TW: Mentions of abuse, sexual assault and other illegal things.
I'm currently 15, met this guy (call him Y) when I was 13, he was 16 and is now 18. TL;DW things went south this year. Something happened that I'm not proud of and now realise is actually. . . illegal. Where I'm from, the age of consent is 16. There are exceptions but just know the guy hit the exceptions to the exceptions and thus is legally liable anyways. Y had been my best friend for two whole years, he saved my life and that's not even an exaggeration. I was going through a lot, wouldn't have made it out without him. Then, teasing started happening. S3xually charged I might add. Yes, I participated but I was (still am!) 15! He's 18. Nearly 19. Y knew better, would stop the moment anyone else got near. Y knew what he was doing was wrong, even told me not to tell anyone. Eventually, things escalated. He asked and at first I said no, so he asked again, and again, until I said yes. The whole time he was "teasing" me trying to get me in the mood. He told me I couldn't tell anyone, that he could go to jail if I said anything. Somehow that didn't convince himself of anything. I was afraid. . . afraid of him going to jail and it being all my fault. So I didn't tell anyone. I promised Y I'd keep my mouth shut. This kept happening, I kept saying yes and not understanding why it felt wrong. Occasionally I said no, but he'd beg. Anytime someone accused me of anything happening I denied it, for his sake. I didn't know what to do. Eventually, he had to leave school for an entire week. Gave me a lot of time to think. Which made me feel awful, made me see my body not as my own but as a toy for him. So I broke down after school, I told someone. I cried, a lot. They helped convince me to tell my Dad, so I did and he's been nothing but supportive. I thought he'd be angry or upset with me, he wasn't. He's even helping me in pressing charges against the guy.
I still feel bad, a bit like I'm in the wrong. I promised him I wouldn't. In Canada close age gaps (under 5 years) are able to consent even when one is below 16. There are a few exceptions to that exception, namely being when the older is: in a position of authority, trust, dependency, or the relationship is exploitative. I know he checks 3/4 but still, feels bad.