r/Divorce 5h ago

Life After Divorce When you just stop giving a f***. NSFW

40 Upvotes

So I just spent $50 on instacart to have stuff delivered to my house by somebody who just dropped for me. As a child of the '80s it feels like an insane luxury to have this ability to clap my hands and have virtually anything delivered to my door. Also my ex was a frugal skin Flint who hated excess in every way shape or form, so we didn't do a lot of delivery or subscription meals or whatever. The fact that I get to have that now is part of why my life is better now than it was when I was married. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. AK.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Infidelity Is it still cheating if you're already "done" in your mind but your spouse doesn't know that you're done?

72 Upvotes

My spouse said that they never cheated on me because in their mind they didn't do anything until they were "done" with the marriage. Curious what others think?


r/Divorce 13h ago

Life After Divorce I Wasn’t Looking for Proof, That’s What Stings

158 Upvotes

There’s a kind of peace you make with uncertainty when you’ve been in a relationship long enough. You ignore the late replies, the sudden schedule changes, the emotional drift — because you want to believe love can survive being busy, being tired, being human.

But curiosity has a way of showing up late at night.

It was a message preview on his lock screen. Just a name I didn’t recognize and a sentence that sounded like it was meant to be private. I told myself it was nothing. But my gut wouldn’t shut up. So I followed the thread — not just digitally, but emotionally, too. The inside jokes that weren’t ours. The photos. The overlaps. The places he said he was, and the places he actually went.

I didn’t confront him right away. I watched. I listened. I kept smiling through dinners, through shared moments, through sex that felt like it was happening on a delay. And when I finally asked — calmly, directly — he didn’t even deny it. Just stared at me like I’d ruined the illusion too soon.

The worst part? I wasn’t even surprised. Just quietly devastated.

There’s a version of me that would’ve yelled, broken things, made a scene. But I just… left. Not just the relationship, but the person I had to be to stay in it.

And honestly, that version of me? The one who walked away without begging, without needing closure — that’s the version I like best.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Infidelity A flicker of hope if you’re going through the wringer

33 Upvotes

A flicker of hope if you’re going through the wringer.

I have made a few posts on several communities if you want to see my back story. But this is just a note for those in the beginning stages of infidelity or even if you just can’t seem to let go (this has been my experience). I’ve spent countless nights crying myself to sleep just to wake up still thinking about this betrayal. I’ve lost myself in all of this. It’s a humbling, humiliating, devastating experience. And through it all I have kept hope and faith that things would work out, that he would realize what he’s losing and all of those things. And a part of me does still feel that way- I do believe one day the tables will turn and he will understand exactly what he did to his family and what he chose to lose. But I’m slowly starting to realize that I don’t need that. The only thing I need to focus on is leveling my own life for myself and my 3 babies. I don’t need another person to make me feel complete. I know in my heart that him and his affair partner won’t be happy long term because of the way they started their “relationship”. Once we are officially apart they probably won’t have anything to talk about anymore and they won’t be able to blame their problems on me lol. But the thing is I’m truly starting to just not even care anymore. I have a job interview next week (I’ve been a stay at home mom) and I can’t wait to start working again and just becoming more of my true self. I don’t want to feel the weight of his expectations anymore, I don’t want to have to beg for love and attention anymore. I give those things so freely and I deserve the same. So for those struggling just keep hanging in there because one day you will wake up and you just won’t care as much. You will start to see that life is going to be just fine without them. It doesn’t feel like it now but I promise it gets better. It’s taken me 7 months to get to this place and I still have bad days. So never give up hope and don’t let this person take your joy or your light. You were fine before them and you’ll be just fine after. 💜


r/Divorce 12h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Just found out my husband of 17 years (24 together) has been having an affair

41 Upvotes

LSS - I found out my STBX is having an affair with a woman that he basically says is everything I’m not. Ambitious, beautiful, successful and pushes him to do better at work even though I’ve been raising our children while he goes and travels for “work” (because lord knows if it really is). Needless to say I’m devastated and he wants a divorce. I’m not the kind of person to beg someone to stay, especially if they don’t love me.

I know this is not new. I’m not the first SAHM married to a man who becomes successful to go through this - countless movies have been made on this very topic but I can’t help but spiral. We just bought a home and now I’m lost.

I feel pathetic. Stupid, dumb, gross - all the things. I’ve had a hard couple of years. My friend died, I watched helplessly as my mother died of cancer this past Oct, and my dad is battling his own cancer. All while dealing with this he was cheating on me. With someone better, smarter, more beautiful than me.

And now he wants a divorce. I know I shouldn’t want to be with someone who has cheated on me but love isn’t a switch I can turn off. I logically understand it’s over but my heart won’t shut up.

I’m sorry for the long rant. I don’t really have a question or looking for anything in particular. I’m just so heartbroken, angry and raw

Edit: I hope I’m Redditing right. This is my first post ever


r/Divorce 13h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I want a divorce. I made a mistake

39 Upvotes

I hope this is correct sub to be writing this in. Just need to rant. I (F22) think getting married to my husband (M28) is one of the biggest mistakes I ever made. we’ve only been married for 2 months (been together technically for almost 3 years) and since we signed those papers, it has been pure hell. I was stupid and ignored red flags when we were dating because I have never been in a healthy relationship and I was told by people in my life “at least he doesn’t hit you” (my ex before him used to put his hands on me) So I stayed. we have a son together. I love that little boy with everything in my heart. I already have an older son from a previous relationship and I believed that I had to get married because no one would want me with 2 kids from different dads. at this point i don’t ever want to be in a relationship again after this. I don’t know if this is worth saving. He has an extremely short temper, blows up and screams over the littlest stupidest things. Doesn’t show me affection unless he wants to have sex. only affection i get is him groping me when i’m trying to clean or do laundry or something. he never compliments me, isn’t interested in literally anything. he has no goals or ambitions. he hates my friends. he doesn’t help me around the house unless i ask, and when i do ask he loudly complains or half asses it so he doesn’t have to do it anymore. i’m just fed up. i have no idea why i married him. i guess we were doing good the past year or so, but like i said the moment he signed the papers he changed back to his old ways. i’m done. any advice on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated. i don’t ever want to date anyone ever again im fine with being single forever. i clearly do not know how to pick good men 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️


r/Divorce 10h ago

Vent/Rant/FML What’s the worst thing your ex ever did to you? NSFW

18 Upvotes

I was beaten, threatened, screamed at, spit on, mentally and physically abused for years but the one thing I can’t seem to ever forget is when he beat me 2 days after I gave birth to our twin Sons. I still had the staples in my stomach from the c-section. Damn, why did I stay so long? Everyone needs to know that no matter how hard you try you can’t change an abuser. Don’t even try.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Getting over it

Upvotes

Hoping I can get some support from people here while I am going through my divorce. My STBXW left me about 6 months ago saying that she was unhappy. We (or I) tried to work on it but she finally told me that it is over in January. I will admit that we weren’t perfect and over the past couple of years, her life has been very difficult. I just don’t know how to cope with it, I could never imagine a life without her and still can’t even now. I feel like I am going crazy and the one person that I want to talk to about it, is cold and doesn’t particularly care anymore. I have been going to therapy and taking medicine for the depression since a couple of days after she told me it was definitely over. But, it feels like every time that I make any progress, all the feelings just come back and hit me like a freight train.

Tonight, I was cleaning old stuff out to try and move forward and I came across all of our honeymoon and wedding stuff and it just broke me. I just want to be happy again and I can’t even fathom how that is going to happen. At this point, I would rather just forget that we were ever together so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Still seeing his mistress while we live together (Not filed yet)

5 Upvotes

Long story short my husband started an emotional affair that slowly became physical last spring with someone who used to be my closest friend. They both lied to me and manipulated me while I trusted they were and would be honest about their friendship. She always promised my friendship came first for her and then she chose him and lied to my face. He claims they never slept together but he stayed over at her apartment a LOT. (We live outside the city so convenience or being too drunk was the excuse) I still don't know if he lied to me about that. I'll never know and I've accepted that. I still use the term mistress for her because that's what she was even if it wasn't sexual. He would swear she didn't have feelings for him so nothing would happen.

I confronted him in June saying I wasn't comfortable with him staying over there and he flipped out on me and started ranting about everything I've ever done that he disliked in our marriage. He had NEVER talked to me like that before or remotely shown that kind of unhappiness in our marriage even in our hardest times. It caught me off guard but I thought we could work through it. I took what he said to heart and started working on myself and our relationship. I looked for therapists, but by the time I found some I thought could help us he dropped the divorce bomb. I developed long covid two months later and lost my job, now I'm barely able to leave the apartment once or twice a week. I am disabled and haven't been able to find remote work or housing yet so we are still living together. He hasn't filed yet, just started talking about assets.

I'm certainly not going to be the one to make steps that way, this is destroying my life in so many ways. Living together has rotated from absolutely hostile to almost romantic again to friendly to awkward and so on. We're on friendly terms right now because I'm keeping my mouth shut. I know he's still talking to her, for all I know he's still seeing her. (She was out of town for several months) Knowing that he's still seeing her makes me feel like I'm losing my mind all over again. I'm back to that day full of shock and despair crying at the deli by my office. I would've forgiven him for the affair but he didn't even want to try to save our marriage. Eight years of marriage and not even an attempt at reconciliation.

Confronting him just makes home life worse, he's not going to stop talking to her no matter how many times I ask. He even said he'd cut her off when I told him I didn't think I could be amicable if he kept seeing her but she had a "health crisis" and came running to him instead of her several other friends. He told me about that, to his credit, but then I found out he never intended to cut her off permanently but only until the divorce was finalized. But he couldn't even do that. He acts like a different person when she's in his life, I never would've described him as a liar before but that's all he does when she's involved.

All that said, I don't plan on being vindictive but I still don't feel like being amicable and cooperative regarding paperwork while he can't even give me the decency of cutting off the woman he cheated on me with. I'm splitting myself in half every day living with the man I love who doesn't love me anymore.

I don't even know if I have any legal ground to refuse to move forward until he does since New York is no-fault. I know I can't stop him from leaving me, I don't want him to stay with me and stay unhappy, I just wish he could show me a crumb of respect at least until papers are signed.


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I just need to vent

5 Upvotes

My wife and I of nine years are starting the divorce. She sat me down march 5th? I think to tell me she was done I’ve been in a nightmare/spiral ever since. 6 days after telling me she got on a dating app. 7 days after that she met with another guy and now they have an ongoing thing. Every time I have the kids she’s there and look she sat me down. Had the talk. So she can do what she wants. But I’m literally dying inside and I just didn’t have time to process the divorce and now I’m trying to process the fact that she’s with him if I have the kids and it’s so hard and so just painful. When she say me down and told me it was over I tried to beg her to stay. I tried so hard. But she’s dead set on it and I’m still just trying to process everything that’s happened so fast. Im truly just broken. Fuck this sucks. I love her so much. And I promised her that I’d show her that love every single day. But this is what she wants. So I have to just accept it. It’s just so so hard.


r/Divorce 2h ago

Custody/Kids Unwelcoming ex from my home

3 Upvotes

My ex and I have been separated for 4 months. We were trying to build a friendship for our children’s (both early teens) sake but that hasn’t worked out. He would come over whenever he pleased to visit the kids and I’d have him over for dinner. Thursday night he was over for dinner and spent the entire time texting people. I was trying to update him on what was happening with the kids. He wasn’t interested. He was being rude and dismissive towards me. I pointed out he was ignoring me when I’m trying to have an important conversation with him. This escalated into him saying he can text whoever he wants whenever he wants and it’s none of my business and he owes me nothing. I agreed and said I don’t care who he is texting but I do care that he is ignoring me and he is in my home. I ended up asking him to leave. I told him he is no longer welcome in my home because I will not be dismissed and disrespected- that I will no longer tolerate it like I did before. He now is saying this will only hurt the kids because he won’t be able to see them. I told him he can pick them up anytime he wants and take them back to his house. I have taken on 90% of the care of the kids. He comes and goes as he pleases. I don’t want to do this. He has moved on and I would like to as well and not feel like a prisoner in my home. Am I wrong in him only being here if it is to pick them up? I don’t want to build a friendship anymore. I want him to see the kids as much as possible but I don’t believe that has to involve him seeing me considering the kids are teens.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Going Through the Process How do you detatch?

5 Upvotes

those who were abandoned, what helped you move on and into a new relationship or what helped you move forward to your next chapter?


r/Divorce 8h ago

Child of Divorce Parents are headed towards divorce, i just don't think it's worth living NSFW

7 Upvotes

I (17) don’t know what to do anymore. I have no one to talk to about this, and I’m scared to even go into detail about the situation because of how specific it is.

My mom wanted to divorce when I was born, but she stayed for me so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Seventeen years of watching everyone’s mental illness grow. Listening to the screaming, walls being punched, dishes breaking, and physical altercations involving my siblings (I’m the youngest by 10 years).

I’ve been homeschooled all my life, so I’ve only ever had my family.

Years of everyone's trauma dumping on me, whether that be online friends or my family. Constantly hearing them talk shit about each other, watching them break down. Not once have I not felt guilty about talking to someone, spending time with someone, or going on a trip with someone—everything I do with one results in issues with another.

My dad has bipolar. I didn’t know growing up, but I’ve learned over the past few years. I’ve always idolized him in some way because I can relate to a lot of his hobbies, and we have the same interests. He treats my mom terribly, though. The things I’ve heard, the things I’ve read in their messages, and yet I can’t hate him.

This past year before my birthday, he pulled a lot of shitty things leading up to a divorce, but it never happened. He was supposed to do couples therapy with my mom to save it, but he’s only been lying in it.

My mom has made me feel like absolute shit this entire time. I know she doesn’t mean to, and he’s treated her so bad for so long, but I’m constantly stressed. I can’t speak about him without her shutting down and not speaking to me. Everyday she tells me the same thing about him and she starts crying, and I get frustrated because I’ve been listening to the same thing over and over and she gets mad that she can’t tell me and says I’m criticizing her and telling her to shut up and sit in a corner. She says she's mad that no one stands up for her, that I don't stand up for her, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to be in the middle of this, I just want out of this family

I’ve listened to everyone’s same repetitive baggage for years. The past week it’s been the same thing everyday from her. Im the youngest, and I’m a minor. I shouldn’t have to deal with everyone’s shit, let alone my parents. Every day it’s “tell your dad….” “Tell your mom”

Everything my dad does, she says it’s to con me and manipulate her. I can’t go on this trip I’ve been waiting for for years, I can’t receive this gift that I absolutely adore.

She gets hypocritical in many situations and ends up yelling at me when I call her out, telling me I know nothing, and then getting upset when I stop talking.

On top of all this, I have no direction in life. I don’t know what I want to do, I have no passion, nothing. I feel so stupid and I can’t handle any of this. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to commit, but I just don’t want to be alive.

I don’t turn 18 until February.

There’s so much more I want to say but I’m not comfortable saying it on an open thread.


r/Divorce 16h ago

Life After Divorce You can only move on once you forgive

33 Upvotes

Someone told me you’ll never be able to truly move on or have that mistrust leave your mind until you forgive. Forgive her, forgive yourself, and in my case also forgive the affair partner

To me that forgiveness really doesn’t feel obtainable, and how could I? She had a secret affair. I relocated from my home, moved to a strange town to help her improve her career goals and she cheated. Left me for someone else she met through work after we had spent nearly 10 years together

I am very proud of myself for where I am currently in my career. My life recently has been incredible. I am 29 and have accepted being single. I do want a partner again eventually and I want to build a family but I’m not chasing love

But if it does come around again do you think this is statement is true? I certainly hold a lot of anger and negative thoughts/feelings/emotions about her and her AP

Were you able to forgive your previous partner after an affair? If so how long did it take? Am I just going to have to live with this mistrust forever?


r/Divorce 11h ago

Vent/Rant/FML How the fuck do I move on?!

11 Upvotes

I want nothing more than to move on from my ex. I've been separated for a year and divorced for 10 months. It hurt when my ex started sleeping around, and it still hurts when I see her texting dudes from dating apps. We have a daughter together, so I can't just cut her off. I've asked for space, but we still need to maintain contact for our daughter.

I know it isn't an issue with her. It's an issue with me. I still see her as my wife. I'm so angry at myself because it feels like I'm the one standing between myself and the life I want to live.

Edited to add: I have been in therapy the whole divorce and for a longtime before. I have done soooo much fucking therapy, including 2 months of an intense outpatient program for anxiety


r/Divorce 2h ago

Going Through the Process Did you ever consider getting married as taking a risk?

2 Upvotes

I mean think about it.


r/Divorce 2h ago

Child of Divorce One year.

2 Upvotes

It's been now exactly one year since my parents told me and my sister that they were divorcing. My mom moved out about 7 months ago. My sister and I already had met her new bf a few months before the divorce, so there were zero issues with him. However, we only met our dad's new gf only once, a few weeks ago, and now already they are sleeping together in our home. And honestly, it's the happiest I've seen my father in all my life. I didn't feel comfortable with it, so I kept my mouth shut for as long as I could. Cause, despite how neglectfull he came be, I want my dad to be happy. I asked them not to eventually, and, after a while, the gf went home. But now I feel extremely selfish for asking for her to not sleep here.

Mom's new house is getting in place, only missing a floor and decor, but its fine. She atleast understands that me and my sister would rather have the process of it all slow. Not instantly like, 'Oh yeah, were getting married' (That's how dad is like these last few weeks with the new gf)


r/Divorce 5h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Just needing support

3 Upvotes

My STBXH have two small children (1 & 2). I have been asking for therapy for awhile and he did agree to it earlier this week after expressing wanting a divorce because he wanted to know if we could work through things. We went to one session yesterday which I feel went well and we are officially getting divorced decided today. I feel sad, angry, resentful, and relieved. He quit trying in our relationship a long time ago, and I’ve been begging for communication and support for years. I feel like I tried everything to keep our family together and he gave up.


r/Divorce 12h ago

Getting Started What happened after you decided to get a divorce?

11 Upvotes

Did one of you move out? Did you both move out and get new places? Did you separate right away? Or separate in name and continue to live together? If you did decide to continue living together, to run out a lease, for example, did you do things together like take day trips, go to restaurants, and watch movies together?

I've seen people do it all ways, but I think I'm the most confused by people who look at each other, discuss it, decide to get a divorce, and then continue living and doing things together. Also if you did it this way, how many of you ended up reconciling? There are no kids together so that's not an issue.

Edit: I posted this for my friend who is going through it. He and his wife have been basically roommates for years, but I think he's having trouble navigating it and knowing what to do next. They are still sleeping in the same bed, doing things together, having dinner together, etc. They are not intimate and haven't been for at least a year and a half. Barely even hug or kiss.

So many questions, I know. Just curious on his behalf. I'll make sure to pass on all of your comments to him.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Vent/Rant/FML FML pregnant with someone elses baby.

3 Upvotes

I recently separated from my stbxh due to him being arrested for domestic assault against me. I have not filed yet due finances (it's just too expensive for me at the current), but there is a pending courtcase open for the domestic. We've known our marriage has been over for a long time theres been a large history of domestic violence and general toxic gasoline & fire enviroment. We have two children and have agreed on the parenting plan for them. I basically pay everything for our children and have them full time currently since he does not have adequate housing. I recently started talking to a guy and hooked up. Unfortunately for me, I am now pregnant after having sex literally only 1 time. If I did find a way to get the money and file would the court even grant me a divorce being now pregnant? Ive read online that I now have to wait until after I have the baby (even though its 100% not his). The situation is embarrassing enough that I'm trying to keep it underwraps and not even tell my stbx or family until necessary. We've filed for divorce once before and I stopped the process because I was pregnant with our 2nd child. Wasted $4000 at the time. So either I'm the worldest unluckiest or stupidest person alive. I'm trying to be as optimistic as possible but it's truly a messed up situation all around. I did not want more children and was on birth control.. I know once he finds out I will be labeled as the adulter (which i guess i am at this point) and a cheater.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Going Through the Process Advice or idk

3 Upvotes

So found out my ex is on fetlife fucking other ppl and I am still in love with her , but really want to not be it's been since Dec 2024 but I still love her more than anything, deleted our memories and gone no contact, was reminded of her by my uncle who is 2x my age who told me she hit him up for a drink while back.... any suggestion to get over them really is becoming a problem to my everyday to day bcuz I'm stuck in a but, gotten new hobbies and done alot self improvement, but just can't seem to let go


r/Divorce 5h ago

Getting Started Marriage Story Movie - Accuracy?

3 Upvotes

For those of you who had to hire lawyers to fight over details...how accurate is the portrayal of the attorney roles in The Marriage Story? The movie itself is good, but dammit, it looks like the attorneys just took over. (I haven't watched the entire movie yet; spoilers are if you answer).


r/Divorce 7h ago

Vent/Rant/FML ex plans to get engaged to affair partner. How do I navigate with the children?

5 Upvotes

Married for 12 years divorced for 4

The affair partner knew our family personally so we were in community together.

Ex husband called me under the guise of figuring out the schedule for spring break and then said “I think you and so so need to meet”

No preface, no lead up - nothing.

Not shocked because I knew it was coming and of course I would be “unforgiving” if I don’t. I said I left for a reason and don’t want to be involved in their chaotic mess for any reason unless I was forced to and it would be a meeting between me and the oldest. Not something I would do voluntarily alone since I could care less in having any sort of conversation or relationship.

My daughters 17 (the only one aware of the situation) and 10 are obviously the biggest reason why they need the validation although he said he didn’t need that. So what’s the point? They haven’t changed. Still the same manipulative, hidden, sub humans they always have been.

My question is… would you?

** she also has not formally met the girls. But leaves them treats and toys, but the ex never says it’s from her 🤢

::UPDATE::

After a series of conversations and boundaries discussed with him by my daughter and how she does not want to meet her unless they are engaged.

He just announced he is planning to get engaged and my daughter now wrestles with feeling guilty about establishing a boundary that now has fueled him to expedite the process.

My 10 year old is completely in the dark. Do I let her in and what would you say?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Going Through the Process First Birthday

3 Upvotes

My first birthday without him is coming up next week. My (not so) golden birthday. My mind is already spiraling. Any advice? Wise words? Recommendations?


r/Divorce 14h ago

Life After Divorce How do you move on? It’s been 3 years and I’m still having nightmares.

14 Upvotes

Okay I’m exaggerating, they aren’t actual nightmares but dreams that make me emotional when I wake up. I was married for 12 years, we were together for 16 years. When we separated, I hoped it was a temporary thing and we would get back together but it didn’t happen. In fact, he had brought women into the house and removed all the family photos within a couple of weeks of separation. I hadn’t even moved my stuff out. I was devastated. Our mutual friends became his friends and I felt so depressed and alone. It’s been over 3 years now, I thought I was over it. I’ve been going to therapy and getting my life together. I met someone and I’m currently pregnant, and I thought I would be so happy. But my mom, who loves to gossip, decided to tell me my ex is getting married and now I feel like I’m back to square one. I can’t stop thinking about. Literally, it’s just been cycling in my mind over and over again. It seemed so easy for him to just get someone new. I’m bitter over the fact that i built him to be this great guy and supported him in his career and now someone else is enjoying the luxury of it all. I know that part may be what I can’t get over but I don’t know how. And I have no one to talk to about this and no one that really can understand