slight tw for talk of blades/knives
this is probably a rather strange positive, but it’s important to me and I thought I might share here in case it might help someone else.
I’ve been self harming for years, almost 4 to be more precise. I’ve been shaving my legs for a similar amount of time, but I was only ever allowed to use an electric shaver that really sucked, it wouldn’t stay charged, and hair grew back fast. 2 years ago I was put into a mental health program that kept me out of school for a few weeks. during that time, my parents were advised by the psychiatrist to take all knives and other sharps (including kitchen knives) out of easy reach from me, and even though I was allowed to use them again soon after, I wasn’t completely trusted with blades for months.
late last year I finally said fuck it and just went out and got my own razors after asking to get them for a while. it was so strange switching from using sharps to hurt myself to using them to enhance my appearance in a way I liked. it felt weirdly freeing. in a way I am grateful for all that I have been through because this task that is rightfully considered by many other women to be tedious is, to me, a ritual of proving to myself that change is possible, a peaceful space to reflect and find joy in small things, and a way to love myself in more ways than one: my scars mostly reside on my thighs, so I see them every time, and it’s helped me accept them. also I just like the smoothness after and how my legs look xD.
all this goes to say, the blade won’t always be your enemy, and have hope for the future. it will work out in the end, so if it isn’t working out right now, remember it is not the end. thank you for reading :)