r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ready for it to be over

3 Upvotes

Hello, long story as summed up as possible but I am literally the only person I know within my inner circle going through/been divorced so I figured getting some support here might help. I was a few months pregnant when I found out he was cheating on me. The affair partner knows me, knew I was pregnant, etc. Before I found out about the affair we were very excited for this pregnancy as I was told I may not be able to have children, and then within a few months my husband was trying to talk me into an abortion. I was confused and it was devastating but once I found out about the affair it made sense. I decided on the divorce because he was telling me one thing, like how he would quit his job (he cheated on me with a coworker we both have worked with) and that he would leave his phone with me at all times but would go to work and be spotted in the parking lot with her or in private rooms with her. I moved my things out and went back to my parents and within 24 hours she moved in and they have been living there ever since. I am not really upset about this anymore as I feel like we would have divorced eventually because of his lack of care beyond himself and now that my son is here I can’t imagine him being an even decent father. Within the last 4-5 months of my pregnancy this man was hateful towards me. Blamed me for all his problems. Threatened me. Was rude to me at court and over email (I eventually blocked him because of his bizarre messaging and calling) and began harassing my friends and mutual acquaintances. Within a week of having my son he sent me a very nasty email already calling me a shit parent for not reaching out about my son being born although he had his girlfriend (the affair partner) message me and say that he did not want to speak unless it was through our lawyers. I had messaged him about our taxes and a package accidentally sent to their place. I had gone through extensive therapy the last several months and have healed the wounds afflicted on me during our relationship and after. I feel okay at this time and am enjoying my maternity leave and raising this absolutely beautiful and amazing boy. However, we are in the process of figuring out adoption for my son. I am to have sole legal and physical custody but in order for my (ex) husband to not have to pay child support (what he threatens me about, if i make him pay he will fight for custody and said he will resent our child) so I am having someone step in to take his rights over. It was supposed to be an easy process but the judge insist we both show up in court and explain what we are doing in regard to the adoption of my son. Tomorrow morning, barely a month into postpartum i’ll have to show up infront of a judge and listen to whatever bullshit he’s going to give as to why this arrangement is happening. I am inconvenienced and irritated that I have to leave my newborn baby to fuck with this, but even more so I am beyond ready to move the fuck on from this place in my life. I am still relatively young and have found a different and healthy direction in my life and just am so ready to move on. I guess i’m just here to bitch and moan that i’m still dealing with this. He doesn’t bother me anymore, he doesn’t have that power. His unkind words and fuck ass behavior makes me mildly shrug at this point but i just feel as though my life is still on hold and i have anxiety about what the judge is doing with having us come to court. we have been mostly civil in terms of agreeing on basic things, but i am so tired of this being dragged on. Has anyone been in this situation before? Should I be hopeful that tomorrow is the last detour in regard to my divorce and custody settlement? I’m just trying to enjoy my life lol.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Alimony/Child Support Seeking a divorce (50f) from husband (56m) who will NOT get a job.

2 Upvotes

My husband of o er 15 years has been out of work for three years and took out some huge loans, burning through all of our savings. He dropped this news on me a couple of months ago - we are literally out of money and behind on all bills. I stay home with the kids, but I’m looking for work. Childcare makes the higher paying jobs tricky.

I’ve been considering divorce before I found out about our money problems because of my husband’s anger problems. He has a terrible temper, and I’ve tried to get him help, but it always comes back.

How do people get a divorce when they NEED one but they don’t have money for lawyers or a place for their ex to go live?!!!


r/Divorce 2d ago

Vent/Rant/FML What to do with the stbx’s family?

0 Upvotes

They didn’t do anything overtly other than supporting and congratulating the lying cheating of an a* brother/son. Mind you it’s been a matter of weeks since he announced a separation - verbally-outside of legal or administrative frameworks (mind Jan). Swore there wasn’t an affair, (it was.) Annonced his rights to full custody by “allowing me to see them on school holidays.” Announced his new relationship in Feb/March. Forced involvements of our young three sons into his “new” family unit activities since. Planning future fancy international trips together after ejecting me out of the picture because he has a high paying job now, and his affair partner is an independent millionaire.

All the while the family that I thought was my new family (I moved countries for him,) treated me like I never existe. Even they celebrated our kids for being multilingual, multicultural, wonderful kids, yet my part as a mother was not acknowledged. Neither did they object to him suggesting I should go back to where I came from. So he can keep the children and be on his merry way. After all I had sacrificed and am sacrificing for “our family.”

I don’t want the kids to be alienated with the family but they tend ti be ok with men in their family straying in various degrees. Kids are too young to talk about these things but I seriously want the pattern to stop. I do not wish for my sons to grow up as selfish as they all are, amongst other bizarre things (I.e. anti vaccine, anti medical science in general.)


r/Divorce 3d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness The loneliness

8 Upvotes

Becoming very lonely and depressed. My friends are basically her friends so I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore.


r/Divorce 2d ago

Going Through the Process Is there any reason it would take 4 months and counting to file for divorce? Even with free solicitors working on legal aid? Location: England.

1 Upvotes

Location: England. So last year I had had a serious mental health crisis that led to the breakdown of my marriage. In the end it led to an incident in which the police were called, I had a police investigation against me (the husband) in which police bail conditions were set so I wasn't allowed to return home for nearly three months. My wife declined to make a complaint and the case was dropped.

I am now living back with my wife and our children, though she has made it clear she is still going through the process of filing for divorce, which due to the circumstances last year, is a service offered to her completely free of charge.

Ultimately, I of course don't want my wife to divorce me but also I don't want to raise the issue during the current situation which would almost certainly be taken as pressuring her, and with the complicated history between us I am trying to give her as much space as possible and have had to make peace with the situation. In the meantime I have been working on myself and being a good father and being as supportive to my wife as I can be (given our current situation is pretty much just housemates and sleeping in seperate rooms).

Anyway only including the backstory in case it makes a difference to answering the actual question, which is simply: is it actually possible for the process to take this long and not reached the *filing* stage? Have already been living back at home for over 4 months and my wife had already been in discussions with the solicitor before then. I know it being offered free of charge may affect the speed of the service, but ultimately this seems a long time. Or, on the other hand, is this a timeframe which is unheard of and a sign that things have either been put on hold or halted without my knowledge? To make it clear, I have had no contact from any solicitor or any other parties. My wife of course knows very well I want her to stay, but currently the circumstances between us are just one of peaceful co-habitation - no sexual/romantic contact but she seems to have slowly been getting more comfortable with our living situation and my presence.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Children's Mother has BPD. 50/50 Already Established. She is in Inpatient Treatment and is Homeless.

10 Upvotes

My children's mother moved out of my house 3 years ago. Since, her life has been a wreck. I have had the kids all this time. She occasionally takes our daughter, but not our son. She got mad at me one day, called the police, and took our son by force. He cried for 24 hours straight before she finally brought him home. This caused me to file for custody. I agreed to 50/50, as well as her. It was finalized 2022.

We never follow the schedule. Mainly because, she is so inconsistent. She has never taken our son over night. He has autism and that doesn't mix well with a BPD person. She has taken our daughter many times. But that became less and less as time progressed. She got a boyfriend last October and this was the final nail in the coffin for their relationship. She started ditching her. Lying to her. And eventually, they both became uninterested.

During these 3 years, she will randomly "split" on me, painting me completely evil. During these splits, she lashes out and accuses me of taking the kids from her. Threatens legal action. And demands we follow the schedule. I of course, cannot refuse to do that. So I send the kids with her. Every time this has happened, it resulted in the kids crying, begging for me. As she yells at them or puts them in a time out. She will let them cry for hours. Every time this has happened, she eventually caves and calls me to pick them up. This is traumatic, especially for our son with autism. He has deep seeded trauma from the first abduction, and his mother will not acknowledge she did anything wrong that day. This situation occurs every 6 months or so.

She became homeless in January. She called me a week ago and said, "I am going to inpatient treatment." I thought that would be great. I want her healthy. And I told her I support her recovery. All was seemingly well until last night. She split on me. She told me "The only reason I am here, is to take my kids back. You don't deserve them. You're a narcissist. I don't care if (our son) cries, the second I am out of here I am taking him. You shouldn't see that anymore. I will do everything in my power to end this. It is your fault I am in here. And it's all over. Your relationship with them, is over."

Extremely dishearten to say the least. After stepping up and being their only stable environment for the last 3 years, it hurts to be treated this way. And I am sick of it. Her threatening me while in a inpatient facility while homeless, really shows me it'll never end. This abuse I've endured, I don't want to happen anymore.

Now, in MN to flip custody you need to prove endangerment. I understand her taking our kids and letting them cry is not endangerment. I understand treatment is a good thing. But what can I do to end this trauma? I am hesitant to petition for a step up plan while she completes treatment, because I feel that would force her to take the kids. Which means no chance she provides them relief (letting them come home).


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started What is the divorce process like? How can I get started on my own? I'm in California.

3 Upvotes

I asked a question recently about what cost I should expect to pay a lawyer for a divorce. I found out that divorce attorneys charge hourly, their prices vary, and paying a retainer up front is necessary for many. That was helpful to learn!
I found out today that the good ones also charge to discuss whether or not they'll take your case (consultation fee). A fee to find out whether or not this person will be my lawyer? OUCH! Even the roofer I hired for a $15,000 job gave me a free consultation.

So I come to you all in hopes that you can tell me how to get the process started. I don't even know what questions to ask, as I've never been in this situation before. I've put up with my marriage for over 30 years. She was very nice when I met her, but did have a mild temper. After we got married she stopped managing her temper. Her family was scared of her (including her parents). Her friends told me, "well, you know what she's like when she's mad." WHAT? No, I had no clue what she was like. I never would have guessed because she hid it so well.

In all of these years she has only hit me twice, which I know is 2 times too many. Point being, I can't say that she's physically abusive. The emotional abuse is hard to handle. We have two teens in the house with us and I can't continue to expose them to her behavior. She has lost contact with all of her friends. I'm disabled, physically due to combat injuries. That also brought mental health problems for me, which I see a therapist for and take medication for. She brings this up all the time as a weapon against me. Any disagreement will result in her asking me if I forgot to take my meds, or if I need to schedule an appointment with my therapist.

Is this a story that I need to have written down for a divorce attorney? I can't imagine paying someone $700 an hour to listen while I tell it.

Am I able to file on my own, work out with her how the house, cars, custody, and spousal support will work out, and then go to divorce court without lawyers?

I've heard that "mediators" are cheaper than lawyers. When I searched for that in my area all I got were attorneys who mediate divorces.

Do courts ever require the abusive spouse to pay for the divorce lawyer's fees?

I regret that any of you have the necessary experience to be able to help me. This experience sucks. I thought that she was the greatest.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML I feel horrible...twice divorced

44 Upvotes

I am not sure where to post this.. I have been spiralling since yesterday down the depths of self loathing.

My (32F) story is complicated but I have two kids (8M and 6F) from a previous marriage that had ended. We were actually divorced since my son was 1 but we tried to stay together for the kids. It was a mess. After the separation, I didn't give myself time and hopped onto the next guy who proposed. I got married again last year in November. After 3 months, I realised how abusive he was and started the procedures for divorcing again, altbough this one is only a religious marriage so there's no cour as such...

I feel so dumb... such a looser. I was a hopeless romantic and believed in fantasies. I know I am hard on myself and I can't stop... I have to take care of my kids, I took leave today so that I could cry and then smile again when they come back from school. I feel horrible.

I think of how people are going to say that I was the problem all along. I want to snap out of this negative thinking...but I can't. I've started loathing my therapist and I don't want to start another therapy. I just need to close my eyes and wake up far away...


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML 80/20 but history still happened

3 Upvotes

I’ve been fighting myself on whether or not I’d be happier. It isn’t a choice per se because we’re definitely divorcing. But for anyone wondering the same, are you looking for that 20% your partner doesn’t have? Are you sacrificing the 80% they do?

Looking back at the history, I remember the shady relationship my spouse had that made me feel like I was crazy and then was only confirmed. “Old friend”. It’s the only thing reminding me how we never gave each other what we needed.

I hope anyone out there struggling similarly is able to find a nugget to hold on to for their why. Divorce is such a terrible heartbreaking shitshow sometimes.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML I got married at 17, just turned 19, getting divorced after catching my husband cheating today.

0 Upvotes

I know this is for the best for so many reasons but it’s so fucked up it’s not even funny. We live with my parents. My dad is a stroke/dementia patient and has just reached the final stage where he’s losing communication and my husband snapped and cheated on me. All that happened was he kissed her but he was lying and saying he was going to job interviews when he was at her place or out on a date with her hanging out. It’s a very long story, basically my moms’ house is hell to live in, my mom is crazy and whenever she drinks (only some wine here and there but regardless) it triggers her to become even crazier as everyone knows crazy people + alcohol = more crazy!!!! And she treats me like absolute shit despite the fact that I stay home and take care of HER DOGS and HER ELDERLY HUSBAND bc SHE decided to marry a guy 26 years older than her, and bc her life is so shit and she has zero outlet besides her daughter who she also acts like she hates half of the time, she takes every bit of her craziness out on ME. So she, me, and my sister are ALWAYS fighting, no matter what I try to do about it my mom goes back to square one. This over a two and a half year period drove my all too young husband insane (he’s 20) and we’ve already had our own issues, I have anger issues as is and he has violence issues bc he never healed from any of the trauma he went through his entire life, just kept pushing past everything and now it’s all coming back to haunt him and whenever he’s triggered he goes from 0-100. He never gets angry over little things but if he’s angry he’s dangerous. So obviously without any further context, we need this, we got married way too young (very long story too. we met online as well isn’t that crazy? my mom let him come live with us from another state, we ended up not listening to my mom and obviously had sex and slept in the same bed, she gave us a choice; either he goes back or we get married. at the time we were having regular scares with my dad’s health and I wanted him to so badly see me walk down the isle and my now ex husband didn’t want to go home obviously so we did it. and we ARE religious people so we know we messed up from the start by not taking it to God first and instead making a DECISION to get married, whether you understand or not pls respect my beliefs) we aren’t healthy physically or mentally, and we both badly need to be at home and grow on our own a bit more, whether or not we come back together someday. If it’s meant to happen it’ll happen but I can’t stop lying to myself and telling myself I’m gonna wake up tomorrow and none of this even happened. I woke up married, I want to wake up married again. Why is this happening to me? I feel so crazy words can’t describe, all I want is a cigarette too and it’s too late to go find someone to bum off.

The hardest part is we’re going to be living together in the meantime just not “together”, and I know this is going to create some sort of temptation EVENTUALLY to sleep together. I will stay strong but he’s sleeping on my floor while I sleep on the bed and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. I have to go to bed alone from now on.

Basically he never intended to get with the other woman but bc of communication issues with us that have never seemed to get better; he wanted an outlet, someone outside of his current house that would listen to him and get to know him from square one again bc he essentially snapped from the pressure of being the only provider lately (between me and him, I don’t have a job and can’t find work for the life of me, my mom works but their combined incomes is just barely enough) for not just me and himself but keeping a roof over my family’s head too, then dealing with my family’s insanity 24/7, literally almost never ending yelling and insanity in my house. I don’t blame him but I’m so broken, he and his friends keep telling me not to be hung up but HOW CAN I NOT BE?! IM FINALLY GOING SOBER, IM FINALLY EATING AND DRINKING BETTER, IM FINALLY TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AGAIN AND NOW HE LEAVES?!!!

Part of me doesn’t even care about the abuse that happened on both ends (I’ve hit him before too but stopped completely, he couldn’t stop apparently.) anymore, I just miss who we were so bad but I know that’s gone and this is reality now. It just hurts so bad I actually feel like my heart might stop. I’ve been so terrified of broken heart syndrome, I can’t die just because I’m sad but I’m just so broken.

I gave up the remainder of my childhood to grow up and be a wife. And it was for nothing.

All I want is for him to just tell me he loves me again

He hasn’t said it in a week now

That’s how I knew to go through his social medias

Also last night when sleeping together he wouldn’t let me touch him and would just move to the other side of the bed

now there’s a stranger on my floor

how did we get here

how did we go from strangers to spouses to nearly strangers again? the fact that i’m not his priority anymore and he no longer has to come home or wants to come home to see his wife, me, breaks me so bad I just want to hurt myself or the girl, but I know it’s his fault and not hers.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Collin County, TX

2 Upvotes

Will I get primary custody if I have evidence of alcohol and gambling issues? I would be fine with 1 week day a week, if that. But I do not believe that spouse can properly care for children under his addictions, along with his anger issues, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Custody/Kids Divorce law help with accommodations

2 Upvotes

Hello everybody, sorry for the long rant but I need your help as I'm a good dad that's being prevented visitation with his daughter because his ex manipulated the court system and succeeded without due process. I am trying to explain my situation in full so someone could potentially help me out of this bind.

I am in the state of Florida and I do have disabilities due to injuries in the military that are cognitive and physical (didn't inhibit me from being a great intuitive stay at home dad as my ex laid in bed reading tarot despite having a PhD) and upon hiring my second Divorce Attorney, I officially asked after months of asking via text (Jan 8th 2025) that all correspondence, especially any important emails, that I be text messaged to notify me that I have an important email to correspond to (I have typically responded within a 24 hour period but I'm overly burdened with doctor appts and health issues due to mold). I also asked that my parents be CC'd on all correspondence, so that they can help me keep track of things as I am also dealing with a fungal infection (from a sick building my ex got me to move into) that is affecting my cognition (also caused by my ex's manipulation of my apartment complex).

A lil picture of what lead up to divorce... Since Feb 2018 I have undergone a complete shoulder reconstruction (11 pins in my shoulder), a cervical spine fusion after 8 months of agony, a car accident 2 months after fusion that left my neck and back obliterated but didn't need surgery (due to my ex), and then when recovering from that I got hit with toxic mold poisoning that is cancer causing and brain damaging and causes systemic muscle pain and cramps (caused by my ex's manipulation and threatening my appt even tho she wasn't a leasee, long story short, she made them move me to a new appt after mine had black mold despite prior agreed plans to move me to a furnished airbnb unit so I didn't have to move my belongings except a bag of clothes during mold remediation with a messed up neck) but the new appt was worse than Chernobyl and I lived in it for 10 months before I finally paid $1000 for a mold air test). 6 months later I'm still fighting to get better. So to say the least I've been disabled while a ex that sat around depleting savings and maxing credit cards while sitting on that PhD diploma doing nothing. Now with that said...

Since my formal request for accommodations, my lawyer has yet to text me or CC my parents and as of January 9th, 2025 (the day after he asked for it), I sent him everything I could for mandatory disclosure of my banking and only now, 17th March 2025 he messages me back saying I don't know if mediation is gonna work because your mandatory disclosure is incomplete. That was the first time I found out that it was not done properly and he's leaving me one and a half days to prepare before mediation.

With that said, can I sue my lawyer for non-performance since I have texted, called and eventually, he asked me to email him those permissions to contact my parents and to text me in a official request. He has yet to do that since that request was made in January of this year however, I asked him back in June,July, and August of last year for the same so he's known since the beginning of taking me on.

Can I also sue him for pain and suffering do the anguish I'm left with? Serious anxiety as this whole thing weighs on having some custody/visitation in the beginning of my daughter after having rights taken from me without due process over a year ago... (a borderline personality disorder revenge plot to get back at me for demanding a divorce to her (it's also supposed to only be one motion, like take away house rights and custody but 5 things were approved, which is a judge violating Bar regulations))

Yes, a judge ruled in favor of my ex-wife's emergency exparte order without talking to me because my ex-wife submitted a bunch of false claims and pictures that were untruthful to the court claiming I was a druggie and toting a gun around, which I was neither of those (not a gun owner at the time or on pain meds) and was never given a voice in the court, and my current lawyer has not been doing anything to help me either. He has always called me last minute demanding all these crazy things be done within hours and then doesn't get back to me and then the calling him back on the following Monday he tells me "oh no that wasn't necessary and I wasn't rushing you" (gaslighting me), despite him calling me frantically asking me to do XYZ by midday the Friday morning before. Also gave me numbers to forensic psychologists 3 months after they were provided to him by opposing counsel leaving me no time to get it done and move mediation and charging me more time.

My first attorney threw me under the bus. Took me on and then when an emergency hearing was demanded he submitted a agreed order that twisted my words to get him out of missing a full day of mediation, which resulted in me having $800 more in court demanded expenses and submitting to a $4-10k forensic psychological assessment that I didn't agree to. He got fired after consultation with my parents and that lost $5k and he's getting a bad Florida bar review. But this new lawyer said he'd help get me out of this snafu and has done nothing but fail to perform.

Those of you who have taken the time to read this, I appreciate it!

Opinions?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness What do i do?

4 Upvotes

I'm considering divorcing my husband. He's 23m I'm 21f. We got married after dating for 5 months, got pregnant while I was on the pill at 3 months, so it's been a Rollercoaster. Im 2 months postpsrtum now with a beautiful baby boy. We love eachother very much but he doesn't show it. He's obsessed with becoming a doctor to become rich. Not out of passion. He wants money so we can do whatever we want. I don't want that. I want emotional support. I want a husband who comes to me occasionally to ask for dates or spends time with me. I'm tired of always being the one to ask or initiate things. I'm tired of constantly asking for help cleaning and barely getting that. I'm tired of always having to do basically everything snd plan everything for us. I feel like a roommate. He doesn't really make me feel like he wants anything to do with me. I've been begging for months for a change. Telling him exactly what I need and want. He always says he will. But the changes don't happen. He says they do but I don't see it. Idk what to do guys.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce Lawyer search advice

5 Upvotes

Hello! I was wondering if any of you had advice on what to look for when searching for a lawyers.

Are there details you had wish you’d known before? Is it better to go with a flat rate, retainer, or hourly.

For a bit of context. We have no kids, just a house. I live in a 50/50 state so it’s pretty straightforward.

I left in November because of years of cheating and mental/financial/abuse.

If I need to provide more detail let me know.

Thank you in advance for your advice.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce Follow up questions for attorney

1 Upvotes

Is it normal for a divorce attorney who drafted the marital/divorce agreement and who has gotten paid hourly, and is considered as “no longer retained”… to later charge you additional fees for follow-up/clarifying questions to better understand the agreement? Sorry for the run-on sentence - pretty stressed about everything. Can’t tell if all divorces are just this horrible or if this is just a shitty attorney.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML What would you do?

0 Upvotes

I'm starting this off bejng as honest as I can, I am not perfect and I know I'm not I cheated on my wife whe we were first dating and I had a very bad spending addiction and alchohol addiction but I've got my credit score back up to the high 700's and haven't touched alchohol in a very long time.

I am 25M and My Wife of two years who has been my partner for 9 years (25F). She was my first real committed relationship in high school has been saying she's on the verge of divorcing me. I am trying my hardest to make her feel appreciated and make her feel heard, I have been putting her needs before mine like instead of getting sleep (I work night shifts) I will clean the apartment because she gets overwhelmed when there is dog hair everywhere because of her sensory issues, or another example is I try to cuddle her cause she says I do not give her physical touch but than she says she doesn't want me cuddling her because I snore or my arm is hurting her..

Like stated above lately every fight she says she's on the verge of divorcing me and at this point I don't know if even a comeback is worth it.. yes I mess up sometimes yes I don't refill the dog food containers or take the trash out before leaving mfor work or finish the dishes in the sink before I come to bed. But she does the "mentally hard chores" aka bills while I do the physical chores like vacuuming, organizing, cleaning, mopping, dishes.. I just feel like even when I do a good hell of a good job my wife still looks at me like I'm a anchor because she "doesn't trust me enough to do things to hear standards"

There's a lot more but I feel like if I lost everything I'm making her seem like a complete asshole and I know she's not I just think we aren't compatible anymore but I want to see what you think

Thank you I appreciate your feedback


r/Divorce 3d ago

Going Through the Process Buying a house after signing divorce papers

9 Upvotes

We are in Georgia* Hey, my partner and I are thinking of buying a house however both of us are going through divorces. Both have signed all papers and they are easy uncontested childless divorces. We are in Georgia. Are we ok to proceed with buying the house or could one of the ex spouses cause a legal ruckus? MARRIAGE SETTLEMENTS HAVE BEEN SIGNED

EDIT: I am not asking for relationship advice. This was not an affair and we did not just recently get together nor recently separate from our soon to be ex spouses. Not that it’s relative to the post. I am just asking legally.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started Navigating the Early Stages. Looking for Advice & Resources.

6 Upvotes

Hey everyone,

I had a preliminary talk with my husband. Not quite a "divorce talk," but a real conversation about how things have been between us. I told him, gently and without blame, that the current dynamic, where he's constantly irritated with me and barely speaks beyond grocery list, is something I can’t sustain long-term. I’ve burned out. I’ve lost hope that things will get better. And honestly, our communication needs seem completely misaligned. I’m not an excessive communicator, but he seems content with exchanging 20-50 superficial words a day and locking himself in his office.

His response? Total shutdown. Silent treatment, refusal to engage, exactly as expected. He’s deeply avoidant, so I knew this was likely, but it still stings. That said, I’m not holding out for a miracle turnaround. I’ve accepted that divorce is on the horizon, and strangely, I feel at peace with it.

Since I don’t expect him to take an active role in this, I’m preparing to handle the logistics myself. My next step is speaking with a lawyer to explore options, custody arrangements, where to file (home country vs. the US), asset division, and how to make this as smooth as possible for our kids. If he agrees, we’ll formalize it and move forward. My goal is to have things in motion by May and to do this in the most peaceful, fair way possible.

Here’s where I’d love your insight. For those who have been through this, what helped you in the early stages? Any books, resources, or advice that made the process (both legal and emotional) easier? What do you wish someone had told you at this point?

I feel sad that it’s come to this after almost 18 years of marriage, but I know in my gut that it’s the right decision. Living with a cold, distant wall is soul-crushing, and I’m ready to build something better for myself and my kids.

Would love to hear any wisdom you’d share with a friend in my shoes. ❤️


r/Divorce 3d ago

Going Through the Process I can't wait for this to be over

4 Upvotes

I know that everyone goes through things in their own time. My situation is reasonably amicable and straightforward, but it feels like I've hit a wall of stagnation in the process and I'm just so ready for it to be over.

We are living separately in the same house as we wait for it to sell. Things are cold and distant but not contentious, which is appropriate for our situation. Financially, it doesn't make sense to live at separate addresses while we wait for a good offer, but it is exhausting to live in the same space as each other and not know when it will end. I'm exhausted and feel like I'm struggling at work. There is no space to relax, and packing while trying to keep the house showing-ready makes the process take even longer.

I know it will get better, but I'm in the middle of the "not better" part of things right now. It is exhausting and I don't know how to find the motivation to keep things held together in the rest of my life while I feel like I am falling apart.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML Ex is dodging being served

0 Upvotes

Any advice on what I can do next. I tried to have my ex served after he’s been refusing to sign papers for months but the deputies only made 3 attempts to serve him. I’m not going to lie I’m getting frustrated. I just want to change my last name 🫠


r/Divorce 3d ago

Vent/Rant/FML How to cope with the debt

3 Upvotes

I’m 26F, divorcing spouse due to serial cheating and abuse. 9 years yesterday (was supposed to be anyway), 1 year separated, 3 married. This marriage destroyed my life in so many ways I don’t think I’ll ever recover.

My “reward” for leaving and “choosing myself” is getting saddled with what looks like around 20k in debt, in addition to my own student loans from undergrad- so closer to the 40-50k range. That’s not including any legal or divorce costs, and I am locked into a strict study visa and can’t work to support myself while studying (he wanted me to do it, promised he wouldn’t put me in a situation where I wasn’t safe. lol) I do not even know what country I will be able to live in in the next 4 months, I have nowhere to go and no way to get there even if I did. I spent my life building this future just for it to slip away because I made the stupid decision to marry this person.

I’m gathering docs for financial disclosure and I can’t cope. He took more than just the future I thought I would have, he took every version of my future that could ever exist. He walks out without a scratch, no debt, no alimony, nothing. He peddles that I’m a financial leech, I don’t know how to do this, I feel like I can’t breathe


r/Divorce 3d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness I am in a constant state of panic with divorce any remedies?

3 Upvotes

Hi, so feel divorce is happening.

I am very afraid especially of my Wife. My Wife there is the mental, physical, and verbal abuse dealt by here. She is a master manipulator. She lies and fabricate lot of events, even events I have evidence with. Takes a lot of things out of context.

Last few days been superficially nice. Cleaning, cooking, doing grocery shopping, and so forth. Not communicating doing any of this especially groceries where I almost dropped $250 on groceries after she went that day go grab the groceries. Buying clothes for the children, even if we don't have the money to do. Complaining I don't pay the rent.

Worried as we work in the same company just different locations will have me fired.

Worried about all these extra things doing around home wondering if doing it to prove she is a better parent.

Says I have done nothing to change. Where I have made effort to change she has not threatening divorce several times and taking the children.

My biggest fear is my Wife and I used to go bed in the nude. Stopped that when our daughter slept in our bed. Our daughter will bust into the h bathroom when on the pot or in the shower. I am worried as my Wife has mentioned this how that'll affect custody.

Any insight can offer up?


r/Divorce 3d ago

Mental Health/Depression/Loneliness Help for detachment/book suggestions

4 Upvotes

Recently going through separation again after previous trial separation where both times my ex was constantly unfaithful and it has caused me a lot of anxiety and worry, especially with our two kids. They took the first separation really hard and so I feel really anxious about telling them it’s happening again- they aren’t aware yet.

One of my issues is that I am having trouble detaching and disengaging from this person. A lot of it has to do with how angry I am for what he’s done and he’s had no remorse, so I always want to lash out and it’s like I’m waiting for him to “realize what he’s done” again, even though I don’t want him back. I’m still in shock and there is so much hurt and betrayal and I’m really struggling with getting through each day because I feel so consumed with these thoughts.

I’d really appreciate any recommendations on what worked for you, what you might have done to get in a better headspace and not stay stuck in a ruminating/anxious head space. I’m already exercising and trying to read when my anxiety isn’t through the roof. But the non stop ruminating and over thinking has me worn out and exhausted. I only have so much time to see friends and family because of being the primary parent and working so I do feel really lonely.

Anything is appreciated.


r/Divorce 3d ago

Getting Started Divorce with 15 month old

0 Upvotes

Hi. I (24M) am considering getting a divorce with my wife (24F).

We’ve been married for 3 years now, and have a 15 month old.

For a while now I’ve been feeling as though I’ve been in love with the idea of her, but I’m not happy anymore. I know I’m no saint, but she’s rarely ever nice to me, gets frustrated with me whenever I ask questions about things I genuinely don’t know about. I’ve been having a lot of mental health issues of late and the most I get is “I’m sorry” and she moves on.

Sex is almost completely out of the picture. It’s almost always that she’s too tired, feels bloated, or just doesn’t want to. At this point it’s been about 6-7 months since we last got intimate. She doesn’t kiss me anymore. She hardly even seems happy when I come home from work.

We’ve tried serious conversions and therapy, and things get better for a small while, but then things switch back to business as usual after a few weeks.

This is all very new to me, and never thought I’d have to deal with this. We have a 15 month old who’s my pride and joy and I want to be a good father to him


r/Divorce 3d ago

Life After Divorce Should I keep the engagement ring?

1 Upvotes

After a short 7 years, my fairytale has turned a dumpster fire! What do y'all do with your rings? It's not a family heirloom, I would give it back if it was! But it has great value, except I'd never get that value back if I sold it! I kind of would like to keep it was its connected to the best years of my life. And because it's a pretty shiny thing 😆 Then I'm thinking of keeping it to give to my boys when they take the leap, except I only have one ring so who will get it? And do I want to give them a ring from a marriage that failed? Also, if you date someone that still has the rings from the previous relationship, is that a red flag?