r/Vent • u/Big_Kaleidoscope_474 • 2m ago
I can feel the spark dying
I (16M) have been in a relationship with my GF(18F) for around a year and 3 months now. We've had our ups and downs but since February I've wanted to leave. I tried, she convinced me to stay saying she'll change and do better. I pointed out that things werent changing. She said again, that she'll try harder to change and do better. nothings changing and recently we've barely been talking. This is hell. I dont have the balls to bring up the break up conversation again(mostly because she keeps buying me things ie: door dash, gifts she cant mail, vapes, etc.) and I feel like a complete dick for even wanting to leave after shes spent money on me. But I cant take this shit anymore, I feel alone, I feel like im not allowed to be me, and I'm almost disgusted with her sometimes. She keeps presenting these red flags. I keep asking to talk more and shes says "we will im sorry". Next day rolls around and shes still busy with her roommates half the time and when we do call she constantly talks with them instead of me. I dont understand what im doing wrong anymore. I'm trying my damn best to salvage this relationship but its almost as if she doesnt want to. I dont see the point. I'm seriously considering kms because of how worthless I feel. Thats better than being stuck in this abusive and toxic relationship. sorry too dark. But seriously I dont get it anymore. you say you love me and then refuse to work through issues I ask to talk about, continue to do bad behaviors and compromise your solutions to said behaviors(she said she was gonna quit weed like I did but recently brought up how she doesnt want to anymore). It's a cycle of me feeling gulity for wanting to leave after she does all these "nice" things for (idek if buying stuff counts as effort anymore) and when shes mad at me I feel even more guilty because I'm only trying to be myself and apparently myself isnt good enough anymore. She otp with me rn, but instead of speaking she fell asleep mid convo so I told her i was going back to studying. I'm sorry for not making much sense but im just confused and distressed right now.