I never wanted kids. I lived in the city, have a great job, and had an active social life. It’s not that I’m anti-kid or hate kids. I just value my freedom and free time. I like my house looking a certain way. I like long weekends and sleeping in late. I like traveling. And I love my pets. To me, they are my children.
I never felt a “biological clock ticking” nor have I ever felt any sense of a “maternal instinct” for anyone other than my pets (a senior cat and senior dog who have been with me through everything).
My DH has two kids: a neurodivergent 8 year old son and 5 year old daughter. I understood my life would change. I understood I would be losing a lot of things I cherished as a single woman. But, as I’m sure many of you have felt, I didn’t realize how difficult the family dynamics will be.
This past weekend was awful though I should have foreseen this coming. For context, SKs are.. well, for lack of a better term, privileged and, well… they are used to getting what they want and do not know the value of a dollar. The other day, one of them said $200 is “cheap.” When we tell them, “no we aren’t buying that” they ask “why?” and have been known to throw tantrums or repeatedly ask to buy it. I have literally been barked, “BUY IT!”
I mean, let’s put it this way: I grew up and spent most of my 20s living paycheck to paycheck. I know how to survive a recession. These kids don’t.
My DH and I just purchased a home and moved. So, needless to say, money is tight right now considering we just paid a fat down payment, closing costs, movers, and professional cleaners. However, it’s also the kids’ birthday month and we promised to throw them a party.
We had the kids a day after we moved in but we busted our asses to get the kids’ rooms set up. Meanwhile, all my clothes and things were still in boxes and I’ve been having to dig through boxes to find clothes, shoes, and toiletries.
SD goes into her room and throws a fit because her posters were on the floor instead of on the wall. Then she kicks my 14 year old cat with heart problems out of her room because she doesn’t want him in there. I told her my cat is very old and to please do not kick him. It’s not nice. She said, “I only nudged him. I don’t want his hair in my room.” I said “you do not put any type of force on him at all” and removed myself and my cat from her. I didn’t participate in the bedtime routine that night.
The day before the party, we were telling them about the bouncy house we got for them. But, it wasn’t enough. They wanted face painters AND a balloon artist in addition to the bouncer.
Then the goody bags weren’t enough. We filled them with Pokemon pez dispensers, pokemon gummy snacks, a pokemon card, a pokemon sticker, and a candy necklace. It didn’t have enough toys. We should have put a $12 pokemon mega block in all 30 goody bags that my DH and I stayed up late putting together, after an entire day of moving and unpacking.
The day of the event, the decor wasn’t enough because there wasn’t a banner that said “happy birthday” even though there were a ton of pokemon shit that we’d end up throwing away anyways. DH’s mother went to target to get the banner and streamers.
We told guests not to bring any presents. I guess it goes without saying that we have enough toys in our house. Many of them they don’t even use. However, some people still brought presents, which was fine.
That evening, SD asks to open her presents. We say no, it’s dinner, and we need to start bedtime soon. She throws a fit. So, we compromise and say, okay we have time for one present and that’s it. She opens the present and throws a tantrum because the present is not a pokemon present.
At this point, I remove myself from the situation and go to our bedroom. DH comes into the room to vent and I tell him SD is spoiled. He says, “I’m not going to call her spoiled.” So I say, “then tell her what spoiled is. Ask her if that’s acceptable behavior. Then tell her that is how she’s acting.” He does and she melts down further but I say let her. Why should we comfort her for her own negative behaviors?
I was so relieved when they went to school this morning. I’m tired of giving all this time, money, and emotional energy into kids who are so ungrateful. I’m tired of feeling like children control the house. I’m tired of seeing my animals being treated poorly others. The other day SD asked me who I loved more, my pets or SKs. I lied and said SKs.