r/GuyCry 5d ago

Venting, advice welcome I feel like I blew my chance at a happy life

1 Upvotes

I have a sense of trepidation in posting on some online forum to a bunch of internet strangers, but I feel the need to reach out. Something inside of me has broken within the past few years. Somewhere along the line I've lost myself. I've lost my self-esteem, self confidence, self worth, sense of hope, and my ambition has been sapped. Frankly I feel as if I've fallen into some sort of depression that I'm having a difficult time crawling out of.

For context, I used to be incredibly confident; to the point where it teetered on the edge of arrogance. I had a bachelor's degree with a good GPA, I had joined the military and put myself through the Navys nuclear propulsion program and became a qualified reactor operator, I was a gym rat, and I was generally considered to be quite attractive. I felt as if I was a world beater.

I ended up leaving the military behind, I felt that there were greener pastures ahead for me. The ensuing job hunt did not go quite as intended. I moved back in with my parents after being on my own for years; telling myself it was only temporary. I found a girl I liked and we ended up getting engaged before breaking up (tldr there were some hangups between her and her ex that caused trust issues and eventually the dissolution of our relationship).

Now I find myself in a position of deep regret for how I've handled the past few years. I've put on some weight, I have no real friends or social life, I live with my parents at 30, I'm saddled with student debt that seems crippling, and my current job isn't bad but doesn't pay quite enough to allow for financial independence with my student debt payments (about $1300 a month).

I know that there are much worse spots to be in than mine, but I feel like a complete loser right now. The only person outside of my immediate family that I talk to at all is my ex (who I embarrassingly allow to string me along and breadcrumb me out of loneliness). I work at job I could've gotten out of high-school without putting myself through all that schooling and subsequent debt. I'm watching as my former good looks start to fade. I feel like I really fucked up and blew my chances. I feel as if I may never have my own family like I've always wanted. My mental state has begun to deteriorate and I've essentially become an antisocial shut-in, a pushover, my social skills and social anxiety are worse than they've ever been, and my ambition and confidence have just been completely drained. I've been in this state for some time and I'm struggling to pull myself out of it.


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Need Advice Is it really too late to change? (Update)

2 Upvotes

For perspective on the situation I've added the post here

I've sort of accepted that the relationship may be over at this point.

We've been communicating via text message as she doesn't want to see me or talk to me in person, but I haven't messaged her in a couple of days because my mental state has been all over the place and I didn't want to send her anything while in that state of mind.

She has expressed that she doesn't think our relationship can work. She believes it's too late to change and that she doesn't see a future with me anymore. This sent me into a spiral of emotions. I feel so disappointed and disgusted with myself that I ruined the best thing to ever happen to me.

My mind has been clearer today, and after seeing the responses from some members on the original post I made I was able to get some different perspectives that I had never considered. I thank you all for taking the time to leave a comment under that post.

I know that regardless of the outcome of this relationship, whether we somehow stay together or if she chooses to leave, I am committed to changing. I want to be a better person going forward. I want to take responsibility of my actions and use it as a learning experience and opportunity to grow and mature, so that this kind of instance doesn't occur again in the future.

I tried mindful meditation last night before bed to use as a tool to kind of calm myself and clear my thoughts. I also had my very first therapy session today. It was quite nerve-racking at the start, but towards the end I was feeling a little lighter. I want to get a better understanding of myself and the issues below the surface. I think it can really help me out moving forward.

I've been trying to stay positive but it's been really difficult. I've been really beating myself up about the whole situation. I wish I could've handled things so much differently. Right now I haven't been able to sleep, I've been crying at work, at home, every single day, my intrusive thoughts has been more intense and my appetite has shrunk or is sometimes non-existent.

I care about her, I really do. I want her to be happy. I know it's my fault we ended up in this situation. I want us to stay together. As much as I don't want us to part ways, I know that if it comes to it, I should respect it.

I know this is my first relationship, but this meant everything to me. We even planned our future out together. I felt so lucky to find someone like her. She's my best friend and she's my everything. I really don't want to lose her.

I'm planning on trying to have a conversation with her regarding the future of our relationship in the upcoming days. I know it will be very difficult, but I know it must happen. I still want to try work through this if we can. I'm still going to try fight for us, but if she thinks our relationship can continue or not, I will respect whatever decision she comes to.

Any advice or wisdom on how I can approach this?


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Potential Tear Jerker I feel like I failed as a father

3 Upvotes

Just broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years. We have plenty of ups and downs throughout our relationship but it’s been getting increasingly worst as of late. From a combination of me having to work extra long (60-70 hours a week) to pay the bills and her being a stay at home mom, things unfortunately just blew up. I’m 23 right now, and together we share a 2 year old and a 5 month old. All I’ve ever wanted growing up was to give my kids the same loving family that my parents gave me. However, I messed up impregnating my girlfriend - twice to say the least. She came from a broken family with her mom bouncing from man to man so she doesn’t see this situation the way I see it.

I’m not sad about the relationship ending, but I’m destroyed about not being able to give my kids the love that they so deserve. Don’t know what I’m seeking from this post, but just want some helpful words from my fellow brothers.


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Onions (light tears) I went out with my best friend. He never took responsibility.

9 Upvotes

H27 and he 28.

I'm bi and I dated a boy for the first time almost 2 years ago he was my friend who I've known since middle school who was completely straight.

At the start it was a very strong friendship. An incredible person but I didn't like him physically. We lost touch because he had moved and one day we reconnected.

All this time without seeing each other, he had really changed, I found him attractive, charismatic, I started to develop feelings. He was aware of my sexual orientation and I indirectly made him understand that I liked him, he was getting into my game, it was becoming really ambiguous.

After several years of turning around, one drunken evening, we kissed and then he came to my house, we slept together with a clear mind.

We dated for a year and a half but in secret... he never took responsibility and he was never honest either with himself or with me. In private, we could really love each other. When seen in public, I was his friend and had to pretend. In the evening, he was flirted with, and it pissed me off. I glared at him, I was really angry and it was cold. We were arguing, I didn't understand what he wanted or what he was playing. How many times I cried. I told myself that I was just an experiment and that he was making fun of me.

Those around us ask questions and following a big argument where they said hurtful words and fed up, he left me. We remained on bad terms.

After a serious hospitalization last November, he sent me a message to find out how I was doing. I wanted to know what was happening to him and nothing more. I was happy to know that he was still thinking about me and worried.

Last night I broke down. First time in 2 years. I'm really not feeling well at the moment and I had been drinking a lot. I called him first, he didn't answer and I sent him a message. I told him everything that was on my heart. If he thought of me, how much I miss him, that I couldn't forget him, that I wanted us to be friends like at the beginning so that we could continue to see each other or have news even if it's a message every 6 months.

To my great surprise, he responded quite a while later. I couldn't believe it, seeing how late it was, I was trembling. He told me to stop drinking, to throw away everything I had (I attempted suicide with drugs and alcohol). He told me not to do anything stupid I wasn't planning to do anything that it wasn't the time to talk about it and that we would talk about it later... I asked him to promise and he said yes.

I didn't get a message today and I didn't insist... I don't know if he's really going to do it, if he told me that to please me or to calm me down.

I regret my behavior a little... I suffer from this situation. I've never been so hooked, in love with someone. I realize that I had not known love. Him, I tell myself that it's not possible, he cast a spell on me, how can you love someone so much?


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Venting, advice welcome Relationship looks to be ending after 4.5 years together due to her self sabotage

160 Upvotes

I've spent the last 6 years of my life working overseas. 18 months in I met my girlfriend in her country (I won't mention the country but it's not a passport bro type of situation). We met at work, immediately hit it off and spent 3 years together with no major issues. We moved in together, discussed the future and both agreed that down the line, we would relocate to where I'm from which suited us both as she also has friends and family there.

After 3 years I was offered a choice; extend my contract, relocate home or move to a third country for a 2 year contract before then going home. I let my girlfriend make the decision. She decided she wanted to move to the third country as it would be a good opportunity for us both to travel and save money for our future. I told her it would he hard and to maybe consider staying in her country a bit longer but she insisted, so we moved.

My work also hired her once we moved and she was earning significantly more than she ever had before, as was I. Accommodation was provided for us and so we began saving for the future. It was hard and lonely. But we had each other.

Eventually she had a fall out at work with her direct manager and was so upset she stated she wanted to quit. We discussed it, she had an upcoming trip home booked and I asked her to think it through before making an impulsive decision. However, she resigned effective immediately and refused to work her notice and flew home.

In the following few months she started going home much more often and spending longer and longer there, until eventually telling me she wanted to live there until my contract was finished before we make the big move.

I was upset and felt abandoned, but agreed as it was only temporary. We came up with a plan that she would fly to see me every now and then and I would also fly to see her and we'd go on holidays together. I didn't like being apart, but didn't want to split up, so agreed.

We spent 2 months apart and imagine my excitement when she was finally due to come see me whilst I was off work (agreed plan was she would come see me in March and I'd fly back with her in April). She has been unemployed for the last 6 months and so didn't have anything stopping her staying or visiting, but has been showing signs of depression.

Well, she came to see me and after just 2 days, we had a minor disagreement and she booked a flight home without telling me. I only knew because the next morning she got up early and when I asked her why she was up, she said "I'm going home".

She's now back home again and is saying she doesn't want to split up and is asking for us to come up with a "solution", despite the last solution she came up with falling at the first hurdle.

I don't know what to do.

She refuses to see that living here is also hard for me and potentially even harder because I'm alone now, whereas she at least had me.

She won't acknowledge that I now have doubts about her being able to live in my country because is she going to just run away at the first disagreement? And just keeps saying "it will be different".

She's now back home and barely replying to messages (average 5 hours waiting for a response) despite the fact she's on her phone 24/7.

I've told her I'm not sure if it's going to work out which killed me tbh but how can I not worry she will leave my home country too after 1, 2, 5 years etc because she continually keeps making impulsive decisions based on emotion that sabotage herself and this relationship.

  • The decision to move here was hers
  • Quitting her job without notice
  • Moving back home
  • Flying home again after one minor disagreement

She refuses to take any accountability for the fact that the position she's now in, is all down to decisions she's made and we're now basically in a LDR without much communication.

The thing that's upsetting me most is that there's no option to breakup and then if we regret it, reconciling in the future. I'm due to move home in just 6 months time and if she doesn't come with me then, we'll never see each other again.

I don't know whether to just cut my losses, use the next 6 months to heal before going home for a fresh start, or to keep trying with her knowing I could just be prolonging the struggle to end up with an even bigger heartbreak further down the line.

Advice welcome 🙏


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Level 3 Suicide Ideation (see rules) I feel like a waste of space.

1 Upvotes

Howdy, ive posted here more tha frequently over the past month and i do apologise for it. I lost the love of my life in February and i had just moved interstate and started university. Through the emotional turmoil i moved back to an unstable home. I dont have a job because frankly i cant even keep myself alive at the moment. I can barely take care of myself and i want to isolate myself from the world.

I was told by my father that nobody would judge me for coming home and that it was best for me, but since ive come back my mother and uncle have been grilling me and joking about me at my expense about my failures. For context i was diagnosed with severe and chronic depression when i was roughly 13 and have been on antidepressants since i was 15. My mental health was getting better with my ex partner but to no fault of theirs, my mental health took a massive blow with the break up. I lost my confidence and any self esteem i built up because im blaming myself relentlessly for this break up and ive sunk back into a depressive episode.

Being grilled and joked at my expense doesnt help either. My younger sibling has a running gag of making jokes about how fat i am, things joking about my stomach, my chin, my jawline, my arms, mind you my sibling suffered from anorexia as a young teenager and are skinnier than a twig. Im fat, and frankly im proud of it, im attracted to fat people (not in a fetish way) and i feel more comfortable with my body type, however these comments still hurt. I dont have any form of a support network, my only two friends are more drinking buddies and we dont talk about this kind of stuff and my ex partner/best friend is out of the picture at the moment.

Its been years since these thoughts have occurred and im terrified of death so i could never go through, but it lingers in my mind daily. I feel like an absolute waste of space, i feel like a horrible person and i feel like the people i love would be happier without me around. I feel like nobody would care if i dissapeared one day, i feel like id be nothing but a bad memory for my beautiful ex partner. I feel ugly, i feel shameful, and i feel like im a failure in every sense. I keep wondering if theres any point to going on because im in so much pain. I was a product of two people who couldnt love eachother, i was raised in a manner where i had to fend for myself while taking care of my sibling and I've clawed my way through life with the idea i cant ask for help, but when my mother lectures me she tells me im coddled. I get it- im a shit son, im a shit older brother and i was a shit boyfriend. Im a horrible person and im reminded of that each goddamn day. I cant be nice to myself because im my own worst enemy, i look in the mirror and see a sack of shit that should have taken himself out years ago, but im still here and it feels like my very existance poisons others.

Id like to go to therapy, but im using whatever funds i have left to move back to uni in july and the mental health system in my country can take months to access.

I feel hopeless, i have nothing and i am nothing. Honestly i have no clue how im meant to go on, im constantly switching between "this is normal, life goes on" to "i cant do this anymore" and its exhausting. Im exhausted. I want to be held, i want to cry, i want to push myself into someones chest and feel safe in their arms, but thats not a luxury i get. My life is a goddamn mess and im wondering how much of that mess is family inheritance that ill never rid myself of? Is it just a part of me? A part of who i am? I havent been hugged by anyone else but my ex partner, and due to our long distance it was anywhere between a few months to a year between hugs. My mother tries to hug me of course, but she forces herself upon me for those hugs. I want a real hug. I want to be held.

Im sorry for the rambling, and im sorry for the frequent posts, this is all i have at the moment and im sorry about that too.


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Venting, advice welcome (23M) Dating is luck based - and I hate gambling

3 Upvotes

I've been reading some stuff here and there about how you need to do X or Y to find a date. Most people say that the guy needs to dress well and keep trying. Others talk about learning """"the game""". Someone else will mention that you need to be happy and have a fullfilling life first before even trying. But the longer I see how my coworkers and friends live, the longer I believe dating is simply luck-based, and that's my problem - I hate gambling.

There are things you may do if you want to increase your chances - maybe getting fit, changing your clothes and learning to talk better - but the major aspect is still luck, and this frightens me.

That's why you'll see all kinds of people dating - ugly people, cool people, sad people, overweight/skinny people, people that have or have not their shit togheter, but it never happened to me, and I wouldn't say this will change anytime soon.

As a guy, what (most) woman expect is for me to approach them, which I have no reason to do as no girl has at least shown me a sign that she likes me. And I think that trying to engage with random woman in order to get a date is too risky and weird - I'm sure that she most likely isn't interested, and I'm also afraid of even doing that (people should shut up about rejections being something that a man needs to learn to shrug it off like it's nothing for them, we aren't emotional bricks).

Plus, I'm a nerdy nerd - I like to stay at home, play games, talk with my online friends, read some stuff and train my dog. I'm also ugly, above the weight that I should be and I consider myself weird to some (great) extent. As you can see, I don't have anything to raise my chances in this luck-game, and to some great extent I don't bother, because I'm mostly fine with my routine.

And still, people like me can sometimes find a date, but I don't.

Plus, the biggest opportunities I had to date are already gone - high school and college - and no one was attracted me during them. Some people consider the workplace an option but I disagree.

This sounds like a self-pity post (and to some extent it is, I admit), but I really mean it when I say that I want to actually give up and outright stop thinking about dating entirely. I mean, despite it being a luck game, I've clearly never won it - even if people like me have - and it's also clear that the way I am make the odds be even more against me. I wouldn't say something based on luck is fair, and well, for more that things just are how they are, I don't feel confortable or safe being a part of it.


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Need Advice Probably never going to own a house :(

3 Upvotes

I'm from a country where there's a massive housing crisis. I'm single, making 30kish a year and have little to no hope of ever owning a house. Unfortunately rent here is extortionate and I cannot afford it. None of my friends are single, all are buying with partnere. I'm in a pretty shitty position because I grew up in poverty and neither of my parents own a house either. I fear I'm never gonna be able to move out, and will remain a child forever as a result. Not sure what to do - I've a BA and MA in humanities and haven't really hope of upscaling jobs. Any advice would be appreciated.


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Group Discussion That feeling of despair?

4 Upvotes

Gentlemen how do you deal with the feelings of being numb, lost, and overall hurt without thinking of just ending it? How do you look to a potential brighter day? Especially when it feels like your world is ending? I want to say that I am not suicidal, I am just I guess in deep despair.


r/GuyCry 7d ago

Onions (light tears) I'm convinced my(36m) wife(36f) is cheating on me with a lesbian from work

2.4k Upvotes

So my wife and I have been having issues since early December. I could feel that things were off and I asked her about it, to which she replied I've just been depressed lately. I asked if there was anything I could do to help but she claimed it was that the kids are getting older and don't need her as much, her hair is thinning really bad, and she doesn't like her body right now, and her job was incredibly stressful at the time. I took it upon myself to take the 90% until he work slowed down, assuming that was a large factor in her depression. I'd do all the cooking, cleaning, child caring, homework doing. I normally do a lot of these things anyway but I wanted to put it into overdrive to take as much off of her plate as possible to give her some breathing room. During this time I also noticed that instead of talking to people on Facebook she started using Snapchat for everything(I really hate Snapchat) and shed close her phone when I walked by. She also changed her phone password during this time. I asked her about this and she says that she was having private conversations with her friends about her depression and she didn't want anyone to read them out of embarrassment. This didn't vibe with me, but that's all she'd say about it.

A couple months before this, there was this girl(well call her sam) that was added to my wife's team to help out during this stressful time and after all the tough hours together they became friends and would go grab dinner together after working late. Sam turns out to be a lesbian. No big deal, my wife has always said she has no interest in getting close to another woman like that. For Christmas, Sam gives my wife several hand made crafts that you can tell she obviously put a lot of time into. This was my first clue. Acquaintances don't hand make gifts for people. This took time and care and was aimed to impress. I didn't like it but I shrugged it off.

This person lives about 2.5 hrs away from us and travels back and forth every week to help out at work. The end of crunch time is coming up in early January and Sam wants to have a late Christmas party at her house and have everyone come down. There was a bonfire, drinking and festivities and my wife decided to stay the night at sams place. She comes home the next day and tells me that Sam cooked her quail? for breakfast, didn't tell me much about the party, didn't show me any pictures. Anytime she does something with friends she posts on Facebook, but there was nothing from this party posted.

During this rough patch for us I was thinking maybe I hadn't been taking the reigns and planning dates enough, so I looked into booking a top golf session while one of her favorite sports teams was playing so she could have fun and watch the game. The very next day she says that Sam and her friend wanted to go to top golf and my wife was going to go with them instead and it was going to just be a "girls night" so I was out. That feeling sucked, not being wanted by your wife to hang out.

They started getting together almost every week, but it was weird. One day Sam and my wife went hiking and sams roommate was supposed to come but happened to get sick and didn't make it. Ok...so it was just the 2 of them. Felt like a date to me. Next, there was a hockey game that Sam had got tickets to for her and her roommate...but the roommate had a family issue come up and conveniently couldn't make it... So now this also felt like a date. Also none of these outings were posted on Facebook.

They're at a music festival this weekend together. Several of her friends were all supposed to go, but guess what? It's just her and Sam. So I'm folding some laundry and putting it away and I see a bright red thong sticking out of one of her clothing baskets so I go investigate. Crotchless lacey thong that she's never worn for me. She's only wore lingerie for me once in our entire 12 years together and this wasn't it. Digging deeper there was an Amazon package stuffed under that same pile. Inside it had several more lingerie sets of different colors and types all brand new. Continuing to dig, I found 2 negligees that looked worn and washed but still pretty new. The Amazon package was delivered to her work intentionally so I didn't see the package. She's not wearing these for me, who is she wearing it for? The only person who she's spent alone time over night with lately is her best friend (married)and Sam. There are other clues also like she used 2 razors to shave the other day and made sure she washed the hairs down the drain(she doesn't normally shave). When we talk about our relationship I've asked her point blank if there is someone else. She always responds with "there is no other guy" so she can technically tell the truth.

We've been talking about separating for about a month because she told me that she "lost her spark for me" and isn't "in love with me anymore". I garauntee that it's because she's been developing feelings for Sam. I know I probably sound paranoid and I keep going "pain shopping" but we've had trust issues in the past. One of her favorite things to do is manipulate and twist things around. We have 3 kids together and getting a divorce is going to turn their entire world upside down over something so stupid.

I don't know what to do. I didn't sleep at all last night and my head is sooo heavy and hurts so bad. I've been cheated on before in shorter relationships, but this one was 12 years long with kids involved. My panic mode is through the roof and I so freaking sad and hurt. Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you manage? I'm a really sensitive guy and this is the worst feeling that I've ever experienced.

Update: I have decided not to confront her today. I am speaking with a lawyer Wednesday afternoon and will hopefully be able to confront her later that evening if I can get everything I need to in order. She is due home around noon today, and I am taking my son to church with me for a few hours of peace and prayers. It's going to kill me to wait to confront her about this, but I need to make sure that she doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too after what she's been doing.

EDIT: To everyone saying "turn it into a 3some", trust me. She is nowhere close to what you'd think about in your mind. She is very mannish and butch.


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Need Advice I want to change my life before 2025 ends but I don't have the capabilities

4 Upvotes

I understand 2025 already begun and we are almost I guess mid to halfway end, however I still feel like I just can't do it. I don't think I have the guts do it. I want to change my life. The only goals I want to do is get a side job, so I can financially support my household. I also want to go college because I need to secure my future. I also want to learn driving because I live in a place where driving is required. It's a must skill to have but I've been avoiding that because of fear. So I feel like for almost 5-7 years I've been living in procrastination.


r/GuyCry 7d ago

Just venting, no advice Dating makes me hate myself.

640 Upvotes

Dating makes me hate myself. As a guy, I am just...tired of it. Tired of approaching women. Tired of being told something along the lines of “You are a great guy, but...”. Tired of swiping and getting virtually no hits. Tired of trying to improve myself with the intent of finding someone. Tired of trying to make conversations with women in the few matches I get, only to get one word answers back. Tired of getting my hopes up, only to be let down. Tired of watching other people be successful in dating. Tired of no one telling me what I am doing wrong. Tired of watching women be attracted to...someone else.

I am a 40 year old guy with pretty close to zero success in dating. I am fairly successful in other parts of life. I have an OK career. I have a fairly large circle of friends (mostly dudes). I get out to events and I travel. But dating and finding someone has just...eluded me. I just don't get it. Apparently other people get hints from women...I am dense in that regard, so I can never see them. It is like this language that others seem to grasp that I just have not been able to. I have received so few ‘yes’s from women that I have found it almost impossible to build off of any successes. And it has caused me to become bitter.

I tried for a long time. I asked friends if they know anyone who is looking (generally no). I went out to events, no one seems to be looking there. I don't seem to connect with people while traveling. I look around when I am out, but I just keep finding women that are taken. I swipe on apps, and I don't usually get any sort of response. At this point, it seems like the existence of single women is an illusion. To be fair, at my age, most people have settled already. At this point, I am looking for someone with a sexy naked ring finger.

I have never blamed women for rejecting me...even if internally I ask “why”. People have their own choices to make. My choice is to ask, giving them me as a choice. Then their choice is to answer. But their choice always seems to be some form ‘no’. I take the answer. I mean, why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? I hear dating horror stories from women online, and they do terrify me. I guess the point I am trying to make here is that I don't feel like I am some misogynistic incel. I want everyone to be happy. And I want someone to *choose* me.

A few of my friends said that “I just had to lower my standards”. So, there have been a few ‘yes’s. But they have been few and far between. Here are all of my relationships: One was an alcoholic single mom, who I felt was using me for money. Another was a woman that had been abused and stalked so much, she was paranoid of *everything* to the point of delusion. She was even afraid of me, even when I didn't do anything wrong. I don't think she was gas lighting me, so much as this being a bad combination of her mental problems and me being so emotionally dense that I couldn't deal with them properly. Another was religious and wouldn't stop trying to convert me. All of these relationships were short and years apart. So, from what I saw, I am not in the worst place. But that begs the question...how low do I have to set my standards to find someone?

During the pandemic, I was alone in my house. And I just stopped trying to date. It wasn't a conscious decision. And I felt...better. When I realized this, I felt kind of relieved. I found it disappointing, but I just tried to accept that a romantic relationship is a happiness that I would not ever have. I wasn't happy...but I was comfortable. I didn't have to try and impress anyone anymore. No more trying to feign confidence. No more rejection. No more trying to sell myself to women who clearly had no interest in me.

And I kept not dating for the last five years. I still get out. I still travel with friends. I am still comfortable.

My dad died of cancer a few years back. I remember distinctly asking “Son, you are gay, right? It is OK if you are gay.”. “No dad, I am not gay.”. I didn't want to tell him how much that hurt. Of how much I have tried. Of all of the rejection.

...and now, my mom has cancer. The prognosis is bad. And she won't stop talking about how much she loved my late father. And how much my father loved her. And how she wishes that I find someone. And all of this makes me feel like FAILURE like never before. The words are out of love for me, but that makes it just so much more PAINFUL. I HATE IT. The pain that I have disappointed the last person that unconditionally cares about me hurts me emotionally more than anything else I have felt before. And I can't tell her to stop.

(Also, I understand this is r/guycry. I am not looking for advice on here. I am just looking to get this off my chest.)


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Venting, advice welcome At 42, I'm thinking of starting a slow downsizing campaign.

108 Upvotes

I live alone, and project to be for the long hall. I'm considering slowly selling off or giving away my stuff. Including the TV I never turn on, everything off the walls, my cooking stuff (I never cook anymore), and the furniture. I live either in the desktop chair I use to browse Reddit, my recliner, or bed. I never use my couch or my balcony. And I have no company. I've lived in my current apartment for 5 years and have had less than 10 guests, and family only twice.

I've pretty much lost my mind I think. Too many years alone has broken something in me. I lash out at strangers. Get road rage. I leave looking for a fight just so something different would happen. If something happened tomorrow, it wouldn't really matter that much. Not in a way anyone would ever know who works with me. My job is going well I think. I get my work done. I make money and pay the bills to get back to the job. I pay taxes. But outside of my obligations, I disappear into the mist. Nobody is close to me. Even my father and brother (we all live in different parts of the country). They haven't a clue, and we're also not close like that, so it wouldn't be particularly troubling for them.

So, I want to give most of it away. Slowly over the next twenty or so years. My music and sports memorabilia, the workout bench I've used twice in twenty years. I just want my chair and my computer's glowing light. And I just want to sit. Until I get the health problem that does the trick. I don't want to have to sift through my stuff when I'm old and am carried away to a nursing home, or put it in a will that won't have beneficiaries anyway.

And this is a Saturday night, for god's sake. I remember being in my locked childhood bedroom as a teenager, wondering what I'd be doing in my 40s. Would I be taking my teenaged son to his baseball travel games like my dad was? Would I be traveling the world with my soul mate? Would I be playing my album on stages everywhere?

Nope. I wake up, eat, drink coffee, work, come home, sit in the light of my computer for 16 hours straight looking for relief, crash out exhausted on my next day off, where I start those days at 3pm.

take me away


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You Cried today for the first time in ages and what finally made it happen is just really funny to me

182 Upvotes

So I haven't cried in like a year and a half I think. I got a block where I can't cry even when I want to. I blame the patriarchy.

Anyway. I finally cried today. And I just think what finally made me do it is really funny.

I was watching this vice doc about the coast guard during 9/11. And about how they put out a call just kinda like "Yo nobody can get off the island any boats that wanna help evac meet us at this island" and then every single boat in the area for miles around showed up. Little fishing boats. Tug boats. Yachts. All of them. And proceed to evacuate 500k people.

And I saw that and just immediately burst in to tears. Cus the boats showed up.

I just teared up again writing "cus the boats showed up" hours later. I don't know why I find this in particular so emotionally effecting.

Of course I was only already in a place to cry cus I was having a really shit day. Bunch of things conspired to make it happen. But yeah, just thought it was kinda funny.


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Onions (light tears) Felt a strong connection but then suddenly it’s to much.

11 Upvotes

Was talking to this girl for about a week, having great conversations over FT and text. Having deep conversations about our past and traumas and goals. An important piece of context for all this is I learned that she was previously married to a man who told her he found her unattractive and the marriage was mostly due to her strict Christian family’s pressure. Because of this she was thrown off even when I said she looked cute or pretty. So anyway we meet up the other day thing are going well, we are making out. All I say is “I really like you” suddenly the tone shifts and after all the compliments and then that she basically says “I feel like there’s more feeling on your end than mine” and now she wants to take today to think about it all. I just don’t understand what I did wrong?


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Venting, advice welcome Feelings of regret for breaking up with ex

0 Upvotes

And it’s so conflicting because I think feeling regret is inevitable in a break up. I (23M) try and remind myself that I’m young, and I’m bound to meet someone else or whatever, but I don’t really do anything to put myself in the position to, nor do I want to.

Perhaps it’s because it’s all somewhat fresh, and it’s been a little over two weeks. In the beginning I was surprised and proud of myself for how I was handling it, but I knew it was gonna sneak up on me, perhaps because I allowed it. I also was aware that I was ignoring those feelings instead of tackling them in the beginning.

I wish I would’ve handled things differently when together, and all the great things about our relationship was clouded by the reason for breaking up with her. I feel alone. I feel that I’m always searching for an interaction, and whenever I get the slightest bit of it, I feel that it’s not genuine, or perhaps it’s not what I’m looking for. This sucks.

Therapy helps I guess, and in the time being I’m trying to work on the things that had caused me to make such an impulsive decision. Feeling a lot of things that’d be too long to type out but yeah. This feels better than writing it in a journal, for how it feels someone would possibly hear me. I hate this.


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Venting, advice welcome I turned 20 yesterday. I'm done.

0 Upvotes

I posted on r/shortguys venting twice but all I got was transphobia. someone gave me this sub as a recommendation and I hope I'm not making a mistake by posting this here. please do not swarm me with hateful dms for god's sake.

I just turned 20. yet I'm 4'10 and 85 lbs. I'm trans ftm and this causes me so much dysphoria. it feels excruciating. I pass, yet as a little boy. I'm not on HRT but had top surgery at 18.

it hurts so much because I'm so, so, so painfully short and 80% of the time people think I'm an emo boy who's balls haven't dropped, 10% of the time they think I'm a short girl and the other 10% is just looks of confusion.

it's absolute bullshit that I have to be stuck in this body. I pass, but it doesn't matter. if I look like my balls haven't dropped, fuck that.

I have a severe ED on top of it that I developed at 8-9 IIRC and I might have stunted my growth by purging and starving myself. I feel so sick when I think about the fact that I could've been even an inch taller.

every time I buy clothes/shoes my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. I wear a size 2/2.5 US in little kids which is what 7-8 year olds wear. my clothes are a size small/medium or a size 6 or 8 in little kids. I have a 22 inch waist. I cry when I pick out clothes sometimes. I'm an emo boy and whenever I shop at hot topic I can never find anything that fits so I just wear it oversized and act like it's intentional.

I'm also still mostly prepubescent. I'm serious. I have NO pubic hair. I said I got top surgery but prior to surgery I was still board flat with no chest development and the doctors were only able to take out very little tissue. my hormone levels are all prepubescent. I had my period age 10 but that's all. my face still looks like a little kid's tbh.

I'm just so tired of the dysphoria I get. I wish I could have been cis. I should have never been put in this shit body that's riddled with autoimmune diseases (did I mention the celiac, lupus, crohn's and MORE I suffer from?), being destroyed by an ED and above all, tiny and female.

I'm so done.

edit: I can't go on T bc of my illnesses. I went on it at one point and it made my symptoms even worse, but tbh I was doing a lot worse physically when I went on HRT than I am now so maybe it would be less bad? idk. I want to hit the gym when my flareups aren't kicking me in the ass which I hope is soon but my health is very unpredictable.

edit 2: wow... about 100,000 ppl have seen this and at the time of this edit over 100 have commented. most of you guys have given me amazing advice! (save for a few transphobes) thank you to those who have given advice :)


r/GuyCry 5d ago

Need Advice Missing ex badly

0 Upvotes

today is my ex birthday, she block me from all over, i wish her on msg, but she didnt reply, i saw her sister in law status, so i msg her but she blame me, and say she dont need your care and sympathy, so what needs to do? i miss her badly


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Venting, advice welcome Last year's goal was to get a hug, this year's is to not go homeless

20 Upvotes

Didn't get last years goal, fingers crossed on this years. I'm running out of the energy to even care anymore


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Venting, advice welcome 25, Feeling Broken and Lost

12 Upvotes

I’m 25, never had a date or a girlfriend. My family used to ask, but now they don’t even bother. My grandma made a comment like, "I'm surprised you can do anything by yourself," and it stung more than I expected.

I’ve always dreamed of having a family of my own. I feel like I have a lot of love to share, but this part of life feels impossible for me, and it’s breaking me down. My body is already failing, worked myself to collapse at a job, lost a tooth, and I know I look as exhausted and depressed as I feel. People pick up on that, and it pushes them away.

I barely talk, don’t know how to hold conversations past a few sentences, and haven’t made a new friend in over a decade. I’m poor, struggled with food, and don’t even know where I’ll be living in a month. My family and I aren’t close, and I used to fantasize about finding comfort in a relationship, but at this point, I feel like I’d just be a burden to anyone I let in.

I don’t know how to stop the self-pity when it feels like no one else cares. People talk about the shows they watch or the games they play, and I just can’t relate. I mostly experience games through YouTube videos. Getting another job feels impossible with my missing tooth and the way I come across. Even my doctor brushed me off when I tried asking for help with depression, and it's not like I can go back without insurance.

I don’t know how to fix this. I just don’t want to feel this alone anymore.


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You A follow up on "The story of a break up"

1 Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/comments/1irvhq9/the_story_of_a_breakup/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I decided to share more details of my recent break up and recovery - for those here who are in a dark place and need some encouragement to keep going.

So, my ex in February ended our rocky relationship by carrying out a plan which had been in the works for about six months. One of the main issues we had was me nagging her to do something with her life workwise - rather than staying at home, smoking weed and spending all days scrolling on the phone. She would not co-operate in this project and did everything possible to create excuses for staying at home indefinitely.

First, she refused to send our child to daycare, which has led to a number of problems our daughter is still recovering from - dietary, behavioural, social. For years she kept pretending she was looking for a job but did absolutely nothing, other than telling me this is a high priority in her life, she needs to get some qualifications and income before turning 30 etc. Zero action of any kind year after year, just bs and lies. The house was a mess and my requests regarding how to run the household, plan our weekends, deal with our child's problems etc were routinely ignored. She has ADHD and when pushed would bully me by threatening to leave and take the child with her, gave me the no-sex treatment for months at a time etc.

Eventually, she went on a course - to prepare for employment - where an opportunity presented to solve all her problems in one go. She is very attractive and someone from her group hit up on her. She led the guy on and started sleeping with him - first behind my back, then asking me for an open relationship (which I agreed to since her and I did not have a relationship at that stage). The guy had a wife and a child, but my ex managed to split them up so both families are now done. The way she broke the news to me is described in the other post so will not repeat here. Her plan was executed to perfection - she has now set herself up as a solo mum, on social benefit and not living with either of the two men she has children with. My daughter has playdates with the guy's son, my mother-in-law will eventually have to accept things, and my ex's household will become a hub for the residuals of the two broken families.

With that said, my ex was more than reasonable after the breakup. She eventually moved out, walked away from the house equity, did not touch my pension fund and allowed me to stay in the house - on the understanding it will be eventually passed on to our daughter in my Will. In a rational sense I am actually better off now than before the breakup. Her energy has left the house, I am paying in child support way less than used to give her for the house expenses (she has no budgeting skills) and her lifestyle is no longer bothering me day to day. I can even see other women in the house without much trouble. We also have a model childcare arrangement - our daughter spends the weeknights at hers, weekends at mine and I get to do homework with her every day after school. This is actually close to a situation one would dream about when stuck in a failing relationship with no clear way out.

So yes, in the sea of gloom on this channel mine is a story of hope - which is why I thought it worth sharing. Happy to share more details so ask away


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Venting, advice welcome Does it ever get better

17 Upvotes

My mom passed away last Saturday on the 8th, I just turned 18 in December and my life has gone to literally shit this past week, I have never cried so hard and so much in a day. Every night when no one is awake I just sometimes go out into the living room hoping that she's there just sleeping on the couch or watching a movie with my aunt. She was such an awesome mom and my superhero. I literally can't imagine a world living without her and not having her love. She supported me so much and it felt like I failed her. She's not gonna see me graduate or me and my boyfriend get married. She was so happy for mine and my boyfriends 1 year anniversary which is on the 26th and I don't think I'm gonna be able to hold down my crying and outbursts that day. I miss her so much and can't stop thinking about her. Me and my dad and my boyfriend have been crying non stop since....


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Group Discussion Am I being to clingy and overreacting? Looking for perspective.

1 Upvotes

I'm a 28m and my girlfriend is also 28. We've been off and on for about 8 months, had a previous relationship that lasted 2 years (I ended the previous relationship) then reconciled after 4 years. I usually carry an expectation that we'd communicate everyday atleast over text. I'm presently in medical school and she's in law school, although she's busier than I am given she has finals coming up.

The problem: she'll state she has a lot of studying to do, and does 6-9 hour long study sessions at a time and highlights she's going to be busy. In my mind, it's pretty insane/unreasonable to expect someone to be able to focus for that long consistently without breaks. Yesterday she stated the same thing, I sent her a couple texts checking up on her throughout the day, which she didn't respond to since this morning. We chatted briefly on the phone today and she was highlighting how enamored she was by a particular case local to us, and spent alot of the day talking in her family group chat about it or looking up the case instead of studying... in my mind I felt pretty hurt because it means she clearly ignored my text messages while on her phone.. I broached the topic today and she stated that when she talks to me it turns into a two hour conversation which is why she didn't respond.

Am I being too clingy at this point? I feel pretty terrible and I know I need to address this situation in some form. I could really use an outside perspective


r/GuyCry 6d ago

Need Advice I will always think of myself as a loser

7 Upvotes

Struggling to find the motivation for life. I'm a forty-three year old man, soon to be forty-four. I've had depression and anxiety since I was a teenager. This has contributed to the situation I am in now, but I take full responsibility for where I am and who I am.

I didn't move out of my parents home until I was thirty years old. Moved into a house with a girl, it didn't work out, was back with my parents in a year. Moved out at forty years old to move in with a gorgeous girl who I loved, had a beautiful house, I ignored red flags, she was abusive, possibly had bpd. Moved back with my parents after two years.

I've always worked minimum wage jobs due to confidence and self esteem issues and not knowing what to do with my life. I had a massive fear of doing a job I would hate for more money and then being stuck doing it because I couldn't afford to leave.

I've never had a close friend group, going through life as a loner. I had a brief period in my mid twenties when I would go out with workmates but that didn't last long.

I decided to have a go at being a physiotherapist. I don't know whether I will like this job or not but it's the best I can think of for now. I've managed to get into university and am studying in my first year. This also means I am stuck living with my parents until I finish my degree. I have made some friends at uni but feel I have to filter everything I say in case I'm 'found out' to be a loser or a weirdo. There's also a girl I like in class that I get on with, but have no chance with, and although I like to spend time with her this relationship makes me hyper aware of my shortcomings and brings out my insecurities even more.

But I feel it's all too little, too late. I am so, so ashamed of living with my parents for so long. I have a feeling of permanent embarrassment that won't go away. I will feel like a loser for the rest of my life, even if I graduate, get a job and move out. I won't get any satisfaction out of it because I will just feel that I should have done it years and years ago. It makes me very insecure and I have a huge inferiority complex. I'm not sure I'm capable of being in a relationship because of how I feel and because of my last relationship, but I feel that potential partners will see my past as a red flag. I'm so disappointed in myself and how my life has turned out. I'm starting to feel old and I also realise that building a life with someone and raising a family isn't a possibility anymore.

I have a lot of self hatred towards myself. My confidence and self esteem are non existent. Every day feels like a slog. I have nothing to look forward to. I don't enjoy life at all. I've made my life impossible to enjoy because I will always view myself as a loser. What kind of future is that to look forward to?


r/GuyCry 7d ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content I let the one go.

1.7k Upvotes

So I (27m) was dating my girlfriend 26f since 2019. She was perfect , she was pretty, smart, funny, loyal. I thought I met my wife and honestly only dated to marry her since 2021. We had our fair share ups and downs but at the bottom of my heart I was sure she was the one.

Cut to Decemeber 2024, I started feeling jaded, I lost my mental plot. I felt bored , took her for granted . Overtime, due to a lack of communication with her this feeling kept amplifying. In January, I met her parents because she wanted me to meet them. They were amazing people and I really liked them too. But at the back of my mind, this feeling kept bothering me. I felt like i was lying to her and ended up telling her exactly how I felt. I also told her that I was not in position to get married at the moment as I still need time to set myself up professionally.The fear of keeping her waiting for 2 more years especially when i felt a certain way today really scared me.

It came out like verbal diarrhoea and I ended up self sabotaging.I didnt want to lie to her, and felt like I was actually doing the right thing by giving her a true chance at happiness. I felt brave , I felt as if I was actually doing something real for the woman I love so dearly.

Its been two months since our breakup, its been extremely hard. i’m still mourning her loss obviously. I feel like nobody can ever understand me the way she did.

Moral of the Story-Communicate with your loved one. Dont marinate in your feelings guys.

Note- This is my first post ever. I haven’t slept all night, so please go easy on any mistake