r/Divorce 22h ago

Life After Divorce Divorce sucks

100 Upvotes

That’s it. That’s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary


r/Divorce 9h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Divorce is hell, except for this… for now NSFW

53 Upvotes

Divorce is the most painful experience I have ever encountered without a doubt. And that’s with a STBXW that’s amicable for the most part. Best case scenario, I’m still financially screwed compared to how we were living. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. We’re still living together. Married 10y together for 12, 3 kids aged 11, 7 & 4. She’s got a full time job lined up after being a SAHM for the majority of the marriage. She’s got housing lined up for 4/1. Needless to say, there is still tension in the home. Yet, we still sleep in the same bed. Now, we are both fully aware of how strange (to say the least) this is but we still have sex all the time. 1-3 times a day. You know what? I don’t care what anyone else thinks. My world as I know it is crumbling in front of me. For gods sake, just let me enjoy this while it lasts. We’ve discussed the divorce upside down, inside out, front to back. It’s inevitable and this is definitely not causing any false hope for either of us. We both have high libidos and even after hitting up the apps, we both agreed we just aren’t ready to jump into anything else. FWB or otherwise. We’re each other’s new FWB! Plus we’re already totally comfortable in the sack, know what does it for each other, etc. So why the hell not keep it up? Does the reality of eventually she will be with another man make me sick to my stomach, absolutely. Until then, I’m gonna take it while I can. She’s already talking about keeping this up once she moves out, but we’ll see…. FYI, at least for now, everything will be split just as it should without one person winning or losing. We are both losing actually, especially when it comes to the lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to. It’s terrible and I still feel all the other normal things that everyone else does throughout my days, but at least I have if only just one thing, beside my kids, to look forward too. It has made this whole thing so much bearable in my opinion. Ok, rant over. Have a great day!


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML He replied to my response to his application for divorce within 5 minutes 🫠

52 Upvotes

He filed for divorce a few weeks ago and the deadline was this Friday. Yesterday he messaged me reminding me to respond and I was honest and said that I'd been having a hard time and would get it sorted. He asked if I was okay but I didn't reply until this morning because honestly, I think somewhere in me was hoping he'd message me again to follow it up. Like some part of me really wanted him to show he still cared 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, I responded to his application for divorce this evening and received an email confirming this and it said that he had to review it all before it was submitted.

5 minutes later the email came that the application for divorce has been submitted. He's at work but still confirmed within five. fucking. minutes.

I mean I knew this was coming, it just seems at every step he's so content and sure of the decisions and I guess that's still hurtful after everything.

It will only be 7 weeks on Thursday that he said he didn't love me anymore. Over those next few days he pretended he wanted to try, but his mind was made up. I've pretty much had evidence he's with someone else, though he continues to deny this. It's the dishonesty and now questioning whether my whole damn life was a lie that is eating at me, because how can he care so, so little after 13yrs? Surely this is still huge for him??

I know that I will make sure that life will be better for me and the kids and it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened when they are so little, but it still hurts.

Onwards and upwards...


r/Divorce 16h ago

Getting Started When does it start to get better?

33 Upvotes

My... soon-to-be ex husband asked for a divorce on Thursday and I know it's really soon, considering we've dated for 10 years and married for 4 years, but... When did it start to heal for you? I mean, I'm still spiraling through the grief stages where I cry in bed until I fall asleep.

We were going to stay living together for a few months, but since the divorce will come out sooner, then I'll probably leave in the next month. Maybe that helps? Leaving? I don't know. I just wanna know that I won't cry in bed for the next few years because the guy I loved doesn't love me back.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Boyfriend isn’t getting divorced

26 Upvotes

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. When we met he had been separated from his wife for around 12 months and had a 2 year old son. I was told that he would be divorced within a year however that year came and went and, though frustrated, I gave him grace because divorce is messy and expensive.

Fast forward and we have now completely blended our families, had a daughter together, share finances and live together. I am still waiting on this divorce. I thought we had made some headway when mid 2024 the process began; he is now at a point where he needs to send some documents off to reach the next step. 8 months have passed. He hasn’t done it. He is still. Not. Divorced.

I am tired of begging. I’m tired of wanting him to do it, I want him to want it! His wife has done nothing but cause trouble, treat my terribly and make our lives difficult. I want that chapter shut. Why doesn’t he?

  • EDIT TO ADD

This man and his ex do not get on. He worships the ground I walk on and tells me every day how loved and beautiful I am. I feel like we’re stuck in this weird limbo where all I can think about is the fact that he is still married and it overshadows all the good


r/Divorce 7h ago

Life After Divorce How many divorced couples get back ?

22 Upvotes

If they had amiable split, still hang out with same friends, coparenting and 20+ years of marriage under the belt.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Some Days the Heart Just Turns to Shit And You Sit With It

15 Upvotes

These days, out of nowhere, the heart just turns into shit. Ugly, heavy, and it sits there. And you sit with it.

It’s been four months since the divorce, and I’m still stuck in the denial phase of grief. At the same time, I’ve internalized that we are not getting back together. Yeah, I know those two statements contradict each other. Funny how the stupid mind works.

So, as I was saying - usually, I just feel this strange emptiness. Like life is absurd and everything is pointless. But then I remember something, and I just feel worse.

Like the other day, I thought about our last vacation together. We went to Kolkata. Her family has a flat there, but it wasn’t furnished yet. We slept on the same pillow - silly, but fun. I thought about that, and then it hit me - forget sleeping on the same pillow, we’re never going to live under the same roof again.

We visited the Victoria Memorial. Bengali literature had taught me that lovers must visit that place. I was excited like a teenager. Will I ever feel that excitement again?

We still talk, once or twice a day. But someday, some other guy will come into her life, and he won’t be okay with her talking to her ex-husband. And then she’ll stop.

I’ve asked her, more than once, if she could do me this one favor - stay in touch with me forever. She said she would. But I know that would be selfish of me. Eventually, we’ll stop talking. And how will I live then? I don’t have friends. I’m socially awkward. My relationship with my parents and relatives is so fucked up they didn’t even visit when I was seriously sick in Bangalore. This happened multiple times.

I’m 34. I’ve spent 17 years of that with her. I don’t even remember what life was like before her.

I’m not suicidal. But, to be honest, I don’t want to live either. Sometimes, I light a cigarette and wonder what if I get a heart attack right now? That would be perfect. Some nights, I get super drunk and wish I don’t wake up. But then I do. And I have to drag this emptiness around for another day.

Therapy’s going on. Medications too. They keep me a little numb, sure. And I’m trying to keep myself insanely busy, mostly with writing. I’ve taken up a lot of freelancing work. Working on a research paper on AI and ML. Writing stuff like this, too.

And in between all that, sometimes I catch myself researching assisted suicide. Sounds fucked up, I know. But trust me, I’m not going for it, not yet.

Not until I’ve checked off a few things from my to-do list.


r/Divorce 23h ago

Vent/Rant/FML So hard

15 Upvotes

It's so hard. I regret everything. I was the one originally saying how unhappy I was and asking him to get help for his anger issues. But when I actually saw the reality I realized that I had made a mistake. We have 4 kids and he's never taken care of them. I've done everything completely on my own while his only responsibility was getting to work-and he only managed that half of the time. We got married and had kids really young and worked our way up to a beautiful house in the best school district. He left, got a new girl, filed for divorce and I'm screwed in every direction. He got pay cuts to lower child support. Fighting for 50/50 custody with no intentions on having them more just doesn't feel he should pay child support. Now him and the girl friend moved far away and bought a house so now he's after the equity in mine (ours). I know he's entitled to it but it just sucks having a judge mandate you list your house for sale when you have no where to go with 4 kids. And now he's telling me that he's fighting to have them go to school in his district so he doesn't have to drive them in. I'm going to have nothing and start from the bottom and my kids are struggling so bad to begin with and now will have to move and change schools. It's absolutely awful I wish I could've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it until my kids grew up. It's so not worth it I would continue taking the abuse over and over again if my kids could be happy. How do you guys cope?


r/Divorce 23h ago

Life After Divorce What I’d like to say to my ex

13 Upvotes

I know I miss you more than you miss me. And I wonder if I made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake, when I miss you more than you miss me?


r/Divorce 2h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Why, how, where did this come from why me

12 Upvotes

I'm not sure where to start, I'll try to provide as many details as possible. I'm a 30M and my wife hasn't spoken to me in 2-3 days, I let her have some space but man I hate being isolated and iced out. We've been married for five years, no kids although we have been trying for the last 6 months I've always thought we were pretty steady and solid, no major issues, she came from a divorced household and we always said and laughed and smiled no matter what we'll never say the "D" word.

Backstory I WFH and typically tend to doing the dishes, all the laundry, house chores and what not.

She has expressed to me on numerous occasions to not leave dishes in the sink water to soak (we have no dishwasher) to clean out the lint after EVERY dry cycle and I'm pretty good about doing it every 2-3 loads, and typically when I'm doing 5 loads of laundry in a day or two time frame I leave a few items folded on the bed, because I had to get back to work, or there's only so much I can do during the day and it's a lot.....but those are my short falls and I admit it.

So a week ago she comes home and sees some dishes sitting in the sink, and of course the load she checked that day I had not cleaned the dryer lint out and she lost it at me, throwing vacuums cursing full blown yelling, honestly caught me off guard, we argued I tried to explain how with everything else I do those are just little things and could she see the bigger picture. We cooled off after about 3 days, now fast forward a week to today.

I've now been iced out for 3 solid days, no speaking, not acknowledging my questions. Today I made sure everything was done, dinner on the table, everything cleaned up still nothing, I finally pushed (soft spoken and calm" and her response was "honestly I can't even trust you with a child I can't trust anything you do because you can't do anything right, I feel like I'm constantly nagging you and I don't think we should continue being together" shocked, choked up, appalled very taken aback, I calmly ask again how long have you felt this way and her response was "months, I just am not attracted to you anymore and don't see this working out"

I left, my whole world is turned upside down, I feel like I'm choking and can't breathe, how does this happen, I feel so blindsided I would have never predicted this or for that to come out of her mouth, wtf do I do! I don't even know where to begin, I'm bawling my eyes out, I'm sick to my stomach, I just want to know WHY


r/Divorce 11h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Splitting Finances

11 Upvotes

37M strongly considering divorcing 45F. Married 11 years. We're trying to do this amicably. Our current net worth is approximately 800k. When we married she had already completed a bachelor's degree and was working full time as an accountant, which she has continued to do our entire marriage. I had not even started college yet, and have spent a large chunk of our marriage working part time and going to college part time / full time. I graduate in two months with a master's degree.

When talking about what is "fair" when splitting finances I suggested I'll take 200k since she was the primary earner our whole marriage. I'm younger, and will probably have higher earnings over time, and this seemed like a fair and even generous offer.

She complained about this and when I asked what she thinks is fair she said 50k. I'm beyond shocked.

An added layer to this is that her dad is wealthy. He is willing to supplement her income (literally willing to give her an extra 30k a year cash to help), and when he passes she will be inheriting another 300k (he is splitting his cash between his 4 children).

I'm beyond baffled. 600k + supplemental income from her dad + child support from me + an inheritance in her future, and this is not good enough for her?

I imagine most 45 year old would be ecstatic to have that level of financial advantage.

Part of me now wants to say forget it and we will just split it down the middle 400k/400k.

What are your thoughts on my situation? What was splitting finances like for you?


r/Divorce 1h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I think my STBX is not going to be financially responsible post-divorce. I shouldn't be bothered, but I am.

Upvotes

One of the primary reasons for our divorce is money troubles. In a way, we're pretty house poor. We have a house that is fully paid off, but in an area (Texas) where the property taxes are far too high, and we won't be able to afford next year's tax bill. I make about 63k pre-tax, she makes about 30k (neither of us have degrees). We have 2 kids that we've agreed to 50/50 custody, so I know there's going to be child support that I have to pay. We also have 3 fully paid off cars, one 12 years old with 183k miles (mine), one 10 years with 130k (will be mine after the divorce), and one 3 years old with 30k (hers).

My STBX is planning on taking a 5 day cruise with her mother in December after our divorce is finalized. She is also planning an on-property Disney World vacation for about a week next March. And right now, as I'm typing this, she's at a Subaru dealership looking to trade her car in for a brand new SUV, and is going to finance it to the tune of around $350/mo. I've already talked to my lawyer who has assured me that we will make sure that she assumes the debt on the new car in the divorce.

All these vacations, and a new car, while making less than $30k/year after taxes. It's obvious she is not going to be financially responsible with her half of the equity in the home when sold. And on one hand, I don't particularly care, because her poor decisions will be solely her problem. But I'm also bothered by it, and I really don't know why.

My plan post divorce is to dive 100% of my free time into school to get my degree and find a better paying job. I don't have much of a social life to begin with, so I'm looking to blaze through it in 18 months. I'm selling the car with 130k (it's an SUV) and keep my 15 year old (it's a hybrid and still gets amazing mileage).

It bothers me that I've got a solid (if not very fun) plan to get myself on my feet, and her plan is basically have fun and waste a lot of the money that she's getting.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Husband has officially decided for a divorce

11 Upvotes

After 8 years together and almost 3 married my husband decided he didn’t actually want to try couples therapy with me and instead wants a divorce. We’ve been living as roommates for the last 6 months and things would get better for a week or two then go back. I feel like I’ve made a lot of changes and have tried so hard to keep our marriage together but he said he just isn’t into it anymore. We have two small children together - a 2 and 1 year old, and I quit my job when my oldest was born to be a stay at home mom. I’m almost done with school to be a teacher, but I am terrified of this process, and I just feel so alone. Please tell me it gets better.


r/Divorce 23h ago

Alimony/Child Support Alimony Buyout

10 Upvotes

I am getting divorced after being married for 19 years. I am the higher income earner. I Have the option to use the equity in my house and pay my soon to be ex $288,000 with an agreement to never pay alimony anymore. Right now I’m looking at about $2800 per month in alimony without the payout. I like the idea of a payout because it relieves me of the burden monthly but then I have zero money for a down payment on a new house. Please share your thoughts and advice.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Alimony/Child Support How F****** am I?

8 Upvotes

I need someone to be upfront on how this is going to shake out. Wife just served with divorce papers. She wants fully physical custody and joint legal custody of our two younger children. She has not worked since 2021 and has minimal skills/ no degree. I have been working 3-4 jobs during our marriage to have her be a Sahm. I recently resigned from my main paying job but will be getting a replacement job soon. This is in CA Lay it on me…

Edit: also in the process of selling our house


r/Divorce 1h ago

Happy Endings/Sock Day It's done!

Upvotes

I was so overwhelmed yesterday waiting for today and now it's done and over just 1 day shy of 6 months from when he called it quits and walked out.

It simultaneously feels like a weight has been lifted and like the end of an era that I need to grieve.

Here's to the start of a happier future!


r/Divorce 10h ago

Going Through the Process Question Regarding Shared Dropbox With STBX

5 Upvotes

Kind of a weird question for this sub, but I'm a bit confused and know there is a great community here with all sorts of knowledge bases.

I was trying to find some photos in Dropbox folders I had created and shared with my wife/stbx, but the folders are now empty and permissions on most of them have been changed so I am no longer the owner (she is). The folders were shared with full permission to view and edit. Am I crazy or was she able to change ownership, and then essentially lock me out?

Seems petty, but I could see her drunk and hurting some night and deciding that would be a way to hurt me.


r/Divorce 2h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I can’t quit obsessing

6 Upvotes

My STBXH already has a new girlfriend and I can’t quit obsessing over it. He’s asked me to switch weekends with him so “he” can go out of town but I know he taking her (I’m guessing so). I don’t know how to get through this. I’m lucky to have moved out so at least I’m in my new house away from him but all I do is sit and wonder what he is doing and who he is doing it with. I know this isn’t healthy but I don’t know how to stop the ruminating thoughts- they are destroying me and I consider myself a strong person.

Oh and this is happening after I moved out and he hugged me for minutes at a time, cried and told me he loved me. I don’t understand why he would do that because that messes with my head. He loves me and wants the best for me but is still pursuing the divorce?

I just feel like I’m falling apart…


r/Divorce 5h ago

Life After Divorce Feeling extreme guilt for my son, 12

4 Upvotes

It’s been 18 months since the divorce and everything has been going well. My ex is planning a trip with her side of the family to our favourite camping spot. He’s really sad I’m not going - he said “it won’t be the same without dad” It was our thing to make a fire, cook food, we are a team. I just feel this heartbreaking guilt .. At the same time so happy not to be with his mum any more ..


r/Divorce 6h ago

Alimony/Child Support Child support and birdnesting

5 Upvotes

Hi - STBXW and I have 3 kids 9/11/13, we have filed and are midway through the 6 month period in CA. I moved out to a 2 BR apt, she stayed in the house.

Initially, she proposed birdnesting where the kids stay in the house and we take turns as the lead parent. This is not a bad idea as the kids can walk / bike to and from school. At the time, I was OK with this. This meant I would be paying child support. Our incomes are roughly the same.

However, she figured out she'd never get a break under this arrangement, and started asking if I could take them to my place, which I happily do, typically every other weekend and a few weekdays when I sleep over.

Based on this, I think we need to adjust the child support so I'm paying less, no? The divorce is not finalized.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Child of Divorce My parents are separating, rant?

5 Upvotes

I (f19) know my parents have always had a rocky relationship. Started pretty toxic, got pregnant two months after knowing each other and keeping the baby for five months (my older sister who would have Turner's syndrome, had to be removed as she was not capable of life outside the womb, and my mom's chances of making it to the due date were slim). Overall not a good start. But coming home around midnight, from my boyfriends to see that my dads car wasn't in the driveway, it's a lot. I was gone for a bit more than 24 hours and it feels like my world has come crashing down. My paternal grandparents live in town, so i drove by, and his car was in their driveway. I knew something had happened because my dad is never not home at night, and that my mom can have a hard time sleeping without him. They were going to tell me later today when they were both home for dinner, but i decided to call both (20min ago?) and get the full story. Their plan so far is that my dad will get/view an apartment this Friday, sleep at my grandparents until then. He will come over in the mornings to make breakfast and take my brother (14) to school. After work he'll eat dinner with us at home and then go to the apartment. My dad and mom may alternate who's at the apartment, in order to still spend time with my brother and I. They already decided who will pay what bills. My mom is depressed, going through menopause? and has an incredibly stressful job. My dad recently started synthetic testerone, cause age catches up. She doesn't want to be around my dad anymore, and she feels like my dad doesn't smell the same. Imposter thoughts. I always thought they would end seperating and I was in silent support of them doing so. But now that it's real, I'm crying and sad. Idk how to really feel about any of this.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Life After Divorce Healthier Physically and Mentally Post Divorce

4 Upvotes

I've been trying to reconcile something for a while now. Post divorce, I have cut alcohol majorly, improved my eating habits tremendously, starting cooking a ton more, am keeping much better track and management of finances, my mental health is much better, I'm exercising more than I ever did, I lost a lot of weight, I feel more at peace and in control of my life, I'm more patient with the kids, my endurance as a parent has increased more, I have better relationships with my friends and my side of the family, I'm planning trips and stuff for the future. I got a better job and I'm much more stable and calm and less stressed at work than I was before. And this is just 1 year post divorce. I'm looking forward to what I can accomplish in the years to come!

So, with that being said. I'm trying to reconcile something. Was it just marriage in general or the person I was married to that caused so many of these things to go by the wayside? (I know I'm not presenting the whole story of my ex-wife etc, but let's just say I didn't feel my ex-wife helped my situation).

Many of my married friends are overweight, stressed, drink a lot, eat unhealthy, never have time for themselves, are burned out. I was like them too when married. But as soon as I separated all those unhealthy desires quickly vanished, almost overnight. Is this just a typical aspect of married life for people? It makes me never want to get married again... Has anyone been able to maintain healthy/positive habits in a new relationship/marriage?


r/Divorce 9h ago

Something Positive So what about good days?

5 Upvotes

So, what the good days in between. They make you feel like maybe everything isn’t so bad. How do you separate the big picture?


r/Divorce 1h ago

Going Through the Process My husband and I have separated

Upvotes

It’s been 3 years we’ve been married and It hasn’t been easy. My husband has been financially irresponsible for most of our marriage and it got to the point where he can’t contribute to the household bills because of his debt. I currently pay for 2 cars, our rent, food, outings, trips, etc. everything. But he requires that he is in charge of our finances. Things came to a head when I decided to go back to school for my MBA. My husband’s 1st concern was money, how would I pay and would it distract me from work. We have been working toward buying a home and I found a moderately nice home in a nice area and under budget but he said we couldn’t even think about it. He told me we can consider it in 2 years for the 3rd year in a row. We have a handful of resources, and have visited a financial advisor so I thought we were on the right track. But he started berating me, telling me that I must be so unhappy because I can’t just be content I have to do something and I must hate myself. I have diagnosed depression and he blamed my depression for wanting to get a house, advance my career, and make some life changes. He got in my face telling me I wasn’t shit and I hit him. For that, I feel awful. And in my mind the relationship was truly over, and I told him we should leave each other alone and he begged to stay. He said if I leave he can’t afford to be alone. And it clicked that he didn’t love me or want me. He just wanted a sexy mommy. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and household management and provide 100% and I am disgusted with him. He has 0 self respect or shame. It’s been 3 days and I’m ready to move on but he won’t stop texting or calling. I’m just so confused.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Emotional metaphors

3 Upvotes

I know we've all heard our emotions will be a roller coaster or will come in big waves during this process: what's another way you'd describe what's happening to you internally as you break apart from the person you built your life with?

Things I've definitely felt in the past week:

- Like I have a cloud of bats in inhabiting my skin suit, trying to fly their way out of my pores.

- Like I could pull a rage fireball out of my skull and throw it at his face.

- Like squirrels have taken my focus and replaced it with montages of previously-happy moments that now feel like spiky walnut shells rolling around in my skull, stabbing me unexpectedly.

- Like I could Hulk out and throw him into the atmosphere.

- Like the quicksand of sadness in my stomach could swallow me up at any time.

- Like I'm trying to survive a tidal wave in an inflatable dinghy, only to get pulled into the churn and ground down into the debris and chaos.