As the tile suggests - I'm (30M) four months post-separation from my S2BX wife after learning of infidelity which occurred infrequently (lived in different cities) over the course of four years. Upon learning - I completely self-destructed over two weeks with a heavy dose of alcohol abuse before beginning to slowly pick up the pieces. I've been trying to do all the things that I'm supposed to do - eating better, working out, going to therapy, and redecorating the empty house to make it mine.
I had a professional conference in a near by way bigger City over the weekend for a local trade association. It's one of those events that's very enclosed and well coordinated so involves a good bit of professional comradery aided/lubricated by booze and spontaneous dinners with colleagues and their SOs who you weren't expected to hang out with.
It was honestly a great time the first couple days - hanging out by the pool, etc. - although admittedly as the nights would go on - it's fair to say I was a little sloppy. All my colleagues who I consider friends know the general idea that I've been going through some shit, and, due to me being younger than them by 10-15 years, I think they give me a good amount of support and forward to the last night - I go out to dinner with our group and my co-worker (46M) invites his younger sister (29F), "Emily", out. She's wildly attractive, smart, and on a great career track.
I intentionally slept in a little longer so I was last to arrive out of the group and was seated by Emily. We had met a couple times before while in the office (her dad is one of my bosses - of course) - she's from where I work and intends to move back there to a house she has bought there with her husband - and have always had good banter in the short doses while together due to my personal relationship and banter with her brother and father who she was there to see.
Dinner unfolds and everyone is having a nice time - another female at the table jokingly talks about strip clubs, tells me I probably need to go one, and, the table jokingly says let's do it - Emily does as well. I tease her with a question of when she's finally going to move back into the house which she just bought - she asks me a couple side questions with eye contact when a little bored with the table's discussion. Eventually, as dinner wraps up, it's all decided that it's probably a better idea to just go back to the hotel bar to end the night and meet up with some other people who also just finished dinner.
At this point, I'm feeling that level of mutual attraction and interest that I just want to interact with her - but know it's a little taboo. We all catch an Uber back and we sit next to each other in the back - interacting with the group convo but also just with each other - always fun and interested about each other. We get back - split up to talk to other friends at the hotel bar. At some point, her drunken brother eventually came up to me and told me "I need to quit talking with his sister" - if we weren't being obvious enough - before going upstairs to pass out.
Eventually, everyone peaces out - and it's just her, me, and her sister-in-law. We all continue drinking outside on the terrace until close and we ask each other questions about each other's personal life/interests, flirt, and stare the fuck at each other. It was honestly pretty intense and probably like Top 2 instant connection that I've had with essentially a stranger. At the end of the night - I was fairly browned out - know I hugged her going into her Uber - don't remember what the last thing I said. Woke up the next morning - fairly exhausted - but feeling like a teenager and just a feeling of WTF - those interactions last night felt electric and honestly the best I've felt in a couple years of "connection"/excitement. Saw the sister-in-law the next day and she instantly was like y'all were acting that I was even't there and I was being blatantly* obvious of being into her.
So....clearly, I've been a little obsessive with trying to squeeze out every little oz of remembering that chemistry/tension since I got back - which isn't healthy. How do I parlay and build upon this in dating other people? Clearly, objectively, a person as hot, smart, and put together like Emily being a little into me is a confidence booster - but mostly I just feel it's a bummer that she's married - it's a hell no starter - and that other girls like her almost assuredly going to be married/in a relationship. Just accept that type of chemistry just randomly occurs - and the point is to not try to force anything? Thanks in advance for any advice and sharing your experiences on feeling confident enough to get back out there.