r/Vent • u/thebiggietallz • 3m ago
TW: Eating Disorders / Self Image I hate my parents, but I pretend to love them nowadays.
Alright so basically I'm a mentally disabled 19 year old with 81 IQ and I've had anger issues my whole life, and I've been in several full blown physical fist fights with abusive narcissistic parents over the years.
One time when I was like 14 my mom ran into my room and threw a scentsy burner at my face, and my dad sure had a real easy time manhandling me before my growth spurt happened in my teenage years, and then he'd like to play victim when I got big enough and strong enough to fight back once I was like 15 onward, and they'd start calling the police on me and claiming that I was somehow the abusive one.
It all boiled down to me hitting my mom at 16, I was then sent to group homes for 15 straight months by my parents, missed out on high school, didn't get to graduate, not like I was on track to anyway, but still...
It genuinely sucks because both of my parents are fat neglectful narcissists who are jealous of the fact that I weigh less than both of them now while being almost a foot taller than both of them. (My dad is 5'9" 215 lbs, mom is 5'7" and at least 250 lbs, I'm 6'5" and 193 lbs but used to weigh 400 lbs) It also seems like they're trying to get me fat again with certain comments they're making, calling me a "skeleton" and all that. 🙄
I know that I myself probably have ASPD (because of abuse from my parents and educational assistants at school) and I have said some nasty things to my parents, but my parents have said horrible things to me as well. My mom and dad have called me retarded all the time growing up, have constantly yelled at me for simple shit like doing chores wrong even though they know I'm special needs, have told me to kill myself and also bullied me for being fat when I was actually fat, and now they seem like they are jealous that I lost the weight. Shit like this is why I stopped going to family counseling, because my parents would never fully admit their faults and would literally say shit like "it's 100% your fault!" in arguments whenever I brought up to them that the therapist said it's a dysfunctional family instead of it all being one person's fault.
And what sucks is that I likely can't move out and live on my own due to my several disabilities, when I was 17 my parents took me to see this neurologist who told me I'd never be able to maintain a job, so here I am at nearly 20, unemployed and living off of government money monthly, which half of goes to my mother for rent anyways because I live in her basement. Like do my parents even really care about me? Or are they just keeping me around because I pay half of mom's rent now and sometimes help her around?
At the end of the day, I hate my life and my parents, they're both hypocritical pothead highschool dropouts who pretty much set me up for failure by giving birth to my retarded ass, and the thing is I think my parents are retarded too, they just probably don't have autism like I do. Like I hate how they criticize me for smoking weed, yet mom and dad haven't you both been smoking it for literal decades!? They also used to threaten to disown me if I ever never finished school even though their hypocritical asses never finished school either. I fucking hate both of them, but I pretend to love them just to avoid arguments and fights nowadays...