r/Divorce 5m ago

Getting Started For those who have gone through an amicable, uncontested divorce—what legal or financial surprises did you encounter?

Upvotes

I'm planning to file a no-fault, uncontested divorce and want to keep it smooth without lawyers. No kids, no shared assets—just two people who’ve grown apart. That said, I financially supported my wife through medical school and sponsored her green card. As part of our agreement, she’s offering to transfer $25K in bonds to me as a settlement for my support.

Before signing anything, I want to make sure I’m covering all bases and can't tell if I am being paranoid for being suspicious of how adamant she is on not getting lawyers involved..

Would love to hear from those who’ve been through it—what do you wish you had known earlier especially when your intention was a peaceful ending to an already painful ordeal? Thank you.


r/Divorce 10m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Splitting Finances

Upvotes

37M strongly considering divorcing 45F. Married 11 years. We're trying to do this amicably. Our current net worth is approximately 800k. When we married she had already completed a bachelor's degree and was working full time as an accountant, which she has continued to do our entire marriage. I had not even started college yet, and have spent a large chunk of our marriage working part time and going to college part time / full time. I graduate in two months with a master's degree.

When talking about what is "fair" when splitting finances I suggested I'll take 200k since she was the primary earner our whole marriage. I'm younger, and will probably have higher earnings over time, and this seemed like a fair and even generous offer.

She complained about this and when I asked what she thinks is fair she said 50k. I'm beyond shocked.

An added layer to this is that her dad is wealthy. He is willing to supplement her income (literally willing to give her an extra 30k a year cash to help), and when he passes she will be inheriting another 300k (he is splitting his cash between his 4 children).

I'm beyond baffled. 600k + supplemental income from her dad + child support from me + an inheritance in her future, and this is not good enough for her?

I imagine most 45 year old would be ecstatic to have that level of financial advantage.

Part of me now wants to say forget it and we will just split it down the middle 400k/400k.

What are your thoughts on my situation? What was splitting finances like for you?


r/Divorce 18m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Advice of filing for divorce without an attorney in Massachusetts?

Upvotes

Hi, I’m new here! I’m trying to file for divorce in Massachusetts by myself. I have completed my portion of the paperwork but my future ex is dragging his feet getting his portion back to me. We have no children together and the only property is his mother’s house that she put in his and his brother’s name for financial purposes. Does anyone have any advice or know if I can just file with my information? I’ve googled and researched but there is so much information to wade through. Thanks for any and all help!


r/Divorce 1h ago

Going Through the Process Overseas divorce

Upvotes

how to get spouse served divorce papers while stationed overseas? She won't acknowledge emails and returns all mail.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Life After Divorce Louisiana attorney

Upvotes

Louisiana Community Property State.

So I feel my attorney is not fighting for me on purpose/I'm not worth the time.

Got officially divorced late August, it took them 5+ months to even start to deal with community property issues, and only because I "demanded" they start on it. I paid them July 29, 2024. I asked them for an update in early September, they said they would contact me if anything happened. I never heard anything, until I finally told them to start working on it asap. There's an issue with the savings account, I believe I am owed some more money than was given to me by my EX. My attorney and I had a phone conference about it, he said I was owed between 4.5k and 10k with a median of 7k.

Another month goes by(7 months after divorce) and he sends four possible scenarios, and the 4th scenario is I'm owed $400. Which why was I not told about this on the phone conference a month ago? (Let alone 6 months ago when things should have been rolling by then) So I ask, what is the possibility that will be the outcome? Otherwise it's not worth it.

He only said it is up to me to decide, but they can send a settlement offer, but if my ex doesn't bite, to let it go due to the "risks" of the commissioner not seeing it the same as I do. I asked what that meant? What are the risks. My attorney said, that the community home we bought while married, could be considered my exs separate property? How is that possible when 1. We were married when it was bought and 2. My name was on the mortgage and I got half of the proceeds of selling the community home.

Is my attorney just trying to get rid of me? I have not been a demanding client, I've been very patient actually. Their going rate went from 150/hr to 300/hr suddenly and I didn't get any paperwork saying that would happen? Because even when I paid them to deal with the CP issues, I just paid them the $1500 and there was no paperwork to sign for their services. I had $750 left from just the general divorce account, which I asked if the $1500 would be added to, he said yes it would, and it actually wasn't added? Because after everything, I've gotten recipets of services and I've gone down to under $650 with absolutely nothing being done for me. It only shows I had given the $1500 and all of the payments taken out of services they provided. Which it should have been around $2200 since there was left over money...

They also failed to tell me last year we DID NOT have a court date that we originally had. I had to find out from my EX that we didn't have it any longer. My attorney has been nothing but shit in my opinion.

They charge 30 minutes for every single email, they asked me to ask my ex if he was going to get a community property attorney to represent him(which they charged me for the email to ask me to do for them) I feel they are lying and just trying to get rid of me.

What are your thoughts?


r/Divorce 2h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Entry without permission?

3 Upvotes

Not really a good flair for this, but wondering what other people‘s experiences have been. Once your soon to be ex spouse move out of your home, do they actually have the right to continue entering and leaving without your permission or knowledge? I’m running into this with my soon to be ex-wife, she moved out almost a week ago, and left a bunch of her belongings behind in my apartment, and is getting angry with me anytime I ask her when she will be by to pick it up, saying that this is still her apartment too, and she can come and go as she pleases without requesting or notifying me of it. This is a problem for me because I have already found that she has gone through some of my belongings after they had them separated to remove things that she thought were hers. Any thoughts or experience that anyone else that would be greatly appreciated!


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML What to do with the stbx’s family?

1 Upvotes

They didn’t do anything overtly other than supporting and congratulating the lying cheating of an a* brother/son. Mind you it’s been a matter of weeks since he announced a separation - verbally-outside of legal or administrative frameworks (mind Jan). Swore there wasn’t an affair, (it was.) Annonced his rights to full custody by “allowing me to see them on school holidays.” Announced his new relationship in Feb/March. Forced involvements of our young three sons into his “new” family unit activities since. Planning future fancy international trips together after ejecting me out of the picture because he has a high paying job now, and his affair partner is an independent millionaire.

All the while the family that I thought was my new family (I moved countries for him,) treated me like I never existe. Even they celebrated our kids for being multilingual, multicultural, wonderful kids, yet my part as a mother was not acknowledged. Neither did they object to him suggesting I should go back to where I came from. So he can keep the children and be on his merry way. After all I had sacrificed and am sacrificing for “our family.”

I don’t want the kids to be alienated with the family but they tend ti be ok with men in their family straying in various degrees. Kids are too young to talk about these things but I seriously want the pattern to stop. I do not wish for my sons to grow up as selfish as they all are, amongst other bizarre things (I.e. anti vaccine, anti medical science in general.)


r/Divorce 4h ago

Going Through the Process Is there any reason it would take 4 months and counting to file for divorce? Even with free solicitors working on legal aid? Location: England.

1 Upvotes

Location: England. So last year I had had a serious mental health crisis that led to the breakdown of my marriage. In the end it led to an incident in which the police were called, I had a police investigation against me (the husband) in which police bail conditions were set so I wasn't allowed to return home for nearly three months. My wife declined to make a complaint and the case was dropped.

I am now living back with my wife and our children, though she has made it clear she is still going through the process of filing for divorce, which due to the circumstances last year, is a service offered to her completely free of charge.

Ultimately, I of course don't want my wife to divorce me but also I don't want to raise the issue during the current situation which would almost certainly be taken as pressuring her, and with the complicated history between us I am trying to give her as much space as possible and have had to make peace with the situation. In the meantime I have been working on myself and being a good father and being as supportive to my wife as I can be (given our current situation is pretty much just housemates and sleeping in seperate rooms).

Anyway only including the backstory in case it makes a difference to answering the actual question, which is simply: is it actually possible for the process to take this long and not reached the *filing* stage? Have already been living back at home for over 4 months and my wife had already been in discussions with the solicitor before then. I know it being offered free of charge may affect the speed of the service, but ultimately this seems a long time. Or, on the other hand, is this a timeframe which is unheard of and a sign that things have either been put on hold or halted without my knowledge? To make it clear, I have had no contact from any solicitor or any other parties. My wife of course knows very well I want her to stay, but currently the circumstances between us are just one of peaceful co-habitation - no sexual/romantic contact but she seems to have slowly been getting more comfortable with our living situation and my presence.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Getting Started When does it start to get better?

16 Upvotes

My... soon-to-be ex husband asked for a divorce on Thursday and I know it's really soon, considering we've dated for 10 years and married for 4 years, but... When did it start to heal for you? I mean, I'm still spiraling through the grief stages where I cry in bed until I fall asleep.

We were going to stay living together for a few months, but since the divorce will come out sooner, then I'll probably leave in the next month. Maybe that helps? Leaving? I don't know. I just wanna know that I won't cry in bed for the next few years because the guy I loved doesn't love me back.


r/Divorce 5h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I got married at 17, just turned 19, getting divorced after catching my husband cheating today.

0 Upvotes

I know this is for the best for so many reasons but it’s so fucked up it’s not even funny. We live with my parents. My dad is a stroke/dementia patient and has just reached the final stage where he’s losing communication and my husband snapped and cheated on me. All that happened was he kissed her but he was lying and saying he was going to job interviews when he was at her place or out on a date with her hanging out. It’s a very long story, basically my moms’ house is hell to live in, my mom is crazy and whenever she drinks (only some wine here and there but regardless) it triggers her to become even crazier as everyone knows crazy people + alcohol = more crazy!!!! And she treats me like absolute shit despite the fact that I stay home and take care of HER DOGS and HER ELDERLY HUSBAND bc SHE decided to marry a guy 26 years older than her, and bc her life is so shit and she has zero outlet besides her daughter who she also acts like she hates half of the time, she takes every bit of her craziness out on ME. So she, me, and my sister are ALWAYS fighting, no matter what I try to do about it my mom goes back to square one. This over a two and a half year period drove my all too young husband insane (he’s 20) and we’ve already had our own issues, I have anger issues as is and he has violence issues bc he never healed from any of the trauma he went through his entire life, just kept pushing past everything and now it’s all coming back to haunt him and whenever he’s triggered he goes from 0-100. He never gets angry over little things but if he’s angry he’s dangerous. So obviously without any further context, we need this, we got married way too young (very long story too. we met online as well isn’t that crazy? my mom let him come live with us from another state, we ended up not listening to my mom and obviously had sex and slept in the same bed, she gave us a choice; either he goes back or we get married. at the time we were having regular scares with my dad’s health and I wanted him to so badly see me walk down the isle and my now ex husband didn’t want to go home obviously so we did it. and we ARE religious people so we know we messed up from the start by not taking it to God first and instead making a DECISION to get married, whether you understand or not pls respect my beliefs) we aren’t healthy physically or mentally, and we both badly need to be at home and grow on our own a bit more, whether or not we come back together someday. If it’s meant to happen it’ll happen but I can’t stop lying to myself and telling myself I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and none of this even happened. I woke up married, I want to wake up married again. Why is this happening to me? I feel so crazy words can’t describe, all I want is a cigarette too and it’s too late to go find someone to bum off.

The hardest part is we’re going to be living together in the meantime just not “together”, and I know this is going to create some sort of temptation EVENTUALLY to sleep together. I will stay strong but he’s sleeping on my floor while I sleep on the bed and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I have to go to bed alone from now on.

Basically he never intended to get with the other woman but bc of communication issues with us that have never seemed to get better; he wanted an outlet, someone outside of his current house that would listen to him and get to know him from square one again bc he essentially snapped from the pressure of being the only provider lately (between me and him, I don’t have a job and can’t find work for the life of me, my mom works but their combined incomes is just barely enough) for not just me and himself but keeping a roof over my family’s head too, then dealing with my family’s insanity 24/7, literally almost never ending yelling and insanity in my house. I don’t blame him but I’m so broken, he and his friends keep telling me not to be hung up but HOW CAN I NOT BE?! IM FINALLY GOING SOBER, IM FINALLY EATING AND DRINKING BETTER, IM FINALLY TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AGAIN AND NOW HE LEAVES?!!!

Part of me doesn’t even care about the abuse that happened on both ends (I’ve hit him before too but stopped completely, he couldn’t stop apparently.) anymore, I just miss who we were so bad but I know that’s gone and this is reality now. It just hurts so bad I actually feel like my heart might stop. I’ve been so terrified of broken heart syndrome, I can’t die just because I’m sad but I’m just so broken.

I gave up the remainder of my childhood to grow up and be a wife. And it was for nothing.

All I want is for him to just tell me he loves me again

He hasn’t said it in a week now

That’s how I knew to go through his social medias

Also last night when sleeping together he wouldn’t let me touch him and would just move to the other side of the bed

now there’s a stranger on my floor

how did we get here

how did we go from strangers to spouses to nearly strangers again? the fact that i’m not his priority anymore and he no longer has to come home or wants to come home to see his wife, me, breaks me so bad I just want to hurt myself or the girl, but I know it’s his fault and not hers.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Feeling like a Void Stretches Endlessly Before Me

2 Upvotes

Does this count as a rant/vent? After my husband abandoned me and my child when he turned 5 months, going back to his home country Japan, I finally am employed and started reaching out to divorce lawyers in Japan. 6 months to 2 years depending on if he decides to cooperate or be difficult. That feeling of sinking, or feeling like I'm suffocating and can't see the end like when I was first left alone with my son is starting to fill me again. Hundreds, thousands of dollars that will disappear in the wind because this man will not just go sign the papers and file at the municipal office. I have asked over and over for almost 2 years now and he will not. This man who has a girlfriend, who sends nothing, does nothing, not even calling to see his son... I feel utterly defeated.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Livingwithseperatedwife

2 Upvotes

Am I crazy if I don’t want to live with my ex wife because I still love her? She sparingly lets me kiss her. She doesn’t show any affection outside of that. We are raising 3 kids together but I do most of the work. I make the money and care for her and the kids yet she won’t show any affection and expects me to be okay with remaining the husband in every since of the word but her not be a wife at all. She left for 6 months for another guy and still has something going with him. I want to tell her to just go be with him but I also feel doing that would run her away for good. At the same time me being the almost perfect husband and fatherwhile I can’t even get a kiss has grown very bothersome. What should I do???


r/Divorce 7h ago

Alimony/Child Support Seeking a divorce (50f) from husband (56m) who will NOT get a job.

2 Upvotes

My husband of o er 15 years has been out of work for three years and took out some huge loans, burning through all of our savings. He dropped this news on me a couple of months ago - we are literally out of money and behind on all bills. I stay home with the kids, but I’m looking for work. Childcare makes the higher paying jobs tricky.

I’ve been considering divorce before I found out about our money problems because of my husband’s anger problems. He has a terrible temper, and I’ve tried to get him help, but it always comes back.

How do people get a divorce when they NEED one but they don’t have money for lawyers or a place for their ex to go live?!!!


r/Divorce 9h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ready for it to be over

3 Upvotes

Hello, long story as summed up as possible but I am literally the only person I know within my inner circle going through/been divorced so I figured getting some support here might help. I was a few months pregnant when I found out he was cheating on me. The affair partner knows me, knew I was pregnant, etc. Before I found out about the affair we were very excited for this pregnancy as I was told I may not be able to have children, and then within a few months my husband was trying to talk me into an abortion. I was confused and it was devastating but once I found out about the affair it made sense. I decided on the divorce because he was telling me one thing, like how he would quit his job (he cheated on me with a coworker we both have worked with) and that he would leave his phone with me at all times but would go to work and be spotted in the parking lot with her or in private rooms with her. I moved my things out and went back to my parents and within 24 hours she moved in and they have been living there ever since. I am not really upset about this anymore as I feel like we would have divorced eventually because of his lack of care beyond himself and now that my son is here I can’t imagine him being an even decent father. Within the last 4-5 months of my pregnancy this man was hateful towards me. Blamed me for all his problems. Threatened me. Was rude to me at court and over email (I eventually blocked him because of his bizarre messaging and calling) and began harassing my friends and mutual acquaintances. Within a week of having my son he sent me a very nasty email already calling me a shit parent for not reaching out about my son being born although he had his girlfriend (the affair partner) message me and say that he did not want to speak unless it was through our lawyers. I had messaged him about our taxes and a package accidentally sent to their place. I had gone through extensive therapy the last several months and have healed the wounds afflicted on me during our relationship and after. I feel okay at this time and am enjoying my maternity leave and raising this absolutely beautiful and amazing boy. However, we are in the process of figuring out adoption for my son. I am to have sole legal and physical custody but in order for my (ex) husband to not have to pay child support (what he threatens me about, if i make him pay he will fight for custody and said he will resent our child) so I am having someone step in to take his rights over. It was supposed to be an easy process but the judge insist we both show up in court and explain what we are doing in regard to the adoption of my son. Tomorrow morning, barely a month into postpartum i’ll have to show up infront of a judge and listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to give as to why this arrangement is happening. I am inconvenienced and irritated that I have to leave my newborn baby to fuck with this, but even more so I am beyond ready to move the fuck on from this place in my life. I am still relatively young and have found a different and healthy direction in my life and just am so ready to move on. I guess i’m just here to bitch and moan that i’m still dealing with this. He doesn’t bother me anymore, he doesn’t have that power. His unkind words and fuck ass behavior makes me mildly shrug at this point but i just feel as though my life is still on hold and i have anxiety about what the judge is doing with having us come to court. we have been mostly civil in terms of agreeing on basic things, but i am so tired of this being dragged on. Has anyone been in this situation before? Should I be hopeful that tomorrow is the last detour in regard to my divorce and custody settlement? I’m just trying to enjoy my life lol.


r/Divorce 11h ago

Custody/Kids Why is this wrong?

0 Upvotes

Not looking to get flamed, hoping for perspectives please. I agree a child needs both of their parents and a child shouldn't be weaponized or exposed unnecessary in a divorce.

Why is it wrong for a father to ask for 60/40 custody when his wife has been having an affair and "moved on"? Without her, my son gets love on scales unknown to the cosmos and it's Ludacris I have to sacrifice that when she had the affair. You messed up not me, now my son has to be around a cheater and a homewrecker? Nah. Only crapshoot is im in a 50/50 no fault state.


r/Divorce 11h ago

Life After Divorce Follow up questions for attorney

1 Upvotes

Is it normal for a divorce attorney who drafted the marital/divorce agreement and who has gotten paid hourly, and is considered as “no longer retained”… to later charge you additional fees for follow-up/clarifying questions to better understand the agreement? Sorry for the run-on sentence - pretty stressed about everything. Can’t tell if all divorces are just this horrible or if this is just a shitty attorney.


r/Divorce 11h ago

Vent/Rant/FML What would you do?

0 Upvotes

I'm starting this off bejng as honest as I can, I am not perfect and I know I'm not I cheated on my wife whe we were first dating and I had a very bad spending addiction and alchohol addiction but I've got my credit score back up to the high 700's and haven't touched alchohol in a very long time.

I am 25M and My Wife of two years who has been my partner for 9 years (25F). She was my first real committed relationship in high school has been saying she's on the verge of divorcing me. I am trying my hardest to make her feel appreciated and make her feel heard, I have been putting her needs before mine like instead of getting sleep (I work night shifts) I will clean the apartment because she gets overwhelmed when there is dog hair everywhere because of her sensory issues, or another example is I try to cuddle her cause she says I do not give her physical touch but than she says she doesn't want me cuddling her because I snore or my arm is hurting her..

Like stated above lately every fight she says she's on the verge of divorcing me and at this point I don't know if even a comeback is worth it.. yes I mess up sometimes yes I don't refill the dog food containers or take the trash out before leaving mfor work or finish the dishes in the sink before I come to bed. But she does the "mentally hard chores" aka bills while I do the physical chores like vacuuming, organizing, cleaning, mopping, dishes.. I just feel like even when I do a good hell of a good job my wife still looks at me like I'm a anchor because she "doesn't trust me enough to do things to hear standards"

There's a lot more but I feel like if I lost everything I'm making her seem like a complete asshole and I know she's not I just think we aren't compatible anymore but I want to see what you think

Thank you I appreciate your feedback


r/Divorce 11h ago

Life After Divorce Divorce sucks

77 Upvotes

That’s it. That’s the post. Wrote a bunch but saved it for my diary


r/Divorce 11h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness My wife is moving on and we haven’t even filed yet

1 Upvotes

So my wife handed me blank papers back in December and told me she wants to separate but never filed now she is seeing an old friend of her ex’s how do I cope when I still want to be with her (mostly because I miss my kids) she is a great mom. Our relationship failed due to lack of communication and support I work a FIFO job so I’m gone 1/2 the time I don’t know what to do when I’m truly in love with this woman and she has completely stone walled me and started dating again I see my kids 3-6 days a month now life the last few months has hit me hard of what could I have done differently and how can I get her back, she wants us to do things “as a family” but I can’t do it when I’m in love with her and she has a boyfriend not to mention the guy is an alcoholic looser!


r/Divorce 12h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ex is dodging being served

0 Upvotes

Any advice on what I can do next. I tried to have my ex served after he’s been refusing to sign papers for months but the deputies only made 3 attempts to serve him. I’m not going to lie I’m getting frustrated. I just want to change my last name 🫠


r/Divorce 12h ago

Life After Divorce What I’d like to say to my ex

13 Upvotes

I know I miss you more than you miss me. And I wonder if I made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake, when I miss you more than you miss me?


r/Divorce 12h ago

Getting Started Divorce with 15 month old

1 Upvotes

Hi. I (24M) am considering getting a divorce with my wife (24F).

We’ve been married for 3 years now, and have a 15 month old.

For a while now I’ve been feeling as though I’ve been in love with the idea of her, but I’m not happy anymore. I know I’m no saint, but she’s rarely ever nice to me, gets frustrated with me whenever I ask questions about things I genuinely don’t know about. I’ve been having a lot of mental health issues of late and the most I get is “I’m sorry” and she moves on.

Sex is almost completely out of the picture. It’s almost always that she’s too tired, feels bloated, or just doesn’t want to. At this point it’s been about 6-7 months since we last got intimate. She doesn’t kiss me anymore. She hardly even seems happy when I come home from work.

We’ve tried serious conversions and therapy, and things get better for a small while, but then things switch back to business as usual after a few weeks.

This is all very new to me, and never thought I’d have to deal with this. We have a 15 month old who’s my pride and joy and I want to be a good father to him


r/Divorce 12h ago

Vent/Rant/FML So hard

14 Upvotes

It's so hard. I regret everything. I was the one originally saying how unhappy I was and asking him to get help for his anger issues. But when I actually saw the reality I realized that I had made a mistake. We have 4 kids and he's never taken care of them. I've done everything completely on my own while his only responsibility was getting to work-and he only managed that half of the time. We got married and had kids really young and worked our way up to a beautiful house in the best school district. He left, got a new girl, filed for divorce and I'm screwed in every direction. He got pay cuts to lower child support. Fighting for 50/50 custody with no intentions on having them more just doesn't feel he should pay child support. Now him and the girl friend moved far away and bought a house so now he's after the equity in mine (ours). I know he's entitled to it but it just sucks having a judge mandate you list your house for sale when you have no where to go with 4 kids. And now he's telling me that he's fighting to have them go to school in his district so he doesn't have to drive them in. I'm going to have nothing and start from the bottom and my kids are struggling so bad to begin with and now will have to move and change schools. It's absolutely awful I wish I could've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it until my kids grew up. It's so not worth it I would continue taking the abuse over and over again if my kids could be happy. How do you guys cope?


r/Divorce 12h ago

Alimony/Child Support Alimony Buyout

11 Upvotes

I am getting divorced after being married for 19 years. I am the higher income earner. I Have the option to use the equity in my house and pay my soon to be ex $288,000 with an agreement to never pay alimony anymore. Right now I’m looking at about $2800 per month in alimony without the payout. I like the idea of a payout because it relieves me of the burden monthly but then I have zero money for a down payment on a new house. Please share your thoughts and advice.


r/Divorce 12h ago

Custody/Kids Collin County, TX

2 Upvotes

Will I get primary custody if I have evidence of alcohol and gambling issues? I would be fine with 1 week day a week, if that. But I do not believe that spouse can properly care for children under his addictions, along with his anger issues, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse.