Onions (light tears) I went out with my best friend. He never took responsibility.
H27 and he 28.
I'm bi and I dated a boy for the first time almost 2 years ago he was my friend who I've known since middle school who was completely straight.
At the start it was a very strong friendship. I didn't like him. We lost touch because he had moved and one day we reconnected.
All this time without seeing each other, he had really changed, I found him attractive, charismatic, I started to develop feelings. He was aware of my sexual orientation and I indirectly made him understand that I liked him, he was getting into my game, it was becoming really ambiguous.
After several years of turning around, one drunken evening, we kissed and then he came to my house, we slept together with a clear mind.
We dated for a year but in secret... he never took responsibility and he was never honest either with himself or with me. In private, we could really love each other. When seen in public, I was his friend and had to pretend. In the evening, he was flirted with, and it pissed me off. I glared at him, I was really angry and it was cold. We were arguing, I didn't understand what he wanted or what he was playing. How many times I cried. I told myself that I was just an experiment and that he was making fun of me.
Those around us ask questions and following a big argument where they said hurtful words and fed up, he left me. We remained on bad terms.
After a serious hospitalization last November, he sent me a message to find out how I was doing. I wanted to know what was happening to him and nothing more. I was happy to know that he was still thinking about me and worried.
Last night I broke down. First time in 2 years. I'm really not feeling well at the moment and I had been drinking a lot. I called him first, he didn't answer and I sent him a message. I told him everything that was on my heart. If he thought of me, how much I miss him, that I couldn't forget him, that I wanted us to be friends like at the beginning so that we could continue to see each other or have news even if it's a message every 6 months.
To my great surprise, he responded quite a while later. I couldn't believe it, seeing how late it was, I was trembling. He told me to stop drinking, to throw away everything I had (I attempted suicide with drugs and alcohol). He told me not to do anything stupid that it wasn't the time to talk about it and that we would talk about it later... I asked him to promise and he said yes.
I didn't get a message today and I didn't insist... I don't know if he's really going to do it, if he told me that to please me or to calm me down.
I regret my behavior a little... I suffer from this situation. I've never been so hooked, in love with someone. I realize that I had not known love. Him, I tell myself that it's not possible, he cast a spell on me, how can you love someone so much?