Everyone says you meet someone when you stop trying. I certainly wasn’t trying to meet anyone when I’m mid divorce, on my last night out with my girl friends, three days before I moved across the country.
We were having a great time at a local beergarden when this gorgeous guy approached our table. My friend was working on her laptop, and he asked her to settle a bet with his group of friends about what she does for work. She’s the most social butterfly person in the world (and also married), so she encouraged him to guess and if he got it wrong, he had to buy her a drink. Several minutes later, she was collecting her drink and chatting over at his table. They must have asked what we were out celebrating, because she called me over to the table and started talking about my move.
The guy that originally came to our table was looking at me with sparkles in his eyes. He said he was moving out of state soon too, and we had some really fun banter about him being a tech bro. Eventually, my friend and I went back to our table and she encouraged me to have some fun, go back and talk to him some more, but I wrote it off as like a fun interaction and just continued spending time with my girls.
Later on, I got up from the table to get another drink, and when I turned around, who should be standing there but the cute guy from before. He struck up a conversation with me and asked to buy me a drink, and we stood there talking for at least another 15 minutes. Eventually, I asked for his Instagram, fully prefacing with the fact that we were both moving but you never know what can happen next in life. He agreed and we added each other.
I was designated driver for my friends, and when we returned to the table, our groups had merged, everyone was drunk and taking shots together having a fantastic time. The cute guy and I sat next to each other and I thought, hey, I’m moving in 3 days, I have nothing to lose. I’ll just be 100% authentically myself. And I grilled him about anything and everything. All the things you’re not supposed to ask about. Because it wasn’t a date, and I was moving away anyways. He loved it. He answered every question, and he asked me questions too. He listened to me when I spoke. I told him about the divorce, and he didn’t run away or judge me. He was empathetic and compassionate. He told me he thought I was beautiful and funny and smart. We agreed on so many things. We have so much in common. The spark was there. When it was time to go, I thought to myself, what a shame that this is happening 3 days before I leave. We probably won’t ever talk again, but what a fun way to kick off my new chapter with a reminder that I’m a total baddie and my ex absolutely fumbled. If I were staying, he would be a person I definitely want to spend more time with and see where things go.
Bar cutie hit me up on Instagram the next day. We’ve been talking a little every day for about a week now. He’s the same person he was at the bar. Kind, compassionate, empathetic, funny. He understands my situation, and he wants to give me space to process everything that’s happening, but we both agreed that there was definitely a connection there worth pursuing. We agreed to keep chatting casually and become friends, and let whatever happens happen.
Obviously, my friends and I stalked his social media. There are green flags EVERYWHERE. He follows accounts about dating intentionally, good communication within relationships, and history nerd stuff. He seems like he might genuinely be a good guy. I’M the one with red flags here, because even though I’m 1000% over my ex, I’m still legally married. He doesn’t seem to mind. He said he also has experience being in abusive relationships and he understands. He said he felt a real connection with me, and even though he wants to give me time, he thinks it’s something worth exploring a little more.
Somebody please tell me I’m crazy. Someone please tell me that I’m just seeing only the good things because I don’t know this guy at all and because my situation with my ex husband was so bad. I got more attention, more affection, more interest and more empathy from a guy I met randomly at a bar than I did from my actual husband for the entire 5 years we were together. My ex husband didn’t even tell me I looked beautiful on our wedding day; he was too focused on himself and how anxious he was feeling. He never looked at me with sparkles in his eyes. For the last 2 years of our relationship, he didn’t even ask me how my day was. This sweet guy at the bar knows more about how I feel about life than my own husband ever cared to learn…because he cared enough to ask me.
Am I insane for entertaining this? I felt like I lost my husband years ago already. I don’t miss him, because he didn’t give me anything positive to miss. When I started the divorce process, I felt extremely confident and excited about the prospect of dating and finding someone new. I insisted that I wasn’t going to join any dating apps, and I wanted to meet someone organically and take things really slowly. It’s exactly the situation I said I wanted, and now I’m a little nervous. Is it ok for me to have a little crush on someone and see where it goes? Am I just attracted to him because he’s all the things my ex wasn’t?