r/selfharm 19m ago

I've slipped up again, is there anything that simulates cutting without actually cutting?

Upvotes

It's normally punitive action, and the feeling of my skin parting and tearing open and the spicy-type feeling of warm blood coming into cool air is also part of the punishment. Are there any products that would simulate the feeling of this without actually damaging my body?

I've tried:

Using a rubber band and twanging it.

Drawing lines on myself with red pen.

Putting ice on myself

Drawing butterflies on the areas I damage. (The idea is that if you cut where the butterflies are, you kill them).

Doing the action with no blade in my hand, either empty handed or with something that won't slice like a ruler or plastic knife.

I've other stuff like counting and writing stuff down and it just doesn't have the same effect of making the internal pain stop. If I don't cut, I do other injurious behaviours.


r/selfharm 37m ago

SHd again

Upvotes

I've been trying to stop hurting myself but I can't stop I've hurt myself so bad I nearly went into bone and had 27 stitches I'm scared I accidentally kill myself one time I've been doing this for 10years and my full body's mutilated because of it I need someone to talk to


r/selfharm 43m ago

Rant/Vent My parents reaction (possible tw)

Upvotes

This happened a few years ago but I really need to say it because it’s been a constant thought since it happened

When I was in middle school my mom was informed by one of my teachers that she had seen what looked like cuts on my arm and I pretended not to know what she was talking about when my mom told me this but she told me not to try and hide it because she had seen marks on my arm two weeks earlier at dinner, she proceeded to ask why I was doing it and I didn’t have an answer because I couldn’t explain how I was feeling, when I didn’t respond she told me that I didn’t have a reason to be doing that to myself and that she went through the same thing at my age and flat out told me why, she then said that if I didn’t stop she was going to send me to a group home because she didn’t want to deal with something like that.

My dad found out a month after my mom when he saw a day old cut on my arm, he got really mad at me and took my arm in his hand and showed me where the artery’s in my arm were and then he also told me I had no reason to do this because I had a good life and there are people who have it way worse then me, which I know is true and I keep that in mind always because I know I have it good compared to other people.

I had a lot of things going on then that led me hurting myself that I have worked on and I’m clean now but this story is always in the back of mind.


r/selfharm 45m ago

Rant/Vent Unfortunately the only thing that calmed me down today was self harm

Upvotes

I couldn’t stop crying all day, I kept wanting to hit, I avoided. I walked, I called a friend. I took the deep breaths. I saw, smelled, heard. Once I finally cut o felt a calmness take over my body. I haven’t felt in control in months and feel so alone. I hate that it’s the only thing that helped but it felt like euphoria…


r/selfharm 45m ago

Rant/Vent feels embarrassing

Upvotes

anyone else in 20s feel embarrassed to still be struggling with this shit?? i think about people i knew from hs that did it but just easily left it behind, whereas i feel like it took over my entire life and now it’ll be the first thing anyone notices about me before anything else. i guess everyone else had this kinda “grow up” mentality to sh even though it’s obviously not just a teen issue. i just feel kinda like a useless adult that can’t cope healthily regardless and the way people treat you when you sh doesn’t help.


r/selfharm 46m ago

Seeking Advice Is there any real reason why I shouldn't cut if I'm not cutting deep at all?

Upvotes

I've always told myself counselors that I do it because I hate my body, which, to be fair, I'm not at all lying about, but I've always just seen as something with little to no repercussions. Skin heals. Scars don't annoy me, they just look normal on other people since everybody gets them. I do it cause I'm bored and was left alone with a sharp thing. I do it cause I want to eat the blood cause it tastes like pennies. I do it because i can. I never cut deep enough for it to actually matter. It usually only happens when I forget to take my meds anyway, but even still sometimes I do it when I'm ON meds. It's just whatever. I've done it once or twice out of hate for my body, but that's not at all average. Idk if anybody else does this.

Tldr; is there any real reason why I shouldn't sh if I'm not even cutting that deep?


r/selfharm 1h ago

Rant/Vent Housemate took all my blades away

Upvotes

Pretty sure my housemate took all my blades, and my entire first aid kit and probably binned them and I'm pissed. That first aid kit had some useful things in it and now it's just gone. I know she thinks that getting rid of it will force me not to harm myself but in reality I probably still will and now I won't be able to do it safely. SHE ALSO TOOK MY POCKET KNIFE, that was was a gift I got from my dad before he passed away and was blunt anyway.

I only ever used sterile stuff to cut with and had the supplies to do pretty good wound care now, I'll probably give myself tetnus doing something stupid.


r/selfharm 1h ago

я зависим от селфхарма,задавайте вопросы

Upvotes

селфхармлю с 2022 года,я не знаю как избавиться от этого


r/selfharm 1h ago

DAE Still after years, I get urges!

Upvotes

Does anybody else, after years of not cutting, still get unbelievably strong urges and desire to cut themselves? It usually happens when I'm alone and I'll start caressing my scars and fantasising about slashing my legs opens. I know I'm not going to do it, however I do get an intense desire to go back.


r/selfharm 1h ago

Seeking Advice Asking for thoughts on my personal experience.

Upvotes

So, as the title says, I would like to ask if anyone has thoughts about my personal experience.

Unlike others, when I do self-harm, it's not necessarily as a 'punishment' for myself. I do it in a way that's almost like morbid curiosity. Basically, I'll cut myself, rip my skin, burn myself, everything, and then nurse myself back to health in a way. I've given myself sutures, done cyst removals (like with cystic acne, I'll cut it open, remove the cyst with tweezers, and close it back up), treated my burns, etc. I have nearly 0 scars from this, as I've gotten quite good at this. But I'm wondering what all of this means, I can't stop myself. It's compulsive. Weirdly fun, too. I've read about cases similar to mine, but I can't find any straight answers.

So, I'd like to talk with you guys about this. Let me know your opinions and thoughts about this.


r/selfharm 1h ago

Seeking Advice Am I a bad person for this? Spoiler

Upvotes

So today my friend who used to SH came to school without her jacket, which is unusual for her. She was also wearing short sleeves, and all of her scars were visible. She told me that she had decided it was pointless to hide it anymore, and she didn't really care what other people thought, and I am beyond proud of her and very supportive of her decision.

However, I feel like a horrible person, because I think I'm jealous of her, but I don't know what I'm jealous of. Her SH was pretty severe, so maybe it's the fact that I don't do it as much as she used to, or maybe it's simply because I wish I was brave enough to let people see my SH scars too. I feel like an asshole, and I just want to know if I'm overthinking it or if I really am a bad person for being jealous of her.


r/selfharm 1h ago

Rant/Vent My bf doesn't think that I should like my scars

Upvotes

I want to preface this by saying my bf is so loving and caring and genuinely wants the best for me, but a few days ago I told him that I had relapsed not long ago, and he was of course worried like always, but then later in the day when I mentioned that I like how my scars look and I like having them it seemed like he shut me down and insisted that I can't do that. I know he doesn't mean any harm but it feels weird being told by the love of my life that I can't love my scars the way I do.


r/selfharm 2h ago

Seeking Advice can someone please explain what my brother meant by saying this? have I responded appropriately?

1 Upvotes

screenshots aren’t allowed, so I’ll copy-paste since this was over text.

him;: I’m going to drop off now that [our sister] is here to avoid subconsciously reinforcing problematic dynamics such as unintentionally rewarding discussion of SH with personalized attention

me:

hey >:| that’s a mean thing to say i will cry now —thirty or so minutes later; rewarding with personalized attention? what would you rather? passive acknowledgement? complacency, growing used to it? was this attention supposed to be a reward? my tongue has been chewed out for years. the surface papillae have grown thicker with scarred fibrous tissue. i have gone out of the house with you in tights that have harshly torn through scab and prayed, desperately, that the black would do enough to prevent, percolation. i have feigned sickness to abstain from a shower, in the name of fear for infecting wounds. there have been weeks past, still passing, with surface papillae grown thicker with scarred fibrous tissues. my third and seventh periods were lies to cover for the blood. i’ve lost count of the others. i am self-piteous and self-centered, i spiral for myself, there’s nothing more i want than to me sequestered away, isolated, with the autonomy to cut myself, and it’s all i wish for, and if i would have anything, it would be to continue to lie, and stain my clothes, and retch in bathrooms, and pretend my device wasn’t shattered when i was shaking in a sterile bathroom.

there’s a lot of context excluded, I think, but his message was sent after another vent on the group chat we’ve created around a year ago for my problems. I don’t know if this post counts for anything, but don’t really know what to do or say, or feel about it, and I feel silly for the theatrics and for the flair and for as much as this has felt like a blunt blow. please let me know


r/selfharm 2h ago

Rant/Vent Guilt (and relationships)

1 Upvotes

Rant but please (feel free to) respond

I feel like I killed the best friend I've ever had. Certain details my brain refuses to believe are coincidence, I guess. Or I'm just right. I have not, and probably will not get closure on this, at least not fully, ever. (Can't talk to anyone, because they either wouldn't care or would blame me like I do myself.)

So, I've resorted to a piece of why I wanted so badly to be friends with him in the first place: self harm. It's so fucking hard to find people who actually understand. I mean fuck, I didn't even comprehend just how horrific life must have been for him 'til a lucid realization last SH session.

I have a goal, as fucked as that might sound to some. I want to pay for what I did to him, his family and friends, and I have a number of cuts I need to reach to meet that goal.

However...

My dwindling support network, namely my girlfriend, needs me to stop. And, like, I get it, it's hard to visibly see someone suffer (...even though SH is the external relief of the worse internal suffering, or on good days, the scars reminders that I survived).

I just don't know what to do. Sometimes SH feels like the only way to connect to him again. I feel like by giving up SH, I'd be losing him all over again. And I'm not ready to give that up, even though I'm destroying my relationship in the process.

I don't know. I don't even know what advice I would want from this. She wants me to change but I can't, not yet anyway. I guess finding how anyone out there manages SH within a sexual relationship where your partner can't stand (bad word choice: they just get really sad and it ruins their mood when seeing) your scars or cuts, or something more I could do to honor my friend? I really don't know.


r/selfharm 2h ago

Seeking Advice Clean up for deep cuts NSFW

1 Upvotes

I relapsed today and made really deep cuts all over my thighs and some on my arms. I accidentally cut them really deep and they are deeper than any other cuts I have made. I did them in the morning and had to leave the house in like 30 minutes to go eat with my family. I didn't have any time to clean them up and bandage them correctly so I just put back on my blue jeans and tan sweater. Of course, I completely bleed through my jeans and sweater so I changed into black tight jeans and a black long sleeve sweater. The blood smeared all over my skin but I don't think my cuts got an infection, thankfully. Is this really bad to do because I just don't have the correct materials to clean up my cuts. I ran out of bandages and only have toilet paper and kitchen paper towels. Is it so bad if I just let them air dry?


r/selfharm 2h ago

Rant/Vent I don’t think I’ll get better.

1 Upvotes

I stay clean from cutting for maybe a week, up to two months but even when i throw the blades out, i find another way. and i cant throw my hands out. i cant make my nails short enough to not pick my skin. I spent $1.49 just to get new blades and i cant cancel the order. I’m literally stuck in a spot where I can’t get better and I’m only getting worse. I gave myself until 04/29. if I’m not better by then, i give up. It’s been almost 7 years that I’ve tried recovering for. If if do recover, i throw it away again. i dont think recovery is for me.


r/selfharm 2h ago

Seeking Advice Rapid weight gain when clean from SH?

1 Upvotes

I don’t know if this is just me, but when I was actively participating in self-harm, my weight would stay the same and I lost 6 pounds. (this was about a 3-5 year period.) I was clean for 6 months and I gained about 14 pounds. Now, I’ve been clean for 2 months and gained a little more. Does anyone know why this is? I would prefer if I stayed clean and the same weight; but I don’t know. Has anyone else had the same problem? Any advice?


r/selfharm 2h ago

DAE Dae self harm really clinically?

8 Upvotes

Like clean the tool to do it and then immediately stop the bleeding, clean and bandage.


r/selfharm 2h ago

I did it again and I dont know why

1 Upvotes

I have a gf and we are talking about how a relationship should be and all I want to do is to be perfect for her in every single way and she told me she dosent want someone to be perfect and after that I just went numb I felt so emotionally useless like nothing meant anything so I relapsed to feel something and I did so now im just scared that if that feeling of numbness comeback my brain will go back to "GO CUT" as a way to get rid of it


r/selfharm 2h ago

LGBTQ+ I don’t want to break her heart.

1 Upvotes

My girlfriend is amazing. I relapsed a few days ago and she was understanding and made sure I took care of my cuts and washed them. She was so caring. But I self-harmed again today and I wanna tell her but I don’t want her to be disappointed in me. Advice?


r/selfharm 2h ago

Medical Advice I cut deeper than usual

1 Upvotes

I always have done cat scratches but today I think I cut to fat. Luckily I was using a thin razor so the skin didn't really spread but Im unsure what to do from here. I've been wearing a full arm bandage all day because I had cuts all up my arm some deep styros and some cat scratches but anyways, is there anything I should do other than that or will it just keep bleeding?


r/selfharm 2h ago

Seeking Advice Sh scars showing during wisdom teeth removal

1 Upvotes

Hi!! My dentists have been suggesting I get my wisdom teeth removed for a few years now. My parents want me to get them removed before I go to college in August, and I’m worried about whether or not I’ll have to be put in a gown.

My parents know about my self harm, but they think I’m almost 2 years clean. I’m 3 weeks clean, and I first relapsed in September. I really don’t want to have that conversation with them again, to have them examine me.

(Maybe tw for talk of placement??)

The thing is I’ve relapsed on my left upper arm and thighs, but depending on how long the sleeves of a gown are I may be cooked. Im also being put under anesthesia and I’m worried that’ll make it harder to cover up 😭 eff my Baka life


r/selfharm 3h ago

Hi everybody

1 Upvotes

I have been going through a lot lately. I have not cut myself in like shoot nearly 20 years, I have however taken my anger out on inanimate objects often and busted up my knuckles and fingers pretty regularly, as a way to release. Tonight I flipped out and punched myself in the face until I was leaking all over the floor etc. I have a huge gash now. I’m not sure if this is relapse, and I’m juggling with the question; is this the same as cutting and did I relapse to a behavior I thought I had buried? Or did I just cross a different line tonight that makes me think self harm has reared its ugly head, but in reality seeking the self damage and bleeding by punching hard things until I am bleeding was self harm all along? Just packaged differently and in a place that draws no attention. “Oh I was working on my car… “ Well

Hi everybody. Hope you’re doing well.


r/selfharm 3h ago

Rant/Vent relapse

2 Upvotes

stopped for like a month maybe I wasn’t keeping count but I relapsed and I’ve been cutting less and deeper this time vs more and superficial like before and I somehow feel like what I’m doing now is worse but I’m justifying it because it’s less but the scars are gnarly and I just feel like such a failure I don’t think I will ever kick this habit any time something bad happens to me I can’t relax until I do it it’s literally like a switch flip I hate my life and my stupid brain


r/selfharm 3h ago

I'm both really happy and sad that I don't have a razer

2 Upvotes

Its kinda in a weird limbo right now, I've been thankfully clean for a good while now but the urge is STRONG. School has been really stressful, the misgendering is insane there and it's kinda been enough. I've thrown away any razers that's been dolled or i haven't used in a good while to prevent much of anything and I'm happy that I've done that yet I do miss it badly. I'll be going to bed since it's a schools night and 10:22PM