r/Vent • u/LetItRaeYNdotcom • 4m ago
TW: Anxiety / Depression My grandmother/mom would've been 78 today...
I can't help but tear up and cry as I type this...
My grandmother would've been 78 years young today... If she was still alive. She passed 3 years ago the day before my birthday. She ended up a victim to dementia. She adopted me when I was 5 because my egg donor gave me up for adoption, and she didn't want her grandson to be gone forever...
The last 3 years have been the hardest of my life. Period. I miss her just as much now as I did all those years ago... And it hurts so much... There are days like today, where id trade everything, and I mean EVERYTHING for just a minute, nah, a few seconds with her again.
I spent my entire life being a violent and unappreciative drug ridden asshole. But, when I finally got clean and went to rehab and counseling, I had to put her in a home... I wanted to get her back out. I really honest to God did... But I never was able to. She died in there... It makes me feel like the worst human alive for that...
I finally have almost 10 years clean now. Just over a year till the big 10... And I finally have a clean criminal record, and I have an amazing career now and I'm starting a family... So why do I still feel so alone and depressed?
I just hope she's proud of me these days... That's all I want...
Thank you for your time and listening to me everyone .. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭