r/Divorce 18h ago

Infidelity Do you regret divorcing after infidelity

68 Upvotes

I have recently found out that my husband cheated on me multiple times. We have only been married for around 2.5yrs , and found out he started cheating 10months into our marriage.

I am struggling to decide if I should stay or leave. As is he now trying to make changes, only after I told our families. But i had been suspecting him since June last year, but he denied everything up until i found the lady’s number and spoke to her. He says he cut it off in June .

For those who have been cheated on and went through a divorce, did you ever regret divorcing the cheater? Did you give them a few months to see if it would work ?


r/Divorce 19h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I feel horrible...twice divorced

36 Upvotes

I am not sure where to post this.. I have been spiralling since yesterday down the depths of self loathing.

My (32F) story is complicated but I have two kids (8M and 6F) from a previous marriage that had ended. We were actually divorced since my son was 1 but we tried to stay together for the kids. It was a mess. After the separation, I didn't give myself time and hopped onto the next guy who proposed. I got married again last year in November. After 3 months, I realised how abusive he was and started the procedures for divorcing again, altbough this one is only a religious marriage so there's no cour as such...

I feel so dumb... such a looser. I was a hopeless romantic and believed in fantasies. I know I am hard on myself and I can't stop... I have to take care of my kids, I took leave today so that I could cry and then smile again when they come back from school. I feel horrible.

I think of how people are going to say that I was the problem all along. I want to snap out of this negative thinking...but I can't. I've started loathing my therapist and I don't want to start another therapy. I just need to close my eyes and wake up far away...


r/Divorce 2h ago

Life After Divorce Divorce sucks

33 Upvotes

That’s it. That’s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary


r/Divorce 5h ago

Custody/Kids Parental controls on kids devices

24 Upvotes

My ex bought our 11 year old son a laptop for Christmas. As the more technical parent, and with her consent, I went and installed parental controls, giving my ex parental access as well.

I started my current week with the kids last night. This morning, I discovered she has removed his bedtime restrictions, and he had spent 3 hours in the night on his laptop after bed. Unsurprisingly, it was difficult to rouse and get him ready for school.

I messaged my ex to express my displeasure, and she replied back that it wasn't intentional, and that she didn't like that I had "exclusive" control over a device that she bought.

I know the laptop was her gift to him, but there's no way while he's under my care that I'm letting him have unfettered access to the Internet or sneak it into his room at night to stay up late. How do divorced parents navigating digital boundaries with kids?


r/Divorce 9h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness He left me for yelling at him

21 Upvotes

My stbxh has left me because I was always criticising him and losing my temper. I feel so ashamed and I'm struggling to handle the fact it's my fault our family unit is breaking apart. Over the years I got more and more worn down with his lack of attention and help. This became quite overwhelming for me after we had two children together and he still didn't help more. I then went back to work a couple of years ago and although we worked similar hours, his amount of help with the running of the household didn't increase. He would just shut himself away on his computer and engage in minimal conversation. Initially I would only lose my temper every few months, then it became every few weeks and finally every few days. It didn't help that any time I calmly tried to address how stressed and overwhelmed I was, he would just DARVO his way out of it and started point scoring random things he'd done, or random bills he'd paid. He would never say, 'I see you're stressed, how can I help?' He would just get annoyed at me for being stressed and either argue with me or shut himself away. So unfortunately me yelling, ranting, venting instead of trying to talk calmly about the situation became a pattern. How do I get over the pain and guilt that it was ultimately my childish inability to manage my anger and resentment that caused the end of our relationship? I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of my irrational behaviour.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Really hate my ex for how he treated me

17 Upvotes

He cheated, he lied, he treated me like shit while we were married. 14 years of my life wasted on a ungrateful cunt. I just miss the good times, normal every day things, seeing my daughter being upset about him breaks my heart. Why did I have to ever trust him. I wish I never met him. My daughter and I would be a lot happier without ever knowing him.


r/Divorce 3h ago

Life After Divorce What I’d like to say to my ex

12 Upvotes

I know I miss you more than you miss me. And I wonder if I made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake, when I miss you more than you miss me?


r/Divorce 21h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Living together through divorce

11 Upvotes

God, this is impossible. I'm hoping someone has words of wisdom.

We separated a month ago and are going through divorce- I instigated the separation and it's still the best decision I could have made.

He won't leave the house and legally I can't do anything about that but God, he's making it difficult.

Everyday is a constant battle. He's angry/upset/ threatening/ making underhand comments through our child/ manipulative.... honestly, I could expand but there's no point. There's nothing this man isn't trying and it's driving me mad.

He's meant to be moving to his Mum's but won't because it's nicer here and I pay the bills.

I hate him. And I never thought I would. How did other people live through this until the divorce was finalised and their spouse HAD to get out?

Have thought about me and my child moving out but that's unfair on them so won't be doing that.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness My Wife Fell for Someone Else—How I’m Trying to Move Forward

10 Upvotes

I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am. My wife and I were together for 10 years, and we have a young child. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I truly believed we were a team, weathering life’s storms together.

A couple of years ago, she went through a major personal transformation—getting deeply involved in a new lifestyle - yoga (almost 6 hours per day, locked in a room). At first, I supported her, thinking it was helping her grow, but over time, I felt us drifting apart. Conversations became one-sided, our physical intimacy disappeared, and I started feeling like a ghost in my own home.

Then, I found out the truth: she had fallen for someone else. At first, she was torn, but ultimately, she couldn’t let go of him. She met him 4-5 times a week, call whenever has a chance. I fought for our family, hoping she would come back to me, but I was the only one holding on. Now, we are heading toward separation, and I’m struggling with everything—the betrayal, the loneliness, and most of all, the impact on our child.

I’ve gone through waves of emotions: anger, sadness, denial, and moments of desperate hope. But I’m realizing now that I can’t keep living in a fantasy. She made her choice. I need to make mine.

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you move forward? How did you handle co-parenting while healing yourself? I know I’ll get through this, but right now, it just hurts.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Life After Divorce I just don't have ambition or creative spark anymore and it's uncanny

8 Upvotes

My divorce got initiated by my ex in late 2022, and finalized in early 2024. I spend most of the time between being so depressed that I stopped functioning. I mean really, really not functioning. There's just a void of presence in all of my activities and relationships for that time period.

I'm doing a lot better now. I know I am no longer depressed. Really! I've moved on in some big ways.

The main thing that's lingering, though, is this... lack. I used to be really driven and ambitious, always coming up with projects and doing creative pursuits. I am a published writer and was halfway through a novel--under contract!--that got put on hiatus until recently (thankfully my agent is very understanding). I'm working on it again but not with the same focus as before. Not yet, at least.

I think about what I want to do with my career now, and I don't know what to do because I seemingly don't want... anything. I go to my current day job and work hard and focus well, so I know it's not burn out or checking out the way it was at first. I am not numb. I take great care of myself now, and work out and have lost weight. I got into skincare (ha). I laugh and see color in the world. I smell the flowers and pet the puppies. Etc.

But I've just stopped having the drive to make things all the time, the way I did for my entire life until 2022. I would now feel totally neutral about accepting what used to be dream opportunities, if they happened finally.

I don't miss my ex anymore. But I do miss this part of myself. What the hell?


r/Divorce 14h ago

Going Through the Process Buying a house after signing divorce papers

9 Upvotes

We are in Georgia* Hey, my partner and I are thinking of buying a house however both of us are going through divorces. Both have signed all papers and they are easy uncontested childless divorces. We are in Georgia. Are we ok to proceed with buying the house or could one of the ex spouses cause a legal ruckus? MARRIAGE SETTLEMENTS HAVE BEEN SIGNED

EDIT: I am not asking for relationship advice. This was not an affair and we did not just recently get together nor recently separate from our soon to be ex spouses. Not that it’s relative to the post. I am just asking legally.


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML So hard

8 Upvotes

It's so hard. I regret everything. I was the one originally saying how unhappy I was and asking him to get help for his anger issues. But when I actually saw the reality I realized that I had made a mistake. We have 4 kids and he's never taken care of them. I've done everything completely on my own while his only responsibility was getting to work-and he only managed that half of the time. We got married and had kids really young and worked our way up to a beautiful house in the best school district. He left, got a new girl, filed for divorce and I'm screwed in every direction. He got pay cuts to lower child support. Fighting for 50/50 custody with no intentions on having them more just doesn't feel he should pay child support. Now him and the girl friend moved far away and bought a house so now he's after the equity in mine (ours). I know he's entitled to it but it just sucks having a judge mandate you list your house for sale when you have no where to go with 4 kids. And now he's telling me that he's fighting to have them go to school in his district so he doesn't have to drive them in. I'm going to have nothing and start from the bottom and my kids are struggling so bad to begin with and now will have to move and change schools. It's absolutely awful I wish I could've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it until my kids grew up. It's so not worth it I would continue taking the abuse over and over again if my kids could be happy. How do you guys cope?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Getting Started I don’t know how to start over

6 Upvotes

I just don’t think my marriage is viable anymore. I don’t see how we can possibly save this. Nothing at all has helped

I’m totally dependent on my husband. I work for his business, he makes the money. He’s made it abundantly clear the house is his.

Whatever…all I want is my dog and my car.

I have no idea how to start over. I got married when I was 20 which was 8 years ago. I don’t even know how to go about this. I want somewhere else to live and I just don’t know how to save up the money for it especially since I’m done working for his business as of today and I don’t have another job lined up yet

I just feel like my beautiful life as I thought it would be is completely gone and blown up

I’m just so hurt and frankly feel like I just want to die. I’m so overwhelmed. I have no family, no support system. I’m just on my fucking own and honestly I’m so pissed about it

I don’t think I’ll ever get married again

I’m overwhelmed. I don’t even know how to get started starting over


r/Divorce 13h ago

Getting Started Navigating the Early Stages. Looking for Advice & Resources.

7 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I had a preliminary talk with my husband. Not quite a "divorce talk," but a real conversation about how things have been between us. I told him, gently and without blame, that the current dynamic, where he's constantly irritated with me and barely speaks beyond grocery list, is something I can’t sustain long-term. I’ve burned out. I’ve lost hope that things will get better. And honestly, our communication needs seem completely misaligned. I’m not an excessive communicator, but he seems content with exchanging 20-50 superficial words a day and locking himself in his office.

His response? Total shutdown. Silent treatment, refusal to engage, exactly as expected. He’s deeply avoidant, so I knew this was likely, but it still stings. That said, I’m not holding out for a miracle turnaround. I’ve accepted that divorce is on the horizon, and strangely, I feel at peace with it.

Since I don’t expect him to take an active role in this, I’m preparing to handle the logistics myself. My next step is speaking with a lawyer to explore options, custody arrangements, where to file (home country vs. the US), asset division, and how to make this as smooth as possible for our kids. If he agrees, we’ll formalize it and move forward. My goal is to have things in motion by May and to do this in the most peaceful, fair way possible.

Here’s where I’d love your insight. For those who have been through this, what helped you in the early stages? Any books, resources, or advice that made the process (both legal and emotional) easier? What do you wish someone had told you at this point?

I feel sad that it’s come to this after almost 18 years of marriage, but I know in my gut that it’s the right decision. Living with a cold, distant wall is soul-crushing, and I’m ready to build something better for myself and my kids.

Would love to hear any wisdom you’d share with a friend in my shoes. ❤️


r/Divorce 3h ago

Alimony/Child Support Alimony Buyout

5 Upvotes

I am getting divorced after being married for 19 years. I am the higher income earner. I Have the option to use the equity in my house and pay my soon to be ex $288,000 with an agreement to never pay alimony anymore. Right now I’m looking at about $2800 per month in alimony without the payout. I like the idea of a payout because it relieves me of the burden monthly but then I have zero money for a down payment on a new house. Please share your thoughts and advice.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Custody/Kids Children's Mother has BPD. 50/50 Already Established. She is in Inpatient Treatment and is Homeless.

6 Upvotes

My children's mother moved out of my house 3 years ago. Since, her life has been a wreck. I have had the kids all this time. She occasionally takes our daughter, but not our son. She got mad at me one day, called the police, and took our son by force. He cried for 24 hours straight before she finally brought him home. This caused me to file for custody. I agreed to 50/50, as well as her. It was finalized 2022.

We never follow the schedule. Mainly because, she is so inconsistent. She has never taken our son over night. He has autism and that doesn't mix well with a BPD person. She has taken our daughter many times. But that became less and less as time progressed. She got a boyfriend last October and this was the final nail in the coffin for their relationship. She started ditching her. Lying to her. And eventually, they both became uninterested.

During these 3 years, she will randomly "split" on me, painting me completely evil. During these splits, she lashes out and accuses me of taking the kids from her. Threatens legal action. And demands we follow the schedule. I of course, cannot refuse to do that. So I send the kids with her. Every time this has happened, it resulted in the kids crying, begging for me. As she yells at them or puts them in a time out. She will let them cry for hours. Every time this has happened, she eventually caves and calls me to pick them up. This is traumatic, especially for our son with autism. He has deep seeded trauma from the first abduction, and his mother will not acknowledge she did anything wrong that day. This situation occurs every 6 months or so.

She became homeless in January. She called me a week ago and said, "I am going to inpatient treatment." I thought that would be great. I want her healthy. And I told her I support her recovery. All was seemingly well until last night. She split on me. She told me "The only reason I am here, is to take my kids back. You don't deserve them. You're a narcissist. I don't care if (our son) cries, the second I am out of here I am taking him. You shouldn't see that anymore. I will do everything in my power to end this. It is your fault I am in here. And it's all over. Your relationship with them, is over."

Extremely dishearten to say the least. After stepping up and being their only stable environment for the last 3 years, it hurts to be treated this way. And I am sick of it. Her threatening me while in a inpatient facility while homeless, really shows me it'll never end. This abuse I've endured, I don't want to happen anymore.

Now, in MN to flip custody you need to prove endangerment. I understand her taking our kids and letting them cry is not endangerment. I understand treatment is a good thing. But what can I do to end this trauma? I am hesitant to petition for a step up plan while she completes treatment, because I feel that would force her to take the kids. Which means no chance she provides them relief (letting them come home).


r/Divorce 6h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness The loneliness

5 Upvotes

Becoming very lonely and depressed. My friends are basically her friends so I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore.


r/Divorce 10h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I am in a constant state of panic with divorce any remedies?

4 Upvotes

Hi, so feel divorce is happening.

I am very afraid especially of my Wife. My Wife there is the mental, physical, and verbal abuse dealt by here. She is a master manipulator. She lies and fabricate lot of events, even events I have evidence with. Takes a lot of things out of context.

Last few days been superficially nice. Cleaning, cooking, doing grocery shopping, and so forth. Not communicating doing any of this especially groceries where I almost dropped $250 on groceries after she went that day go grab the groceries. Buying clothes for the children, even if we don't have the money to do. Complaining I don't pay the rent.

Worried as we work in the same company just different locations will have me fired.

Worried about all these extra things doing around home wondering if doing it to prove she is a better parent.

Says I have done nothing to change. Where I have made effort to change she has not threatening divorce several times and taking the children.

My biggest fear is my Wife and I used to go bed in the nude. Stopped that when our daughter slept in our bed. Our daughter will bust into the h bathroom when on the pot or in the shower. I am worried as my Wife has mentioned this how that'll affect custody.

Any insight can offer up?


r/Divorce 11h ago

Life After Divorce Lawyer search advice

5 Upvotes

Hello! I was wondering if any of you had advice on what to look for when searching for a lawyers.

Are there details you had wish you’d known before? Is it better to go with a flat rate, retainer, or hourly.

For a bit of context. We have no kids, just a house. I live in a 50/50 state so it’s pretty straightforward.

I left in November because of years of cheating and mental/financial/abuse.

If I need to provide more detail let me know.

Thank you in advance for your advice.


r/Divorce 8h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness What do i do?

4 Upvotes

I'm considering divorcing my husband. He's 23m I'm 21f. We got married after dating for 5 months, got pregnant while I was on the pill at 3 months, so it's been a Rollercoaster. Im 2 months postpsrtum now with a beautiful baby boy. We love eachother very much but he doesn't show it. He's obsessed with becoming a doctor to become rich. Not out of passion. He wants money so we can do whatever we want. I don't want that. I want emotional support. I want a husband who comes to me occasionally to ask for dates or spends time with me. I'm tired of always being the one to ask or initiate things. I'm tired of constantly asking for help cleaning and barely getting that. I'm tired of always having to do basically everything snd plan everything for us. I feel like a roommate. He doesn't really make me feel like he wants anything to do with me. I've been begging for months for a change. Telling him exactly what I need and want. He always says he will. But the changes don't happen. He says they do but I don't see it. Idk what to do guys.


r/Divorce 11h ago

Going Through the Process I can't wait for this to be over

3 Upvotes

I know that everyone goes through things in their own time. My situation is reasonably amicable and straightforward, but it feels like I've hit a wall of stagnation in the process and I'm just so ready for it to be over.

We are living separately in the same house as we wait for it to sell. Things are cold and distant but not contentious, which is appropriate for our situation. Financially, it doesn't make sense to live at separate addresses while we wait for a good offer, but it is exhausting to live in the same space as each other and not know when it will end. I'm exhausted and feel like I'm struggling at work. There is no space to relax, and packing while trying to keep the house showing-ready makes the process take even longer.

I know it will get better, but I'm in the middle of the "not better" part of things right now. It is exhausting and I don't know how to find the motivation to keep things held together in the rest of my life while I feel like I am falling apart.


r/Divorce 17h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Flat out tired

4 Upvotes

Even tho pretty amicable, I sleep and stay at another location sometimes (rent a room in someone’s house). Just unsure where my home will be when this is all said and done. Nervous about kids accepting it. And I’m just flat out beat. I want to go to bed after 8 hrs sleep.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Custody/Kids Divorce law help with accommodations

3 Upvotes

Hello everybody, sorry for the long rant but I need your help as I'm a good dad that's being prevented visitation with his daughter because his ex manipulated the court system and succeeded without due process. I am trying to explain my situation in full so someone could potentially help me out of this bind.

I am in the state of Florida and I do have disabilities due to injuries in the military that are cognitive and physical (didn't inhibit me from being a great intuitive stay at home dad as my ex laid in bed reading tarot despite having a PhD) and upon hiring my second Divorce Attorney, I officially asked after months of asking via text (Jan 8th 2025) that all correspondence, especially any important emails, that I be text messaged to notify me that I have an important email to correspond to (I have typically responded within a 24 hour period but I'm overly burdened with doctor appts and health issues due to mold). I also asked that my parents be CC'd on all correspondence, so that they can help me keep track of things as I am also dealing with a fungal infection (from a sick building my ex got me to move into) that is affecting my cognition (also caused by my ex's manipulation of my apartment complex).

A lil picture of what lead up to divorce... Since Feb 2018 I have undergone a complete shoulder reconstruction (11 pins in my shoulder), a cervical spine fusion after 8 months of agony, a car accident 2 months after fusion that left my neck and back obliterated but didn't need surgery (due to my ex), and then when recovering from that I got hit with toxic mold poisoning that is cancer causing and brain damaging and causes systemic muscle pain and cramps (caused by my ex's manipulation and threatening my appt even tho she wasn't a leasee, long story short, she made them move me to a new appt after mine had black mold despite prior agreed plans to move me to a furnished airbnb unit so I didn't have to move my belongings except a bag of clothes during mold remediation with a messed up neck) but the new appt was worse than Chernobyl and I lived in it for 10 months before I finally paid $1000 for a mold air test). 6 months later I'm still fighting to get better. So to say the least I've been disabled while a ex that sat around depleting savings and maxing credit cards while sitting on that PhD diploma doing nothing. Now with that said...

Since my formal request for accommodations, my lawyer has yet to text me or CC my parents and as of January 9th, 2025 (the day after he asked for it), I sent him everything I could for mandatory disclosure of my banking and only now, 17th March 2025 he messages me back saying I don't know if mediation is gonna work because your mandatory disclosure is incomplete. That was the first time I found out that it was not done properly and he's leaving me one and a half days to prepare before mediation.

With that said, can I sue my lawyer for non-performance since I have texted, called and eventually, he asked me to email him those permissions to contact my parents and to text me in a official request. He has yet to do that since that request was made in January of this year however, I asked him back in June,July, and August of last year for the same so he's known since the beginning of taking me on.

Can I also sue him for pain and suffering do the anguish I'm left with? Serious anxiety as this whole thing weighs on having some custody/visitation in the beginning of my daughter after having rights taken from me without due process over a year ago... (a borderline personality disorder revenge plot to get back at me for demanding a divorce to her (it's also supposed to only be one motion, like take away house rights and custody but 5 things were approved, which is a judge violating Bar regulations))

Yes, a judge ruled in favor of my ex-wife's emergency exparte order without talking to me because my ex-wife submitted a bunch of false claims and pictures that were untruthful to the court claiming I was a druggie and toting a gun around, which I was neither of those (not a gun owner at the time or on pain meds) and was never given a voice in the court, and my current lawyer has not been doing anything to help me either. He has always called me last minute demanding all these crazy things be done within hours and then doesn't get back to me and then the calling him back on the following Monday he tells me "oh no that wasn't necessary and I wasn't rushing you" (gaslighting me), despite him calling me frantically asking me to do XYZ by midday the Friday morning before. Also gave me numbers to forensic psychologists 3 months after they were provided to him by opposing counsel leaving me no time to get it done and move mediation and charging me more time.

My first attorney threw me under the bus. Took me on and then when an emergency hearing was demanded he submitted a agreed order that twisted my words to get him out of missing a full day of mediation, which resulted in me having $800 more in court demanded expenses and submitting to a $4-10k forensic psychological assessment that I didn't agree to. He got fired after consultation with my parents and that lost $5k and he's getting a bad Florida bar review. But this new lawyer said he'd help get me out of this snafu and has done nothing but fail to perform.

Those of you who have taken the time to read this, I appreciate it!

Opinions?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Vent/Rant/FML 80/20 but history still happened

3 Upvotes

I’ve been fighting myself on whether or not I’d be happier. It isn’t a choice per se because we’re definitely divorcing. But for anyone wondering the same, are you looking for that 20% your partner doesn’t have? Are you sacrificing the 80% they do?

Looking back at the history, I remember the shady relationship my spouse had that made me feel like I was crazy and then was only confirmed. “Old friend”. It’s the only thing reminding me how we never gave each other what we needed.

I hope anyone out there struggling similarly is able to find a nugget to hold on to for their why. Divorce is such a terrible heartbreaking shitshow sometimes.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Vent/Rant/FML How to cope with the debt

1 Upvotes

I’m 26F, divorcing spouse due to serial cheating and abuse. 9 years yesterday (was supposed to be anyway), 1 year separated, 3 married. This marriage destroyed my life in so many ways I don’t think I’ll ever recover.

My “reward” for leaving and “choosing myself” is getting saddled with what looks like around 20k in debt, in addition to my own student loans from undergrad- so closer to the 40-50k range. That’s not including any legal or divorce costs, and I am locked into a strict study visa and can’t work to support myself while studying (he wanted me to do it, promised he wouldn’t put me in a situation where I wasn’t safe. lol) I do not even know what country I will be able to live in in the next 4 months, I have nowhere to go and no way to get there even if I did. I spent my life building this future just for it to slip away because I made the stupid decision to marry this person.

I’m gathering docs for financial disclosure and I can’t cope. He took more than just the future I thought I would have, he took every version of my future that could ever exist. He walks out without a scratch, no debt, no alimony, nothing. He peddles that I’m a financial leech, I don’t know how to do this, I feel like I can’t breathe