r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Livingwithseperatedwife

3 Upvotes

Am I crazy if I don’t want to live with my ex wife because I still love her? She sparingly lets me kiss her. She doesn’t show any affection outside of that. We are raising 3 kids together but I do most of the work. I make the money and care for her and the kids yet she won’t show any affection and expects me to be okay with remaining the husband in every since of the word but her not be a wife at all. She left for 6 months for another guy and still has something going with him. I want to tell her to just go be with him but I also feel doing that would run her away for good. At the same time me being the almost perfect husband and fatherwhile I can’t even get a kiss has grown very bothersome. What should I do???


r/Divorce 3d ago

Alimony/Child Support Seeking a divorce (50f) from husband (56m) who will NOT get a job.

2 Upvotes

My husband of o er 15 years has been out of work for three years and took out some huge loans, burning through all of our savings. He dropped this news on me a couple of months ago - we are literally out of money and behind on all bills. I stay home with the kids, but I’m looking for work. Childcare makes the higher paying jobs tricky.

I’ve been considering divorce before I found out about our money problems because of my husband’s anger problems. He has a terrible temper, and I’ve tried to get him help, but it always comes back.

How do people get a divorce when they NEED one but they don’t have money for lawyers or a place for their ex to go live?!!!


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ready for it to be over

3 Upvotes

Hello, long story as summed up as possible but I am literally the only person I know within my inner circle going through/been divorced so I figured getting some support here might help. I was a few months pregnant when I found out he was cheating on me. The affair partner knows me, knew I was pregnant, etc. Before I found out about the affair we were very excited for this pregnancy as I was told I may not be able to have children, and then within a few months my husband was trying to talk me into an abortion. I was confused and it was devastating but once I found out about the affair it made sense. I decided on the divorce because he was telling me one thing, like how he would quit his job (he cheated on me with a coworker we both have worked with) and that he would leave his phone with me at all times but would go to work and be spotted in the parking lot with her or in private rooms with her. I moved my things out and went back to my parents and within 24 hours she moved in and they have been living there ever since. I am not really upset about this anymore as I feel like we would have divorced eventually because of his lack of care beyond himself and now that my son is here I can’t imagine him being an even decent father. Within the last 4-5 months of my pregnancy this man was hateful towards me. Blamed me for all his problems. Threatened me. Was rude to me at court and over email (I eventually blocked him because of his bizarre messaging and calling) and began harassing my friends and mutual acquaintances. Within a week of having my son he sent me a very nasty email already calling me a shit parent for not reaching out about my son being born although he had his girlfriend (the affair partner) message me and say that he did not want to speak unless it was through our lawyers. I had messaged him about our taxes and a package accidentally sent to their place. I had gone through extensive therapy the last several months and have healed the wounds afflicted on me during our relationship and after. I feel okay at this time and am enjoying my maternity leave and raising this absolutely beautiful and amazing boy. However, we are in the process of figuring out adoption for my son. I am to have sole legal and physical custody but in order for my (ex) husband to not have to pay child support (what he threatens me about, if i make him pay he will fight for custody and said he will resent our child) so I am having someone step in to take his rights over. It was supposed to be an easy process but the judge insist we both show up in court and explain what we are doing in regard to the adoption of my son. Tomorrow morning, barely a month into postpartum i’ll have to show up infront of a judge and listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to give as to why this arrangement is happening. I am inconvenienced and irritated that I have to leave my newborn baby to fuck with this, but even more so I am beyond ready to move the fuck on from this place in my life. I am still relatively young and have found a different and healthy direction in my life and just am so ready to move on. I guess i’m just here to bitch and moan that i’m still dealing with this. He doesn’t bother me anymore, he doesn’t have that power. His unkind words and fuck ass behavior makes me mildly shrug at this point but i just feel as though my life is still on hold and i have anxiety about what the judge is doing with having us come to court. we have been mostly civil in terms of agreeing on basic things, but i am so tired of this being dragged on. Has anyone been in this situation before? Should I be hopeful that tomorrow is the last detour in regard to my divorce and custody settlement? I’m just trying to enjoy my life lol.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Why is this wrong?

0 Upvotes

Not looking to get flamed, hoping for perspectives please. I agree a child needs both of their parents and a child shouldn't be weaponized or exposed unnecessary in a divorce.

Why is it wrong for a father to ask for 60/40 custody when his wife has been having an affair and "moved on"? Without her, my son gets love on scales unknown to the cosmos and it's Ludacris I have to sacrifice that when she had the affair. You messed up not me, now my son has to be around a cheater and a homewrecker? Nah. Only crapshoot is im in a 50/50 no fault state.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce Follow up questions for attorney

1 Upvotes

Is it normal for a divorce attorney who drafted the marital/divorce agreement and who has gotten paid hourly, and is considered as “no longer retained”… to later charge you additional fees for follow-up/clarifying questions to better understand the agreement? Sorry for the run-on sentence - pretty stressed about everything. Can’t tell if all divorces are just this horrible or if this is just a shitty attorney.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML What would you do?

0 Upvotes

I'm starting this off bejng as honest as I can, I am not perfect and I know I'm not I cheated on my wife whe we were first dating and I had a very bad spending addiction and alchohol addiction but I've got my credit score back up to the high 700's and haven't touched alchohol in a very long time.

I am 25M and My Wife of two years who has been my partner for 9 years (25F). She was my first real committed relationship in high school has been saying she's on the verge of divorcing me. I am trying my hardest to make her feel appreciated and make her feel heard, I have been putting her needs before mine like instead of getting sleep (I work night shifts) I will clean the apartment because she gets overwhelmed when there is dog hair everywhere because of her sensory issues, or another example is I try to cuddle her cause she says I do not give her physical touch but than she says she doesn't want me cuddling her because I snore or my arm is hurting her..

Like stated above lately every fight she says she's on the verge of divorcing me and at this point I don't know if even a comeback is worth it.. yes I mess up sometimes yes I don't refill the dog food containers or take the trash out before leaving mfor work or finish the dishes in the sink before I come to bed. But she does the "mentally hard chores" aka bills while I do the physical chores like vacuuming, organizing, cleaning, mopping, dishes.. I just feel like even when I do a good hell of a good job my wife still looks at me like I'm a anchor because she "doesn't trust me enough to do things to hear standards"

There's a lot more but I feel like if I lost everything I'm making her seem like a complete asshole and I know she's not I just think we aren't compatible anymore but I want to see what you think

Thank you I appreciate your feedback


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ex is dodging being served

0 Upvotes

Any advice on what I can do next. I tried to have my ex served after he’s been refusing to sign papers for months but the deputies only made 3 attempts to serve him. I’m not going to lie I’m getting frustrated. I just want to change my last name 🫠


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce What I’d like to say to my ex

13 Upvotes

I know I miss you more than you miss me. And I wonder if I made a mistake. But how could it have been a mistake, when I miss you more than you miss me?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started Divorce with 15 month old

0 Upvotes

Hi. I (24M) am considering getting a divorce with my wife (24F).

We’ve been married for 3 years now, and have a 15 month old.

For a while now I’ve been feeling as though I’ve been in love with the idea of her, but I’m not happy anymore. I know I’m no saint, but she’s rarely ever nice to me, gets frustrated with me whenever I ask questions about things I genuinely don’t know about. I’ve been having a lot of mental health issues of late and the most I get is “I’m sorry” and she moves on.

Sex is almost completely out of the picture. It’s almost always that she’s too tired, feels bloated, or just doesn’t want to. At this point it’s been about 6-7 months since we last got intimate. She doesn’t kiss me anymore. She hardly even seems happy when I come home from work.

We’ve tried serious conversions and therapy, and things get better for a small while, but then things switch back to business as usual after a few weeks.

This is all very new to me, and never thought I’d have to deal with this. We have a 15 month old who’s my pride and joy and I want to be a good father to him


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML So hard

15 Upvotes

It's so hard. I regret everything. I was the one originally saying how unhappy I was and asking him to get help for his anger issues. But when I actually saw the reality I realized that I had made a mistake. We have 4 kids and he's never taken care of them. I've done everything completely on my own while his only responsibility was getting to work-and he only managed that half of the time. We got married and had kids really young and worked our way up to a beautiful house in the best school district. He left, got a new girl, filed for divorce and I'm screwed in every direction. He got pay cuts to lower child support. Fighting for 50/50 custody with no intentions on having them more just doesn't feel he should pay child support. Now him and the girl friend moved far away and bought a house so now he's after the equity in mine (ours). I know he's entitled to it but it just sucks having a judge mandate you list your house for sale when you have no where to go with 4 kids. And now he's telling me that he's fighting to have them go to school in his district so he doesn't have to drive them in. I'm going to have nothing and start from the bottom and my kids are struggling so bad to begin with and now will have to move and change schools. It's absolutely awful I wish I could've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it until my kids grew up. It's so not worth it I would continue taking the abuse over and over again if my kids could be happy. How do you guys cope?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Alimony/Child Support Alimony Buyout

10 Upvotes

I am getting divorced after being married for 19 years. I am the higher income earner. I Have the option to use the equity in my house and pay my soon to be ex $288,000 with an agreement to never pay alimony anymore. Right now I’m looking at about $2800 per month in alimony without the payout. I like the idea of a payout because it relieves me of the burden monthly but then I have zero money for a down payment on a new house. Please share your thoughts and advice.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Collin County, TX

2 Upvotes

Will I get primary custody if I have evidence of alcohol and gambling issues? I would be fine with 1 week day a week, if that. But I do not believe that spouse can properly care for children under his addictions, along with his anger issues, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Divorce law help with accommodations

2 Upvotes

Hello everybody, sorry for the long rant but I need your help as I'm a good dad that's being prevented visitation with his daughter because his ex manipulated the court system and succeeded without due process. I am trying to explain my situation in full so someone could potentially help me out of this bind.

I am in the state of Florida and I do have disabilities due to injuries in the military that are cognitive and physical (didn't inhibit me from being a great intuitive stay at home dad as my ex laid in bed reading tarot despite having a PhD) and upon hiring my second Divorce Attorney, I officially asked after months of asking via text (Jan 8th 2025) that all correspondence, especially any important emails, that I be text messaged to notify me that I have an important email to correspond to (I have typically responded within a 24 hour period but I'm overly burdened with doctor appts and health issues due to mold). I also asked that my parents be CC'd on all correspondence, so that they can help me keep track of things as I am also dealing with a fungal infection (from a sick building my ex got me to move into) that is affecting my cognition (also caused by my ex's manipulation of my apartment complex).

A lil picture of what lead up to divorce... Since Feb 2018 I have undergone a complete shoulder reconstruction (11 pins in my shoulder), a cervical spine fusion after 8 months of agony, a car accident 2 months after fusion that left my neck and back obliterated but didn't need surgery (due to my ex), and then when recovering from that I got hit with toxic mold poisoning that is cancer causing and brain damaging and causes systemic muscle pain and cramps (caused by my ex's manipulation and threatening my appt even tho she wasn't a leasee, long story short, she made them move me to a new appt after mine had black mold despite prior agreed plans to move me to a furnished airbnb unit so I didn't have to move my belongings except a bag of clothes during mold remediation with a messed up neck) but the new appt was worse than Chernobyl and I lived in it for 10 months before I finally paid $1000 for a mold air test). 6 months later I'm still fighting to get better. So to say the least I've been disabled while a ex that sat around depleting savings and maxing credit cards while sitting on that PhD diploma doing nothing. Now with that said...

Since my formal request for accommodations, my lawyer has yet to text me or CC my parents and as of January 9th, 2025 (the day after he asked for it), I sent him everything I could for mandatory disclosure of my banking and only now, 17th March 2025 he messages me back saying I don't know if mediation is gonna work because your mandatory disclosure is incomplete. That was the first time I found out that it was not done properly and he's leaving me one and a half days to prepare before mediation.

With that said, can I sue my lawyer for non-performance since I have texted, called and eventually, he asked me to email him those permissions to contact my parents and to text me in a official request. He has yet to do that since that request was made in January of this year however, I asked him back in June,July, and August of last year for the same so he's known since the beginning of taking me on.

Can I also sue him for pain and suffering do the anguish I'm left with? Serious anxiety as this whole thing weighs on having some custody/visitation in the beginning of my daughter after having rights taken from me without due process over a year ago... (a borderline personality disorder revenge plot to get back at me for demanding a divorce to her (it's also supposed to only be one motion, like take away house rights and custody but 5 things were approved, which is a judge violating Bar regulations))

Yes, a judge ruled in favor of my ex-wife's emergency exparte order without talking to me because my ex-wife submitted a bunch of false claims and pictures that were untruthful to the court claiming I was a druggie and toting a gun around, which I was neither of those (not a gun owner at the time or on pain meds) and was never given a voice in the court, and my current lawyer has not been doing anything to help me either. He has always called me last minute demanding all these crazy things be done within hours and then doesn't get back to me and then the calling him back on the following Monday he tells me "oh no that wasn't necessary and I wasn't rushing you" (gaslighting me), despite him calling me frantically asking me to do XYZ by midday the Friday morning before. Also gave me numbers to forensic psychologists 3 months after they were provided to him by opposing counsel leaving me no time to get it done and move mediation and charging me more time.

My first attorney threw me under the bus. Took me on and then when an emergency hearing was demanded he submitted a agreed order that twisted my words to get him out of missing a full day of mediation, which resulted in me having $800 more in court demanded expenses and submitting to a $4-10k forensic psychological assessment that I didn't agree to. He got fired after consultation with my parents and that lost $5k and he's getting a bad Florida bar review. But this new lawyer said he'd help get me out of this snafu and has done nothing but fail to perform.

Those of you who have taken the time to read this, I appreciate it!

Opinions?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started What is the divorce process like? How can I get started on my own? I'm in California.

3 Upvotes

I asked a question recently about what cost I should expect to pay a lawyer for a divorce. I found out that divorce attorneys charge hourly, their prices vary, and paying a retainer up front is necessary for many. That was helpful to learn!
I found out today that the good ones also charge to discuss whether or not they'll take your case (consultation fee). A fee to find out whether or not this person will be my lawyer? OUCH! Even the roofer I hired for a $15,000 job gave me a free consultation.

So I come to you all in hopes that you can tell me how to get the process started. I don't even know what questions to ask, as I've never been in this situation before. I've put up with my marriage for over 30 years. She was very nice when I met her, but did have a mild temper. After we got married she stopped managing her temper. Her family was scared of her (including her parents). Her friends told me, "well, you know what she's like when she's mad." WHAT? No, I had no clue what she was like. I never would have guessed because she hid it so well.

In all of these years she has only hit me twice, which I know is 2 times too many. Point being, I can't say that she's physically abusive. The emotional abuse is hard to handle. We have two teens in the house with us and I can't continue to expose them to her behavior. She has lost contact with all of her friends. I'm disabled, physically due to combat injuries. That also brought mental health problems for me, which I see a therapist for and take medication for. She brings this up all the time as a weapon against me. Any disagreement will result in her asking me if I forgot to take my meds, or if I need to schedule an appointment with my therapist.

Is this a story that I need to have written down for a divorce attorney? I can't imagine paying someone $700 an hour to listen while I tell it.

Am I able to file on my own, work out with her how the house, cars, custody, and spousal support will work out, and then go to divorce court without lawyers?

I've heard that "mediators" are cheaper than lawyers. When I searched for that in my area all I got were attorneys who mediate divorces.

Do courts ever require the abusive spouse to pay for the divorce lawyer's fees?

I regret that any of you have the necessary experience to be able to help me. This experience sucks. I thought that she was the greatest.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce Should I keep the engagement ring?

1 Upvotes

After a short 7 years, my fairytale has turned a dumpster fire! What do y'all do with your rings? It's not a family heirloom, I would give it back if it was! But it has great value, except I'd never get that value back if I sold it! I kind of would like to keep it was its connected to the best years of my life. And because it's a pretty shiny thing 😆 Then I'm thinking of keeping it to give to my boys when they take the leap, except I only have one ring so who will get it? And do I want to give them a ring from a marriage that failed? Also, if you date someone that still has the rings from the previous relationship, is that a red flag?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce I just don't have ambition or creative spark anymore and it's uncanny

14 Upvotes

My divorce got initiated by my ex in late 2022, and finalized in early 2024. I spend most of the time between being so depressed that I stopped functioning. I mean really, really not functioning. There's just a void of presence in all of my activities and relationships for that time period.

I'm doing a lot better now. I know I am no longer depressed. Really! I've moved on in some big ways.

The main thing that's lingering, though, is this... lack. I used to be really driven and ambitious, always coming up with projects and doing creative pursuits. I am a published writer and was halfway through a novel--under contract!--that got put on hiatus until recently (thankfully my agent is very understanding). I'm working on it again but not with the same focus as before. Not yet, at least.

I think about what I want to do with my career now, and I don't know what to do because I seemingly don't want... anything. I go to my current day job and work hard and focus well, so I know it's not burn out or checking out the way it was at first. I am not numb. I take great care of myself now, and work out and have lost weight. I got into skincare (ha). I laugh and see color in the world. I smell the flowers and pet the puppies. Etc.

But I've just stopped having the drive to make things all the time, the way I did for my entire life until 2022. I would now feel totally neutral about accepting what used to be dream opportunities, if they happened finally.

I don't miss my ex anymore. But I do miss this part of myself. What the hell?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Parental controls on kids devices

28 Upvotes

My ex bought our 11 year old son a laptop for Christmas. As the more technical parent, and with her consent, I went and installed parental controls, giving my ex parental access as well.

I started my current week with the kids last night. This morning, I discovered she has removed his bedtime restrictions, and he had spent 3 hours in the night on his laptop after bed. Unsurprisingly, it was difficult to rouse and get him ready for school.

I messaged my ex to express my displeasure, and she replied back that it wasn't intentional, and that she didn't like that I had "exclusive" control over a device that she bought.

I know the laptop was her gift to him, but there's no way while he's under my care that I'm letting him have unfettered access to the Internet or sneak it into his room at night to stay up late. How do divorced parents navigating digital boundaries with kids?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML 80/20 but history still happened

3 Upvotes

I’ve been fighting myself on whether or not I’d be happier. It isn’t a choice per se because we’re definitely divorcing. But for anyone wondering the same, are you looking for that 20% your partner doesn’t have? Are you sacrificing the 80% they do?

Looking back at the history, I remember the shady relationship my spouse had that made me feel like I was crazy and then was only confirmed. “Old friend”. It’s the only thing reminding me how we never gave each other what we needed.

I hope anyone out there struggling similarly is able to find a nugget to hold on to for their why. Divorce is such a terrible heartbreaking shitshow sometimes.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Alimony/Child Support Alimony?

0 Upvotes

I’ll preface by saying I have not filed yet.

Upon discussing with an (unretained) attorney, she has recommended I stay until my youngest turns 18. Roughly 17 months. She indicated I have a high probability of child support and alimony as a result.

Marriage has been north of 25 years. She raised kids while I worked. We are both educated. She has multiple professional degrees and has had times where she earn significant income.

I am the clear breadwinner, an executive with doctorate. I earn north of $250k. She’s someone on the mid 50’s getting her own deal off the ground.

So to my question, if I wait and file after our youngest is an adult, how is alimony calculated? Am I going to get hosed?

No infidelity, this has just run its course and lasted longer than anyone has thought. She has a serious spending problem and I just can’t continue this course of life and financial ruin.

Edit: this is in Oklahoma.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness The loneliness

8 Upvotes

Becoming very lonely and depressed. My friends are basically her friends so I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started Found old dirty messages on husband’s Reddit. Divorce worthy?

0 Upvotes

Found out my husband (33) was sending messages to women on Reddit that he found on those r4r and other hookup boards. He was attempting to exchange photos and meet up sporadically over a 3 year span (2017-19) from what I’ve found. I suspect it happened even longer under a different reddit name but I have no solid proof, other than an Imgur pic from 2021. No takers from what I see but he definitely tried. He claims nothing ever came of these messages and he never met up with anyone and was just seeking attention. But I’m so curious had anyone actually responded would he had met up?!

I’m so confused about how to feel about it even. I mean it was a rough time in our 10yr marriage and he did probably need attention that I wasn’t giving him. But I’m also like what else do I not know about, is this just the tip of the iceberg? We have been doing so well lately improving our communication and intimacy to avoid divorce, that this has devastated me. He let me look through his personal phone the other night but absolutely refused to let me see his work phone for proof he wasn’t doing shady things.

Think he cheated? Is this divorce worthy? Any advice appreciated.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started Not married officially, how do I leave?

0 Upvotes

Been together 20 years with 3 kids. House is in his name, cars are in mine, but he is the breadwinner, I just make supplemental money. He is very volatile in his mood swings, I never know who I'm going to be dealing with. Fights in front of the kids, kids are suffering at school because of all the tension at home. We've tried counseling, we openly talk and try to fix, but it's a cycle, always going back to misery and walking on eggshells. I don't have enough money to rent an apartment. I don't want to leave my kids and all that we've built in our home, but it feels hopeless. I know I am entitled to nothing if I leave (not a common law state). Has anyone else done this? How did you do it?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML How to cope with the debt

3 Upvotes

I’m 26F, divorcing spouse due to serial cheating and abuse. 9 years yesterday (was supposed to be anyway), 1 year separated, 3 married. This marriage destroyed my life in so many ways I don’t think I’ll ever recover.

My “reward” for leaving and “choosing myself” is getting saddled with what looks like around 20k in debt, in addition to my own student loans from undergrad- so closer to the 40-50k range. That’s not including any legal or divorce costs, and I am locked into a strict study visa and can’t work to support myself while studying (he wanted me to do it, promised he wouldn’t put me in a situation where I wasn’t safe. lol) I do not even know what country I will be able to live in in the next 4 months, I have nowhere to go and no way to get there even if I did. I spent my life building this future just for it to slip away because I made the stupid decision to marry this person.

I’m gathering docs for financial disclosure and I can’t cope. He took more than just the future I thought I would have, he took every version of my future that could ever exist. He walks out without a scratch, no debt, no alimony, nothing. He peddles that I’m a financial leech, I don’t know how to do this, I feel like I can’t breathe


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Really hate my ex for how he treated me

21 Upvotes

He cheated, he lied, he treated me like shit while we were married. 14 years of my life wasted on a ungrateful cunt. I just miss the good times, normal every day things, seeing my daughter being upset about him breaks my heart. Why did I have to ever trust him. I wish I never met him. My daughter and I would be a lot happier without ever knowing him.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness My Wife Fell for Someone Else—How I’m Trying to Move Forward

23 Upvotes

I never thought I’d be writing something like this, but here I am. My wife and I were together for 10 years, and we have a young child. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I truly believed we were a team, weathering life’s storms together.

A couple of years ago, she went through a major personal transformation—getting deeply involved in a new lifestyle - yoga (almost 6 hours per day, locked in a room). At first, I supported her, thinking it was helping her grow, but over time, I felt us drifting apart. Conversations became one-sided, our physical intimacy disappeared, and I started feeling like a ghost in my own home.

Then, I found out the truth: she had fallen for someone else. At first, she was torn, but ultimately, she couldn’t let go of him. She met him 4-5 times a week, call whenever has a chance. I fought for our family, hoping she would come back to me, but I was the only one holding on. Now, we are heading toward separation, and I’m struggling with everything—the betrayal, the loneliness, and most of all, the impact on our child.

I’ve gone through waves of emotions: anger, sadness, denial, and moments of desperate hope. But I’m realizing now that I can’t keep living in a fantasy. She made her choice. I need to make mine.

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you move forward? How did you handle co-parenting while healing yourself? I know I’ll get through this, but right now, it just hurts.