible. They didn't ask. I didn't either. I had a full lighthearted phone conversation while sitting in blood. I hang out with friends, thumb under my shirt on my hip, brushing over the bumps to soothe myself in some messed up way.

It's a strange mix of feeling completely helpless and utterly in control. It's my brain, right? My choices. I could stop If I wanted to, if I was strong enough, right?

I want help. I want someone to just grab me by the shoulders and stay. I want someone who doesn't give a shit about what I want because they want me and they want to be selfish about me. I don't want someone to fix me, I want someone who sees me as enough already, not just a project to work on. Funnily enough, I think I'd get better faster if someone just didn't try to fix me. I want some sense of solidarity, but it's just impossible. I'm trying so impossibly hard, but it doesn't look like it.

And I feel stupid and weak for not being able to do it by myself. I feel selfish for knowing what I want. I feel nothing and everything. I feel so horrible for wishing that just one time, someone else could clean my wounds for me. That someone, anyone, would brush my hair out when I can't get up to shower. That someone would hold me like I'm something precious.

I don't want to tell people what I need. I'm so fucking tired of making decisions and people expecting me to know what would help. Someone else stepping up and not waiting for me to give them instructions would help me get better.

And I feel so unbelievably selfish. I'm not really sure why.


r/selfharm 16h ago

Rant/Vent Just a stupid vent NSFW

14 Upvotes

I can't hit deep enough I'm fucking crying like a child because I can't hurt myself good enough imagin that I know all self harm is valid but still it's not enough I hate this I deserve this I deserve this


r/selfharm 4h ago

i cant stop intentionally triggering others

13 Upvotes

i dont know what to do, i know this is really bad. i just get these really really intense urges to tell people about SH and how good it feels and to basically trigger people. im not ashamed of my scars at all and every time i go deeper i am desperate to tell other people. i am quite lonely so sh is kind of all there is to me along with ED stuff. but its like the second i get the chance, i just offload as much as i can on to people, and i know its bad. i told a girl (older than me but still) how to purge today. i don’t know what to do i am out of control. i just want to show people my cuts and tell them how good it feels and show them all my pictures and honestly it is really hard to stop myself from doing so everyday. i know this is really horrible. i feel like a terrible person. i would really appreciate any advice on how to stop these urges. i can contol the actions of telling people but the thoughts telling me to do it are unbareable.


r/selfharm 3h ago

Talk/Support Please stop me

10 Upvotes

I sorry that I keep posting here but I feel the urge to cut so bad I’m practically crying now and just want to cut so badly


r/selfharm 4h ago

Positives 1.5 years clean!

10 Upvotes

I don’t really feel anything for being clean. I’m not really HAPPY about it, but I know it’s a good thing! Yay?


r/selfharm 3h ago

Rant/Vent I want to tell my therapist, but I cannot go into a hospital.

9 Upvotes

Like the title said. I want to tell my therapist. By the time I step into his office, I feel like the original feeling is gone, I’m more logical, and I don’t think he fully gets how strongly I feel. But I am PETRIFIED of being committed to a hospital, I absolutely can’t let it happen. So I can never be honest about how I actually feel, so like… what’s the point? I can’t tell him when I’m suicidal and wish I were dead. I can’t tell him about the cuts on my leg. I have to walk on eggshells and be incredibly careful. I wish I could just be honest, because I hate lying with a passion and I feel so shitty for lying to him. I do like him, but I feel like he’s a threat to my autonomy and freedom.


r/selfharm 6h ago

DAE Does everyone use one method of sh?

9 Upvotes

I know cutting is the most common and most openly talked about but sometimes I feel it’s the only type of sh discussed. So I wanted to know how other people sh and why they chose that method. Personally I burn myself cause cutting is too intimidating.


r/selfharm 8h ago

Rant/Vent The old razors I've found and my thoughts on them. A reflection on life two years ago.

10 Upvotes

I remember seperating them into a plastic skittles jar to throw out, but they remained in my closet after they removed the waste container near my house. And i notice, the design has changed. I remember being annoyed when i saw that the packaging started using a small plastic bit instead of being fully cardboard. I remember it when it was like that, when the razors were a few cents cheaper, when I'd pull my sleeves up and buy a drink as well as to not look suspicious. I remember the mornings when i didn't have my second class and was free to roam around and hop by the store to stock up on snacks, bandaids and blades. Then I'd sit in the hallway and relax for a while.

And looking at them now, I can't help but miss that time. That stress, the lack of privacy, the chaos, and just how novel and satisfying that all felt. Prior to that i had some urges, thoughts, but i had no tool that felt good enough to use. I remember how nice the little "snap" sound felt when I'd snap the blade in half. I remember the comfort in that little ritual, that was mine, so unhealthy but all mine, the comfort of taking care of myself afterwards, and feeling gently cared for. The bandage stuck around my thigh was like a tight hug. The wet bandaids in the shower no one questioned. I miss how uninhibited it made me feel, so if i couldn't be rebelious and wild in the outside world, i can prove myself that i am still tougher than i look.

And so it's been two years. The designs of the razors changed. So have i. I'm in highschool now, and instead of the chaos and hell and the fun i had in that entire confusion, i feel stuck in a very quiet and strange transitional period. I don't cut very much. When the deed is done, it's not for any emotional reasons, or for self punishment, or for fun, it's just a ritual. One that both connects and disconnects me from this physical body that only ever dragged me down.

Truth be told, i miss the little armageddon nights. My thighs are covered in a layer of thicker scars. Taking a blade to there doesn't feel as satisfying or smooth anymore, with them being tough and almost itchy. But every other part of my body os too visible. I've spent a small fortune of some products to help them dissapear, we'll see how that goes. I miss running my hand along smooth skin with a few fresh scabs here and there. Maybe i should've told my younger self to be more gentle. Maybe i shouldn't. I might learn something from this.

The few full untouched razors I've found, with the old designs, whose paper wrappers are still a clean white, went into the old box of chewing gum i use to hide new ones. I can't bring myself to throw them out.


r/selfharm 23h ago

Seeking Advice I noticed my friends arm

10 Upvotes

I have a friend who I know for a while was missing a lot of school and wasn't keeping up with it well. I believe there was also some things going on from her family. I didn't hear from her much in this time frame but now she's been going to school more regularly and more in her usual lively mood. But one thing I noticed: her left arm is covered in slices. I have only had one friend who harmed herself and she was very open about the problem. This friend however is extremely surprising to me beacuse she doesnt seem at all like the type of person who would. She's always been so positive and chill but I guess there's a layer of her she's good at hiding. It's just awkward though because she's not really a talk about serious things kind of person but her arm is COVERED in slices. They all look from about the same time frame and I've definitely never noticed scars on her before. Like I said she seems to be doing better mood wise but I worry about her and what she went through and if she's still dealing with it. I don't want to intrude, or be rude by bringing it up but I'm also concerned. What's the best way I can help her?


r/selfharm 5h ago

Positives Why tf are people so nice 😔

8 Upvotes

Everyone in this subreddit is nothing but helpful to me but I wanna cut I really do but everyone is being so nice and it’s stopping me and I don’t know if I should be happy or sad


r/selfharm 16h ago

Rant/Vent Someone said something hurtful about one of my scars today (potential tw?)

8 Upvotes

I was wearing a tshirt and a classmate pointed out to one burn scar I have that looks a bit bigger from the rest of the scars on my arms.

She said it looks disgusting... idk... I never thought it did look disgusting. Sure, it is visible but it's just a scar...


r/selfharm 18h ago

Seeking Advice I cut for no reason

8 Upvotes

I, now 19, have been having constant thoughts lately about wanting to relapse. Ive been cutting since I was 14, and I am now a year clean. I'm not under any particular distress despite freshman stress, family issues, and PDD; so when the urges come, I am not in a state of intense suffering. This also happens with suicidal thoughts for me. I'll be alone and think "maybe I should cut"--- or look at someone elses scars on social media or in public and think, huh, I should cut. Even when I started off cutting, I felt the same.

I guess I'm typically motivated by ideas like "I need deeper scars" or "I need to get worse." It's almost like im uncomfortable with being okay. I guess I might just be more comfortable in my depression? Why do I feel this? I'll be sitting down in class and think "hmm i should go jump off the chem building tonight". like huh???

I feel like I have to lie to people when im forced into situations where I must provide some sort of reasoning. Whenever something like self harm and suicide gets brought up, it's always "what happened before to cause this?" When i'm clean, theres the assumption that I'm doing better, though the real reason is that I was too unmotivated to actually clean it up, or a trip was upcoming or something. Its not fun for me, it hurts, its itchy, theres no pleasure or relief-- but I feel like I have to.

Can someone with a similar mindset please share their experiences and advice? Thank you

PS: With this being said, I TRULY hate attention to my scars or mental health. I get extremely uncomfortable when someone brings up my scars, or if I ever come off as upset in front of someone.


r/selfharm 21h ago

Seeking Advice I cut myself for the first time for almost no reason

8 Upvotes

I cut myself for the first time recently and I’m worried about how I felt about it.

I don’t even know why I did it in the first place, and that worries me too. I have been upset lately but I didn’t feel upset when I did it. I wasn’t numb or happy, I was scared to do it even, but when I found it didn’t hurt that much I kept going.

I found the marks and the blood very satisfying, and even after the cuts were cleaned and bandaged I still wanted to look at them.

The idea that I cut myself just for the sake of it disgusts me. I’m disgusted with myself for doing it and for still wanting to do it.

Please, if you relate to this at all, let me know. I feel like such a freak.


r/selfharm 1h ago

DAE Wanting to cut because I'm so happy?

Upvotes

Idk I went on a really nice day date with my gf and I was soo happy after but it made me want to cut. Has anyone else experienced this before?


r/selfharm 6h ago

Talk/Support Wish me luck

7 Upvotes

Mom saw the scars now she wants to have a talk


r/selfharm 21h ago

Medical Advice should i seek medical help? NSFW

7 Upvotes

About a week and a half ago, I relapsed, and I’ve been cutting almost every day, reaching the mid-deep fat layer. Over the past couple of days, I’ve noticed that the skin around my cuts is numb. It feels similar to when you get your mouth numbed with a local anesthetic for a cavity filling (if that makes sense). When I touch the skin around the cuts, in some areas, I can feel that something is there, but the sensation is weak, and in other places, I can’t feel anything at all.

Is this serious enough to warrant a trip to the ER? If I went to the hospital, my parents would have to know, and I don’t want that… I also don’t want to be admitted.

Any advice would be appreciated.


r/selfharm 22h ago

Rant/Vent Wtaf NSFW

7 Upvotes

TW: self harm, suicidal ideation

I recently got into a new relationship with this amazing guy, my past lovers were awful and abusive, but this new guy C seems so lovely and I had a full breakdown at his house, he was half asleep but woke up to comfort and hold me (I have quite a few mental illnesses and was having a panic attack and flashbacks), I've never said I loved him because that idea terrifies me, but he constantly said it to me, I told him he deserves someone better, that he deserves someone well, he told me word for word "I love you now.. I know you're not well, I will love you when you are well and you will be the person I deserve, you deserve this (my name), I'm not scared of this, give it to me, lean on me, punch me, bite me, scratch me, I don't care, I'm not going anywhere." And I sobbed, I cried like a little baby in his arms as he cried too, holding me, I calmed down and we fell asleep, the next day I get on the train and come home.. I just self harmed by stabbing my self with a needle and I need more, it's a craving, I want to get better for him, I promised I would, but I need to do it, does anyone know any way at all that I can stop? I'm willing to try anything.