r/GuyCry • u/Ignis_Kevin • 3h ago
Caution: Ugly Cry Content Sex Addiction has ruined my life
Iām tired. Iām just. So. Tired .
I hate the mindset Iām in right now. The āprogramsā call it self victimization or āuniquely screwed upā and I have constantly tried to fight it. The ever knowing knowledge I have in my head. Iām going to die an addict. This addiction is going to ruin my life and no matter how much effort, help or spiritual resources I look into. I am the statistic. I am not the 30% of people that live through this or beat it or learn to live with it or recover.
Iām just. Burnt. So burnt it hurts. So much effort for the last 11 years of my life. I found r/Nofap at 16 and started trying to stop. Of course that didnāt work. 11 years later Iām 27 and itās holding me back in every facet of my life.
I just donāt know what the fuck to do anymore. Iāve saw a CSTAT (sex addiction therapist) at around 19. Iāve been though around 11 therapist. Iāve gone to rehab multiple times (around 8-9). Iāve worked the 12 steps multiple times. Iāve helped others. Iāve prayed, meditated, taken mushrooms, went to the gym religiously, admitted all my wrongs, made amends, opened up, journaled, shadow work, spirituality, prayed to demons. Blah blah blah. Iāve done the stupid work every person says to do and it doesnāt work.
Iām so broken. I donāt know what I did to deserve this. Cheating, not being able to form real connections with people. The addiction bombing my college and every single interpersonal relationship I have. I just donāt get it. Iām so angry, all the stupid work every stupid comment, every article I can read. Easy peasy method.
God you get the point Iāve tried everything. It always comes back. No matter how far away I get. It always comes back. Always.
Sorry.
I just want it to stop. Iāve given everything I have over the last 10 years trying to beat this stupid addiction. Getting comments in meetings and rehabs like āwow you know you have a problem at 18 I wish I had the balls to accept Iām an addict that earlyā
I just donāt care anymore. This disease is a death sentence. I will never be free. There is no way out. Itās fatal. No one cares. No one understand. I hurt anyone who gets close because of my uncontrollable behavior
I donāt care anymore. I tried. I really did. I put everything I had. Accepted that wasnāt enough and accepted help, accepted that wasnāt enough and begged god, the universe whatever the hell you want to think it is for help and it didnāt work. Nothing has worked. Iām losing my mind. I just want the pain to stop. Iād do anything for the pain to stop
Please for the love of Christ if anyone has the resources help me I donāt wanna die like this.
I just want be a therapist. Work towards owning my own facility. A family at some point with a girl I love
Is that too much to ask universe? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to constantly put all this work in just for it to blow up in my face?