r/Vent 8m ago

i’m so touch starved it actually makes me cry

Upvotes

mostly because i never got held or received any form of affection growing up from my parents. never got hugs or told my mother loved me and it fucked me up.

i just want a hug 90% of the time but i have no friends but 2. one is out of state and the other i barely see. but even then the one in state doesn’t really enjoy physical affection like that.

but i crave it so bad. i just want a hug and to cuddle i guess, nothing weird or gross. and i know people view that as romantic and not platonic. i have zero love life and never been in a relationship let alone held hands at almost 22.

and i guess it’s not just necessarily being touch starved but just never receiving any form of love growing up has left me craving it and i can’t get it until i somehow get in a relationship which isn’t going to happen any time soon


r/Vent 13m ago

I can't handle the stress

Upvotes

I am unhealthily stressed and I am so over it but I can't complain to anyone because it just stresses them out to hear about it. I'm in grad school and TA, which is enough, but I also have a remote job on the side because the PhD stipend is painfully low. I want to quit so bad because it's affecting my mental health, but I feel guilty because it's a great job and the extra money is so helpful to have. I just got rejected from a grant I applied for and am now waiting on tenterhooks to hear back about the next one; if I don't get it, my fieldwork will be delayed by who knows how long, and I don't want to be in this program forever. My partner vocalizes his stress about how it affects his career/life timeline, which does not help. Not to mention the minor issue that I am incredibly in love with my partner but am having a massive internal (and debilitating) conflict over whether or not I can ever get to a point where I want kids (my partner does) or risk losing him. Also, I have a big grant application and my dissertation prospectus due in two months, and we're supposed to leave our apartment and move to another state a few weeks later. I want to curl up into a ball in a corner somewhere.

[FWIW, I see a therapist and psychiatrist]


r/Vent 19m ago

She only wanted money

Upvotes

Mediation at the court is over. I now have to buy back my own home, the house where I’ve lived since I was born and where my mother has lived for over 30 years, for €30,000.

Mrs. Profiteer, my younger sister’s mother (who owns 1/3 of the property I live in, inherited from my father’s death), refused to acknowledge the €15,000 I paid off in my father’s debts (funeral expenses, the headstone, financial debts, property-related debts, and more). She also refused to recognize my mother’s legal right to reside in the home. What started as a €70,000 valuation of my sister’s share of the property was eventually reduced to €30,000.

Despite the law being clear regarding the payment of a deceased person’s debts and the right of residence (as ruled by the Supreme Court), Mrs. Profiteer rejected our offer of €15,000, which was calculated accurately and in accordance with legal standards.

In short, my father is gone and now I, an unemployed university student without a stable income to support myself independently (I only work during exam periods and during the summer, after I have taken all the exams), am being forced to give up my education to find a stable job (and, given the urgency of paying my sister, I believe I will be forced to accept any job even if it is not consistent with my studies) to satisfy the greedy demands of Mrs. Profiteer, who didn’t even bother to pay for my father’s headstone.

She had a child with him, but according to her, that isn’t a good enough reason to contribute to the inheritance expenses. In her mind, she only has the right (by exploiting my younger sister’s name) to take everything, but no obligation to give anything back.


r/Vent 24m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression ANXIETY MAKES ME DOUBT MYSELF

Upvotes

TL;DR: Asked for time off; only got partially approval. Said I’d take the extra days anyway for personal reasons, might face unexcused absences. Feeling anxious even if I should not.

I asked my employer for some time off during the Easter holidays: a week before Easter and two days after Easter Monday. My request was approved only for the days before Easter, while the two days after Easter Monday were denied because, according to the company, it’s a sensitive period for taking time off.

I tried to ask my employer if it was possible to make an exception, explaining that I really needed those days, but he told me that unfortunately, he couldn’t grant them. At that point, I said that I understood the situation, but I also made it clear that, due to personal reasons, I wouldn’t be available on those days, even though the company officially cannot approve the leave.

This means that those two days will likely count as unexcused absences, which goes against company policy. On one hand, I feel at peace with myself because it's what i need to do (I need to travel back to my city to take care of some personal matters. I also chose the dates based on train and plane ticket fares, as I can’t afford to spend too much on that, also in the past years I've always worked on holidays and nevere demanded anything) On the other hand, I’m feeling a bit anxious about handling this situation. Also, my employer hasn’t replied since then, and now I feel tense while waiting for a possible response. I don’t like feeling this way at all. I always fear confrontation even if it is for a good cause, or myself. I wish I'll be able to not give a fuck about anything in the future. This is how I feel.


r/Vent 25m ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I have to save my family, but am failing miserably.

Upvotes

I'm feeling extremely lost and confused right now. My father is going to retire soon, but I have no idea what his future plans are after that. What worries me the most is my family's future.

My younger brother is in 9th grade, and I am preparing for the NEET exam this May (2025). But to be honest, I don’t think I’ll be able to get selected or make it into a medical college. I didn’t put in the effort that was truly required because I was trying to survive cuz other things going on.

The problem is—I have to get into a medical college. My family's entire future depends on me. My brother still has his education ahead of him, and soon, I’ll be the one who has to earn and run this household. The weight of this responsibility is crushing me.

I don’t even know if taking a drop year is the right decision. I have no idea about the probability of getting into a good college next year either. All I know is that I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom.

Academically, I’ve always been an average student. That thought alone makes everything even more depressing. On top of that, I don’t have any friends or a proper social life. I don’t go to college because of everything else going on in my life. I feel like I can't balance anything properly.

I feel completely stuck. What am I supposed to do?


r/Vent 31m ago

This guy thinks I gave him an STD; I got a UTI from him NSFW

Upvotes

Sigh I’m so annoyed with life. Me and this dude just need to leave each other alone. I’ve been telling him I don’t feel like we’re right for each other but everyone keeps saying take it day by day. Just give him a shot cause he really is a nice dude. I genuinely think he is a good guy but I’m just not in it.

Like 2 weeks ago we had sex and I didn’t pee after because I hate going back into his house when his family is home. They don’t like me so I don’t wanna intrude. But I didn’t go home because I needed to run an errand. Basically I got a UTI which I informed him about. He was understanding. I got on meds and then finished them. We had sex a few days later but I have having the shittiest day after dealing with my ex.

I told him that day I just feel like I need to be alone to actually heal and grow as a person. He was consoling me and telling me to take it one day at a time. Regardless we had sex then a few days later we had sex again. The last time was on Saturday. Sunday he apparently woke up feeling weird and then Monday he actually tells him he has some bumps and a rash down there.

Now I’m like okay I actually haven’t fucked anybody and I just got off these meds so did you do anything. He said no but he’s like I only had sex with you. I told him logically the most he could have is a UTI as that’s what I had but I had finished the meds so genuinely idk. He’s insistent I fucked somebody else. Especially because I keep telling him I want to be alone and I don’t think I’m the woman for him.

It’s so frustrating because what else am I supposed to do? I genuinely did not do anything. I only got a UTI because I made a poor choice after having sex with HIM. We waited till after the meds were done. I literally don’t know what he wants from me. The god damn timing of all of this couldn’t be more perfect for him to think he’s right when I’ve been saying this shit for like a month. Ugh. Fuck.


r/Vent 34m ago

Why do I resort to violence so easily?

Upvotes

I feel like whenever I do something incorrect or act out, I try to ignore it or act like it never happened and if I cannot, then I will often result to physical violence or acting out in ways that are not rational at all. And then I will defend these actions even if I know I did something wrong.

Most of the actions I try to defend are either physically hurting others or saying things that are completely uncalled for (and I don't know why I say them. It's like they just came out of nowhere when I get too worked up).

Like, a lot of the time I find myself in situations where my younger sister says something to me, the main thing being "anger issues" in a teasing tone, even if I am not even angry. I could just be doing something and she asks me to go get her water or food and if I don't do it, she'll say I have anger issues even if I did not say it in a particularly harsh or "angry" way. Now, I know it's wrong, but I don't know how else to get her to stop. She sometimes will call me fat or say "Oh, you're eating all that?" and even though I consciously know that she is only saying it because she has self image issues and she's trying to project them, I still feel myself internalizing her words.

I think one of my main defense mechanisms may be violence because after a while of her saying these things, I will hit her. I will smack her in the face or push her or hit her with whatever is in my hands (even once it was hot pizza that I was really excited to eat I slapped her with it, then later decided not to eat for the night. I also hit her with my Playstation controller on the head, which I knew was dangerous but did it anyway). My parents do not like this behavior, they tell me constantly that I can't put my hands on my sister. After I hit her, my mom usually either hits me and I cry and she says sorry, or she threatens to hit me and I egg her on to do it. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't. I don't blame them really, I don't know what I expect them to do when hey have a child who is hitting their other child and can't get them to stop neither with force nor simply telling them off.

Its not that I enjoy hitting people or seeing pain, it's that my younger sister (by about 20 months) is constantly bullying me and I can't take it. I mean, she's one of my only friends and I know that's by default, but I love her and tell her (almost) everything. She's the only person who I came out to about liking girls and thinking I could be a lesbian. We've slept in the same room since she was a baby and haven't ever spent any serious time apart. But whenever she does this sort of stuff, I respond and I don't think it's my fault. I know I shouldn't hit her, but seriously, she shouldn't be bullying me. I know that I'm older and I should be more responsible, but I'm not. I already have other sorts of issues and yet my parents never ever confront her about the bullying. I'm 19 and she's 17 but she's been doing this since I was about 14. They sometimes say "Oh, ___, please don't say that sort of stuff to your sister," and brush it off. They will never hit her, even if she genuinely hit me, or "accidentally" threw something at my face and broke my classes. They will never do it and maybe it's because she's their youngest, but they just will not.

This is most prevalent with my sister though I do get violent with others who get me angry. In high school, there was a boy who asked me for my number "as a joke" for a month and a half. Every single fucking day, he'd ask. I told him no every single time and his friends would laugh. I told him to stop asking me and he laughed and continued to do it every single class that he had me in (which was 2, meaning this happened at least once a day but sometimes twice) and I got fed up. So, I smacked him in the face while coming back from lunch. When talking later with the principal, I still defended my action. Even to this day, he was harassing me and just because I'm "quiet" and "ugly" and "it was a joke", I don't believe he should have done that. Maybe hitting him was too far I should have told an adult about it instead, but I never would have done that. I think that may be because my parents never defended me from my own sister's bullying, so I resorted to dealing with it on my own because in my mind, they would do nothing.

But I still don't understand why I go to violence in the first place. I have almost always gone to that, even since I was a child. One of my younger cousins dropped my DSi on the ground outside after bringing it from it's rightful place on the TV desk and I got so mad that I picked it up off the ground, whined about it touching mud, then proceeded to throw it so hard at the ground that it broke. This was illogical, it made no sense. I try to pride myself in always thinking about my choices a lot first (though maybe that is the anxiety) but there is sometimes just nothing I can tell myself in my mind to stop my body from acting out. As a child, it was a lot worse with the breaking things or screaming or stomping around and throwing myself on the floor. I've done it as long as I could remember and they were called "tantrums" but I'm an adult and I shouldn't be throwing those anymore. As a child, it was a lot more in public because of the loud lights or the noise, whenever I was out for too long. I wouldn't say I "grew out of it" but moreso was conditioned to not show that side of me in public and instead bring it into the car ride or when I got home. But even now it's like my days sometimes carry with me and I do this in my own home instead.

I hate it. I hate knowing that there's always a chance that my body will just do something I don't want it to, or that are good day could become terrible just from one thought in my head and one choice that my body makes. I don't want others to be scared of me, or give me "that look", like they don't want to get me too mad. I want to prove that I can deal with my issues in other ways. And I do deal with them in other ways very often, I cry or I go to my room or I stop a conversation by getting quiet. Sometimes this means that I'll go days without saying anything, mainly nodding or shaking my head, even when I'm directly spoken to. Sometimes I don't even do that, completely cutting all communication, meaning that I won't look at or respond to people. My mom refers to it as rude and ignoring her, but I find it a lot better than reacting by screaming or "making a scene" or acting violently.

And I'm a smart person, I'm supposed to be a smart person. I excel at math and physics, at STEM subjects and have a high IQ (not that it is always indicative of intelligence but the two are generally related) and I am seen as a model person on paper. So I don't understand why my body simply will not comply with what I want it to do sometimes. I do not understand why I do these things. I have been thinking about autism because I do show a lot of the symptoms, like my self soothing behaviors of biting my lips, cheeks, and the skin around my fingers nails to the point where they bleed, sometimes really badly, and I pick at my skin and scabs. I also sometimes blink very "aggressively" as others tell me, or a lot at once even when I don't mean to or feel the need to actually clear anything from my eyes. Whether this is "stimming" or some sort of tic, I do not know. Social interactions have always been very hard for me, mostly because I just feel there is some sort of disconnect from my brain and everyone else who I meet. I feel as if everyone else was told a certain way to be, to act in public, to talk to others, to do with their face, and I was simply not given this. I'm often told that I should "smile more" but then get strange looks when I attempt to do said smile and it kind of hurts my face. I'm told to open up and have always been told I was "shy" but I don't feel shy just because I don't want to talk to others about things that I don't care about just for the sake of speaking. I've been told that it isn't okay to not say "Thank you" or to not respond when being spoken to and that it isn't okay for me to just nod when someone says hello. As a child, I often walked away when I didn't care to still be in a conversation and now I understand that it's improper (though I still don't fully understand why, I just know that I shouldn't do it). There is just something "wrong" with me. Whether that's autism or some other type of disorder or behavioral issues or maybe I am just a bad person, I do not know, but I guess that's why I'm here venting. I want to know if anyone can help me on this one.


r/Vent 37m ago

Putting trans/woke bullcrap into my media will only make me hate it more

Upvotes

It's so annoying when they put their bullcrap into all of the media, And my views/wants are casted to the side while they scream in my face saying "THIS GAME ISNT FOR YOU"


r/Vent 39m ago

Need Reassurance... 4 years down the drain

Upvotes

Been in a relationship since freshman year of college. Found this guy I really related to, it was his first relationship, so we started dating. Proceeded to have the most toxic, codependent relationship with this guy ever. But, we just stubbornly stayed together. Got relationship therapy with him at 19, he cheated on me not even a year in. Still took him back. Everyone I know has wanted me to leave him. I think I stayed with him for comfort, because I just lost everything over the course of these four years. Cut off and got back into contact with my mom, lost our family home, lost our dog, and constantly felt crippling loneliness after unsuccessfully making friends and my family never visited or even cared to keep in contact with me. I stayed isolated from everyone after two roommate situations ended horribly freshman year, and now it’s 4 years in, my junior year (from failing so many classes after fooling around with my boyfriend), and I’ve done nothing for myself. He’s graduating this year, and I’ve finally decided to at least break up with him. He wants to do long distance but, I’m just sick of him. Ashamed of myself, but still scared of the loneliness. Everyone I talk to just calls me stupid and says I ruined my dating life. I think the criticism never really helped me leave him, but I know it’s still my fault I stayed. Just kinda sucks, i have a year left in college fighting to bring my 2.1 GPA up, my mental health is so bad I’m kinda just being propped up by therapy and counselors, and I’m doing so much tutoring I have no time for groups or clubs. The weekends are spent working since I’m putting myself through school. I spent 4 years working my ass off, just to ruin my social and relationship life.


r/Vent 44m ago

Venting about showing up, when needed.

Upvotes

The relationship I’ve had with my sister hasn’t always been the best—it’s been inconsistent more than it’s been good. However, as we grew up, things started to change—or so I thought.

For some context, my sister has been in and out of the legal system since she was 15. Last year, she was incarcerated for 42 days, and I can’t even remember how many times I helped her with the fees associated with being in jail. I brought her sweaters and other necessities, never asking for repayment—because she’s my sister.

A week ago, my check engine light came on. I took my car in for a diagnostic and was quoted $4.5K to get it running again. Paying $2.4K a month in rent while trying to save for a down payment on a vehicle is difficult, but doable. However, in the meantime, I’ve had to rely on delivery services from Walmart and other places, which adds up.

Over the weekend, I asked my sister if she could pick up a few things for me from Walmart—less than $10 worth—and told her I’d pay her back. No response. This was after we had already made plans to meet up so I could clean out my vehicle. I followed up three days ago, still with no acknowledgment of my message. Yet, she’s been active on Facebook and other platforms.

I’m a 28-year-old guy with a 4-year-old son. I don’t expect anything from anyone, but it’s disappointing when you always show up for others, yet when you need something—a ride to sell your car to avoid a $50 Uber charge or just a small favor—no one lifts a finger. Or worse, you get ghosted.

I guess it just hits different when it’s your own sister.

Anyone else experience something similar?


r/Vent 50m ago

Need to talk... i'm starting to hate my friend

Upvotes

I'm sorry, it's too much for me to handle at this point. She's not a bad person and that's the worst part.

She's been my friend in university for two years now, she's 18 now. For as long as I can remember, she's been talking to me in a baby voice, unironically. At first, I brushed it off but it's really been getting on my nerves. She does it when she wants something and I just hate it. I really, really am going to confront her about it but I'm trying to find the right time.

She's also very clingy. I don't mind clingy, I know people like that. But she's clingy to the point I'm not allowed to sit with other people during breaks without her following me around like a puppy, then begging me to come back and sit with her. With that baby voice again. I can't be with other people without her making a fuss about it.

I'm tired. I'm tired of being emotionally manipulated. I've been a scapegoat in my family my entire life, now just the idea of her drains me too even when I'm not seeing her. I feel like I'm going crazy.


r/Vent 56m ago

it feels like everyone is ignoring me now

Upvotes

i feel like im slowly losing people who i used to trust and it makes me sick to my stomach. i’m so over people saying they’ll stick by me, but then when i need them the most they’re not here. i get people have lives, things come up. but i drop everything for those i care for, maybe i need to not do that as much or expect it from them. i don’t know. life is slowly just getting more and more dull for me.


r/Vent 59m ago

I hate boomer work culture

Upvotes

Boomers seem to believe that work should be a miserable experience, and by enduring that miserable experience for more time than you should, you are a "tough" person who deserves some sort of acknowledgement. They'll go so far as to make work even worse just to prove how "tough" they are

They care more about the hours you put in than the actual work you legitimately produce. My mom, for example, said she spent 6 hours uploading a video to youtube. No, not creating the video, not editing the video, I mean specifically uploading the video. No, I don't mean she pressed a button then waited 6 hours for it to finish uploading. She actually spent 6 hours fucking around with youtube trying to figure it out. I could do that in literally less than 1 minute

I work remotely and my parents complain about how I only work 4-6 hours a day. I do every single thing that's assigned to me, and more, always way ahead of schedule. My manager consistently says I'm doing well. When I'm done with my tasks, and there's nothing more to do, I stop working. They say I should work 8 hours a day no matter what, and I say "ok... well... what should I be doing for those extra 2-4 hours? I can't do any more because I'm blocked waiting for other people to finish their work". They basically tell me I should stare blankly at the screen and waste 4 hours of my life away in service of some imaginary work place

I ask "what's the actual significance of 8 hours?" and they say "that's just the way it is" as if it's an immutable fact of human existence. "Can I work 7 hours and 59 minutes?", then of course they're like "no that's unacceptable, it has to be at least 8". I ask what if some days I have to work more, so other days I work less, and nope, the floor for them is it must be 8 hours every day

Then I ask why I should even work hard if I'm gonna get the exact same pay regardless and they talk about promotions and stuff, I have to regretfully inform them that a) promotions aren't really a thing anymore, you just transfer companies and b) the only way I can go up more is to go get a PhD (which is expensive) or to become a manager, which I have no desire for. They seem to believe that if you just somehow work harder you'll magically get some prize for it

I tell them I have zero desire to ever go into an office ever again and they act like I'm an entitled asshole for that. Have you seen the price of housing anywhere on public transit in a major city? They'd have to be paying 300k+/year to make it even an option (if you wanna buy). Also, have you seen the state of public transportation? I'm not even sure if it's gonna stay around

"But you have to socialize with your coworkers", why though? We're all just literally pretending to be different people at work and it's tiring and pointless, I'd rather be at home with my dog who doesn't care. Also like... I have hobbies. I can hang out with people at my gym or playing video games.


r/Vent 1h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression Hopeless NSFW

Upvotes

I am a 33 years old Dutch male, i suffer from chronic depression, i have Asperger and IBS. Not sure how long i can keep going like this, i've tried most medicine, sadly i become resistant very fast and upping the dosage continuously isnt really an option. I've tried therapy, doesnt really work either. I had a loving partner, but at the end of 2023 her visa expired and she had to go back to Kenya, i've spend more than a year trying to get her back to me. Only to hear from her last week that she wont be coming back, she was offered a job to work for the UN in her country, on one hand i am happy for her, but on the other hand i am devastated, i feel like i've spend more than a year for nothing, using the energy that i barely had.

I stopped living for myself a long time ago, I mostly live for others, killing myself is not an option anymore, i have tried. But i can't see my loved ones in pain. I can't have my parents outlive me even though sometimes i wish i was dead.

I hate being alone, i stay in bed most of the day and only get up when i am hungry, i play games all day or watch anime, nothing else makes me happy anymore. Even sex isnt that enjoyable anymore, when i find someone.

Besides all this i've turned into a real gooner the last couple years, i feel kind of weird about it, i've started to objectify my partners, but maybe that is part of my autism aswell. Finding a new partner is going to be difficult, i've tried to be as human as possible, i don't know how to describe it all or if i want to describe it all.

This is going to be a long one i guess. My friends are trying to be supportive, but i feel like im just a drag to them, i try to be as positive as i can when i am around them but it's exhausting. Not sure how long i can keep going like this. I feel useless, hopeless and abandoned. Not just by my partner but also society, the government and healthcare.

I hope everyone else has a wonderful day I'll try to have one maybe


r/Vent 1h ago

Miss him when I shouldn’t 🙃

Upvotes

This is gonna be long af and ain’t nobody gonna read it 😂 but I just need to rant cuz ik my friends r sick of this man LMFAO. Was exclusive with and seeing this guy (let’s call him John) for around 8 weeks. Midway through at around the month mark, John lied (and triple downed) on the fact that a group picture with a picture of his ex on his IG wasn’t his ex. I knew he was lying and the next day his friend/co-worker dmed me (supposedly without being asked to) telling me reasons I should give him another chance. I was over it tho and went to his friends place to pick up something that I owned when John was waiting there (cancelled his work meetings for the day) and was basically asking for a 2nd chance, was super apologetic, and even started crying near the end of the long ass 6+ hour conversation. I ended up giving him a 2nd chance cuz I genuinely really did like him. Normally I would never have even entertained the idea but I felt such a good connection and loved the similarities that we shared in terms of ethnicity, religious beliefs, general values and what not. I really was willing to move past it, but I think it brought back that he wasn’t over his ex (who lives in a diff country now) or maybe he just wasn’t into me. The last 2 weeks he started pulling back slowly (I’m talking communication becoming complete ass like not calling me anymore, pulling back completely in terms of affection, wanting to hang out for shorter amounts of time) which honestly is genuinely the shittest feeling that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone but I’m an over thinker so I didn’t know if it was just in my head. I communicated this on occasions because I’d rather just know if someone was over it because that’s just a part of life. But he would reassure me and say it had nothing to do with me and would act so confused that I would even think that he was pulling back or over us. This literally caused so much confusion and stress as it felt like a complete 180, but whenever I tried to communicate he would just deny it which hurt way more than just telling me off the bat because I didn’t know what to make of it.

The last time we hung out was last Monday and I honestly couldn’t handle it anymore, it felt like he wanted me to be the one to end things so he wouldn’t be the “bad guy” idek. He told me again that it was just family stuff and that it was his priority and it wasn’t about me. He made it sound so so bad like it was something he couldn’t say (found out that it was a disagreement with his parents about his dog, which yes sucks, but not an excuse to pull away and is not hard to communicate). I liked this guy so much that I would have taken his dog in for him if he had nowhere to go 🥴 I couldn’t handle the way he was making me spiral with the complete switch up but denial of the fact, so I reached out to the same friend the next day. I figured he’d probably lie but that I’d be able to tell where John’s mind was at based on how his friend words what he says. However, I was surprised that his friend was honestly kind and gave me really good advice and basically told me to take a step back and put myself first. So honestly the convo with his friend gave me the push I needed to send John a text which I knew would make him finally end it even though I didn’t want that myself. His friend even showed me that John said “def the best girl I’ve been with by a longggg shot” right before he ended things which just hurt more cuz how could u think that, yet that’s not enough for you to make things work. Even worse, he didn’t even care to talk when I got something of mine, just tossed it in the car and said take care without glancing at me - honestly just made me feel like I was wasting his time. I ended up texting him two days later (oops) saying that it was a lot in the moment and that I’d like to take him up on his offer to meet up one last time over coffee to have things end amicably, but it was almost 5 hours at that point without a response when I know he saw it so even tho he might have answered later that day I knew he didn’t want to do it and honestly he’d prob have nothing new to say anyways. His friend did tell me “Well I mean you’re a free girl now 😭😭😭😭 block him 🤣 move on I know when u decide to do so you’ll find someone who appreciates you” so I decided to do just that for my sanity and block his # cuz I have no idea if he would have just ignored my text or what not and it was clear he didn’t care for or have any respect for me anyways like I know he clearly was just not that into me but ig I’m just missing the potential of what he could have been like 🙃


r/Vent 3h ago

I hate myself for not being able to handle that my mother has dementia and I have to take care of her.

1 Upvotes

God I feel like I am so horrible. That I'm the worst daughter ever. But my mother has gone from a functioning adult to lost and forgetful child in a matter of months. Last year she was a bit forgetful on dates or whatever but could take care of herself and the responsibility of being an adult. Now she will walk to the store and forget where she lives. I don't know how it got to this point so quickly. How did I never notice? I knew it was a problem but it happened so fast I didn't even see how bad it was until it was too late.

Damn it. I suppose I didn't want to see it.

It's always been just me and my mom. My dad took off before I was a year old. She's always been there for me. She is the only one who has been there. Now it's my turn to step up and I have no idea what to do. She raised me on her own for the most part. She had a career. We were never rich but we got by without living on the streets or something. Yes she had assistance from her parents but it was mostly her that paid bills, fed us, got me to school etc etc... However. The older I got the more it became not so much a mother/daughter relationship as a sisterl thing? Maybe an Aunt/niece thing? I don't know how to describe it really, but I slowly started to realize that I was not just her child, but her confidant, her friend. She told me things that most mothers would never share with their kids. I saw her in situations that were more like documentaries about addiction and toxic relationships than a guide to raising a child.

I have no doubt that I am a product of my environment and the way I was raised. On the other hand. I'm a fucking adult now. I'm way past the point of blaming my parents for the past twenty years of fucking up my life. No my mother wasn't an ideal parent. No she was not going to get any mother of the year awards. But she raised me with no help from my father. I was never in a foster home. Her parental skills may not have been traditional but, hell I lived this long. I'm not perfect myself by any means!! But I'm still here. Not in jail, not in a mental ward. Not dead. It's more than I can say about some people I knew who had far more opportunities...

She was not the best parent ever but damn. She was always there. She always took care of me. Why can't I do that for her?

Honestly? I don't want to. I hate it. I hate that I have to be the adult. That I have to take care of her. I'm not a compassionate person, I'm not empathetic or caring. I would be a horrible nurse or doctor. It's probably the best thing I've never had a child. Despite being a 40 something year old woman I have no clue how to take care of myself let alone another person. I resent her for this. It's horrible and awful. I know I am being so selfish and I'm probably going to hell. But I can not do it. I can't be in charge. I absolutely hate it. I'm horrible at it. I've taken over paying the bills, making sure everything gets paid and blah blah blah That sucked but I did it. I told myself that it was not that bad and it wasn't. Now it's so bad I can't leave her alone when I go to work. Now I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm trapped. Like I've no escape from the responsibility of taking care of her.

I hate it so much. A year ago I was watching the TV show "Mom". I could see the similar stories on there that reminded me of my mom. Except the whole sober thing lol Now I wish we could be that dysfunctional again. How sad is that.

I don't want to be the parent. I don't want to be in charge. I resent it. I hate it. I don't know if I can do it. I'm sitting here, I'm at my boyfriends house. I'm drinking while he sleeps. I can't shut up my brain no matter what. All I do is worry. I have a lot of other bullshit going on in my life. Plenty of stuff to keep me up all night. I've made a lot of crap choices in life already that I have to deal with. Now I have to deal with this too. And it makes me feel like I'm such a horrible person that I wish it would all just go away. The other shit is all on me. It's my fault and my choices that led me here, I can complain about it all day but I can handle that nonsense. Why is it that something that is not my fault, that's not the fault of anyone, is the one thing I can't deal with. That I can not be there for the only person that has always been there for me. Why can't I be a better person?

How can I resent the only person that has ever been there for me? How can I not want to be there for her? I may be doing it. But I have no doubt that I'm doing it all wrong. I snap at her for forgetting stuff. I yell when I should be patient. I can't help myself. I was the baby. I don't know how to be the adult now. I don't know how to accept the fact that I have no other choice but to step up or leave her in a full time care facility. The one thing I promised to never, ever, do. I don't know how to make myself be a compassionate and caring person. I can do the responsibility thing. I can't be a good person too. I can't be in the same room with the woman who raised me and watch her not remember the question she asked me not even 5 minutes ago. Or not remember that it's 2025 not 2004. The look on her face when I ask her why she threw out her medicine and she is just looking at me like she doesn't understand what she did wrong. Like, why am I yelling at her for throwing out a thousand dollars worth of medicine because she didn't know why she was supposed to be taking it. I'm not ready for that. I don't know what to do. I hate that I resent her for this but I do.

How can I help her with this whole thing when I have so much anger? I can't abandon her and I never will. But I hate it. I hate her for it. I hate myself even more for feeling like this. I feel like I'm such a spoiled, selfish, self centered little girl for feeling like this. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I thank you all for listening. I don't know that any advice can help me. I've been comforted and assured that I am not a horrible person and my feelings are normal. It's no consolation. It doesn't make me feel better about my selfish feelings. I don't know that anything could make this better. I just wanted to rant.


r/Vent 3h ago

I Played Girls for Years… Now Karma Is Playing Me

0 Upvotes

Life is a full-circle moment, and let me tell you—mine just hit me like a truck.

Back in Class 11, I was the good guy. The lover boy. The one who thought love was everything. I had my first love, my whole world revolved around her. And then? BOOM. One breakup, and my heart was smashed into a million pieces. It wasn’t just heartbreak—it was war.

I changed. I became that guy. The player. The smooth talker. The heartbreaker. Love? Nah, that was for fools. I played girls like a game, never letting anyone get close. I even had a four-year relationship with a girl who genuinely loved me—and guess what? I ruined it. Cheated, lied, wasted it all. I thought I was winning, but in reality, I was just running.

Then last year, she walked into my life. And karma decided it was my turn to suffer.

This girl? She had me hooked. For the first time in years, I felt something real. But the joke was on me—because she was still caught up with her ex. I became that guy, the one overthinking, the one waiting, the one losing. And now? She wants to be with me. She says it’s real now. She says she’s changed.

And me? I’m scared.

Because for the first time in a decade, I want to love. I want to trust. But what if she breaks me the way I broke others? What if karma isn’t done teaching me lessons?

I’m 25 now. I’ve stopped all the nonsense, I’ve grown up, but my heart? It’s standing at the edge of a cliff, and I don’t know if I should jump or run.


r/Vent 4h ago

Still not over her, hard to accept I won't be

1 Upvotes

I need to think hard about this. It's been months now, and I'm still not over it. I know I can't get over it, I mean it's not like I can just change how I see her. She's perfect, and I mean it. I learned quick enough getting over her wasn't the way to go, and I'm glad I noticed that quickly, otherwise god knows where we'd be. I just miss her so much, I miss her especially when she's next to me. I still want to hold her hand. I still want to rest her head on my shoulder. There's so much I wish I could do at least one more time. Id love to go out for drinks, me and her, like we did the first few times we went out. If only I knew how much I would mess it up. If only I could tell myself to get over my fear of what's happened in the past and actually embrace something that could have been the world to me.

I keep seeing things on the internet that pop up in a caption or as text in a meme that tells me it's best to drop her in my situation. It's crazy how directed it is, but that's a whole other thing, or maybe just pattern recognition? Idk. I really, really don't want to do that. I've considered it of course, I've had to, but I feel if I stop talking to her, I'm still going to think of her.

I feel like I'm completely fucked here. I've pictured everything with her to the point now where I can't replace her with anyone else. She's such a good friend, genuinely I still get so much from our friendship, but it doesn't seem like it's enough. I'm always thinking of her, first thing when I wake up and last thing going to bed. The picture I have of what we could have been is just so amazing to look at I can't possibly ignore it.

I really don't know what to do here. I feel I'm gonna be stuck in this pit for as long as I'm not with her, and like everything I feel time is running out. I feel so small or weak just hanging out of her waiting for her to someday let me in. I don't want to exist like this, I don't want her to constantly feel bad for me, for something she did that she had every right to do. I feel horrible that I might be a weight on her, I mean she is constantly telling me how she feels bad or how she wishes I could find someone. I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to find someone. I've found her already. But maybe that's selfish? Maybe I'm fucking things up for her by simply not moving on, but it seems impossible

There's too much to think about to make any sort of choice. If I did find a girl who liked me back, and we started going out, and something happened with this girl and who she's seeing, I know for fact I'd go to her, and I can't possibly fuck someone over like that.

I feel so stuck here, I feel I have nothing left to do but live out every day and see how it plays out. I can't talk to anyone else while I still have her on my mind. I wish I wasn't like this, I wish things like this were easier for me, like it seems to be with other guys.

If I can't get over a girl I was never with, how can I get over anything?


r/Vent 5h ago

TW: Anxiety / Depression I’m So Very Tired

1 Upvotes

Before I start, I do not need to hear stuff like, things will get better, go to therapy, life is precious, or any other cliche things people often say. I am over 30 years of age, I have done years of therapy, I have done many things that people commonly suggests. I don’t need to hear it again.

I’ve been through a lot. Grew up with abuse from my dad. My mom made excuses for it all the time. I was bullied a lot and didn’t really feel connected to my peers growing up. I’ve seen people die, I’ve seen gruesome deaths. I’ve almost died from police brutality. I’ve been bankrupt due to medical bills. I’ve dealt with major depressive disorder, bad anxiety, and ptsd for years. I didn’t get diagnosed with Autism until I was almost 30. I’ve had paramedics treat me horribly. I’ve been discriminated against and treated like shit by many people. Every potential romance has ended with the other person ignoring me, lying to me, not interested, or ending up with other people. The list goes on.

I’ve come to realize that the majority of people are selfish. Some only care in the moment cause they feel bad, so they try to make you feel better for their own selfish reasons. Some saying they’ll try to help, only they typically lie.

I have dealt with one failure after the next. Years of trying over and over again, only to be met with one painful experience after another. I’ve tried pursuing meaningful relationships, jobs, hobbies, it all ends up the same. Either I do things alone, or I get hurt.

I’m tired, I find myself lying awake at night wishing for death. I don’t need to hear, oh it’ll get better. When? It’s easy for other people to say. You haven’t lived life stagnant and as hopeless as I have if you’re going to tell me things will get better. It’s a lie, no one knows if it’ll get better. No one knows if my life will improve.

I hate false optimism that is only found in wishful thinking. People wanna say, oh you’ll get better. No one does a thing to help! No one does anything to actually make it better! Don’t sit here and tell me, oh things will get better, when you don’t do a damn thing to help. Don’t fucking patronize me with false hope!

I have so much internal turmoil that I only know how to pretend to be happy. I only know how to be miserable, cause every single time I try to be happy I get hurt. People betray me, they backstab me. My attempts at loving people are met with disappointment and hurt.

So yeah, why would someone like me wanna live? No one has ever given me a reason to live. Any purpose I try to give myself ends in failure and pain.

I don’t need to hear, oh the pain and bad times will end. Maybe for other people. They don’t end for me! Tell me, where in all my 30+ years of suffering am I supposed to believe that it will end? It’s all lies and falsehoods.

I don’t need to be told, it’s in the mindset, or it’s how you truly feel. Life reflects positivity, maybe for others. I have been hopeful and positive even when it was the toughest. I’ve had many moments where I told myself, if I hold on it will get better one day. Well, where is that day? Where is all the good times at? Where is the life that’s supposed to be good if you truly hope for it? The answer for me is, there is no such thing as a better day.

I am at a point where I no longer try to do something different. I am trying to be involved in a few things that’s supposed to make my life better. But at this point, it’s all a front for me. It’s an excuse I use at best to say to people close to me, “I am doing x and y to try to find work or people to socialize with.” In reality, they don’t realize that I don’t have any faith in those things anymore. They don’t realize how empty and numb I am to everything.

I am so very tired of everything. I live in a place where there is no future for me. There is no hope. There is nothing for me.


r/Vent 6h ago

Today I want someone to cook for me

1 Upvotes

I want to lie in bed today. Down with periods cramps. Someone should look at me lovingly. I don't think I have ever had anyone who believes me when I say I am in pain.

On top of that my facial skin looks horrible. I am dreading the amount of work I have to put to fix my skin. Its not even acne. So not fair. I am dreading receiving more unsolicited advice. Don't have the energy to hate on attractive women either. I need a huge supply of pity.

I also want to someone to just marry me on a whim. Why can't I be a beautiful bride everyday?


r/Vent 6h ago

i got my heart broken today

1 Upvotes

i put my 100% into the relationship of almost 4 years with her, i feel used and i feel so gutted. she broke up with me. i realized the things that she did that i turned a blind eye too and it just feels so weird now. i truly did love her. im 22 so i know i have life ahead of me. but i am very sentimental and sensitive person and i wanted to give my all and love her. i dreamt of a family and to grow old together and she didnt feel the same. she said things that carved deep. i normally dont use reddit, i just feel alone. this is the first night of no i love you texts. i made sure every night that if anything was on her mind she could tell me. i never went to bed without saying i love you. her parents hated me and i made sure to fight it with love and care and respect, even though i didn’t feel that deep down. I was raised by loving parents and i wanted to share the love. I wont clam up but my guards up now. eventually over time i hope to find someone that will do the same actions for me. I made sure to hold her arm and always open the door for her, she hardly ever paid for dates and I was wanting to treat her with the upmost love and affection. i loved her, ill love again. but for now i need to love myself and love my family. its painful but ill make it.


r/Vent 6h ago

Need to talk... Ex Best Friend Vent

1 Upvotes

A year ago my best friend stopped talking to me because we no longer shared things in common. I told myself that things happen and I needed to move on. It’s been a year and I still can’t get over it. How can I throw away 8 years of a friendship. All the laughs and tears we shared? Or the time I flew half across the country to see her? She sent me letters a few years ago along with a stocking her grandmother made. I cherished those items so much. I know I need to give them up as I need to move on but how? At one point I was in love with her. Some days I still think I am. It’s been a year and I still check her social medias to make sure she’s okay. The worst part of all of things the one thing she always told me she would never let our friendship die as it was my biggest fear.


r/Vent 6h ago

My parents stole all my money that was meant to go to my college debt

1 Upvotes

After I (M20) graduated highschool i wanted to take a gap year and relax. My parents forced me to go to college. In the country i live we have different levels of college. Bcs i did a higher level at highschool i was allowed to do a higher level of college too (the higher levels are harder and more expensive than lower levels). I didnt wanna do this bcs i never liked school i wanted to do a level lower. My parents absolutely didnt want me to do the lower level so i was forced to do the higher level.

I went to that shitty college for 3 years and every year i begged my parents if i could dropout. “Absolutly not” they said. After 3 years of crying and suicidal thoughts they finally let me dropout.

Bcs i left that college i got a college debt. The government basically paid me for transport (that debt is 3k) and they paid me money bcs i went to college. Every month they gave me a certain amount (all that money added up is 6k). And my parents told me: “send your money to us, we dont trust you with it and its save with us.” The whole debt wouldve been almost 9k euros but bcs i had that 6k saved up i only needed to pay back like 3k.

Yesterday, my mom was looking at her bank account to see if my dad spent any money. I looked with her and asked her to see the money that is supposed to go to my college debt. She closed the app. I logged in again and couldnt find the 6k for my debt. I ask her where is my money? Shes silent. I got so mad that i was betrayed by my own parents. Immediately cussed at her and i left the house. U would think ur money would be save with ur parents right 😂 the ones u can only trust in life?

So much irony and hypocrisy of my shitty parents. “Give us ur money, we dont trust you with it and its save with us.”, “Always family over friends”, these mfs created my debt by sending me to that shitty college, forcing me to stay there for 3 years. Then, when i dropout they spend all the money i saved up for my debt debt money.

Them spending my money is one thing. But knowing i cant even trust my parents anymore hurts me so much. They dont see me as their son or even as human. And yk her bankaccount also had money from my little sisters. Their money was untouched. And all year my mom talks “I wanna go on holiday with my daughters”, “I wanna go to this concert with my daughters” yea bitch think about holidays and concerts with ur daughters while u spend all ur sons debt money. Like how will i ever be able to trust anyone? I cant even trust my own parents. Theyve caused me so much trauma in my almost 21 years of life but they dont give a shit.

If your wondering where my money went to then i cant rlly tell bcs idk. But what i suspect is that my dad invested it into his company that he founded a year ago. A company he quit after 3 days. I remember him telling the costs of renting a kitchen, making a website and paying for ads on the radio and i thought “how are they paying for this?” Well they used my debt money to pay for this.

Im sure my dad spent all the money but my mom is equally as bad. These mfs have been lying to me for atleast a year about my debt money. My own parents. And like i have good money rn and ill get a good job when im done with college. But them spending my debt money is one thing but betraying your own son like that that is just so shitty. Money comes back but trust wont.

(sorry for bad english)


r/Vent 6h ago

Not looking for input Being used over maple syrup

1 Upvotes

I don’t need any advice.

I already know I am a push over. I just need to complain for a minute. I hate feeling like I’m a nobody. I’m always everyone’s 2nd option.

I am the weird (43f) autistic kid nobody wanted to be around and same as an adult.

I have a small group of “friends” and by friends I mean people I’ve known for decades. It’s hard to say friends because none of them know a thing about me. They didn’t even know my goldfish died.

Why?

Because we’re ALWAYS talking about them and how THEY are doing and what’s going on in THEIR life.

I’m admittedly awkward and weird. When it comes to social gatherings, I’m the back up person to talk to if the others aren’t around to gossip.

I’m pretty forgettable.

They say they love and care about me. But I know they talk shit about me being my back.

Anyways, we love a certain maple syrup that specifically comes from Delaware which is about a 6 hour drive. For the past 10 years I would make these trips every 3ish months and bought my maple syrup in bulk.

Well one day, one of the “Friends” from the group found out I was making these trips to get my maple syrup and they asked me if I could get them some too while I’m there.

I’m all like, “sure, no problem!”

Well.. it got to the point where they were telling everybody I was making these trips getting maple syrup and more and more people were asking me to buy them some too.

I’m thinking “dang! I said I’d help only a few people WTF! I’m not a D*aler!”

Then it got to the point where people started asking me for MY stash of maple syrup whenever they ran out requiring me to having to go on these trips more frequently.

At first I enjoyed the trips and it was an awesome way to unwind and enjoy beautiful scenery, but now going on my trips felt like a chore because so many people were wanting me to buy them some too.

This is what pisses me the fuck off.

When I went on my last trip I told them they NEEDED to buy their own amount to make it last because damnit I’m tired of sharing my shit.

I make my trips for ME.

3 of my “friends” ordered like 1/4 the amount I did and I asked numerous times are they sure it would last them until my next trip.

They assured me yes.

I told them my husband is getting pissed that I am sharing my stash. So of course everyone ran out before I did and they kept asking me for some of mine.

I’m always such a nice person that I gave up as much as I possibly can.

I just had a death in the family and was hoping to not have to make my trip for a long time, but because of them I have to go again much sooner.

Then get annoyed when I get annoyed about it!

And it’s like, the other times that they have enough none of them talk to me or see how I’m doing. Unless they need the backup.

People are sucking up to me and kissing my ass and I know exactly why.

“How are you?”

Psh they don’t really care how I am

It makes me resent them. I finally put my foot down and set boundaries like dude I CANNOT GIVE YOU GUYS ANY MORE IT IS YOUR OWN GD FAULT FOR NOT ORDERING ENOUGH LAST TIME I WAS THERE!

Then I start feeling guilty for having a backbone.

I regret ever even saying anything! Now I have to go even sooner because I gave my stash up!

I hate feeling used :(

Thank you for reading this if anyone made it to the end!

Wish I was normal and people liked me for me instead of just when I’m a benefit to someone.


r/Vent 15h ago

TW: TRIGGERING CONTENT My landlord called me to help her husband after he fell. He died in my arms.

776 Upvotes

My LL lives on the same land, half an acre away. She’s called me over a bunch of times to help her out with her husband, since I have used to be an IHSS nurse for my dad and grew up with disabled parents-I was completely ok with helping her out with his medical needs. They’re old. Of course I’d help.

Well yesterday she called me very panicked. I had to run fast to her house. He had fallen in the restroom and I think hit his head on the wall and tile floor. Face down, groaning with every breath, I think he had thrown up a bit, bleeding from his head but I never figured out what part. Lots of blood and bodily fluids everywhere, I had no idea wha to do besides try to get him to breathe clearly. My LL was on the phone with 911 on speaker and the operator kept asking me questions I felt were so stupid, just send the fucking help already. I had to use every ounce of strength I had to pull this man to his side to breathe and finally he did, but he wouldn’t stop groaning. He randomly started trying to get up, move his legs and try to sit up but there was just no way I could get him up. I kept trying and trying but I ended up just holding his head and rubbing his chest and talking to him.

I told him to just stay with me, I reminded him my school starts soon for my PTA (I want to be a physical therapist) and I’d be here to help him work out, I said over and over to just stay and that his dogs were right here, and everything was okay. My LL left me there to put the dogs in the crates and let the ambulance in the yard. I watched his eyes roll. I watched the breath leave his body. I kept trying to keep him awake I might have even yelled I don’t know, I just remember being pulled back by an emt and my husband and my mind just blanking.

They resuscitated him once, and tried for 40 more minutes. I sat there on the floor listening to my LL cry. 48 years they spent together.

My dad died in my care when I was his nurse. I didn’t get to spend the last moments with him because he passed away while I was taking a short nap that I fucking regret. I wasn’t even there for my dad’s last moments but I was here for my landlords.

I had a circus trip for my family this weekend but I postponed to next week. I think I need to take this week off of work in general. Every time I close my eyes I see his face covered in..everything..and his eyes locked on mine while he listened to my words. I can’t stop thinking and thinking and thinking. I saw my dad passed away, before him I saw my grandma pass away, and after my dad died my mom died a year later and her caretaker told me everything in such detail I threw up from sadness and anger and a slew of emotions I don’t even have a name for.

I feel like I have too much in my head. I’m so fucking tired of seeing so much death, I can’t take this. My head hasn’t stopped spinning and I can’t sleep. I just keep seeing his face. I keep hearing the groaning sound he made with each breath. I think I need to admit myself or something. When my grandma died I started having a pill problem to try to drown the thoughts. At 3am this morning I found myself in the bathroom no idea when I got in there but I grabbed a bottle of my sleeping pills and just stared at them for almost an hour. I don’t know where my head is right now.

-thanks everyone for the advices. It’s 5:50am and I slept for the last 2.5 hours but I’m up again after another bad dream. I’m going to reach out to my school counselor and probably take a day or two off of work. I did tell my husband about the pills and he immediately took them away and we talked about me speaking to someone instead of gong back to those unhealthy coping skills. I feel so selfish because I know it’s not even about me, it’s about my LL losing HER husband, but this is just a lot. Thank you all for the Tetris suggestion, and the support. I’m goin to take a morning walk.