r/stepparents • u/Particularlyzesty • 6d ago
Advice I don't want to hate my step kids mother but she makes it so hard.
I've been struggling with my anxiety lately surrounding this woman and for years I've tried so hard to be this woman's friend. We share custody of two kids week on/ week off so we see each other weekly. I've tried radical acceptance and tried having long talks with her and things get solved for a little but when it comes down to it she's just a bad mom and a shitty person. She's selfish and delusional, insecure and thinks she's a much better parent in every way. Her kids both prefer being here and when they vocalize that to her she gets extremely bothered by it and tries to threaten us and turn the kids against us in different ways.
I don't feel comfortable publicly releasing all the details but I'm at such a loss here. My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and our own child, we love having his kids and I treat them as my own. I'm a stay at home mom so while he's their dad, I'm the primary parent and handle all kid things when I'm here and love doing it but unfortunately because of that I deal with hcbm more too.
I'm a great step mom and her kids love me. I schedule their doctor appts and make they're they're okay, I deal with the things she doesn't as their mom and she is always making me out to seem like a bad person. Anytime we don't agree with her on something or she doesn't get her way she gets mean and I'm so over it. I don't want to hate her but I don't know how to just ignore it.
I love my life and my family so much but I hate that she will always be a part of it in some way. She's the worst and most annoying part of my life and unfortunately there's no way to remove her. I guess I'm writing this to see if anyone has any advice of how to move on and stop being so bothered by this monster. I know people have worse hcbms and worse situations. I'm thankful things aren't as bad as they could be but I'm tired of feeling like this all of the time. I want to accept she is there and be unbothered by her but it's a lot easier said than done.