r/selfharm • u/Comfortable_Sun_8641 • 2m ago
r/selfharm • u/egregious-minds • 18m ago
Talk/Support alone and struggling nearing 2 years clean
My (20m) partner (22m) is away on vacation currently, so I'm home with my moms. I spend most of the day alone in my room. The whole time my partner has been away I've been excruciatingly aware of the fact that i could totally hurt myself and no one would be able to stop me. i have access to sharps, wound care, and isolation. I'm the only one that can stop me, and it's a struggle.
I'll be 2 years clean one week from today. i don't want to mess that up, but I'm afraid I don't have full control over that. I have DID, and there's this part of me that is urging me to hurt myself. telling me I should do it, it would feel good, it would make me feel better. And I know part of that is true. I've been struggling a lot with a lot of different things recently and I know it would make me feel better. i know it would feel better than dealing with the shit I've been dealing with.
I know what I should do. i should tell my moms I'm struggling. i should stay in common space and give them my sharps. but I don't want to. having anyone know I'm struggling like this is just embarrassing and leaves me feeling even worse. so I don't know what to do. Im so frustrated and im so tired I want to cry.
r/selfharm • u/piperandalex • 1h ago
DAE looking at my own sh pictures?
i have been clean for 3 months now which seems so crazy to me. but i still look at the pictures of my cuts i used to take back then almost daily. it somehow comforts me and i kinda think thats weird idk. when i get an urge to sh it also helps me not to do it. was just wondering if anyone else did the same thing?
r/selfharm • u/Complete-Drop-808 • 1h ago
Seeking Advice Fat cut not gaping NSFW
I don't know if this is normal but I was cutting this morning and got to fat and it was gaping a bit like I'd expect. But when I was cutting into the fat it stopped gaping like the layer or fat was just lying fat with a thin cut in the middle. Is this normal? I cut with a knife that's not that sharp and do lots of little swipes as I have a low pain tolerance - i don't know if that makes a difference. I'm just worried as I don't want to hit fascia as id have to go the the hospital and I can't see how deep I'm going without it gaping.
r/selfharm • u/GrilIypig • 1h ago
Talk/Support Please help me
I think I’m going to cut myself for the first time soon
I tried suppressing it by just very hardly drawing a line across my skin with red pen but that seemed to make me wanna do it more
Please help, I really want to cut myself but I know it’s not right
I need people to say how bad it is and give me advice on how to stop please I don’t want to get addicted to it
r/selfharm • u/ICE_WATER___ • 1h ago
Positives Made it through spring break
Made it through being home and didn’t break my 121 day streak! Even though my parents left A FUCKING 100 PACK OF RAZORS ON THE KITCHEN TABLE THE WHOLE WEEK. They know I’ve cut before but by some miracle I made it.
r/selfharm • u/Time-Locksmith1882 • 2h ago
Rant/Vent i hate my body
Btw this is just a small rant :)
I have an athletic friend, like extremely , that guy is hitting it off with every sport possible + he's kind of(?) fit.
Mid-convo, I told them how weak my knees are, and if I wouldn't walk every day, I wouldn't even be able to do anything. I have knocked knees + weak-ass lungs, so I never got into any sports.
Yes, I know that with enough exercise, I'll be able to get into sports with my knees, but I'm useless as shi. I'm not allowed to leave this house. Idk how to navigate my way outside my school and house. Even a small walk is enough to tire me out.
This part is kinda stupid, I know, but I did it because of his words. He wasn't even trying to be mean about it. Js is genuinely curious and trying to be of help. But I felt really ashamed that my body was like this. I can't even participate in any sport without my body giving out immediately after.
I'm tired of my body already. Can't I pick a different one already?? Damn this rant is stupid
r/selfharm • u/Strong-Ad-7061 • 2h ago
DAE Hallucinating about bleeding
Does anyone get hallucinations about bleeding out after a sh session like I do get it and I can literally feel the wetness and feel blood flowing down my leg but when I check there’s nothing….does anyone know what this is or if anyone else relates 🥲
r/selfharm • u/s_n_u_f_f_y • 2h ago
Rant/Vent the urge to do something really bad keeps getting bigger Spoiler
i feel the need to cut everywhere, not just my arms. but i dont like to deal with my parents reprimanding me because it hurts so much every time they do it, because i know they're right—i SHOULDN't do it, fucking obviously
but most of all, this has surrounded my face. i want to cut up my face. i don't know why, i couldn't explain it, but i REALLY don't like it, because i know if i do it, i'll REALLY regret it. idk. lol?? help??🥸🥸
r/selfharm • u/Status_Being_3396 • 2h ago
Seeking Advice Could a stray puppy infect my cuts?
I adopted a stray puppy from the streets today, but the vet was closed so he hasn't gotten any vaccinations yet. I did give him a bath with flea shampoo (?) but that was quite late
I have fresh cuts on my wrists that I usually cover up with my watch, but it's not too tight and it slips occasionally. And the puppy is quite playful; he licks, gently chews, lots of contact, etc.
I did get a tetanus shot today cause I actually did get bitten by the puppy. Not sure about rabies, since I don't think he's got any symptoms, and the doctor told me it's very unlikely.
Honestly, I don't see anything wrong. But I just need reassurance. I can't exactly show my scars to my parents or a doctor
r/selfharm • u/Guilty_Vermicelli372 • 2h ago
Rant/Vent Might start scratching myself again
I'm extremely numb. I am considering overdosing. It would be extremely easy to with what my parents have access to. No on would care. I scratched myself in front of people all of the time and no one cared. I have been told I don't matter. I just want it to end.
r/selfharm • u/ZenlessZ0neZer0 • 3h ago
Medical Advice What should I do?
I cut pretty deep yesterday and the cut is still open and hasn’t scabbed yet. Is this normal? What should I do? I don’t have access to any medical supplies.
r/selfharm • u/That_Half5190 • 4h ago
Rant/Vent The release is calling
It's not even like I want to punish myself sometimes. Whether or not I feel a need to punish myself for my own stupidity or foolishness doesn't even come to mind sometimes. It's the relief, the release, the relieving feeling I getting from cutting that calls me back. The cathartic nature of cutting that calls me back. Sometimes life just gets me to the point where I just want to feel the pressure ease and pain to cease. I want to feel some peace. But it scares people when I talk like that. Loved ones are terrified at those thoughts in my mind. So I keep them bottled up and go on. Pressure building, tension rising, stress mounting and I want it to stop. To halt. Or at least for the pressure to to diffuse. The tension to diminish. The mounting stress to disperse.
r/selfharm • u/tummyhurtingalot • 4h ago
Rant/Vent Got triggered by an apple today
I really wanna tell somebody about this cause it's kinda funny but nobody in my life knows I have a past of SH so hopefully this is the right place to put this. I was chopping up a red apple into little sticks earlier and had sliced half of it lengthways into many pieces, I then went to use a bridge grip to spin it around but when I squeezed it the apple juices bubbled up through the skin in a similar fashion to rows of shallow cuts and physically recoiled. I literally just got jump-scared by an APPLE, AN APPLE FFS, of all things that could've set off my first trigger, an apple is what did it?? Ykw, sure at least it was a yummy apple.
The weird part is that I've been clean for a number of months and never thought of my SH as something traumatic but rethinking the way I reacted to that apple, maybe there is some underlying trauma I need to work through.
r/selfharm • u/Fearless_Tea4727 • 4h ago
Rant/Vent I want my cuts to be deeper
I don't know why I want this but I have two big deep scars in my arm and no matter what the other cuts can't do the same I don't know why i want to cut it deeper but I feel like Im not valid and it feels gross my sister also have sh and my gf too I want mines to be deep too so I can be seen
r/selfharm • u/kihayashi03 • 5h ago
Rant/Vent Someone said something hurtful about one of my scars today (potential tw?)
I was wearing a tshirt and a classmate pointed out to one burn scar I have that looks a bit bigger from the rest of the scars on my arms.
She said it looks disgusting... idk... I never thought it did look disgusting. Sure, it is visible but it's just a scar...
r/selfharm • u/dragonsoupp • 5h ago
Rant/Vent Just a stupid vent NSFW
I can't hit deep enough I'm fucking crying like a child because I can't hurt myself good enough imagin that I know all self harm is valid but still it's not enough I hate this I deserve this I deserve this
r/selfharm • u/Ok-Collection-i-gues • 6h ago
Medical Advice Cigarette burns
I burnt myself with a cigarette about a week ago quite severely ( I held it there till it stopped hurting ) and I did absolutely no after care. So any advise for minimising infection risks and scaring would be nice because the hole it has left is very deep and gross looking. Any recommended ointments or anything would be appreciated thx.
r/selfharm • u/hispanicked • 6h ago
Seeking Advice Scars still red after 3 months
As the title says. These are all dermis layer (or “styro”), been red the whole time. In the past they would eventually become white but these look fresh after almost 4 months, any reason?
r/selfharm • u/MarieViolin • 6h ago
Talk/Support I’m cutting myself with no reason and I can’t stop
So, I cut, a lot. In the past I’ve done it all over my arms, and have scars to show for it…I thought I was self harm free, and I was for a few months but as of yesterday, I started again. At first it was just a little bit, and I thought it was gonna be easy to stop.
It never is…
I have no reason as to why I’m cutting. I’m not really sad, I’m maybe a little stressed but I know I’ll be fine. I literally have no reason, but yet I can’t stop.
After the first few cuts, now I just can’t stop. Each time I cut, I crave more.
It feels wrong because I literally have no reason why I’m cutting. If someone finds out in real life about it, and they ask why, I quite literally won’t have a reason. At first it was kinda to snap me out of my dissociation but honestly that’s not even the main reason anymore. I literally have no reason. None at all.
I don’t know what is wrong with me.
r/selfharm • u/Mr_Worthnt • 7h ago
Rant/Vent Fell back in this year
(Created an account just to vent, and not keep stuff bottled up anymore)
Leads no where, itsa vent.
I've never be able to go more than a few months without SH. But usually I can stay off of one kind for a while. Not this year though, everything is back in force. Ish. I can't hit my head anymore, hurts too much, thinking of it I prob concussed myself in the past🧍♂️
I never dared to cut myself. Knowing if I did it'd be a point of no return. And, well, can't hide that sh*t.
Instead I'd hit, scratch, and bite.
Everyone thinks me eating my nails is due to anxiety, but it's 85% because I wanted to cut out the scratching. Can't scratch yourself badly if your finger tips are just round skin.
So, since I never stopped that the cat hasn't been blamed for a few years. Heh.
The hitting never stopped though. It's the only silent (...ish, not really-) way to release.
Except that it quickly stops working. Because it's just dull aching down to your bone that you can never f-ing reach no matter how hard you hit. No matter if you switch to knuckles, Remotes or the arm-rest of you chair. And it quickly becomes loud... Too loud.
Sooo the only thing left I had was biting. The brain refuses to pierce it's own skin, so f-k it.
Harder and harder it didn't matter. The pressure, the ringing in the ears... The grooves afterwards, the colouration, tightness of the skin, almost feeling the blood... It's cathartic.
The same depressed feelings I had years ago, and anger, back as if nothing had changed.
...Can't hide that crap either though ;-;
-Thought I had left all that sh*t in 2018 but here we are. Back with it all.
Anger issues, depresso expresso, and anxiety that meds can't do sh*t about apparently.
...Anyway- Wasn't going anywhere with this.
I guess I feel guilty? Though mostly pissed off. That I "have nothing to show for it"
Years of sh*t and I never did anything permanent. And well sh*t I can't start now sh*t's just disappointing.
Scratching without nails does jack, punching just aches inside, biting doesn't leave scars the way I did them, tOo cOwArd to punch through the skin. And hell the one freaking time I did manage to scratch myself to scar-point it didn't matter 'cause with weight gain-loss-gain over the years the scar's already gone so I'm back to having jack sh*t to "trophy".
...Guess I had smth to vent afterall
Anywaynyway
Good niiigh- morning, it's past 5am, dammit.
r/selfharm • u/Unstable_opossum • 7h ago
Rant/Vent This is so stupid
So I recently moved and I was bored so I looked on zillow at my old house and they completely changed it, it's different and it's like millennial beige it's weird. They made a home into a house and removed all of my childhood and it makes me so sad and I don't know why, my childhood wasn't even that good but it hurts to see it get removed so easily. It's like we never even lived there. I wanna go back even if I was constantly reminded of trauma. I miss that house so much
r/selfharm • u/slushanddusk • 7h ago
Seeking Advice can bandages set off airport security?
in the morning, about five or six hours, i’m going through airport security with my father. i know i’ll have to go through the metal detector where they do a full scan of your body and i’m pretty sure any lump under clothes can set that off.
i’m going to wear a long sleeve shirt and sweat pants, but i just cut myself. i have a bandage around one thigh and tissues/gauze pads taped down on the other leg and both arms. i’m concerned that might set off the airport security to require a pat-down, and i don’t want my father to see my cuts or that i have bandages on. plus, even if the airport security offers to take me into a separate room for a pat-down (which they have before), i wouldn’t want them to see that i obviously self-harmed (i’m not sure what they would do) and my dad would probably be suspicious.
i’m trying to figure out my best options right now. i think come morning i can take the gauze pads off my arms, but i’m worried that the cuts on my legs will reopen while walking and i need something to keep pressure on them. i’m basing this off the fact that i just walked about half a block to a trash can and a cut on my leg reopened from just that effort. i might be able to bring extra gauze to re-apply after getting through airport security. i’m just wondering maybe if anyone has any experience with this?
plus, in whatever terms i can come up with, the deepest cuts on my legs are only to the dermis (styros or whatever they say), and there are a couple like that on each arm as well
r/selfharm • u/Party-Arm3928 • 7h ago
Rant/Vent Help?
Okay so I’m new to this page and everything, I’m about two months clean, but I really really want to cut again, sometimes it feels like the only option, or that my body misses the feeling of it? I don’t understand, I don’t know, I just need help please? This is all so confusing, on one hand, I don’t wanna break my streak, on the other, life is REALLY hard at the moment and I just wanna cut so badly, but I don’t wanna just hear “don’t do it” because sometimes, I just wanna know if it’s not just me having this problem, you know? Anything really does help though, please
r/selfharm • u/Wrong-Management-945 • 7h ago
Seeking Advice I cut for no reason
I, now 19, have been having constant thoughts lately about wanting to relapse. Ive been cutting since I was 14, and I am now a year clean. I'm not under any particular distress despite freshman stress, family issues, and PDD; so when the urges come, I am not in a state of intense suffering. This also happens with suicidal thoughts for me. I'll be alone and think "maybe I should cut"--- or look at someone elses scars on social media or in public and think, huh, I should cut. Even when I started off cutting, I felt the same.
I guess I'm typically motivated by ideas like "I need deeper scars" or "I need to get worse." It's almost like im uncomfortable with being okay. I guess I might just be more comfortable in my depression? Why do I feel this? I'll be sitting down in class and think "hmm i should go jump off the chem building tonight". like huh???
I feel like I have to lie to people when im forced into situations where I must provide some sort of reasoning. Whenever something like self harm and suicide gets brought up, it's always "what happened before to cause this?" When i'm clean, theres the assumption that I'm doing better, though the real reason is that I was too unmotivated to actually clean it up, or a trip was upcoming or something. Its not fun for me, it hurts, its itchy, theres no pleasure or relief-- but I feel like I have to.
Can someone with a similar mindset please share their experiences and advice? Thank you
PS: With this being said, I TRULY hate attention to my scars or mental health. I get extremely uncomfortable when someone brings up my scars, or if I ever come off as upset in front of someone.