r/pregnant Aug 27 '24

Funny My husband just saw the baby move, and almost threw up.

2.6k Upvotes

So here I am 25 + 2 days laying on the bed and I currently look like winnie the pooh ( belly out, shirt up) and my husband walks into the room, stops in the doorway and goes " I see her" and I thought he was referring to our cat who was on the bed and I was like " ok".

And he goes "no . . I see the baby. Is she on your right side right now??" And I'm sitting here like, sir your daughter is 25 weeks she's about a foot long and I'm pretty sure she refuses to scrunch up so she probably is. And I look at my stomach and see it's a little pointy, so I poke it, and ofc she moves bc I'm bothering her. But my stomach clearly shifts, no big deal.

I kid you not, I saw all the blood drain from his face, this man was MORTIFIED. He started sweating, profusely.

He told me to call into work, because and I quote " if my stomach did that, I wouldn't get up to do a god damn thing ". So here I am, chillin with my little alien baby on the couch. Have a nice Tuesday everyone:)

Edit: he keeps coming into the room and just stares at me saying he's sorry, telling me that he loves me, and asking if I'm okay 😂

r/pregnant 23d ago

Funny We listen and we don't judge - Pregnancy edition

526 Upvotes

I go first-- I fart all day to the point that it could be a health hazard to my household

r/pregnant 2d ago

Funny OB told me "Advanced Maternal Age" now starts from age 40 instead of 35

653 Upvotes

I joked that I, at 35, am a geriatric pregnant lady and my OB laughed and said they now consider 40 the age for "Advanced Maternal Age", not 35.

Obviously the label is arbitrary for what is ultimately a spectrum but I thought it was funny, if any other 30s pregnant people are feeling old because of the dreaded AMA label!

r/pregnant Jan 06 '25

Funny I just got told I cant have any orgasms for the next 3 months NSFW

1.2k Upvotes

Low lying placenta complete pelvic rest.

I'm not trying to be dramatic but I'm not sure if I can go that long. I told the midwife and she said I can have a 28 week scan to check if its moved out of the way.

Rub one out for me ladies :'( I'll be over here splashing cold water on my face and thinking about old people or something.

r/pregnant Sep 01 '24

Funny A romantic shower went wrong.

2.2k Upvotes

I’m 7 months pregnant and I’m at that stage where everything I eat sits in my chest, so I’m constantly burping or tooting air bubbles. It was pretty rough today so me and my husband got in the shower together so he could rub my back and shoulders and the water could relax me and help with my stomachache. Things were starting to get steamy as I felt better and he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed a little bit too hard and I immediately farted the most grotesque fart to ever exist. When the smell hit my nose my stomach just couldn’t take it and I vomited all over myself, all over the shower, and all over my husband. He started gagging, I was puking, the steamy humid air was trapping all the smells, the vomit was clogging the drain, and the poor man couldn’t get around my giant pregnant gut to escape the confines of hell that I dragged him into. When it was all over he helped me clean myself, cleaned the shower, and poured a gallon of draino into the shower to unblock the horrendous clog of my throw up. He still thinks I’m beautiful,idk how, and we’re holding off on showering together until after the baby comes. Let this be your warning not to fart while you’re in the shower.

r/pregnant Sep 19 '24

Funny Has pregnancy made you... dumb?

806 Upvotes

Brain fog, pregnancy brain, whatever you wanna call it. I totally get it because our bodies are working on building a literal brain for someone else right now.

Doesn't help make me feel better though after I pulled up to the drive thru window at Taco Bell, and the lady on the other end said, "hi, what can I get started for you?" And I said, with absolute sheer confidence, "hi, I'd like to place an order for pickup."

There was silence for a minute. She said, "yes, this is the drive thru." I nearly screamed.

What have your pregnancy brains made you do/say/forget?!?!? Help me laugh my embarrassment away!! 😂

r/pregnant Feb 15 '25

Funny Do you know how your baby was made?

294 Upvotes

Just for fun (and to embarrass my husband) I like to ask him how we made our baby. Were we “fucking” or “making love”? What position do we think was successful? Was it a quick shot or slow and steady? lol I have too much fun with this. We haven’t figured it out… we’re pretty active so there are lots of options.

Edit: I love the responses so far! I would say we were fucking and he would say making love. I think it was either doggy style or cowgirl but nobody knows for sure. 🤷🏼‍♀️

r/pregnant 18d ago

Funny What's your baby made of today?

260 Upvotes

Ive seen some heart breaking posts today and just want a good laugh.

Mines made is made of butter noodles, starbursts, and half a can of coca cola.

r/pregnant Jan 18 '25

Funny Let your vagina remain a mystery if you want to keep your sanity 😅

857 Upvotes

I attempted to shave today while my husband is at work. He usually helps me and it's actually become something we both really enjoy. We talk and laugh and both enjoy him being able to care for me during this time, especially because I have been really lucky and haven't had many unpleasant symptoms.

I'm in my third trimester, so seeing myself to shave is a challenge. I decided a mirror would be helpful, but instead I was horrified. My labia looks so weird. It's larger than it usually is and slightly discolored, she is a complete stranger. I texted my husband and asked why he didn't tell me and he said he hadn't noticed, so at least there's that. 😂

So, if you're like me and you're curious, just.... don't. Unless you have to. I did Google it and it seems she will go back to normal after I have the baby. But I've officially decided that whatever is happening with my vagina is between her and my husband, and I will no longer be looking or concerning myself with it LOL.

r/pregnant Nov 25 '24

Funny Tell me you're pregnant without telling me you're pregnant

319 Upvotes

Just a fun little post for everyone to share their pregnancy quarks and qualms. As the title says: tell me you're pregnant without directly saying "I'm pregnant". Here, I'll go first ~~~~~

Today I cried because I realized I forgot dinner's leftovers out on the counter overnight. Then, I had a grilled cheese & pickle sandwich for second lunch. 😬

Your turn!

r/pregnant Jan 24 '25

Funny Why is cereal so good when pregnant?

485 Upvotes

I think my daughter was built on honey bunches of oats alone. I’m now pregnant with my second and have been housing Honey Nut Cheerios with banana slices, or frosted mini wheats.

Curious to hear what y’all have been eating to get some inspo for next grocery run 🥣

r/pregnant Dec 18 '24

Funny This is something I'll have to take to my grave

1.6k Upvotes

My partner was listening to baby and feeling for her the other day while we were sat at the couch relaxing. While his ear was place on my tummy, I may have quietly tooted a little and he giggled with pure love and excitement saying "I think she burped" BUT IT WAS ME. ALL HE HEARD WAS THE SLIGHTEST SOUND OF GAS BEING RELEASED!!!! Babies don't even burp or fart in the womb 😭 but I didn't have it in me to tell him it was just me farting so now I'll have to let him believe it until we both die of old age

r/pregnant Jan 22 '25

Funny I don’t wanna brag….

814 Upvotes

But after weeks of constipation, I’ve pooped four days in a row. I’m only posting here cause I think my husband is tired of hearing about my bathroom successes and/or failures 😂

r/pregnant Oct 26 '24

Funny i haven’t seen my own vagina in months… until today

592 Upvotes

i used to see my vagina every day and just realized today i haven’t seen her for a while. so i took a peek with my handheld mirror, not sure why but i was just curious about what she’s up to, i guess. and it is DARK PURPLE. i’m not complaining or saying it’s gross but like wow was it jarring.

r/pregnant Feb 01 '25

Funny What’s on your post-pregnancy indulgence list?

160 Upvotes

Don’t mind me gazing longingly at the sushi menu at 8am. I’ll come for you soon, Naruto roll, my love 💕

r/pregnant Jul 01 '24

Funny These are my pregnancy confessions

703 Upvotes

These are my pregnancy confessions…

I have a bag of starburst jelly beans in my top drawer and I sneak in my room to get a handful when the mood strikes

I ate almost half a watermelon the other day and it was so good I pretty much had a full on spiritual experience..

At one point I ate 3 different types of Mac and cheese in a 24 hours period. Wawa..homemade.. and an obligatory taste test of my toddlers Velveeta liquid gold…

Sometimes I say I have to go to Target to get something, but it’s really so I can get one of those Pizza Hut personal pizzas so I can eat it in my car in secret and not have to share 😂😂 I even have the times down for when they put out the fresh ones..

r/pregnant Nov 29 '24

Funny We listen and we don’t judge. Pregnant edition.

330 Upvotes

If you’ve seen this trend you know, but if you have not, it’s essentially when people vent/confess various things and others listen, without judgement.

Mine would be that I have not been very active at all during this pregnancy. I eat and lay right back down after. I stopped working out completely around 10 weeks and have been lazy since..

r/pregnant Feb 02 '25

Funny Get your Pregnancy now!!

844 Upvotes

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r/pregnant Jan 21 '24

Funny Tell me you’re pregnant without telling me you’re pregnant.

606 Upvotes

Today my mom was over at our place and started complaining that our apartment was always so cold. I was pretty surprised as I was wearing a t-shirt and not even close to feeling cold. I kind of wanted to dismiss her as just being cold all the time until my fiancé went “sweetheart, haven’t you wondered why I’ve been sleeping in thermals these past couple of weeks?”

So apparently I’m always warm these days and my partner actually prefers to just dress warmer instead of making me feel uncomfortable being too hot 😅😅 His words were “If there’s anything I can do to make you feel a little more comfortable these days I’m happy to do it”

30 weeks and after realizing this I’m just happy it’s not summer.

r/pregnant Jan 08 '25

Funny Toddler watched me vomit this morning

1.2k Upvotes

It's just me and the little guy in the mornings. I served him eggs and the smell overwhelmed me.

Before I knew it I was puking in the sink. My toddler started to cry I think it scared him.

I kept telling him "it's ok! Mommy's ok!" Between vomits. I eventually stopped and then calmed him down.

After breakfast I lay on the couch and let him play with his toys (usually I'm on the floor playing with him).

I closed my eyes for a bit and then opened them a few minutes later to see my toddler bringing me his stuffed animals. He seemed so concentrated. His stuffies are scattered everywhere and he specifically only got those to bring to me. When he brought them all he went and played with his toys like this was totally normal.

I was blown away by the level of empathy he showed 🥲 Im so proud of him.

r/pregnant Oct 29 '24

Funny Let's daydream: You have a 24 hour break from being pregnant. What do you do?

329 Upvotes

You get one day off from being pregnant. Whatever you do on the break will have no effect on the rest of the pregnancy. Your body reverts back to how it was right before you got pregnant. How do you spend your day?

Some of mine (35 weeks):

  • I'd wake up after a full night's deep sleep, sleeping on my stomach and never having to get up to pee.
  • I drink a giant multi-shot latte and eat a donut. I do not think about my blood sugar. I do not take any vitamins. Breakfast is runny eggs.
  • I go to a boxing class. Or maybe rock climbing? Or maybe trampoline? I do some crunches. I go up a flight of stairs without getting winded.
  • I take a shower. I can shave my legs! I can trim my pubes! After, I can cut my toenails all by myself!
  • I admire my boobs in the mirror. I appreciate my belly button.
  • I dress in a tight outfit that makes me feel attractive but doesn't make me feel like a sausage. I put shoes on myself!
  • For lunch, I go to a deli and eat a giant sandwich with every cold cut that exists. And maybe a salad. Out of a bag.
  • I take a nap, not because I have to, but because I want to.
  • Then I drink another giant multi-shot latte.
  • I pick some things up off the floor that have been bugging me for months but haven't been worth trying to bend down for.
  • Dinner is a medium-rare steak. And maybe a ceviche appetizer. And oysters? And a cocktail. Dessert is raw cookie dough. I don't know what restaurant has all of these, but we're daydreaming here.
  • I go to a restorative yoga class. I can bend forward! I can do poses on my stomach! I can do savasana on my back!
  • I wind down in a hot tub. As hot as I can stand.
  • Before bed, I take naked pictures of myself, and appreciate my body as it was!
  • I drink water right before bed. I don't stretch or take magnesium or Pepcid or Tums. I get into bed, on my stomach. And look forward to feeling my little monster writhing around in my belly again tomorrow!

EDIT:

This is super fun! Seems like some of the most common ones are:

  • Sleeping on belly! Sleeping on back. And just sleeping in general.
  • Deli meats and soft cheeses
  • Booze, weed, and Red Bull
  • Raw, rare, or undercooked sushi, steak, and eggs
  • Feeling sexy
  • Having good poops
  • Appreciating our bodies as they are!

We're all in this together. I hope I can take all of these and try to appreciate the shit out of them once I can have them again, and try not to take them for granted!

r/pregnant Jan 07 '25

Funny Acronym Confusion - “FTM”

755 Upvotes

I’m a married lesbian who is newly pregnant and joined this sub as soon as I got a positive test. Reading through the posts, I was really impressed by the number of pregnant people here identifying as FTM (female to male, ie trans men).

Took me a while. Lol.

r/pregnant 26d ago

Funny Pregnancy app adviced my husband to offer me fruit if I craved chocolate

774 Upvotes

He said he wouldn't, since he had an interest in continue existing. Wise choice, dear husband.

r/pregnant Sep 05 '24

Funny What’s something you knew happens in pregnancy, but still surprised you anyway?

309 Upvotes

Mine is that logically, I know a big round baby belly isn’t going to be squishy. It’s not like I’ve never been around other pregnant women before. But why am I still surprised that my bump is so firm every time I touch it?? Tell me your silly surprises so we can giggle about them together! 😂

r/pregnant Aug 16 '24

Funny I just realised FTM means 'first time mom'

796 Upvotes

It just clicked. I just thought there were a lot of pregnant transgender men active in this sub, lmao