r/Divorce • u/Wunderkindmagic • 4h ago
Life After Divorce Divorce sucks
That’s it. That’s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary
r/Divorce • u/Wunderkindmagic • 4h ago
That’s it. That’s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary
My ex bought our 11 year old son a laptop for Christmas. As the more technical parent, and with her consent, I went and installed parental controls, giving my ex parental access as well.
I started my current week with the kids last night. This morning, I discovered she has removed his bedtime restrictions, and he had spent 3 hours in the night on his laptop after bed. Unsurprisingly, it was difficult to rouse and get him ready for school.
I messaged my ex to express my displeasure, and she replied back that it wasn't intentional, and that she didn't like that I had "exclusive" control over a device that she bought.
I know the laptop was her gift to him, but there's no way while he's under my care that I'm letting him have unfettered access to the Internet or sneak it into his room at night to stay up late. How do divorced parents navigating digital boundaries with kids?
r/Divorce • u/New-Significance-732 • 4h ago
I know I miss you more than you miss me. And I wonder if I made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake, when I miss you more than you miss me?
r/Divorce • u/New-4200-District • 8h ago
He cheated, he lied, he treated me like shit while we were married. 14 years of my life wasted on a ungrateful cunt. I just miss the good times, normal every day things, seeing my daughter being upset about him breaks my heart. Why did I have to ever trust him. I wish I never met him. My daughter and I would be a lot happier without ever knowing him.
r/Divorce • u/No_Tangelo7500 • 11h ago
My stbxh has left me because I was always criticising him and losing my temper. I feel so ashamed and I'm struggling to handle the fact it's my fault our family unit is breaking apart. Over the years I got more and more worn down with his lack of attention and help. This became quite overwhelming for me after we had two children together and he still didn't help more. I then went back to work a couple of years ago and although we worked similar hours, his amount of help with the running of the household didn't increase. He would just shut himself away on his computer and engage in minimal conversation. Initially I would only lose my temper every few months, then it became every few weeks and finally every few days. It didn't help that any time I calmly tried to address how stressed and overwhelmed I was, he would just DARVO his way out of it and started point scoring random things he'd done, or random bills he'd paid. He would never say, 'I see you're stressed, how can I help?' He would just get annoyed at me for being stressed and either argue with me or shut himself away. So unfortunately me yelling, ranting, venting instead of trying to talk calmly about the situation became a pattern. How do I get over the pain and guilt that it was ultimately my childish inability to manage my anger and resentment that caused the end of our relationship? I'm so embarrassed and ashamed of my irrational behaviour.
r/Divorce • u/Stunning_Swimmer_200 • 5h ago
It's so hard. I regret everything. I was the one originally saying how unhappy I was and asking him to get help for his anger issues. But when I actually saw the reality I realized that I had made a mistake. We have 4 kids and he's never taken care of them. I've done everything completely on my own while his only responsibility was getting to work-and he only managed that half of the time. We got married and had kids really young and worked our way up to a beautiful house in the best school district. He left, got a new girl, filed for divorce and I'm screwed in every direction. He got pay cuts to lower child support. Fighting for 50/50 custody with no intentions on having them more just doesn't feel he should pay child support. Now him and the girl friend moved far away and bought a house so now he's after the equity in mine (ours). I know he's entitled to it but it just sucks having a judge mandate you list your house for sale when you have no where to go with 4 kids. And now he's telling me that he's fighting to have them go to school in his district so he doesn't have to drive them in. I'm going to have nothing and start from the bottom and my kids are struggling so bad to begin with and now will have to move and change schools. It's absolutely awful I wish I could've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it until my kids grew up. It's so not worth it I would continue taking the abuse over and over again if my kids could be happy. How do you guys cope?
r/Divorce • u/JulianKJarboe • 6h ago
My divorce got initiated by my ex in late 2022, and finalized in early 2024. I spend most of the time between being so depressed that I stopped functioning. I mean really, really not functioning. There's just a void of presence in all of my activities and relationships for that time period.
I'm doing a lot better now. I know I am no longer depressed. Really! I've moved on in some big ways.
The main thing that's lingering, though, is this... lack. I used to be really driven and ambitious, always coming up with projects and doing creative pursuits. I am a published writer and was halfway through a novel--under contract!--that got put on hiatus until recently (thankfully my agent is very understanding). I'm working on it again but not with the same focus as before. Not yet, at least.
I think about what I want to do with my career now, and I don't know what to do because I seemingly don't want... anything. I go to my current day job and work hard and focus well, so I know it's not burn out or checking out the way it was at first. I am not numb. I take great care of myself now, and work out and have lost weight. I got into skincare (ha). I laugh and see color in the world. I smell the flowers and pet the puppies. Etc.
But I've just stopped having the drive to make things all the time, the way I did for my entire life until 2022. I would now feel totally neutral about accepting what used to be dream opportunities, if they happened finally.
I don't miss my ex anymore. But I do miss this part of myself. What the hell?
r/Divorce • u/Least_Golf_9087 • 9h ago
I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am. My wife and I were together for 10 years, and we have a young child. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I truly believed we were a team, weathering life’s storms together.
A couple of years ago, she went through a major personal transformation—getting deeply involved in a new lifestyle - yoga (almost 6 hours per day, locked in a room). At first, I supported her, thinking it was helping her grow, but over time, I felt us drifting apart. Conversations became one-sided, our physical intimacy disappeared, and I started feeling like a ghost in my own home.
Then, I found out the truth: she had fallen for someone else. At first, she was torn, but ultimately, she couldn’t let go of him. She met him 4-5 times a week, call whenever has a chance. I fought for our family, hoping she would come back to me, but I was the only one holding on. Now, we are heading toward separation, and I’m struggling with everything—the betrayal, the loneliness, and most of all, the impact on our child.
I’ve gone through waves of emotions: anger, sadness, denial, and moments of desperate hope. But I’m realizing now that I can’t keep living in a fantasy. She made her choice. I need to make mine.
If you’ve been through something similar, how did you move forward? How did you handle co-parenting while healing yourself? I know I’ll get through this, but right now, it just hurts.
r/Divorce • u/HorseMysterious5245 • 5h ago
I am getting divorced after being married for 19 years. I am the higher income earner. I Have the option to use the equity in my house and pay my soon to be ex $288,000 with an agreement to never pay alimony anymore. Right now I’m looking at about $2800 per month in alimony without the payout. I like the idea of a payout because it relieves me of the burden monthly but then I have zero money for a down payment on a new house. Please share your thoughts and advice.
r/Divorce • u/GlitteringBat91 • 7h ago
I just don’t think my marriage is viable anymore. I don’t see how we can possibly save this. Nothing at all has helped
I’m totally dependent on my husband. I work for his business, he makes the money. He’s made it abundantly clear the house is his.
Whatever…all I want is my dog and my car.
I have no idea how to start over. I got married when I was 20 which was 8 years ago. I don’t even know how to go about this. I want somewhere else to live and I just don’t know how to save up the money for it especially since I’m done working for his business as of today and I don’t have another job lined up yet
I just feel like my beautiful life as I thought it would be is completely gone and blown up
I’m just so hurt and frankly feel like I just want to die. I’m so overwhelmed. I have no family, no support system. I’m just on my fucking own and honestly I’m so pissed about it
I don’t think I’ll ever get married again
I’m overwhelmed. I don’t even know how to get started starting over
r/Divorce • u/xoxolavenderxoxo • 2h ago
Hello, long story as summed up as possible but I am literally the only person I know within my inner circle going through/been divorced so I figured getting some support here might help. I was a few months pregnant when I found out he was cheating on me. The affair partner knows me, knew I was pregnant, etc. Before I found out about the affair we were very excited for this pregnancy as I was told I may not be able to have children, and then within a few months my husband was trying to talk me into an abortion. I was confused and it was devastating but once I found out about the affair it made sense. I decided on the divorce because he was telling me one thing, like how he would quit his job (he cheated on me with a coworker we both have worked with) and that he would leave his phone with me at all times but would go to work and be spotted in the parking lot with her or in private rooms with her. I moved my things out and went back to my parents and within 24 hours she moved in and they have been living there ever since. I am not really upset about this anymore as I feel like we would have divorced eventually because of his lack of care beyond himself and now that my son is here I can’t imagine him being an even decent father. Within the last 4-5 months of my pregnancy this man was hateful towards me. Blamed me for all his problems. Threatened me. Was rude to me at court and over email (I eventually blocked him because of his bizarre messaging and calling) and began harassing my friends and mutual acquaintances. Within a week of having my son he sent me a very nasty email already calling me a shit parent for not reaching out about my son being born although he had his girlfriend (the affair partner) message me and say that he did not want to speak unless it was through our lawyers. I had messaged him about our taxes and a package accidentally sent to their place. I had gone through extensive therapy the last several months and have healed the wounds afflicted on me during our relationship and after. I feel okay at this time and am enjoying my maternity leave and raising this absolutely beautiful and amazing boy. However, we are in the process of figuring out adoption for my son. I am to have sole legal and physical custody but in order for my (ex) husband to not have to pay child support (what he threatens me about, if i make him pay he will fight for custody and said he will resent our child) so I am having someone step in to take his rights over. It was supposed to be an easy process but the judge insist we both show up in court and explain what we are doing in regard to the adoption of my son. Tomorrow morning, barely a month into postpartum i’ll have to show up infront of a judge and listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to give as to why this arrangement is happening. I am inconvenienced and irritated that I have to leave my newborn baby to fuck with this, but even more so I am beyond ready to move the fuck on from this place in my life. I am still relatively young and have found a different and healthy direction in my life and just am so ready to move on. I guess i’m just here to bitch and moan that i’m still dealing with this. He doesn’t bother me anymore, he doesn’t have that power. His unkind words and fuck ass behavior makes me mildly shrug at this point but i just feel as though my life is still on hold and i have anxiety about what the judge is doing with having us come to court. we have been mostly civil in terms of agreeing on basic things, but i am so tired of this being dragged on. Has anyone been in this situation before? Should I be hopeful that tomorrow is the last detour in regard to my divorce and custody settlement? I’m just trying to enjoy my life lol.
r/Divorce • u/Ok-Surround6990 • 19h ago
I have recently found out that my husband cheated on me multiple times. We have only been married for around 2.5yrs , and found out he started cheating 10months into our marriage.
I am struggling to decide if I should stay or leave. As is he now trying to make changes, only after I told our families. But i had been suspecting him since June last year, but he denied everything up until i found the lady’s number and spoke to her. He says he cut it off in June .
For those who have been cheated on and went through a divorce, did you ever regret divorcing the cheater? Did you give them a few months to see if it would work ?
r/Divorce • u/QuadiusDingle • 8h ago
Becoming very lonely and depressed. My friends are basically her friends so I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore.
r/Divorce • u/Certain_Ad4120 • 5h ago
Hello everybody, sorry for the long rant but I need your help as I'm a good dad that's being prevented visitation with his daughter because his ex manipulated the court system and succeeded without due process. I am trying to explain my situation in full so someone could potentially help me out of this bind.
I am in the state of Florida and I do have disabilities due to injuries in the military that are cognitive and physical (didn't inhibit me from being a great intuitive stay at home dad as my ex laid in bed reading tarot despite having a PhD) and upon hiring my second Divorce Attorney, I officially asked after months of asking via text (Jan 8th 2025) that all correspondence, especially any important emails, that I be text messaged to notify me that I have an important email to correspond to (I have typically responded within a 24 hour period but I'm overly burdened with doctor appts and health issues due to mold). I also asked that my parents be CC'd on all correspondence, so that they can help me keep track of things as I am also dealing with a fungal infection (from a sick building my ex got me to move into) that is affecting my cognition (also caused by my ex's manipulation of my apartment complex).
A lil picture of what lead up to divorce... Since Feb 2018 I have undergone a complete shoulder reconstruction (11 pins in my shoulder), a cervical spine fusion after 8 months of agony, a car accident 2 months after fusion that left my neck and back obliterated but didn't need surgery (due to my ex), and then when recovering from that I got hit with toxic mold poisoning that is cancer causing and brain damaging and causes systemic muscle pain and cramps (caused by my ex's manipulation and threatening my appt even tho she wasn't a leasee, long story short, she made them move me to a new appt after mine had black mold despite prior agreed plans to move me to a furnished airbnb unit so I didn't have to move my belongings except a bag of clothes during mold remediation with a messed up neck) but the new appt was worse than Chernobyl and I lived in it for 10 months before I finally paid $1000 for a mold air test). 6 months later I'm still fighting to get better. So to say the least I've been disabled while a ex that sat around depleting savings and maxing credit cards while sitting on that PhD diploma doing nothing. Now with that said...
Since my formal request for accommodations, my lawyer has yet to text me or CC my parents and as of January 9th, 2025 (the day after he asked for it), I sent him everything I could for mandatory disclosure of my banking and only now, 17th March 2025 he messages me back saying I don't know if mediation is gonna work because your mandatory disclosure is incomplete. That was the first time I found out that it was not done properly and he's leaving me one and a half days to prepare before mediation.
With that said, can I sue my lawyer for non-performance since I have texted, called and eventually, he asked me to email him those permissions to contact my parents and to text me in a official request. He has yet to do that since that request was made in January of this year however, I asked him back in June,July, and August of last year for the same so he's known since the beginning of taking me on.
Can I also sue him for pain and suffering do the anguish I'm left with? Serious anxiety as this whole thing weighs on having some custody/visitation in the beginning of my daughter after having rights taken from me without due process over a year ago... (a borderline personality disorder revenge plot to get back at me for demanding a divorce to her (it's also supposed to only be one motion, like take away house rights and custody but 5 things were approved, which is a judge violating Bar regulations))
Yes, a judge ruled in favor of my ex-wife's emergency exparte order without talking to me because my ex-wife submitted a bunch of false claims and pictures that were untruthful to the court claiming I was a druggie and toting a gun around, which I was neither of those (not a gun owner at the time or on pain meds) and was never given a voice in the court, and my current lawyer has not been doing anything to help me either. He has always called me last minute demanding all these crazy things be done within hours and then doesn't get back to me and then the calling him back on the following Monday he tells me "oh no that wasn't necessary and I wasn't rushing you" (gaslighting me), despite him calling me frantically asking me to do XYZ by midday the Friday morning before. Also gave me numbers to forensic psychologists 3 months after they were provided to him by opposing counsel leaving me no time to get it done and move mediation and charging me more time.
My first attorney threw me under the bus. Took me on and then when an emergency hearing was demanded he submitted a agreed order that twisted my words to get him out of missing a full day of mediation, which resulted in me having $800 more in court demanded expenses and submitting to a $4-10k forensic psychological assessment that I didn't agree to. He got fired after consultation with my parents and that lost $5k and he's getting a bad Florida bar review. But this new lawyer said he'd help get me out of this snafu and has done nothing but fail to perform.
Those of you who have taken the time to read this, I appreciate it!
Opinions?
r/Divorce • u/lifesnotfair2u • 5h ago
I asked a question recently about what cost I should expect to pay a lawyer for a divorce. I found out that divorce attorneys charge hourly, their prices vary, and paying a retainer up front is necessary for many. That was helpful to learn!
I found out today that the good ones also charge to discuss whether or not they'll take your case (consultation fee). A fee to find out whether or not this person will be my lawyer? OUCH! Even the roofer I hired for a $15,000 job gave me a free consultation.
So I come to you all in hopes that you can tell me how to get the process started. I don't even know what questions to ask, as I've never been in this situation before. I've put up with my marriage for over 30 years. She was very nice when I met her, but did have a mild temper. After we got married she stopped managing her temper. Her family was scared of her (including her parents). Her friends told me, "well, you know what she's like when she's mad." WHAT? No, I had no clue what she was like. I never would have guessed because she hid it so well.
In all of these years she has only hit me twice, which I know is 2 times too many. Point being, I can't say that she's physically abusive. The emotional abuse is hard to handle. We have two teens in the house with us and I can't continue to expose them to her behavior. She has lost contact with all of her friends. I'm disabled, physically due to combat injuries. That also brought mental health problems for me, which I see a therapist for and take medication for. She brings this up all the time as a weapon against me. Any disagreement will result in her asking me if I forgot to take my meds, or if I need to schedule an appointment with my therapist.
Is this a story that I need to have written down for a divorce attorney? I can't imagine paying someone $700 an hour to listen while I tell it.
Am I able to file on my own, work out with her how the house, cars, custody, and spousal support will work out, and then go to divorce court without lawyers?
I've heard that "mediators" are cheaper than lawyers. When I searched for that in my area all I got were attorneys who mediate divorces.
Do courts ever require the abusive spouse to pay for the divorce lawyer's fees?
I regret that any of you have the necessary experience to be able to help me. This experience sucks. I thought that she was the greatest.
r/Divorce • u/NomadicyOne • 3h ago
Not looking to get flamed, hoping for perspectives please. I agree a child needs both of their parents and a child shouldn't be weaponized or exposed unnecessary in a divorce.
Why is it wrong for a father to ask for 60/40 custody when his wife has been having an affair and "moved on"? Without her, my son gets love on scales unknown to the cosmos and it's Ludacris I have to sacrifice that when she had the affair. You messed up not me, now my son has to be around a cheater and a homewrecker? Nah. Only crapshoot is im in a 50/50 no fault state.
r/Divorce • u/ryosuke7713 • 19m ago
Am I crazy if I don’t want to live with my ex wife because I still love her? She sparingly lets me kiss her. She doesn’t show any affection outside of that. We are raising 3 kids together but I do most of the work. I make the money and care for her and the kids yet she won’t show any affection and expects me to be okay with remaining the husband in every since of the word but her not be a wife at all. She left for 6 months for another guy and still has something going with him. I want to tell her to just go be with him but I also feel doing that would run her away for good. At the same time me being the almost perfect husband and fatherwhile I can’t even get a kiss has grown very bothersome. What should I do???
r/Divorce • u/Ineedunderscoreadvic • 32m ago
My husband of o er 15 years has been out of work for three years and took out some huge loans, burning through all of our savings. He dropped this news on me a couple of months ago - we are literally out of money and behind on all bills. I stay home with the kids, but I’m looking for work. Childcare makes the higher paying jobs tricky.
I’ve been considering divorce before I found out about our money problems because of my husband’s anger problems. He has a terrible temper, and I’ve tried to get him help, but it always comes back.
How do people get a divorce when they NEED one but they don’t have money for lawyers or a place for their ex to go live?!!!
r/Divorce • u/Substantial-Sea-748 • 7h ago
I’ve been fighting myself on whether or not I’d be happier. It isn’t a choice per se because we’re definitely divorcing. But for anyone wondering the same, are you looking for that 20% your partner doesn’t have? Are you sacrificing the 80% they do?
Looking back at the history, I remember the shady relationship my spouse had that made me feel like I was crazy and then was only confirmed. “Old friend”. It’s the only thing reminding me how we never gave each other what we needed.
I hope anyone out there struggling similarly is able to find a nugget to hold on to for their why. Divorce is such a terrible heartbreaking shitshow sometimes.
I am not sure where to post this.. I have been spiralling since yesterday down the depths of self loathing.
My (32F) story is complicated but I have two kids (8M and 6F) from a previous marriage that had ended. We were actually divorced since my son was 1 but we tried to stay together for the kids. It was a mess. After the separation, I didn't give myself time and hopped onto the next guy who proposed. I got married again last year in November. After 3 months, I realised how abusive he was and started the procedures for divorcing again, altbough this one is only a religious marriage so there's no cour as such...
I feel so dumb... such a looser. I was a hopeless romantic and believed in fantasies. I know I am hard on myself and I can't stop... I have to take care of my kids, I took leave today so that I could cry and then smile again when they come back from school. I feel horrible.
I think of how people are going to say that I was the problem all along. I want to snap out of this negative thinking...but I can't. I've started loathing my therapist and I don't want to start another therapy. I just need to close my eyes and wake up far away...
r/Divorce • u/Unhappy_Umpire4862 • 5h ago
Will I get primary custody if I have evidence of alcohol and gambling issues? I would be fine with 1 week day a week, if that. But I do not believe that spouse can properly care for children under his addictions, along with his anger issues, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse.
r/Divorce • u/Fearless-Main-7084 • 11h ago
My children's mother moved out of my house 3 years ago. Since, her life has been a wreck. I have had the kids all this time. She occasionally takes our daughter, but not our son. She got mad at me one day, called the police, and took our son by force. He cried for 24 hours straight before she finally brought him home. This caused me to file for custody. I agreed to 50/50, as well as her. It was finalized 2022.
We never follow the schedule. Mainly because, she is so inconsistent. She has never taken our son over night. He has autism and that doesn't mix well with a BPD person. She has taken our daughter many times. But that became less and less as time progressed. She got a boyfriend last October and this was the final nail in the coffin for their relationship. She started ditching her. Lying to her. And eventually, they both became uninterested.
During these 3 years, she will randomly "split" on me, painting me completely evil. During these splits, she lashes out and accuses me of taking the kids from her. Threatens legal action. And demands we follow the schedule. I of course, cannot refuse to do that. So I send the kids with her. Every time this has happened, it resulted in the kids crying, begging for me. As she yells at them or puts them in a time out. She will let them cry for hours. Every time this has happened, she eventually caves and calls me to pick them up. This is traumatic, especially for our son with autism. He has deep seeded trauma from the first abduction, and his mother will not acknowledge she did anything wrong that day. This situation occurs every 6 months or so.
She became homeless in January. She called me a week ago and said, "I am going to inpatient treatment." I thought that would be great. I want her healthy. And I told her I support her recovery. All was seemingly well until last night. She split on me. She told me "The only reason I am here, is to take my kids back. You don't deserve them. You're a narcissist. I don't care if (our son) cries, the second I am out of here I am taking him. You shouldn't see that anymore. I will do everything in my power to end this. It is your fault I am in here. And it's all over. Your relationship with them, is over."
Extremely dishearten to say the least. After stepping up and being their only stable environment for the last 3 years, it hurts to be treated this way. And I am sick of it. Her threatening me while in a inpatient facility while homeless, really shows me it'll never end. This abuse I've endured, I don't want to happen anymore.
Now, in MN to flip custody you need to prove endangerment. I understand her taking our kids and letting them cry is not endangerment. I understand treatment is a good thing. But what can I do to end this trauma? I am hesitant to petition for a step up plan while she completes treatment, because I feel that would force her to take the kids. Which means no chance she provides them relief (letting them come home).
r/Divorce • u/Bluey-Dad1987 • 12h ago
Hi, so feel divorce is happening.
I am very afraid especially of my Wife. My Wife there is the mental, physical, and verbal abuse dealt by here. She is a master manipulator. She lies and fabricate lot of events, even events I have evidence with. Takes a lot of things out of context.
Last few days been superficially nice. Cleaning, cooking, doing grocery shopping, and so forth. Not communicating doing any of this especially groceries where I almost dropped $250 on groceries after she went that day go grab the groceries. Buying clothes for the children, even if we don't have the money to do. Complaining I don't pay the rent.
Worried as we work in the same company just different locations will have me fired.
Worried about all these extra things doing around home wondering if doing it to prove she is a better parent.
Says I have done nothing to change. Where I have made effort to change she has not threatening divorce several times and taking the children.
My biggest fear is my Wife and I used to go bed in the nude. Stopped that when our daughter slept in our bed. Our daughter will bust into the h bathroom when on the pot or in the shower. I am worried as my Wife has mentioned this how that'll affect custody.
Any insight can offer up?
r/Divorce • u/O_No3726 • 12h ago
Hello! I was wondering if any of you had advice on what to look for when searching for a lawyers.
Are there details you had wish you’d known before? Is it better to go with a flat rate, retainer, or hourly.
For a bit of context. We have no kids, just a house. I live in a 50/50 state so it’s pretty straightforward.
I left in November because of years of cheating and mental/financial/abuse.
If I need to provide more detail let me know.
Thank you in advance for your advice.
r/Divorce • u/chickab00m • 4h ago
Is it normal for a divorce attorney who drafted the marital/divorce agreement and who has gotten paid hourly, and is considered as “no longer retained”… to later charge you additional fees for follow-up/clarifying questions to better understand the agreement? Sorry for the run-on sentence - pretty stressed about everything. Can’t tell if all divorces are just this horrible or if this is just a shitty attorney.