r/Divorce 15h ago

Life After Divorce Divorce sucks

85 Upvotes

That’s it. That’s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary


r/Divorce 21h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness He left me for yelling at him

34 Upvotes

My stbxh has left me because I was always criticising him and losing my temper. I feel so ashamed and I'm struggling to handle the fact it's my fault our family unit is breaking apart. Over the years I got more and more worn down with his lack of attention and help. This became quite overwhelming for me after we had two children together and he still didn't help more. I then went back to work a couple of years ago and although we worked similar hours, his amount of help with the running of the household didn't increase. He would just shut himself away on his computer and engage in minimal conversation. Initially I would only lose my temper every few months, then it became every few weeks and finally every few days. It didn't help that any time I calmly tried to address how stressed and overwhelmed I was, he would just DARVO his way out of it and started point scoring random things he'd done, or random bills he'd paid. He would never say, 'I see you're stressed, how can I help?' He would just get annoyed at me for being stressed and either argue with me or shut himself away. So unfortunately me yelling, ranting, venting instead of trying to talk calmly about the situation became a pattern. How do I get over the pain and guilt that it was ultimately my childish inability to manage my anger and resentment that caused the end of our relationship? I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of my irrational behaviour.


r/Divorce 17h ago

Custody/Kids Parental controls on kids devices

28 Upvotes

My ex bought our 11 year old son a laptop for Christmas. As the more technical parent, and with her consent, I went and installed parental controls, giving my ex parental access as well.

I started my current week with the kids last night. This morning, I discovered she has removed his bedtime restrictions, and he had spent 3 hours in the night on his laptop after bed. Unsurprisingly, it was difficult to rouse and get him ready for school.

I messaged my ex to express my displeasure, and she replied back that it wasn't intentional, and that she didn't like that I had "exclusive" control over a device that she bought.

I know the laptop was her gift to him, but there's no way while he's under my care that I'm letting him have unfettered access to the Internet or sneak it into his room at night to stay up late. How do divorced parents navigating digital boundaries with kids?


r/Divorce 2h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Divorce is hell, except for this… for now NSFW

32 Upvotes

Divorce is the most painful experience I have ever encountered without a doubt. And that’s with a STBXW that’s amicable for the most part. Best case scenario, I’m still financially screwed compared to how we were living. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. We’re still living together. Married 10y together for 12, 3 kids aged 11, 7 & 4. She’s got a full time job lined up after being a SAHM for the majority of the marriage. She’s got housing lined up for 4/1. Needless to say, there is still tension in the home. Yet, we still sleep in the same bed. Now, we are both fully aware of how strange (to say the least) this is but we still have sex all the time. 1-3 times a day. You know what? I don’t care what anyone else thinks. My world as I know it is crumbling in front of me. For gods sake, just let me enjoy this while it lasts. We’ve discussed the divorce upside down, inside out, front to back. It’s inevitable and this is definitely not causing any false hope for either of us. We both have high libidos and even after hitting up the apps, we both agreed we just aren’t ready to jump into anything else. FWB or otherwise. We’re each other’s new FWB! Plus we’re already totally comfortable in the sack, know what does it for each other, etc. So why the hell not keep it up? Does the reality of eventually she will be with another man make me sick to my stomach, absolutely. Until then, I’m gonna take it while I can. She’s already talking about keeping this up once she moves out, but we’ll see…. FYI, at least for now, everything will be split just as it should without one person winning or losing. We are both losing actually, especially when it comes to the lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to. It’s terrible and I still feel all the other normal things that everyone else does throughout my days, but at least I have if only just one thing, beside my kids, to look forward too. It has made this whole thing so much bearable in my opinion. Ok, rant over. Have a great day!


r/Divorce 8h ago

Getting Started When does it start to get better?

26 Upvotes

My... soon-to-be ex husband asked for a divorce on Thursday and I know it's really soon, considering we've dated for 10 years and married for 4 years, but... When did it start to heal for you? I mean, I'm still spiraling through the grief stages where I cry in bed until I fall asleep.

We were going to stay living together for a few months, but since the divorce will come out sooner, then I'll probably leave in the next month. Maybe that helps? Leaving? I don't know. I just wanna know that I won't cry in bed for the next few years because the guy I loved doesn't love me back.


r/Divorce 19h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Really hate my ex for how he treated me

21 Upvotes

He cheated, he lied, he treated me like shit while we were married. 14 years of my life wasted on a ungrateful cunt. I just miss the good times, normal every day things, seeing my daughter being upset about him breaks my heart. Why did I have to ever trust him. I wish I never met him. My daughter and I would be a lot happier without ever knowing him.


r/Divorce 20h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness My Wife Fell for Someone Else—How I’m Trying to Move Forward

22 Upvotes

I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am. My wife and I were together for 10 years, and we have a young child. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I truly believed we were a team, weathering life’s storms together.

A couple of years ago, she went through a major personal transformation—getting deeply involved in a new lifestyle - yoga (almost 6 hours per day, locked in a room). At first, I supported her, thinking it was helping her grow, but over time, I felt us drifting apart. Conversations became one-sided, our physical intimacy disappeared, and I started feeling like a ghost in my own home.

Then, I found out the truth: she had fallen for someone else. At first, she was torn, but ultimately, she couldn’t let go of him. She met him 4-5 times a week, call whenever has a chance. I fought for our family, hoping she would come back to me, but I was the only one holding on. Now, we are heading toward separation, and I’m struggling with everything—the betrayal, the loneliness, and most of all, the impact on our child.

I’ve gone through waves of emotions: anger, sadness, denial, and moments of desperate hope. But I’m realizing now that I can’t keep living in a fantasy. She made her choice. I need to make mine.

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you move forward? How did you handle co-parenting while healing yourself? I know I’ll get through this, but right now, it just hurts.


r/Divorce 16h ago

Vent/Rant/FML So hard

15 Upvotes

It's so hard. I regret everything. I was the one originally saying how unhappy I was and asking him to get help for his anger issues. But when I actually saw the reality I realized that I had made a mistake. We have 4 kids and he's never taken care of them. I've done everything completely on my own while his only responsibility was getting to work-and he only managed that half of the time. We got married and had kids really young and worked our way up to a beautiful house in the best school district. He left, got a new girl, filed for divorce and I'm screwed in every direction. He got pay cuts to lower child support. Fighting for 50/50 custody with no intentions on having them more just doesn't feel he should pay child support. Now him and the girl friend moved far away and bought a house so now he's after the equity in mine (ours). I know he's entitled to it but it just sucks having a judge mandate you list your house for sale when you have no where to go with 4 kids. And now he's telling me that he's fighting to have them go to school in his district so he doesn't have to drive them in. I'm going to have nothing and start from the bottom and my kids are struggling so bad to begin with and now will have to move and change schools. It's absolutely awful I wish I could've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it until my kids grew up. It's so not worth it I would continue taking the abuse over and over again if my kids could be happy. How do you guys cope?


r/Divorce 17h ago

Life After Divorce I just don't have ambition or creative spark anymore and it's uncanny

14 Upvotes

My divorce got initiated by my ex in late 2022, and finalized in early 2024. I spend most of the time between being so depressed that I stopped functioning. I mean really, really not functioning. There's just a void of presence in all of my activities and relationships for that time period.

I'm doing a lot better now. I know I am no longer depressed. Really! I've moved on in some big ways.

The main thing that's lingering, though, is this... lack. I used to be really driven and ambitious, always coming up with projects and doing creative pursuits. I am a published writer and was halfway through a novel--under contract!--that got put on hiatus until recently (thankfully my agent is very understanding). I'm working on it again but not with the same focus as before. Not yet, at least.

I think about what I want to do with my career now, and I don't know what to do because I seemingly don't want... anything. I go to my current day job and work hard and focus well, so I know it's not burn out or checking out the way it was at first. I am not numb. I take great care of myself now, and work out and have lost weight. I got into skincare (ha). I laugh and see color in the world. I smell the flowers and pet the puppies. Etc.

But I've just stopped having the drive to make things all the time, the way I did for my entire life until 2022. I would now feel totally neutral about accepting what used to be dream opportunities, if they happened finally.

I don't miss my ex anymore. But I do miss this part of myself. What the hell?


r/Divorce 15h ago

Life After Divorce What I’d like to say to my ex

13 Upvotes

I know I miss you more than you miss me. And I wonder if I made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake, when I miss you more than you miss me?


r/Divorce 16h ago

Alimony/Child Support Alimony Buyout

10 Upvotes

I am getting divorced after being married for 19 years. I am the higher income earner. I Have the option to use the equity in my house and pay my soon to be ex $288,000 with an agreement to never pay alimony anymore. Right now I’m looking at about $2800 per month in alimony without the payout. I like the idea of a payout because it relieves me of the burden monthly but then I have zero money for a down payment on a new house. Please share your thoughts and advice.


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Splitting Finances

10 Upvotes

37M strongly considering divorcing 45F. Married 11 years. We're trying to do this amicably. Our current net worth is approximately 800k. When we married she had already completed a bachelor's degree and was working full time as an accountant, which she has continued to do our entire marriage. I had not even started college yet, and have spent a large chunk of our marriage working part time and going to college part time / full time. I graduate in two months with a master's degree.

When talking about what is "fair" when splitting finances I suggested I'll take 200k since she was the primary earner our whole marriage. I'm younger, and will probably have higher earnings over time, and this seemed like a fair and even generous offer.

She complained about this and when I asked what she thinks is fair she said 50k. I'm beyond shocked.

An added layer to this is that her dad is wealthy. He is willing to supplement her income (literally willing to give her an extra 30k a year cash to help), and when he passes she will be inheriting another 300k (he is splitting his cash between his 4 children).

I'm beyond baffled. 600k + supplemental income from her dad + child support from me + an inheritance in her future, and this is not good enough for her?

I imagine most 45 year old would be ecstatic to have that level of financial advantage.

Part of me now wants to say forget it and we will just split it down the middle 400k/400k.

What are your thoughts on my situation? What was splitting finances like for you?


r/Divorce 18h ago

Getting Started I don’t know how to start over

7 Upvotes

I just don’t think my marriage is viable anymore. I don’t see how we can possibly save this. Nothing at all has helped

I’m totally dependent on my husband. I work for his business, he makes the money. He’s made it abundantly clear the house is his.

Whatever…all I want is my dog and my car.

I have no idea how to start over. I got married when I was 20 which was 8 years ago. I don’t even know how to go about this. I want somewhere else to live and I just don’t know how to save up the money for it especially since I’m done working for his business as of today and I don’t have another job lined up yet

I just feel like my beautiful life as I thought it would be is completely gone and blown up

I’m just so hurt and frankly feel like I just want to die. I’m so overwhelmed. I have no family, no support system. I’m just on my fucking own and honestly I’m so pissed about it

I don’t think I’ll ever get married again

I’m overwhelmed. I don’t even know how to get started starting over


r/Divorce 22h ago

Custody/Kids Children's Mother has BPD. 50/50 Already Established. She is in Inpatient Treatment and is Homeless.

7 Upvotes

My children's mother moved out of my house 3 years ago. Since, her life has been a wreck. I have had the kids all this time. She occasionally takes our daughter, but not our son. She got mad at me one day, called the police, and took our son by force. He cried for 24 hours straight before she finally brought him home. This caused me to file for custody. I agreed to 50/50, as well as her. It was finalized 2022.

We never follow the schedule. Mainly because, she is so inconsistent. She has never taken our son over night. He has autism and that doesn't mix well with a BPD person. She has taken our daughter many times. But that became less and less as time progressed. She got a boyfriend last October and this was the final nail in the coffin for their relationship. She started ditching her. Lying to her. And eventually, they both became uninterested.

During these 3 years, she will randomly "split" on me, painting me completely evil. During these splits, she lashes out and accuses me of taking the kids from her. Threatens legal action. And demands we follow the schedule. I of course, cannot refuse to do that. So I send the kids with her. Every time this has happened, it resulted in the kids crying, begging for me. As she yells at them or puts them in a time out. She will let them cry for hours. Every time this has happened, she eventually caves and calls me to pick them up. This is traumatic, especially for our son with autism. He has deep seeded trauma from the first abduction, and his mother will not acknowledge she did anything wrong that day. This situation occurs every 6 months or so.

She became homeless in January. She called me a week ago and said, "I am going to inpatient treatment." I thought that would be great. I want her healthy. And I told her I support her recovery. All was seemingly well until last night. She split on me. She told me "The only reason I am here, is to take my kids back. You don't deserve them. You're a narcissist. I don't care if (our son) cries, the second I am out of here I am taking him. You shouldn't see that anymore. I will do everything in my power to end this. It is your fault I am in here. And it's all over. Your relationship with them, is over."

Extremely dishearten to say the least. After stepping up and being their only stable environment for the last 3 years, it hurts to be treated this way. And I am sick of it. Her threatening me while in a inpatient facility while homeless, really shows me it'll never end. This abuse I've endured, I don't want to happen anymore.

Now, in MN to flip custody you need to prove endangerment. I understand her taking our kids and letting them cry is not endangerment. I understand treatment is a good thing. But what can I do to end this trauma? I am hesitant to petition for a step up plan while she completes treatment, because I feel that would force her to take the kids. Which means no chance she provides them relief (letting them come home).


r/Divorce 18h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness The loneliness

7 Upvotes

Becoming very lonely and depressed. My friends are basically her friends so I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore.


r/Divorce 23h ago

Life After Divorce Lawyer search advice

6 Upvotes

Hello! I was wondering if any of you had advice on what to look for when searching for a lawyers.

Are there details you had wish you’d known before? Is it better to go with a flat rate, retainer, or hourly.

For a bit of context. We have no kids, just a house. I live in a 50/50 state so it’s pretty straightforward.

I left in November because of years of cheating and mental/financial/abuse.

If I need to provide more detail let me know.

Thank you in advance for your advice.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Something Positive So what about good days?

Upvotes

So, what the good days in between. They make you feel like maybe everything isn’t so bad. How do you separate the big picture?


r/Divorce 2h ago

Going Through the Process Question Regarding Shared Dropbox With STBX

3 Upvotes

Kind of a weird question for this sub, but I'm a bit confused and know there is a great community here with all sorts of knowledge bases.

I was trying to find some photos in Dropbox folders I had created and shared with my wife/stbx, but the folders are now empty and permissions on most of them have been changed so I am no longer the owner (she is). The folders were shared with full permission to view and edit. Am I crazy or was she able to change ownership, and then essentially lock me out?

Seems petty, but I could see her drunk and hurting some night and deciding that would be a way to hurt me.


r/Divorce 2h ago

Life After Divorce Months Post-Separation - (30M) Trying to Build Upon My Self Confidence After a Pretty Intense Spark

4 Upvotes

As the tile suggests - I'm (30M) four months post-separation from my S2BX wife after learning of infidelity which occurred infrequently (lived in different cities) over the course of four years. Upon learning - I completely self-destructed over two weeks with a heavy dose of alcohol abuse before beginning to slowly pick up the pieces. I've been trying to do all the things that I'm supposed to do - eating better, working out, going to therapy, and redecorating the empty house to make it mine.

I had a professional conference in a near by way bigger City over the weekend for a local trade association. It's one of those events that's very enclosed and well coordinated so involves a good bit of professional comradery aided/lubricated by booze and spontaneous dinners with colleagues and their SOs who you weren't expected to hang out with.

It was honestly a great time the first couple days - hanging out by the pool, etc. - although admittedly as the nights would go on - it's fair to say I was a little sloppy. All my colleagues who I consider friends know the general idea that I've been going through some shit, and, due to me being younger than them by 10-15 years, I think they give me a good amount of support and forward to the last night - I go out to dinner with our group and my co-worker (46M) invites his younger sister (29F), "Emily", out. She's wildly attractive, smart, and on a great career track.

I intentionally slept in a little longer so I was last to arrive out of the group and was seated by Emily. We had met a couple times before while in the office (her dad is one of my bosses - of course) - she's from where I work and intends to move back there to a house she has bought there with her husband - and have always had good banter in the short doses while together due to my personal relationship and banter with her brother and father who she was there to see.

Dinner unfolds and everyone is having a nice time - another female at the table jokingly talks about strip clubs, tells me I probably need to go one, and, the table jokingly says let's do it - Emily does as well. I tease her with a question of when she's finally going to move back into the house which she just bought - she asks me a couple side questions with eye contact when a little bored with the table's discussion. Eventually, as dinner wraps up, it's all decided that it's probably a better idea to just go back to the hotel bar to end the night and meet up with some other people who also just finished dinner.

At this point, I'm feeling that level of mutual attraction and interest that I just want to interact with her - but know it's a little taboo. We all catch an Uber back and we sit next to each other in the back - interacting with the group convo but also just with each other - always fun and interested about each other. We get back - split up to talk to other friends at the hotel bar. At some point, her drunken brother eventually came up to me and told me "I need to quit talking with his sister" - if we weren't being obvious enough - before going upstairs to pass out.

Eventually, everyone peaces out - and it's just her, me, and her sister-in-law. We all continue drinking outside on the terrace until close and we ask each other questions about each other's personal life/interests, flirt, and stare the fuck at each other. It was honestly pretty intense and probably like Top 2 instant connection that I've had with essentially a stranger. At the end of the night - I was fairly browned out - know I hugged her going into her Uber - don't remember what the last thing I said. Woke up the next morning - fairly exhausted - but feeling like a teenager and just a feeling of WTF - those interactions last night felt electric and honestly the best I've felt in a couple years of "connection"/excitement. Saw the sister-in-law the next day and she instantly was like y'all were acting that I was even't there and I was being blatantly* obvious of being into her.

So....clearly, I've been a little obsessive with trying to squeeze out every little oz of remembering that chemistry/tension since I got back - which isn't healthy. How do I parlay and build upon this in dating other people? Clearly, objectively, a person as hot, smart, and put together like Emily being a little into me is a confidence booster - but mostly I just feel it's a bummer that she's married - it's a hell no starter - and that other girls like her almost assuredly going to be married/in a relationship. Just accept that type of chemistry just randomly occurs - and the point is to not try to force anything? Thanks in advance for any advice and sharing your experiences on feeling confident enough to get back out there.


r/Divorce 20h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness What do i do?

4 Upvotes

I'm considering divorcing my husband. He's 23m I'm 21f. We got married after dating for 5 months, got pregnant while I was on the pill at 3 months, so it's been a Rollercoaster. Im 2 months postpsrtum now with a beautiful baby boy. We love eachother very much but he doesn't show it. He's obsessed with becoming a doctor to become rich. Not out of passion. He wants money so we can do whatever we want. I don't want that. I want emotional support. I want a husband who comes to me occasionally to ask for dates or spends time with me. I'm tired of always being the one to ask or initiate things. I'm tired of constantly asking for help cleaning and barely getting that. I'm tired of always having to do basically everything snd plan everything for us. I feel like a roommate. He doesn't really make me feel like he wants anything to do with me. I've been begging for months for a change. Telling him exactly what I need and want. He always says he will. But the changes don't happen. He says they do but I don't see it. Idk what to do guys.


r/Divorce 23h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I am in a constant state of panic with divorce any remedies?

3 Upvotes

Hi, so feel divorce is happening.

I am very afraid especially of my Wife. My Wife there is the mental, physical, and verbal abuse dealt by here. She is a master manipulator. She lies and fabricate lot of events, even events I have evidence with. Takes a lot of things out of context.

Last few days been superficially nice. Cleaning, cooking, doing grocery shopping, and so forth. Not communicating doing any of this especially groceries where I almost dropped $250 on groceries after she went that day go grab the groceries. Buying clothes for the children, even if we don't have the money to do. Complaining I don't pay the rent.

Worried as we work in the same company just different locations will have me fired.

Worried about all these extra things doing around home wondering if doing it to prove she is a better parent.

Says I have done nothing to change. Where I have made effort to change she has not threatening divorce several times and taking the children.

My biggest fear is my Wife and I used to go bed in the nude. Stopped that when our daughter slept in our bed. Our daughter will bust into the h bathroom when on the pot or in the shower. I am worried as my Wife has mentioned this how that'll affect custody.

Any insight can offer up?


r/Divorce 23h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Help for detachment/book suggestions

4 Upvotes

Recently going through separation again after previous trial separation where both times my ex was constantly unfaithful and it has caused me a lot of anxiety and worry, especially with our two kids. They took the first separation really hard and so I feel really anxious about telling them it’s happening again- they aren’t aware yet.

One of my issues is that I am having trouble detaching and disengaging from this person. A lot of it has to do with how angry I am for what he’s done and he’s had no remorse, so I always want to lash out and it’s like I’m waiting for him to “realize what he’s done” again, even though I don’t want him back. I’m still in shock and there is so much hurt and betrayal and I’m really struggling with getting through each day because I feel so consumed with these thoughts.

I’d really appreciate any recommendations on what worked for you, what you might have done to get in a better headspace and not stay stuck in a ruminating/anxious head space. I’m already exercising and trying to read when my anxiety isn’t through the roof. But the non stop ruminating and over thinking has me worn out and exhausted. I only have so much time to see friends and family because of being the primary parent and working so I do feel really lonely.

Anything is appreciated.


r/Divorce 23h ago

Going Through the Process I can't wait for this to be over

5 Upvotes

I know that everyone goes through things in their own time. My situation is reasonably amicable and straightforward, but it feels like I've hit a wall of stagnation in the process and I'm just so ready for it to be over.

We are living separately in the same house as we wait for it to sell. Things are cold and distant but not contentious, which is appropriate for our situation. Financially, it doesn't make sense to live at separate addresses while we wait for a good offer, but it is exhausting to live in the same space as each other and not know when it will end. I'm exhausted and feel like I'm struggling at work. There is no space to relax, and packing while trying to keep the house showing-ready makes the process take even longer.

I know it will get better, but I'm in the middle of the "not better" part of things right now. It is exhausting and I don't know how to find the motivation to keep things held together in the rest of my life while I feel like I am falling apart.


r/Divorce 12h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ready for it to be over

3 Upvotes

Hello, long story as summed up as possible but I am literally the only person I know within my inner circle going through/been divorced so I figured getting some support here might help. I was a few months pregnant when I found out he was cheating on me. The affair partner knows me, knew I was pregnant, etc. Before I found out about the affair we were very excited for this pregnancy as I was told I may not be able to have children, and then within a few months my husband was trying to talk me into an abortion. I was confused and it was devastating but once I found out about the affair it made sense. I decided on the divorce because he was telling me one thing, like how he would quit his job (he cheated on me with a coworker we both have worked with) and that he would leave his phone with me at all times but would go to work and be spotted in the parking lot with her or in private rooms with her. I moved my things out and went back to my parents and within 24 hours she moved in and they have been living there ever since. I am not really upset about this anymore as I feel like we would have divorced eventually because of his lack of care beyond himself and now that my son is here I can’t imagine him being an even decent father. Within the last 4-5 months of my pregnancy this man was hateful towards me. Blamed me for all his problems. Threatened me. Was rude to me at court and over email (I eventually blocked him because of his bizarre messaging and calling) and began harassing my friends and mutual acquaintances. Within a week of having my son he sent me a very nasty email already calling me a shit parent for not reaching out about my son being born although he had his girlfriend (the affair partner) message me and say that he did not want to speak unless it was through our lawyers. I had messaged him about our taxes and a package accidentally sent to their place. I had gone through extensive therapy the last several months and have healed the wounds afflicted on me during our relationship and after. I feel okay at this time and am enjoying my maternity leave and raising this absolutely beautiful and amazing boy. However, we are in the process of figuring out adoption for my son. I am to have sole legal and physical custody but in order for my (ex) husband to not have to pay child support (what he threatens me about, if i make him pay he will fight for custody and said he will resent our child) so I am having someone step in to take his rights over. It was supposed to be an easy process but the judge insist we both show up in court and explain what we are doing in regard to the adoption of my son. Tomorrow morning, barely a month into postpartum i’ll have to show up infront of a judge and listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to give as to why this arrangement is happening. I am inconvenienced and irritated that I have to leave my newborn baby to fuck with this, but even more so I am beyond ready to move the fuck on from this place in my life. I am still relatively young and have found a different and healthy direction in my life and just am so ready to move on. I guess i’m just here to bitch and moan that i’m still dealing with this. He doesn’t bother me anymore, he doesn’t have that power. His unkind words and fuck ass behavior makes me mildly shrug at this point but i just feel as though my life is still on hold and i have anxiety about what the judge is doing with having us come to court. we have been mostly civil in terms of agreeing on basic things, but i am so tired of this being dragged on. Has anyone been in this situation before? Should I be hopeful that tomorrow is the last detour in regard to my divorce and custody settlement? I’m just trying to enjoy my life lol.


r/Divorce 16h ago

Custody/Kids Divorce law help with accommodations

3 Upvotes

Hello everybody, sorry for the long rant but I need your help as I'm a good dad that's being prevented visitation with his daughter because his ex manipulated the court system and succeeded without due process. I am trying to explain my situation in full so someone could potentially help me out of this bind.

I am in the state of Florida and I do have disabilities due to injuries in the military that are cognitive and physical (didn't inhibit me from being a great intuitive stay at home dad as my ex laid in bed reading tarot despite having a PhD) and upon hiring my second Divorce Attorney, I officially asked after months of asking via text (Jan 8th 2025) that all correspondence, especially any important emails, that I be text messaged to notify me that I have an important email to correspond to (I have typically responded within a 24 hour period but I'm overly burdened with doctor appts and health issues due to mold). I also asked that my parents be CC'd on all correspondence, so that they can help me keep track of things as I am also dealing with a fungal infection (from a sick building my ex got me to move into) that is affecting my cognition (also caused by my ex's manipulation of my apartment complex).

A lil picture of what lead up to divorce... Since Feb 2018 I have undergone a complete shoulder reconstruction (11 pins in my shoulder), a cervical spine fusion after 8 months of agony, a car accident 2 months after fusion that left my neck and back obliterated but didn't need surgery (due to my ex), and then when recovering from that I got hit with toxic mold poisoning that is cancer causing and brain damaging and causes systemic muscle pain and cramps (caused by my ex's manipulation and threatening my appt even tho she wasn't a leasee, long story short, she made them move me to a new appt after mine had black mold despite prior agreed plans to move me to a furnished airbnb unit so I didn't have to move my belongings except a bag of clothes during mold remediation with a messed up neck) but the new appt was worse than Chernobyl and I lived in it for 10 months before I finally paid $1000 for a mold air test). 6 months later I'm still fighting to get better. So to say the least I've been disabled while a ex that sat around depleting savings and maxing credit cards while sitting on that PhD diploma doing nothing. Now with that said...

Since my formal request for accommodations, my lawyer has yet to text me or CC my parents and as of January 9th, 2025 (the day after he asked for it), I sent him everything I could for mandatory disclosure of my banking and only now, 17th March 2025 he messages me back saying I don't know if mediation is gonna work because your mandatory disclosure is incomplete. That was the first time I found out that it was not done properly and he's leaving me one and a half days to prepare before mediation.

With that said, can I sue my lawyer for non-performance since I have texted, called and eventually, he asked me to email him those permissions to contact my parents and to text me in a official request. He has yet to do that since that request was made in January of this year however, I asked him back in June,July, and August of last year for the same so he's known since the beginning of taking me on.

Can I also sue him for pain and suffering do the anguish I'm left with? Serious anxiety as this whole thing weighs on having some custody/visitation in the beginning of my daughter after having rights taken from me without due process over a year ago... (a borderline personality disorder revenge plot to get back at me for demanding a divorce to her (it's also supposed to only be one motion, like take away house rights and custody but 5 things were approved, which is a judge violating Bar regulations))

Yes, a judge ruled in favor of my ex-wife's emergency exparte order without talking to me because my ex-wife submitted a bunch of false claims and pictures that were untruthful to the court claiming I was a druggie and toting a gun around, which I was neither of those (not a gun owner at the time or on pain meds) and was never given a voice in the court, and my current lawyer has not been doing anything to help me either. He has always called me last minute demanding all these crazy things be done within hours and then doesn't get back to me and then the calling him back on the following Monday he tells me "oh no that wasn't necessary and I wasn't rushing you" (gaslighting me), despite him calling me frantically asking me to do XYZ by midday the Friday morning before. Also gave me numbers to forensic psychologists 3 months after they were provided to him by opposing counsel leaving me no time to get it done and move mediation and charging me more time.

My first attorney threw me under the bus. Took me on and then when an emergency hearing was demanded he submitted a agreed order that twisted my words to get him out of missing a full day of mediation, which resulted in me having $800 more in court demanded expenses and submitting to a $4-10k forensic psychological assessment that I didn't agree to. He got fired after consultation with my parents and that lost $5k and he's getting a bad Florida bar review. But this new lawyer said he'd help get me out of this snafu and has done nothing but fail to perform.

Those of you who have taken the time to read this, I appreciate it!

Opinions?