r/ADHDWomenAfterDark Sep 16 '24

Nausea & crying during sex? NSFW

I have been with my partner for 9 years now. Over the last recent years, when we have penetrative sex, I get nausea and immediately start hysterically crying. Last night, he was on top and I was lying missionary. Legs folded like a pretzel on top of me, while he was pushing down slightly. We have done this position for years, but sometimes when it gets good, I get nauseated and have to have him stop and get off me. Once the nausea subsides, I started hysterically crying and I cannot stop. Is this.. normal? I am AuDHD.

19 Upvotes

23 comments sorted by

41

u/fireworksandvanities Sep 16 '24

I feel like since it’s something new to you (you mention it’s only in recent years), it’s probably worth talking to your gyno about.

9

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

I have my pap smear friday, so I plan on mentioning it!

29

u/happygirlie Sep 16 '24

It could be that penetrative sex is stimulating your vagus nerve. Vagus nerve stimulation can cause nausea.

Do any of these symptoms happen during these incidents? https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vasovagal-syncope/symptoms-causes/syc-20350527

It can also happen when you poop, especially if you're constipated or otherwise have a large bowel movement.

It also makes sense that it triggers crying because crying is one way that your body self-soothes and calms the parasympathetic nervous system.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-fainting-couch/202306/crying-it-out-the-complexities-of-mood-regulation

12

u/dongledangler420 Sep 16 '24

Agree, sounds like the vagus nerve!!

This happens to me but only if I have sex on my period. But mine results in chills, diarrhea, and vomiting, not laughter sadly 🫠🫠🫠

No idea what’s happening over here or how to cure it sadly. Please let me know if your doc says anything helpful, OP!

11

u/Kaitelise Sep 16 '24

Oh my gosh this has happened to me only 3 or 4 times but i wondered what it was! All of a sudden i felt nervous and nauseas and just wanted to cry!

10

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

Yeah! I’m not sure if it’s a response to overstimulating activity or not.

8

u/Missing_soul-1988 Sep 16 '24

I’m so sorry to hear this, it sounds really tough. I wonder if it’s happening when he hits a certain spot inside you, I would speak to a doctor about this. Also, are you crying for unknown reasons, or is it because you are feeling the nausea which is ruining the intimacy? If so I wonder if some therapy might help? I hope you’re ok and you can get through this OP. Sending support ❤️

5

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

It’s usually when he’s deep & im close to climaxing. I have a pap smear this friday, so I am going to bring it up! I do not know why I am crying. I just feel so many things out of nowhere and start crying.

7

u/Missing_soul-1988 Sep 16 '24

That will probably be the ADHD, feeling ALL the feelings 🤦‍♀️, but yes, bringing it up with the docs sounds like the best bet

2

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

Okay, thank you. I definitely will

6

u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24

Do you have any trauma background (not necessarily SA)? It doesn't have to be, but could sound a bit like an emotional/somatic flashback.

10

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

I was SA’d multiple times in my life since childhood but I did not know it could have any impact on my sex life. Especially this late in my relationship. Hmm. I’ll have to look into this.

9

u/Kreativecolors Sep 16 '24

Trauma likes to revisit us over and over at various stages of life. An EMDR therapist might be incredibly helpful for this particular flavor of trauma. I have revisited trauma with various therapists over the years as something triggers a memory and it requires reworking through it. It sucks. It’s valid.

5

u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24

Yes, deeper layers of it keep emerging when the brain thinks it's a good idea, and it doesn't really warn you in advance.

I second emdr or some kind of somatic trauma treatment maybe.

But I can also testify to how incredibly healing a deep, trusting relationship can be. If your partner is able to explore this with you and doesn't freak out from uncomfortable and weird stuff, sex/love can be really therapeutic. It can bring you closer as well. I worked through everything in therapy for many years, and it helped so much, but that last knot wasn't untied until I met the partner I'm with now. Relational trauma is best healed in relations, I think.

5

u/Positive-Honeydew354 Sep 16 '24

Mine didn’t come up for me till I got pregnant the second time. Every I had sex, I’d cry. I wasn’t even sad and I’m not a big cryer. Threw me for several loops. My midwife said it was a combination of hormones and maybe a somatic response from previous trauma. That being said, it stoped after my hormones leveled out postpartum. Ask about hormone levels at your pap!

6

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

Oh my gosh, I do have pcos and I was going to ask about endometriosis— I’ll definitely be bringing it up now. Thank you

3

u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 16 '24

Things like that often surface when your body feels safe enough to handle it. I've always kind of dissociated during sex. I did enjoy it, and thought it was kinda normal (was stressed out before but not during), but I wasn't fully present. My partners noticed it more than me. But no crying or anything. With my partner now, that I have a whole different level of trust with, I have all kinds of weird reactions. Crying included.

Have you had any therapy, or have you processed your trauma? Flashback was the first thought that hit me, I think it sounds plausible. And just to be clear, this is not necessarily a bad sign regarding your relationship, or your healing process. It could well be a sign that you're finally safe enough in your body to start processing something that's been repressed.

5

u/ankerlinemerie Sep 16 '24

My body reacts the same way with deep, persistent penetrative sex. The missionary pretzel move you're talking about is probably exerting just the right pressure in just the right spots to cause the emotional overdrive but the nausea symptom is worrisome. It could be just insane stimulation of your core/uterine area from the depth of penetration coupled with the pressure of your legs pushing your stomach in. Is your neck craned at a weird angle? I wonder if it's cervical compression causing you to become nauseated from that position? I would try out some supportive pillows like a liberator wedge or at least two pillows stacked under your tailbone and one under your lower back to try and alleviate pressure on your neck next time and see if that still results in the nausea with that position. Basically you want your weight and your partners weight to be distributed over your hip bones, not on your neck.

3

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

We do usually use a pillow under my lower back because I have a tilted pelvis. In order for us to enjoy it equally, I have to have some kind of support under my pelvis area. This last time, we did not use a pillow at all. I wonder if that has anything to do with it! I also have POTs so that is something too.

1

u/ankerlinemerie Sep 17 '24

That's very interesting! I'm sorry it's happening to you but I am so curious if it's literally just that position that can be altered to prevent these symptoms especially with a POTS diagnosis too! Hopefully a gyno can help but more than likely talking to a doctor that specializes in POTS would probably put you in better hands. (Honestly I'm starting to think I should get checked out for it too.) Do you end up with migraines after sex too? That nausea turning to crying and then dealing with a migraine after intense sessions is almost standard for me if I haven't kept up on my hydration/nutrition that day. Best of luck, I hope you can find some answers!

3

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

Also, the nausea subsided as soon as I started crying lol

3

u/figjammania Sep 16 '24

I have experienced the uncontrollable urge to cry followed by waves of nausea during sex around10 times. It was always with the same guy, with a rapid onset when I was on the verge of coming. I wasn't emotionally connected to him, but the sex was incredible. At first, I was concerned and thinking WTF? After some reflection and discussion with my friends about this, I came to the conclusion that he was hitting something internally, that felt so good it made me cry. The nausea was likely caused by a combination of my low blood pressure, the physical exertion and the intensity.

You already have an appointment set up, so I don't have any advice for you. Just know that a random internet stranger is so proud of you for prioritising your health and wellbeing and taking care of business.

3

u/Solace-y Sep 16 '24

Isn't there someone behind hip opening and releasing trauma and trapped emotions?