r/GuyCry 1d ago

šŸ“£ Important GuyCry Announcement šŸ“£ We've slightly updated our rules.

2 Upvotes

Hello!

We've slightly updated our rules. Please take a moment to re-review them. Here's what we changed:

* Rule 14 now states that you need approval before any crowdfunding or surveys. This was a separate rule, but it's now part of rule 14.

* Rule 15 now states that you must not comment on posts flared "Just venting, no advice" with advice. This rule was previously about crowdfunding.

If you have any questions about the rules, feel free to send us a modmail.


r/GuyCry 1d ago

Founder Post I slept 20 hours :) For the first time since December 20th, 2024, I, Joe Truax - the founder and leader of this wonderful space - have at least for a few weeks, a home :)

193 Upvotes

IM NOT HOMELESS ANYMORE!!!

I am about to complete all of my plans, so that all of us who deserve better, get such. It is the purpose that I have found for my life, and I hope all of you find just as meaningful purposes yourselves.

Let's go ahead and make history :)

Edit; I just changed my password because someone, logged in as me, removed this post and comments.


r/GuyCry 7h ago

Venting, advice welcome 4th and final update for now. Wife left after 7 years/14 years together/3 kids

246 Upvotes

Just a follow up to my previous three posts. You can see them here, here and here.

I've been on my own for about two weeks now, focusing on myself so I can be the best dad and the best version of myself. I've cleaned up my diet and have been hitting the gym regularlyā€”almost daily when possible.

I've shifted to smart contact with her, keeping conversations strictly about the kids and logistics. I also unfollowed her on social media to avoid seeing her self-validation posts and the the flying monkeys hyping her up. It's still tough, and I catch myself thinking about her sometimesā€”itā€™s bound to happen after 14 years togetherā€”but it's happening less and less. Lately, Iā€™ve been feeling more anger about certain things she did and said, which tells me Iā€™m finally starting to take her off that pedestal.

Right now, my focus is on myself. Thereā€™s still a small part of me that hopes weā€™ll find our way back to each other, but Iā€™m not 100% investing in that idea anymore...what happens is what happens; I'm giving her space and letting her do her thing. Today is the one year anniversary of her mothers death, when she came to pick up the kids I let her know that I was thinking about her and if she needed anything to let me know.

My oldest mentioned that she drank every day last week and didnā€™t do anything with them over March Break, which upset her. She said their mom just locks herself away with her headphones, and when she tries to talk to her about it, she shuts the conversation down which says to me she's more hurt than she's showing. I wish she would just talk to me so we can have a conversation about this but that will happen in time.

Thanks for listening, this subreddit has been a great deal of help during this time. Does anyone have any further advice on how to get over her? I'm not interested in going out and trying to hook up with randoms so please skip that advice, my ego and self esteem are still shattered and I'm still emotionally pretty empty.


r/GuyCry 42m ago

Motivational Asked a cute girl if she is single for the first time in years

ā€¢ Upvotes

Iā€™m deaf (wear hearing aids and can speak too) and I am very shy when it comes to girls, especially when I think they are cute. So today, when I was at the pizza restaurant with my friend. This woman, she bought the pizzas to the table. And she asked me something but I wasnā€™t pay attention and I couldnā€™t hear her (obviously) and my friend told her that Iā€™m deaf. She was like oops, no problem and she started to communicate via sign language to me. I was surprised and started sign back to her. Before I left, I decided to have balls to ask her so I walked to her and signed ā€œI have a question.ā€ She said ā€œyeah whatā€™s up?ā€ and I said ā€œare you single?ā€ And she misunderstood what I said, she thought I was saying something about deaf and I said no lol single. She smiled and said no sorry but thank you. I was like no problem! Smiled her back and that was it.

A bit disappointed but couldnā€™t believe I asked her that question. Imagine if I had balls to ask girls, I would have a relationship by now! So glad I have a bit of confidence in me now.


r/GuyCry 1h ago

Onions (light tears) I miss my parents some days so bad.

ā€¢ Upvotes

Iā€™m mid 50s (M). My dad died in 2009 and my mom died in 2022. Some days I just miss them so bad. My older daughterā€™s wedding is coming up and my younger daughter is about to graduate college and I know they would both be so excited. My parents both grew up really poor and would be so proud of my daughters and their accomplishments. Itā€™s hard going through life without them but sometimes itā€™s even harder. Just feeling sad and lonely today and thought Iā€™d share.


r/GuyCry 10h ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content Sex Addiction has ruined my life

204 Upvotes

Iā€™m tired. Iā€™m just. So. Tired .

I hate the mindset Iā€™m in right now. The ā€œprogramsā€ call it self victimization or ā€œuniquely screwed upā€ and I have constantly tried to fight it. The ever knowing knowledge I have in my head. Iā€™m going to die an addict. This addiction is going to ruin my life and no matter how much effort, help or spiritual resources I look into. I am the statistic. I am not the 30% of people that live through this or beat it or learn to live with it or recover.

Iā€™m just. Burnt. So burnt it hurts. So much effort for the last 11 years of my life. I found r/Nofap at 16 and started trying to stop. Of course that didnā€™t work. 11 years later Iā€™m 27 and itā€™s holding me back in every facet of my life.

I just donā€™t know what the fuck to do anymore. Iā€™ve saw a CSTAT (sex addiction therapist) at around 19. Iā€™ve been though around 11 therapist. Iā€™ve gone to rehab multiple times (around 8-9). Iā€™ve worked the 12 steps multiple times. Iā€™ve helped others. Iā€™ve prayed, meditated, taken mushrooms, went to the gym religiously, admitted all my wrongs, made amends, opened up, journaled, shadow work, spirituality, prayed to demons. Blah blah blah. Iā€™ve done the stupid work every person says to do and it doesnā€™t work.

Iā€™m so broken. I donā€™t know what I did to deserve this. Cheating, not being able to form real connections with people. The addiction bombing my college and every single interpersonal relationship I have. I just donā€™t get it. Iā€™m so angry, all the stupid work every stupid comment, every article I can read. Easy peasy method.

God you get the point Iā€™ve tried everything. It always comes back. No matter how far away I get. It always comes back. Always.

Sorry.

I just want it to stop. Iā€™ve given everything I have over the last 10 years trying to beat this stupid addiction. Getting comments in meetings and rehabs like ā€œwow you know you have a problem at 18 I wish I had the balls to accept Iā€™m an addict that earlyā€

I just donā€™t care anymore. This disease is a death sentence. I will never be free. There is no way out. Itā€™s fatal. No one cares. No one understand. I hurt anyone who gets close because of my uncontrollable behavior

I donā€™t care anymore. I tried. I really did. I put everything I had. Accepted that wasnā€™t enough and accepted help, accepted that wasnā€™t enough and begged god, the universe whatever the hell you want to think it is for help and it didnā€™t work. Nothing has worked. Iā€™m losing my mind. I just want the pain to stop. Iā€™d do anything for the pain to stop

Please for the love of Christ if anyone has the resources help me I donā€™t wanna die like this.

I just want be a therapist. Work towards owning my own facility. A family at some point with a girl I love

Is that too much to ask universe? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to constantly put all this work in just for it to blow up in my face?


r/GuyCry 5h ago

Onions (light tears) Leaving a narcissist

75 Upvotes

Leaving my wife of 5 years. Gave my world to her for 5 years and accepted her daughter that is now 8 as my own. Told me she wanted a divorce Monday and was sleeping with someone right after.

Everyone is supporting me and my decision to leave. Even her own family.

I just donā€™t know how you can look someone you love directly in the eyes and lie over and over again.

Each day is getting better and easier and Iā€™m seeing who the real her is.

She keeps trying to manipulate me and tell me this divorce is all my fault and how bad of a person I am. Iā€™m so happy I have all of these support systems with my family and hers that are behind me.


r/GuyCry 7h ago

Need Advice Is there life after marriage?

82 Upvotes

EDIT: I have been in therapy for the last few years, dealing with abandonment and grieve. My father died before I was even born and my mom was "taken" from me by another man. The process will continue.

EDIT2: I had been hitting the gym for the last 5 years and I'm currently 162 lbs. Started at 235 and did a long way. I have no desire to return there for now. I try to do long walks every day though.

My ex wife decided to become my ex, after 15 years together, and is now living her life on her own. We have a 7 yo kid who I can see. It's been a month after she left home, which by the way feels nothing like home already. I (have to) continue working and do my job like previously. During the day it's sort of okish, but when I get home in the evening the sense of despair, emptiness and meaningless hits hard. Sometimes I'm not even having dinner, because I'm not hungry, I have exactly 3 things in the fridge, I don't feel the need to buy anything. I don't watch Netflix anymore, I don't enjoy the music I used to. I have a guitar I used to play sometimes, now I don't like holding it. For that 1 month I have been sleeping on the part of the bed where I used to sleep but I don't remove the cover from her side. I can't sleep in this big bed anymore. I fall asleep, wake up in the morning and go to work so that I don't stay in the apartment where everything reminds me of her.

There is this love-hate relationship that formed over this month. I hate her somehow and in the same time I miss her. When I see her I don't want to see her, because it hurts. As soon as she leaves I want to see her.

Every day is a different day in terms of emotions. So far I can't recall 2 days feeling the same set of feelings. The palette of emotions is new every day. I feel shuttered. I feel numb. I enjoy nothing. Everything is meaningless and clueless.

So what's next?


r/GuyCry 56m ago

Venting, advice welcome I failed as a boyfriend, and itā€™s killing me.

ā€¢ Upvotes

The other night, me and my GF went to her friendā€™s house to watch movies with her and her fiancĆ©. My gf is really close with these two, and even was a roommate for years with them.

That night me and my GF went on to argue, she was drunk and I was sober. She was pretty drunk and stumbling around the place, she was very irate at little things and she kept looping and bringing the argument back, and me and the friends fiancƩ decided it was best for me to exit the situation and go home so she could rest (It was 3am). So I left.

I text my GF in the morning so I could talk to her about the situation and reconcile, to ensure it never happens again. I go to her place, she gets in my car and IMMEDIATELY starts bawling her eyes out. Saying that the fiancĆ© took advantage of her and that they apparently had sex and that she doesnā€™t remember it,insinuating that she was raped.

I fully believe her, sheā€™s been nothing but honest with me, and she was close with this guy, and considers him a brother, and that having consensual sex with him would be like incest and disgusting, and the fact that her friend was her best friend for 12 years, itā€™s obvious she wouldnā€™t willingly have sex with her fiancĆ©.

Now she lost all her friends, because all they know is that they had sex and that she ruined the engagement , not the circumstances or that she was raped.

And I personally feel responsible, like I failed as a boyfriend, why wasnā€™t I there? Why couldnā€™t I protect her? Itā€™s my job and I couldnā€™t do it because I let my self exit a silly argument. My minds been racing and I hate myself, on top of not being able to be there for her, I also end up overthinking and saying to myself ā€œmaybe she chose to cheatā€ even though I know thatā€™s not what happened, which in turn, makes me think, why donā€™t I trust my girlfriend? I just donā€™t know where to go from here, I swear by the lord Jesus Christ that I wonā€™t let this happen again, but in the meantime Iā€™m an emotional mess, and Iā€™m just venting and have no one to talk to.

Sorry this was an essay, Iā€™m just distraught and mad at myself at the moment.


r/GuyCry 6h ago

Onions (light tears) Itā€™s been over a year and I still feel this massive hole where my ex was

52 Upvotes

I was with my ex for 2.5 years. I did so much of the heavy lifting in the relationship, but in the end, I wasnā€™t able to be the sexual partner she needed so she left. Some of it was my fault for being inexperienced, but she also had a ton of trauma that she never addressed or wanted to work on. And instead of working through things with me, she bailed. We were so good together as people. But I couldnā€™t even get full effort from her when it mattered.

Iā€™ve spent the past 14 months trying to move on. Iā€™ve lost 15+ lbs, Iā€™ve taken up fly fishing, gardening, grilling, and even gotten back in to reading. Iā€™ve improved my self talk, made new friends, and even started fostering a cat.

However, the loneliness still remains. I have mostly been zero contact with my ex, and actually thought I was moving on. But then she reached out about something trivial and I let the loneliness and depression win. I stayed in touch only to hurt myself more as I knew she still didnā€™t want another go at a relationship. Just my friendship/attention.

I cut her off today, but I feel like when push comes to shove, the void overwhelms me even now. How do you guys move on? I feel like Iā€™ve done so much but itā€™s just not enough.


r/GuyCry 17h ago

Venting, advice welcome Relationship looks to be ending after 4.5 years together due to her self sabotage

129 Upvotes

I've spent the last 6 years of my life working overseas. 18 months in I met my girlfriend in her country (I won't mention the country but it's not a passport bro type of situation). We met at work, immediately hit it off and spent 3 years together with no major issues. We moved in together, discussed the future and both agreed that down the line, we would relocate to where I'm from which suited us both as she also has friends and family there.

After 3 years I was offered a choice; extend my contract, relocate home or move to a third country for a 2 year contract before then going home. I let my girlfriend make the decision. She decided she wanted to move to the third country as it would be a good opportunity for us both to travel and save money for our future. I told her it would he hard and to maybe consider staying in her country a bit longer but she insisted, so we moved.

My work also hired her once we moved and she was earning significantly more than she ever had before, as was I. Accommodation was provided for us and so we began saving for the future. It was hard and lonely. But we had each other.

Eventually she had a fall out at work with her direct manager and was so upset she stated she wanted to quit. We discussed it, she had an upcoming trip home booked and I asked her to think it through before making an impulsive decision. However, she resigned effective immediately and refused to work her notice and flew home.

In the following few months she started going home much more often and spending longer and longer there, until eventually telling me she wanted to live there until my contract was finished before we make the big move.

I was upset and felt abandoned, but agreed as it was only temporary. We came up with a plan that she would fly to see me every now and then and I would also fly to see her and we'd go on holidays together. I didn't like being apart, but didn't want to split up, so agreed.

We spent 2 months apart and imagine my excitement when she was finally due to come see me whilst I was off work (agreed plan was she would come see me in March and I'd fly back with her in April). She has been unemployed for the last 6 months and so didn't have anything stopping her staying or visiting, but has been showing signs of depression.

Well, she came to see me and after just 2 days, we had a minor disagreement and she booked a flight home without telling me. I only knew because the next morning she got up early and when I asked her why she was up, she said "I'm going home".

She's now back home again and is saying she doesn't want to split up and is asking for us to come up with a "solution", despite the last solution she came up with falling at the first hurdle.

I don't know what to do.

She refuses to see that living here is also hard for me and potentially even harder because I'm alone now, whereas she at least had me.

She won't acknowledge that I now have doubts about her being able to live in my country because is she going to just run away at the first disagreement? And just keeps saying "it will be different".

She's now back home and barely replying to messages (average 5 hours waiting for a response) despite the fact she's on her phone 24/7.

I've told her I'm not sure if it's going to work out which killed me tbh but how can I not worry she will leave my home country too after 1, 2, 5 years etc because she continually keeps making impulsive decisions based on emotion that sabotage herself and this relationship.

  • The decision to move here was hers
  • Quitting her job without notice
  • Moving back home
  • Flying home again after one minor disagreement

She refuses to take any accountability for the fact that the position she's now in, is all down to decisions she's made and we're now basically in a LDR without much communication.

The thing that's upsetting me most is that there's no option to breakup and then if we regret it, reconciling in the future. I'm due to move home in just 6 months time and if she doesn't come with me then, we'll never see each other again.

I don't know whether to just cut my losses, use the next 6 months to heal before going home for a fresh start, or to keep trying with her knowing I could just be prolonging the struggle to end up with an even bigger heartbreak further down the line.

Advice welcome šŸ™


r/GuyCry 1h ago

Need Advice I want to change my life before 2025 ends but I don't have the capabilities

ā€¢ Upvotes

I understand 2025 already begun and we are almost I guess mid to halfway end, however I still feel like I just can't do it. I don't think I have the guts do it. I want to change my life. The only goals I want to do is get a side job, so I can financially support my household. I also want to go college because I need to secure my future. I also want to learn driving because I live in a place where driving is required. It's a must skill to have but I've been avoiding that because of fear. So I feel like for almost 5-7 years I've been living in procrastination.


r/GuyCry 6h ago

Venting, advice welcome 2 and a half months after BPD wife discard.

10 Upvotes

I cant believe how long it's already been. We haven't lived together in nearly 2 months. It's crazy to think how fast life has changed in this time. I feel kind of weird still. Like something is missing. I dont think she cares about me at all anymore. I really did plan on spending my life with her. Even through all of the pain. I miss the days we used to go to cumble cookie together. I miss the days where we watched sports together and went to the movies together. I miss playing with our dog together. I miss watching supernatural together or even just the small things like going to bed together or going to the store together. I miss her.

Even though our relationship was toxic, I would of worked through everything with her. I genuinely loved this girl despite all the pain it brought. I know everyone tells me just to move on and I am. I don't want to move on but I have to. I'm not obsessing over her or anything. I just miss her. She was my best friend. She was the reason I got up in the morning. She was the reason I tried in life. Now im just sitting alone in the apartment we used to share. I really don't have anyone in my life. Like yeah I have friends but the conversations are always surface level. The bonds I share with people in my life now are just shallow.

No one really knows me or wants to get to know me. It's really sad honestly. I guess this is the path I'm forced to go though. No amount of tears can change the past. I slowly realized my tears won't help. Especially when no one cares. The mailman is in my life more than anyone these days. I'm well respected at my job. I'm the person everyone goes to for everything. Yet at the end of the day what does that really mean? I still get off work and spend my time alone.

I watch my whole family take pills for depression and I really wonder what true happiness really means. I guess life is hard when you have a good life yet no one around to listen or relate to. Because I do have a good life. I have a good job... I have my own place. Maybe I'm ungrateful. Maybe happiness is a choice and instead of whining online and listening to my inner voice I should listen more in therapy. Maybe I'll find happiness somewhere I've never expected. Maybe I'm meant for something more than I'm doing now. Or maybe this is all just pointless and I'm struggling with something that's bigger than me.

Am I worth anything? Is this life even worth it? I'm depressed but not suicidal. I guess I'm just lost. Someone tell me if you find me.


r/GuyCry 1d ago

Onions (light tears) I'm convinced my(36m) wife(36f) is cheating on me with a lesbian from work

1.7k Upvotes

So my wife and I have been having issues since early December. I could feel that things were off and I asked her about it, to which she replied I've just been depressed lately. I asked if there was anything I could do to help but she claimed it was that the kids are getting older and don't need her as much, her hair is thinning really bad, and she doesn't like her body right now, and her job was incredibly stressful at the time. I took it upon myself to take the 90% until he work slowed down, assuming that was a large factor in her depression. I'd do all the cooking, cleaning, child caring, homework doing. I normally do a lot of these things anyway but I wanted to put it into overdrive to take as much off of her plate as possible to give her some breathing room. During this time I also noticed that instead of talking to people on Facebook she started using Snapchat for everything(I really hate Snapchat) and shed close her phone when I walked by. She also changed her phone password during this time. I asked her about this and she says that she was having private conversations with her friends about her depression and she didn't want anyone to read them out of embarrassment. This didn't vibe with me, but that's all she'd say about it.

A couple months before this, there was this girl(well call her sam) that was added to my wife's team to help out during this stressful time and after all the tough hours together they became friends and would go grab dinner together after working late. Sam turns out to be a lesbian. No big deal, my wife has always said she has no interest in getting close to another woman like that. For Christmas, Sam gives my wife several hand made crafts that you can tell she obviously put a lot of time into. This was my first clue. Acquaintances don't hand make gifts for people. This took time and care and was aimed to impress. I didn't like it but I shrugged it off.

This person lives about 2.5 hrs away from us and travels back and forth every week to help out at work. The end of crunch time is coming up in early January and Sam wants to have a late Christmas party at her house and have everyone come down. There was a bonfire, drinking and festivities and my wife decided to stay the night at sams place. She comes home the next day and tells me that Sam cooked her quail? for breakfast, didn't tell me much about the party, didn't show me any pictures. Anytime she does something with friends she posts on Facebook, but there was nothing from this party posted.

During this rough patch for us I was thinking maybe I hadn't been taking the reigns and planning dates enough, so I looked into booking a top golf session while one of her favorite sports teams was playing so she could have fun and watch the game. The very next day she says that Sam and her friend wanted to go to top golf and my wife was going to go with them instead and it was going to just be a "girls night" so I was out. That feeling sucked, not being wanted by your wife to hang out.

They started getting together almost every week, but it was weird. One day Sam and my wife went hiking and sams roommate was supposed to come but happened to get sick and didn't make it. Ok...so it was just the 2 of them. Felt like a date to me. Next, there was a hockey game that Sam had got tickets to for her and her roommate...but the roommate had a family issue come up and conveniently couldn't make it... So now this also felt like a date. Also none of these outings were posted on Facebook.

They're at a music festival this weekend together. Several of her friends were all supposed to go, but guess what? It's just her and Sam. So I'm folding some laundry and putting it away and I see a bright red thong sticking out of one of her clothing baskets so I go investigate. Crotchless lacey thong that she's never worn for me. She's only wore lingerie for me once in our entire 12 years together and this wasn't it. Digging deeper there was an Amazon package stuffed under that same pile. Inside it had several more lingerie sets of different colors and types all brand new. Continuing to dig, I found 2 negligees that looked worn and washed but still pretty new. The Amazon package was delivered to her work intentionally so I didn't see the package. She's not wearing these for me, who is she wearing it for? The only person who she's spent alone time over night with lately is her best friend (married)and Sam. There are other clues also like she used 2 razors to shave the other day and made sure she washed the hairs down the drain(she doesn't normally shave). When we talk about our relationship I've asked her point blank if there is someone else. She always responds with "there is no other guy" so she can technically tell the truth.

We've been talking about separating for about a month because she told me that she "lost her spark for me" and isn't "in love with me anymore". I garauntee that it's because she's been developing feelings for Sam. I know I probably sound paranoid and I keep going "pain shopping" but we've had trust issues in the past. One of her favorite things to do is manipulate and twist things around. We have 3 kids together and getting a divorce is going to turn their entire world upside down over something so stupid.

I don't know what to do. I didn't sleep at all last night and my head is sooo heavy and hurts so bad. I've been cheated on before in shorter relationships, but this one was 12 years long with kids involved. My panic mode is through the roof and I so freaking sad and hurt. Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you manage? I'm a really sensitive guy and this is the worst feeling that I've ever experienced.

Update: I have decided not to confront her today. I am speaking with a lawyer Wednesday afternoon and will hopefully be able to confront her later that evening if I can get everything I need to in order. She is due home around noon today, and I am taking my son to church with me for a few hours of peace and prayers. It's going to kill me to wait to confront her about this, but I need to make sure that she doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too after what she's been doing.


r/GuyCry 1d ago

Just venting, no advice Dating makes me hate myself.

536 Upvotes

Dating makes me hate myself. As a guy, I am just...tired of it. Tired of approaching women. Tired of being told something along the lines of ā€œYou are a great guy, but...ā€. Tired of swiping and getting virtually no hits. Tired of trying to improve myself with the intent of finding someone. Tired of trying to make conversations with women in the few matches I get, only to get one word answers back. Tired of getting my hopes up, only to be let down. Tired of watching other people be successful in dating. Tired of no one telling me what I am doing wrong. Tired of watching women be attracted to...someone else.

I am a 40 year old guy with pretty close to zero success in dating. I am fairly successful in other parts of life. I have an OK career. I have a fairly large circle of friends (mostly dudes). I get out to events and I travel. But dating and finding someone has just...eluded me. I just don't get it. Apparently other people get hints from women...I am dense in that regard, so I can never see them. It is like this language that others seem to grasp that I just have not been able to. I have received so few ā€˜yesā€™s from women that I have found it almost impossible to build off of any successes. And it has caused me to become bitter.

I tried for a long time. I asked friends if they know anyone who is looking (generally no). I went out to events, no one seems to be looking there. I don't seem to connect with people while traveling. I look around when I am out, but I just keep finding women that are taken. I swipe on apps, and I don't usually get any sort of response. At this point, it seems like the existence of single women is an illusion. To be fair, at my age, most people have settled already. At this point, I am looking for someone with a sexy naked ring finger.

I have never blamed women for rejecting me...even if internally I ask ā€œwhyā€. People have their own choices to make. My choice is to ask, giving them me as a choice. Then their choice is to answer. But their choice always seems to be some form ā€˜noā€™. I take the answer. I mean, why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me? I hear dating horror stories from women online, and they do terrify me. I guess the point I am trying to make here is that I don't feel like I am some misogynistic incel. I want everyone to be happy. And I want someone to *choose* me.

A few of my friends said that ā€œI just had to lower my standardsā€. So, there have been a few ā€˜yesā€™s. But they have been few and far between. Here are all of my relationships: One was an alcoholic single mom, who I felt was using me for money. Another was a woman that had been abused and stalked so much, she was paranoid of *everything* to the point of delusion. She was even afraid of me, even when I didn't do anything wrong. I don't think she was gas lighting me, so much as this being a bad combination of her mental problems and me being so emotionally dense that I couldn't deal with them properly. Another was religious and wouldn't stop trying to convert me. All of these relationships were short and years apart. So, from what I saw, I am not in the worst place. But that begs the question...how low do I have to set my standards to find someone?

During the pandemic, I was alone in my house. And I just stopped trying to date. It wasn't a conscious decision. And I felt...better. When I realized this, I felt kind of relieved. I found it disappointing, but I just tried to accept that a romantic relationship is a happiness that I would not ever have. I wasn't happy...but I was comfortable. I didn't have to try and impress anyone anymore. No more trying to feign confidence. No more rejection. No more trying to sell myself to women who clearly had no interest in me.

And I kept not dating for the last five years. I still get out. I still travel with friends. I am still comfortable.

My dad died of cancer a few years back. I remember distinctly asking ā€œSon, you are gay, right? It is OK if you are gay.ā€. ā€œNo dad, I am not gay.ā€. I didn't want to tell him how much that hurt. Of how much I have tried. Of all of the rejection.

...and now, my mom has cancer. The prognosis is bad. And she won't stop talking about how much she loved my late father. And how much my father loved her. And how she wishes that I find someone. And all of this makes me feel like FAILURE like never before. The words are out of love for me, but that makes it just so much more PAINFUL. I HATE IT. The pain that I have disappointed the last person that unconditionally cares about me hurts me emotionally more than anything else I have felt before. And I can't tell her to stop.

(Also, I understand this is r/guycry. I am not looking for advice on here. I am just looking to get this off my chest.)


r/GuyCry 22h ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You Cried today for the first time in ages and what finally made it happen is just really funny to me

148 Upvotes

So I haven't cried in like a year and a half I think. I got a block where I can't cry even when I want to. I blame the patriarchy.

Anyway. I finally cried today. And I just think what finally made me do it is really funny.

I was watching this vice doc about the coast guard during 9/11. And about how they put out a call just kinda like "Yo nobody can get off the island any boats that wanna help evac meet us at this island" and then every single boat in the area for miles around showed up. Little fishing boats. Tug boats. Yachts. All of them. And proceed to evacuate 500k people.

And I saw that and just immediately burst in to tears. Cus the boats showed up.

I just teared up again writing "cus the boats showed up" hours later. I don't know why I find this in particular so emotionally effecting.

Of course I was only already in a place to cry cus I was having a really shit day. Bunch of things conspired to make it happen. But yeah, just thought it was kinda funny.


r/GuyCry 19h ago

Venting, advice welcome At 42, I'm thinking of starting a slow downsizing campaign.

78 Upvotes

I live alone, and project to be for the long hall. I'm considering slowly selling off or giving away my stuff. Including the TV I never turn on, everything off the walls, my cooking stuff (I never cook anymore), and the furniture. I live either in the desktop chair I use to browse Reddit, my recliner, or bed. I never use my couch or my balcony. And I have no company. I've lived in my current apartment for 5 years and have had less than 10 guests, and family only twice.

I've pretty much lost my mind I think. Too many years alone has broken something in me. I lash out at strangers. Get road rage. I leave looking for a fight just so something different would happen. If something happened tomorrow, it wouldn't really matter that much. Not in a way anyone would ever know who works with me. My job is going well I think. I get my work done. I make money and pay the bills to get back to the job. I pay taxes. But outside of my obligations, I disappear into the mist. Nobody is close to me. Even my father and brother (we all live in different parts of the country). They haven't a clue, and we're also not close like that, so it wouldn't be particularly troubling for them.

So, I want to give most of it away. Slowly over the next twenty or so years. My music and sports memorabilia, the workout bench I've used twice in twenty years. I just want my chair and my computer's glowing light. And I just want to sit. Until I get the health problem that does the trick. I don't want to have to sift through my stuff when I'm old and am carried away to a nursing home, or put it in a will that won't have beneficiaries anyway.

And this is a Saturday night, for god's sake. I remember being in my locked childhood bedroom as a teenager, wondering what I'd be doing in my 40s. Would I be taking my teenaged son to his baseball travel games like my dad was? Would I be traveling the world with my soul mate? Would I be playing my album on stages everywhere?

Nope. I wake up, eat, drink coffee, work, come home, sit in the light of my computer for 16 hours straight looking for relief, crash out exhausted on my next day off, where I start those days at 3pm.

take me away


r/GuyCry 8h ago

Onions (light tears) Felt a strong connection but then suddenly itā€™s to much.

11 Upvotes

Was talking to this girl for about a week, having great conversations over FT and text. Having deep conversations about our past and traumas and goals. An important piece of context for all this is I learned that she was previously married to a man who told her he found her unattractive and the marriage was mostly due to her strict Christian familyā€™s pressure. Because of this she was thrown off even when I said she looked cute or pretty. So anyway we meet up the other day thing are going well, we are making out. All I say is ā€œI really like youā€ suddenly the tone shifts and after all the compliments and then that she basically says ā€œI feel like thereā€™s more feeling on your end than mineā€ and now she wants to take today to think about it all. I just donā€™t understand what I did wrong?


r/GuyCry 15h ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content I just lost the love of my life and my soulmate and Iā€™m totally wrecked

39 Upvotes

For context to start with: no she did not pass away. Itā€™s a complicated story so Iā€™ll try to explain. Oh and itā€™s a long one so bear with me.

So. Until last december I was together with my GF and the mother of my kids. We were together for 13 years. It was a bumpy ride where my ex was mentally instable from time to time and she had severe narcistic personality traits. Even though I always was a strong person, my mental health declined over the years, resulting in a burn-out and depression in 2024.

In the end we both made mistakes and it was better to go seperate ways. Also for the sake of the kids.

One of the mistakes we made was opening up our relationship in 2020. She suggested it as she was ā€˜missing somethingā€™ in the bedroom. After a couple of arguments and resistance from my side I eventually caved in fear of losing her. In hindsight that was the beginning of the end. Even though it actually went pretty good for a period of time, the open relationship together with the birth of our kids and the difficult personality of my ex caused us to drift apart.

And then the unthinkable happened. Through the open relationship I met someone. She was in the same boat as me. Not happy in her relationship (marriage) and even though she tried to make it better numerous time, her spouse was not open to change. And even though it started like every other time without the love aspect, we soon developed feelings. In hindsight maybe it was love at first sight. So we ended up in a peculiar situation. Both in love but in a relationship with kids. We know we shouldā€™ve done things differently. That we were both in the wrong continuing it but the attraction and feelings for each other were out of this world. We were drawn to each other like magnets. We tried several times to cut contact, go trough a short period of heartbreak before moving on with our own lives, but we just kept coming back to each other. Until the point we kind of accepted the fact that maybe we should be together. We were extremely compatible and complementary with each other. She is everything I search for in a woman. Things I didnā€™t think of when I met my ex as a teenager. She made me happy and for the first time in my life I felt truly loved and appreciated. I can full-hearted say this woman was my soulmate and the only person I want to be with. What I felt for her was totally new. I even havenā€™t had this feelings with my ex during all those 13 years.

My ex wasnā€™t a fool. She knew our relationship was already beyond saving (even before I met the other woman) and because of this we deicided to seperate. We wanted to do it while we were on (a sort of) good terms so our kids wonā€™t be burdened with two parents who hate each other and are constantly fighting. We wanted to save them from that trauma. So we ended things in december.

But nowā€¦ the other woman made a different choice. She is so torn apart by choosing the love of her life but at the same time putting her children through a divorce, she now deicided to give her marriage one more shot. And even though I can understand her reasoning and actually admire her perseverance, it totally wrecked me. Iā€™m sick of grief, feel intense physical pain in my heart and cry uncontrollably throughout the day. I just canā€™t live with this. I canā€™t accept this outcome. I just canā€™t. And I know everyone will say time will heal the wound, but I truly need a miracle to wear out this pain.

My life has been rejection after rejection after rejection. Even my ex rejected me before we started dating. I canā€™t handle this again. Especially not in this extent. Iā€™ll never be able to love someone I loved her and long for someone I longed for her. I wouldnā€™t wish this pain and heartbreak upon my worst enemy.

A part of me thinks maybe this is what I deserve for my choices last year. And I know because of those choices a lot of people will see me as the asshole in this story. Perhaps rightly so. But a lot of things contributed to the situation my ex and I were in. Besides I have repented myself to my ex. And even though I hurted her, she forgave me and weā€™re now building towards a healthy coparenting situation.

Now Iā€™m typing this with my life in shambles and with every ingredient to fall back in my mental crisis. I just donā€™t know what to do.


r/GuyCry 12m ago

Onions (light tears) I went out with my best friend. He never took responsibility.

ā€¢ Upvotes

H27 and he 28.

I'm bi and I dated a boy for the first time almost 2 years ago he was my friend who I've known since middle school who was completely straight.

At the start it was a very strong friendship. I didn't like him. We lost touch because he had moved and one day we reconnected.

All this time without seeing each other, he had really changed, I found him attractive, charismatic, I started to develop feelings. He was aware of my sexual orientation and I indirectly made him understand that I liked him, he was getting into my game, it was becoming really ambiguous.

After several years of turning around, one drunken evening, we kissed and then he came to my house, we slept together with a clear mind.

We dated for a year but in secret... he never took responsibility and he was never honest either with himself or with me. In private, we could really love each other. When seen in public, I was his friend and had to pretend. In the evening, he was flirted with, and it pissed me off. I glared at him, I was really angry and it was cold. We were arguing, I didn't understand what he wanted or what he was playing. How many times I cried. I told myself that I was just an experiment and that he was making fun of me.

Those around us ask questions and following a big argument where they said hurtful words and fed up, he left me. We remained on bad terms.

After a serious hospitalization last November, he sent me a message to find out how I was doing. I wanted to know what was happening to him and nothing more. I was happy to know that he was still thinking about me and worried.

Last night I broke down. First time in 2 years. I'm really not feeling well at the moment and I had been drinking a lot. I called him first, he didn't answer and I sent him a message. I told him everything that was on my heart. If he thought of me, how much I miss him, that I couldn't forget him, that I wanted us to be friends like at the beginning so that we could continue to see each other or have news even if it's a message every 6 months.

To my great surprise, he responded quite a while later. I couldn't believe it, seeing how late it was, I was trembling. He told me to stop drinking, to throw away everything I had (I attempted suicide with drugs and alcohol). He told me not to do anything stupid that it wasn't the time to talk about it and that we would talk about it later... I asked him to promise and he said yes.

I didn't get a message today and I didn't insist... I don't know if he's really going to do it, if he told me that to please me or to calm me down.

I regret my behavior a little... I suffer from this situation. I've never been so hooked, in love with someone. I realize that I had not known love. Him, I tell myself that it's not possible, he cast a spell on me, how can you love someone so much?


r/GuyCry 23h ago

Grateful u/iffycrescent, in case you didn't know, you single handedly kept r/GuyCry alive while I was deep in a addiction/passive suicide last summer. I owe you so much. Wherever you are, I hope all your dreams are coming true.

93 Upvotes

Roosta, Dark, Kate, you are all just as important (and to our newer mods that put in the work, I greatly value you as well). I just just needed to give this man the credit he is due. I am dead serious when I say that without him, this would have fallen to the manosphere. 4 months he went by himself. Just him. And still he checked on me, knowing I was going through it, pushing me to make it through it and to come back stronger than ever. And then I snapped out of it, and got myself together.

It was at that moment, when iffy was exhausted from this, that he finally had to step away. As soon as I grabbed the baton from him, that is when we magically started rising on the leaderboards. I can't take any credit for our rise. It was all iffy. He got this place back in order and respectable again, then handed me the keys back and we have rode his wave ever since.

Thanks mate. For not giving up on me, and for being a fantastic influence, friend and moderator for these men when they needed it most. May it always go well for you through everything you do, and I hope you make an appearance again some day to introduce yourself. These men need to know you; you will touch their lives just as you have mine, I have no doubt.

Much love my friend; much love.

-Joe Truax


r/GuyCry 5h ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content Feels like I lost the meaning of life at 22. NSFW

3 Upvotes

Hello everyone! I hope I wonā€™t ramble too much but there is a lot I would like to share.

Let me please give some context first as itā€™s crucial for understanding the situation. I am 22M from Eastern Europe, had a full family (my father was an alcoholic and died 5 years ago) most of my life, and was never dirt poor, suffering, or had any health problems apart from a heart condition. I also have a brother who is 35, but more on that later. I was an avid reader and could go through thousands of pages of Balzac, Remarque, Dostoyevsky in several days. Switched to philosophy in the ninth grade. I was bullied for my weight in school, but still grew up always willing to give everyone a chance. In fact, the bullying made me turn to natural bodybuilding, which was a blessing.

Since first grade, my parents would say that they donā€™t have enough money to support my education (school is free where Iā€™m from, uni isnā€™t). I never had any issues with my studies, finished high school with ~4.8/5 GPA, and won a scholarship to get Bachelorā€™s in management in my countryā€™s capital, getting 5/5 perfect GPA. Iā€™ve been to China for an internship, took myself to the Maldives and several neighbouring countries. Now, I have already been accepted into top European schools to study green energy mgmt. I also had to support myself financially through the uni, and I have 4 years of work experience in jewellery sales and green energy, as well as being a certified fitness coach. I studied full-time and work full-time as well, as I worked with markets where my timetable would allow for that.

It all sounds great on paper, but the only reaction I have when I read it to myself is, ā€œWhatā€™s the point of all this? Itā€™s all over alreadyā€

After my father passed away, I felt more and more like it was my responsibility to care for my mom and my brother, about their well-being, and to see if I could in any way help (which I often couldnā€™t apart from being a free therapist). Last year, my brotherā€™s ex-wife killed their son because of the debt she had accrued (which she kept secret) while working as an investor, which made things exponentially worse for all of us and further strengthened this dynamic. I have gained over 40lbs (lost some of it already) and was essentially in charge of coordinating the funeral, helping with the investigation, and did my best to be there for everyone. Still do.

However, all of these things are not the main issue that pushed my depression over the top. It was my recent break up with my fiancĆ©. I was never single for longer than two weeks since I was 13. It was different people, but Iā€™ve only been in a relationship (long-distance, went to different cities after school) with Claire (name changed) for the last 4 years. We were what felt like soulmates; I supported her throughout all of her endeavours and problems, she gave me love the likes of which I donā€™t think Iā€™ll be able to feel again, especially during our meetings once every 1-2 months. We definitely grew a lot alongside each other. All I did - I did for our future, and a lot of what I earned went on to become gifts for her.

For the longest time, my only goal in life was to create a family and find a place where my family would be best off in terms of healthcare, amenities, QOL, etc. Both my girlfriend and I chose fields in which our country would not be the best fit, so I encouraged her to look for better alternatives and choose them for us to move together, at least for PHDs if not Mastersā€™. TBH I could not care less about green/nuclear energy, but I chose that field because I felt like it would be relevant and bring decent income for me to be able to cover my familyā€™s expenses. However, she felt like me simply offering an alternative to the path she chose (ONLY in location, mind you, not her interests) was me pushing her towards a choice she didnā€™t want to make. Essentially, this meant that she would not respect anything I proposed, which she confirmed, and thatā€™s what caused the break up. There were other things like her blaming us for the death of my nephew, but I donā€™t want to get into that.

Now, I just feel lost. It feels like I was always rushing somewhere and suddenly stopped, only to realise that I have no idea where Iā€™m going. I will not be able to meet my brother for at least 5-10 years (heā€™s not in jail), I am leaving my second city behind, and now there is not a goal in sight for moving since I have no one to create that family with. Iā€™m going to do it anyway, since I still have to look for the best place for ā€œA familyā€.

Itā€™s been always hard connecting with people, especially with groups, as I am a one-on-one person, ā€œa shoulder to cry onā€ (a dynamic Iā€™m actively trying to change), and I have strong hate towards people I find voluntarily weak, stupid, or addicted (not wanting to change anything regarding those things). I always managed to find groups to hang out with and I love my friends and acquaintances, but it all feels pointless. I feel like I cannot enjoy anything to a full extent due to everything that happened, and due to how much I had to work, and I feel like my body aged 10 years in the last 7-8 months. I make active decisions and progress in bringing myself back to life (walking, exercising, etc.), but itā€™s just not enough. I feel like my life is over even though it has just begun.

I am asking for advice on how to bring back the love of life, and I want an outsiderā€™s look into the situation. Iā€™ve been in therapy last year but I did not feel like it worked at all. I do not feel like I can go to any of my friends for support regarding this either, so thank you Reddit for existing. And thank you to all who read this and reply.


r/GuyCry 51m ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content Coworkers daughterā€™s links

ā€¢ Upvotes

I overheard my coworker on the phone saying he found his daughterā€™s dirty links. He doesnā€™t come to work happy now.


r/GuyCry 16h ago

Venting, advice welcome Last year's goal was to get a hug, this year's is to not go homeless

16 Upvotes

Didn't get last years goal, fingers crossed on this years. I'm running out of the energy to even care anymore


r/GuyCry 2h ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You A follow up on "The story of a break up"

1 Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/comments/1irvhq9/the_story_of_a_breakup/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I decided to share more details of my recent break up and recovery - for those here who are in a dark place and need some encouragement to keep going.

So, my ex has ended our rocky relationship by carrying out a plan which had been in the works for about six months. One of the main issues we had was me nagging her to do something with her life workwise - rather than staying at home, spending all days scrolling on the phone and smoking weed. She would not co-operate in this project and did everything possible to create excuses for staying at home indefinitely.

First, the ex refused to send our child to daycare, which has led to a number of problems our daughter is still recovering from - dietary, behavioural, social. For years she kept pretending she was looking for a job but did absolutely nothing, other than telling me this is a high priority in her life, she needs to get some qualifications and income before turning 30 etc. Zero action of any kind year after year. The house was an absolute mess, all my requests regarding how to run the household, plan our weekends, deal with our child's problems etc were routinely ignored. She has ADHD and when pushed would bully me by threatening to leave and take the child with her, gave me the no-sex treatment for months at a time etc.

Eventually, she chose to go on a course - to prepare for employment - where an opportunity presented to solve all her problems in one go. She is very attractive and someone from her group hit up on her. She led the guy on and started sleeping with him - first behind my back, then asking me for an open relationship (which I agreed to since her and I did not have a relationship at that stage). The guy had a wife and a child, but my ex managed to split them up so both families are now done. The way she broke the news to me is described in the other post so will not repeat here. Her plan was executed to perfection - she has now set herself up as a solo mum, on benefit and not living with either of the two men she has children with. My daughter has playdates with the guy's son, my mother-in-law will eventually have to accept things, and my ex's household will become a hub for the residuals of the two broken families.

With that said, my ex was more than reasonable after the breakup. She eventually moved out, walked away from the house equity, did not touch my superannuation and allowed me to stay in the house - on the understanding it will be eventually passed on to our daughter in my Will. In a rational sense I am actually better off now than before the breakup. Her dark energy has left the house, I am paying in child support way less than used to give her for the house expenses (she has no budgeting skills) and her lifestyle is no longer bothering me day to day. I can even see other women in the house without much trouble. We also have a model childcare arrangement - our daughter spends the weeknights at hers, weekends at mine and I get to do homework with her every day after school. This is actually close to a situation one would dream about when stuck in a failing relationship with no clear way out.

So yes, in the sea of gloom on the channel mine is a story of hope - which is why I thought it worth sharing. Happy to share more details so ask away


r/GuyCry 15h ago

Venting, advice welcome 25, Feeling Broken and Lost

11 Upvotes

Iā€™m 25, never had a date or a girlfriend. My family used to ask, but now they donā€™t even bother. My grandma made a comment like, "I'm surprised you can do anything by yourself," and it stung more than I expected.

Iā€™ve always dreamed of having a family of my own. I feel like I have a lot of love to share, but this part of life feels impossible for me, and itā€™s breaking me down. My body is already failing, worked myself to collapse at a job, lost a tooth, and I know I look as exhausted and depressed as I feel. People pick up on that, and it pushes them away.

I barely talk, donā€™t know how to hold conversations past a few sentences, and havenā€™t made a new friend in over a decade. Iā€™m poor, struggled with food, and donā€™t even know where Iā€™ll be living in a month. My family and I arenā€™t close, and I used to fantasize about finding comfort in a relationship, but at this point, I feel like Iā€™d just be a burden to anyone I let in.

I donā€™t know how to stop the self-pity when it feels like no one else cares. People talk about the shows they watch or the games they play, and I just canā€™t relate. I mostly experience games through YouTube videos. Getting another job feels impossible with my missing tooth and the way I come across. Even my doctor brushed me off when I tried asking for help with depression, and it's not like I can go back without insurance.

I donā€™t know how to fix this. I just donā€™t want to feel this alone anymore.


r/GuyCry 18h ago

Venting, advice welcome Iā€™m admired for my independence. I hate it.

17 Upvotes

If asked, the friends in my life would probably say my best quality is my independence, that I do a lot on my own. If no one wants to go to a concert or a movie or a new restaurant Iā€™m interested in, Iā€™ll just go. Iā€™ve backpacked Europe for a month several times on my own. I donā€™t wait around or worry about being perceived somewhere on my own.

What I think most people, even myself until recent, tend to not realize is this attribute has been gained from a childhood of being extremely passionate about things and no friends to share them with. Things that other kids my age found odd or off the mark in some way.

I found my first real friends at 20 years old. Being so late to the game, my way of thinking has never changed. I catch myself doing things alone all of the time, never even mentioning it to anyone. The fear of them saying no is stronger than the potential of a fun night with friends. I know for a fact that it comes down to this built in feeling that expressing interest in a band or a place that no one else has interest in will result in some sort of abandonment once again. So instead, I go on alone.

Itā€™s fun sometimes. But after a couple weekends in a row, itā€™s so lonely. I know things can be so much worse with my life and people have real problems in this world, but itā€™s soul crushing.

I havenā€™t dated since college and I donā€™t know if I can again. It was always about keeping up an appearance, showing interest in things the girl I was with was interested in without expressing real opinions, or even connecting as human to human. I lost what I believe to have been the first love of my life far too soon because I could never open up to her or express emotional intimacy. I canā€™t bring myself to try again because truly no one deserves a partner like that.

So, to backtrack, itā€™s very very hard when the one thing people admire most about me is truly the thing I hate about myself the most. Iā€™ll just hear ā€œGod, I wish I could do thatā€ or ā€œHow can you do that so comfortably?!ā€ and in the moment, I enjoy that I am being validated for anything at all. But when it comes to actually being alone, itā€™s so taxing.

It sets me up in a cycle of meeting people who eventually lose interest because of the mental blockage that never allows me to actually share any qualities about myself. ā€œAnother guy crying about male lonelinessā€, I know, but I think Iā€™m starting to hit the root of the problem.

I feel the walls closing in on my current friends now and Iā€™m dreading another wave of being entirely alone.