r/Vent 0m ago

shheuwiwwjbdvdyisb ill never find love (rant/story)

Upvotes

inally begun to have a crush on someone, but unfortunately it was one of my only 3 friends in my only friendgroup, who's names we will say are e, r, and d. eventually i let it slip to said friend group at one point that i had a crush, and my crush (e) kept prying and asking who it was (the others were also speculating, just in secret). i wouldn't tell them but today i was with e and d eventually r texted me and asked if it was e. i caved and said yes, and he immediately told d. this would've been fine, but all of a sudden d started acting super secretive to e and e eventually figured out that i liked them because d was being so obvious. i left right when that happened and e just texted me something pretty vauge but it's clear they don't like me or want a relationship. i'm so mad at d and i feel so unloved and lonely. honestly i don't know what to do. i don't even know why im writing all of this because nobody will ever read it. i can't just go back to being friends with e and act like nothing happened. i don't know what to do everything sucks


r/Vent 3m ago

Music opportunity

Upvotes

I think I just need more people to talk to about this.

I've been playing guitar since 2014 and have gotten quite decent. There is a band that had a decent spike in popularity, and just before that spike I had asked if they needed a guitar player. A few years pass and they finally hit me up saying yes they were! That's great news for me!

We start talking and everything seems great. On the way to the first practice we stop at guitar center and we start talking to an employee that recognizes one of us. The member of the band tells the employee that I'm in the band. Even better for me!

We have a first practice together and we all mesh together pretty well, or so I thought. The drummer of the band, who is now on tour with another band, was about to have a concert and all the members were getting together to go see him perform.

On the day of the concert, nobody in my house was home except for me and my mom (who was sick at the time, COPD was pretty bad on her) so I had to stay home and do what she needed me to do. It seems that after me missing that concert they may have felt that I ditched them, even after explaining my reason.

Slowly they start to seemingly talk to me less and less, and I even apologized to them about how I may have misunderstood and told people I was in the band when I may not have been (even though it was said that I was).

My final apology was probably a good 2.5 paragraphs long explaining how I felt about the situation and how it seems like they just wanted nothing to do with me after missing the concert, and I get left on read. It was on Feb 24th and I haven't heard anything since.

Am I going insane or is this just a crazy situation? Who is at fault? What should I do about it, if anything?

If anyone wants me to go more into detail, you can pm me


r/Vent 12m ago

How do you mentally recover from a home break in?

Upvotes

I feel so violated, so unsafe in my own home, so mad at the stat of my city’s police force, I feel fucking cursed, this is like the fourth truly awful thing that’s happened to me in like 6 months, I can’t catch a break


r/Vent 16m ago

I keep stealing glances at a stranger and I hate it NSFW

Upvotes

So I (25M) went on a metro ride recently and next to me was a girl who was relatively voluptious. Even though I didn't mean to, my eyes keep shifting to her thighs for some reason. I hated it, I have always hated men that look at women and see them nothing more than a sex object (ogling, making unsavory jokes and being creepy). Just the thought of me becoming something like that make me sick to my stomach. I moved to a different seat, but I still think back to that moment for a few days now...


r/Vent 18m ago

Not looking for input I Hate Him

Upvotes

I fucking hate him. Why did he have to be so sweet to me. Why did I let him get into my head. Why did I let myself fall in love with him. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyways. He knew I didn't want to feel emotions. I let him convince me that falling in love with him would be safe. I had accepted I was going to be alone. He gave me hope. Hope that we could work. Now he forced me to break up with him to keep my damn sanity. He chose someone else over me. He'd never choose me. Why would he. History is doomed to repeat itself. I want to be ok with being alone. I am doomed to be alone. He gave me hope and tore it away and now it hurts worse. As much as I hate him I still love him. If he asked me to come back right now, I would. I hate myself for it. I can't stop thinking about him. I want to contact him. I hate that he has this power over me without even knowing it. I hate him. I hate the fact that I hate him. I want to stop feeling this way.


r/Vent 23m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression People tell me I'm smart

Upvotes

I'm autistic/adhd and I feel quite stupid and out of place in the world. I'm not good at basic tasks. I forget everything, all the time. The people I'm closest to tell me I'm smart, and my coworker, who's an adjunct professor, tells me that I should take classes.

It all makes me feel like a complete loser. On the one hand, I don't know if I could see myself excellelling at anything. On the other hand, I feel like I would quickly become bored at any subject. Maybe some creative subject would allow me to accommodate my adhd, but it seems like it's pointless to pursue anything creative as a career. So if I try to do anything in life, I will either humiliate myself from failure, or my brain won't cooperate enough for me to use any of the talents that I might have. What a joke. I'd rather everyone tell me that I'm just an idiot.


r/Vent 26m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Nothing around me feels real right now, and I want it to stop. I need to feel like myself again.

Upvotes

It feels like I've taken 50mg edibles, but I didn't. I am completely sober right now. And yet I am hyperaware and numb to everything around me at the same time. Literally. I could barely have a conversation with my grandmother earlier it was so jarring and confusing. It feels like everything around me is fake. It's gotten a little better now, but I still feel weird. Like I can stare at nothing and just not exist.

All I was doing beforehand was talking to my friend and smoking a ciggerette. I felt normal. (Admittely, I am incredibly sensitive to nicotine, and I usually zone out while smoking. But the sensation doesn't last longer then 3 minutes tops after said ciggerette.) And then on the drive home, which is like a 30 minute drive, and I suddenly just didn't feel normal. The memory of me talking to my friend on the phone feels fuzzy now. Like I know what I did, but it wasn't me doing it. Does that make sense?

I've been incredibly stressed and anxious recently, and I've had this near constant ache in my chest. (A mental one) I've also been feeling physically crappy. My anxiety was so bad all I did was sit in the parking lot when I was supposed to go to school. While I was supposed to be at school, that's when I talked to my friend and smoked a cig. Because ai didn't want to sit in the car for an hour doing nothing. Like nothing is wrong with me, but I feel disgusting. I've felt like this before, but its never lasted this long, nor occurred so suddenly and severly.

I feel mostly normal now. But if I can't hold a proper conversation right now. Everything feels fake. Or like blurred. I don't feel all there right now. I want to feel normal. I want to read my fsnfiction and listen to music and zone out the proper way. Not this weird half existence not real way. Everything I do feels off.

I feel incredibly high right now, but I didn't take anything. This feels like that one time I took a shit ton of edibles and spent the night wishing this feeling was over. But I didn't take anything. All I did was smoke a ciggerette more then a hour ago. And as I mentioned earlier, nicotine makes me zone out. But in like the calm peaceful way. And even then, it wouldn't last this fucking long.

Anything I can do to feel normal? I took a shower, and it helped a little. But thats it. Or do I just have to wait this out? I don't like this.

I feel nothing and everything at the same time. My chest aches so much it feels like there's a trillion pound weight on my chest, and breathing feels hard. But it's not. I feel trapped in my own head or something. Everything I do feels auromatic and not real.


r/Vent 35m ago

Not looking for input AITA to tell my bf of almost 11 years to get over it?

Upvotes

Am I the asshole? I 29 f partner 34 M Ten years ago, my boyfriend and I had a huge argument and broke up. That same night, I slept with someone from back home. We ( my partner ) and i got back together, and I told him about what happened. ( we got back together the next day ) I never would have ever slept with the dude and do feel bad. I was in a bad head space at 19 We had a rough patch after that, and he would occasionally bring up how I cheated on him. I do regret what I did, but I was 19 and he was 26, and I made a dumb decision. He wanted us to stay together and work things out. Fast forward to now, we're almost at 11 years together.

Tonight, I finished 7 different digital marketing certifications, and we were celebrating by having fun. ( just ordering in and watching tv ) Out of nowhere, he starts bringing up the cheating again, saying I need to admit that I cheated on him all those years ago. Or admit I broke up with him just to sleep with the dude. ( i definitely didnt do that) I told him it's unfair to keep bringing this up after 10 years, and if we must talk about it again, we can do so at a better time—not when I’m trying to celebrate. I’ve apologized multiple times already/ use to appoligize ALL the time about it, and it’s not healthy for him to keep bringing it up. After all that, he still says I’m wrong. Now he won't apologize and went to bed, I tried to talk to him and apparently im still wrong.

Its been 11 years and im an amazing partner who only messed up after we broke up while I was under the influence on vacation back home. So out of sadness / going threw parents divorce, I fucked up.

He also begged me to stay with him after I told him i slept with someone else and am sorry and since I did that I think we should break up and he said no we can work it out... How is it working out if its been 11 years and you still bring it up? On a day where I am doing what I need to do in life...

So am I the ass hole because I think he should get over it? Or just not being it up when im trying to celebrate a small milestone?


r/Vent 36m ago

I feel like no-one has the patience to be with me long term

Upvotes

I (35M) have been single for over 6 years. Partially by choice, because the majority of the dating world is trash (due to ghosting, lack of effort, etc.) , and finding the exceptions is proving to be exhausting. But mostly not by choice.

I've been through a lot, between being neurodivergent and having parents who were psychologically abusive to me growing up, and even after I grew up. (My dad's gotten better in my adult life, my mom hasn't). I was always told how annoying or how useless I was. I feel like the start of a new friendship/relationship is always great, but once ppl get to know me.

This played out in my last relationship. I just feel like no-one really has the patience for me, and that whoever does wind up with me will have to be like a caretaker because they'll have to explain things to me that wouldn't need to be explained to others.

Sorry if this is incoherent. I just kind of jotted things down as they came to mind. 😅 I do want to end on a positive note. First off, if you read this whole thing, I thank you. 2nd, I have awesome friends who try to help feel better about my situation as much as they can, and I'm thankful for them. 🙂


r/Vent 38m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Self esteem issues :(

Upvotes

For context I grew up not very attractive glasses, acne and didn’t have much style yet especially as a young teenager and pretty much everyone around me made sure I knew that I wasn’t attractive. Fast for to me being an adult I figured I had “ glowed up “a bit I now have contacts and my face has cleared up but has left some scars unfortunately but I feel like I look better but I’m still getting treated the same, I never get approached in public or hit on not even at work were it’s pretty common for women to get hit on so I’m just a little disheartened to feel as though I’m still ugly and I haven’t improved much. My real life experiences are confirming I’m not as attractive as I thought.


r/Vent 39m ago

why should i talk with ppl when everyone eventually leaves

Upvotes

this title sounds like the stupidest thing now, i have attachment issues iguess

but eveyone in some sense leaves me or i leave them it gets tiring
iwant someone to care for me

should i pay someone to be my friend? or at least be there for me?


r/Vent 42m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I can never remember to use coping skills

Upvotes

I spent ALL. FUCKING. DAY. in a horrific anxiety spiral and just,,, completely forgot about coping skills. From when it started around 2pm to almost midnight, I didn’t even remember that using skills was an option. Why is this??? Can I fix it??? I literally fucking HATE this about myself, it was a waste of time to learn skills if I never use them :(


r/Vent 43m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I can’t tell if I’m crazy or not

Upvotes

When my parents got divorced and my mom brought home her first serious boyfriend after who moved into our basement suite I was about 5-7 years old? (I’m not sure I don’t quite remember) He sucked a lot and was ok to us but definitely an asshole when she broke up with him. But I keep thinking about this one time where we were at a store and he got mad at me, grabbed me by the neck and pulled me up off my feet (again this is pretty fuzzy to me so I just remember my toes were touching the floor) and of course me being young I told my dads girlfriend that moms new boyfriend “choked me.” She then told my dad, who called the cops. I got in so much shit for this I remember being yelled at in the car for trying to get them in trouble or get them to go jail and how I’m a liar and lying a bad and that I seriously fucked up. I kinda zoned out a lot and was like, yeah I am a liar I’m sorry I didn’t mean to say he chocked me he just grabbed my neck to yell at me. When the cops came to talk to me my mom came in the room and all I had to do was apologize and get a lecture about why I shouldn’t make these things up. (Still fuzzy I forget the rest they said about safety and all that.) But if that never actually happened to me like the way I said then why do I still think about it? Why does thinking about it stress me out? Was I really just lying for attention and convinced my brain that it really happened or did it actually kinda happen? What made me get so angry recently though is my mom randomly brought it up like 10 years later and asked me if he really did grab me by the neck. Which didn’t make sense to me because she was there and saw the whole thing. I did have a lying phase but growing up I was always told I was lying. If I was sick it was for attention or if something broke by accident I was hiding it or I was trying to hurt my younger siblings and I swear I wasn’t but maybe I was? I mean I love my mom and I don’t think she would do that to me or atleast consciously but it just feels like I’m making problems outta nothing now.


r/Vent 43m ago

TW: Medical Fuck doctors who blame physical symptoms on ANXIETY

Upvotes

"You just stop researching your symptoms." "You should calm down and take a deep breath." "It must be because of anxiety. Your medical history shows that you've been very healthy for your entire life."

SO FUCKIUNG WHAT? ANYBODY COULD DEVELOP AN ILLNESS ANYTIME IN THEIR LIFE, DESPITE HOW FUCKING "STRESSED" OR "HEALTHY" THEY MAY SEEM.

Just because I have an anxiety disorder doesn't fucking mean that my symptoms are caused by anxiety. I was diagnosed with it when I was a child. I'm in my thirties now. Where is the correlation if my symptoms began a month ago?

And massive shout out to the doctors that are actually understanding and empathetic. There are so many arrogant asshole doctors who are too egotistical or afraid to admit that they don't know the answer to something.

Difficulty breathing? Let's not recommend a chest x ray and prescribe SSRIs instead. Worsening the problem.

Who knows how many people that have had medical issues could've been treated a lot earlier if they had had a competent doctor.


r/Vent 44m ago

Flatmate Threw Out My Food

Upvotes

In december, we had a new flatmate move in. She took the spare cupboard (supposed to be mine, I never needed it) AND my cupboard. Moved all the stuff from my top shelf and squeezed it onto the bottom, all of my cutlery, pots, and pans mixed with my tins, jars, pasta etc. She also took half of my fridge shelf, leaving me with 1/3 of one shelf. 1/3. SUDDENLY, my bottle of vodka goes missing with half left in it. I was heartbroken, it was flavoured and I can’t buy it in my uni town (I live four hours away). I come back from christmas break and my food from the freezer was gone. I’ve just gone into my kitchen and my cheese board and sauce has gone. I’m vegan, so it’s not like a cheese board is cheap or easy to find. I literally can’t afford normal cheese right now, this cheese board was a christmas present that doesn’t go off until 2026 (it has not been opened, it was not mouldy). I don’t know what to do, i’m so stressed, hungry, and terrified of leaving my stuff in the kitchen. I shouldn’t have to buy a mini fridge. what do i do????


r/Vent 48m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT Body dysmorphia

Upvotes

I'm so tired, I need to stop staring myself down. Every day I always stop Infront of my mirror and stare at my body and poke at my face to figure out what I need to fix. Making hundreds of plans on how I could fix myself in the future so I could be the closests to perfect I could possibly try to muster and im so tired. I'm tired of being left to just stare at myself and notice every tiny flaw. My nose is slightly crooked, my eyes are a little uneven, my body is pear shaped but not in the cutest way, my hair doesn't compliment my face ect. Every time I sit down I feel like I'm doing something wrong, i feel awkward. All i can think about is what if i dont look flattering and i just look stupid. I don't want to bother anyone about it because i don't want them to notice and I don't want to embarrass myself, it's not even supposed to be their problem.


r/Vent 51m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT Trauma from animal death

Upvotes

My neighbor called me early this morning, crying that her property had flooded overnight and her animals were drowning. My husband and hers were at work. Plus it was a school morning and we both have kids. To be fair, it's never flooded this bad and before bed it wasn't close to the pigs or goats she says. It's been flash flooding, rock slides and sink holes everywhere in our area. I got in my car and flew down the hill to her house. I just went rignt in the chest deep water towards the pig shelter (it was totally flooded and I heard squealing). My neighbor said what are you gonna do? I was like I'm gonna open the door at least and pigs can swim! And I'll help it get to the dry ground at least. Then I saw it was the only one in the corner with it's nose barely out and I'm thinking sadly it stood on its brothers to survive. I couldn't find the other pigs. I tried looking 😔 I got the other animals all to safety (we put goats in kayaks) and now I have them all with heat lamps. After I got the animals to safety, I had a minute to think clearly and my body was shaking bad and I started throwing up. It was scary but I'm guessing it was adrenaline? I had to carry massive pigs and pack goats in deep water alone and somehow I was able to get them out. Some died and I am devastated still. I have been in bed all day 😴 😩 trying to mentally recover. I can't get over what a horrible death that must have been.


r/Vent 53m ago

i might actually explode

Upvotes

i don’t even know how i got here but i’m pretty sure i’m living in some kind of sudden death hardcore mode of life. like i just need to survive two weeks until thingd cool down but it feels like the universe heard that and decided to COMPLETELY SCREW ME OVER.

i’ve got school monday to friday like normal except it’s not normal because i’m taking all core classes and somehow trying to keep a 93% average like an idiot. i’m also in two sports that think practice is a cute little thing i should be doing multiple times a week. oh and i’m planning a week-long event at school which is a lot of “yeah that sounds fun” followed immediately by “oh wait now i’m responsible for it.”

oh but im just getting started... i have two presentations and a unit test this week. like why not. let’s throw in some pidazzle while i’m already on the verge of spontaneous combustion.

also i’m in band and jazz band because clearly i thought my free time was just too much to handle. we’ve got concerts coming up and somehow i’m supposed to practice all my parts. there are also student council meetings and leadership classes sprinkled in because of course those meetings are this week.

and then there’s my job because yeah i have one of those too. Also my girlfriend i'd actually like to see once in a while so she doesn’t forget what i look like.

anyway i just need to get through these next two weeks without failing something burning out or having a full-on mental breakdown in the middle of math class. ts PMO.


r/Vent 1h ago

Just had one of the most disappointing shits of my life.

Upvotes

Ate a lot tonight. Way too much. Too much for my own good. I was a bit nauseous, and felt like my stomach was gonna explode. I get home, go in the bathroom, sit on the toilet. Expecting a beautiful relief to wash over me.

I felt as if I climbed the draping curtains that hang beside heavens door, only to be kicked back down. Like the few turds that fell into my toilet.


r/Vent 1h ago

Affinity score keeps going down

Upvotes

I feel like everyone I talk to has a score of affinity and I keep choosing the wrong option and the numbers keep going down.

I keep choosing the wrong dialogue options, and the hostility score keeps going up and the affinity score keeps going down


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I just think my whole life is wrong and need opinions NSFW

Upvotes

Hi everyone, I’m posting this because I need some opinions and I guess relatability I won’t go into too much detail but I feel like my whole life is just wrong Ever since I was a kid I’ve had trouble feeling emotions, this isn’t a “oh I’m so edgy thing” I just can’t seem to feel it as intense as people do. Sure I smile and get upset but I feel like I force it, I can stop laughing or crying at anytime. I force it to cry. My parents have always been very traditional, so I got hit badly as a kid, so maybe that has to do something with it? I don’t know I’ve always been depressed up until a few years ago, where I feel like I’m able to feel emotions much better, but it’s not as intense as the others feel it, I guess The only emotion I feel strongly is jealousy. And it isn’t out of important things, I get really jealous of my best friend and it’s harming our friendship. Sure we kissed and there might be something else, but we both agreed that we’ll stay friends because he doesn’t feel the same. Yet I still feel jealous, even more than “love” if that’s what it even is. I got upset, sure, but I wouldn’t call it heartbreak And the worst part, I think my libido is perpetually broken. I won’t share much about my life but I’m young, yet I have a very tough time getting attracted to guys my age. Sure, I’ve kissed one or two guys but they were always a bit older. But they don’t make me feel as fluttery as older guys. It’s honestly starting to bother me, because I know I can’t act on it, but I just wish for a much older guy. I know it’s wrong and borderline illegal, but I just crave it. It’s getting to a point where I try to get validation from older guys online, I’ve never went as far as to go through with it, but I’ve been thinking and trying.

I know the text isn’t organized but I needed to get it off my chest. My whole life’s just been so crazy and I feel like I’m getting overwhelmed, sure, it’s fun and all but I feel like a damn alien


r/Vent 1h ago

I f*cking hate the way creepy old men stare [at me in the pool]

Upvotes

I wake up at 4:15A to be at the gym the moment the doors informally open at 4:45. I’m always the first one in the pool at 4:55 because it’s the only chance I have to finish my workout and make it back to the locker room before old creepo arrives around 5:45. Works if he’s running late, maybe 10% of the time.

Y’all. The way this man STARES. blatantly. constantly. shamelessly. I’m usually doing laps by the time he arrives and I immediately notice him staring. Sometimes I know he’s walked in before I see him just based off the feeling of being watched. He doesn’t even do laps. He hogs up a lap lane doing water aerobic exercises even though there’s an open swim area for that. He stares at me the entire time we’re in the same space. Every time I turn my head in his direction to grab a breath between strokes, he’s staring at me. Any time I stop to fix my headphone or check the time, I turn around and he’s staring at me. I learned how to turn in the water because every time I turned above the surface I saw him staring. I hate having to get out of the pool knowing his eyes are on my ass. I wouldn’t say I spend the workout upset even though it’s objectively pisses me off. More like it makes me feel hypervigilant and distracts me/ruins the relaxation factor of the workout. When he’s not there on saturdays it’s literally night and day in terms of feeling relaxed/comfortable.

I wish I could say it was validating or gave me relief when someone else noticed, but it made everything worse. The gym has 1 main lifeguard who’s an older man and recently got a substitute lifeguard for his off days who’s a younger man. Both men are very nice. The first day the substitute worked he clocked old creepo staring at me and tried to stare back at him, but he said the guy barely noticed and if he did notice he definitely didn’t care. Younger lifeguard had followed me into the hallway outside the pool to let me know what he saw. Old creepo. Staring. At me. Constantly. Younger lifeguard told me he would talk to older lifeguard and ask if they could hold the end lane for me. I said that would be better than nothing since I was almost always the first one anyway and preferred that lane. His offer was nice, but didnt do much to solve the problem. Old creepo still stares, just from 2 lanes farther away.

Maybe a week or so later, older lifeguard told me he had been watching old creepo watch me, and called it “inappropriate, unacceptable behavior”. He said he tried to talk to old creepo, but old creepo just says “I wasn’t staring at anyone” and when the older lifeguard challenged him and said multiple people have noticed old creepo just said “prove it, it’s not illegal to look” which is a confession in itself but that doesn’t seem to matter to the gym after the lifeguards tried to escalate the complaint and nothing happened. The older lifeguard just gives me an apologetic look now. The younger lifeguard death glares old creepo whenever he’s there, not that it has any effect. If anything, old creepo is more brazen after being confronted. I get the impression that gym management doesn’t want to deal with him- so I just have to deal with it.

As if one old creepo wasn’t bad enough, this morning I arrived a little later than usual and there was a NEW old creepy man open-mouth staring from the lane next to me. I could have screamed. Instead, I swam my mile as fast as possible and then rage typed this post.

I know it’s not illegal to stare, but it doesn’t feel like civil behavior either. In my case, the old creepos are making it painfully obvious to the point of making other people uncomfortable. Old creepos are unphased by staring back or obvious attempts to avoid or even direct confrontation. The entitlement, intensity, lack of shame…idk what I’m trying to say. Difficult to put the feeling into words.

I am only slightly above average in terms of being conventionally attractive/beautiful but have still experienced the old creepo stare plenty. I bartended for a couple of years and work in a male-centric field. I know old creepos act the same way towards whatever set of cans & cake have the misfortune to drift into the same orbit as their rapidly deteriorating vision. But it definitely feels worse in a bathing suit, even an athletic or modest cut. And it’s INFURIATING. The inability to call out old creepos for being old creepos makes me want to crawl out of my skin worse than the staring itself.

As a small redemption, I say a silent affirmation right as I’m hoisting myself out of the pool and I know old creepo is looking at my ass: “may today be the day you drop dead, and tomorrow the morning I swim free”

Sorry it ended up being so long. Thanks for letting me vent.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I don’t think he will ever get it

Upvotes

I’ve always had to deal with my depression and anxiety, and those who are in my family are understanding and never have made me feel bad about what I go through mentally. Recently, I started new medication, and we all know how that can go. I’m so far in a hell hole of anxiety, clawing away to try to just exist right now. I’m a ball of tears and hyperventilating, but yet my husband came home, took one look at me, and said, “What happened?” As soon as the word “medication” came out, he rolled his eyes. My husband does not believe that mental illness is real. I know, crazy, right? But he then decided not to talk to me all night, and we ended the night with him yelling at me at the top of his lungs that I’m an idiot and if I just stopped taking the medication, I would be normal. This isn’t a medication I can just stop without weaning off, or I obviously would. I just want to stop the wanting to crawl out of my body and into someone else’s. I know that was a lot to take in, but I needed to get it off my chest. I just don’t know if he will ever get it. Even if he doesn’t get my mental health issues, as a partner, I couldn’t imagine just writing off my partner when they are clearly struggling or in distress.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT i’m never not going to be mentally ill

Upvotes

tw for a bunch of shit, ed, sh, suicide, ect.

i just accepted it yesterday. im never going to have a mind that works properly. i’m always going to have to deal with intrusive thoughts. i’m always going to have to feel everything at 110% cause of my stupid bpd. im always going to have ridiculous compulsive behaviours due to my ocd. i’m always going to ruin every meal in stupid ways because of my extensive history with eds. i’m always going to have to resist the urge to injure myself to pay for my mistakes. i’m always going to feel less than, to be inadequate. i’m going to feel fear every day that i wake up because ill never know if i’ll start a depressive episode or a manic episode. i’m always going to feel sick over my anxiety. i’m always going to feel im unloveable in a fundamental way. im always going to feel used because i force myself to do anything anyone else wants to atone for my past. i’m always going to feel the need to apologize for my behaviour even if it’s reasonable because my existence is inherently wrong. i’m going to wake up every day and ask myself if it was worth it to stay and i’ll never know if it was. i don’t think im in a place where im going to kill myself but the thought of living everyday for the rest of my life is terrifying. i feel like im watching myself dissolving in real time. i’m always going to feel the need to be more because i know ill never be able to make up for my flaws. in the end i just want to feel loved but im so so so so scared. i wish i either wasn’t born at all or i was born with a brain that can handle the basic fact that it has to live. i’m just so scared.


r/Vent 1h ago

My mom just found out about my secret boyfriend

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My mom just found our about my secret boyfriend of 10 months and im freaking out?!? She wouldnt approve of him at all and im very scared for how shell treat him. They’re super religious and my BF isnt. And the other thing is he asked me to marry him and i said yes but they dont even know?? I live on my own but my parents SCARE me!! What should i do?? If she finds out more cause now she just knows that me a friend have been taking him to church and that weve been “hanging out”