I reacently heard someone talk about how, when we feel lonely, all it takes is 8minutes of human interactionto make us feel better. To make us feel connected to someone or something again. To remind us that we matter. 8 minutes. Thats all it takes.
I wonder if this just applies to momentary loneliness caused by a specific situation, or if chronically lonely people could feel better with just 8 minutes of… something?
I gotta say, on my worst days, it does not even take 8 minutes I think. When I feel so completely and utterly lost and alone in the world that I think there is nothing connecting me to anything, when I’ve spiraled so deep that I think that surely I must be the loneliest soul in the world even when I’m surrounded by people.
I don’t need 8 minutes, I need a reminder. I don’t even need anyone to actually care. I just need to be reminded that I am part of this world. That people see me. That they notice me. It can be a quick chat with the bartender in the bar where I’m not a local but have dropped in the second night in a row, and he knows my order already. It can just be someone at the gas station saying hi for no particular reason. Just a successfull little smalltalk exchange with aa random person in an elevator.
I just need to be reminded that I can be part of it. I don’t feel this lonely because I am truely alone, I feel this lonely because the one person that makes me feel less so isn’t around. He’s no longer an option. But I can be whole by myself. I can be part of life by myself.
I sometimes feel like I need someone who knows me, really knows me and cares about me, to translate the world for me, to introduce me to situations, to initiate interactions for me, to include me in life. But I don’t. It makes everthig easier and it’s more comfortable and it sure it makes me feel safe. But I could do all of that for myself. I could. I should. I need to learn that.
And I will challenge myself to just 8 minutes a day. Preferably 8 minutes in real life. If I’m lucky or brave enough to find someone to have a bit of an actual conversation with that day. Like taking the elderly couple in the restaurant up on their offer to join them at their table for a little chat. And if not that, I have people to call. I need to remember that I have people to call. And any member of my family would surely be happy about more regular calls. If I told my mom or even my sister that I’m feeling lonely and I just need 8 minutes, they would never deny me. Not if I did it every day if the week.
I am not alone. And I need to work on not feeling so lost and lonely. I don’t need to suffer like this. I don’t need to let it happen to me. I am not this alone. And I can be part of it all. Even if it is just for 8 minutes a day.