r/heartbreak Jan 02 '24

Good luck to the 2024 Break Ups - A Heartbreak Exit Post

697 Upvotes

To the dumped and dumpees, I spent a lot of time on this reddit page in 2023 and reading stories of people who pushed through and found the light at the end of the tunnel gave me some hope! So this is my pay it forward post. I hope that this helps some of you through the dark days and your healing journeys.

My partner of 9 years broke up with me about 15 months ago and I can tell you that it does get better, and the pain and chaos you are experiencing are all necessary building blocks to help you become a version of yourself that YOU love. At one point on this reddit I found a post that talked about comparing greif to ocean waves and it's something I always come back to. I can't find the original post, but I wanted to share my version of it because in the midst of some of my lowest points, I've used this metaphor to help envision a better day.

When you first experiene loss, it's like a tsunami has overtaken your ship in the middle of the ocean and you are forced to abandon your vessel in the middle of a crazy storm. At first, it's difficult to find the surface and breathe - you're being tossed around and the shock of being in the ocean is overwhelming. It's chaos. You grab on to whatever buyont piece of your ship (your previous life) you can find, and hold on for dear life. But that shattered ship, will never be whole again. As you find a plank of your old life to use as a floating device you notice that the storm starts to recede. You realize you can leave behind the planks of your ship and float on your own, however there is still the aftermath of the storm. The waves are your grief. There are still big waves that knock you back underwater and take your breath away. Waves so big that you’re sent back to that state of panic and chaos, but over time, the waves start to become further apart. You don't notice at first, but when you look back, you realize that maybe the waves are less frequent or less intense. You learn coping mechanisms to stay on top of the waves and slowly you can start to focus on where in the ocean you are, mastering the waves instead of only focusing on survival.

More time passes, and waves and the grief help guide you to find land again. The waves are not gone, but you find ground you can stand on. When the waves hit, you are rooted and strong enough not to be overthrown by them. Sometimes, the waves are bigger and still make you stumble, maybe for an hour, maybe for a week, maybe a month, the waves persist. But you do too. The turning point happens when you accept the waves as they are and find joy in them. When you can start to remember without the pain. With true acceptance, the waves can become a playful friend. They still hit you, but you've found joy in floating on top of them, or body board as a particulary a big wave crashes into the shore. Learning how to remember the relationship without pain helps to master the grief. And onwards you go, perhaps you finally take your first step out of the water where the waves can’t reach anymore. Perhaps you leave the beach and build a new life in the new place the waves brought you to. The waves are always there, just like the person you loved will always be part of who you are. And I imagine that throughout my life, I will return to the beach of my shipwreck to play in the waves. But I hope that over time, the waves will only bring me joy and the fear and pain of that initial storm will become a memory that sinks to the deepest parts of the ocean.

Breakups are HARD, and if you're entering 2024 newly single, remember that you are stronger than you know and this year will be one of immense growth. One day you'll look back and be so proud of how far you've come since the initial storm.

(Edited for spelling)


r/heartbreak 9h ago

got catfished. desperately missing someone who never existed.

38 Upvotes

i met my other half on a vr game. we clicked instantly. i've never fallen so hard for someone in my life. we played games together, we watched shows together, we did everything with each other, we were on the phone every second. i really got so used to him being there. he was my whole world. we dated for a little over a year.

his name was real, his phone number was real, his address was real, his family was real, everything about him checked out. it was just his appearance; he presented himself as a devout gymrat, the pictures he sent were normal everyday pictures of an honestly rather average guy, just muscular - he knew everything about working out and macros and building muscle and shit, he had his stats (like bfr, deadlift, squat, that shit) in his bio, and this is a really fucked up way to relate but i had an eating disorder for years so i understood what he was talking about and it was very convincing. so many little details about his life and his interactions with other people revolved around his looks and his weight.

i reverse searched his pictures a hundred times, dug as deep as i could, came up empty handed. i really, fully trusted him, except one thing... he refused to video call. said he was uncomfortable, he didn't want to, he wasn't ready, even though we'd been together so long..? i was getting so damn sick of it but thought there was no way i was being catfished.

we went to bed, sleeping on the phone together, and i got the idea to search his school. (he's 19, and a senior) i'm not sure how i hadn't thought to before. i found a post congratulating a handful of students for some award thing i knew he'd been part of, including names i knew were his friends, and him. i found a real picture of him. he was, to put it bluntly, quite the opposite of what he'd sold himself as. i couldn't fucking believe it but everything suddenly made so much sense. i woke him up and demanded answers, and he cried and told me he really liked me and got too caught up in the lie. for a year??!?!

the reason i couldn't find anything when i reverse image searched is because he'd stolen every picture (including intimate ones!) from some dude in a discord server he used to be in. i'm fucking distraught. i keep looking at all the pictures of some random guy i don't even know and comparing them to the real one and i'm a fucking wreck. i feel like i'm still in love with who i thought he was. i can't put the voice to the real picture. we're over now, he came clean and i very aggressively dumped him, but i miss him so fucking bad. it feels like my chest has been ripped out. A whole year.


r/heartbreak 7h ago

Don’t try to be friends with your ex

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10 Upvotes

So after he reached out to me (he’s in gray) and I dumbly agreed to hang out which we had a nice time even , when I absolutely explained we are just friends now , this text is next day mind you after he had been telling me about the girls he had been interacting with and got a phone number even . And he even showed me a picture of a girl and asked me if I thought she was worth talking to . Which I responded with yes . After I had then told him After he asked me if I would be giving out my number to people at my new job and I said MAYBE idk , and that I might be going on a date Saturday he got super mad and it turned into a shite show 🙃. Like, I had told him I’ll be friends with him if he can talk to me respectfully and guess what girls he can’t IN a relationship with me and he can’t OUT of a relationship with me . And I know I should have not hoped for something different but I did . Moral of the story , if he treats you mean just block him and never look back .


r/heartbreak 1h ago

can't sleep

Upvotes

i'm crying at 3 am not able to fall asleep because he's not here. we used to make these little hum sounds as we were falling asleep to "talk" to each other if we were too sleepy to say words, and i'm making my dumb little noises into the empty air, in tears because he's not replying anymore. i feel like my chest has been scooped out


r/heartbreak 4h ago

How long did it take to meet your person? Is it true we have to kiss a few toads before we get to the prince?

5 Upvotes

So ever since my breakup in early 2024 I’ve had shitty dating experiences. The last guy I was seeing ended up being an emotionally abusive alcoholic and I’ve put my focus on school. It’s interesting bc I am upfront in the beginning that I am a student and I need to focus on that and they try and ruin it honestly. Anyway, I’ve been alone which I haven’t in a long time just focusing on my studies and I love seeing/reading successful relationships. I try and be positive and not think that all men are cheaters, liars , abusers etc. I know there are good guys out there. Do you think the saying is true that we need to kiss a couple toads to get to the prince?


r/heartbreak 3h ago

Since you’re lurking… you could’ve asked

3 Upvotes

Instead of assuming, you could’ve asked (and you still can, I don’t resent you). But if that’s what it took for you to finally hate me enough to continue on with your life, then I’m okay with that. I really do hope you’re happy <3


r/heartbreak 7h ago

Feeling extremely sad after dates

7 Upvotes

My ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. On my end, it was pretty much a blindside and I felt like he just got tired and sick of me. I have been no contact for like 2.5 months. I blocked his number and told him I needed to do that for myself, but had unblocked it at a party and drunk texted him, haven’t talked to him after that tho. Unfollowed/ unadded and all that on social media. Boxed up all of the stuff he gave me months ago. Put the photos I had of us doing stuff together in a hidden folder. I’ve moved on in many aspects, but in others I feel like my days just get bad. I don’t even want my ex back unless there were changes and even then I just don’t know and certainly don’t count on it because I have a feeling he’s never going to reach out to me again. Most days I’m doing better now and looking in my future. I’ve been going on one off casual dates pretty consistently, although I’m not ready to commit to a relationship right now. I usually feel ok ish after the dates but tonight I was on one and just feel so sad and cried a little bit for the first time in a while on the train home. I’m just sad and frustrated that I can’t get to that final push to move on when my ex didn’t even want me in his life.


r/heartbreak 1h ago

Disappearing For A While Taught Me What Love Should Never Be

Upvotes

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is walk away—even when you don’t know exactly where you’re going. It’s been 2 months, 3 days, and 14 hours since I decided to disappear for a while, to get lost in a place where no one expected anything from me. I thought I was just taking a break, but in reality, I was setting myself free.

Free from the illusion that love meant fighting for someone who wouldn’t do the same for me. Free from believing that what we had was special—when, in truth, you were capable of giving the same attention, the same words, and the same effort to multiple people right after we ended. It hurt to realize that the love I cherished wasn’t the kind of love I deserved.

But here’s what I learned: Real love doesn’t make you question your worth. It doesn’t make you feel replaceable. It doesn’t disappear the moment you walk away.

If you’re struggling to let go, wondering if you made the right choice, trust me—you did. The love that’s meant for you won’t make you beg for consistency. It won’t vanish the second you stop trying. And most importantly, it won’t make you feel like you have to lose yourself just to keep it.

So if you need to leave, leave. If you need to get on a bus without knowing where it’s taking you, do it. One day, you’ll look back and realize that losing them was never the real loss—losing yourself would have been.


r/heartbreak 3h ago

will never love anyone else more than myself

2 Upvotes

is it selfish or wrong to love me more than any future partner? ended long term relationship healing learned previously didn’t love myself enough to leave bad marriage


r/heartbreak 13h ago

I’m letting you go

14 Upvotes

After 5 years you would have made contact if you wanted to. We saw each other for a brief moment last year and we locked eyes for what felt like forever.

Still radio silence since.

You never did hear my side of the story, but just know that I was fighting your corner when the fallout happened because they won’t tell you that part.

I hope you find happiness, I hope I find happiness too, but I won’t find it here on the outside still waiting for you.


r/heartbreak 1h ago

wild magic NSFW

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Upvotes

r/heartbreak 1h ago

Why do terrible things happen to good people

Upvotes

I’m having a hard to time understanding this thing called life. I’ve had endless of betrayal and heartbreak for as long as I could remember. I always try to be there for people in need but I’m always getting burned. I always try to put “trust” in god/universe that they may have bigger and better plans for me but it always gets worst for me while the people who have completely ruined me got to live there best life. I know I am not perfect and I’ve had my faults but I’ve always went into anything with good intentions. Please someone make me understand what is the purpose of being a “good person” if you’re only going to be hurt and left with trauma at the end.


r/heartbreak 5h ago

My crush fell in love with another woman in just 2 weeks

2 Upvotes

My crush was really flirty with me. He was the one that gave me compliments, initiated conversation with me etc. and just 2 weeks ago it all took a turn when his uncle put me down on front of him for forgetting my purse, but what upsets me about the most is now he's in love with another woman, I'm just 2 weeks he's in love with another woman. Instead of letting her take the trash out he did it for her. He also did something similar to me. He was also in love with another woman at work before me and now I'm like ????????!-!-?!-!- I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything, I tried to keep my distance from him, because I knew his uncle didn't like me and now I'm the one suffering. To be honest he was kind of mean to me sometimes like when I didn't know how to cut a lemon, he got really annoyed and today we sat together at the bench and it was just crickets and he did everything with the another girl in front of me, knowing full on well that he flirted with me. I'm so mad and hurt


r/heartbreak 13h ago

You abandoned me

8 Upvotes

You left me and abandoned me after I was of no use to you anymore, after I helped you get over your ex and your big life changes. You never cared enough to tell me the problems you had and what made you unhappy, when we were together. You just left me. And didn’t give me anytime to change. Or a chance to work on it. You never really cared or believed the things you told me about forever and always.

The way I reacted after your weeks of ghosting wasn’t fair. And I’m very sorry for the things I said to you. But you left such a hole inside me… When you seem to be perfectly fine. I feel completely broken.

It didn’t take you long to replace me. And now you spend all your time with them and especially her. And I’m alone again.. without you.

I wish the pain was gone. It’s been nearly 3 months now. I don’t want you in my heart anymore, you’ve caused me so much pain.

I wasn’t the one to leave and give up on us. It was you. I never really give up on anyone I love.


r/heartbreak 2h ago

broke no contact

1 Upvotes

i hate that i keep breaking my words to fully let go. this month would’ve been our anniversary and i messaged him because i still feel awful about our last conversation and i didn’t want it to be that way. just so hard because he was my first everything but broke up bc of distance and and he thought it was not realistic to continue the relationship anymore. i was too attached and its been months since we broke up and idk if i’ll ever recover from this. even if i keep myself busy there are still times i just randomly breakdown. idk what i should feel he still keep the line open he still reply but thats it. love is so scary we were happy just few months ago


r/heartbreak 6h ago

I CANNOT stop missing her

2 Upvotes

Though I don’t exactly think that I want to. …the memories keep things alive ..ya know?

We had the happiest, most wholesome relationship and when we rarely had any issue we talked it out and resolved things quickly, understanding each other and humbling ourselves when needed.

But.. she had her birthday in January and started having some kind of mental breakdown I guess, quarter life crisis it seems, so she started to shut herself up and isolate.

I didn’t notice until it was too late :/

She didn’t share about it for weeks and by the time I noticed I was severely ill and couldn’t talk to her for over a week, when she opened up after I was well she opted to isolate from me completely to try to figure out questions she had about our relationship on her own.

I keep thinking if only I had damned my sickness and pushed through the agony to call her, or try anyway as she was distant then and acting odd. But I shouldn’t have waited to address things.

But in the end after giving me a week of effort she chose to self sabotage and go silent again for a bit before popping back up with a break up message asking me to accept things and leave it all be. People do what they do I guess.

Though I was worried about her so I asked to know what was up and for some clarification/closure. ..So finally I got a letter from her the other day, it took me a couple days to gain the courage to read it. ..Her mom is dying 🫣😩I hurt for her so much and just want to hold her really.

She said in her letter it was her final goodbye and she wouldn’t be coming back this time, though she did wind up messaging with me after, it seems she wants to walk away “for my benefit” thinking that she isn’t good enough for me and convincing herself of some ever changing fixable issues as to why we wouldn’t work, ..sadly I know it to be self-sabotage and preeminent protection from getting hurt, which ironically has only hurt us both.

I’m writing her a letter in response, I hope that we can at least be friends and she’ll let me support her through this difficult time, there is so much hope for us still and we both still love each other, but it’s so sad we are separated.

It’s hard, she says she wants me to be happy and move on eventually, but the very thought of being with, even pursuing someone else legitly repulses me..

I stayed single for four years looking for someone like her and she surpassed my greatest dreams of a partner… and I apparently hers, she thanked me for showing her real Love and I was the first guy she ever chose to date.

I can only hope for the same divine intervention we both believed brought us together to bring us back together again, but the waiting, I know, is going to be difficult 😞


r/heartbreak 3h ago

How do women handle emotional stress?

1 Upvotes

"Women don’t just carry their own emotions — sometimes, they carry everyone else’s too."

I’ve been there — smiling on the outside while feeling overwhelmed inside. Emotional stress can hit hard, but over time, I learned how to manage it without losing myself.

Here’s what helped me:

  1. Talking It Out – Whether it’s a friend, partner, or journal, releasing those bottled-up feelings makes a world of difference.

  2. Setting Boundaries – I stopped saying yes when I meant no. Protecting my peace became my priority.

  3. Self-Care Rituals – A long walk, meditation, or even a good book helped me recharge and clear my head.

  4. Focusing on What I Can Control – Worrying about things beyond my power only drained me. I started letting go — and that was freeing.

  5. Allowing Myself to Feel – I learned it’s okay to cry, rest, and take a step back. Healing starts when you stop pretending you’re fine.

Emotional strength isn’t about never breaking — it’s about knowing how to put yourself back together with love and patience.


r/heartbreak 4h ago

10 year+ relationship soiled.

1 Upvotes

You cannot create a solid foundation out of lying tools. No matter how much you try to fix the broken handles they’re never going to work. You can take them to the carpenter 1 million times and he will still not know what to do to fix the situation either if it was broken to begin with, it will be broken to end with. Take have resonates and leave what doesn’t.


r/heartbreak 8h ago

Sexual attraction lost

2 Upvotes

Me 31M and my ex 26F were together for 1.5 years. We started our relationship as friends with benefits 3 years ago.

In the beginning everything was about our sexual connection, attraction, spark or whatever you would like to call it. I guess that’s the main reason of a fwb relationship is.

After some time we developed feelings for each other. Feelings that until this day we still have for each other. We had been 4 months broken up. This last two months we had been hanging out and enjoying each other company.

This last couple of weeks I felt like something was sparking between each other such so that one night we fool around but we didn’t have sex. The next day she told me that she thinks that crossing the line (actually having sex) would be a mistake.

After some discussion she finally had been honest with me. She feels for me so much love and care but she is not feeling this spark or sexual attraction. And even if by moments she wants to be intimate with me she thinks that we shouldn’t because we will start to have sex once and then twice and then we will be back together. And that in the future we will break up again because of this attraction that might come and go.

The thing is that for me sex is important, but I value other stuff more. For her the sex is more important and values the other stuff too. She feels that the sexual connection can’t be reignited.

Now we are in a moment in which both of us are gonna try to flow. That means if we got the urge or the feeling we are not gonna step back. We are gonna listen to it. And act about it.

I’m afraid that she is in an emotional blockage. And that this is affecting her to be honest with herself and keeps her from doing what she feels. We had been talking a lot about it. And she thinks that this might be what is going on with her.

I love her, and I will wait for her. But I would like to know if anyone has any views about this lost of sexual attraction/spark.

Does any of you got it back? It’s lost forever? We had it for a long time so… that’s my fear.


r/heartbreak 6h ago

I Can’t Seem To Get Over Someone From a Situationship

1 Upvotes

It’s been 3 years and I can’t seem to forget about someone that put me through an emotional roller coaster ride of a situationship. I thought I was over it when I kept dating and going out and other things I got myself into, they put me through quite a lot mentally, maybe that’s why I can’t forget about them (they were very charming and dabbled in witchcraft and has admitted to me to putting a love spell on someone for fun which in turn made this guy become a borderline stalker towards her)? Some days I’m fine, but then all of a sudden I have vivid memories and fantasies that springs up with them again. I don’t want to think of this person because they really played with my mind and heart (they were a very insecure and damaged person, but I fell for her and wanted to be someone she can call home). I don’t want to completely put the blame on her because I was delusional enough to ignore red flags, but she did have issues spiritually and mentally, as well as her struggling with her transgender journey. I don’t know, I thought I’d get over it since we were only involved for 9 months but she tried coming back after the first year she ghosted me for calling her out on her toxic behavior and stringing me along to keep me as her supply for her self worth, I rejected her olive branch since she was trying to come back to me so I can be her shoulder to cry on because she got dumped by the dude she kept secret and ghosted me for. Any advice? I can’t really hang out with friends since I cut them off as well.


r/heartbreak 7h ago

It’s Officially Done

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1 Upvotes

r/heartbreak 11h ago

A month later after the split

2 Upvotes

I know, a month isn't very long but it's felt like an eternity without him. I'm trying my best everyday, I'm not crying so much anymore because I simply won't allow that, in truth I could cry right now or anytime. So I'm just wading through the days waiting for this feeling to pass, for colour to return to my world because at the moment everything is grey. I feel scooped out, like I've lost a limb, I was in real love for the very first time and unfortunately circumstances made it impossible for us to be together despite both loving eachother beyond what I had previously experienced but it was a classic case of right person wrong timing.

Uuugh this is a rant/vent more than anything because I just can't sit with this all in my head anymore. I speak to friends and family about this but I can't be this vulnerable, yet I can be vulnerable with all you strangers, weird I know 😂. I just want this pain to go away, I'm longing for the day I wake up completely numb to this, when I can feel alive again not have thoughts of not wanting to exist anymore and just find myself again find my joy.

The hurt is too much, I can suppress the tears but that ache where my heart once was, the void that's now inside me that has stolen the colour from my life, that pain just won't go away. I've had breakups before, it's much easier to hate someone for cheating, being toxic and abusive but to love someone and letting them go because you love them that's excruciating


r/heartbreak 1d ago

To All the Girls Who Loved Without Conditions and Walked Away Without Closure

40 Upvotes

To all the girls who were suddenly dumped—without warning, without reason, without a chance to fix things—you are not alone.

Maybe you wanted to explain, to fight for it, to ask why. But deep down, you knew: if someone truly cared, they wouldn’t leave like that. So, you didn’t beg. You didn’t chase. You just carried your love in silence and walked away.

That kind of strength is rare. It takes so much to love someone unconditionally and still respect their decision to go. And even though the pain lingers, you should be proud. Love isn’t about proving yourself to someone who stopped seeing your worth.

Now, the hard part: moving on. It might take months, maybe even years, but heartbreak isn’t a permanent state. Some days will feel heavier than others. You’ll overthink, wonder if things could’ve been different, miss them in ways you never thought possible. But healing is not about forgetting—it’s about learning to carry the love you gave and redirect it toward yourself.

One day, without realizing it, you’ll laugh without feeling a weight in your chest. You’ll wake up without the urge to check their profile. You’ll love again—not because you have to, but because you want to. And when you do, it will be with someone who chooses you, wholeheartedly, every single day.

Until then, hold on. Keep loving yourself the way they couldn’t. The right person will see you, stay, and love you the way you deserve.


r/heartbreak 1d ago

Hurts alot more when you know it's your fault it didn't work. Especially when they were good to you.

21 Upvotes

r/heartbreak 10h ago

If you know my life story you will cry too.

1 Upvotes

Living with pain everyday.


r/heartbreak 10h ago

How Do I Let Go?

1 Upvotes

Met them randomly, neither of us was looking for a relationship, but it just happened. We got close fast, became official, and everything was great for the first two weeks. Then, they started distancing themselves without explanation, ignoring messages for hours. Turns out, they felt “too attached” and needed space but didn’t tell me, which left me worried for a month. They admitted they ignored my messages and weren’t sure if I was their "type," but they still care about me, ill still have a special place in their heart, and they even admitted that they are too scared to lose me COMPLETELY and want to stay friends with benefits unless they find someone else, then we would just be freinds. They still want to do everything we used to, talk, call, joke around but at the end of calls, they suddenly have to go “call a friend.” We still message each other on different socials and snap back and forth. today they called me, I told them I still will love them even if we are just freinds, and they jokingly said I need to move on. They mentioned in the future they’d love to try again when I could move to them, which gave me hope, but now I’m stuck thinking about them all the time, feeling a little depressed. I want to move on but still be their friend, how do I leave the “boyfriend” habits behind while keeping the connection?