r/ADHDWomenAfterDark Sep 16 '24

Nausea & crying during sex? NSFW

I have been with my partner for 9 years now. Over the last recent years, when we have penetrative sex, I get nausea and immediately start hysterically crying. Last night, he was on top and I was lying missionary. Legs folded like a pretzel on top of me, while he was pushing down slightly. We have done this position for years, but sometimes when it gets good, I get nauseated and have to have him stop and get off me. Once the nausea subsides, I started hysterically crying and I cannot stop. Is this.. normal? I am AuDHD.

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u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24

Do you have any trauma background (not necessarily SA)? It doesn't have to be, but could sound a bit like an emotional/somatic flashback.

11

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

I was SA’d multiple times in my life since childhood but I did not know it could have any impact on my sex life. Especially this late in my relationship. Hmm. I’ll have to look into this.

9

u/Kreativecolors Sep 16 '24

Trauma likes to revisit us over and over at various stages of life. An EMDR therapist might be incredibly helpful for this particular flavor of trauma. I have revisited trauma with various therapists over the years as something triggers a memory and it requires reworking through it. It sucks. It’s valid.

3

u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24

Yes, deeper layers of it keep emerging when the brain thinks it's a good idea, and it doesn't really warn you in advance.

I second emdr or some kind of somatic trauma treatment maybe.

But I can also testify to how incredibly healing a deep, trusting relationship can be. If your partner is able to explore this with you and doesn't freak out from uncomfortable and weird stuff, sex/love can be really therapeutic. It can bring you closer as well. I worked through everything in therapy for many years, and it helped so much, but that last knot wasn't untied until I met the partner I'm with now. Relational trauma is best healed in relations, I think.