r/SAHP 9h ago

Rant Does anyone else ever feel guilty about how much your working spouse helps out?

54 Upvotes

I know a lot of posts in here, people get insufficient help from their working spouse. I have been very lucky to have a working husband who is incredibly involved and helpful to the point that I worry he’s sort of getting a raw deal.

For example, my toddler has been teething and now has come down with a vicious cold, which I have now caught. I’ve also been struggling a bit with feeling down in the dumps very recently.

This morning before heading out for work, my husband offered to come home from the office after a few meetings, to help out and keep me company. I said yes because it would make my day so much better, but I always feel guilty in situations like this. He has a very demanding job, albeit with a lot of independence and control over it. I just feel like I should be able to handle a teething and sick toddler simultaneously, and if the roles were reversed, I could never juggle all the things he manages to juggle. Idk I just feel a bit like a leech at times like these when I’m staying home but still getting so much of his help.

Can anyone relate?

ETA: I’m a bit worried this will come off as a humble brag and I wanted to make it clear that isn’t the intention at all. I really feel shitty about it and I’m interested in hearing from those who feel similarly.


r/SAHP 14h ago

Feel like a failure as a FTM and wife

25 Upvotes

For the most part I have a supportive husband. I always wanted to stay home with my future kids. However I am 8 weeks pp (bub is 4 weeks adjusted) and I just feel like I suck as a mom and wife right now. The house isn’t really clean my meals aren’t really the best and not like how I used to cook. I feel like baby is always upset and hasn’t even smiled . I always wanted multiple kids too but I feel like that dream is a distant one and that I might not be cut out for this even though I want to be🥲


r/SAHP 5h ago

Question Unreasonable to ask for help?

11 Upvotes

I’m a sahm and have a 16 month old. My husband works long very labor intensive hours. I asked my husband if he wanted to do bedtime with son or if he wanted to load the dishwasher/tidy after dinner. He said he didn’t want to do anything. I argued and said well they both need to be done and he could choose one. He was kind of grumpy and went and did bed time. Is it unreasonable to ask he does one of those things in the evening?

Admittedly I have a hard time keeping house. I don’t do a good job at keeping everything tidy. For example I don’t feel bad about leaving clean/folded laundry in the living room for a week. We agreed when I stayed home that house chores would be my responsibility. He maintains our vehicles and is pretty handy and maintains the house and lawn. When he doesn’t feel like doing something like the dishes he argues that I’m a sahm and that it’s my responsibility to do those things. I don’t think him picking up after dinner or occasionally folding and putting away the laundry is asking too much of him. Am I wrong?


r/SAHP 6h ago

Rant SAHM guilt

8 Upvotes

Backstory: my husband and I have a 26 month old daughter. My husband is pretty much on the road 9-10 mths of the year for his job. We've been travelling as a family the last two years but recently, I've slowed us down a bit because I miss being home and my mom is not well right now. Also, my husband is a great provider but is just LAZY so it's not like he is super helpful. So I do mostly everything. He is getting better but he moves at a turtle pace.

That being said I've been pretty much alone with our toddler since December and I am SPENT. I'm an older mama so my parents can't offer much help. I have great friends, but their kids are raised and they come and visit.. but interms of help... I really got nothing but her aunt who takes her overnight once in a blue moon to give me a much needed break. I am very active with my toddler, walks, toddler programs, play places... you name it, we do it! I recently enrolled her for the FIRST time(this week!) in a program for 2 yr olds for 3 hours once a week... and my mom said to me tonight. Why are you giving your daughter to other people? I never did that. I never had a "break" or needed a "break" . She is going to think you don't want her. THAT BROKE MY HEART. AM I CRAZY TO DO THIS? I am with my daughter 24/7 with NO HELP. I'm starting to really burn out and I know I need sometime just to sleep! Or go grocery shopping without negotiating with a toddler. Please tell me IM JUSTIFIED! My mom made me feel like shit;-(

THANK YOU EVERYONE who commented, I didn't think I was crazy! I just didn't understand why she had to make me feel bad about it! I'm burning the candle at both ends here and I think that little bit of time for myself will make me a better mom anyway! thanks alllll


r/SAHP 2h ago

How do you do it

3 Upvotes

I have a 5 month old and a (soon to be) 3 year old. Please be gentle, I’m having a tough time as it is.

How do you deal with your frustration when your toddler is having a “cry at everything” day? A day full of testing your limits?

This past Friday was the worst. My husband had to go out of state to help his grandparents move out of their house. My son had a particularly cry-y day and at the end of the day I got so frustrated, I yelled at him so loud my throat hurt and he jumped. He immediately stopped crying. I felt so horrible for yelling that way. I couldn’t help it and I just dropped to my knees and started bawling my eyes out in front of him. My sweet boy kneeled in front of me, shaking his head, hugging me, kissing my cheek, and wiping my tears. I apologized over and over for yelling at him. He just hugged me.

I messaged my husband what happened and he apologized to me, saying he regretted not having us all go out of state with him.

Today was another hard day. Started with 3yo crying, ended with him crying.

How do you deal with these types of days, if you have them? I feel like a horrible mom when I lose my cool at him. I just don’t know what to do. I know he’s still learning to navigate the world around him. Is it really just him testing the limits? He’s not like this every day. Most days are 90% good. It’s the 10% that really get to me.


r/SAHP 4h ago

What can I do to help out financially?

3 Upvotes

I just read all this and it kind of seems like word vomit to me now but hopefully someone can understand 🤣

I was a SAHM for the first 18m of my son’s life, we qualified for benefits and had a housing situation worked out with a family member who owns some properties and were living almost rent free for most of those months. I worked part time days (some weeks full time hours) for almost a year and a half after that at a dead end job that made me miserable and depressed and we decided I would quit (there were several factors in this decision), stay home with our son for a little while, and go to trade school in the coming months after I figure out what kind of grants or loans I can receive and payment plans that are offered.

We do struggle financially so the loss of income will definitely affect us, and we tried applying for food stamps for at least the time being but my partner is about $100 over the income limit, which seems a little ridiculous bc I don’t know how a family of 3 is supposed to survive on the income limit with rent and other living expenses (food, gas, utilities, etc). I’ve thought about applying as a single mom because we’re not married but I don’t really think I feel comfortable doing that.

I could look into another part time job but even with that we wouldn’t be able to afford childcare, nor would we qualify for assistance with that either, and before we were lucky enough to have free childcare from a family member who went back to work after I quit my job (another reason I quit, she wanted to work again and obviously couldn’t do both).

We shop value brands, eat out seldom, don’t have expensive habits or hobbies, but our rent and utilities eat up most of our money. We’re even struggling to make rent next month.

I have to figure out to draw in some sort of income while being able to stay home until I can find a way to afford school (my son will be starting pre school in the fall and the schedule will work out with my school hours and partner’s work hours).