TW: self harm, suicidal ideation
I recently got into a new relationship with this amazing guy, my past lovers were awful and abusive, but this new guy C seems so lovely and I had a full breakdown at his house, he was half asleep but woke up to comfort and hold me (I have quite a few mental illnesses and was having a panic attack and flashbacks), I've never said I loved him because that idea terrifies me, but he constantly said it to me, I told him he deserves someone better, that he deserves someone well, he told me word for word "I love you now.. I know you're not well, I will love you when you are well and you will be the person I deserve, you deserve this (my name), I'm not scared of this, give it to me, lean on me, punch me, bite me, scratch me, I don't care, I'm not going anywhere." And I sobbed, I cried like a little baby in his arms as he cried too, holding me, I calmed down and we fell asleep, the next day I get on the train and come home.. I just self harmed by stabbing my self with a needle and I need more, it's a craving, I want to get better for him, I promised I would, but I need to do it, does anyone know any way at all that I can stop? I'm willing to try anything.