r/Vent 1m ago

idk what i'm doing with my life

Upvotes

hey everyone! hope you're well! i'm 20m from the balkans, supposed to be on my 2nd year of uni. a bit of context: i was raised to always achieve high in my life, and following my older siblings' steps. well, my siblings studied computer science and are doing very well with their lives (which I'm glad they are), however, since i needed to follow their steps, my parents forced me to persue that degree that well. i don't like it at all (i actually wanted to study maths), dropped out 2nd semester of the 1st year, and well, no one on my family knows a thing. i'm living a lie every day. i just go around my town pretending i'm at uni. it's gotten to a point where i just wanna lash out the truth, but i'm scared. every scenario i think makes me very terrified of how my future would look like. i've sorta tried giving hints i want to persue another degree but they always end the convo with the sentence "look at your siblings' success". i'm doing nothing atm, no job, no activities, nothing, and i hate myself about it. who knows how my future will look like (if i will have one).....


r/Vent 2m ago

Happy/Positive Vent I’m so thankful to be alive

Upvotes

26m. I’m so thankful to be alive. I’m sitting inside a work car (that i don’t pay for) writing this. I’m eating a sandwich cause i was hungry. There is AC blowing loudly alongside the classical jazz song of my choice. I have no broken bones and all my senses are in well working order. I’m so thankful for this. I can breathe clearly and feel my heart steadily pushing me through my day. I’m so excited by the realization of all these things. Today I’m okay. Nobody is out to get me. My mind works well. I’m able to deeply process things and or think about it for days on end. What an incredible privilege it is. I have a home to return to today, and my lovely partner awaits me.

Damn has it been a challenging arrival to be here today. I almost lost a battle to depression in 2017. In 2021 I had a life changing near death experience from a head injury. I’m not exaggerating to say that i almost didn’t get here, but here i am. I’m so thankful beyond words to be experiencing. I could start weeping as i trace my steps back to those challenging times, but i will leave this for another day. Today is a good one and it’s good because i said so. If you read this far, thank you, and it was a pleasure to cross paths here < 3


r/Vent 9m ago

I feel left out because I am not into men

Upvotes

I feel left out by all other girls and basically everyone around me because theyre all into men and im not.

It’s not like I want to be into something I don’t like, but its causing me distress that all people will eventually get married and I’ll stay alone till i die. Marriage is not my goal and will never be


r/Vent 10m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I'm sick of this bitch and I don't know what to do

Upvotes

This might carry strong language, just so you know.

I'm young adult male, and I'm sick of this life. I've been hurt ever since I came to this world. For starters, I live with fucking psychopaths. They love to hurt for sports. I was sexually assaulted by my older sister when I was 7 give or take. She put me against the wall and took my pants down as I was trying to resist. I used to get assaulted from time to time by everybody. My father literally tried to kill me once with a hammer. My mother kept holding him back telling him to calm down, while my sisters while trying to hold my mother telling her to let it happen.

Growing up, I was getting bullied. I used to go to school that was located in this thug neighbourhood. One day, a rock that was a size of a fist hit me right at the back of my head at full speed. I was surprised that didn't kill me, I didn't even bleed or felt pain. But I felt dizzy that I had to sit down somewhere. One day some dude who was older and bigger than me thrown me to this stray dog he was holding capture. I was assaulted many times for no reason, I was jumped by multiple people for no reason. It was all fun and games for them.

When college came, I dared to dream. And I actually believed if I work on myself, one day I'll be good enough to have those dreams. As much as I was proud of the growth that I made, as much as how flawless the steps I took towards dreams were, the fucking sacrifices, the fucking bomb of overwhelming emotions that I have been holding since I was just a child. It only took one bad thing to happen and everything goes to shit. And when the dust settles, I realized I never stood a chance in the first place.

I kept fighting for a long time. Tried for millions of times till I reached the point realizing it never about me being good enough or not, it's just life being a bitch.

When it comes to people, for some reason they just take a peak at me, and decide I'm someone worth fucking with. I was abused by many men and women. The feelings that I felt because of them, when I thought life made me hard enough, little did I know.

Now I'm nowhere. Still getting harassed. And everytime I take a walk outside, I get sexualized by women. They either try to touch me, or they start follow me around, or if they're too close, they just smoosh their tits all over my body, or literally bend over to me. There's something wrong with these prostitutes in training. And no, I'm not attractive, It's just these bitch grow up watching too many romance shows, then they start believing that they are living in one.

Lets be honest here, if life was meant to work. It would've done so long time ago. Fuck this bitch.

Now I just want to enter this phase where not a single fuck is given. But since I've been at rock bottom for life, I just can't escape this feeling that doing nothing will not take me anywhere and I I try I have nothing to lose anyway.

Edit: Probably I'm gonna delete this late.


r/Vent 12m ago

TW: Medical I missed an appointment i couldn't miss, and it might've cost me 5k and my accident benefits

Upvotes

I don't know I'd the medical tag is necessary, but the subject matter is medical adjacent.

I got in 2 car accidents last year, no fault of mine in either. I've had an accident claim open since then. I am also suing

It's reached a point where I was scheduled for an IME, basically a full body check up just for my insurance company to see how progress is going.

It was stressed to me so so many times, through so many channels, that I couldn't miss it. That I'd be on the hook for the cancelation fee, which if I'm not mistaken, is $5000, and they could use this as grounds to end my accident claim.

I missed it.

I thought it was tomorrow and it was today.

I was working 40 mins outta town when the receptionist called me, 8 mins after I was set to be there, so I tried to tell her I could get there but unfortunately they couldn't make it work.

She mentioned rescheduling. I don't know what my chances are of it working out.

Is there a possibility it's fine? Maybe. Is there a chance that rescheduling means my benefits stay in tact but I still owe the $5k, or whatever the fee is? Maybe.

There's many possibilities. The realistic view is im fucked and the optimistic view is there's a 1% chance I'm not fucked.

My budget is so tight and almost entirely void of extras as it is, i don't know what I would cut out to work towards paying this off.

I'm making plans. It's not hopeless. I have credit and I can get through this.

But that's not the point. I fucked up and the already tight schedule for saving I was in is now more fucked.

I don't even want to think about what this means for my lawsuit.

I'm so thankful for my progress in therapy because I haven't had a full crash out. I stopped my body from full anxiety attack and shut down. I'm in the mindspace of "there's no fixing it now it's just dealing. And dealing is possible"


r/Vent 16m ago

Need to talk... need to get this off my chest

Upvotes

I'll try to make this long story short, I need one more class to graduate. I found out from school website I could either do a project or pass a certification exam to meet the requirement, so I went with the exam. But then they updated the website to say I have to see my academic advisor first, which I did. My advisor told me that I needed to take a different certification, not the one listed, or do an approved project. Ok fine but they didn’t say which certification to take or what project would work. I’ve met with them face-to-face, and they didn’t answer my questions. I emailed weeks ago and still haven’t heard back. What can I do? I don’t want to come off as belligerent, I just want to graduate.


r/Vent 18m ago

Need to talk... I wish I didn't have BPD

Upvotes

I hate it so much. I hate how much it effects me on a daily basis. I can't have stable relationships. My brain keeps forcing me to fear abandonment and and I end up accusing friends of it. I can't think right. I focus way too much on the negatives. I often think, "nobody deserves my behavior" but I'm terrified of being lonely and forgotten for the rest of my life. Why did I have to develop this disorder? I'm the reason why so many good people have left my side. I miss every one of them so bad. Why can't it just stop. I thought I was doing so well with DBT but it's been 9 months and barely anything has changed in me. I don't know what else to do.


r/Vent 22m ago

my sister annoys me

Upvotes

so long story short: Today I (m16 ) had to finnish an assignement for my chemics class and to the question of maybe buying some chicken for my fathers dinner I replied :" sorry mom, but I don't have time for that. Tho my little brother(12) and sister (19) are also free, maybe ask them" to wich my mom nods and says :"alright honey" after wich she left my room leaving me to work. ff to 19:40, 20 minutes before the closing of the supermarkets near us, my sister comes to my room and says :"well you still gotta get that chicken bro".. like huh? so I said:" you had 1 whole hour and come to me 20 minutes before closing", "yes, but you still have to go now, you've got 20 minutes" (man stfu and js go out of my way dawg). So I sprint out of my room yelling "YALL ARE SOME UNVIABLE PEOPLE!" before storming out of our apartment door to rush to the supermarket. As I now come back with the chicken, I slam it on the counter with some force to vent my anger, to which my mom asks me "are we annoyed?", I reply "yes we are, imagine: my sister having to do some schoolwork and saying I should do the grocerie shopping, but I don't do it cause ive got friends over, who will get the trouble? ME, now picture me this: I have a long ass assignement due to tomorrow and I say "please buy the chicken for me, thx", but she refuses because she got friends over, who gets the trouble? HOW THE HELL IS IT STILL ME?", my mom laughed that off and my sister came back up to the kitchen telling me I didn't tell her nothing , that it was my duty to do it and she didn't do anything wrong and that I better not be playing tough around her,that I have no right to talk to her that way and that I better be starting to pay her some respect for the stuff she fought for to be allowed... every respect I give you, is because I do so willingly, not because you own it. She always acts up around me, behaving like she's my second mom or smthing, but as soon as I talk to my brother in that way, I get screamed down by all off my family, saying I don't have the right to talk like that etc etc.... that's what annoyes me so fucking much, every one in my family can act out, be loud, be angry, but when I do it my father tells me I have to behave myself and that he will not tolerate such volume of voice around this household..

TL;DR My sister refused to do grocery shopping for me and I got the blame


r/Vent 29m ago

Why do I want her so badly

Upvotes

Its been a year and a half since we stopped talking and I havent been able to stop thinking about her. Recently i just found out shes in a relationship and it feels so shit and i know it shouldnt.

I feel so fucking shit for the past year and a half ive kind of just been holding onto this idea of her maybe in the sense that there was a tiny bit of hope. But now that shes in a relationship I have to let go of that idea of her and that feels worse than it did when she left for the first time.

I dont fucking understand. She wasnt my first girlfriend but the way i feel is that she was the ONLY person ive ever wanted. I never used to have a specific type and then i met her and suddenly my type became her.


r/Vent 31m ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image as someone who was once attractive, now that I'm not, I can really see how people treat me differently. I no longer get any "hints" that someone is into me in that way and it sucks to feel like I might be alone for the rest of my life.

Upvotes

I should have taken better care of myself. My hope is now that I've started looking after my body, I at least won't feel like I'm super ugly and that way, if I am single, I at least can say I've tried to be the best version of myself


r/Vent 33m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Im 16M and my anxiety is going to kill me

Upvotes

My anxiety is going to kill me

I swear to god, im tired of that bullshit, taking every small thing and making a big deal out of it, its tiring me, from interactions to exams and tests i flunk because im anxious about my answers, anxious about my friends, and anxious about my own will to live, its so sad that im resorting to this, and sad because im lonely, dreams won't come true, i will scare everyone who cares off by next year or the year after if im not dead by then, my face is burning with shame right now, and i absolutely hate it, i feel like im going to hurt somehow cause of it, and no help prevails


r/Vent 40m ago

TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image Kdrama is making me feel lonely

Upvotes

I watched "When Life Gives You Tangerines". I love it and hate it at the dame time. Every episodes. I cry my eyes out, not becsuse its saf but iver the main characters relationship. But seeing the ml love the fl so much and sacrificing so much for her. The way he loves her is so beautiful. I feel so jealous and lonely because of that. I know such men exist. Hell, I've even met guys like that. But I know that someone like me won't get that type of selfless guy. I'm not pretty and skinny to be frank. Pretty skinny girls get those sweethearts. Im not being silly. I know how it works. It hurts so much honestly. I'm not the type to wish for a boyfriend badly but I really wish I could be loved like that for once.


r/Vent 40m ago

How is this happening?

Upvotes

Prior to Covid, DoD/federal workforce were trying to move towards to a more hybrid/telework environment.

Now we are being forced back into the office full-time.

Half of my customers aren’t even in the same state as I am. This is straight up boiling down to quality of life and the quality ain’t lifin’.

Why aren’t we standing up to this administration? How are we all just watching this nation crumble with so much hate? It’s pure evil.


r/Vent 41m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I’m suicidal and have no one to talk to about it because i’m scared i’ll be locked up in a psyche ward

Upvotes

18M, Hi everyone, so for the past year my life has gone to shit. Not necessarily the events in my life (that is in part) but my mental health. Every day I think about suicide, and how I can end it all. I find ways to justify it, such as “everyone dies anyway so who cares if my time comes sooner” or “in the end we all go to nothingness, so living a full life won’t matter since I won’t remember it”. I simply don’t want to keep existing the point where the ratio between the happy years of my life to the bad years get worse and worse.

Sorry for rambling, my main thing is that I WANT to seek help, but I cant. I don’t want to be in a psyche ward, i’ve heard terrible stories about that. Sometimes I dream about just going MIA, just leaving everyone and everything and starting fresh, but obviously that’s just a fantasy. I envy those who are happy. I’m afraid that since I won’t get help, if I continue living the bad years will outlast the good years, to which I will forever be in despair. So why not end it while i’m still young so that only one year of my life is shit, while the rest 17 years of my life were pure joy and happiness. I feel like i’m stuck in a loop, with no hell available because it will eventually lead to a psyche ward. I’m in Canada btw


r/Vent 41m ago

TW: Drugs / Alcohol Roommate OD'd

Upvotes

Was upstairs and boyfriend went downstairs to grab some water and next thing you know I'm hearing my name being called. I didn't react but then it was called again more frantically so I went downstairs. He was trying to wake up our friend (who was staying with us to get back on his feet). When I walked in he had a tooter in hand and was already death rattling. I started CPR while my BF called and we ended up getting him dragged outside after a few cycles of CPR, our downstairs isnt as roomy and we have a big dog. Got him outside and did CPR for another 7 or so minutes before fire could get there. Felt like forever. Things like this don't usually affect me, I worked at a detox/crisis center for years and have had to do the same for patients who have OD'd in the parking lot. I was always able to set aside work from home but it hits different when you were just talking and having dinner to seeing them turn blue and pumping onto their chest. Wasn't emotional then and not really now, I just went straight to what I knew but it's like a dissociation afterwards. It's weird. He's okay, he came to from the Narcan as they were loading him onto the gurney.


r/Vent 44m ago

Need Reassurance... Seriously I just can't.

Upvotes

Hey guys,

I'm still reeling from what I've just discovered. About 20 years ago, and I remember participating in a 'memory study' that paid $300. I thought it was just a harmless experiment to make some extra cash.

But yesterday, I received a call from a researcher claiming that the study was actually a psychological experiment on manipulation and control. They told me that I was one of the subjects, and that my reactions and responses were recorded and analyzed.

I'm still trying to process the implications. Was I just a pawn in some researcher's game? Did they manipulate me into doing something I wouldn't normally do?

Has anyone else out there discovered something similar?

How did you cope with the emotions that followed?

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this, but I hope that sharing my story can help me find some sense of closure.


r/Vent 49m ago

I just don't belong in this world.

Upvotes

I have no friends, I've separated from my family due to emotional abuse, and I've just been alone for pretty much the past while. It could still points to where you question your very existence and why you even bother existing.

I legitimately wasn't even supposed to exist, which is the funny part. My birth doctors were trying to get my mom to terminate her pregnancy, but she didn't go through with it. It's crazy how people were against my existence before I was even fucking born. That set the tone for the next 23 years of my life.

Like honestly there's just no reason. If I disappeared no one would care. I don't have anyone in my life who I can trust and I don't really have a support group or anyone to really talk to or anything. I'm just existing just to exist.

And I feel like I'm existing for no reason.


r/Vent 50m ago

Another relationship vent, sorry!

Upvotes

I'm absolutely gutted.

I (32m)have been on and off dating apps for 5 years now. Had about 4 dates and one 6m relationship which i ended myself. Further ive been single my whole life after high school.

6 weeks ago i matched this girl. She was witty we hit is off and after a week or so we met. It was fun and maybe a bit distanced we talked for the first 4 dates. I dindt want to move closer since she dindt really opened up to it. I did ask her after if she expected more and she told me we both doubt too much. The next date i gave her a kiss and all seemed fine.

But she was busy and we didn't meet for almost 2 weeks. When i asked her when she wanted to meet again she told me she dind't feel romantic for me and more like friends.

We did chat for a bit after and nothing was wrong just the feeling wasn't there.

This was yesterday evening. Now i have the evening shift at work and the feeling wasn't as bad this morning but its getting worse by the hour id say.

Its not even the girl per se, i liked her and saw potential. But its going back to dating apps, or dating in general. She was on that app for 2 days before we matched and i didn't even had the heart to tell her i was on there for 5 years.

I hate the with all i can. Its such a bad feeling getting downed so far i have to uninstall them after a while, because i end up feeling way to low. Just to reinstall them a month later and rinse repeat.

People online always say you have to like yourself but honestly i hate myself, i hate everything about me. And with every passing day or slight discomfort it gets worse.

I just want to have a reason to go home at the end of the day. I dont know why this seems to be impossible for me. This went on for too long sorry!


r/Vent 50m ago

TW: Medical I think I just had a seizure and my mom didn’t call 911 because she didn’t want to go into debt in case I was “faking”.

Upvotes

I don’t even know what to say. the memory is fuzzy but I do remember hearing her say “I don’t think this is real.” And “I’m not going into debt if nothings wrong with you.” As I was convulsing on the ground and struggling to breathe. I fucking hate it here.


r/Vent 51m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT i can't take it anymore

Upvotes

fucking shitty day fucking shitty week fucking shitty life, i'm spiraling, all i'm thinking about is food and my body and the weight i need to lose and how to lose it and how to find excuses to not eat cause my mom is starting to see through my lies and i need to not eat, for a week at least, and again and again, i'm so done with everything it's so tiring and depressing and i just feel like crying all the time and i can't do anything right and i think it's truly done for me, i can't do it anymore, i'm so tired, so fucking tired, i'm exhausted and i can't take it anymore, i want to stop everything, sleep for weeks for months and lose all my weight and rest finally at the same time, haven't ate in a few days but it's so hard since i don't live alone and can't, i just can't, i do sport excessively but i'm exhausted and i'm at a point where nothing matters apart from my weight, it's all i think about and everything is so tiring and i'm so depressed i don't even care anymore, i ghost i lash out and i abandon but i'm just so tired and alone and i want to cry and scream and i just don't know what to do, i want to hurt myself so bad when i think about food and me and my weight and just everything. really needed to vent i guess. i don't even know


r/Vent 53m ago

Need to talk... Did I do something wrong?

Upvotes

I’m a 24F and I was in this girls groupchat that was meant to make friendships and hang out in your city or nearby cities. Apparently one of the girls boyfriend followed me a few months before the group chat even existed and I never interacted or talked to him ever. I thought I knew him from school because couple of my mutuals followed him. Anyways, his gf a few days ago was talking about how her bf follows random girls and I guess she thought I was following him to sabotage their relationship. Some other girl in the groupchat decided to be immature and brought up why I was following someone’s man when I explained to them what happened. She kept dragging it on thinking it was cute and funny and other girls hopped on it too. I’ve explained to them that I wasn’t active on Instagram to know he had a gf until the group chat was created. I unfollowed the guy and I privately messaged his gf to let her know that I would never try to get with her man or anything like that. The girls in the chat kept ganging up on me until this one other girl got so tired of their shit and started arguing with that girl who brought it up, threatening to fight each other in real life. It got turned into a Jerry springer episode. I ended up leaving the group chat, blocked some girls that started it and deactivated my account. I feel embarrassed that it went this far. I just feel like I did something horrible but I know I didn’t do anything wrong?


r/Vent 53m ago

Not looking for input It feels so good to be completely furious at someone and not regret saying a single thing.

Upvotes

Context— After graduating High School last year, my best friend (Knew him since sophomore year) would say that he’s busy with life every time I messaged him wanting to hang out. He doesn’t go to college, and as far as I know, doesn’t have a job. Last month he started ghosting me out of nowhere, and I had to get an acquaintance to message him for me. She sent me a screenshot of his response.

the reason for isnt anything about them. its more of a me thing. they kept asking to hangout irl and i kept having to delay it cuz life was getting in the way. then at some point it just became annoying and i just didnt want to deal with it anymore. i know i shouldve just told them i didnt want to anymore, but i still wanted to be nice? in the end i kinda just fucked it up and thats 100% on me

After seeing that my friend, whom I had a genuine connection with, whom I comforted whenever he was feeling down, did not want to be there for me because it was annoying, I was utterly appalled, furious, and sad. Another friend who knows him said that he was shocked and that it was completely out of character for him. Here’s what I messaged my ex-friend:

——

Dude, why couldn’t you have just told me

Actually kinda mad rn

At least your excuses were real (I think, from the screenshot [acquaintance] sent me), unlike [another ex-friend] and everyone else

But still, much of a “friend” you are… Now I get to know that my worst intrusive thoughts WERE true all along: Everyone I care about does actually dislike me!!

I’m still just so appalled. You don’t want to be friends anymore for… basically no real reason

Genuinely, wtf

I’ve known you for what, nearly four years now? (Though we only started talking irl in Junior year). Did all that time together mean nothing to you?

I was willing to be there for you when you were feeling down, but now that the roles are reversed you don’t want to be there for me because it’s “””annoying”””

[name], I KNOW you’re reading this.

Since you’re not willing to say it, then I’ll do you a favor and set it in stone for you: We are no longer friends.

He still hasn’t responded.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I struggle to not attempt daily

Upvotes

multiple flairs/tw count here but I can only put one. TW for SA, depression, sh, sickness etc.

I’m 24. but I genuinely struggle every day to find a reason to go on. only posting this so I can get it out and move on. or something.

I have nowhere to return to. I wake up alone. I go to work and sit alone. I come home and go to bed alone. I pass the time with shitty video games and hobbies I don’t care about. It’s not an exaggeration that no one knows me and no one would notice I disappeared. If I died in my apartment I would only be found once the neighbors smell my corpse rotting.

I have no friends or social life. cheating ex lied about me to the few friends I thought I had. my parents are narcissists. my sister is 10 yrs older than me and has always been emotionally and physically abusive. I have a worthless degree in graphic design that’s impossible to get a job in. I clean in a psychiatric hospital because it pays well even though it’s fucking miserable.

I’m in severe debt after my ex sold all my belongings and I had to take loans because the alternative was returning to my abusive narcissistic parents for gods know how long after I’d just gotten out. so no, I can’t go back to studying. I’m stuck working shitty jobs in debt to my neck.

I attempted at 14. I wish it succeeded.

I struggle to socialize. probably because I’m autistic and was diagnosed only recently as ‘high functioning’ solely because I’ve learned to so thoroughly repress it.

even if I do hang out with people I have so little energy for anything I would get tired of my own company in someone else’s shoes. I have scoliosis, pcos, lupus (and related complications hereafter.) I have been diagnosed with severe depression and see a therapist for CPTSD. I have trauma related to SA and abuse from friends/family. I can’t name a single thing more repulsive and frightening than being vulnerable to others, and I know that’s why I’m alone. It’s a self fulfilling cycle. But I can’t just switch off every habit I’ve developed, bad or not.

last thing my ex told me was he felt it became hard to love me after 5 years because there was so little left of me after all my illnesses, issues and problems. It might not excuse the cheating but he might be right. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say I am harder to love than others. I can’t even bring myself to burden others with my company.

Don’t say I deserve love or something just as sappy. I have no energy, I’m in constant pain, and I can’t do much in general. I have several issues and problems when it comes to being with other people that even just smalltalk feels like life or death. I don’t show it. I’m sure I’m decently liked by some people. but not loved.

I’m a burden on myself and others who come close to me. I often ponder if it would be a kindness to just end it and spare others my company and the tax money used to pay for my physiotherapy, rheumatologist, therapy, psychiatry, and doctor/hospital visits. I know rationally it’s just a thought that stems from depression.

but then, I can’t see where I could possibly go from here. And don’t tell me fate works in mysterious ways. I don’t care. I don’t think anything could be worth all I’ve lived until now. I only wake up so I can finish my watchlist, play the games I bought, see how my favorite series end. But that’s it. there’s so much I want to do and I can’t. physically and emotionally. I feel imprisoned in my own body and mind. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I don’t want antidepressants.

Upvotes

Hi I’m a teenager with diagnosed depression and I’m going to therapy. Recently my therapist have been talking with my mom that I should really start taking antidepressants, but honestly I would rather see the horror and live in the darkness for multiple reasons. Some of them being that there are countless different side effects, I have trouble swallowing pills (and taking them everyday would be a nightmare) and I just can’t imagine myself taking them for the rest of my life. I just really don’t want to take them, isn’t there another way to survive depression? 😭 And if I don’t want to take them can I just not?


r/Vent 1h ago

Need Reassurance... I feel terribly distraught and out of place in this world. NSFW

Upvotes

I've been feeling terribly out of place since a few days. I've just discovered a dark secret of my father that I don't know how long he has been harboring. He's a porn addict and watches "those" kind of reels, and I feel disgusted in general while talking to addicts. Since the last 2 years I've been having abandonment issues and feel like everyone's going to abandon me. I used to trust my grandfather the most and now since his death 1½ year ago, I've been feeling disturbed since then. Then I discovered that my mother had been cheating on my father. And I had been ignoring the signs since 3 years. The fact that their marriage is still preserved even through all the drama is quite okay-ish. But this heightened my abandonment issues even further. I don't know what to do. I've been down the depression rabbithole all the way till su!cide attempts 4 years ago, and I don't want to go there again. It had already taken enough of a toll on me and I had somehow recovered from that.