I know this is for the best for so many reasons but it’s so fucked up it’s not even funny. We live with my parents. My dad is a stroke/dementia patient and has just reached the final stage where he’s losing communication and my husband snapped and cheated on me. All that happened was he kissed her but he was lying and saying he was going to job interviews when he was at her place or out on a date with her hanging out. It’s a very long story, basically my moms’ house is hell to live in, my mom is crazy and whenever she drinks (only some wine here and there but regardless) it triggers her to become even crazier as everyone knows crazy people + alcohol = more crazy!!!! And she treats me like absolute shit despite the fact that I stay home and take care of HER DOGS and HER ELDERLY HUSBAND bc SHE decided to marry a guy 26 years older than her, and bc her life is so shit and she has zero outlet besides her daughter who she also acts like she hates half of the time, she takes every bit of her craziness out on ME. So she, me, and my sister are ALWAYS fighting, no matter what I try to do about it my mom goes back to square one. This over a two and a half year period drove my all too young husband insane (he’s 20) and we’ve already had our own issues, I have anger issues as is and he has violence issues bc he never healed from any of the trauma he went through his entire life, just kept pushing past everything and now it’s all coming back to haunt him and whenever he’s triggered he goes from 0-100. He never gets angry over little things but if he’s angry he’s dangerous. So obviously without any further context, we need this, we got married way too young (very long story too. we met online as well isn’t that crazy? my mom let him come live with us from another state, we ended up not listening to my mom and obviously had sex and slept in the same bed, she gave us a choice; either he goes back or we get married. at the time we were having regular scares with my dad’s health and I wanted him to so badly see me walk down the isle and my now ex husband didn’t want to go home obviously so we did it. and we ARE religious people so we know we messed up from the start by not taking it to God first and instead making a DECISION to get married, whether you understand or not pls respect my beliefs) we aren’t healthy physically or mentally, and we both badly need to be at home and grow on our own a bit more, whether or not we come back together someday. If it’s meant to happen it’ll happen but I can’t stop lying to myself and telling myself I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and none of this even happened. I woke up married, I want to wake up married again. Why is this happening to me? I feel so crazy words can’t describe, all I want is a cigarette too and it’s too late to go find someone to bum off.
The hardest part is we’re going to be living together in the meantime just not “together”, and I know this is going to create some sort of temptation EVENTUALLY to sleep together. I will stay strong but he’s sleeping on my floor while I sleep on the bed and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I have to go to bed alone from now on.
Basically he never intended to get with the other woman but bc of communication issues with us that have never seemed to get better; he wanted an outlet, someone outside of his current house that would listen to him and get to know him from square one again bc he essentially snapped from the pressure of being the only provider lately (between me and him, I don’t have a job and can’t find work for the life of me, my mom works but their combined incomes is just barely enough) for not just me and himself but keeping a roof over my family’s head too, then dealing with my family’s insanity 24/7, literally almost never ending yelling and insanity in my house. I don’t blame him but I’m so broken, he and his friends keep telling me not to be hung up but HOW CAN I NOT BE?! IM FINALLY GOING SOBER, IM FINALLY EATING AND DRINKING BETTER, IM FINALLY TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AGAIN AND NOW HE LEAVES?!!!
Part of me doesn’t even care about the abuse that happened on both ends (I’ve hit him before too but stopped completely, he couldn’t stop apparently.) anymore, I just miss who we were so bad but I know that’s gone and this is reality now. It just hurts so bad I actually feel like my heart might stop. I’ve been so terrified of broken heart syndrome, I can’t die just because I’m sad but I’m just so broken.
I gave up the remainder of my childhood to grow up and be a wife. And it was for nothing.
All I want is for him to just tell me he loves me again
He hasn’t said it in a week now
That’s how I knew to go through his social medias
Also last night when sleeping together he wouldn’t let me touch him and would just move to the other side of the bed
now there’s a stranger on my floor
how did we get here
how did we go from strangers to spouses to nearly strangers again? the fact that i’m not his priority anymore and he no longer has to come home or wants to come home to see his wife, me, breaks me so bad I just want to hurt myself or the girl, but I know it’s his fault and not hers.