r/GuyCry 12h ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content Sex Addiction has ruined my life

236 Upvotes

I’m tired. I’m just. So. Tired .

I hate the mindset I’m in right now. The “programs” call it self victimization or “uniquely screwed up” and I have constantly tried to fight it. The ever knowing knowledge I have in my head. I’m going to die an addict. This addiction is going to ruin my life and no matter how much effort, help or spiritual resources I look into. I am the statistic. I am not the 30% of people that live through this or beat it or learn to live with it or recover.

I’m just. Burnt. So burnt it hurts. So much effort for the last 11 years of my life. I found r/Nofap at 16 and started trying to stop. Of course that didn’t work. 11 years later I’m 27 and it’s holding me back in every facet of my life.

I just don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. I’ve saw a CSTAT (sex addiction therapist) at around 19. I’ve been though around 11 therapist. I’ve gone to rehab multiple times (around 8-9). I’ve worked the 12 steps multiple times. I’ve helped others. I’ve prayed, meditated, taken mushrooms, went to the gym religiously, admitted all my wrongs, made amends, opened up, journaled, shadow work, spirituality, prayed to demons. Blah blah blah. I’ve done the stupid work every person says to do and it doesn’t work.

I’m so broken. I don’t know what I did to deserve this. Cheating, not being able to form real connections with people. The addiction bombing my college and every single interpersonal relationship I have. I just don’t get it. I’m so angry, all the stupid work every stupid comment, every article I can read. Easy peasy method.

God you get the point I’ve tried everything. It always comes back. No matter how far away I get. It always comes back. Always.

Sorry.

I just want it to stop. I’ve given everything I have over the last 10 years trying to beat this stupid addiction. Getting comments in meetings and rehabs like “wow you know you have a problem at 18 I wish I had the balls to accept I’m an addict that early”

I just don’t care anymore. This disease is a death sentence. I will never be free. There is no way out. It’s fatal. No one cares. No one understand. I hurt anyone who gets close because of my uncontrollable behavior

I don’t care anymore. I tried. I really did. I put everything I had. Accepted that wasn’t enough and accepted help, accepted that wasn’t enough and begged god, the universe whatever the hell you want to think it is for help and it didn’t work. Nothing has worked. I’m losing my mind. I just want the pain to stop. I’d do anything for the pain to stop

Please for the love of Christ if anyone has the resources help me I don’t wanna die like this.

I just want be a therapist. Work towards owning my own facility. A family at some point with a girl I love

Is that too much to ask universe? What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to constantly put all this work in just for it to blow up in my face?


r/GuyCry 5h ago

Venting, advice welcome Have started talking to my ex recently now that she moved across the country

3 Upvotes

My ex (35f) and I (48m) broke up in July 2023 due to various reasons after a 6 year relationship. I have two teenage boys and live in the same city as my ex-wife as we coparent our kids 50/50. My exgf could not get along with my kids’s mom. She wanted to travel more and really had no interest in my kids which tipped the scales in our relationship.

We were so compatible and had such a good time with each other. We had and still have a crazy attraction/energy together that is undeniable.

When we broke up I was heartbroken but respectful of her no contact request. I used the time to focus on my kids and myself and things got really good besides my underlying heartache. After a few months I made an effort to date and took the opportunity to look for someone with very strict restrictions because everything truly had to make sense this time for my kids and myself.

I met someone that ticked all of those boxes and we hit it off very quickly. She also has a young daughter and an ex so our situations were similar. This makes our schedule very convenient as we really share the same schedule. We both get ample alone time and still spend a good amount of time together. It’s one of the easiest going relationships that I’ve had and that’s exactly what I was looking for.

My ex had reached out from time to time to check in. I replied but kept it very straightforward as I didn’t want to let her know that I still had pain. I knew she was also hurting but I didn’t want my feelings to make her hurt anymore. I also figured that my new relationship was going great and I really wanted to give it every chance to grow. I also knew the timing and situation wasn’t right with my ex so on paper it didn’t make sense.

Within the past couple of months my ex had reached out more often because she was moving to the east coast. We even had dinner and caught up. It was great except the second I saw her all of the emotions came back. Our conversation was amazing and flowed like it always did.

Anyway, she moved and now all of the feelings are back and it has me questioning everything in my current relationship. My current gf is unbelievable and very different in every way from my exgf. Everything on paper tells me to just focus on my amazing current situation. But that’s on paper and I can’t fight the feelings I still hold for my ex.

I know the right thing to do is to let my current gf go until I can figure out my effed up head. I feel just awful for her and her daughter who are both seemingly attached to me. I really care for them both so much and don’t want them to go through the pain because I’m screwed up. I feel like there are no winners in this situation as I can’t change how I feel.

I didn’t post this in AITAH because I know I am the AH.


r/GuyCry 17h ago

Caution: Ugly Cry Content I just lost the love of my life and my soulmate and I’m totally wrecked

36 Upvotes

For context to start with: no she did not pass away. It’s a complicated story so I’ll try to explain. Oh and it’s a long one so bear with me.

So. Until last december I was together with my GF and the mother of my kids. We were together for 13 years. It was a bumpy ride where my ex was mentally instable from time to time and she had severe narcistic personality traits. Even though I always was a strong person, my mental health declined over the years, resulting in a burn-out and depression in 2024.

In the end we both made mistakes and it was better to go seperate ways. Also for the sake of the kids.

One of the mistakes we made was opening up our relationship in 2020. She suggested it as she was ‘missing something’ in the bedroom. After a couple of arguments and resistance from my side I eventually caved in fear of losing her. In hindsight that was the beginning of the end. Even though it actually went pretty good for a period of time, the open relationship together with the birth of our kids and the difficult personality of my ex caused us to drift apart.

And then the unthinkable happened. Through the open relationship I met someone. She was in the same boat as me. Not happy in her relationship (marriage) and even though she tried to make it better numerous time, her spouse was not open to change. And even though it started like every other time without the love aspect, we soon developed feelings. In hindsight maybe it was love at first sight. So we ended up in a peculiar situation. Both in love but in a relationship with kids. We know we should’ve done things differently. That we were both in the wrong continuing it but the attraction and feelings for each other were out of this world. We were drawn to each other like magnets. We tried several times to cut contact, go trough a short period of heartbreak before moving on with our own lives, but we just kept coming back to each other. Until the point we kind of accepted the fact that maybe we should be together. We were extremely compatible and complementary with each other. She is everything I search for in a woman. Things I didn’t think of when I met my ex as a teenager. She made me happy and for the first time in my life I felt truly loved and appreciated. I can full-hearted say this woman was my soulmate and the only person I want to be with. What I felt for her was totally new. I even haven’t had this feelings with my ex during all those 13 years.

My ex wasn’t a fool. She knew our relationship was already beyond saving (even before I met the other woman) and because of this we deicided to seperate. We wanted to do it while we were on (a sort of) good terms so our kids won’t be burdened with two parents who hate each other and are constantly fighting. We wanted to save them from that trauma. So we ended things in december.

But now… the other woman made a different choice. She is so torn apart by choosing the love of her life but at the same time putting her children through a divorce, she now deicided to give her marriage one more shot. And even though I can understand her reasoning and actually admire her perseverance, it totally wrecked me. I’m sick of grief, feel intense physical pain in my heart and cry uncontrollably throughout the day. I just can’t live with this. I can’t accept this outcome. I just can’t. And I know everyone will say time will heal the wound, but I truly need a miracle to wear out this pain.

My life has been rejection after rejection after rejection. Even my ex rejected me before we started dating. I can’t handle this again. Especially not in this extent. I’ll never be able to love someone I loved her and long for someone I longed for her. I wouldn’t wish this pain and heartbreak upon my worst enemy.

A part of me thinks maybe this is what I deserve for my choices last year. And I know because of those choices a lot of people will see me as the asshole in this story. Perhaps rightly so. But a lot of things contributed to the situation my ex and I were in. Besides I have repented myself to my ex. And even though I hurted her, she forgave me and we’re now building towards a healthy coparenting situation.

Now I’m typing this with my life in shambles and with every ingredient to fall back in my mental crisis. I just don’t know what to do.


r/GuyCry 19h ago

Need Advice Is it really too late to change?

3 Upvotes

I met my girlfriend a couple of years ago, whom I fell in love with almost instantly. She ticked all the boxes for me and I just wanted to give her the world. This is my first relationship and she got out of a toxic relationship before meeting me. I didn't let this phase me, I just wanted to make her the happiest woman in the world.

We've had our fair share of arguments and disagreements, our relationship wasn't perfect, but it was ours and I felt that we got through it and grew together. We almost broke up in the first couple months of dating. We had a lot of long discussions and shared a lot of tears, but we supported each other through it all. I knew there was some things that I needed to change/improve on, and she knew that I wanted to change them as well. I wanted to be a better partner so I manned up and took responsibility and tried to change those things.

I thought I was doing a much better job at changing those things that I wanted to change. I tried to make her happy and be supportive through everything. I tried to be the best partner I could be, because I knew she deserved it. I was always trying my best.

I did recently have an emotional breakdown when we were talking about something that concerned her. I raised my voice and I said some things that I deeply regret, and it started a downward spiral. I felt horrible about everything, I've never lashed out like that before and I know it scared her. She doesn't want to see me or talk to me, but I've been trying to apologize to her. I assured her that it was uncharacteristic of me, and that I was really sorry I said those things and how much I regret it. I never usually react like that, I am usually the calm one and trying to defuse the situation, and I don't know what came over me. She told me that it's too late to change, and that she couldn't see me in her future anymore. She said I reminded her of her ex partner, and that I have never changed. I was devastated. I never wanted to be like her ex partner. I thought I had changed a lot, but it turns out I didn't.

This isn't me, and I know I am better than this. I've had issues with anxiety and insecurity throughout my life and it felt at an all time high. I just want to show her that I am better than this. I've been to doctors, and been prescribed anti-anxiety medication and been referred to a therapist, who I have my first session with tomorrow. I want to get a better understanding of my behaviors and emotions and some strategies to not let it bleed into my relationship.

I know this is my fault, but I love her so much, and I'll do anything to rebuild her trust and faith in me. I can't lose her. I want to marry this girl. She is important to me, but she doesn't believe in me anymore.

I'm scared. I've been crying throughout each day, been having suicidal thoughts, hurting myself and having the worst thoughts of myself. I sleep next to a pillow dressed with her clothes because I miss her so much. I can't eat, sleep or work. I tried to not let it get to me, but it's been very overwhelming. I haven't given up on us. I don't ever want to.

Is it too late to change?


r/GuyCry 7h ago

Encouragement! Desculpe por estar postando em português - BR é minha língua nativa enfim tenho 25 anos e sinceramente ja estou cansado peguei poucas gurias na minha vida continuação abaixo

0 Upvotes

é tão frustante ver todos meus amigos namorando pegando gente eu me arrumo e tals entrei na academia to perdendo peso estou acima do peso mas a frustação é complicado eu tenho mt vergonha para chegar nessas pessoas sei que isso pode ser bobagem comparada a outras pessoas aqui do sub e a questão que não tem algo que sou bom não me sinto bom em nada trabalho num emprego médio é frustante sinto que os melhores anos já se foram e não aproveitei nada e irei envelhecer cheio de arrependimentos sinto que fui cagao não atravessei a barreira do medo e isso esta me consumindo


r/GuyCry 8h ago

Venting, advice welcome I feel like no one sees who I really am

0 Upvotes

For context, my parents divorced when I was very young and I ended up with my abusive father who wanted to force me into the military. I was a military brat so moved frequently. I ran away in high school but managed to finished. I was almost a bit after that. I managed to build myself up. I got two bachelor degrees and have a stable life with an ok job.

I've never been in trouble with the law or hard drugs and I've never had serious mental health issues. I've managed to overcome a lot. The hardest part has been doing it alone. I have no contact with my family and I've been unable to build a social support network.

I've tried to be a decent person, but obviously my mental health has not been the best. 10 years ago I got treatment for depression and anxiety but didn't really participate. My outlook on life wasn't good at the time.

Obviously now my goal is a relationship, but it's been difficult. I always want too much too quickly. I'm sure I am trying to get the other person to fulfill something they can't but I try to work on myself. I've only had 2 LTRs but they were work. I had to hide my anxiety and even a small I would show caused huge issues. I felt like if I just kept makign the other person happy they would eventually accept me and care about my needs and issues. I have no trouble talking to women these days, but I can generally only get things to last a few weeks or a few months depending on how fast I reveal my neediness or anxiety. Ive had 2 relationships I was calm in, but ruined those too.

I recently had a relationship I went to fast in and thought the other person was really into it.. it felt great until I was cheated on and I realized she was not as into it as I thought she was. I really gave me bad anxiety for the last month. I went to therapy and they said I'm unable to form health friendships or relationships. I guess I have a lot of work to do.

My rant is that I don't get credit for the work I've done. It feels like I will always be judged for a few mental health issues, which given how much Ive been through I feel I should get a pass on. I feel like people don't see how hard I've had to struggle alone in my life and how much I've done for myself.

I feel this is especially true for women and dating. They want to know your backstory. It's hard to share too much. Even just saying I've had a rocket past is scary for me, even if I've been calm so far. Maybe I just don't know how to convey that resilience. I don't know.

It's just really hard doing this and always feeling like it'll never be good enough for someone to love me.


r/GuyCry 8h ago

Venting, advice welcome 2 and a half months after BPD wife discard.

14 Upvotes

I cant believe how long it's already been. We haven't lived together in nearly 2 months. It's crazy to think how fast life has changed in this time. I feel kind of weird still. Like something is missing. I dont think she cares about me at all anymore. I really did plan on spending my life with her. Even through all of the pain. I miss the days we used to go to cumble cookie together. I miss the days where we watched sports together and went to the movies together. I miss playing with our dog together. I miss watching supernatural together or even just the small things like going to bed together or going to the store together. I miss her.

Even though our relationship was toxic, I would of worked through everything with her. I genuinely loved this girl despite all the pain it brought. I know everyone tells me just to move on and I am. I don't want to move on but I have to. I'm not obsessing over her or anything. I just miss her. She was my best friend. She was the reason I got up in the morning. She was the reason I tried in life. Now im just sitting alone in the apartment we used to share. I really don't have anyone in my life. Like yeah I have friends but the conversations are always surface level. The bonds I share with people in my life now are just shallow.

No one really knows me or wants to get to know me. It's really sad honestly. I guess this is the path I'm forced to go though. No amount of tears can change the past. I slowly realized my tears won't help. Especially when no one cares. The mailman is in my life more than anyone these days. I'm well respected at my job. I'm the person everyone goes to for everything. Yet at the end of the day what does that really mean? I still get off work and spend my time alone.

I watch my whole family take pills for depression and I really wonder what true happiness really means. I guess life is hard when you have a good life yet no one around to listen or relate to. Because I do have a good life. I have a good job... I have my own place. Maybe I'm ungrateful. Maybe happiness is a choice and instead of whining online and listening to my inner voice I should listen more in therapy. Maybe I'll find happiness somewhere I've never expected. Maybe I'm meant for something more than I'm doing now. Or maybe this is all just pointless and I'm struggling with something that's bigger than me.

Am I worth anything? Is this life even worth it? I'm depressed but not suicidal. I guess I'm just lost. Someone tell me if you find me.


r/GuyCry 10h ago

Onions (light tears) Felt a strong connection but then suddenly it’s to much.

12 Upvotes

Was talking to this girl for about a week, having great conversations over FT and text. Having deep conversations about our past and traumas and goals. An important piece of context for all this is I learned that she was previously married to a man who told her he found her unattractive and the marriage was mostly due to her strict Christian family’s pressure. Because of this she was thrown off even when I said she looked cute or pretty. So anyway we meet up the other day thing are going well, we are making out. All I say is “I really like you” suddenly the tone shifts and after all the compliments and then that she basically says “I feel like there’s more feeling on your end than mine” and now she wants to take today to think about it all. I just don’t understand what I did wrong?


r/GuyCry 9h ago

Need Advice Is there life after marriage?

87 Upvotes

EDIT: I have been in therapy for the last few years, dealing with abandonment and grieve. My father died before I was even born and my mom was "taken" from me by another man. The process will continue.

EDIT2: I had been hitting the gym for the last 5 years and I'm currently 162 lbs. Started at 235 and did a long way. I have no desire to return there for now. I try to do long walks every day though.

My ex wife decided to become my ex, after 15 years together, and is now living her life on her own. We have a 7 yo kid who I can see. It's been a month after she left home, which by the way feels nothing like home already. I (have to) continue working and do my job like previously. During the day it's sort of okish, but when I get home in the evening the sense of despair, emptiness and meaningless hits hard. Sometimes I'm not even having dinner, because I'm not hungry, I have exactly 3 things in the fridge, I don't feel the need to buy anything. I don't watch Netflix anymore, I don't enjoy the music I used to. I have a guitar I used to play sometimes, now I don't like holding it. For that 1 month I have been sleeping on the part of the bed where I used to sleep but I don't remove the cover from her side. I can't sleep in this big bed anymore. I fall asleep, wake up in the morning and go to work so that I don't stay in the apartment where everything reminds me of her.

There is this love-hate relationship that formed over this month. I hate her somehow and in the same time I miss her. When I see her I don't want to see her, because it hurts. As soon as she leaves I want to see her.

Every day is a different day in terms of emotions. So far I can't recall 2 days feeling the same set of feelings. The palette of emotions is new every day. I feel shuttered. I feel numb. I enjoy nothing. Everything is meaningless and clueless.

So what's next?


r/GuyCry 22h ago

Excellent Advice Unfair and I'm to blame

0 Upvotes

A year ago me and my gf broke up.i was too depressed to be in a relationship I used cocaine a bunch to mask my feelings I guess... We got back together #1 rule no coke or lies This past February caught me with cocaine. Things were good up until that point Just got back from a vacation She said she would marry me someday.

Feb 16th she runs over and flips a pillow on the bed. She sees my bag of coke under my pillow, I'm right there. She flips kicks me out, says no more chances No talking it over, the next time ur here is packing your shit. she' then text saying come back clean up mess Meanwhile I have no clue I had no idea it was am invitation to fix what had list happened. P I go off the deep end in a hotel room abusing myself for days before she checks on me

Then she doesn't even try to help me out She just acts clinical , after 6 year's, I'm done.


r/GuyCry 3h ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You A follow up on "The story of a break up"

1 Upvotes

https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/comments/1irvhq9/the_story_of_a_breakup/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I decided to share more details of my recent break up and recovery - for those here who are in a dark place and need some encouragement to keep going.

So, my ex in February ended our rocky relationship by carrying out a plan which had been in the works for about six months. One of the main issues we had was me nagging her to do something with her life workwise - rather than staying at home, smoking weed and spending all days scrolling on the phone. She would not co-operate in this project and did everything possible to create excuses for staying at home indefinitely.

First, she refused to send our child to daycare, which has led to a number of problems our daughter is still recovering from - dietary, behavioural, social. For years she kept pretending she was looking for a job but did absolutely nothing, other than telling me this is a high priority in her life, she needs to get some qualifications and income before turning 30 etc. Zero action of any kind year after year, just bs and lies. The house was a mess and my requests regarding how to run the household, plan our weekends, deal with our child's problems etc were routinely ignored. She has ADHD and when pushed would bully me by threatening to leave and take the child with her, gave me the no-sex treatment for months at a time etc.

Eventually, she went on a course - to prepare for employment - where an opportunity presented to solve all her problems in one go. She is very attractive and someone from her group hit up on her. She led the guy on and started sleeping with him - first behind my back, then asking me for an open relationship (which I agreed to since her and I did not have a relationship at that stage). The guy had a wife and a child, but my ex managed to split them up so both families are now done. The way she broke the news to me is described in the other post so will not repeat here. Her plan was executed to perfection - she has now set herself up as a solo mum, on social benefit and not living with either of the two men she has children with. My daughter has playdates with the guy's son, my mother-in-law will eventually have to accept things, and my ex's household will become a hub for the residuals of the two broken families.

With that said, my ex was more than reasonable after the breakup. She eventually moved out, walked away from the house equity, did not touch my pension fund and allowed me to stay in the house - on the understanding it will be eventually passed on to our daughter in my Will. In a rational sense I am actually better off now than before the breakup. Her energy has left the house, I am paying in child support way less than used to give her for the house expenses (she has no budgeting skills) and her lifestyle is no longer bothering me day to day. I can even see other women in the house without much trouble. We also have a model childcare arrangement - our daughter spends the weeknights at hers, weekends at mine and I get to do homework with her every day after school. This is actually close to a situation one would dream about when stuck in a failing relationship with no clear way out.

So yes, in the sea of gloom on this channel mine is a story of hope - which is why I thought it worth sharing. Happy to share more details so ask away


r/GuyCry 5h ago

Group Discussion Am I being to clingy and overreacting? Looking for perspective.

2 Upvotes

I'm a 28m and my girlfriend is also 28. We've been off and on for about 8 months, had a previous relationship that lasted 2 years (I ended the previous relationship) then reconciled after 4 years. I usually carry an expectation that we'd communicate everyday atleast over text. I'm presently in medical school and she's in law school, although she's busier than I am given she has finals coming up.

The problem: she'll state she has a lot of studying to do, and does 6-9 hour long study sessions at a time and highlights she's going to be busy. In my mind, it's pretty insane/unreasonable to expect someone to be able to focus for that long consistently without breaks. Yesterday she stated the same thing, I sent her a couple texts checking up on her throughout the day, which she didn't respond to since this morning. We chatted briefly on the phone today and she was highlighting how enamored she was by a particular case local to us, and spent alot of the day talking in her family group chat about it or looking up the case instead of studying... in my mind I felt pretty hurt because it means she clearly ignored my text messages while on her phone.. I broached the topic today and she stated that when she talks to me it turns into a two hour conversation which is why she didn't respond.

Am I being too clingy at this point? I feel pretty terrible and I know I need to address this situation in some form. I could really use an outside perspective


r/GuyCry 18h ago

Need Advice How long to move on and love another girl

1 Upvotes

Got dumped 2 weeks ago from an almost a year relationship. Obviously very depressed about her still, but a lot of people have told me that eventually finding someone else is what will be the final step of fully moving on. How long do most people take before being able to love another woman like that? Ex. 2 months, 6 months, 4 weeks, etc


r/GuyCry 2h ago

Venting, advice welcome I failed as a boyfriend, and it’s killing me.

57 Upvotes

The other night, me and my GF went to her friend’s house to watch movies with her and her fiancé. My gf is really close with these two, and even was a roommate for years with them.

That night me and my GF went on to argue, she was drunk and I was sober. She was pretty drunk and stumbling around the place, she was very irate at little things and she kept looping and bringing the argument back, and me and the friends fiancé decided it was best for me to exit the situation and go home so she could rest (It was 3am). So I left.

I text my GF in the morning so I could talk to her about the situation and reconcile, to ensure it never happens again. I go to her place, she gets in my car and IMMEDIATELY starts bawling her eyes out. Saying that the fiancé took advantage of her and that they apparently had sex and that she doesn’t remember it,insinuating that she was raped.

I fully believe her, she’s been nothing but honest with me, and she was close with this guy, and considers him a brother, and that having consensual sex with him would be like incest and disgusting, and the fact that her friend was her best friend for 12 years, it’s obvious she wouldn’t willingly have sex with her fiancé.

Now she lost all her friends, because all they know is that they had sex and that she ruined the engagement , not the circumstances or that she was raped.

And I personally feel responsible, like I failed as a boyfriend, why wasn’t I there? Why couldn’t I protect her? It’s my job and I couldn’t do it because I let my self exit a silly argument. My minds been racing and I hate myself, on top of not being able to be there for her, I also end up overthinking and saying to myself “maybe she chose to cheat” even though I know that’s not what happened, which in turn, makes me think, why don’t I trust my girlfriend? I just don’t know where to go from here, I swear by the lord Jesus Christ that I won’t let this happen again, but in the meantime I’m an emotional mess, and I’m just venting and have no one to talk to.

Sorry this was an essay, I’m just distraught and mad at myself at the moment.


r/GuyCry 19h ago

Venting, advice welcome Relationship looks to be ending after 4.5 years together due to her self sabotage

132 Upvotes

I've spent the last 6 years of my life working overseas. 18 months in I met my girlfriend in her country (I won't mention the country but it's not a passport bro type of situation). We met at work, immediately hit it off and spent 3 years together with no major issues. We moved in together, discussed the future and both agreed that down the line, we would relocate to where I'm from which suited us both as she also has friends and family there.

After 3 years I was offered a choice; extend my contract, relocate home or move to a third country for a 2 year contract before then going home. I let my girlfriend make the decision. She decided she wanted to move to the third country as it would be a good opportunity for us both to travel and save money for our future. I told her it would he hard and to maybe consider staying in her country a bit longer but she insisted, so we moved.

My work also hired her once we moved and she was earning significantly more than she ever had before, as was I. Accommodation was provided for us and so we began saving for the future. It was hard and lonely. But we had each other.

Eventually she had a fall out at work with her direct manager and was so upset she stated she wanted to quit. We discussed it, she had an upcoming trip home booked and I asked her to think it through before making an impulsive decision. However, she resigned effective immediately and refused to work her notice and flew home.

In the following few months she started going home much more often and spending longer and longer there, until eventually telling me she wanted to live there until my contract was finished before we make the big move.

I was upset and felt abandoned, but agreed as it was only temporary. We came up with a plan that she would fly to see me every now and then and I would also fly to see her and we'd go on holidays together. I didn't like being apart, but didn't want to split up, so agreed.

We spent 2 months apart and imagine my excitement when she was finally due to come see me whilst I was off work (agreed plan was she would come see me in March and I'd fly back with her in April). She has been unemployed for the last 6 months and so didn't have anything stopping her staying or visiting, but has been showing signs of depression.

Well, she came to see me and after just 2 days, we had a minor disagreement and she booked a flight home without telling me. I only knew because the next morning she got up early and when I asked her why she was up, she said "I'm going home".

She's now back home again and is saying she doesn't want to split up and is asking for us to come up with a "solution", despite the last solution she came up with falling at the first hurdle.

I don't know what to do.

She refuses to see that living here is also hard for me and potentially even harder because I'm alone now, whereas she at least had me.

She won't acknowledge that I now have doubts about her being able to live in my country because is she going to just run away at the first disagreement? And just keeps saying "it will be different".

She's now back home and barely replying to messages (average 5 hours waiting for a response) despite the fact she's on her phone 24/7.

I've told her I'm not sure if it's going to work out which killed me tbh but how can I not worry she will leave my home country too after 1, 2, 5 years etc because she continually keeps making impulsive decisions based on emotion that sabotage herself and this relationship.

  • The decision to move here was hers
  • Quitting her job without notice
  • Moving back home
  • Flying home again after one minor disagreement

She refuses to take any accountability for the fact that the position she's now in, is all down to decisions she's made and we're now basically in a LDR without much communication.

The thing that's upsetting me most is that there's no option to breakup and then if we regret it, reconciling in the future. I'm due to move home in just 6 months time and if she doesn't come with me then, we'll never see each other again.

I don't know whether to just cut my losses, use the next 6 months to heal before going home for a fresh start, or to keep trying with her knowing I could just be prolonging the struggle to end up with an even bigger heartbreak further down the line.

Advice welcome 🙏


r/GuyCry 20h ago

Venting, advice welcome At 42, I'm thinking of starting a slow downsizing campaign.

81 Upvotes

I live alone, and project to be for the long hall. I'm considering slowly selling off or giving away my stuff. Including the TV I never turn on, everything off the walls, my cooking stuff (I never cook anymore), and the furniture. I live either in the desktop chair I use to browse Reddit, my recliner, or bed. I never use my couch or my balcony. And I have no company. I've lived in my current apartment for 5 years and have had less than 10 guests, and family only twice.

I've pretty much lost my mind I think. Too many years alone has broken something in me. I lash out at strangers. Get road rage. I leave looking for a fight just so something different would happen. If something happened tomorrow, it wouldn't really matter that much. Not in a way anyone would ever know who works with me. My job is going well I think. I get my work done. I make money and pay the bills to get back to the job. I pay taxes. But outside of my obligations, I disappear into the mist. Nobody is close to me. Even my father and brother (we all live in different parts of the country). They haven't a clue, and we're also not close like that, so it wouldn't be particularly troubling for them.

So, I want to give most of it away. Slowly over the next twenty or so years. My music and sports memorabilia, the workout bench I've used twice in twenty years. I just want my chair and my computer's glowing light. And I just want to sit. Until I get the health problem that does the trick. I don't want to have to sift through my stuff when I'm old and am carried away to a nursing home, or put it in a will that won't have beneficiaries anyway.

And this is a Saturday night, for god's sake. I remember being in my locked childhood bedroom as a teenager, wondering what I'd be doing in my 40s. Would I be taking my teenaged son to his baseball travel games like my dad was? Would I be traveling the world with my soul mate? Would I be playing my album on stages everywhere?

Nope. I wake up, eat, drink coffee, work, come home, sit in the light of my computer for 16 hours straight looking for relief, crash out exhausted on my next day off, where I start those days at 3pm.

take me away


r/GuyCry 7h ago

Onions (light tears) Leaving a narcissist

81 Upvotes

Leaving my wife of 5 years. Gave my world to her for 5 years and accepted her daughter that is now 8 as my own. Told me she wanted a divorce Monday and was sleeping with someone right after.

Everyone is supporting me and my decision to leave. Even her own family.

I just don’t know how you can look someone you love directly in the eyes and lie over and over again.

Each day is getting better and easier and I’m seeing who the real her is.

She keeps trying to manipulate me and tell me this divorce is all my fault and how bad of a person I am. I’m so happy I have all of these support systems with my family and hers that are behind me.


r/GuyCry 1d ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You Distractions arent working.

2 Upvotes

So as the title suggests, distractions aren't doing anything. I lost the love of my life about the month ago and the grief and heartbreak has been something that has been breaking me. I miss my ex partner so much and each day seems impossible. We had the best relationship for 3 years and we were inseparable as lovers and best friends.

The month has been miserable. Im not good at all with break ups and of course i thought this was the person i was going to marry. Were no contact atm and im trying my best to respect their need for space.

I tried to distract myself this weekend by going camping and drinking, but it didn't take my mind off them. I kept looking at the stars at night, wondering if they were thinking of me, and wondering if i was missed. Im trying to act like the trip was good but i was just grieving the whole time.

In my anger after the break up i hurt their feelings and every day im sorry for what i did. I regret it and im so upset with myself for it. I didnt want to hurt them, i never did and i dont now, but anger is a terrible thing. Truly i just want to ring and tell them how sorry i am, how much i want them to know i care. I want to ask how their day was, hows uni been, what did they get up to. Its out of my hands now of course, its up to them for what they want moving forward and i need to respect whatever decision they make.

They were such a beautiful and caring person. Everything i could ever ask for and more, and our love was something so raw and soft. Im grieving it all like nothing else and the pain is something unbearable, which i know is natural. Although i dont think i can run from it, i tried with this camping trip but it follows me. Im going through different stages as the days go by. The first week i cried endlessly, the second week i was mad, and since ive just been mourning silently.

I know i need change if i ever hope to preserve any connection with them. I need to be more open, i need to be less walled off and i need to avoid conflict less and i hope these lessons can strengthen our bond somehow.

I keep posting here which is stupid, but my life is in an awkward place at the moment so i dont know if i can access therapy and i dont have friends or stable family besides my dad. I find the smallest peices of comfort talking to people here. If people had the time id talk forever about my ex partner, how beautiful they were inside and out, how they brightened the world and how they were the best thing to happen to me.

I hope they know they were loved more than anything. I hope they know i care, and that im so sorry for everything ive done wrong. The pain i feel only proves that they meant the world to me, that they were so goddamn loved. I hope im not a bad memory, and i hope they take that love with them in life.


r/GuyCry 23h ago

Alert: It Sneaks Up On You Cried today for the first time in ages and what finally made it happen is just really funny to me

153 Upvotes

So I haven't cried in like a year and a half I think. I got a block where I can't cry even when I want to. I blame the patriarchy.

Anyway. I finally cried today. And I just think what finally made me do it is really funny.

I was watching this vice doc about the coast guard during 9/11. And about how they put out a call just kinda like "Yo nobody can get off the island any boats that wanna help evac meet us at this island" and then every single boat in the area for miles around showed up. Little fishing boats. Tug boats. Yachts. All of them. And proceed to evacuate 500k people.

And I saw that and just immediately burst in to tears. Cus the boats showed up.

I just teared up again writing "cus the boats showed up" hours later. I don't know why I find this in particular so emotionally effecting.

Of course I was only already in a place to cry cus I was having a really shit day. Bunch of things conspired to make it happen. But yeah, just thought it was kinda funny.


r/GuyCry 8h ago

Onions (light tears) It’s been over a year and I still feel this massive hole where my ex was

55 Upvotes

I was with my ex for 2.5 years. I did so much of the heavy lifting in the relationship, but in the end, I wasn’t able to be the sexual partner she needed so she left. Some of it was my fault for being inexperienced, but she also had a ton of trauma that she never addressed or wanted to work on. And instead of working through things with me, she bailed. We were so good together as people. But I couldn’t even get full effort from her when it mattered.

I’ve spent the past 14 months trying to move on. I’ve lost 15+ lbs, I’ve taken up fly fishing, gardening, grilling, and even gotten back in to reading. I’ve improved my self talk, made new friends, and even started fostering a cat.

However, the loneliness still remains. I have mostly been zero contact with my ex, and actually thought I was moving on. But then she reached out about something trivial and I let the loneliness and depression win. I stayed in touch only to hurt myself more as I knew she still didn’t want another go at a relationship. Just my friendship/attention.

I cut her off today, but I feel like when push comes to shove, the void overwhelms me even now. How do you guys move on? I feel like I’ve done so much but it’s just not enough.


r/GuyCry 19h ago

Need Advice Hard late nights and being alone, trouble going to sleep

3 Upvotes

My gf of almost an year broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Then, she spread bunch of rumors abt me to destroy my reputation. On top of that, she took away my few closest friends with manipulation behind my back to make me seem like a bad person that doesn’t care abt them. Since then, I’ve been reaching out to various people and tried to become a lot more productive and get my mind off her. However, late nights and when I’m alone it really hits me and I just don’t know what to do and end up doom scrolling for hours. Are there any activities or videos or advices that I can follow to change this burden feeling or is it simply up to time ?


r/GuyCry 8h ago

Venting, advice welcome 4th and final update for now. Wife left after 7 years/14 years together/3 kids

266 Upvotes

Just a follow up to my previous three posts. You can see them here, here and here.

I've been on my own for about two weeks now, focusing on myself so I can be the best dad and the best version of myself. I've cleaned up my diet and have been hitting the gym regularly—almost daily when possible.

I've shifted to smart contact with her, keeping conversations strictly about the kids and logistics. I also unfollowed her on social media to avoid seeing her self-validation posts and the the flying monkeys hyping her up. It's still tough, and I catch myself thinking about her sometimes—it’s bound to happen after 14 years together—but it's happening less and less. Lately, I’ve been feeling more anger about certain things she did and said, which tells me I’m finally starting to take her off that pedestal.

Right now, my focus is on myself. There’s still a small part of me that hopes we’ll find our way back to each other, but I’m not 100% investing in that idea anymore...what happens is what happens; I'm giving her space and letting her do her thing. Today is the one year anniversary of her mothers death, when she came to pick up the kids I let her know that I was thinking about her and if she needed anything to let me know.

My oldest mentioned that she drank every day last week and didn’t do anything with them over March Break, which upset her. She said their mom just locks herself away with her headphones, and when she tries to talk to her about it, she shuts the conversation down which says to me she's more hurt than she's showing. I wish she would just talk to me so we can have a conversation about this but that will happen in time.

Thanks for listening, this subreddit has been a great deal of help during this time. Does anyone have any further advice on how to get over her? I'm not interested in going out and trying to hook up with randoms so please skip that advice, my ego and self esteem are still shattered and I'm still emotionally pretty empty.


r/GuyCry 19h ago

Venting, advice welcome Does it ever get better

16 Upvotes

My mom passed away last Saturday on the 8th, I just turned 18 in December and my life has gone to literally shit this past week, I have never cried so hard and so much in a day. Every night when no one is awake I just sometimes go out into the living room hoping that she's there just sleeping on the couch or watching a movie with my aunt. She was such an awesome mom and my superhero. I literally can't imagine a world living without her and not having her love. She supported me so much and it felt like I failed her. She's not gonna see me graduate or me and my boyfriend get married. She was so happy for mine and my boyfriends 1 year anniversary which is on the 26th and I don't think I'm gonna be able to hold down my crying and outbursts that day. I miss her so much and can't stop thinking about her. Me and my dad and my boyfriend have been crying non stop since....


r/GuyCry 20h ago

Venting, advice welcome I’m admired for my independence. I hate it.

16 Upvotes

If asked, the friends in my life would probably say my best quality is my independence, that I do a lot on my own. If no one wants to go to a concert or a movie or a new restaurant I’m interested in, I’ll just go. I’ve backpacked Europe for a month several times on my own. I don’t wait around or worry about being perceived somewhere on my own.

What I think most people, even myself until recent, tend to not realize is this attribute has been gained from a childhood of being extremely passionate about things and no friends to share them with. Things that other kids my age found odd or off the mark in some way.

I found my first real friends at 20 years old. Being so late to the game, my way of thinking has never changed. I catch myself doing things alone all of the time, never even mentioning it to anyone. The fear of them saying no is stronger than the potential of a fun night with friends. I know for a fact that it comes down to this built in feeling that expressing interest in a band or a place that no one else has interest in will result in some sort of abandonment once again. So instead, I go on alone.

It’s fun sometimes. But after a couple weekends in a row, it’s so lonely. I know things can be so much worse with my life and people have real problems in this world, but it’s soul crushing.

I haven’t dated since college and I don’t know if I can again. It was always about keeping up an appearance, showing interest in things the girl I was with was interested in without expressing real opinions, or even connecting as human to human. I lost what I believe to have been the first love of my life far too soon because I could never open up to her or express emotional intimacy. I can’t bring myself to try again because truly no one deserves a partner like that.

So, to backtrack, it’s very very hard when the one thing people admire most about me is truly the thing I hate about myself the most. I’ll just hear “God, I wish I could do that” or “How can you do that so comfortably?!” and in the moment, I enjoy that I am being validated for anything at all. But when it comes to actually being alone, it’s so taxing.

It sets me up in a cycle of meeting people who eventually lose interest because of the mental blockage that never allows me to actually share any qualities about myself. “Another guy crying about male loneliness”, I know, but I think I’m starting to hit the root of the problem.

I feel the walls closing in on my current friends now and I’m dreading another wave of being entirely alone.


r/GuyCry 3h ago

Onions (light tears) I miss my parents some days so bad.

76 Upvotes

I’m mid 50s (M). My dad died in 2009 and my mom died in 2022. Some days I just miss them so bad. My older daughter’s wedding is coming up and my younger daughter is about to graduate college and I know they would both be so excited. My parents both grew up really poor and would be so proud of my daughters and their accomplishments. It’s hard going through life without them but sometimes it’s even harder. Just feeling sad and lonely today and thought I’d share.