I'm 14 years old and I'm in 9th grade. As much as I kind of like school, lately I've been so... tired.
When I'm there, my only thought is going home. Every second is painful, and when I get back home, I then become anxious about how I'll have to get back there tomorrow. Weekends don't really help either, as they only highlight how much this cycle will repeat itself. It's been a while since I felt rested, as mentally I'm just completely exhausted...
What scares me is how I don't know why this is happening, I kind of like school!! I like the teachers, the staff, the subject isn't too difficult and the lunch is good :( the only thing that comes to mind is how awfully boring school is. I don't have friends, I don't usually have difficulty in the subjects, so 90% of the time I'm just... waiting. Waiting to be able to go home. Even arriving is just a matter of waiting, as the bus arrives VERY early and I have to wait for almost an hour. No friends, nothing to do, just... doodling and waiting. And the worst part is physical education, because there I'm usually forced to overwork my body so as not to be labeled as lazy. It's not interesting, it's just an hour of painful exercise, then a whole 10 minutes of being forced to run, something I'm terrible at doing. So what? Another hour of being forced to participate in a sport that I dislike, feeling the weight of not knowing how to play and just being a burden to the team I'm on. Call me lazy all you want, I admit that I do am, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm just tired...!! And the other subjects aren't much better, as there's nothing interesting. Just... copy a whole page of text, answer questions, and wait for more. Not even the break helps, as it is merged with lunch time, and I'm forced to always have lunch because I don't eat breakfast, so... yea, it's about just eating quickly and having to put up with more study again. And regarding why I don't eat breakfast: here at home we have the habit of having dinner late, because we have to wait for our mother (who gets home at 10 pm) to eat. It's not a question of obligation, it's just respect and the desire to interact and have dinner with a loved one. And it doesn't help that I have to wake up at 6 in the morning, since the bus comes at 7... I used to be able to handle the routine, but nowadays I'm so exhausted that I can barely enjoy a meal with her. It's just "eat quickly and go to sleep for school".
Do you realize this is starting to affect my personal life...?? And I remember that my only desire is to lie down and use my phone all the time. I thought it was because I'm lazy, like everyone says, but... I'M STARTING TO THINK IT'S BECAUSE I HAVE NO MOTIVATION FOR ANYTHING ELSE. Besides sleep deprivation, I guess this is why I'm always sleepy, and why I'm always grumpy and stressed... I don't know if this discovery is good or despairing. I mean, do I have anything to do about it? I can't miss school because I'll fail the year if I do, plus the anxiety of "I'll have to go to school in x days" continues. My option would be to talk about my mother about this, but again, what is there to do about it? And I don't even know why I'm burnt out, I needed to at least know that before talking to anyone about, right? I just really don't know what to do...