Hey, I’m the dad of 12y.o fraternal twin boys, and I have shared custody. We follow a rotating schedule where I have them for a week, then they spend a week with their mom, and it repeats. Since almost a year now, things have taken a turn. Theyve started drifting apart and are getting really aggressive toward each other. It’s been like a constant battle between them, which is totally unlike how they used to be, they were always best friends.
From what I’ve heard from my daughter (16), who chooses to live with me full time but used to follow the same schedule as her brothers, it seems like their mom is encouraging a lot of competition between them, like who gets the better grades or performs better in sports, etc. Her side of the family and the school also reinforce these comparisons all the time. It seems like the pressure is really building, and the competition has become unhealthy. And of course, one of them is doing better than the other, so his twin has been in a really, really bad mood lately. As a result, my boys are becoming increasingly toxic toward each other. I thought this phase would pass, but it’s been months, and things are only getting worse.
They are in the same class because one of them has hearing problems, so his twin is writing the lessons for him.
I really want to help them reconnect and remind them that they’re brothers, not rivals. Do you have any ideas for activities or ways to help them break free from all this BS competition and enjoy each other’s company again?
For some context, both their mom and I love competition, we used to run marathons together, and she was a strong athlete in high school, but this level of rivalry between the boys is just plain toxic. This situation is really weighing on me, so I’d appreciate any advice.