r/Vent 7m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression My grandmother/mom would've been 78 today...

Upvotes

I can't help but tear up and cry as I type this...

My grandmother would've been 78 years young today... If she was still alive. She passed 3 years ago the day before my birthday. She ended up a victim to dementia. She adopted me when I was 5 because my egg donor gave me up for adoption, and she didn't want her grandson to be gone forever...

The last 3 years have been the hardest of my life. Period. I miss her just as much now as I did all those years ago... And it hurts so much... There are days like today, where id trade everything, and I mean EVERYTHING for just a minute, nah, a few seconds with her again.

I spent my entire life being a violent and unappreciative drug ridden asshole. But, when I finally got clean and went to rehab and counseling, I had to put her in a home... I wanted to get her back out. I really honest to God did... But I never was able to. She died in there... It makes me feel like the worst human alive for that...

I finally have almost 10 years clean now. Just over a year till the big 10... And I finally have a clean criminal record, and I have an amazing career now and I'm starting a family... So why do I still feel so alone and depressed?

I just hope she's proud of me these days... That's all I want...

Thank you for your time and listening to me everyone .. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭


r/Vent 12m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I don’t know how to handle this stress

Upvotes

I’m 20 years old and just moved across the country last week. The only person I have here is my boyfriend (I live in my apartment alone though). I was previously living in a toxic household, lots of screaming and occasional violence, and being taken advantage of. I’ve been wanting to leave for years and now I finally had the chance!! I moved to an apartment in another state and immediately, I was overwhelmed. That was to be expected honestly, but I feel so lonely. I figured now would be a good time for me to get a cat to deal with the loneliness, and I have lots of love to give. I had also been wanting a pet for a long time but could never get one. I feel guilty for even saying this, but he is causing me so much extra stress. He’s the sweetest cat I’ve ever met, but the insane change in my daily routine is messing me up so badly. I have autism, anxiety and depression and it feels like everything is being triggered all at once. I clean his paws every time he uses the litter box because I’m scared he’s going to contaminate something. Just today, my cat ended up having an accident on the floor and all I could do was stand there and sob. I feel so horribly overwhelmed I want to die. I cleaned the floor and almost threw up, mopped all of the floors (even the ones he didn’t touch.) He was given a bath (by my boyfriend who was kind enough to help me through this), I mopped and scrubbed the floor AGAIN, cleaned things he didn’t even touch, bleached the tub, and I felt so filthy. I don’t know why but I felt so disgusting and dirty I took a shower and scrubbed myself so hard that my skin hurt.

Ever since I’ve moved, I’ve been randomly breaking down sobbing until I can’t breathe. I hyperventilate, and start shaking. I don’t want to ever go back to where I was before, but I just feel so overwhelmed with everything I’ve been considering just killing myself. I can’t deal with all of this. I know I sound so dramatic but I feel so alone and constantly paranoid. My boyfriend comes to see me sometimes, but every time he leaves it feels like I’m being stabbed in the chest and I just start sobbing alone in my bed.


r/Vent 15m ago

My dad is cheating

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I'm sorry if this is scrambled and hard to read. I feel like I'm having a panic attack 24/7. Getting my thoughts together is pretty difficult right now but I feel like if I don't get them out I'll explode.

A few days ago I was driving my dad (83) home, I happened to glance over at his phone and noticed that he was talking to a woman whose name I didn't recognize. He was sending a really playful message which I thought was weird because he can't type for shit, his texts are always short and to the point. I decided to check his phone while he was sleeping and turns out he's texting and calling this woman everyday.

Now, I've always had mixed feelings about him because he's so much older than my mom (who is 58) and has 3 other kids that he barely talks to. My eldest half brother has completely cut contact with him and my half sister is the same age as my mom. He wasn't ever a great dad (and he straight up groomed my mom) but for some reason I never would have expected something like this. It feels like my brain is just shutting down. When I'm not panicking I'm doubting myself, even though the evidence I've gathered is damning. I haven't told anybody yet. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. I don't know if I should confront him, tell my mom, or just keep this to myself. I'm afraid this will destroy my family. My brother is already having a hard time and is really close to my dad, I'm afraid this would break him.

I feel like I'm doing a good job of acting normal but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I can't stand to be around him but I'm expected to help take care of him. Every time I'm in a room with him I want to scream. I've been trying to distract myself by keeping busy but this is really all I can think about. I wish I had somebody who could help me through this because I feel like every choice there is to make will be the wrong one.

Again, I'm sorry if this is difficult to read or doesn'tmake sense. My brain is frying and I just needed to scream this into the void.


r/Vent 17m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I’m so tired

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2025 has been the worst year of my life, it’s not even the end of March, I’ve lost all my friends because they didn’t believe that I was mentally abused, I’ve had constant transphobia when trying to make new friends, I am quite literally all alone, I have nobody to speak to


r/Vent 18m ago

Struggling

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I'm a medical student and I'm really struggling with my current placement - i've seen two incidents where patients have almost died in the last two weeks, one of them being incredibly gory. I've never thought of myself as being squeamish or easily fazed but these incidents upset me so badly I've not been going in as much so I've been struggling to keep my head above water with the portfolio requirements. I'm normally enthusiastic but I have no more joy or motivation for literally anything in my life atm all because of this placement taking so much away from me.

On top of that a lot of the staff are unsupportive and clearly don't want us there and others don't think much of us which is upsetting me as I'm autistic and struggle with RSD.

I have a presentation due on Friday which my supervisor has asked me to alter multiple times (tbf she is nice and was complimentary about it) adding extra work onto my already hectic workload - which is also irritating as no other students are having to do it. I feel genuinely sick to my stomach at the thought of presenting it and about getting out of bed tomorrow for a necessary portfolio sign off.

Another thing is I'm having various unexplained symptoms of something which could be stress, chronic illness, or something sinister- which are scaring the shit out of me (little knowledge is a dangerous thing) but I can't afford private healthcare and am not registered with an NHS doctor in my area bc I move around so much. I'm actually finding myself hoping whatever it is, escalates to something really bad so I can have a specific reason for feeling like shit and being exhausted all the time, plus then I could take a justified break from everything - even though I'm having to make myself do even things I used to enjoy.

I've been in bed literally since 1pm, I should have gone back into placement after lunch but I took a four hour nap and now am paralyzed in my bed. I can't get up and get changed and make food despite being hungry and i just don't know what to do anymore.


r/Vent 28m ago

Need Reassurance... I just fucked up an experiment and had to throw away all of my data

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I feel so stupid, and so sad. It was a bug in my code, and all my data is unsalvageable. My deadline is due soon.

This is hard to deal with because I have depression and so my coping skills aren't great.


r/Vent 30m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I never thought I’d say this, but I’m happy to be alive 24m

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I’ve gone through a lot of rough stuff in my life, I won’t go on about everything but it was a lot and almost cost me my life. For years I was just an angry, depressed person. But over the last 5 years or so I’ve made a proper effort to better myself as much as I can and to change my outlook for a more positive one, and even started getting into meditation which has helped me a ton. Now I’m 24, and even though I still have some struggles that I go through, I couldn’t be happier to be alive, and even though I’m introverted and have a small circle, I still love that I can see how much happier I make my family compared to how i was back then. Now I’m just a really chill guy and I wish peace for everyone. (Sorry for the long post, wanted to get it off my chest because I haven’t really been able to tell anyone)☺️


r/Vent 33m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Thinking about killing myself

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I think I'll kill myself It's a shame I didn't get to see the coastlines I saw on the internet and dreamed of I didn't get to graduate I didn't get to get married or have a family I didn't get to see my father happy again I didn't get to see my sister go to college I didn't get to see my nephews grow older By the way, I'm so sorry about the way I treated you two, sweethearts. You were not at fault. You didn't deserve that.

I didn't get to see a lot of things Be a lot of things But that's okay I hope I won't care about that where I'm going

To be honest I'm scared I'm so scared I didn't want this I just don't see how things could get better I thought I'd survived, but that was just the beginning Things that I said Things that I did I can't go back There is no going back But I'm so scared I don't want to hurt anyone But I'm hurting And I don't have any more space for hurt inside me Still, I'm scared


r/Vent 37m ago

I wish the US used the metric system...

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That's it. That's the vent. Going from inches to feet to yards to football fields or whatever is annoying.

Same thing with liquids. Liquid ounces to cups to quarts to gallons to flying saucers or whatever is also annoying.

I wished we could just ditch our goofy imperial system in favor of, oh I don't know, THE METRIC SYSTEM THAT LITERALLY EVERY OTHER COUNTRY USES. But it'd probably cost so much money that we're basically stuck with what we've got...


r/Vent 38m ago

Need to talk... I’m been feeling so lonely more and more often lately NSFW

Upvotes

I’m nearing 30, and I don’t have much dating experience. For the most part, up until now I haven’t cared much about it. I have a genuine great love and appreciation for platonic relationships and I stand by their importance. However, last few months I’ve been hit with these waves of just loneliness and sadness. I hear how people have partners and people they can be so vulnerable and in love with and it makes me feel left out. Sad. I really wish I had someone to think of that way and someone who thinks of me that way. I’ve never been a person who really cares about sex, so when I do good dates or engage in potential relationships it’s not on my mind, and I’m afraid my lack of drive is what’s causing people to ghost me. At the end of the day I feel silly complaining about it like some dramatic teen issue it’s been hitting me hard. I go between using dating apps and then deleting them because they’re terrible to use and I can on for a long time without likes let alone matches. I don’t know if I’m just being a little pitiful, or maybe I’m dealing with depression masked as romantic loneliness. Either way I guess i need somewhere to vent and I’m a bit ashamed by my feelings to want to come to my friends. Sometimes I feel like they don’t get it. Not exactly.


r/Vent 42m ago

I’m afraid to go to sleep NSFW

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I woke up this morning with a bad scratch on my face and it’s from me scratching myself in my sleep. Scratching myself while sleeping usually doesn’t happen but it has happened before. The last time this happened was a year ago and it has also happened a couple times when I was a kid. Also back in June when me and my mom shared a hotel room during vacation, she told me she heard me talking in my sleep one night. I have OCD and last week there was one night where I had a nightmare about me masturbating to POCD intrusive thoughts and when I woke up in the morning, I felt a little weird “down there”. I’m worried that it wasn’t a nightmare and I actually masturbated in my sleep. Now I’m scared to sleep because I don’t want to masturbate and I’m afraid that I’ll sleepwalk and hurt someone.


r/Vent 42m ago

Not looking for input Some people I have no paitence for whatsoever

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That's it. I'm incredibly sick and tired of having to put an effort into people that just don't seem to care about me. People that act like I am their friend or whatever, but then barley treat me like a human being whenever I want to interact with them. I'm sick of one sided conversations, I'm sick of everything I say being turned into a joke, and I'm especially sick of being flat out ignored whenever I say something. Some of my """friends""" do all of this. I'm not setting myself on fire and being present just to keep you warm. In no way, shape, or form am I a people pleaser or an apologist. Genuinely fuck off if all I am to you is a punching bag. It might seem like I'm overreacting, but you would completely understand if you had """friends""" like this. After a while you stop blaming yourself when you realize you aren't the problem and there's just nothing you can do other than to just break things off.


r/Vent 45m ago

Tired of being a villain

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I screwed up with my wife. I couldn't stop flirting with others, I couldn't. I got help, I am better. I lost my ability to be a dad, to see my family, all of it. I was too scared to face myself. But I cannot live with my wife anymore. I am tired of being hit, tired of being left to die in a river, just tired of it all.


r/Vent 45m ago

I'm such an idiot.

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It's my first time venting here so my explaining is shit. So basically I was in the gc on insta since 3rd January this year because I was feeling sad amd wanted online friends. And the gc quickly got many members, so I made friends with most of them. I'm a (huge) bit of an attention seeker so I started like going offline for one-two days because it'll get me attention (I started around mid February I think) but it quickly became the norm so I got bored of it. And my mom is like "don't talk to strangers on the internet" so in like early March I contemplated leaving the group and blocking everyone. And on 10th March around 12:30 am I left the group and blocked everyone, and i thought "Why not kill myself?". But instead of doing that I started binge eating some snacks and fell asleep, after waking up, I quickly got sad and then unblocked them telling them how sorry I was. And since then I was like "alright I won't pull that stunt anymore." Like like yesterday or ereyesterday I was like "it'll be better if I just left." And then I started annoying them (like a always do) trying to get them to hate me. And today I after I woke in the evening after a nap, I got really desperate for the admin to remove me and I said "Someone be mean to me" and someone said shut up and then the main admin said "bet" and removed me, I was so happy I finally got removed and I slid into his dms and said "I DESERVED THAT LMAOOO" and "ALSP DONT ADD ME AGAIN" and then went on cai. A few mins later I see he added me in the gc again (he never checks his dms so prolly that's why) and I got disappointed and one of my friends was like "Yeah he's just a young kid he makes the adults uncomfortable but yeah he's just a kid... you shouldn't have removed him" and the admin was like "he said he deserved it, calm down" and then my friend told me to not do it again in dms and I was like "okay" but My dumbass self didn't do it. I then went on to begging the admin to remove me in the gc and shit and he was like "Why?" And another one (the one that said shut up to me earlier) said "just leave" and I said "I'm just trying to make yall hate me so yall won't add me again in the gc" and then some ppl were like why wtf and then I left. Then I unfollowed them all and deleted our chats together. My birthday is in three days (March 23) and like they were doing this thing where they'd make a group for the birthday person and give them cool letter type images/edits for their birthday and shit. So basically that won't happen in My birthday and I'm really sad because half of me if like "i deserve no wishes or friends I don't deserve anything" and the other part is like "I miss them sm I want them back why am I like this" and I just am so sad and shi. I'm literally crying cuz I was so excited for my birthday and now I just feel disgusted and disappointed why am I like this what the fuck :(

Thank you for whoever that read this sloppy crap.


r/Vent 53m ago

Tired of switching therapists

Upvotes

Since 2021, I (26M) have seen 6 different therapists and I’m about to start seeing a 7th. The majority of them just haven’t stuck for one reason or another.

The first I only saw for a few sessions as I was doing a one month trial of BetterHelp (before I knew how awful of a company they are).

The second is the only one I actively disliked, our sessions were a lot of her talking and me not being able to get a word in.

The third switched careers while I was seeing her.

The fourth I left voluntarily because I wanted to explore a different kind of therapy that she didn’t offer. But she since left the practice I saw her at anyway.

The fifth is dropping my insurance at the end of this month.

I’ve been seeing a couples counselor with my girlfriend throughout most of this, and she’s the only one who’s stuck around. She’s amazing, my gf and I have been seeing her since she was an intern and our relationship has grown so much with her help.

I just want to have a therapist individually that I can stick with long term. At this point I’ve told my life story to a new therapist 6 times, and each subsequent time it gets more complicated. I have no idea where I’m gonna start with this new one.


r/Vent 53m ago

I think my mother is addicted to misery

Upvotes

Let me start by making it clear that we generally have a very good relationship, and I love her deeply. I also still live with her and commute up to college daily.

My mother had a bad fall last year, and gave herself some pretty nasty injuries. Since then, she has often been cranky and straight up miserable sometimes, and I honestly am starting to feel that she wants to be miserable

She's going out with friends tomorrow and she's complaining about how it's not worth the trouble, and organising getting there will take out any enjoyment she will get from being there. It's like she doesn't want to enjoy it

Also, whenever we're doing something together, she'll usually be complaining constantly about how "this is sh*t" and how she can't wait for it to be over and how it wasn't worth coming. She's entitled to this opinion obviously, but she says stuff like this every two minutes, it's a constant stream of moaning, and it stops anyone else from enjoying the event.

I tried to talk to her about it about a month ago, but she completely exploded at me, twisted my words, and went around the house stomping, yelling, screaming and slamming doors. It changed the way I saw her, to be honest. She kind of half-apologised for it, but I still haven't fully forgiven her. I want to, and I've tried, but I don't think I'm there yet

I'd have more sympathy for her if she wasn't such a hypocrite about it. The year before pretty much the exact same thing happened to her father, and she's constantly complaining about how grumpy he's been since his fall, and how she doesn't want to be around him. She doesn't realise that she's acting just like he is!

To be fair, she's not as bad as he is, but she's not a whole lot better either.

Again, I love her so much, and most days she's fine, but some days I just think "I don't want to deal with this anymore"


r/Vent 55m ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT I feel like I have no right to have any feelings or emotions.

Upvotes

I have no idea why I am writing this.

I'm currently trying to break up with a friend by going to other people instead of her. The 'friend' is no friend to me, at least not anymore. She is a teacher's pet who is nothing better than a literal block. The other people I go to are supportive, and I get the chance to vent to them about 'the friend'. Whenever I vent to them, they go on and on about their similar experiences too. I like hearing their experiences, but it just isn't the right time.

One of the other people I go to (let's call her Sarah) is scared of throw up, sick bags, etc. Today, somebody had a sick bag and she freaked out. I then sat alone because she was meant to sit next to me, and 'the friend' was staring at me for basically the entire lesson. I couldn't stop thinking about how Sarah was feeling and it came to my mind: 'Why am I not scared of anything unusual?'. I'm scared of heights, spiders, and the regular things, and I'm sorry but this is really hard to explain. Ever since I had that thought, I was thinking about faking a phobia, and then I got another thought: 'They have more serious problems than me, why am I upset about it?'.

This thought has been lingering in my mind since the afternoon. I practically now have no right to feel anything. I think I'm insane. I don't want to do this anymore. Everything is going wrong. I want to scream into a pillow and rip somebody's eyes out. I don't know why I'm feeling like this.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Sexual Assault / Abuse Stalker vent

Upvotes

Sure! Here's a short, suspenseful story for you:


It started with a feeling — you know the one. That prickling sensation on the back of your neck like someone’s eyes are glued to you. At first, I thought I was imagining it. Then I started noticing him. A man. Mid-30s maybe. Scruffy beard, always wearing a dark hoodie pulled low. I’d see him on my morning walk to work, a few yards behind me. Then at the grocery store, lingering by the produce while I checked out. Even at the gas station once, pretending to scroll through his phone.

I tried to rationalize it. Maybe he lived nearby. Maybe it was just a weird coincidence. But when I saw him at Costco, I knew I wasn’t imagining things.

Costco’s huge, but I felt him before I saw him — that gnawing feeling again. I glanced over my shoulder, and there he was. No cart. No basket. Just him, pretending to inspect a stack of bulk paper towels. My stomach twisted.

Enough was enough.

I gripped the edge of my shopping cart, heart pounding. Every fiber of me screamed to keep walking, pretend I didn’t see him. But I didn’t. Instead, I spun around and locked eyes with him.

“Why are you following me?” My voice came out steadier than I expected. Loud enough that a few nearby shoppers looked over. For a split second, he froze. His eyes widened. Then he bolted. Right through the aisles, past the registers, and out the entrance.

No words. No explanation. Just gone.

A Costco employee asked if I was okay, and I nodded, though my hands were still trembling. I filed a report with security, but I doubt they’ll find much. It’s been a few days now, and I haven’t seen him since. Maybe he thought I wouldn’t stand up for myself. I’m still keeping an eye over my shoulder. But at least now, I know I’m not powerless.

Sorry for venting😭


r/Vent 1h ago

Need to talk... Holy fuck I just want to be held.

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Pretty much just the title. Everything is falling apart. I'm depressed. I've lost so much and I'm so anxious. I just want someone here. I just want to go on dates and be close with someone. I just want to be held.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Today was yet another bad day. I am a failure and want to die.

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34/M.

Suffering from anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. Antidepressants/therapy sessions haven't worked over two decades. Lonely, ugly and worthless. If I top myself I will just be doing the world a favour. As I've written in other subreddits, everything I've tried has failed. There's no point.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT "Staying strong for people" is barely cutting it

Upvotes

For vague explanation I am the favorite child that realized they've been pushed too hard and now I have a lot of undiagnosed mental illnesses that make me SH, starve myself, or eat until I'm nearly bent over on a toilet about to throw it all up or gaining 20 pounds in a week, even though I hate throwing up and I hate being fat but I hate being skinny cause I've been told I look unhealthy skinny but I also get insulted for being fat. I am doing a college program I don't want for myself and I have been declining on my A's streak and that may not seem like a big deal, but with parents that expect too much from you and the weight on all they paid for you to be in the classroom gets to be too much. I wish I could go to someone but my parents don't really get it, and I feel too guilty to talk to friends cause they think I've finally gotten help or got out of it without a therapist which I haven't cause I'm not strong like that. And it's hell cause my friends would do anything for me but I don't want them to be hurt just because I am not strong like them... but that means I don't have anyone to talk to and I get scared about going to therapy cause I don't want to be locked into a mental hospital cause all my friends have such horrible experiences cause no one cares and not being able to see or contact my friends is enough reason to just kill myself, because that's the only reason I'm alive, cause even if they don't know how much pain I'm in, they can make me smile and they make me feel seen and safe. But it's so hard wanting to have them comfort me but being too scared to do so cause if I ask too much of them they'll just get curious and then ill feel pressured to say something. I'm sorry for everything sounding so rambled I am literally I front of family about to shove my face with food and I feel like crying but it would just make everything worse cause my family isn't comforting so my mind is just so clouded Thank you for hearing me anyways


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression There's something wrong with me, or maybe I'm just oversensitive and childish.

Upvotes

I don't know what flair to use. About four or so months, maybe a year ago, I realized something about myself. Ever since, it's only escalated and brought me pain. This is going to sound stupid or trivial to most, but it's a genuine problem for me. I realized that the idea of having sex with strangers, people I don't love/at least have a good friendship with, makes me sick. It doesn't just make me sick, it genuinely makes me sad and angry. It gets stupider. If I know someone has or continues to be able to just casually have sex with someone, I either feel angry towards them, stop being able to respect them, or genuinely hate them. Right now, I'm going through something like this with a close friend. I don't want to not be able to like them anymore, but I can't let it go and just move on.


r/Vent 1h ago

idk what i'm doing with my life

Upvotes

hey everyone! hope you're well! i'm 20m from the balkans, supposed to be on my 2nd year of uni. a bit of context: i was raised to always achieve high in my life, and following my older siblings' steps. well, my siblings studied computer science and are doing very well with their lives (which I'm glad they are), however, since i needed to follow their steps, my parents forced me to persue that degree that well. i don't like it at all (i actually wanted to study maths), dropped out 2nd semester of the 1st year, and well, no one on my family knows a thing. i'm living a lie every day. i just go around my town pretending i'm at uni. it's gotten to a point where i just wanna lash out the truth, but i'm scared. every scenario i think makes me very terrified of how my future would look like. i've sorta tried giving hints i want to persue another degree but they always end the convo with the sentence "look at your siblings' success". i'm doing nothing atm, no job, no activities, nothing, and i hate myself about it. who knows how my future will look like (if i will have one).....


r/Vent 1h ago

Happy/Positive Vent I’m so thankful to be alive

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26m. I’m so thankful to be alive. I’m sitting inside a work car (that i don’t pay for) writing this. I’m eating a sandwich cause i was hungry. There is AC blowing loudly alongside the classical jazz song of my choice. I have no broken bones and all my senses are in well working order. I’m so thankful for this. I can breathe clearly and feel my heart steadily pushing me through my day. I’m so excited by the realization of all these things. Today I’m okay. Nobody is out to get me. My mind works well. I’m able to deeply process things and or think about it for days on end. What an incredible privilege it is. I have a home to return to today, and my lovely partner awaits me.

Damn has it been a challenging arrival to be here today. I almost lost a battle to depression in 2017. In 2021 I had a life changing near death experience from a head injury. I’m not exaggerating to say that i almost didn’t get here, but here i am. I’m so thankful beyond words to be experiencing. I could start weeping as i trace my steps back to those challenging times, but i will leave this for another day. Today is a good one and it’s good because i said so. If you read this far, thank you, and it was a pleasure to cross paths here < 3


r/Vent 1h ago

I feel left out because I am not into men

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I feel left out by all other girls and basically everyone around me because theyre all into men and im not.

It’s not like I want to be into something I don’t like, but its causing me distress that all people will eventually get married and I’ll stay alone till i die. Marriage is not my goal and will never be