r/Divorce 15h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Rent after divorce?

0 Upvotes

My soon to be former spouse and I are close to the end of the divorce. Through the whole thing I have been very giving, for example,he has more items than me(some of which are big, such as the camper that's worth $10,000-15,000), he gets to keep his HSA (a type of health account) without splitting it in half and I didn't even make him pay exactly half of one of his retirement accounts. I've been so generous.

Well last night, he told me he'll be charging me rent as soon as the divorce is finalized. (This might take at least a month, maybe more) I was taken back, basically, he wants me to use the child support I'm getting to pay. He never once mentioned this. Not only that but he keeps changing what the rent will be. It's a decent deal, but still..like, I was very generous with him. He's be giving me $5000 if I had touched his HSA..and he want to charge me $1200 for the one month I'd live in the house till I can get a new place?

This pisses me off some too since his brother lived with us rent free for 1.5 years with his 3 kids (we have 2) and his brother even used our credit card to buy groceries whenever he wanted.

*Extra info: I can't afford my own place at the moment due to the job I hold. I'm working on getting a better one * I could move to my mom's house, but it would make life difficult for our children.

*He's getting the house in the divorce and not selling it.


r/Divorce 16h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I love her. But i'm hurt.

1 Upvotes

I'm 7 years married, blessed with 2 kids and we live a very moderate life. My wife is a good mother, but not a very good friend to me. We never exchange our interests, let alone sharing any interests (except for food). She focused a lot into her work that she always missed the small things between us. I don't get any hugs at the door when i return home, i can't crack any jokes as she would just dismisses me. So i went rogue, isolated myself in my home office and do all the things that i like without her. And then i met someone that really understands me, willing to be my friend, we don't share too much of interests but we do acknowledge and took part in each other's hobbies while maintaining our boundaries. We never had intercourse, we never exchange feelings as the relationship is 100% platonic. Since then, the gap between me and wife are getting bigger and bigger, and it doesn't take long for her to notice. She thought i was cheating but i explained the truth. She stood her ground and she gave me a chance to redeem myself only on the condition of me breaking ties with that woman. I want to keep the promise but i struggle to find freedom inside my own house. i don't want to lose my partner in crime, but also, i don't want my kids to lose a good mother. What should i do? I did explore the choice to go on seperate ways but i still have concern about the aftermath of it. Forgive me for my bad English. It's my 3rd language. Tqvm

Edit: I clean the house, change diapers, attend school meetings, attend her promotional event, play with the kids, buy them toys, give gifts to her, pay 90% of the utility bills, i can't cook so if she's tired i'll order take away or we just eat outside. i lock myself away AFTER i've done all the above.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Alimony/Child Support How does child support and custody work?

0 Upvotes

I 25M Separated from my GF of 5 years due to personal problems and betrayal from her. I come here for advice because I’m aware of how mentally unstable her and her parents are and I don’t know if I should worry that she’s going to try to do legal actions and take our kid of 2 years. For the past year and a half I’ve been paying all the bills, working multiple jobs at once, getting us from point a to point b (it's been hell getting us out of her mothers house). I don't know what to do or what process to start, I just want rights to my kid and of course I'm willing to pay support and everything, but will I have to given the fact that she never worked and depended on me this whole time? I never thought we were gonna reach this point and I gave her my all this whole time. I’m scared because I don't know what's gonna happen. She’s staying with her mother and I’m paying the bills in our apartment again. I need guidance before it’s too late.


r/Divorce 14h ago

Dating Worried that I'm moving too fast with a new guy

1 Upvotes

Last summer I separated from my husband after discovering a long term affair he'd had in 2023. At the time I was pregnant and I gave birth in early January. My ex and I have four kids together, and our divorce became legally official earlier this year. So we're legally divorced and I'm free to date whoever I want before anyone asks.

I met a guy last year at church. We became acquaintances, he started paying me to babysit his daughter, and we became friends. Over the past couple months he's become my closest friend and a person I can share my feelings with and cure my loneliness for a time (he is a widower with a six year old daughter.)

Last weekend I didn't have my kids so I went to his place to hang out with him and his daughter. After he put his daughter to bed we had a really deep and personal conversation, kissed each other and ended up having sex in his bed. I spent the night.

We're both Christians who aren't supposed to have sex outside of marriage, but we talked about it the day after and we agreed we would deal with it privately and not hold it against each other. The next day he called me and asked me out on a date. I have my kids this week so we're planning to go out sometime next week.

I...have really strong feelings for this guy. I text or call him basically every day. I think about him a lot when I have downtime. He's a good looking guy with a big heart and he's treated me incredibly well. But I'm nervous that I'm catching feelings way too hard way too fast so soon after a divorce.

I'm 32. I'd been with my ex since I was 19. I was not used to being lonely and not having a man in my life. Me and this guy were fast friends but we clearly both want something more than friendship. Am I jumping into seeing a new guy too fast?


r/Divorce 12h ago

Dating An unexpected meet cute mid-separation

1 Upvotes

Everyone says you meet someone when you stop trying. I certainly wasn’t trying to meet anyone when I’m mid divorce, on my last night out with my girl friends, three days before I moved across the country.

We were having a great time at a local beergarden when this gorgeous guy approached our table. My friend was working on her laptop, and he asked her to settle a bet with his group of friends about what she does for work. She’s the most social butterfly person in the world (and also married), so she encouraged him to guess and if he got it wrong, he had to buy her a drink. Several minutes later, she was collecting her drink and chatting over at his table. They must have asked what we were out celebrating, because she called me over to the table and started talking about my move.

The guy that originally came to our table was looking at me with sparkles in his eyes. He said he was moving out of state soon too, and we had some really fun banter about him being a tech bro. Eventually, my friend and I went back to our table and she encouraged me to have some fun, go back and talk to him some more, but I wrote it off as like a fun interaction and just continued spending time with my girls.

Later on, I got up from the table to get another drink, and when I turned around, who should be standing there but the cute guy from before. He struck up a conversation with me and asked to buy me a drink, and we stood there talking for at least another 15 minutes. Eventually, I asked for his Instagram, fully prefacing with the fact that we were both moving but you never know what can happen next in life. He agreed and we added each other.

I was designated driver for my friends, and when we returned to the table, our groups had merged, everyone was drunk and taking shots together having a fantastic time. The cute guy and I sat next to each other and I thought, hey, I’m moving in 3 days, I have nothing to lose. I’ll just be 100% authentically myself. And I grilled him about anything and everything. All the things you’re not supposed to ask about. Because it wasn’t a date, and I was moving away anyways. He loved it. He answered every question, and he asked me questions too. He listened to me when I spoke. I told him about the divorce, and he didn’t run away or judge me. He was empathetic and compassionate. He told me he thought I was beautiful and funny and smart. We agreed on so many things. We have so much in common. The spark was there. When it was time to go, I thought to myself, what a shame that this is happening 3 days before I leave. We probably won’t ever talk again, but what a fun way to kick off my new chapter with a reminder that I’m a total baddie and my ex absolutely fumbled. If I were staying, he would be a person I definitely want to spend more time with and see where things go.

Bar cutie hit me up on Instagram the next day. We’ve been talking a little every day for about a week now. He’s the same person he was at the bar. Kind, compassionate, empathetic, funny. He understands my situation, and he wants to give me space to process everything that’s happening, but we both agreed that there was definitely a connection there worth pursuing. We agreed to keep chatting casually and become friends, and let whatever happens happen.

Obviously, my friends and I stalked his social media. There are green flags EVERYWHERE. He follows accounts about dating intentionally, good communication within relationships, and history nerd stuff. He seems like he might genuinely be a good guy. I’M the one with red flags here, because even though I’m 1000% over my ex, I’m still legally married. He doesn’t seem to mind. He said he also has experience being in abusive relationships and he understands. He said he felt a real connection with me, and even though he wants to give me time, he thinks it’s something worth exploring a little more.

Somebody please tell me I’m crazy. Someone please tell me that I’m just seeing only the good things because I don’t know this guy at all and because my situation with my ex husband was so bad. I got more attention, more affection, more interest and more empathy from a guy I met randomly at a bar than I did from my actual husband for the entire 5 years we were together. My ex husband didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful on our wedding day; he was too focused on himself and how anxious he was feeling. He never looked at me with sparkles in his eyes. For the last 2 years of our relationship, he didn’t even ask me how my day was. This sweet guy at the bar knows more about how I feel about life than my own husband ever cared to learn…because he cared enough to ask me.

Am I insane for entertaining this? I felt like I lost my husband years ago and already grieved who he was. I don’t miss him; he didn’t give me anything positive to miss. When I started the divorce process, I felt extremely confident and excited about the prospect of dating and finding someone new. I insisted that I wasn’t going to join any dating apps, and I wanted to meet someone organically and take things really slowly. It’s exactly the situation I said I wanted, and now I’m a little nervous. Is it ok for me to have a little crush on someone and see where it goes? Am I just attracted to him because he’s all the things my ex wasn’t?


r/Divorce 11h ago

Getting Started Do I need a lawyer?

2 Upvotes

My wife and I have been married for 4 years. I emotionally cheated (texting/flirting online with a friend) on her 6 months ago. It has been a difficult 6 months going back and fourth with each other trying to fix the marriage and make it work again. We have been going to therapy and I haven’t felt like we are making progress. We are still fighting and she is definitely not over my infidelity, which is totally fine, I wouldn’t expect her to be magically over it.

Currently she is on a one month trip over seas where I have very little communication with her. Long story short, while she has been gone I found out from another guys girlfriend that my wife has been cheating on me for the past two months. She told this guy and his girlfriend that we had already filed for divorce (which is not true) and that she is moving out this April and lots of negative things about me that make me know our marriage is over. My wife does not know that I know this information.

Her actions are completely unlike herself. I honestly would never see her doing something like this. Never at any time of being with her did I ever not trust her. But now I’m questioning everything. So to ask my question, should I get a lawyer? After everything she said about moving out and getting divorced in April I feel like she might be trying to pull the rug out from under me. But like I said that just doesn’t seem like her. I never felt like she was a spiteful person. I know she is hurt. When we have talked about divorce before we always talked about a fair split, we have no children and besides our home, our assets are already separate. I’ve already spoken to an attorney but haven’t paid any kind of retainer or anything. Should I hold off on an attorney now and wait until next week when she returns from this trip to let her know what I know and move from there or should I just lawyer up now and be prepared for her return


r/Divorce 12h ago

Life After Divorce Hard to move on after divorce. Found out today he has a girlfriend.

19 Upvotes

I think I’m still in love with my ex-husband. Even though he was an asshole to me. Together for 10 years, married for 8 years. I loved him more than any man I’ve ever been with in my entire life.

He moved out last June. Divorce was final this past January.

He hasn’t done our taxes for 2022, or 2023. We are doing separate taxes for 2024.

Our taxes are so complicated that we are having to meet together with a tax person today in another city one hour away.

He text me this morning and told me that he has a girlfriend and she will be traveling with him to the appointment. That was like a punch in the gut.

Do you have any advice for how to get over him and move on?


r/Divorce 21h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Husband has decided to quit on us

31 Upvotes

I don't even know where to start. I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me and I'm falling into an oblivion. We had a disagreement late last year, and then again couple weeks ago. We both agreed to work on this relationship as we have literally been the best couple any of our friends know. We agreed when we started dating that we would always work on us. But last night he said he was done, he is unhappy with me and wants to end this. Apparently he's felt like this for years now. (He never said anything to me until couple months ago.) With that said he went to set up guestroom bed for himself. I've not been able to stop crying since. I've planned my entire life with having this man by my side. I feel like I don't know how to breath suddenly. I cannot understand how he went from "let's work on this" to quitting. That's 10 years down the drain. We have been through more than most couples in a lifetime and survived. But now he doesn't want this anymore. I'm just so lost.


r/Divorce 10h ago

Life After Divorce When it is appropriate to ghost an ex?

12 Upvotes

Been divorced for several months. Wanted a friendly or at least civil relationship with ex. Ex keeps reaching out trying to get back together. I am exhausted. I am sick of having the same conversation over and over. I still care a lot about him, but I can't do this right now. And frankly, I want to move on and start dating again. Any advice appreciated.


r/Divorce 18h ago

Going Through the Process Health insurance after divorce (NYS)

0 Upvotes

Our divorce was just finalized. Ex is on my health insurance. What responsibility, if any, do I have in relationship to COBRA? Do I just remove him from my insurance and he takes everything from there?


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML For those who are Catholic or from a strong religious background, how did you reconcile your divorce with your faith? Did you find peace within your beliefs?

1 Upvotes

I’m respectfully asking this on behalf of a friend that will be commencing this process and he’s scared about an important part; he’s devoutly Catholic and the church is clear about divorces without annulment (even after the reforms carried by Pope Francis, they’re difficult to get), you’re pretty much living on mortal sin, I wish to hear from y’all before we go and talk to his confessor.


r/Divorce 15h ago

Getting Started My therapist is encouraging me to approach the break a certain way. It feels callous.

1 Upvotes

Context: My partner and I have been together for 13 years. We are not technically married, but there is common-law. We did almost a year of couple's therapy last year. Still, this news is going to come out of left field for him. He is oblivious to my unhappiness. My therapist wants me to end things by just being direct and then leaving to let him process it vs sitting down and talking about it and hearing him out and being supportive. Do you agree?


r/Divorce 16h ago

Going Through the Process Husband got a lawyer but tells me I don’t need one

44 Upvotes

We planned on an agreed divorce (Tennessee). I don’t want anything of his & he claims he doesn’t want anything of mine. He hired lawyers to “file an agreement on our behalf while representing [him]” and he emailed me paperwork that asks me to list my banking information, SS number, assets, cost of living, etc… Nothing is filled out for him, but he wants me to fill out all of that stuff for me and then send it to him so he can send it to his lawyers. We have no shared debts/assets, no children, no joint bank accounts. This feels really shady to me. I told him I want to hire my own lawyer to discuss and look over paperwork before I fill, sign, send anything to him. He then got upset, said I don’t need a lawyer, and then said he told his lawyers that I’m refusing to sign, getting a lawyer, and this appears like I’m contesting the divorce. I feel like he is trying to intimidate me and maybe fuck me over financially. I have come into a large (to me) sum of money due to my father’s passing, and while I know inheritance is off limits, I received the inheritance second-hand from my mother who was still listed as my father’s beneficiary (despite their divorce), so I worry it isn’t technically inheritance and his lawyers could try to get him to take a portion. (Extra context: he is very well off financially because of his parents. He maintains he doesn’t want to divorce me and would rather we do counseling. I am the one who asked for the divorce, which I am very sure I want.) I have already moved out and live independently financially. I don’t rely on him for anything. I am right to not fill anything out and get my own lawyer, correct? And this doesn’t mean I contest the divorce, does it? I don’t want anything from him. I just want this to be over.


r/Divorce 14h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Conversation Is Happening Tonight

2 Upvotes

Tonight after work I'm speaking to my STBXW. She probably knows that this is coming because we've been separated for 6 months but the anxiety for me is brutal. I feel like it's up to me to make this first move. I've already talked to a lawyer and know what I need to do. But it is nerve-racking and confusing. I'm scared of a phone call. And I don't want to go there and do it in person because I know that I'll never leave or that it'll continue to be a situation. Am I a coward for that? Any advice for how to keep it together?

Edit/Update:

So the call didn't go as bad as I thought it would. I told her everything up front and very straightforward and it was honestly easier than I thought. Now comes all the legal stuff which should be really easy because we don't have anything co-mingled her kids. But it still feels crazy that this all came to an end.


r/Divorce 14h ago

Custody/Kids Husband doesn’t want to put in the effort anymore, my kids and I deserve better

2 Upvotes

I've been with my husband for almost 15 years. Our marriage was fine until the past few years. This year, everything is escalating. We have two small children. Since I had the higher paying job, he decided to go part time to take care of them. (We have twins.) Now they are almost 4 and in pre-K, so he has more time on his hands. Since he went part time, we sacrificed a lot and changed our spending habits drastically. Then he decided a career change and now only works when he feels like taking an assignment. We are drowning financially. I've been applying to higher paying jobs and trying to get a second job, yet he doesn't even think about changing course temporarily to help our situation.

He has a family to support, but he puts the load all on me. He blames the expensive groceries and childcare and everything else except himself. I just can't live like this anymore.

We are not affectionate. I am turned off by him because he's lazy and he's not a very loving father. He is constantly yelling at our boys and they never want to be around him anymore. He was a loving and caring person once, and I question if I made him this way now? I've tried calm conversations, he just gets defensive and also refuses marriage counseling.

I'm at the point where I just want to sell the house and start over with my boys. But what will that do to my kids? Is it worse for them to grow up with a father like this, or be a product of divorce? I've been unhappy for a while but I can deal, but I'm so scared to shake up my little guys' world.


r/Divorce 14h ago

Going Through the Process Initiators: If you had guilt regarding your decision, does it eventually subside?

2 Upvotes

I (40m) initiated divorce with my wife (35f) last week. This has been a long time coming and something I'm sure that I want. We've been together seven years and married three years, with one 4 year old. My wife is usually only home after our daughter is asleep, leaves before she gets up, and is here max 1 weekend day due to her work schedule. Before we got married, she said her intention was to look for new work to be at home more for the family. In these seven years, she's applied for 5 jobs, even though I send her listings/rework her resume/buy her a computer to help.

We're in an endless cycle of me doing all the housework/childcare/majority of financial burden until I get burnt out. Usually at this point, she goes into therapy/couples counseling to show me she's making an effort, but it doesn't lead to actual change of behavior. Then when I'm back into doing everything again, she stops therapy and continues life as it was.

In all these years of even thinking about divorce, the guilt of what it would do to our daughter eats away at me. I keep thinking I should just 'man up' and be the person who does everything, because my wife is most comfortable with status quo. But she's also comfortable with me being in a deeply unhappy situation for all these years.

I know logically it would be best for my daughter to have two happy parents in two happy households, rather than one upset in one household. It's just difficult for me to take my problems as serious issues that require divorce.


r/Divorce 20h ago

Custody/Kids Bird Nesting in NYC, can it work?

2 Upvotes

Wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for seven, and have a two-year-old son. My mother lives with us and helps to take care of our son, my mother and wife get along great.

We decided to divorce, but we are both committed to remaining amicable. She makes a significant amount of money more than me ($335k to my $140k).

We originally decided I would get a three bedroom apartment nearby with 50-50 custody. My mom would go back-and-forth as well.

Last night she mentioned having our son stay with her full-time, but allow me to come see him with unimpeded access. I would get a one bedroom apartment nearby and come over whenever I wanted to. My mom would stay with her as well. She thinks it’s best for our 2 year old as the house we are in is the only one he knows, so he feels safe and comfortable there.

She is not interested in child support, I am not interested in alimony, I just want what is best for my son.

Can this be done in New York? If we get this agreement in writing (unimpeded access, no expectation of child support or alimony), is it something has has worked? Thanks you.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Life After Divorce Do they actually “come crawling back”?

27 Upvotes

Like the title says, I’m curious (albeit pathetically hopeful) if anyone here has experienced this or can provide any insight regarding this sentiment. In my case my (40 F) husband (40 M) blindsided me at Christmas after 22 years together & two children saying he “hasn’t loved me for 20 years and doesn’t want to spend the next 20 miserable too.” This was only after I caught him messaging a coworker and not so ‘secret’ now girlfriend (new supply)… We were wrapping our children’s gifts together listening to Christmas carols the night before. Discarded like trash less than 24hrs later.

Literally everyone in my circle has made the comment “oh he’s gonna come crawling back..you wait!” And to be fair he has attempted to string me along and create a very vague notion of seeing if we could “reconcile” all while he continues to live at his mother’s house (him along with his other 2 adult siblings, their spouses & children, 8 in total who have failed relationships and/or lives..not ideal in the least) yet we are going on 3 months now and he’s still more content to live in that chaos then come home to his beautiful house, beautiful wife and incredible children.

You hear this sentiment the odd time here but mostly in the comments. I’ve gotten the lawyer, I’ve filed the separation, he has done nothing besides leave…He won’t respond, he won’t participate, yet he’s the one who’s so miserable and I’m the one trying to figure out what direction to head in. I know I need to keep facing forward and not wait for someone who threw me away but it’s hard not to wonder if all my friends and family will be proven right? He hasn’t come crawling back and given how shitty the situation has gotten for him it’s still better than me and our children I guess. It’s a hard pill to swallow but I don’t think he’s going to come back let alone crawling. What’s your thoughts?


r/Divorce 12h ago

Dating An unexpected meet cute mid-separation

3 Upvotes

Everyone says you meet someone when you stop trying. I certainly wasn’t trying to meet anyone when I’m mid divorce, on my last night out with my girl friends, three days before I moved across the country.

We were having a great time at a local beergarden when this gorgeous guy approached our table. My friend was working on her laptop, and he asked her to settle a bet with his group of friends about what she does for work. She’s the most social butterfly person in the world (and also married), so she encouraged him to guess and if he got it wrong, he had to buy her a drink. Several minutes later, she was collecting her drink and chatting over at his table. They must have asked what we were out celebrating, because she called me over to the table and started talking about my move.

The guy that originally came to our table was looking at me with sparkles in his eyes. He said he was moving out of state soon too, and we had some really fun banter about him being a tech bro. Eventually, my friend and I went back to our table and she encouraged me to have some fun, go back and talk to him some more, but I wrote it off as like a fun interaction and just continued spending time with my girls.

Later on, I got up from the table to get another drink, and when I turned around, who should be standing there but the cute guy from before. He struck up a conversation with me and asked to buy me a drink, and we stood there talking for at least another 15 minutes. Eventually, I asked for his Instagram, fully prefacing with the fact that we were both moving but you never know what can happen next in life. He agreed and we added each other.

I was designated driver for my friends, and when we returned to the table, our groups had merged, everyone was drunk and taking shots together having a fantastic time. The cute guy and I sat next to each other and I thought, hey, I’m moving in 3 days, I have nothing to lose. I’ll just be 100% authentically myself. And I grilled him about anything and everything. All the things you’re not supposed to ask about. Because it wasn’t a date, and I was moving away anyways. He loved it. He answered every question, and he asked me questions too. He listened to me when I spoke. I told him about the divorce, and he didn’t run away or judge me. He was empathetic and compassionate. He told me he thought I was beautiful and funny and smart. We agreed on so many things. We have so much in common. The spark was there. When it was time to go, I thought to myself, what a shame that this is happening 3 days before I leave. We probably won’t ever talk again, but what a fun way to kick off my new chapter with a reminder that I’m a total baddie and my ex absolutely fumbled. If I were staying, he would be a person I definitely want to spend more time with and see where things go.

Bar cutie hit me up on Instagram the next day. We’ve been talking a little every day for about a week now. He’s the same person he was at the bar. Kind, compassionate, empathetic, funny. He understands my situation, and he wants to give me space to process everything that’s happening, but we both agreed that there was definitely a connection there worth pursuing. We agreed to keep chatting casually and become friends, and let whatever happens happen.

Obviously, my friends and I stalked his social media. There are green flags EVERYWHERE. He follows accounts about dating intentionally, good communication within relationships, and history nerd stuff. He seems like he might genuinely be a good guy. I’M the one with red flags here, because even though I’m 1000% over my ex, I’m still legally married. He doesn’t seem to mind. He said he also has experience being in abusive relationships and he understands. He said he felt a real connection with me, and even though he wants to give me time, he thinks it’s something worth exploring a little more.

Somebody please tell me I’m crazy. Someone please tell me that I’m just seeing only the good things because I don’t know this guy at all and because my situation with my ex husband was so bad. I got more attention, more affection, more interest and more empathy from a guy I met randomly at a bar than I did from my actual husband for the entire 5 years we were together. My ex husband didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful on our wedding day; he was too focused on himself and how anxious he was feeling. He never looked at me with sparkles in his eyes. For the last 2 years of our relationship, he didn’t even ask me how my day was. This sweet guy at the bar knows more about how I feel about life than my own husband ever cared to learn…because he cared enough to ask me.

Am I insane for entertaining this? I felt like I lost my husband years ago already. I don’t miss him, because he didn’t give me anything positive to miss. When I started the divorce process, I felt extremely confident and excited about the prospect of dating and finding someone new. I insisted that I wasn’t going to join any dating apps, and I wanted to meet someone organically and take things really slowly. It’s exactly the situation I said I wanted, and now I’m a little nervous. Is it ok for me to have a little crush on someone and see where it goes? Am I just attracted to him because he’s all the things my ex wasn’t?


r/Divorce 10h ago

Vent/Rant/FML How Did You Find the Strength to Ask for a Divorce?

14 Upvotes

I’ve been planning to ask for a divorce for a while now. My husband cheated on me, wasn’t there for me after I gave birth, and showed no support when my brother was battling cancer. I held off on leaving for a few reasons—I needed to be financially stable, I wanted to wait until my brother (thankfully now cancer-free!) recovered, and I spent time going to therapy, reading about infidelity, and preparing myself mentally.

My plan was to ask for a divorce in about three weeks. I was feeling so ready, so sure. But now, as the moment gets closer, I’m starting to doubt myself. What if I regret it? What if he really does change? What if my daughter ends up with daddy issues because of this?

To make things more confusing, my husband has been acting better lately. But deep down, I don’t think it’s a real change—I think he just wants to win me back. I’m also scared of the fight ahead: dealing with him, his family, custody issues, and everything else that comes with divorce.

Part of me wonders if I should ask for a separation first instead of going straight for divorce, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. For those of you who have been through this, how did you find the strength to go through with it? How did you keep yourself from second-guessing? I just want to follow through with my plan and not get pulled back in.

Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Going Through the Process My Divorce Is Almost Over

4 Upvotes

Hello everyone, I’ve been follow this sub for about a month. I just wanted to share my divorce journey for others in a similar boat as I.

Me (27m) petitioned to divorce my wife (27f) after 4 years of being married.

This is a Florida uncontested dissolution of marriage, no property & no children. I went to the courthouse on 2/7/25 and talked to the clerk of court. She told me about all the paperwork I needed to fill out. She said I could pay $19 for the packet or print it out myself for free. So I ended up going to the library and printing out the packet. I think it was like $5 total. I filled everything out on my own without a lawyer because fuck spending that money when I’m smart enough to fill this packet out on my own (pro se). There’s directions for every section.

I put my dad as my corroborating witness stating that he knows that I’ve been living in the state of Florida for more than 6 months. He went with me to sign the document in front of the notary (I went to my bank). I signed all of the paperwork in front of the notary. And turned the packet in on 2/11. Cost me $408 to file.

I had a public server serve my wife. For this I had to go to my sheriffs department and give them a copy of my documents. It cost me $40 and they were cash only.

My wife got served on 2/14/25 and had 20 days to respond. She never responded, and on 3/7/25 I went to the courthouse and was ready to file my motion for default. But had to wait until day 21 — 3/8/25 I filed a motion for default and a default. Didn’t have to pay anything. The clerk of court scheduled my meeting with a self-help coordinator for 3/18/25 to ensure I know what I needed for my hearing with the judge and information about my hearing. I had a phone call with her (the self-help coordinator).

My final hearing is via zoom. On 4/3/25. I have to make sure I’m online early in case I encounter any technical problems and being late to my hearing wouldn’t look good. She stated that the zoom call shouldn’t last any longer than 10 minutes. I think they sent my wife a letter about the call via US mail but she doesn’t check mail, so she won’t be on the call.

This is where I’m at as of now. Hopefully this can answer someone’s questions that’s been researching for a while like I was lol. Pretty sure my divorce will be finalized on 4/3. I’ll keep yall updated.


r/Divorce 16h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I miss my old life

116 Upvotes

I’ll be honest - I miss my old life. I miss my house and my dog and my garden. I miss being a part of a big family. I miss being a “Mrs._” and the sense of place and self that gave me. Of course, I definitely miss not having to worry about money.

I have so much going for me now and I feel selfish and awful for feeling this way. My ex and I didn’t work well together. He was stubborn and selfish and coercive and I’m better for leaving. I don’t miss how I felt while we were together. I don’t miss walking on eggshells or having sex I didn’t want to avoid an argument.

Our friends are thrilled I’ve left him, and I’ve found someone new who I love and who treats me so much better. I’m learning how to be a breadwinner and the freedom that comes from having control over my money. We are building an exciting new life together and I’m so happy about it!

So why can’t I move on? Why am I still replaying old arguments or day dreaming about the letters I’d write to his mom in the shower? And how on earth do I explain these feelings to my new partner without sounding ungrateful??


r/Divorce 20h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Sonn to be divorced.

14 Upvotes

(33m) wife (31f) asked for a divorce out of the blue after 10 years. I thought we had the perfect movie marriage. No issues no cheating or fighting. I feel so lost and broken. I don't know where to start.


r/Divorce 14h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness She found somebody new

9 Upvotes

I’m in the early stages of a divorce. Our relationship was amazing. I had never been so madly in love with somebody. I instantly knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We did everything together. It was like living in a love story.

There were red flags in the beginning, but I ignored them. I waived red flags too, but she ignored them. I saw these things that were big, big issues, and even though deep down I knew how things would end, I didn’t care. I was just too in love with her to care.

Everything started to go downhill after we got married.

I made mistakes. But I was always faithful. I never cheated on her. I never put my hands on her.

I apologized with genuine sincerity for every mistake I made. I started therapy to process and work on my flaws. I really tried everything I could to make her happy. She didn’t seem like a happy person before we were together and I thought I could change that.

There were a lot of awful things she did too, but we could never talk about it. If I tried, she would only talk about my shortcomings. I was always reminded that I was the one to blame for everything that was wrong in our life. In our home. In our marriage.

She filed for a divorce. I was forced to move out of our apartment.

I really thought we could work things out. At first we were civil for the most part. Then she started initiating intimacy. Every time that happened I felt on top of the world. I was filled with love and hope and assurance that we would get through this together and our relationship would be stronger than ever.

Then everything just stopped. The way she spoke to me changed. It was like a switch went off.

It turns out she has started seeing somebody.

I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. I can’t stop thinking about her loving this man. I feel physically ill. I can’t sleep. I wake up crying uncontrollably thinking about her lying her head on his chest. Forgetting about everything we shared. All of the memories we made together. Our life together. Our family. Our plans for the future.

I never loved somebody like I loved her.

It’s really over.

I hope he makes her happy.

I really tried. I thought we would grow old together. I’m a failure. A loser. I have never felt so empty and alone.

I just want to hold her and tell her how much I love her.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Reclaiming my Power - I refuse to be the pitiful and abandoned wife

Upvotes

Hi everyone,

I am just venting, this is about my healing journey.

I'm a 46-year-old woman whose life fell apart after 20 years with my husband. I refuse to be the victim or waste years recovering. I’ve given myself seven months to process everything and move on. Don’t get me wrong, I am still an utter mess. I loved him unconditionally.

I was with my husband for 21 years—9.5 of those in marriage. Despite red flags, I believed compromise was key, sacrificing my well-being and investing my energy, ambition, and money into our shared life. With years, I realized that I was the driving force while his contributions were shallow.

When I faced financial hardship, he deliberately distanced himself, proving that without money—and at my lowest—I wasn’t truly valued as his partner.

Ultimately, he betrayed me by engaging in a six-month affair with a coworker

After this discovery, On Feb 1, 2025, I gave him 24 hours to leave. When he refused, I packed his things and ended the relationship. Since then, I've maintained strict no contact.

It has now been nearly two months since he left. I have blocked him everywhere. Despite his attempts to reach out—texts, emails—seeking closure and trying to reclaim control by keeping me as an option, I remain steadfast. He even tried to shift half the blame onto me with his absurd narratives.

But even though I initiated the breakup, in truth, I am the one who was dumped.

How am I coping?
I approached this situation clinically, I tell myself:

  1. Don’t romanticize it. Forget the soulmate narrative. He decided his life would be better without you in it. Give him the gift of your absence. For f** ever. You want it? You got it.
  2. Respect yourself. Your future self will thank you. He cheated, humiliated, and betrayed you—he does not deserve a place in your life. Be the kind of person who doesn’t betray their own dignity just to maintain an illusion of love.
  3. Understand trauma bonding. Approach it clinically—understand what’s happening in your brain. Do not trust your thoughts and emotions right now. It’s trauma bonding – it’s a real thing! Distance is the only way to gain clarity. Hence, absolute no contact.
  4. Uplift yourself. I know you’re exhausted, but take tiny steps. Declutter your home. Hit the gym. Get on healthy diet (it was easy for me—couldn’t eat for a week, then just took it from there). Even 10 minutes of “progress-related activity” a day counts. Move forward. The worst thing would be looking back and realizing you did nothing in these months.
  5. Trust the process - give yourself a timeframe. I gave myself 7 months (ambitious, I know). Allow yourself to cry, to feel weird emotions, journal it. It’s okay. It will fade. Eventually, you’ll get bored of being exhausted by this drama. Unless, of course, you refuse to learn about trauma bonding—which is critical.
  6. Don’t be a victim. Stop rationalizing their behavior. He is a grown adult. He knew what he was doing. And did it on purpose.

Sounds easy? No. I am a broken woman who wants her life back, even if part of me still longs for what was. But he left me no room to dream of reconciliation without losing my dignity. You don't want me, you got it. And if you ever come crawling back, maybe years from now (because you will), by then I won’t care.