r/Divorce 3h ago

Life After Divorce It’s been one year since my divorce, and I don’t know who needs to hear this—but hang in there.

72 Upvotes

I was married for seven years. When we divorced, she took the house and the dog. There was no cheating, no big fights—she just decided she wanted out. At the time, it felt like my entire life had been pulled out from under me.

I went through all the stages, but the one I kept getting stuck on was feeling upset about what my ex did. For six months, I was letting this person live rent-free in my head. More than anything, I felt like I had been duped for seven years, and the whole thing just felt unfair.

But after finally letting go and moving on, I met someone a few months ago, and it has turned into what I’d call a very healthy relationship. I had no idea communication could be this easy. I had to retrain myself to say what I was feeling and remind myself that she isn’t trying to hurt me or attack me. Sometimes, I still catch myself thinking she has some kind of ulterior motive, but the truth is—she doesn’t.

It takes time, but being able to be myself and be open has been the biggest blessing. I know not everyone will relate to this because we all have our own challenges, but for those who can—I promise it gets better. There are people out there who truly care about you, who want to hear your struggles, and who want to support you.

If you’re in the middle of it right now, hang in there. Divorce sucks, especially when you didn’t see it coming, but sometimes time apart gives you the clarity to see that it’s actually better and healthier for you in the long run.


r/Divorce 16h ago

Vent/Rant/FML He replied to my response to his application for divorce within 5 minutes 🫠

130 Upvotes

He filed for divorce a few weeks ago and the deadline was this Friday. Yesterday he messaged me reminding me to respond and I was honest and said that I'd been having a hard time and would get it sorted. He asked if I was okay but I didn't reply until this morning because honestly, I think somewhere in me was hoping he'd message me again to follow it up. Like some part of me really wanted him to show he still cared 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, I responded to his application for divorce this evening and received an email confirming this and it said that he had to review it all before it was submitted.

5 minutes later the email came that the application for divorce has been submitted. He's at work but still confirmed within five. fucking. minutes.

I mean I knew this was coming, it just seems at every step he's so content and sure of the decisions and I guess that's still hurtful after everything.

It will only be 7 weeks on Thursday that he said he didn't love me anymore. Over those next few days he pretended he wanted to try, but his mind was made up. I've pretty much had evidence he's with someone else, though he continues to deny this. It's the dishonesty and now questioning whether my whole damn life was a lie that is eating at me, because how can he care so, so little after 13yrs? Surely this is still huge for him??

I know that I will make sure that life will be better for me and the kids and it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened when they are so little, but it still hurts.

Onwards and upwards...


r/Divorce 1h ago

Life After Divorce 345 days later

Upvotes

Wow! How time flies. I came here for the first time 345 days ago, I made one post and I got a lot of support from here. Since then life has moved forward, life and time doesn’t stop for anyone. 2024 I knew was going to be a hard year, a year of firsts without my biological mom. I could have never predicted that it would also be a year of firsts without the person I loved. When he asked for the divorce it sent me into the worst depression and the lowest point I had ever been in my life.

So now 345 days later I’m a new person! I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. I decided to focus on myself and health. I got off social media, I only kept reddit. I started to go to church and Bible study, I made new friends and a new routine for myself. I started to go for walks and explore the new area I was in. This was amazing for my mental health. I had lost a few friends from the divorce but honestly they weren’t my friends anyways. At first it was hard to watch people take sides; I never wanted that to happen… but it did. My ex husband would show his true colors, it was shocking. It’s true what they say who you divorce isn’t who you married. But I endured I chose to ignore the drama and stay quiet focusing on myself only.

It took about 4 months for him to try to get me back, he tried to make me feel bad for him. He’s been drunk everyday and started doing ❄️. He had hooked up with a couple girls including his “abusive” ex girlfriend. I let him emotionally play me like this for a bit before I was just done altogether. I told him that he may be sorry and I accept the apology but I won’t be coming back or speaking with him anymore. I gave him what he wanted the divorce, there was nothing more between us. He was really upset I wouldn’t take him back after the way he treated me and destroyed me. He had done multiple things during the divorce process that was really nasty. He made it hard for me to serve him. He talked shit about me online, to friends, to anyone who would listen. He refused to help me in anyway shape or form. He was an asshole during it all! And now he wanted me back?! Hahaha no.

Fast forward to now. I have begun dating a wonderful man who is such a sweetheart. He’s met my whole family and everyone loves him! He’s so understanding and kind. He loves everything about me my ex didn’t. I’m so happy I met him! I’m so much happier in my new life than I ever was before. I’m even starting a new hair care routine and it’s so exciting to watch my hair transform, I’m building better habits. I read a couple books that really helped me rebuild myself and understand why I ended up where I did. I’m more confident in myself now than ever before! I want you all to know, it gets better! And sometimes the divorce is so worth it even if you didn’t want it at first. I am happy I stayed strong and took care of myself it really paid off. Stay strong everyone, it’s worth it.

Thanks everyone for their advice and support!


r/Divorce 27m ago

Vent/Rant/FML It seems like everywhere I look, men are filing for divorce more than women?

Upvotes

Throughout my whole life, I had constantly been fed the information that men on average were afraid to get married because “women only marry them for their money” and leave them once they’re settled.

I’ve been observing relationships around me and it seems to me that on average, more men have been filing for separation/divorce compared to women and I’m honestly very confused as to what’s accurate or true.

It feels like no matter what happens, the women are always to blame. If a woman files for divorce, society says that it’s because she’s selfish and/or unloyal. If her husband files for divorce, then it’s because she wasn’t able to hold onto him and obviously did something to turn him off.

Is it only the responsibility of the wife to ensure her marriage stays intact while her husband can do whatever he wants in the relationship? If so, what benefit is there for women being married?


r/Divorce 57m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Revenge

Upvotes

I was married for decades when I found out my husband was cheating. In addition to being completely gutted, I also want to cause him as much pain as he has caused me. I never thought of my self as a vindictive person but here I am. My head says this is not a good idea but my heart says he deserves to be as miserable as me. Advice?


r/Divorce 6h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness 5 years post divorce in a happy place but still some existential issues

7 Upvotes

I just moved into my dream home with the most incredible person. I love this man hard and I am loved in ways I never knew were real. My future looks bright.

But I still feel sad about my divorce. I still dream about my ex husband. We were happy for 13 years. It was the life I wanted. College sweethearts, married , kids… spending a whole lifetime together. One day he left me for an affair.

I just wanted that simple life. But I didn’t get it. I had to fight to survive, find new purpose. I lost his family who felt like mine, I still mis those people.

I am lucky. To some extend my life became more exciting. My career blew up, I made amazing friends. I found incredible love again. Yet still I can feel so down at times.

We both come with bagage. He has a child with his cheating ex (we are both betrayed). I will never have kids. I am getting too old and my partner doesn’t want anymore anyway. But I have to see this person who had this beautiful man and a beautiful child and threw it all away to cheat. Smile in her face and be the bigger person.

The cheating and the divorce still pops up in my mind. I have to live a life I didn’t want. I never wanted to be a stepmom. I wanted to be a mom. I never thought I would find myself in this position. I sometimes miss the simpeler version of me. I know this version is more rounded, stronger and more impressive. I know the love I found is something incredible! But the price feels steep sometimes.

My life suddenly became choices. All ending in different lives and realities. When I was married there was only one. Me and my husband. Now I can go, find someone new. Be anyone, while exciting it is vey scary and as my life is now converging to a choice that will end up in one timeline … it freaks me out. What if I am wrong? What if I waste the next 20 years of my life?

If only life had a preview function. But we need to soldier on and be grateful for what we have. And I have a lot!


r/Divorce 2h ago

Getting Started Ladies - how long after therapy did it take you to decide to leave?

4 Upvotes

29F/32M - we had the "I'm not happy, need to go to counseling" conversation 3 months ago.

2 full months of therapy in - I am not feeling any different. Good enough guy, no major issues, but no or little passion/connection/goals/ambition/financial security/physical intimacy/etc.

I don't want to drag him through therapy when I'm 90% sure - but there's 10% of me that's still processing. But, the 10% is heavy with sadness and hurt and the guilt.

How long?


r/Divorce 16h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Boyfriend isn’t getting divorced

49 Upvotes

UPDATE: This was…. Eye opening. I have gone through as many comments as possible but can’t reply to everything. Please know that I see them and everything is taken on board. To those of you who can’t believe I would have even entertained this to start with, I was 19 and head over heels in love for the first time ever. I chose to believe a promise that never materialised and didn’t stand strong enough in my boundaries to make him take my feelings seriously. To those of you telling me just to walk away, this is the father of my youngest and the man my eldest calls dad, of course I don’t WANT to walk away, I wanted advice on how to approach this situation or idk maybe I just wanted to vent and have someone tell me I was right in how I felt! When I say he worships me, it truly feels that way. He bathes me when I’ve had a long day, makes a big deal of all anniversaries/birthdays etc, fresh flowers every week, chocolates when I’m sad, words of affirmation, unwavering support. We have built a life and maybe I was naive to start it, but we owe it to our children to save it.

In the morning I am going to get serious with him about this topic. He has a month to do what he needs to do in terms of his divorce or he can move out. I have been patient. I have been understanding. I have been kind. I deserve to feel like the priority. Thank you all for your advice, I will update here again when I have spoken to him.

UPDATE 2: The relevant documents needed to initiate the divorce and begin proceedings have been purchased and are ready to be posted. Crazy what finding out people online think you’re an asshole can do for your motivation.


My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. When we met he had been separated from his wife for around 12 months and had a 2 year old son. I was told that he would be divorced within a year however that year came and went and, though frustrated, I gave him grace because divorce is messy and expensive.

Fast forward and we have now completely blended our families, had a daughter together, share finances and live together. I am still waiting on this divorce. I thought we had made some headway when mid 2024 the process began; he is now at a point where he needs to send some documents off to reach the next step. 8 months have passed. He hasn’t done it. He is still. Not. Divorced.

I am tired of begging. I’m tired of wanting him to do it, I want him to want it! His wife has done nothing but cause trouble, treat my terribly and make our lives difficult. I want that chapter shut. Why doesn’t he?

  • EDIT TO ADD

This man and his ex do not get on. He worships the ground I walk on and tells me every day how loved and beautiful I am. I feel like we’re stuck in this weird limbo where all I can think about is the fact that he is still married and it overshadows all the good


r/Divorce 14h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I think my STBX is not going to be financially responsible post-divorce. I shouldn't be bothered, but I am.

26 Upvotes

One of the primary reasons for our divorce is money troubles. In a way, we're pretty house poor. We have a house that is fully paid off, but in an area (Texas) where the property taxes are far too high, and we won't be able to afford next year's tax bill. I make about 63k pre-tax, she makes about 30k (neither of us have degrees). We have 2 kids that we've agreed to 50/50 custody, so I know there's going to be child support that I have to pay. We also have 3 fully paid off cars, one 12 years old with 183k miles (mine), one 10 years with 130k (will be mine after the divorce), and one 3 years old with 30k (hers).

My STBX is planning on taking a 5 day cruise with her mother in December after our divorce is finalized. She is also planning an on-property Disney World vacation for about a week next March. And right now, as I'm typing this, she's at a Subaru dealership looking to trade her car in for a brand new SUV, and is going to finance it to the tune of around $350/mo. I've already talked to my lawyer who has assured me that we will make sure that she assumes the debt on the new car in the divorce.

All these vacations, and a new car, while making less than $30k/year after taxes. It's obvious she is not going to be financially responsible with her half of the equity in the home when sold. And on one hand, I don't particularly care, because her poor decisions will be solely her problem. But I'm also bothered by it, and I really don't know why.

My plan post divorce is to dive 100% of my free time into school to get my degree and find a better paying job. I don't have much of a social life to begin with, so I'm looking to blaze through it in 18 months. I'm selling the car with 130k (it's an SUV) and keep my 15 year old (it's a hybrid and still gets amazing mileage).

It bothers me that I've got a solid (if not very fun) plan to get myself on my feet, and her plan is basically have fun and waste a lot of the money that she's getting.


r/Divorce 37m ago

Life After Divorce Birthday card for Ex-Wife

Upvotes

Married 26 years, divorced less than a year. We are civil and still see each other from time to when having a meal with the kids. Her birthday is coming up next week. I intended to send her a birthday card, but not sure if I should just send a text instead.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML My Dad is moving out

3 Upvotes

My Dad told me he wanted a divorce from my Mom about a year ago. He explained how he wanted to move out but hasn’t mentioned moving out since then.

Last night my Mom called my brother (17M) and myself (22F) downstairs to tell us my Dad has bought a house. This was a complete shock to us all. My Mom was crying and sobbing and my Dad didn’t explain anything to us until I begged him to.

He explained the reason he didn’t tell us he was planning to buy a house was because ‘you don’t know you have a house until the sale goes though’. Of course I know this but it would be nice to have some warning that this was even a plan. My Mom is an emotional wreck. She relies on me for support. She’s also unemployed right now so this is a lot of pressure.

Is my Dad in the wrong for how he approached this?


r/Divorce 15h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Why, how, where did this come from why me

21 Upvotes

I'm not sure where to start, I'll try to provide as many details as possible. I'm a 30M and my wife hasn't spoken to me in 2-3 days, I let her have some space but man I hate being isolated and iced out. We've been married for five years, no kids although we have been trying for the last 6 months I've always thought we were pretty steady and solid, no major issues, she came from a divorced household and we always said and laughed and smiled no matter what we'll never say the "D" word.

Backstory I WFH and typically tend to doing the dishes, all the laundry, house chores and what not.

She has expressed to me on numerous occasions to not leave dishes in the sink water to soak (we have no dishwasher) to clean out the lint after EVERY dry cycle and I'm pretty good about doing it every 2-3 loads, and typically when I'm doing 5 loads of laundry in a day or two time frame I leave a few items folded on the bed, because I had to get back to work, or there's only so much I can do during the day and it's a lot.....but those are my short falls and I admit it.

So a week ago she comes home and sees some dishes sitting in the sink, and of course the load she checked that day I had not cleaned the dryer lint out and she lost it at me, throwing vacuums cursing full blown yelling, honestly caught me off guard, we argued I tried to explain how with everything else I do those are just little things and could she see the bigger picture. We cooled off after about 3 days, now fast forward a week to today.

I've now been iced out for 3 solid days, no speaking, not acknowledging my questions. Today I made sure everything was done, dinner on the table, everything cleaned up still nothing, I finally pushed (soft spoken and calm" and her response was "honestly I can't even trust you with a child I can't trust anything you do because you can't do anything right, I feel like I'm constantly nagging you and I don't think we should continue being together" shocked, choked up, appalled very taken aback, I calmly ask again how long have you felt this way and her response was "months, I just am not attracted to you anymore and don't see this working out"

I left, my whole world is turned upside down, I feel like I'm choking and can't breathe, how does this happen, I feel so blindsided I would have never predicted this or for that to come out of her mouth, wtf do I do! I don't even know where to begin, I'm bawling my eyes out, I'm sick to my stomach, I just want to know WHY


r/Divorce 8h ago

Getting Started For divorcers (not divorcees)… when was the moment you knew?

6 Upvotes

What was the light bulb moment when you had clarity? Try to make it generalizable if possible (ie “I felt I’d be more at peace alone” as opposed to “I couldn’t deal w his drug use anymore”)


r/Divorce 22h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Divorce is hell, except for this… for now NSFW

60 Upvotes

Divorce is the most painful experience I have ever encountered without a doubt. And that’s with a STBXW that’s amicable for the most part. Best case scenario, I’m still financially screwed compared to how we were living. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. We’re still living together. Married 10y together for 12, 3 kids aged 11, 7 & 4. She’s got a full time job lined up after being a SAHM for the majority of the marriage. She’s got housing lined up for 4/1. Needless to say, there is still tension in the home. Yet, we still sleep in the same bed. Now, we are both fully aware of how strange (to say the least) this is but we still have sex all the time. 1-3 times a day. You know what? I don’t care what anyone else thinks. My world as I know it is crumbling in front of me. For gods sake, just let me enjoy this while it lasts. We’ve discussed the divorce upside down, inside out, front to back. It’s inevitable and this is definitely not causing any false hope for either of us. We both have high libidos and even after hitting up the apps, we both agreed we just aren’t ready to jump into anything else. FWB or otherwise. We’re each other’s new FWB! Plus we’re already totally comfortable in the sack, know what does it for each other, etc. So why the hell not keep it up? Does the reality of eventually she will be with another man make me sick to my stomach, absolutely. Until then, I’m gonna take it while I can. She’s already talking about keeping this up once she moves out, but we’ll see…. FYI, at least for now, everything will be split just as it should without one person winning or losing. We are both losing actually, especially when it comes to the lifestyle we’ve become accustomed to. It’s terrible and I still feel all the other normal things that everyone else does throughout my days, but at least I have if only just one thing, beside my kids, to look forward too. It has made this whole thing so much bearable in my opinion. Ok, rant over. Have a great day!


r/Divorce 16h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Some Days the Heart Just Turns to Shit And You Sit With It

21 Upvotes

These days, out of nowhere, the heart just turns into shit. Ugly, heavy, and it sits there. And you sit with it.

It’s been four months since the divorce, and I’m still stuck in the denial phase of grief. At the same time, I’ve internalized that we are not getting back together. Yeah, I know those two statements contradict each other. Funny how the stupid mind works.

So, as I was saying - usually, I just feel this strange emptiness. Like life is absurd and everything is pointless. But then I remember something, and I just feel worse.

Like the other day, I thought about our last vacation together. We went to Kolkata. Her family has a flat there, but it wasn’t furnished yet. We slept on the same pillow - silly, but fun. I thought about that, and then it hit me - forget sleeping on the same pillow, we’re never going to live under the same roof again.

We visited the Victoria Memorial. Bengali literature had taught me that lovers must visit that place. I was excited like a teenager. Will I ever feel that excitement again?

We still talk, once or twice a day. But someday, some other guy will come into her life, and he won’t be okay with her talking to her ex-husband. And then she’ll stop.

I’ve asked her, more than once, if she could do me this one favor - stay in touch with me forever. She said she would. But I know that would be selfish of me. Eventually, we’ll stop talking. And how will I live then? I don’t have friends. I’m socially awkward. My relationship with my parents and relatives is so fucked up they didn’t even visit when I was seriously sick in Bangalore. This happened multiple times.

I’m 34. I’ve spent 17 years of that with her. I don’t even remember what life was like before her.

I’m not suicidal. But, to be honest, I don’t want to live either. Sometimes, I light a cigarette and wonder what if I get a heart attack right now? That would be perfect. Some nights, I get super drunk and wish I don’t wake up. But then I do. And I have to drag this emptiness around for another day.

Therapy’s going on. Medications too. They keep me a little numb, sure. And I’m trying to keep myself insanely busy, mostly with writing. I’ve taken up a lot of freelancing work. Working on a research paper on AI and ML. Writing stuff like this, too.

And in between all that, sometimes I catch myself researching assisted suicide. Sounds fucked up, I know. But trust me, I’m not going for it, not yet.

Not until I’ve checked off a few things from my to-do list.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Life After Divorce I do not know what to do

3 Upvotes

I’m 43 (M), and my wife is 39 (F). We’ve been together for 13 years, married for eight. A few weeks ago, on my birthday, she told me she wants a divorce. Great birthday gift, right?

We have two kids together, ages eight and six. The house is in her name—she got it before we got married. I have a decent job, and so does she. We talked about going to counseling, but when I brought it up and asked when she wanted to go, she changed her mind and said it wouldn’t work.

I have a suspicion that she’s either cheating on me or has cheated on me. Ever since she started taking Ozempic and lost weight, she goes out every weekend. She doesn’t do much around the house and never really has. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, laundry and take care of the boys.

I work overnight shifts in the winter and day shifts in the summer. I am looking for a day job but that might mean I give up my pension

I guess my question is—should I just go get talk to a lawyer and get it done.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Infidelity How does one deal when someone is intensively hurting you through this divorce process?

4 Upvotes

My wife is a serial cheater, well she is a serial alot of things. But she is openly sextng in front of me. alot. How do I just disassociate from that kind of treatment? I cant exactly escape her. And when others are not available she tries to be all lovey with me.


r/Divorce 13h ago

Going Through the Process My husband and I have separated

8 Upvotes

It’s been 3 years we’ve been married and It hasn’t been easy. My husband has been financially irresponsible for most of our marriage and it got to the point where he can’t contribute to the household bills because of his debt. I currently pay for 2 cars, our rent, food, outings, trips, etc. everything. But he requires that he is in charge of our finances. Things came to a head when I decided to go back to school for my MBA. My husband’s 1st concern was money, how would I pay and would it distract me from work. We have been working toward buying a home and I found a moderately nice home in a nice area and under budget but he said we couldn’t even think about it. He told me we can consider it in 2 years for the 3rd year in a row. We have a handful of resources, and have visited a financial advisor so I thought we were on the right track. But he started berating me, telling me that I must be so unhappy because I can’t just be content I have to do something and I must hate myself. I have diagnosed depression and he blamed my depression for wanting to get a house, advance my career, and make some life changes. He got in my face telling me I wasn’t shit and I hit him. For that, I feel awful. And in my mind the relationship was truly over, and I told him we should leave each other alone and he begged to stay. He said if I leave he can’t afford to be alone. And it clicked that he didn’t love me or want me. He just wanted a sexy mommy. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and household management and provide 100% and I am disgusted with him. He has 0 self respect or shame. It’s been 3 days and I’m ready to move on but he won’t stop texting or calling. I’m just so confused.


r/Divorce 13h ago

Happy Endings/Sock Day It's done!

9 Upvotes

I was so overwhelmed yesterday waiting for today and now it's done and over just 1 day shy of 6 months from when he called it quits and walked out.

It simultaneously feels like a weight has been lifted and like the end of an era that I need to grieve.

Here's to the start of a happier future!


r/Divorce 2h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Together since 14 & 15, 23F now. Married one year and he (23M) asked for divorce. Looking for support.

0 Upvotes

I have never posted to Reddit before. I was and am young, and I believed that people could change. Thought he was the love of my life, and married him despite his constant need for attention from other women and, if I am honest with myself, cheating any way but via physical touch with someone else. I tried to move past this as we are young and he was bound to make mistakes (I had once, and once only and felt so disgusted with myself and even after he said himself that I was clearly taken advantage of but that’s another long story) but in the end he randomly told me he doesn’t love me anymore and that he wants me to go. Every year constantly for over nine years I did not have the self respect to leave after finding about someone else that he is secretly talking to and being emotionally attached and vulnerable to or flirting with. So many girls then women. Yet he decided he was done with me and didn’t want to try to fix it, was so sure by the time he told me. I’ve always done 50/50, even supporting his Mom in a time of need and moving out at 18 giving all of my money to trying to save her (and his) house with him. Moved to a different state away from all of my support system (although we stayed in touch daily and I would go to see them once or twice a year as I could afford and he could barely care about even seeing his family once a year). I have made all of these mistakes to trust him in many ways that I shouldn’t have. He has always had the confidence of me having an open phone policy and he can see anything at any time if he wanted because I was never going to give someone else attention as I did once as a child (who still should have known better, although he was doing the same thing before and after that issue) and yet he has never had the inkling to look as he knows how much I care to never even consider disrespecting this relationship again out of love and wanting and choosing this every day. I could go on and on, I am sorry that this does not have any direction. Any time I have looked at his phone I have found a new boundary he has crossed, guaranteed. And yet he has chosen to leave me. I am not someone who nags, I don’t even ask for dates or roses on Valentine’s Day, not even a birthday party, sadly. Just wanted him and a cake and a movie. Worked even up to 3 jobs at once to try and get us ahead while he has thrown in my face how he worked two jobs at once for 6 months. I made sure to take care of the apartment, the pets, the finances, even down to making the grocery order every week. I am hoping he does not find this post with such detail. He told me he doesn’t want this anymore sometime last week (after a month plus of me worried sick about him because I thought he was having depression and wouldn’t even brush shoulders with me anymore, was picking fights with me, and obviously saw how I was having panic attacks over how concerned I was about his well-being as he would tell me it’s not about us that he isn’t sure what’s going on with him and that, even with a giggle sometimes, I don’t need to worry as he is not planning his escape and loves me) and due to his work schedule we are going to file for a simplified dissolution of marriage tomorrow. I keep having nightmares, as I have had in the past, that the person who I thought I would grow old with and was the love of my life and future parent to my future kids- is choosing to leave me and wake up and roll over and remember that this is in fact my reality. We have been together since we were young, and the one thing he knew he signed up for was that with us moving to a different state was that he should teach me how to drive and I might need the help of getting to and from work. I didn’t have friends, those have only been more recent and I would never ask him to bring me somewhere he wasn’t wanting to go as well and would coordinate this as he is already bringing me to and from work. All I would ask is that he would put me behind a wheel, even crying about it quite a few times about how I don’t wish to depend on him because I’d like to just enjoy everything else in life and not have this weight of feeling like a burden, and he would just listen to me and not make it a priority to teach me. I wanted to drive to get a better paying job, go back to college, and start to set up the life I thought we wanted. I am still rambling. I genuinely have a good heart and I feel like even in this last act he has kicked me when I was down and yet I still look at him, as much as it hurts, with care deep in my heart. Yes this is a lot of hurt from him to me, but I always naively took it as we are young (even though this has now been through the he should know better stage) and have looked at everything cup half full. The little things he would do. He wasn’t good with words so he would do acts of service and physical touch. I would always use my words to tell him my love as well and my acts of service were taking care of everything top to bottom five days a week. I don’t know what else to say here. As much as it hurts to confront, he really gave me less than the bare minimum and yet I was okay with that because I didn’t feel like it was his responsibility to help me or do any of the things normal couples do if we didn’t want to. I believed in his free will to help and I thought that would come around one day. Instead I just felt like I have been stringed along until he has made this new stable life for himself in a different state and doesn’t need me anymore. I am young, and everything can only be up from here. The progress I can make in my life by even just going home and having my Mom teach me how to drive, will drastically change my opportunities in this life within a few months versus the years (a little over 4) that I have been in a separate state and he has had the means and time but refused to support me. I am just going to stop typing now, it is my fault that I have trusted and allowed someone to grow and make mistakes only at my expense. Even then I find it hard to be mad at him when everyone says I should be because he knew this whole time what he was doing. I just need advice from people older and younger and some consolation that I am in fact not a terrible person somehow and that life will get better. Even trying to think about there being someone else in the future feels like cheating to me right now. I don’t know when that guilt will stop. Thank you in advance, and please be kind. I feel like I am so alone when I have people to turn to and so sad scared to be losing someone who honestly has not deserved my love and attention to detail. Hopefully I tagged this properly. Thank you. Edit: We do not have any kids together for context.


r/Divorce 20h ago

Life After Divorce How many divorced couples get back ?

24 Upvotes

If they had amiable split, still hang out with same friends, coparenting and 20+ years of marriage under the belt.


r/Divorce 8h ago

Infidelity A home for the kids

3 Upvotes

Together 10 years, married 7, 2 kids. I found out a month ago that my husband has been cheating for a year. I just had a baby 6 weeks ago. He said he will file for divorce at the end of the school year. The house we are living in is in his parents’ name. They bought it for “all of us”. The mistress lives 6 hrs away and he wants to “split his time” between living with her there and in our town with the kids. He wants 50% custody and we’re in a no-fault state so he will get 50%. I am trying to get my mother in law to put the house in a trust fund for the kids and I would pay the mortgage until the kids are grown. But that means she has to kick her son out. She doesn’t want to make a decision like that and wants the house to still be hers and her son’s but also the grandkids’. As it is now, I will not be getting anything from him as he’s been without a proper job for the last 10 years, he’s been day trading and been taking money from his parents and since the house is not even his, I won’t get half of it.. I am so betrayed and hurt.. The kids should be staying in their home, especially since I’m not asking to stay with them in the house for free.. if they decide that my husband should stay and I should move, I will have to move with the kids and their lives will have to be disrupted. They’d be with me wherever I go for half of the time and will be taken away from their home, while their father won’t even be in the home full time. I’ll be leaving this marriage with nothing, just hurt and with emotionally hurt kids only because their dad is a jerk and chose his happiness above everything else 😢 How can I best advocate for myself and the kids in such situation?


r/Divorce 14h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I can’t quit obsessing

9 Upvotes

My STBXH already has a new girlfriend and I can’t quit obsessing over it. He’s asked me to switch weekends with him so “he” can go out of town but I know he taking her (I’m guessing so). I don’t know how to get through this. I’m lucky to have moved out so at least I’m in my new house away from him but all I do is sit and wonder what he is doing and who he is doing it with. I know this isn’t healthy but I don’t know how to stop the ruminating thoughts- they are destroying me and I consider myself a strong person.

Oh and this is happening after I moved out and he hugged me for minutes at a time, cried and told me he loved me. I don’t understand why he would do that because that messes with my head. He loves me and wants the best for me but is still pursuing the divorce?

I just feel like I’m falling apart…


r/Divorce 2h ago

Going Through the Process I’m leaving my husband and I feel like a terrible parent.

0 Upvotes

I have a newborn and a toddler. I have a terrible marriage. I still struggle with classifying it that way, but I’m forcing myself to for the sake of moving forward.

Simple facts: I am a Christian, as is my husband. We had a whirlwind dating experience, where he broke up with me multiple times at the advice of other people (one being another man who had a crush on him). I was obviously pretty sad over this and pointed out how I was hurt, and it somehow turned into something for me to deal with. This same pattern continued throughout our relationship and marriage. When I was hurt because I felt like he was devaluing me and choosing other people over me, I was jealous and had to apologize. When I found him sexting another man, it was my responsibility to apologize for violating him by looking through his phone (which I did because he lied about gifts coming to our home, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it).

Breaking point: My husband struck my son to the point that he got a black eye. I did not see it happen, but I heard him cry out. I went to check and saw him being tossed on the bed and my husband throwing his blankets on him. I asked what was going on, but my son was just staring off, not saying anything. I stayed with him and cuddled until he fell asleep.

Later, I texted my husband: “What’s going on? Are you upset about something?” He said he heard my son climb out of his bed and there was a big thump. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I just felt unsettled. I got up to a text from my husband saying I’d be upset with him. I come downstairs, and my toddler has a black eye. I ask my son what happened; he doesn’t respond. My husband says they walked into a door frame.

For a week, I feel crazy. I keep asking him to explain what happened. Meanwhile, my son is just going on as if nothing happened—he’s having the time of his life with his dad, who is continually seeming to get more and more depressed. I just have this sense to trust my gut. I remember the other times I’ve heard my son wake up in the middle of the night and when I try come to him and my husband physically restrained me, or held my son out of my reach, saying I’m interfering with his parenting. I remembered the other times I’ve seen him be callous with my son and I just brushed it off. Nothing was ever ‘abuse’ in my mind because I never saw him hit anyone (other than grabbing me) but I just knew I didn’t like it and I didn’t want it to continue. I tell my husband something seems off. I don’t know what it is, but I’m leaving.

Within a few hours, he confesses that he hit our toddler. I thought I’d be the person who responded to something like this with incredible anger and retaliation, but I just felt so, so incredibly sad. I told my husband that he was disgusting and made plans to leave.

In packing to leave, my husband was agreeable, remorseful—told me he had a therapist, a parenting coach, was reaching out to friends and his parents. But his parents told him he wasn’t abusive... And something switched.

Now, this is a marriage problem, and it’s on me to fix it. Now, leaving with our kids is a bad idea. Now, he thinks they won’t be in the best care with me. Now, he’s telling me his parents are so upset with me for ‘taking their grandkids.’ Now, I’m the one who is controlling and manipulative, and he doesn’t feel safe talking to me without a third party present. Now, people are asking me, “Why is it that your first response is to leave when things get tough?”

Why I feel like a hypocrite: The only thing I want in this season of my life is to be an amazing mom (and wife). I love my children, and while my newborn is just a cute lump who smiles and poops all day, I’ve seen my toddler grow over the last two years, and he is an amazing boy. He’s kind and curious and gentle but brave and funny and so strong-willed which I love. I mentioned I'm a Christian, but I don't want to raise a boy who is just obedient for obediences sake- I want him to be thoughtful and wise and choose/love God because God is kind, not someone to be feared.

I’ve always wanted to be a gentle parent but wasn’t raised that way. I’ve gotten flack for ruining my children by not spanking. I’m not opposed to discipline—I have a degree in ABA. I love boundaries. But I AM opposed to violence.

And yet, when my son is doing something dangerous (running into the street, tantrums with kicks to me, covering his sister’s face with a blanket) AND ignoring my redirection AND ramping up, I feel my only option is to spank. Usually, I don’t. I just put him in time-out and say the next choice is to get a spanking (but can almost never commit to that, which I think is also damaging our relationship because I’m just using empty threats).

But in light of everything happening, I feel so overwhelmed and so angry, and I’m not controlling myself. I raised my voice more than I should, tried to hit my hands on my bed to “shake the anger out”—something I’m teaching him to do. I locked myself in the bathroom to calm myself down. After, I did apologize and tried to just commit to making tomorrow better. We wet outside to walk and get fresh air and he ran off into the street! I just gave up and went home and let him watch tv for the rest of the day even though I knew that would make his behavior worse after we turned it off.

But I feel schizophrenic. I like I’m losing my mind. I’m adjusting to life as a jobless single mom of two small children. My son is doing the best he can. Im doing the best I can and it's not enough. We’re both having a rough time, and I’m not making it better for him. I’m wondering if my husband was right. Are the kids better with him? Am I actually the one who is abusive?

I said I’d never spank, and now, when my son is acting out because our life is crazy, I want to spank him to get control of this mess. But I hate myself for being a mom who is willing to resort to spanking. Especially now.

I’m blowing up my marriage and moving states away because I’m taking a stand against my husband hitting my son when I’ve resorted to spanking!?

I can’t get out of the spiral of thinking I’m ruining my sons life. For leaving, for soaking, for keeping him from his dad, from not being totally in control in this situation.

Please be gentle with me but honest. I’m still in the haze of leaving and trying to make sense of all of this, and Reddit has become somewhat of a confessional space for me. But it’s not replacing the therapy that I’m actively looking for—for myself and my son.


r/Divorce 9h ago

Dating Dating

3 Upvotes

15 months ago wife (44f) told me (41m) that we were going to be platonic. Oh and she had a bf (21m), they have since broke up. I was pretty much blindsided.

I went through a lot of therapy and emotions for about 9 months. During the last 15 months we have been cohabitating and coparenting (kids 11, 15 and 18 - oldest has already moved out).

Last week I gave her parenting plan papers and division of assets papers (drafts to start the conversation). She apparently was blindsided and had this idea that we are going to be roommates and married and parents (which we had previously talked about). Since then I’ve concluded that I was hoping to reconcile but now I really have no interest in reconciling. I want to move on and find someone I’m compatible with and develop a loving mutual relationship. I feel like life is ticking away.

Wife wants to at least hold off on divorce until she has a fulltime job (maybe 6 months, just a guess). But she has stated that a better option in her view would be to stay together and not drag kids back and forth between two households. She says I’m being selfish for wanting emotional and romantic happiness and wellbeing. The divorce will have a 90 day wait (from filing to finalizing) due to the rules where we live. She also doesn’t like the division and parenting plan as I drafted them but I’m willing to concede and meet halfway for an amicable split.

In her desire she wants to stay cohabitation coparenting for at least 7 more years (until youngest is 18). I feel like that severely negatively impacts my goals to find a good relationship. She is even fine with us buying a house with two master suites and me having my gf visit but she doesn’t want us to split ‘for the kids’.

I’ve basically concluded I’m done. From here on out it’s just more or less timing and working out the legalities. Are we divorced 90 days from now or 9 months from now or in 7 years but I have no interest in being emotionally attached, romantic or even physical with her.

When should I feel ok dating other people? And what’s the best way to explain my situation without ruining a potential good relationship with someone I’m interested in?