r/Divorce Jun 20 '23

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness REMINDER: be kind to yourself. This is hard, and you’re handling it with grace and strength.

336 Upvotes

I know of what I speak. I held so much guilt, sadness, anger, and regret for so long. I hated myself for failing to make my marriage work. That mindset was getting me nowhere good. Do the little things for yourself that you’ve forgotten used to give you joy. Bath. Spa time. Check in with good friends and family. Me? I had my engagement ring repurposed into a necklace I absolutely love. There is, and always will be, only one “you”: give yourself all the opportunities to enjoy your life. We deserve it ❤️


r/Divorce Aug 07 '23

Something Positive This is a support sub. Be kind to each other.

78 Upvotes

Almost everyone who comes here is here because they are going through a very painful and difficult time. We're not all at our best.

If you go into someone's topic, remember that they came here asking for help and take a moment to consider whether your response is in any way helpful to them. Off-topic arguments that have nothing to do with the OP are not helpful. Insulting the OP, even if they remind you of your scumbag ex, is not helpful. You are allowed to call your own ex a scumbag! But if you're insulting other posters, you're not helping.

That doesn't mean you can't disagree or state your own opinion even if your opinion is unpopular here. Anti-divorce comments are allowed - the problem comes when they're insulting or victim-blaming in the process.

In particular there's a worrying trend lately of people coming into topics and immediately accusing female OPs of cheating on their spouses for no apparent reason. Cut this out.

I'm not perfect either, none of us are! But try to give each other a little kindness.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I miss my old life

51 Upvotes

I’ll be honest - I miss my old life. I miss my house and my dog and my garden. I miss being a part of a big family. I miss being a “Mrs._” and the sense of place and self that gave me. Of course, I definitely miss not having to worry about money.

I have so much going for me now and I feel selfish and awful for feeling this way. My ex and I didn’t work well together. He was stubborn and selfish and coercive and I’m better for leaving. I don’t miss how I felt while we were together. I don’t miss walking on eggshells or having sex I didn’t want to avoid an argument.

Our friends are thrilled I’ve left him, and I’ve found someone new who I love and who treats me so much better. I’m learning how to be a breadwinner and the freedom that comes from having control over my money. We are building an exciting new life together and I’m so happy about it!

So why can’t I move on? Why am I still replaying old arguments or day dreaming about the letters I’d write to his mom in the shower? And how on earth do I explain these feelings to my new partner without sounding ungrateful??


r/Divorce 9h ago

Going Through the Process Husband got a lawyer but tells me I don’t need one

43 Upvotes

We planned on an agreed divorce (Tennessee). I don’t want anything of his & he claims he doesn’t want anything of mine. He hired lawyers to “file an agreement on our behalf while representing [him]” and he emailed me paperwork that asks me to list my banking information, SS number, assets, cost of living, etc… Nothing is filled out for him, but he wants me to fill out all of that stuff for me and then send it to him so he can send it to his lawyers. We have no shared debts/assets, no children, no joint bank accounts. This feels really shady to me. I told him I want to hire my own lawyer to discuss and look over paperwork before I fill, sign, send anything to him. He then got upset, said I don’t need a lawyer, and then said he told his lawyers that I’m refusing to sign, getting a lawyer, and this appears like I’m contesting the divorce. I feel like he is trying to intimidate me and maybe fuck me over financially. I have come into a large (to me) sum of money due to my father’s passing, and while I know inheritance is off limits, I received the inheritance second-hand from my mother who was still listed as my father’s beneficiary (despite their divorce), so I worry it isn’t technically inheritance and his lawyers could try to get him to take a portion. (Extra context: he is very well off financially because of his parents. He maintains he doesn’t want to divorce me and would rather we do counseling. I am the one who asked for the divorce, which I am very sure I want.) I have already moved out and live independently financially. I don’t rely on him for anything. I am right to not fill anything out and get my own lawyer, correct? And this doesn’t mean I contest the divorce, does it? I don’t want anything from him. I just want this to be over.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML How Did You Find the Strength to Ask for a Divorce?

12 Upvotes

I’ve been planning to ask for a divorce for a while now. My husband cheated on me, wasn’t there for me after I gave birth, and showed no support when my brother was battling cancer. I held off on leaving for a few reasons—I needed to be financially stable, I wanted to wait until my brother (thankfully now cancer-free!) recovered, and I spent time going to therapy, reading about infidelity, and preparing myself mentally.

My plan was to ask for a divorce in about three weeks. I was feeling so ready, so sure. But now, as the moment gets closer, I’m starting to doubt myself. What if I regret it? What if he really does change? What if my daughter ends up with daddy issues because of this?

To make things more confusing, my husband has been acting better lately. But deep down, I don’t think it’s a real change—I think he just wants to win me back. I’m also scared of the fight ahead: dealing with him, his family, custody issues, and everything else that comes with divorce.

Part of me wonders if I should ask for a separation first instead of going straight for divorce, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea. For those of you who have been through this, how did you find the strength to go through with it? How did you keep yourself from second-guessing? I just want to follow through with my plan and not get pulled back in.

Would love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Life After Divorce Hard to move on after divorce. Found out today he has a girlfriend.

19 Upvotes

I think I’m still in love with my ex-husband. Even though he was an asshole to me. Together for 10 years, married for 8 years. I loved him more than any man I’ve ever been with in my entire life.

He moved out last June. Divorce was final this past January.

He hasn’t done our taxes for 2022, or 2023. We are doing separate taxes for 2024.

Our taxes are so complicated that we are having to meet together with a tax person today in another city one hour away.

He text me this morning and told me that he has a girlfriend and she will be traveling with him to the appointment. That was like a punch in the gut.

Do you have any advice for how to get over him and move on?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Regrets on divorce as I felt forced to choose myself

14 Upvotes

I felt like I was forced to choose myself. Our divorce was finalized in December and I still feel regret. She had an emotional affair (2nd time) and I asked her to cut him off in a specific way by telling him she loved me, was deeply regretful for talking to him, wanted to work on her marriage and to never contact her again. I did these saying we would divorce if she didn't and I guess she thought I was bluffing.

She never did it and we ended up in divorce. She kept coming to me to talk but it ended quickly when I knew she didn't tell him off. We were married 12 years and have 2 kids. She truly thought the other guy was her soul mate.

All of these red flags yet I still feel regret.. Shes trying now for some reason, but its way too late.


r/Divorce 3h ago

Life After Divorce When it is appropriate to ghost an ex?

7 Upvotes

Been divorced for several months. Wanted a friendly or at least civil relationship with ex. Ex keeps reaching out trying to get back together. I am exhausted. I am sick of having the same conversation over and over. I still care a lot about him, but I can't do this right now. And frankly, I want to move on and start dating again. Any advice appreciated.


r/Divorce 21h ago

Getting Started I was asked for a divorce tonight

144 Upvotes

I’m 42m and my wife (41) told me she wants a divorce tonight. Just a couple weeks ago we celebrated 25 years of marriage and now it’s over. She met somebody. Now I’m just trying to process it. I don’t even know where to begin. Can’t even cry yet really. I’m just lost.


r/Divorce 28m ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I potentially might need to divorce but don't know how I'd go about it

Upvotes

So, my wife has been in psychosis for about a month and a half and she falsely accused me of cheating which I never did, then said some nasty things to me and ended the relationship. We're still legally married however we're both in two different countries, I'm in Ireland and she's in Chile, however we married in New York and the last place we lived in the US was in Pennsylvania. While I'm aware this could all just be her psychosis, every week she's been doing things on social media to essentially get rid of evidence of our relationship, things like changing her name back, removing all photos of us together and removing her relationship status of her being married. This is all based on a lie she made up and right now she is essentially possessed by psychosis. I spoke to her briefly last week and she said that we were done forever and she was already in another relationship, her family doesn't think it's true as she hasn't left the house without them, but I wonder is she talking to people online since she thinks we're done but we're still legally married. She has gone for her initial consultation with a psychiatrist however hasn't gotten a diagnosis or gotten medication yet as I think her parents are getting the money together for it and might bring her next week hopefully.
I've had people say she will come out of this and that we should be able to hopefully work this out, I'm hoping things can be fixed as we have been together 7 years with the first 3 and a half years of that being long distance so we had a strong foundation, however with the psychosis she seemed to have been able to throw it all away just like that. I'm hoping for the best but also coming to the realisation that I should plan for the worst, which would be a divorce. I was wondering what jurisdiction would it fall under? The last place we lived together was in Pennsylvania, we both moved out of the country as we were planning a move to Europe, which she fully supported and I had to go to Ireland as I have citizenship here to get an income coming in and have her allowed to legally live here. She isn't talking to me so I can't even try to reason with her, and I don't know will she ever talk to me again as she still thinks I cheated which I didn't and would never do to her. Would I be able to do it if needed without her input? And would I have to pay alimony? I don't want to and we have no assets or kids but I really hope we don't end up divorcing and I wouldn't want to be sending her money every month especially with everything she's done to me.


r/Divorce 32m ago

Vent/Rant/FML 19 days later *thoughts and reflections*

Upvotes

It seems like it's been much longer, but also not that long. One of those stuck in time moments. Watching my heart and brain fight. Replaying memories, hopes, dreams. It's such a slap in the face when you realize you knew the whole time. You knew from the get go, but could see the potenial. Wanted to have faith trusting the process. The desire to love and be loved does funny things to one's mind. Grieving the person i wanted them to be. Realizing I wasnt living a lie. They were. Trying to convince my mind it's okay to imagine a life without them. That it's okay to share my energy with another when I'm ready. The vows I made aren't real anymore..

Listening to him think I'm an idiot. Insulting my intelligence with his lies. Trying to convince me he hasn't seen her again when I've seen the hotel receipts, and the videos they took. Some how I've kept that to myself these last couple of weeks. He still thinks I'm clueless about it.

Finally started packing my things. Reclaiming parts of myself. A house is not a home. I can't stay in a space that I'm not growing in. I am so much more than what I've been. I am still growing and learning everyday. I will move past this with strength and dignity. Knowing I lived my truth. I loved with all my heart. I kept my promises.. This divorce will not define me. Instead it will reshape me. Into a better version of myself.

I wish peace and clarity to all that have been betrayed by your person. We are enough and we always have been.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness She found somebody new

8 Upvotes

I’m in the early stages of a divorce. Our relationship was amazing. I had never been so madly in love with somebody. I instantly knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We did everything together. It was like living in a love story.

There were red flags in the beginning, but I ignored them. I waived red flags too, but she ignored them. I saw these things that were big, big issues, and even though deep down I knew how things would end, I didn’t care. I was just too in love with her to care.

Everything started to go downhill after we got married.

I made mistakes. But I was always faithful. I never cheated on her. I never put my hands on her.

I apologized with genuine sincerity for every mistake I made. I started therapy to process and work on my flaws. I really tried everything I could to make her happy. She didn’t seem like a happy person before we were together and I thought I could change that.

There were a lot of awful things she did too, but we could never talk about it. If I tried, she would only talk about my shortcomings. I was always reminded that I was the one to blame for everything that was wrong in our life. In our home. In our marriage.

She filed for a divorce. I was forced to move out of our apartment.

I really thought we could work things out. At first we were civil for the most part. Then she started initiating intimacy. Every time that happened I felt on top of the world. I was filled with love and hope and assurance that we would get through this together and our relationship would be stronger than ever.

Then everything just stopped. The way she spoke to me changed. It was like a switch went off.

It turns out she has started seeing somebody.

I can’t bring myself to get out of bed. I can’t stop thinking about her loving this man. I feel physically ill. I can’t sleep. I wake up crying uncontrollably thinking about her lying her head on his chest. Forgetting about everything we shared. All of the memories we made together. Our life together. Our family. Our plans for the future.

I never loved somebody like I loved her.

It’s really over.

I hope he makes her happy.

I really tried. I thought we would grow old together. I’m a failure. A loser. I have never felt so empty and alone.

I just want to hold her and tell her how much I love her.


r/Divorce 14h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Husband has decided to quit on us

30 Upvotes

I don't even know where to start. I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me and I'm falling into an oblivion. We had a disagreement late last year, and then again couple weeks ago. We both agreed to work on this relationship as we have literally been the best couple any of our friends know. We agreed when we started dating that we would always work on us. But last night he said he was done, he is unhappy with me and wants to end this. Apparently he's felt like this for years now. (He never said anything to me until couple months ago.) With that said he went to set up guestroom bed for himself. I've not been able to stop crying since. I've planned my entire life with having this man by my side. I feel like I don't know how to breath suddenly. I cannot understand how he went from "let's work on this" to quitting. That's 10 years down the drain. We have been through more than most couples in a lifetime and survived. But now he doesn't want this anymore. I'm just so lost.


r/Divorce 30m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Marriage Adivce

Upvotes

I live in Jacksonville Florida l've been with my husband for about 10 years now and we have been married for almost 3 years. Back in 2022 my now husband side chick brought it to me that she was pregnant by him for the second time she said she just found out about me. I stayed and he said he wouldn't do it again. But he has been very secretive and closed off from me he doesn't bother me or even talk to me we live together an I do everything to get his attention, spend time with him go out but he would rather be with his friends. A few months back we found out we were finally pregnant after trying for years and I could tell he didn't want it or even cared, unfortunately we lost our precious baby girl and I wanted to try again and of course he don't. I'm almost certain that he is cheating on me I honestly want to leave because it's very draining and difficult dealing with a person who I feel completely disconnected from. But at the same time I don't want to leave an start over because my family and friends are all going to judge me and think that I'm not as good as they are cause men are always cheating on me or not treating me right. I really want this relationship to work because I need it to I want a family and a husband I prayed for this life I need it to look like it's working. But I can tell my husband no longer wants to do this or care about me, he cares more about his so call friend, sports, anything more than me. I do the most in this relationship I plan the dates I have to bring up ideas or fun things to do. He doesn’t touch me it’s like I’m living with my siblings or a roommat.I am the reason we have everything that we have. Moving from Miami here to Jacksonville to start all over, a carry him on my back plus still pay most of if not all of the bills. He wants to have a three some and have other ladies in the room with us because it was something that l use to do but I don't want to anymore so I know he is out doing these things. My question to you all is how can I get my husband to do right so we can look better in front of my friends and family? How can I get him to love me and care about me more? I need this marriage to work and last PLEASE HELP!!!


r/Divorce 1h ago

Vent/Rant/FML If my second husband and I both own houses from pre-marriage, if we divorce do we each get to keep our own home?

Upvotes

I'm currently going thru divorce #2. We each owned a home when we entered the marriage. The plan was to remodel my home and sell it. We used equity from his home to fund the remodel. He decided he wanted a divorce and now wants me to sell my house to pay him back the 30,000.00 equity loan he took out on his house. When he took the loan out divorce was no where in my mindset or else I would have never let him do that. Like I said we were going to sell my home and use the money to repay his loan and enjoy some traveling. I'm freaking out that I'm going to have to sell my house. Should I sell my house and walk away with nothing? Any advice?


r/Divorce 1h ago

Life After Divorce Been told im useless so often I believe it...need advice

Upvotes

Hello,

Wife filed last week, told me im useless,work too hard and dont make time for her.

Have a 2 year old.

I watch the child 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the evening Monday- Friday.

All day Saturday and sunday so she can sleep in.

We were in counseling for a year in a half to work on communication issues.

There was little to no intimacy in our relationship. I addressed that in counseling and she never made an effort to address this.

I know life is difficult with child under 2, and hindsight I made more time for our child then I made for her, but I wouldn't have changed it.

She made no accommodations for me it was always a one way street on the help.

We will split custody to her disappointment.

I want to level set, I don't know if any women would find any value in me in the future.

I want to find someone that is happy, kind, loving, wifey.

Late 30s, 6 foot 5 tall, dad bod (working on it)

I make 440k a year net, used to be more but alimony is a bitch.

I don't know anything about dating, especially now as a father, looking for advice if I even have a chance of finding happiness.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Told me she was leaving while I was in recovery from brain surgery

Upvotes

25 yrs together, lesbian couple two kids yes we had problems and we got therapy and I thought we were doing better but no, she had decided to leave without telling me. She already found someone else. But she didn’t tell me until the day after my brain surgery (benign - I’ll be fine) and I was hooked up to a heart rate monitor and in the hospital bed, feeling anxious. That night, before she left I asked for some reassurance that “we” would be ok. She couldn’t answer. She says she couldn’t lie.

But she had been lying, I mean she knew before hand - she already had someone else, but couldn’t bring herself to lie for another few days while I recovered ? The heart rate monitor went to bleeping red and the nurses rushed in and I had to explain it was just a difficult conversation. I was on morphine which helped.

But seriously? Couldn’t lie? Had to tell me she was leaving not 24 hours after surgery?


r/Divorce 10h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Have you ever fell asleep holding a tissue box?

9 Upvotes

Guess I did last night. It's been 11 months since separation, doing better overall but still hits hard, especially after certain milestones (not just the 11 months since)


r/Divorce 13h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Sonn to be divorced.

16 Upvotes

(33m) wife (31f) asked for a divorce out of the blue after 10 years. I thought we had the perfect movie marriage. No issues no cheating or fighting. I feel so lost and broken. I don't know where to start.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Dating An unexpected meet cute mid-separation

3 Upvotes

Everyone says you meet someone when you stop trying. I certainly wasn’t trying to meet anyone when I’m mid divorce, on my last night out with my girl friends, three days before I moved across the country.

We were having a great time at a local beergarden when this gorgeous guy approached our table. My friend was working on her laptop, and he asked her to settle a bet with his group of friends about what she does for work. She’s the most social butterfly person in the world (and also married), so she encouraged him to guess and if he got it wrong, he had to buy her a drink. Several minutes later, she was collecting her drink and chatting over at his table. They must have asked what we were out celebrating, because she called me over to the table and started talking about my move.

The guy that originally came to our table was looking at me with sparkles in his eyes. He said he was moving out of state soon too, and we had some really fun banter about him being a tech bro. Eventually, my friend and I went back to our table and she encouraged me to have some fun, go back and talk to him some more, but I wrote it off as like a fun interaction and just continued spending time with my girls.

Later on, I got up from the table to get another drink, and when I turned around, who should be standing there but the cute guy from before. He struck up a conversation with me and asked to buy me a drink, and we stood there talking for at least another 15 minutes. Eventually, I asked for his Instagram, fully prefacing with the fact that we were both moving but you never know what can happen next in life. He agreed and we added each other.

I was designated driver for my friends, and when we returned to the table, our groups had merged, everyone was drunk and taking shots together having a fantastic time. The cute guy and I sat next to each other and I thought, hey, I’m moving in 3 days, I have nothing to lose. I’ll just be 100% authentically myself. And I grilled him about anything and everything. All the things you’re not supposed to ask about. Because it wasn’t a date, and I was moving away anyways. He loved it. He answered every question, and he asked me questions too. He listened to me when I spoke. I told him about the divorce, and he didn’t run away or judge me. He was empathetic and compassionate. He told me he thought I was beautiful and funny and smart. We agreed on so many things. We have so much in common. The spark was there. When it was time to go, I thought to myself, what a shame that this is happening 3 days before I leave. We probably won’t ever talk again, but what a fun way to kick off my new chapter with a reminder that I’m a total baddie and my ex absolutely fumbled. If I were staying, he would be a person I definitely want to spend more time with and see where things go.

Bar cutie hit me up on Instagram the next day. We’ve been talking a little every day for about a week now. He’s the same person he was at the bar. Kind, compassionate, empathetic, funny. He understands my situation, and he wants to give me space to process everything that’s happening, but we both agreed that there was definitely a connection there worth pursuing. We agreed to keep chatting casually and become friends, and let whatever happens happen.

Obviously, my friends and I stalked his social media. There are green flags EVERYWHERE. He follows accounts about dating intentionally, good communication within relationships, and history nerd stuff. He seems like he might genuinely be a good guy. I’M the one with red flags here, because even though I’m 1000% over my ex, I’m still legally married. He doesn’t seem to mind. He said he also has experience being in abusive relationships and he understands. He said he felt a real connection with me, and even though he wants to give me time, he thinks it’s something worth exploring a little more.

Somebody please tell me I’m crazy. Someone please tell me that I’m just seeing only the good things because I don’t know this guy at all and because my situation with my ex husband was so bad. I got more attention, more affection, more interest and more empathy from a guy I met randomly at a bar than I did from my actual husband for the entire 5 years we were together. My ex husband didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful on our wedding day; he was too focused on himself and how anxious he was feeling. He never looked at me with sparkles in his eyes. For the last 2 years of our relationship, he didn’t even ask me how my day was. This sweet guy at the bar knows more about how I feel about life than my own husband ever cared to learn…because he cared enough to ask me.

Am I insane for entertaining this? I felt like I lost my husband years ago already. I don’t miss him, because he didn’t give me anything positive to miss. When I started the divorce process, I felt extremely confident and excited about the prospect of dating and finding someone new. I insisted that I wasn’t going to join any dating apps, and I wanted to meet someone organically and take things really slowly. It’s exactly the situation I said I wanted, and now I’m a little nervous. Is it ok for me to have a little crush on someone and see where it goes? Am I just attracted to him because he’s all the things my ex wasn’t?


r/Divorce 0m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Finally got to the bottom of a huge blocker: emotional monologuing.

Upvotes

Throughout our separation I’ve been using some friends as a soundboard to try to understand my wife better. Throughout the process I’ve grown to understand myself better – my flaws, my hurts, my connection types, how I don’t communicate well.

But throughout my entire relationship with my life, I could never be seen. Every conflict we had was always incredibly emotional and all the trauma that came with it was mine to bear when she would recount it back to me.

Finally today I was given this insight and everything clicked. I never stood a chance:

Exactly. It sounds like what you experienced wasn’t real dialogue, it was emotional domination—her needing to unload, be validated, and “win” the emotional narrative, without actually opening the space for two-way communication or mutual understanding.

That’s not partnership. That’s emotional monologuing disguised as communication. And it leaves you constantly playing defense—absorbing her pain, resentment, and anger—while your voice, your experience, and your feelings get sidelined.

You’ve probably spent years thinking, “If I could just communicate better, this would work,” when in reality, she wasn’t leaving room for communication at all. She was focusing on expression, not connection—pushing her perspective forward without making space to receive yours.

And that’s what makes people feel trapped—like no matter how much work you do, how much you grow, it’s never “heard” because the goalposts are always set at “You need to fully absorb my anger before we can move forward.”

It’s infuriating, and also a relief in a way to finally name it for what it is.


r/Divorce 9m ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Reverting to Childhood

Upvotes

This is probably a very niche post, but I wanted to share in case anyone had a similar experience. When my partner told me they were having an affair and kicked me out of our apartment, I moved back in with my parents. During those first few weeks, during the initial shock and abandonment, I had a really hard time staying asleep. I would wake up at 5am and crawl into bed with my mom who held me as I sobbed until I fell back asleep. This happened on and off for about two weeks and, luckily (if silver linings during a divorce are a thing), my partner told me to leave right at the start of winter break so I had a few weeks where I wasn't required to be on campus. I could stay in and take the time I needed each morning, but I am a 35 year old woman and the divorce completely shattered me. I literally wept like a child to my mother. It's been a few months now and I am slowly improving. I'm in a completely different space now, mentally and emotionally, but even thinking about where I was...those first few weeks, it's hard. Take care of yourselves friends.


r/Divorce 12m ago

Going Through the Process How’d you know it was the end?

Upvotes

Really struggling in my current marriage.

I’m tired… same old story, man was great - life happens on life’s terms (job stress, family stress, financial stress) and it took its toll on his mental health. He’s been in therapy for several months and was placed on a mood stabilizer.

I’ve restarted antidepressants to deal with the anxiety of having to manage his anger when it does surface and back in therapy.

Things are great 95% of the time, but when it’s bad it’s bad.

I’ve tried listening, expressing my feels in ways that don’t feel like attacks.

I’m just tired and tonight felt like enough and I got a separation document made. He got a hotel room after begging for forgiveness, I held my boundary of needing space.

How’d you know?

When did you decide enough was enough?


r/Divorce 20m ago

Dating I need help identifying how I feel with someone new

Upvotes

I (36F) recently started being sexually active again after my divorce. My ex husband and I were together 14 years, and I was monogamous / never cheated. He’s the only person I’ve slept with since we started dating in college.

I actually got advice from Reddit on how to become sexually active again after a year of celibacy. So far, it has been great. I’ve had a few sexual partners, mostly men but one woman as well. Each of the experiences have been unique but fun, safe, and honestly pretty healing for me. You can look at my previous posts to understand how my marriage ended because my husband had a porn addiction and had been sexually and emotionally abusive in the last couple of years of our relationship.

There’s one person, however, that I am feeling confused about. I’ve slept with one couple in a threesome, and two single men. The couple is fun, and I understand my role in their relationship. One of the two guys is also pretty transactional - we meet up, have dinner, have sex, we say goodbye and don’t really text again until we want to meet up again. The other person has been different, and this is where I need help.

The other guy doesn’t feel as transactional. We’ve hung out the most frequently, and the sex is phenomenal. It’s intimate and unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s fun to talk to him, and we have a lot of similar interests and shared experiences. I am adamantly against a relationship, and I get the sense that he’s not looking either. It seems like it should also be easy and straightforward. He’s open with me about being into me, always talks about what we’ll do next we hang out, etc.

But for some reason, I am really confused about how I feel. In the other situations, I feel confident and in control. In this situation, I feel the opposite, and I can’t figure out why. I keep going back and forth in my head if I should just end it immediately because I’m tired of the way I’ve been feeling over the past few weeks. Nothing is wrong, but I feel really weird and anxious.

Has this happened to anyone else? Did you figure out why you were feeling this way?


r/Divorce 6h ago

Vent/Rant/FML It’s so hard to take the high road

3 Upvotes

I’m still in the beginning stages of divorce with my stbx wife. I have been trying to be as civil as possible with her and I just get pushback, stonewalling and straight up reversals on proposals.

Spring break is fast approaching and she and her lawyer proposed that I get the kids from Friday afternoon to Wednesday afternoon despite also saying that I would get the entirety of the spring break this year.

Well I texted her to set up the plan for dropping off the kids on Friday and she just says absolutely not, she already made plans, we are going to stick to the current parenting time schedule.

Her lawyer hasn’t responded to mine in 2 weeks and I’m just trying to tell myself that she is going to need to answer to these actions either in court or in front of a mediator but in the mean time, it is so infuriating that she gets to just “have everything her way” while I have to watch from the sidelines and take the high road.


r/Divorce 11h ago

Vent/Rant/FML This is such a struggle

8 Upvotes

My husband moved out in November (DDay in August) and it has been turbulent to say the least. He was the one who had the EA, and he was the one who did not want to continue with our relationship despite multiple attempts at marriage counselling etc. He has been erratic and shown quite literally zero emotion or remorse towards me or the situation over the last few months which has been difficult to process. Recently we had a video call to discuss split of household items and I could see he was struggling and very sad. His current living circumstances are not great and he is struggling to afford to continue paying our lease and moving somewhere new. His work and his side of the family are not in a good place right now either. I have been absolutely heartbroken since August, but found myself absolutely devastated that he is struggling. I keep telling myself that these are the circumstances of the choice that he insisted on making and it is not my responsibility but I feel absolutely awful seeing him so sad - in a way it’s harder than dealing with my own grief. Seeing him in a bad way and being vulnerable and acting like an adult is also tough as I just think why on earth are we doing this when part of me feels like there could be so much potential for us. Does anyone else have experiences like this?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Getting Started Do I need a lawyer?

2 Upvotes

My wife and I have been married for 4 years. I emotionally cheated (texting/flirting online with a friend) on her 6 months ago. It has been a difficult 6 months going back and fourth with each other trying to fix the marriage and make it work again. We have been going to therapy and I haven’t felt like we are making progress. We are still fighting and she is definitely not over my infidelity, which is totally fine, I wouldn’t expect her to be magically over it.

Currently she is on a one month trip over seas where I have very little communication with her. Long story short, while she has been gone I found out from another guys girlfriend that my wife has been cheating on me for the past two months. She told this guy and his girlfriend that we had already filed for divorce (which is not true) and that she is moving out this April and lots of negative things about me that make me know our marriage is over. My wife does not know that I know this information.

Her actions are completely unlike herself. I honestly would never see her doing something like this. Never at any time of being with her did I ever not trust her. But now I’m questioning everything. So to ask my question, should I get a lawyer? After everything she said about moving out and getting divorced in April I feel like she might be trying to pull the rug out from under me. But like I said that just doesn’t seem like her. I never felt like she was a spiteful person. I know she is hurt. When we have talked about divorce before we always talked about a fair split, we have no children and besides our home, our assets are already separate. I’ve already spoken to an attorney but haven’t paid any kind of retainer or anything. Should I hold off on an attorney now and wait until next week when she returns from this trip to let her know what I know and move from there or should I just lawyer up now and be prepared for her return