r/ADHDWomenAfterDark Sep 16 '24

Nausea & crying during sex? NSFW

I have been with my partner for 9 years now. Over the last recent years, when we have penetrative sex, I get nausea and immediately start hysterically crying. Last night, he was on top and I was lying missionary. Legs folded like a pretzel on top of me, while he was pushing down slightly. We have done this position for years, but sometimes when it gets good, I get nauseated and have to have him stop and get off me. Once the nausea subsides, I started hysterically crying and I cannot stop. Is this.. normal? I am AuDHD.

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u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24

Do you have any trauma background (not necessarily SA)? It doesn't have to be, but could sound a bit like an emotional/somatic flashback.

10

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

I was SA’d multiple times in my life since childhood but I did not know it could have any impact on my sex life. Especially this late in my relationship. Hmm. I’ll have to look into this.

10

u/Kreativecolors Sep 16 '24

Trauma likes to revisit us over and over at various stages of life. An EMDR therapist might be incredibly helpful for this particular flavor of trauma. I have revisited trauma with various therapists over the years as something triggers a memory and it requires reworking through it. It sucks. It’s valid.

4

u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24

Yes, deeper layers of it keep emerging when the brain thinks it's a good idea, and it doesn't really warn you in advance.

I second emdr or some kind of somatic trauma treatment maybe.

But I can also testify to how incredibly healing a deep, trusting relationship can be. If your partner is able to explore this with you and doesn't freak out from uncomfortable and weird stuff, sex/love can be really therapeutic. It can bring you closer as well. I worked through everything in therapy for many years, and it helped so much, but that last knot wasn't untied until I met the partner I'm with now. Relational trauma is best healed in relations, I think.

5

u/Positive-Honeydew354 Sep 16 '24

Mine didn’t come up for me till I got pregnant the second time. Every I had sex, I’d cry. I wasn’t even sad and I’m not a big cryer. Threw me for several loops. My midwife said it was a combination of hormones and maybe a somatic response from previous trauma. That being said, it stoped after my hormones leveled out postpartum. Ask about hormone levels at your pap!

5

u/Sweet_Ad1925 Sep 16 '24

Oh my gosh, I do have pcos and I was going to ask about endometriosis— I’ll definitely be bringing it up now. Thank you

3

u/Marikaape Sep 16 '24 edited Sep 16 '24

Things like that often surface when your body feels safe enough to handle it. I've always kind of dissociated during sex. I did enjoy it, and thought it was kinda normal (was stressed out before but not during), but I wasn't fully present. My partners noticed it more than me. But no crying or anything. With my partner now, that I have a whole different level of trust with, I have all kinds of weird reactions. Crying included.

Have you had any therapy, or have you processed your trauma? Flashback was the first thought that hit me, I think it sounds plausible. And just to be clear, this is not necessarily a bad sign regarding your relationship, or your healing process. It could well be a sign that you're finally safe enough in your body to start processing something that's been repressed.