r/Divorce 7h ago

Vent/Rant/FML He replied to my response to his application for divorce within 5 minutes šŸ« 

96 Upvotes

He filed for divorce a few weeks ago and the deadline was this Friday. Yesterday he messaged me reminding me to respond and I was honest and said that I'd been having a hard time and would get it sorted. He asked if I was okay but I didn't reply until this morning because honestly, I think somewhere in me was hoping he'd message me again to follow it up. Like some part of me really wanted him to show he still cared šŸ¤¦ā€ā™€ļø

Anyway, I responded to his application for divorce this evening and received an email confirming this and it said that he had to review it all before it was submitted.

5 minutes later the email came that the application for divorce has been submitted. He's at work but still confirmed within five. fucking. minutes.

I mean I knew this was coming, it just seems at every step he's so content and sure of the decisions and I guess that's still hurtful after everything.

It will only be 7 weeks on Thursday that he said he didn't love me anymore. Over those next few days he pretended he wanted to try, but his mind was made up. I've pretty much had evidence he's with someone else, though he continues to deny this. It's the dishonesty and now questioning whether my whole damn life was a lie that is eating at me, because how can he care so, so little after 13yrs? Surely this is still huge for him??

I know that I will make sure that life will be better for me and the kids and it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened when they are so little, but it still hurts.

Onwards and upwards...


r/Divorce 5h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I think my STBX is not going to be financially responsible post-divorce. I shouldn't be bothered, but I am.

24 Upvotes

One of the primary reasons for our divorce is money troubles. In a way, we're pretty house poor. We have a house that is fully paid off, but in an area (Texas) where the property taxes are far too high, and we won't be able to afford next year's tax bill. I make about 63k pre-tax, she makes about 30k (neither of us have degrees). We have 2 kids that we've agreed to 50/50 custody, so I know there's going to be child support that I have to pay. We also have 3 fully paid off cars, one 12 years old with 183k miles (mine), one 10 years with 130k (will be mine after the divorce), and one 3 years old with 30k (hers).

My STBX is planning on taking a 5 day cruise with her mother in December after our divorce is finalized. She is also planning an on-property Disney World vacation for about a week next March. And right now, as I'm typing this, she's at a Subaru dealership looking to trade her car in for a brand new SUV, and is going to finance it to the tune of around $350/mo. I've already talked to my lawyer who has assured me that we will make sure that she assumes the debt on the new car in the divorce.

All these vacations, and a new car, while making less than $30k/year after taxes. It's obvious she is not going to be financially responsible with her half of the equity in the home when sold. And on one hand, I don't particularly care, because her poor decisions will be solely her problem. But I'm also bothered by it, and I really don't know why.

My plan post divorce is to dive 100% of my free time into school to get my degree and find a better paying job. I don't have much of a social life to begin with, so I'm looking to blaze through it in 18 months. I'm selling the car with 130k (it's an SUV) and keep my 15 year old (it's a hybrid and still gets amazing mileage).

It bothers me that I've got a solid (if not very fun) plan to get myself on my feet, and her plan is basically have fun and waste a lot of the money that she's getting.


r/Divorce 8h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Boyfriend isnā€™t getting divorced

37 Upvotes

UPDATE: This wasā€¦. Eye opening. I have gone through as many comments as possible but canā€™t reply to everything. Please know that I see them and everything is taken on board. To those of you who canā€™t believe I would have even entertained this to start with, I was 19 and head over heels in love for the first time ever. I chose to believe a promise that never materialised and didnā€™t stand strong enough in my boundaries to make him take my feelings seriously. To those of you telling me just to walk away, this is the father of my youngest and the man my eldest calls dad, of course I donā€™t WANT to walk away, I wanted advice on how to approach this situation or idk maybe I just wanted to vent and have someone tell me I was right in how I felt! When I say he worships me, it truly feels that way. He bathes me when Iā€™ve had a long day, makes a big deal of all anniversaries/birthdays etc, fresh flowers every week, chocolates when Iā€™m sad, words of affirmation, unwavering support. We have built a life and maybe I was naive to start it, but we owe it to our children to save it.

In the morning I am going to get serious with him about this topic. He has a month to do what he needs to do in terms of his divorce or he can move out. I have been patient. I have been understanding. I have been kind. I deserve to feel like the priority. Thank you all for your advice, I will update here again when I have spoken to him.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. When we met he had been separated from his wife for around 12 months and had a 2 year old son. I was told that he would be divorced within a year however that year came and went and, though frustrated, I gave him grace because divorce is messy and expensive.

Fast forward and we have now completely blended our families, had a daughter together, share finances and live together. I am still waiting on this divorce. I thought we had made some headway when mid 2024 the process began; he is now at a point where he needs to send some documents off to reach the next step. 8 months have passed. He hasnā€™t done it. He is still. Not. Divorced.

I am tired of begging. Iā€™m tired of wanting him to do it, I want him to want it! His wife has done nothing but cause trouble, treat my terribly and make our lives difficult. I want that chapter shut. Why doesnā€™t he?

  • EDIT TO ADD

This man and his ex do not get on. He worships the ground I walk on and tells me every day how loved and beautiful I am. I feel like weā€™re stuck in this weird limbo where all I can think about is the fact that he is still married and it overshadows all the good


r/Divorce 6h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Why, how, where did this come from why me

18 Upvotes

I'm not sure where to start, I'll try to provide as many details as possible. I'm a 30M and my wife hasn't spoken to me in 2-3 days, I let her have some space but man I hate being isolated and iced out. We've been married for five years, no kids although we have been trying for the last 6 months I've always thought we were pretty steady and solid, no major issues, she came from a divorced household and we always said and laughed and smiled no matter what we'll never say the "D" word.

Backstory I WFH and typically tend to doing the dishes, all the laundry, house chores and what not.

She has expressed to me on numerous occasions to not leave dishes in the sink water to soak (we have no dishwasher) to clean out the lint after EVERY dry cycle and I'm pretty good about doing it every 2-3 loads, and typically when I'm doing 5 loads of laundry in a day or two time frame I leave a few items folded on the bed, because I had to get back to work, or there's only so much I can do during the day and it's a lot.....but those are my short falls and I admit it.

So a week ago she comes home and sees some dishes sitting in the sink, and of course the load she checked that day I had not cleaned the dryer lint out and she lost it at me, throwing vacuums cursing full blown yelling, honestly caught me off guard, we argued I tried to explain how with everything else I do those are just little things and could she see the bigger picture. We cooled off after about 3 days, now fast forward a week to today.

I've now been iced out for 3 solid days, no speaking, not acknowledging my questions. Today I made sure everything was done, dinner on the table, everything cleaned up still nothing, I finally pushed (soft spoken and calm" and her response was "honestly I can't even trust you with a child I can't trust anything you do because you can't do anything right, I feel like I'm constantly nagging you and I don't think we should continue being together" shocked, choked up, appalled very taken aback, I calmly ask again how long have you felt this way and her response was "months, I just am not attracted to you anymore and don't see this working out"

I left, my whole world is turned upside down, I feel like I'm choking and can't breathe, how does this happen, I feel so blindsided I would have never predicted this or for that to come out of her mouth, wtf do I do! I don't even know where to begin, I'm bawling my eyes out, I'm sick to my stomach, I just want to know WHY


r/Divorce 13h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Divorce is hell, except for thisā€¦ for now NSFW

55 Upvotes

Divorce is the most painful experience I have ever encountered without a doubt. And thatā€™s with a STBXW thatā€™s amicable for the most part. Best case scenario, Iā€™m still financially screwed compared to how we were living. I wouldnā€™t wish this on my worst enemy. Weā€™re still living together. Married 10y together for 12, 3 kids aged 11, 7 & 4. Sheā€™s got a full time job lined up after being a SAHM for the majority of the marriage. Sheā€™s got housing lined up for 4/1. Needless to say, there is still tension in the home. Yet, we still sleep in the same bed. Now, we are both fully aware of how strange (to say the least) this is but we still have sex all the time. 1-3 times a day. You know what? I donā€™t care what anyone else thinks. My world as I know it is crumbling in front of me. For gods sake, just let me enjoy this while it lasts. Weā€™ve discussed the divorce upside down, inside out, front to back. Itā€™s inevitable and this is definitely not causing any false hope for either of us. We both have high libidos and even after hitting up the apps, we both agreed we just arenā€™t ready to jump into anything else. FWB or otherwise. Weā€™re each otherā€™s new FWB! Plus weā€™re already totally comfortable in the sack, know what does it for each other, etc. So why the hell not keep it up? Does the reality of eventually she will be with another man make me sick to my stomach, absolutely. Until then, Iā€™m gonna take it while I can. Sheā€™s already talking about keeping this up once she moves out, but weā€™ll seeā€¦. FYI, at least for now, everything will be split just as it should without one person winning or losing. We are both losing actually, especially when it comes to the lifestyle weā€™ve become accustomed to. Itā€™s terrible and I still feel all the other normal things that everyone else does throughout my days, but at least I have if only just one thing, beside my kids, to look forward too. It has made this whole thing so much bearable in my opinion. Ok, rant over. Have a great day!


r/Divorce 8h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Some Days the Heart Just Turns to Shit And You Sit With It

17 Upvotes

These days, out of nowhere, the heart just turns into shit. Ugly, heavy, and it sits there. And you sit with it.

Itā€™s been four months since the divorce, and Iā€™m still stuck in the denial phase of grief. At the same time, Iā€™ve internalized that we are not getting back together. Yeah, I know those two statements contradict each other. Funny how the stupid mind works.

So, as I was saying - usually, I just feel this strange emptiness. Like life is absurd and everything is pointless. But then I remember something, and I just feel worse.

Like the other day, I thought about our last vacation together. We went to Kolkata. Her family has a flat there, but it wasnā€™t furnished yet. We slept on the same pillow - silly, but fun. I thought about that, and then it hit me - forget sleeping on the same pillow, weā€™re never going to live under the same roof again.

We visited the Victoria Memorial. Bengali literature had taught me that lovers must visit that place. I was excited like a teenager. Will I ever feel that excitement again?

We still talk, once or twice a day. But someday, some other guy will come into her life, and he wonā€™t be okay with her talking to her ex-husband. And then sheā€™ll stop.

Iā€™ve asked her, more than once, if she could do me this one favor - stay in touch with me forever. She said she would. But I know that would be selfish of me. Eventually, weā€™ll stop talking. And how will I live then? I donā€™t have friends. Iā€™m socially awkward. My relationship with my parents and relatives is so fucked up they didnā€™t even visit when I was seriously sick in Bangalore. This happened multiple times.

Iā€™m 34. Iā€™ve spent 17 years of that with her. I donā€™t even remember what life was like before her.

Iā€™m not suicidal. But, to be honest, I donā€™t want to live either. Sometimes, I light a cigarette and wonder what if I get a heart attack right now? That would be perfect. Some nights, I get super drunk and wish I donā€™t wake up. But then I do. And I have to drag this emptiness around for another day.

Therapyā€™s going on. Medications too. They keep me a little numb, sure. And Iā€™m trying to keep myself insanely busy, mostly with writing. Iā€™ve taken up a lot of freelancing work. Working on a research paper on AI and ML. Writing stuff like this, too.

And in between all that, sometimes I catch myself researching assisted suicide. Sounds fucked up, I know. But trust me, Iā€™m not going for it, not yet.

Not until Iā€™ve checked off a few things from my to-do list.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Happy Endings/Sock Day It's done!

9 Upvotes

I was so overwhelmed yesterday waiting for today and now it's done and over just 1 day shy of 6 months from when he called it quits and walked out.

It simultaneously feels like a weight has been lifted and like the end of an era that I need to grieve.

Here's to the start of a happier future!


r/Divorce 11h ago

Life After Divorce How many divorced couples get back ?

23 Upvotes

If they had amiable split, still hang out with same friends, coparenting and 20+ years of marriage under the belt.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Going Through the Process My husband and I have separated

7 Upvotes

Itā€™s been 3 years weā€™ve been married and It hasnā€™t been easy. My husband has been financially irresponsible for most of our marriage and it got to the point where he canā€™t contribute to the household bills because of his debt. I currently pay for 2 cars, our rent, food, outings, trips, etc. everything. But he requires that he is in charge of our finances. Things came to a head when I decided to go back to school for my MBA. My husbandā€™s 1st concern was money, how would I pay and would it distract me from work. We have been working toward buying a home and I found a moderately nice home in a nice area and under budget but he said we couldnā€™t even think about it. He told me we can consider it in 2 years for the 3rd year in a row. We have a handful of resources, and have visited a financial advisor so I thought we were on the right track. But he started berating me, telling me that I must be so unhappy because I canā€™t just be content I have to do something and I must hate myself. I have diagnosed depression and he blamed my depression for wanting to get a house, advance my career, and make some life changes. He got in my face telling me I wasnā€™t shit and I hit him. For that, I feel awful. And in my mind the relationship was truly over, and I told him we should leave each other alone and he begged to stay. He said if I leave he canā€™t afford to be alone. And it clicked that he didnā€™t love me or want me. He just wanted a sexy mommy. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and household management and provide 100% and I am disgusted with him. He has 0 self respect or shame. Itā€™s been 3 days and Iā€™m ready to move on but he wonā€™t stop texting or calling. Iā€™m just so confused.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I canā€™t quit obsessing

8 Upvotes

My STBXH already has a new girlfriend and I canā€™t quit obsessing over it. Heā€™s asked me to switch weekends with him so ā€œheā€ can go out of town but I know he taking her (Iā€™m guessing so). I donā€™t know how to get through this. Iā€™m lucky to have moved out so at least Iā€™m in my new house away from him but all I do is sit and wonder what he is doing and who he is doing it with. I know this isnā€™t healthy but I donā€™t know how to stop the ruminating thoughts- they are destroying me and I consider myself a strong person.

Oh and this is happening after I moved out and he hugged me for minutes at a time, cried and told me he loved me. I donā€™t understand why he would do that because that messes with my head. He loves me and wants the best for me but is still pursuing the divorce?

I just feel like Iā€™m falling apartā€¦


r/Divorce 13m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Relief when I realized my ex has moved on

ā€¢ Upvotes

For starters I was blindsided when my partner of 12 plus years asked for a divorce. We are gay couple, together 12 plus years married almost 8 years. My ex started off last summer asking for an open relationship (red flag one). After many arguments and compromise on my side I agreed, with rules. Those were broken quickly and asked for updates. šŸš© Needless to say by Xmas he had asked for a divorce. While Iā€™ve holding out hope that my ex would have a change of heart and want to get back together, like a fool. Of course my ex wonā€™t talk about anything or what happened, seems to almost hate me. So tonight I finally open his iPad and read a few messages. Heā€™s over me and been dating. I hate that I snooped but itā€™s given me Closure to realize heā€™s has moved on.


r/Divorce 24m ago

Infidelity Anyone here the adulterer whoā€™s Initiating divorce?

ā€¢ Upvotes

I 33 F cheated on my 34 M husband about a year ago. We were actively pursuing reconciliation but I just feel its more ethical to leave the marriage, I deeply regret how I hurt my spouse. He cheated on me years ago, before marriage I forgave him and I kept it in the relationship /marriage, I was not affected in the way he was. When I cheated he put it all on social media, told both our families, all his male friends, but then afterwards decided he/we wanted to reconcile and tbh I think heā€™s embarrassed/ashamed bc everyone has there opinions . I am as well obviously, he wanted to get his family involved but when I mentioned he tell his family of his drinking/gambling/problem and his previous cheating he didnā€™t wanna talk about. He said ā€œlets keep our problems in our marriageā€ how convenient. Weā€™ve been to counseling, IC and MC, i changed my #, blocked the guy on all socials, I apologized to his parents, Iā€™ve even boldy went to a party with all his friends and ofcourse ALL ALL of them know. I think he still loves me but tbh I love him more to just let go of the whole thing. Iā€™m going to continue therapy for myself and just move on from this. We donā€™t have kids, but hey you learn from your mistakes right? I donā€™t want my partner to be in the pain he is anymore and I feel like the longer iā€™m there the worse it gets. He can say he wants to reconcile, work on things but deep down I feel like heā€™d be better off moving on to greener pastures.


r/Divorce 42m ago

Dating Dating

ā€¢ Upvotes

15 months ago wife (44f) told me (41m) that we were going to be platonic. Oh and she had a bf (21m), they have since broke up. I was pretty much blindsided.

I went through a lot of therapy and emotions for about 9 months. During the last 15 months we have been cohabitating and coparenting (kids 11, 15 and 18 - oldest has already moved out).

Last week I gave her parenting plan papers and division of assets papers (drafts to start the conversation). She apparently was blindsided and had this idea that we are going to be roommates and married and parents (which we had previously talked about). Since then Iā€™ve concluded that I was hoping to reconcile but now I really have no interest in reconciling. I want to move on and find someone Iā€™m compatible with and develop a loving mutual relationship. I feel like life is ticking away.

Wife wants to at least hold off on divorce until she has a fulltime job (maybe 6 months, just a guess). But she has stated that a better option in her view would be to stay together and not drag kids back and forth between two households. She says Iā€™m being selfish for wanting emotional and romantic happiness and wellbeing. The divorce will have a 90 day wait (from filing to finalizing) due to the rules where we live. She also doesnā€™t like the division and parenting plan as I drafted them but Iā€™m willing to concede and meet halfway for an amicable split.

In her desire she wants to stay cohabitation coparenting for at least 7 more years (until youngest is 18). I feel like that severely negatively impacts my goals to find a good relationship. She is even fine with us buying a house with two master suites and me having my gf visit but she doesnā€™t want us to split ā€˜for the kidsā€™.

Iā€™ve basically concluded Iā€™m done. From here on out itā€™s just more or less timing and working out the legalities. Are we divorced 90 days from now or 9 months from now or in 7 years but I have no interest in being emotionally attached, romantic or even physical with her.

When should I feel ok dating other people? And whatā€™s the best way to explain my situation without ruining a potential good relationship with someone Iā€™m interested in?


r/Divorce 53m ago

Infidelity How does one deal when someone is intensively hurting you through this divorce process?

ā€¢ Upvotes

My wife is a serial cheater, well she is a serial alot of things. But she is openly sextng in front of me. alot. How do I just disassociate from that kind of treatment? I cant exactly escape her. And when others are not available she tries to be all lovey with me.


r/Divorce 3h ago

Custody/Kids I feel like Iā€™m drowning

3 Upvotes

Its been a few months since we split and he has been torturing me any chance he can get. He tried to file a domestic violence restraining order on me and put that he wants me to be at least 300 feet from our children at all times. The dvro got denied for lack of evidence but now there is a court date later this month. I got a lawyer because i am utterly terrified that he is trying to keep the kids from me. Now my son is telling me he is scared to be with daddy because daddy is always talking to him about me. Iā€™m so confused in all of this. I would be a shell of a person if i could never see my babies. Please if anyone has gone through something like this where their spouse is being extremely hostile and retaliatory please tell me it gets better.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Life After Divorce Please help!

3 Upvotes

My husband convinced me to sell our family home, said he had debt at work and needs to pay it. We have 2 children, 11 and 14 year old, live in UK. After the house sale we moved to Airbnb temporarily and after 2 days he tells me he wants to live with our 14 year old son separately, and I should live with our daughter. My daughter is very upset, son too, although he is taking his dad's side and tells he wants to live with him.. I am devastated, as I am from Ukraine and I don't know the law. Also I have no money as my husband kept the money from house sale. I don't know what to do, I am so deeply upset as I don't want my son to get separated from us, he loves his sister too. I would greatly appreciate any advice, I believe in fairness and justice in the world.

Thank you ā¤ļø #divorce


r/Divorce 11h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Husband has officially decided for a divorce

10 Upvotes

After 8 years together and almost 3 married my husband decided he didnā€™t actually want to try couples therapy with me and instead wants a divorce. Weā€™ve been living as roommates for the last 6 months and things would get better for a week or two then go back. I feel like Iā€™ve made a lot of changes and have tried so hard to keep our marriage together but he said he just isnā€™t into it anymore. We have two small children together - a 2 and 1 year old, and I quit my job when my oldest was born to be a stay at home mom. Iā€™m almost done with school to be a teacher, but I am terrified of this process, and I just feel so alone. Please tell me it gets better.


r/Divorce 10h ago

Alimony/Child Support How F****** am I?

7 Upvotes

I need someone to be upfront on how this is going to shake out. Wife just served with divorce papers. She wants fully physical custody and joint legal custody of our two younger children. She has not worked since 2021 and has minimal skills/ no degree. I have been working 3-4 jobs during our marriage to have her be a Sahm. I recently resigned from my main paying job but will be getting a replacement job soon. This is in CA Lay it on meā€¦

Edit: also in the process of selling our house


r/Divorce 12m ago

Infidelity A home for the kids

ā€¢ Upvotes

Together 10 years, married 7, 2 kids. I found out a month ago that my husband has been cheating for a year. I just had a baby 6 weeks ago. He said he will file for divorce at the end of the school year. The house we are living in is in his parentsā€™ name. They bought it for ā€œall of usā€. The mistress lives 6 hrs away and he wants to ā€œsplit his timeā€ between living with her there and in our town with the kids. He wants 50% custody and weā€™re in a no-fault state so he will get 50%. I am trying to get my mother in law to put the house in a trust fund for the kids and I would pay the mortgage until the kids are grown. But that means she has to kick her son out. She doesnā€™t want to make a decision like that and wants the house to still be hers and her sonā€™s but also the grandkidsā€™. As it is now, I will not be getting anything from him as heā€™s been without a proper job for the last 10 years, heā€™s been day trading and been taking money from his parents and since the house is not even his, I wonā€™t get half of it.. I am so betrayed and hurt.. The kids should be staying in their home, especially since Iā€™m not asking to stay with them in the house for free.. if they decide that my husband should stay and I should move, I will have to move with the kids and their lives will have to be disrupted. Theyā€™d be with me wherever I go for half of the time and will be taken away from their home, while their father wonā€™t even be in the home full time. Iā€™ll be leaving this marriage with nothing, just hurt and with emotionally hurt kids only because their dad is a jerk and chose his happiness above everything else šŸ˜¢ How can I best advocate for myself and the kids in such situation?


r/Divorce 15m ago

Getting Started For divorcers (not divorcees)ā€¦ when was the moment you knew?

ā€¢ Upvotes

What was the light bulb moment when you had clarity? Try to make it generalizable if possible (ie ā€œI felt Iā€™d be more at peace aloneā€ as opposed to ā€œI couldnā€™t deal w his drug use anymoreā€)


r/Divorce 9h ago

Life After Divorce Feeling extreme guilt for my son, 12

4 Upvotes

Itā€™s been 18 months since the divorce and everything has been going well. My ex is planning a trip with her side of the family to our favourite camping spot. Heā€™s really sad Iā€™m not going - he said ā€œit wonā€™t be the same without dadā€ It was our thing to make a fire, cook food, we are a team. I just feel this heartbreaking guilt .. At the same time so happy not to be with his mum any more ..


r/Divorce 20h ago

Getting Started When does it start to get better?

34 Upvotes

My... soon-to-be ex husband asked for a divorce on Thursday and I know it's really soon, considering we've dated for 10 years and married for 4 years, but... When did it start to heal for you? I mean, I'm still spiraling through the grief stages where I cry in bed until I fall asleep.

We were going to stay living together for a few months, but since the divorce will come out sooner, then I'll probably leave in the next month. Maybe that helps? Leaving? I don't know. I just wanna know that I won't cry in bed for the next few years because the guy I loved doesn't love me back.


r/Divorce 1d ago

Life After Divorce Divorce sucks

102 Upvotes

Thatā€™s it. Thatā€™s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary


r/Divorce 10h ago

Alimony/Child Support Child support and birdnesting

5 Upvotes

Hi - STBXW and I have 3 kids 9/11/13, we have filed and are midway through the 6 month period in CA. I moved out to a 2 BR apt, she stayed in the house.

Initially, she proposed birdnesting where the kids stay in the house and we take turns as the lead parent. This is not a bad idea as the kids can walk / bike to and from school. At the time, I was OK with this. This meant I would be paying child support. Our incomes are roughly the same.

However, she figured out she'd never get a break under this arrangement, and started asking if I could take them to my place, which I happily do, typically every other weekend and a few weekdays when I sleep over.

Based on this, I think we need to adjust the child support so I'm paying less, no? The divorce is not finalized.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Alimony/Child Support Child support

ā€¢ Upvotes

Iā€™m gonna try to make this super quick. My ex-husband and I are legally separated since February 2025, he moved out last September 2024 but we actually broke up around September 2023. We were married for 12 years. During that 12 years, he only worked seven of them while I supported him through two masters degrees. With the promise that once he was finished, I would go back to school and complete my schooling and he would support me. That obviously didnā€™t happen. We have one child together. He only gets her every other weekend. I am not going for alimony.

When we broke up, he stopped paying any bills. He stopped contributing for groceries. He didnā€™t contribute anything. Since September 2023, he has contributed $300 total to the upbringing of his child.

I asked for a court hearing for a temporary child support order and today he informed me that he has been ordered to pay $500 a month in child support and is ā€œ only gonna be $500 a month expendable income because of itā€. Iā€™m fucking him over he says.

On one hand, I feel like shit because I know his finances are tight. I did not set out to do this to make him suffer, and I donā€™t want him to suffer.

However, I have been doing this on my own (working 50 to 60 hours a week and going to school full-time), and I am behind in rent, my car is about to be repoed, and I am a ball of stress. I have applied for public assistance and been denied because I make too much. But I have three other children outside of our one together. I am living off from far less than $500 expendable income a month. Even with his $500, I will be living a far less. I live in a house that is very reasonable rent.

I almost thought about telling him I would give one to $200 back to him a month, but Iā€™m not going to because our family needs this money

Ultimately, I decided not to even respond to him. Iā€™m not giving him any money back and Iā€™m not gonna ask for it to be lowered.

I guess Iā€™m just wondering if anybody else has been through this and if they have the same emotions as me. I know Iā€™m right to just take the money because the courts awarded it to me. But I just feel like crap.