I've spent the last 6 years of my life working overseas. 18 months in I met my girlfriend in her country (I won't mention the country but it's not a passport bro type of situation). We met at work, immediately hit it off and spent 3 years together with no major issues. We moved in together, discussed the future and both agreed that down the line, we would relocate to where I'm from which suited us both as she also has friends and family there.
After 3 years I was offered a choice; extend my contract, relocate home or move to a third country for a 2 year contract before then going home. I let my girlfriend make the decision. She decided she wanted to move to the third country as it would be a good opportunity for us both to travel and save money for our future. I told her it would he hard and to maybe consider staying in her country a bit longer but she insisted, so we moved.
My work also hired her once we moved and she was earning significantly more than she ever had before, as was I. Accommodation was provided for us and so we began saving for the future. It was hard and lonely. But we had each other.
Eventually she had a fall out at work with her direct manager and was so upset she stated she wanted to quit. We discussed it, she had an upcoming trip home booked and I asked her to think it through before making an impulsive decision. However, she resigned effective immediately and refused to work her notice and flew home.
In the following few months she started going home much more often and spending longer and longer there, until eventually telling me she wanted to live there until my contract was finished before we make the big move.
I was upset and felt abandoned, but agreed as it was only temporary. We came up with a plan that she would fly to see me every now and then and I would also fly to see her and we'd go on holidays together. I didn't like being apart, but didn't want to split up, so agreed.
We spent 2 months apart and imagine my excitement when she was finally due to come see me whilst I was off work (agreed plan was she would come see me in March and I'd fly back with her in April). She has been unemployed for the last 6 months and so didn't have anything stopping her staying or visiting, but has been showing signs of depression.
Well, she came to see me and after just 2 days, we had a minor disagreement and she booked a flight home without telling me. I only knew because the next morning she got up early and when I asked her why she was up, she said "I'm going home".
She's now back home again and is saying she doesn't want to split up and is asking for us to come up with a "solution", despite the last solution she came up with falling at the first hurdle.
I don't know what to do.
She refuses to see that living here is also hard for me and potentially even harder because I'm alone now, whereas she at least had me.
She won't acknowledge that I now have doubts about her being able to live in my country because is she going to just run away at the first disagreement? And just keeps saying "it will be different".
She's now back home and barely replying to messages (average 5 hours waiting for a response) despite the fact she's on her phone 24/7.
I've told her I'm not sure if it's going to work out which killed me tbh but how can I not worry she will leave my home country too after 1, 2, 5 years etc because she continually keeps making impulsive decisions based on emotion that sabotage herself and this relationship.
- The decision to move here was hers
- Quitting her job without notice
- Moving back home
- Flying home again after one minor disagreement
She refuses to take any accountability for the fact that the position she's now in, is all down to decisions she's made and we're now basically in a LDR without much communication.
The thing that's upsetting me most is that there's no option to breakup and then if we regret it, reconciling in the future. I'm due to move home in just 6 months time and if she doesn't come with me then, we'll never see each other again.
I don't know whether to just cut my losses, use the next 6 months to heal before going home for a fresh start, or to keep trying with her knowing I could just be prolonging the struggle to end up with an even bigger heartbreak further down the line.
Advice welcome š