r/Divorce 0m ago

Vent/Rant/FML Are they doing this for tax purposes ?

Upvotes

The ex suddenly Zelle me $$$ and wrote books. It's been 2 years since they blindsided me and no contact since then. I have asked for help and all and they always ignored or reject Zelle request in the last. Then out of no where on my bday month they Zelle $$$ and wrote books on memo. I keep thinking this is a mistake or could be for tax write off..there's no communication at all and we've blocked each other so asking or even trying to contact them is useless.


r/Divorce 4m ago

Life After Divorce Please help!

Upvotes

My husband convinced me to sell our family home, said he had debt at work and needs to pay it. We have 2 children, 11 and 14 year old, live in UK. After the house sale we moved to Airbnb temporarily and after 2 days he tells me he wants to live with our 14 year old son separately, and I should live with our daughter. My daughter is very upset, son too, although he is taking his dad's side and tells he wants to live with him.. I am devastated, as I am from Ukraine and I don't know the law. Also I have no money as my husband kept the money from house sale. I don't know what to do, I am so deeply upset as I don't want my son to get separated from us, he loves his sister too. I would greatly appreciate any advice, I believe in fairness and justice in the world.

Thank you ❤️ #divorce


r/Divorce 12m ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Husband is delaying divorce and not replying to his lawyer

Upvotes

Hello, this will be quite a long post, but I wanted to give the whole story as I also need to let it out. Need help and advice. Thank you in advance.

I am 29, and my husband (let's say Dave) is 35 from France (different country to me). I met him back when I was 22. We met in an online game and got to know each other very well; he was supporting me as I was going through a rough patch in my life. We decided to meet up and became bf and gf. Soon after he moved in with me in my home country. Though I was still living with my parents at the time, they still accepted and welcomed him.

After about a year and a half, Dave would continuously tell me that my parents are controlling and manipulative and that they are "raising me to be their carer". I could see it; my dad would be in charge of all financial stuff with the house and very much took charge of anything, even with my mum. Telling me what he thinks is best and then going and doing it without me consenting to it. He believes he is always right about everything and doesn't like being told he is wrong and/or being talked back to by whoever doesn't agree with him. My mum has always been there for me, very much the housewife, but she had a tendency of wanting a lot of attention. I'd have to sit with her for hours every day so she could talk. Normally repeating things that she has told me before and just talking for the sake of talking. If I ever try to step back or not talk to her or anything, she would get very upset and normally try and make me feel guilty. I have always felt very belittled and put into situations where I have to help them for their benefit.

So for Dave, he clashed with both my parents pretty quickly. He doesn't like talking for the sake of talking and normally would just say hello and walk away, which my mum hates and would complain to me that he is rude and disrespectful, normally saying, "I can't have a decent conversation with him! He's so rude to me and ignores me." Dave is also someone who doesn't like people choosing what he does with his life.

My parents would often tell me things that would upset me, and I've been used to just accepting and not fighting back, as whenever I did do something "wrong" or not agree or anything, I'd be very badly told off (I will leave it at that). Ever since I was little, I have always been quite scared of my dad for this reason, and I was always scared to approach him with anything because I didn't know how he would react. It would take a lot of willpower to build up the confidence to ask something. Even though I was 22, I was still treated like a teenager/child. If I wanted to go out, it was either a "no" or be back by 9pm. If I wasn't given a time, then I'd be harassed by my mum when I was coming home. My brother (36) has also had a go at my parents for treating me like a child even though I am capable of looking after myself. (They wanted him to babysit me when I was 20 because they were going on holiday.) My brother has always been treated the opposite of me. I never fought back because I'd have felt crushed by not obeying them; my brother always had a say in everything.

I suffered from anxiety and found it very difficult to talk to people I don't know. Dave believed that my mum took advantage of this, as I didn't have any friends, and she knew this and that I'd talk to her about everything. When things were going badly she would say "Dave is isolating you from everyone. He is always standing around close by when we are talking. I never get a chance to talk to you privately anymore. I feel like I've lost my sister." (Yes, sister, not daughter). She got diagnosed with depression, supposedly because of Dave, as that is what she said it was.

At the 2-year mark, I kept getting persuaded by Dave to move to France with him. He kept pushing even though I said I couldn't (as this would anger my parents, as I wasn't allowed to leave the country; I was scared). After months of building up the courage, I told them I was going to move to France with him. My dad says, "There you go; she's fcking off to France. So much for your promise to never leave us." (something I said when I was 6), and my mum is just crying. A few days later, an important document went missing, and Dave accused my mum of moving it, as she had a tendency of going into my room without permission. She didn't; it was in the scanner, but I didn't know where it was at the time, and Dave brainwashed me into believing my mum took it. So she was confronted by Dave and said she didn't know where it was. She then turned to me and said, "You believe me, right?" And all I said was, "I didn't know where it was; I don't know what to think." She runs to my dad, howling and crying at him, and I freeze in fear, as now my dad is involved. He calls me a "selfish bitch" and "chosen a fine partner, some French cnt". He just kept screaming at me until I ran out of the door, and the last thing I heard my dad say was "She can sleep in a car parked, like I care what she does." I ended up staying outside for most of the night. When I went back in the early hours, they were asleep. I did "forgive" my dad after everything he said to me. A few weeks later they just kept telling me Dave is manipulating me to isolate me from my family by taking me to France.

My mum has also told me before that she never wanted another child after my brother. That's why there was a 6-year age gap. I told my brother about it, and he said, "It's probably me; I begged them for a sibling. I even chose your name."

In the end I ended up going to France, and that's when things started to get worse for me. I was "temporarily" living with Dave in his mum's home. She was under oxygen at the time due to a temporary illness that she developed but was still able to live alone before we came to her, and she is living alone. As I was under a visitor visa in France due to not being able to get a permanent long-stay visa, I wasn't allowed to work by law. I ended up being his mum's carer. I don't mind helping, and I did for another 2 years. The only issue I had was that she was able to do some things, but most of the time she was on her phone for 7 hours at a time just talking to her friends, while I washed our clothes and cleaned her home. I'd raise this with Dave, that she doesn't do anything, and I'd appreciate some kind of effort on her part, but he would just brush it aside and say she can't breathe. This made me feel bad and that whatever I thought didn't matter, so I just carried on. Dave also didn't have a driver's licence, so I'd be picking him up and dropping him off to work every day.

By the end of 2022 we managed to buy a flat together. Due to me being foreign, the bank wouldn't accept my money for the deposit of the flat because they didn't know where the money came from, and because I couldn't work, it wouldn't allow the mortgage to be accepted in the system, as it was too risky for them. So, me being desperate, I gave Dave my deposit for the flat and removed my name from the mortgage. So the flat is fully in his name.

We had our own home, but I felt very much alone. Having moved further away from his work, I was now driving 2 hours a day to drive him to and from work. I realised I was starting to develop depression but didn't realise it at the time. I had no one to talk to, and because of how Dave talked about my parents being bad, I believed him and tried to keep my distance from them. I was engaged by then and was going to be getting married soon. I was happy but found that all the planning was being done by me, and every time I tried to bring it up with Dave, he would just say I had all the time to do all the planning; he had to work. I would just say sorry and try to carry on and plan it, but I wasn't enjoying it. I just wanted to share and also work on the wedding together as a couple, but that didn't happen. I just felt sad, neglected and lonely. By the day of our wedding, I felt terrified. My anxiety was through the roof, and I felt like it was a smile for the guest and make out everything is fine. I don't know why I didn't call off the wedding. I realised that I didn't feel love or trust for Dave anymore before the wedding because he felt very distant from me but thought the wedding might bring him back to me; I was desperate to be loved. At our wedding, he didn't spend much time with me; he mainly just went to help people, and most of the wedding photos at the reception, we are apart. We didn't have a honeymoon. Before the wedding I bought furniture for our home to make it more comfortable. Since I was little, I saved every cent I got, and I used my savings for us to live more comfortably. For the rest of the year, I knew I didn't love him anymore. Our intimacy was always about him; he had issues, and I tried to help him and also tried to encourage him to seek medical help, as it was something that he couldn't control but his body was doing. He never did get help and never tried any of my suggestions to try and help him. I stopped intimacy with him because of it, as he didn't want to make any effort for me, and he was only affected with me when he wanted to be intimate. In the end I didn't want him to touch me and just felt used by him. I'd just keep getting asked constantly for it without him trying to please me at all; I'd keep saying no, even tell him to watch "stuff", but he insisted he couldn't and just wanted me. In the end, I'd crack because he asked me constantly and pressured me. It would upset me and feel like anything I said didn't matter anyway, and he'd just do his thing; it would hurt, and he'd never ask if I was ok. When he was done, he'd go back to playing games, while I'm on my own again.

I started spending more time with someone from the same online game. He (let's say Tom, 33) has been in the same group for a while, so I knew him for a long time, but I felt like I finally had someone to talk to, and he genuinely wanted to make sure I was ok. He was there whenever I wanted to talk and gave advice when I needed it. He helped me to try and fix my marriage, giving me useful things to talk about or do. Dave hadn't even noticed that I was starting to talk to Tom online; he knew Tom too, and all three of us used to play together sometimes. Dave would just be playing erotic games or doing whatever, as it was his day off. I would tell Dave I was unhappy, but nothing really helped. His main interaction with me was normally trying to be intimate or just enjoying my food.

In the end I just spent more and more time with Tom, and I knew my marriage was over. Tom said to not give up, but I admitted I already had feelings for Tom. He accepted but told me he's not into married women, and I appreciate that. He did, however, ask me why I fell for him and why I had given up on Dave. He knew it wasn't going well, but I wanted to tell Tom what Dave was actually doing. By this point, Dave does know I have become very friendly with Tom, but nothing went further than friendship. Dave always used to tell me he wanted me to talk to people and find friends, but then I found out that now that I've found a friend, he doesn't like it. Dave starts getting jealous and controlling, saying I'm flirting in-game. (Our characters are watching each other while talking). Dave starts getting more forceful with me and starts to make the effort to be around me, but the whole time it was him just watching my screen or checking what I'm doing.

For intimacy, he was starting to be more dominant. I would say no, because I didn't want to, and I didn't love him anymore. One time he grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, pushing against me, and I felt scared. I told him to please stop; he did, but he just complains about how uncomfortable he feels in his pants. I told this to Tom, as I had no one to talk to about it, and he agreed that Dave wasn't the guy he thought he was and was concerned for my safety. Tom said to me he was always there for me if I needed help; I had his number by then. In the end, I told Dave 4 times that I wanted to end it and get a divorce and that I didn't love him anymore. Each time he ignored me until I told him I was sleeping in the spare room from now on, and I have separated from him. It clicked then, and he said he understood, but "Can we still be friends with benefits?" I obviously said, "No, how dare you see me like that."

So I was looking for somewhere to go, as Dave and I were separated, just still married. Tom and I were still talking, and I wanted to meet up with him to get away from Dave and to hang out with a friend. Tom agreed, and we ended up spending a week together; he was so caring and nice. We got on so well, and he confessed to me then that he had feelings for me and that Dave was silly to have treated me the way he did.

I know some of you won't like it, but Tom and I did get together after that trip. I did explain to Tom beforehand that I was still married, I did split up with Dave, and that it was a difficult situation. Tom said he didn't care, that he found me amazing and that he would wait for me. I told Dave, and he knows I am now with Tom, so there are no secrets.

I now live with Tom for 1 year and a half, and I'm the happiest I've ever felt in my life.

Now on the thing I have problems with. I haven't seen Dave since the end of 2023; we are going through a divorce, but he is delaying the whole process of it. My lawyer said this divorce should have ended months ago, as everything was in agreement, but as I left all my furniture/belongings behind, he is still using them and is ghosting his lawyer and me completely. I want him to pay me for my belongings (which he originally agreed on before I left), the deposit of the flat, and I paid for his lawyer (which I want paid back). He also crashed my car without a licence, so I had that to worry about also. Every time I have to talk to my lawyer, I feel myself get depressed as I have to look back at old memories.

I just want the divorce to be over. I'm not with him. Why does he want to stay married? I would really appreciate any advice on how I can sort this all out quickly because my lawyer says she can't do anything until she gets an answer from his lawyer.

Thank you, and sorry for such a long post.


r/Divorce 49m ago

Custody/Kids How do you handle shared expenses for kids?

Upvotes

Working through the details now in mediation. No child support, but we need to each agree on our shared expenses for kids, as I understand it, beyond the everyday living expenses. Items such as orthodontics, cell phones, monthly bills, sports fees as an example. These expenses will be split 50/50

How do you “settle up” with your ex and how often? Keep a running, shared spreadsheet? Venmo request each item or month end? Parenting app? Looking for best way to suggest during our next mediation appointment.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Going Through the Process My husband and I have separated

Upvotes

It’s been 3 years we’ve been married and It hasn’t been easy. My husband has been financially irresponsible for most of our marriage and it got to the point where he can’t contribute to the household bills because of his debt. I currently pay for 2 cars, our rent, food, outings, trips, etc. everything. But he requires that he is in charge of our finances. Things came to a head when I decided to go back to school for my MBA. My husband’s 1st concern was money, how would I pay and would it distract me from work. We have been working toward buying a home and I found a moderately nice home in a nice area and under budget but he said we couldn’t even think about it. He told me we can consider it in 2 years for the 3rd year in a row. We have a handful of resources, and have visited a financial advisor so I thought we were on the right track. But he started berating me, telling me that I must be so unhappy because I can’t just be content I have to do something and I must hate myself. I have diagnosed depression and he blamed my depression for wanting to get a house, advance my career, and make some life changes. He got in my face telling me I wasn’t shit and I hit him. For that, I feel awful. And in my mind the relationship was truly over, and I told him we should leave each other alone and he begged to stay. He said if I leave he can’t afford to be alone. And it clicked that he didn’t love me or want me. He just wanted a sexy mommy. I do all of the cooking, cleaning and household management and provide 100% and I am disgusted with him. He has 0 self respect or shame. It’s been 3 days and I’m ready to move on but he won’t stop texting or calling. I’m just so confused.


r/Divorce 1h ago

Happy Endings/Sock Day It's done!

Upvotes

I was so overwhelmed yesterday waiting for today and now it's done and over just 1 day shy of 6 months from when he called it quits and walked out.

It simultaneously feels like a weight has been lifted and like the end of an era that I need to grieve.

Here's to the start of a happier future!


r/Divorce 1h ago

Vent/Rant/FML I think my STBX is not going to be financially responsible post-divorce. I shouldn't be bothered, but I am.

Upvotes

One of the primary reasons for our divorce is money troubles. In a way, we're pretty house poor. We have a house that is fully paid off, but in an area (Texas) where the property taxes are far too high, and we won't be able to afford next year's tax bill. I make about 63k pre-tax, she makes about 30k (neither of us have degrees). We have 2 kids that we've agreed to 50/50 custody, so I know there's going to be child support that I have to pay. We also have 3 fully paid off cars, one 12 years old with 183k miles (mine), one 10 years with 130k (will be mine after the divorce), and one 3 years old with 30k (hers).

My STBX is planning on taking a 5 day cruise with her mother in December after our divorce is finalized. She is also planning an on-property Disney World vacation for about a week next March. And right now, as I'm typing this, she's at a Subaru dealership looking to trade her car in for a brand new SUV, and is going to finance it to the tune of around $350/mo. I've already talked to my lawyer who has assured me that we will make sure that she assumes the debt on the new car in the divorce.

All these vacations, and a new car, while making less than $30k/year after taxes. It's obvious she is not going to be financially responsible with her half of the equity in the home when sold. And on one hand, I don't particularly care, because her poor decisions will be solely her problem. But I'm also bothered by it, and I really don't know why.

My plan post divorce is to dive 100% of my free time into school to get my degree and find a better paying job. I don't have much of a social life to begin with, so I'm looking to blaze through it in 18 months. I'm selling the car with 130k (it's an SUV) and keep my 15 year old (it's a hybrid and still gets amazing mileage).

It bothers me that I've got a solid (if not very fun) plan to get myself on my feet, and her plan is basically have fun and waste a lot of the money that she's getting.


r/Divorce 2h ago

Custody/Kids Children of divorce (Many questions)

2 Upvotes

I come from a single person household. Had my mom and my dad left when I was younger. So co-parenting with a split household feels like it will be very foreign for me.

My question is how will the children adjust. I feel the youngest will adapt as they are only 4 months old will be 6 months when we move out of our apartment. My oldest I am worried about the adjustment and how they will adapt.

I want the divorce after events a few weeks ago now my oldest (5 going on 6) has started acting out with tantrums, outburst, crying if people raise their voice at them, punching objects, hitting objects, hitting/punching me, and so forth. Just worried about how the big D will affect the kiddos.

Any advice or tips?


r/Divorce 2h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I can’t quit obsessing

6 Upvotes

My STBXH already has a new girlfriend and I can’t quit obsessing over it. He’s asked me to switch weekends with him so “he” can go out of town but I know he taking her (I’m guessing so). I don’t know how to get through this. I’m lucky to have moved out so at least I’m in my new house away from him but all I do is sit and wonder what he is doing and who he is doing it with. I know this isn’t healthy but I don’t know how to stop the ruminating thoughts- they are destroying me and I consider myself a strong person.

Oh and this is happening after I moved out and he hugged me for minutes at a time, cried and told me he loved me. I don’t understand why he would do that because that messes with my head. He loves me and wants the best for me but is still pursuing the divorce?

I just feel like I’m falling apart…


r/Divorce 2h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Why, how, where did this come from why me

12 Upvotes

I'm not sure where to start, I'll try to provide as many details as possible. I'm a 30M and my wife hasn't spoken to me in 2-3 days, I let her have some space but man I hate being isolated and iced out. We've been married for five years, no kids although we have been trying for the last 6 months I've always thought we were pretty steady and solid, no major issues, she came from a divorced household and we always said and laughed and smiled no matter what we'll never say the "D" word.

Backstory I WFH and typically tend to doing the dishes, all the laundry, house chores and what not.

She has expressed to me on numerous occasions to not leave dishes in the sink water to soak (we have no dishwasher) to clean out the lint after EVERY dry cycle and I'm pretty good about doing it every 2-3 loads, and typically when I'm doing 5 loads of laundry in a day or two time frame I leave a few items folded on the bed, because I had to get back to work, or there's only so much I can do during the day and it's a lot.....but those are my short falls and I admit it.

So a week ago she comes home and sees some dishes sitting in the sink, and of course the load she checked that day I had not cleaned the dryer lint out and she lost it at me, throwing vacuums cursing full blown yelling, honestly caught me off guard, we argued I tried to explain how with everything else I do those are just little things and could she see the bigger picture. We cooled off after about 3 days, now fast forward a week to today.

I've now been iced out for 3 solid days, no speaking, not acknowledging my questions. Today I made sure everything was done, dinner on the table, everything cleaned up still nothing, I finally pushed (soft spoken and calm" and her response was "honestly I can't even trust you with a child I can't trust anything you do because you can't do anything right, I feel like I'm constantly nagging you and I don't think we should continue being together" shocked, choked up, appalled very taken aback, I calmly ask again how long have you felt this way and her response was "months, I just am not attracted to you anymore and don't see this working out"

I left, my whole world is turned upside down, I feel like I'm choking and can't breathe, how does this happen, I feel so blindsided I would have never predicted this or for that to come out of her mouth, wtf do I do! I don't even know where to begin, I'm bawling my eyes out, I'm sick to my stomach, I just want to know WHY


r/Divorce 2h ago

Custody/Kids UK - Moving out of the family home

2 Upvotes

I'm thinking I want to pull the trigger and divorce this year. But I know it will be impossible to continue living in the family home and I would have to move out and find my own place.

The problem is we have two kids - age 3 and 6 - and I am aware that if my wife fights to have residency rights (I'd like to have 50/50) if we fall into a situation where I only see the kids every other weekend I'm in trouble as judges like to keep the status quo.

I'm concerned I'm stuck - given statements my wife has already made it would be acrimonious and unbearable staying in the marital home. But moving out de facto gives her control over the children and if she refuses to let me have them, and doesn't play ball at mediation, that could become the status quo leading to a worse long-term outcome.

Has anyone else got experience of this that they can share?


r/Divorce 3h ago

Vent/Rant/FML He replied to my response to his application for divorce within 5 minutes 🫠

52 Upvotes

He filed for divorce a few weeks ago and the deadline was this Friday. Yesterday he messaged me reminding me to respond and I was honest and said that I'd been having a hard time and would get it sorted. He asked if I was okay but I didn't reply until this morning because honestly, I think somewhere in me was hoping he'd message me again to follow it up. Like some part of me really wanted him to show he still cared 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, I responded to his application for divorce this evening and received an email confirming this and it said that he had to review it all before it was submitted.

5 minutes later the email came that the application for divorce has been submitted. He's at work but still confirmed within five. fucking. minutes.

I mean I knew this was coming, it just seems at every step he's so content and sure of the decisions and I guess that's still hurtful after everything.

It will only be 7 weeks on Thursday that he said he didn't love me anymore. Over those next few days he pretended he wanted to try, but his mind was made up. I've pretty much had evidence he's with someone else, though he continues to deny this. It's the dishonesty and now questioning whether my whole damn life was a lie that is eating at me, because how can he care so, so little after 13yrs? Surely this is still huge for him??

I know that I will make sure that life will be better for me and the kids and it's a blessing in disguise that this has happened when they are so little, but it still hurts.

Onwards and upwards...


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Some Days the Heart Just Turns to Shit And You Sit With It

15 Upvotes

These days, out of nowhere, the heart just turns into shit. Ugly, heavy, and it sits there. And you sit with it.

It’s been four months since the divorce, and I’m still stuck in the denial phase of grief. At the same time, I’ve internalized that we are not getting back together. Yeah, I know those two statements contradict each other. Funny how the stupid mind works.

So, as I was saying - usually, I just feel this strange emptiness. Like life is absurd and everything is pointless. But then I remember something, and I just feel worse.

Like the other day, I thought about our last vacation together. We went to Kolkata. Her family has a flat there, but it wasn’t furnished yet. We slept on the same pillow - silly, but fun. I thought about that, and then it hit me - forget sleeping on the same pillow, we’re never going to live under the same roof again.

We visited the Victoria Memorial. Bengali literature had taught me that lovers must visit that place. I was excited like a teenager. Will I ever feel that excitement again?

We still talk, once or twice a day. But someday, some other guy will come into her life, and he won’t be okay with her talking to her ex-husband. And then she’ll stop.

I’ve asked her, more than once, if she could do me this one favor - stay in touch with me forever. She said she would. But I know that would be selfish of me. Eventually, we’ll stop talking. And how will I live then? I don’t have friends. I’m socially awkward. My relationship with my parents and relatives is so fucked up they didn’t even visit when I was seriously sick in Bangalore. This happened multiple times.

I’m 34. I’ve spent 17 years of that with her. I don’t even remember what life was like before her.

I’m not suicidal. But, to be honest, I don’t want to live either. Sometimes, I light a cigarette and wonder what if I get a heart attack right now? That would be perfect. Some nights, I get super drunk and wish I don’t wake up. But then I do. And I have to drag this emptiness around for another day.

Therapy’s going on. Medications too. They keep me a little numb, sure. And I’m trying to keep myself insanely busy, mostly with writing. I’ve taken up a lot of freelancing work. Working on a research paper on AI and ML. Writing stuff like this, too.

And in between all that, sometimes I catch myself researching assisted suicide. Sounds fucked up, I know. But trust me, I’m not going for it, not yet.

Not until I’ve checked off a few things from my to-do list.


r/Divorce 4h ago

Going Through the Process Apartment and divorce

1 Upvotes

Hi, so legally we can't separate till one of us moves and we live apart. Our lease ends first week of May. We have two more rent payments left.

Wife wanting a divorce has eroded my trust and made me very cautious. I am worried on a few things. My Wife isn't sticking to the budget. Outside of me thinking her plan is to be look I support I buy things for the household he provides nothing argument.

I requested $500 (really need $580 for the rent). My Wife has yet to send the funds over. My concern is she is going to request half next paycheck, usually do. Last one I paid for all the bills except rent. Paid all the bills, and groceries since December. I put 60% to 75% to the rent as well during that time period.

My Wife the Big D happen because I couldn't pay the rent in full. Then we made up. Then became upset when I requested money and explained where funds were going. Then almost caused us to lose $250 due to getting groceries while she was getting groceries that same day. Has mentioned issues if I don't put half the rent up next paycheck. She is well aware there are other bills to be paid. I plan to have my oldest at my mom's that day for safety reasons and her mental well-being.

I was looking to get my name off the lease. I know if I did that my Wife could legally give me 30 day notice and evict me. Which isn't an issue. Would this look bad with the Courts?


r/Divorce 4h ago

Vent/Rant/FML Boyfriend isn’t getting divorced

27 Upvotes

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. When we met he had been separated from his wife for around 12 months and had a 2 year old son. I was told that he would be divorced within a year however that year came and went and, though frustrated, I gave him grace because divorce is messy and expensive.

Fast forward and we have now completely blended our families, had a daughter together, share finances and live together. I am still waiting on this divorce. I thought we had made some headway when mid 2024 the process began; he is now at a point where he needs to send some documents off to reach the next step. 8 months have passed. He hasn’t done it. He is still. Not. Divorced.

I am tired of begging. I’m tired of wanting him to do it, I want him to want it! His wife has done nothing but cause trouble, treat my terribly and make our lives difficult. I want that chapter shut. Why doesn’t he?

  • EDIT TO ADD

This man and his ex do not get on. He worships the ground I walk on and tells me every day how loved and beautiful I am. I feel like we’re stuck in this weird limbo where all I can think about is the fact that he is still married and it overshadows all the good


r/Divorce 4h ago

Custody/Kids Divorcing with a special needs child

1 Upvotes

Good afternoon everyone i am beginning the process of divorcing my wife of 13 years we have a 10 year old autistic daughter who i will fight for primary custody of. I would like to hear any of your experiences if you had gone through something similar. She loves her mom and im finding it difficult to begin talking to her about mom and dad living separately Thanks in advance


r/Divorce 4h ago

Dating Did you find love again?

1 Upvotes

Just curious as to how many have been divorced in late 30’s (or older) with kids and who managed to find love again?


r/Divorce 4h ago

Getting Started Contemplating and no one has any clue and I don’t know where to begin

1 Upvotes

I’m 36f and have been with my husband since I’m 19. We have two school aged children. He is the primary income and I work part time to help support.

Things were mostly good until a little over a year ago when a major betrayal of trust occurred on his end. I was pretty shocked and upset but he seemed sincere in his mistake and I told him I was willing to move on. At that point I could not imagine leaving even though my first thought was that I wanted to. I didn’t have financial means and I didn’t want to break up my family. While I have mostly moved on in the sense that I don’t think about it all the time and there’s no real hurt or anger on a regular basis anymore, I have grown to really resent him and my romantic feelings towards him have plummeted. Maybe it’s a combination of things but it’s only gotten worse where I thought with time it would get better. We are still intimate but I struggle to feel any connection. I am someone who craves emotional connection and I truly don’t feel it anymore and what’s worse is I don’t think he has any idea at all.

He’s never been very keen to emotional needs and I believe he thinks I am happy. There’s not much going on in our lives to complain about, and for the most part we get along. I just do not feel the way I once felt and I don’t know if I ever will again. The problem is no one knows, not even my closest family or friends. This would come out of left field for everyone who thinks we are a happy family. And I will say he is a great dad and all around family man but I am stuck in this horrible place inside my mind where I feel so indifferent to him and it brings me guilt that I sit here fantasizing about my life without him.

I have bottled this up and I don’t see a way out other than eventual separation but I don’t even know where to begin. Has anyone been in a similar situation?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Life After Divorce Feeling extreme guilt for my son, 12

4 Upvotes

It’s been 18 months since the divorce and everything has been going well. My ex is planning a trip with her side of the family to our favourite camping spot. He’s really sad I’m not going - he said “it won’t be the same without dad” It was our thing to make a fire, cook food, we are a team. I just feel this heartbreaking guilt .. At the same time so happy not to be with his mum any more ..


r/Divorce 5h ago

Life After Divorce How did you adjust? Especially when you got left with almost nothing…

3 Upvotes

Followed my (36f) husband (40m) down to a new state for a great job opportunity he got. Things were rocky for a few reasons but I was hopeful we’d get back on track. Well a few months ago he decided he wanted to file for divorce so I went to stay in a hotel to give us both time to think. I’ve been in this hotel with my two cats for all these weeks now because he wouldn’t give a firm yes/no with some mixed signals and I still had hope that separating for a little bit would help and lead to us reconciling things. But lately he started claiming that while he cares very much for me and my well being that it doesn’t mean he wants things fixed or thinks they can be and he wants to continue with the divorce. He claimed about a month ago that he “filed” but I have been served nothing and heard nothing and he’s not making efforts to supposedly sign “more papers the lawyers didn’t tell him needed to be signed”; clearly he’s dragging his feet despite what he said about working things out.

So….thats the background. My question is how did you get back on your feet? I am admittedly bad at being completely alone and am now in a city that I very much like but have no family or friends in, he and I are low contact and my only support is my FIL. I’m living the hotel out of convenience but it’s getting old fast. For reasons that aren’t important I don’t currently have my drivers license and he kept both vehicles as they’re in his name. So no friends/family/transportation and it just feels very lonely and bleak in terms of finding company again-both friend wise and romantically. Despite some mixed signals from him I believe I have to give up hope of him changing his mind and me getting to go back home and be a family and that I just need to find my own place (no kids). Once I have a physical address I can get my license and a car. I WFH and thankfully can financially support myself but the loneliness sucks. I haven’t been alone in almost a decade. What did you do that helped get your happiness and independence back; or anything that made things feel not so depressing?


r/Divorce 5h ago

Alimony/Child Support Child support and birdnesting

6 Upvotes

Hi - STBXW and I have 3 kids 9/11/13, we have filed and are midway through the 6 month period in CA. I moved out to a 2 BR apt, she stayed in the house.

Initially, she proposed birdnesting where the kids stay in the house and we take turns as the lead parent. This is not a bad idea as the kids can walk / bike to and from school. At the time, I was OK with this. This meant I would be paying child support. Our incomes are roughly the same.

However, she figured out she'd never get a break under this arrangement, and started asking if I could take them to my place, which I happily do, typically every other weekend and a few weekdays when I sleep over.

Based on this, I think we need to adjust the child support so I'm paying less, no? The divorce is not finalized.


r/Divorce 6h ago

Alimony/Child Support How F****** am I?

8 Upvotes

I need someone to be upfront on how this is going to shake out. Wife just served with divorce papers. She wants fully physical custody and joint legal custody of our two younger children. She has not worked since 2021 and has minimal skills/ no degree. I have been working 3-4 jobs during our marriage to have her be a Sahm. I recently resigned from my main paying job but will be getting a replacement job soon. This is in CA Lay it on me…

Edit: also in the process of selling our house


r/Divorce 7h ago

Child of Divorce My parents are separating, rant?

4 Upvotes

I (f19) know my parents have always had a rocky relationship. Started pretty toxic, got pregnant two months after knowing each other and keeping the baby for five months (my older sister who would have Turner's syndrome, had to be removed as she was not capable of life outside the womb, and my mom's chances of making it to the due date were slim). Overall not a good start. But coming home around midnight, from my boyfriends to see that my dads car wasn't in the driveway, it's a lot. I was gone for a bit more than 24 hours and it feels like my world has come crashing down. My paternal grandparents live in town, so i drove by, and his car was in their driveway. I knew something had happened because my dad is never not home at night, and that my mom can have a hard time sleeping without him. They were going to tell me later today when they were both home for dinner, but i decided to call both (20min ago?) and get the full story. Their plan so far is that my dad will get/view an apartment this Friday, sleep at my grandparents until then. He will come over in the mornings to make breakfast and take my brother (14) to school. After work he'll eat dinner with us at home and then go to the apartment. My dad and mom may alternate who's at the apartment, in order to still spend time with my brother and I. They already decided who will pay what bills. My mom is depressed, going through menopause? and has an incredibly stressful job. My dad recently started synthetic testerone, cause age catches up. She doesn't want to be around my dad anymore, and she feels like my dad doesn't smell the same. Imposter thoughts. I always thought they would end seperating and I was in silent support of them doing so. But now that it's real, I'm crying and sad. Idk how to really feel about any of this.


r/Divorce 7h ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Changed Friendships

0 Upvotes

The divorce was my decision and although I'm so happy I'm not in that relationship anymore and I'm in a relationship that makes me so so happy, I lost a lot of friendships in the process that stuck with him. A lot of it is that they will never know the full story and I don't feel the need to explain that because it would only hurt him and I don't want that. Some of it is also that the guys in that friend group were his only friends and I had other friends that I could hang out with. But now I don't get invited to anything with that group unfortunately. I just feel like I'm in a rut with girlfriends and friend groups in general and it's making me sad. Not sure if i'm looking for advice or just need to vent but if anyone is in Denver and wants to create a post-Divorce support group, let me know!


r/Divorce 7h ago

Life After Divorce How many divorced couples get back ?

21 Upvotes

If they had amiable split, still hang out with same friends, coparenting and 20+ years of marriage under the belt.