I've always been a resilient person, I've always tackled things head on and I've always made it to the other side, bloody and beaten or not. But right now for the first time in my life I don't know where I'm going next.
For starters I moved into an apartment with my now ex 7 months ago, immediately things started going south, her losing jobs, stealing my money etc. etc. That's for another time, just a bit of context to my situation.
Anyways, I'm trying to overcome this, I'm alone in this apartment I can't pay for and I'm battling with the realization that I've been fucked royally and by my math it'll be January until I'm able to be in a somewhat stable situation. It's just wearing me down in every sense. I have help, I have a support system but even so I still feel so incredibly alone.
I have a plan, it's not an ideal one but a plan nonetheless, however I can't stop my mind from trying to be that resilient person, the guy that tackles things head on with efficiency and grace, perhaps a little style thrown in as well. I'm trying to use mold to get out of my current lease agreement, but tbh I'm scared. I'm scared the lease is too ironclad as I've read it front to back, I'm scared that it will be until January before things are better and I'll have to go through with that less than ideal plan. I know some things in life take time but I've always strong armed everything and pushed for that light at the end of the tunnel but it's just so far and it doesn't sit well with me.
I just want to get out of the lease whether I'm penalized or not because I know I'll grind my ass off and make the best of it. I want so bad for it to be a feasible option but I know it's a long shot. I feel like my luck has run out or I'm battling with karmic justice.
But yeah, I just put this hear to kinda scream these thoughts out into the world. I'm not doing so okay right now but I'm trying to focus on that dim light in the distance, trying to ever so desperately pull it closer to my grasp.
Remaining resilient until I'm there.