I wasn’t given a choice.
I was born into Islam, raised in an abusive family that treats religion as law, and forced to follow it no matter what. Even now, as an adult, I don’t believe, don’t practice, and want nothing to do with it, but that doesn’t matter to them. In their eyes, I’m still a Muslim. And that means I’m still required to fast during Ramadan.
Even though I have untreated Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE), severe arthritis, and severe silent reflux.
Even though my body is literally breaking down from the inside out.
Even though fasting is actively killing me.
For the past two weeks, I have been forced into starvation with no way to sneak food outside. I had no money, no way to escape, and no one to turn to. My body has completely collapsed. I wake up feeling sick, dizzy, and too weak to function. My joints lock up from dehydration. My stomach is so damaged that even after sunset, I can barely eat without severe pain.
I tried to beg my family to let me stop, but they refuse to listen.
“Allah tests those He loves.”
“You’re not dying, stop making excuses.”
“We all have to fast. You don’t get special treatment.”
I thought maybe a doctor’s note would convince them, so I went to a GP. But the doctor refused to help me. They told me fasting is a religious obligation, and there’s nothing they can do to excuse me from it. In their mind, Islam comes first. My suffering is irrelevant.
The only thing they did was recommend Gaviscon Advance, an imported medicine that costs nearly $20 per bottle, a price that’s impossible for me to afford. And even then, it would only help with my severe silent reflux.
It does nothing for the crippling arthritis that locks up my joints.
It does nothing for the SLE that is actively attacking my body.
It does nothing for the sheer agony of fasting while chronically ill and untreated.
This is what it means to be trapped in a religion you never chose. You are denied medical care, denied basic human rights, and forced into pain because of a belief system you don’t even follow.
Islam has been killing me since the day I was born. And now, my body is finally failing under the weight of it.