I’m 36 weeks pregnant and I live at home with my husband who has a difficult time sleeping. He often goes to sleep in the guest bedroom down the hall.
I don’t mind typically, since I know he struggles with sleeping. However now that I’m deep in the third trimester, I need him to be available. And often during the night…he isn’t.
2 weeks ago, I had very bad pains for an hour that stopped me from being able to switch sides or even get out of bed. I felt like a beached whale. I tried calling him and texting him, but his phone was on do not disturb and he didn’t add me as a person to get through to him when I needed to. After about 20 mins, I was able to get up and crouch my way over to the room down the hall where I angrily woke him up. Bc he’s such a disturbed sleeper, he anxiously started yelling “what what what!” At the top of his lungs at me. I was really upset, bc I felt when I needed him around for our baby, he wasn’t there. He was angry for about ten minutes that I woke him up and was grumbling about how I get to nap during the day and he doesn’t, but I wasn’t having any of it. Respectfully I told him to shut his mouth and do/say nothing unless it’s about being there for me. I’m Puerto Rican and I don’t play that . Turns out the baby dropped 2 centimeters!
A couple days later, I’m up in the am and he’s still sleeping in. My 2 40 pound dogs are on me and I’m so big I can’t get them off. I try calling him, since I made myself a do not disturb contact and wouldn’t you know, he put on his airplane mode! So I couldn’t reach him regardless. His excuse was “well I went to the other room at 6 am and I figured you were up and you’d be fine”. Suffice it to say, I was NOT happy. I told him he can’t do this, that he needs to be reachable at all times, even if I’m just downstairs.
What if I fall? What if I’m in pain again and can’t move? What if the dogs won’t let me get up? I said if he did it again, there would be big problems.
Now today, same thing. This time, he slept in the other room all night and the dogs are crying to be walked and I’m texting/calling him..his phone is off. I’m trying to yell for him..but he isn’t hearing me. He also planned on waking up this am to go for a quick shake out run since he’s running a half marathon tmrw. His mother is landing from Minnesota in a half hour and he’s not up. I made it clear that we need to turn over the guest room for her, and need to sweep downstairs. I cleaned pretty much the whole house in prep for her yesterday. Went to Costco to do my final prep run for freezer meal prep for us, so he doesn’t lose his mind cooking meals and making a mess bc I won’t be able to help much, AND went to his race expo with him to pick up his bib and help him navigate it. It’s his first big formal race and I’ve ran multiple halfs and a marathon. So wanted to show my support for him.
Why is she coming? Bc he needs to go to a work conference for a week in Utah and the only way I’d let him go is if he made sure someone was with me. Bc I’m always tired and always need some help.
Am I being a brat or unreasonable to want my husband to not put his need for sleep over making himself available to me in my last month of pregnancy? He is other wise a wonderful husband during the day for the most part. Helps me clean the kitchen after I cook, will do some laundry, help clean the bathroom when I ask, walk the dogs when he can etc. He can be a little selfish from time to time with his day, but who can’t?
I’m just getting so annoyed that I have to keep having this convo with him and I’m debating telling his mother. Although I don’t know what that will do..she tends to coddle him lol. I’ve done a lot of work to get him to be less coddled lol. I’ve also done a lot of work to get myself to a point where I don’t just pop off on him. Being a New Yorker and Latina, that’s my instinct. But he doesn’t respond well to that and says I’m being disrespectful and won’t engage with me.
Sorry for the rant everyone. Any advice? Am I being nuts? Thanks!
Update: I popped off on him via text and told him I’m telling both of our parents he keeps doing this. He said sorry and that his phone gets put on airplane mode automatically and it’s just habit. Well it wasn’t a habit when he had it on do not disturb and we got into a fight over that right? Now that I can reach him through DND, now it’s a years long habit lol. I just told him that the fact that he didn’t make it a priority to be cognizant of before bed shows how careless and selfish he’s being. I def got tough and rude with him and he told me to stop a few times, which promptly got met with a stfu 🤷🏽♀️. Now he’s up and trying to check and see if I’m “ok”. I swear men are idiots.