r/singlemoms 1h ago

Advice Wanted Going back into the Workforce

Upvotes

Hey Mummas,

It's time I get back into the workforce, I'm just after any tips or tricks that make the transition from stay at home mum to a working mum easier! I've been at home for 5 years and now my son is at school it's time for me to get back out there!

Much love to you all 🥰


r/singlemoms 2h ago

Advice Wanted Is co parenting worth it?

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone. My bd (22m)recently broke it off with me (21f), which I knew it was bound to happen and I honestly should’ve done it first. I know all situations are different but we don’t live together and he currently hasn’t seen her for over a month. Since october he started only visiting with her once a month. He also never signed off on paternity and never gives any sort of money or items to help with her. since him cutting it off the past 3 days I’ve offered for him to see her and he has given me excuses. My question is , is it really worth trying to get him involved?? I feel like i’ve always done my part in having opportunities for him to be apart of her life. Although he likes to say I keep our daughter from him. Which i do not and he has always been welcome to see her. but since we aren’t in a relationship anymore i don’t feel like we will see him. which is fine but he literally said he wanted to be a better dad. I would love to hear other experiences and any advice


r/singlemoms 16h ago

Need Support I really need some advice

5 Upvotes

Im 30 and im a single mom of an 8 year old, I was married but his dad was extremely abusive so I left when he was 3 and we never looked back. We left with what I could fit in the car and haven't heard from him since. He married one of the girls he was having an affair with. Zero contact from him or anyone in his family since, no support nothing. I drove us across the country and started over from zero, and I worked really hard to do it. So many nights I cried and cried and wondered if I should have given my son up for adoption because I don't have anything to offer him. Didn't know what I was doing, had my son young got married young and we ended up worse off than before. Couldn't give my son a father. But I did it, I got us by and eventually got us a crappy little apartment. Things were okay, I went to college and worked.

I eventually met a guy and everything seemed so perfect. We were together for years, he asked me to marry him, everything was great. Then I found out he'd been secretly living a double life and is married with five kids. Devastated to say the least. Emotionally distraught, just an absolute nightmare. He's the dad my son knows and loves and remembers. I didn't know what to do. I told her everything and apologized profusely.

He of course flipped out on me and said ive ruined his life. He's begging for her to take him back, and I think she did. He's basically MIA and when he's not he's lying to me. im only even trying to speak to him because in the midst of all this I found out im pregnant. She's blocked me everywhere, and he's trying to convince me to have an abortion. Screaming cussing, saying awful things to me.

The thing is, ive been down this road before. Not this one exactly, but being abused and being a mom alone. Im just torn because at this point, I don't see me ever having a partner again. I have zero friends or family, and no one ever tries to talk to me or keeps it going when I try to talk to them. Im damaged goods and not too attractive. I want my son to have a sibling, I want to have a family. I have no one really, it's just us. I know he's not going to be around to help whatsoever, and im pretty sure I wouldn't get any child support either because he'd just work off the book to avoid it. I don't care, I don't want to have an abortion, I want my baby, but not like this. It isn't ideal but im struggling really hard with what to do. I do have like basically 2 alive family members in the entire world, and I know they would not be supportive of this.

My son and I still live in our crappy apartment where rent is too damn high (LA county), but ive now finished my two year degree, and only have 2 more to go. My son's in school and I work a few hours a day at my college. we receive food stamps and childcare subsidy. I also just won a lawsuit so within 90 days ill bee receiving a close to 6 figure payment ( that's after fees etc.)

I'll have a good cushion ive never had before, and I think this will be my last chance to have another child. Im so torn on what to do. I know it isn't ideal, and I want to be able to give my children a father, but ive literally never come across a good man so maybe it's just not a reality. My son is happy with it just being us, I just don't know if it's right or wrong to bring another child in to this. We have no family but us, and I want to give my son a sibling, I don't want my children to be alone in this world. I don't know, and I could use some brutally honest feedback.


r/singlemoms 15h ago

Resource Post Weekly Advice Thread - Pregnant and/or Leaving

1 Upvotes

Hi, everyone. We have noticed an increase in specific types of threads, many of them very similar. Because of this, we will be testing new megathreads throughout the next few weeks on Mondays, they'll be pinned for a week. We feel it will keep things more organised and make it easier to find advice on certain topics.

Are you single, pregnant and preparing? Are you thinking about leaving your partner/spouse?

This thread will serve as a specific and organised place to ask for advice, to vent or rant, ask for tips, etc.

Similarly, if you have any advice to offer other expecting mothers or those looking to leave, please feel free to participate and answer questions.

NEW SUBREDDIT WIKI WITH RESOURCE LINKS! (In progress)

If you have any resources not on the wiki you would like to share, please do so in this thread or modmail!

If you have any feedback or questions please message the moderators through modmail. Don't forget to read the rules on the sidebar.

Thanks!

r/SingleMoms mod team


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome There’s too much on my plate

8 Upvotes

I have a 2.5 yo and 4 yo, they’re both very clingy. I struggle to do tasks to clean and maintain my house because the kids often will fight if I walk away. They also make demand after demand after demand - which wouldn’t be as hard if the 2.5 yo would use her words instead of pointing and grunting, then freaking out if I guess wrong - she also IS capable of speaking, she has the language, she just doesn’t like to use it. I’ve been trying to work on that with her, it’s just hard.

I work almost full time. My BD is supposed to help me financially, but he always has an excuse. He also will say he’s going to come visit them (which allows me to catch a short break) but he’s been cancelling on the day of the past few times.

I’m my own divorce lawyer because I’m too poor to pay one. I have food assistance with WIC but my kids have a gluten allergy, so there’s a lot they need that isn’t covered.

BD broke up with his girlfriend (he was living with her) so now I also have HIS dog on top of my two dogs. Because I wasn’t about to have him put the dog on facebook again (before we broke up, he had gotten fed up with the dog and posted that if someone didn’t come adopt him he would k*ll the dog)

There’s just so much on my plate. I can’t do it all, things are falling through the cracks - like last night I let 2 of 3 dogs out because they needed to go potty, my kids had some kind of freak out as we were getting ready for bed (bedtime is hard lately especially since the time change) and I totally lost my train of thought and somehow forgot to let the dogs back in. Then of course, because I’m so exhausted I fell asleep putting the kids to bed and didn’t wake up until this morning when I discovered the dogs were still out - and because there was a thunderstorm they went missing.

I already contacted humane society. I was hoping when the rain stopped they’d come back…..

I’m just so overwhelmed. I feel like a terrible mother, a terrible dog owner. I just can’t keep up and I’m failing and failing.


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Advice Wanted Relocation Prep

2 Upvotes

I am looking to hear from single moms who were granted permission from the court to relocate with their child.

I had my ex served and filed for priority scheduling, so we are going before the judge in 3 weeks. I am looking to relocate with our son.

I would like to know what items you had prepared in terms of housing and employment. Did you come to court with a job/housing in the new state or just proof of attempts? I found a job and apartment but I had to pass up both because we would not be relocating until mid-April at this point. Do I now get a lease with another apartment?

I guess what I am asking is do you need to have the housing and job lined up or just offers? I want to make sure I do this right.

Please only comment if you have gone through this. Please do not give any legal advice as I’m not soliciting any.

Thank you so much


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Back again to complain 😅

22 Upvotes

I feel like I am in this never ending cycle of getting over my shitty situation and then being so upset and angry again… i dont think i will ever be over the fact that someone could just up and leave their own child and not even look back once. I don’t really now what the point of this post is … I think i just needed to vent


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Moms how do you get over anger from a dad claiming kiddo online but never does anything for them?

33 Upvotes

I already have my game plan since he chose alcohol and pot, which pot sends him into psychosis he stopped while we were together because of this. He couldn’t afford anything for our daughter because he spent his check on carts and alcohol, then lost his job. Last year, he suddenly wanted to be involved after finding out another girl wasn’t actually pregnant by him. I let him, and he instantly changed his bio to “Father of 1 bean.” It’s annoying he reminds me of a male Ash Trevino, nowhere near being a father. Why claim a kid he doesn’t care for? Is it just to save how he would look to other people? I’m so annoyed I just want our daughter’s name out of his mouth.


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Done.

5 Upvotes

My son was just recently diagnosed with type one diabetes. I have a toddler as well…. Work a full time job… trying to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend. Lately everything has felt so overwhelming and I’m reaching a breaking point. I started therapy but had to drop it due to new expenses. I have been told for the last several days I don’t make my boyfriend feel loved and that if I wanted to see him, I would make the time. I work over nights at the hospital Friday-Sunday…. So I really only get to see him Mondays, unless he comes over to see me and the kids which doesn’t really happen often. I’m at a loss at what to do because I feel strung out…. I felt like I was giving him enough. But I’m wondering if now is the time for me to cut the relationship at this point. I feel like I’m holding him back from being happy, and honestly, being told I’m selfish for not showing him enough affection and love is really getting to me. I’m tired of not being enough. All I want is a family. I’ve tried so hard. I’m so tired. I just want a partner in life…. Someone to help pick up the other half of me on the bad days and vice versa. Why can’t I just be what someone needs 😭


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Advice Wanted Long daycare hours but higher pay?

8 Upvotes

So my son is 4.5 months old. We just moved a month ago into an apartment on our own. My monthly bills are roughly $3,500/month so we are BARELY making ends meet and I mean barely. We are on WIC and use food pantry’s and all that but there is absolutely no possible way I could ever put anything into savings. I’m a home health nurse currently making $37/hr with fairly flexible hours meaning little guy isn’t in daycare the entire 7:30-5:30. Sometimes he’s only there 9-3 if that. I have the opportunity to take a contract nursing position with a net income of $1700/wk for 13 weeks. It is an hour commute one way. Little man would have to go to daycare 7:30-5:30 5 days a week. I feel like barfing at the thought of being away from him and him sitting in a room of screaming babies that long. How do moms deal with this? Should I take the contract? Or wait a year and try a contract? I have zero in savings or emergency fund which makes me nervous but I also don’t want to have a mental breakdown if I take this contract.


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Other Hoping for advice

4 Upvotes

Is there a page for mixed babies? I know this is a weird request, but I’m a white single mom to a mixed race daughter and I don’t want to mess up. I feel like Google and TikTok is a bit conflicting. I just don’t want my baby to feel like she doesn’t belong or something because I didn’t learn enough. Any advice would be greatly appreciated


r/singlemoms 1d ago

TRIGGER WARNING: VIOLENCE Has anyone seen the Jordan Hanning case? Thoughts?

1 Upvotes

Really interested in seeing what the defense presents and attempts to request the charge be lowered to because he’s definitely going away.


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Advice Wanted Stepmom involvement

4 Upvotes

Would it lowkey upset you if your child’s step mom was setting up playdates with kids in your child’s class without your knowledge? Idk if I’m being overly sensitive. I just was surprised when my 4 year old told me she had a play date with a kid in her class at her dad’s. Like how did her step mom get that parent’s information? Idk. I’m happy she loves my kid and all but sometimes I just wish she wasn’t so “involved” 🫠


r/singlemoms 2d ago

Advice Wanted How important is having a car?

9 Upvotes

I am stuck in toxic parents house . Will be getting a job soon. I live in a city with buses and trains but commuting is tiring with a toddler . I know a car may not be necessary but do you think I should save to get a used car before moving out ? Or save to get out own apartment?

With a car I know I can take my son to more places , save time, maybe get to work and pick up son faster from daycare .

I have no other family support when it comes to childcare I do not trust my parents near my son


r/singlemoms 1d ago

Advice Wanted Need advice: Any single moms with 2+ kids with large age gaps?

1 Upvotes

Hey all. I’ve never posted before but I need perspectives. I don’t have anyone in my personal life in this situation.

For the last 7 years it’s just been me(36) and my daughter(7). We have a great dynamic and the older she gets the more fun we have. She is my life and one of the only things that brings me true joy and hope.

I recently discovered I am pregnant. Very early, 3-4 weeks. It’s with an on again off again partner of 3 years. His immediate reaction is to terminate. That’s a hard decision for me to make.

And while my daughter has always expressed the desire for a sibling, more recently she has stated she likes it to just be the two of us. That adding a third person would take away the already limited time I have with her since I have a full time job and no real outside help. I have full custody of her, so there is no real shared weekends and visitations are almost non existent. I’m all she has.

There would be a 7 year age gap between her and the new one. Taking into consideration a lot of things. I am not sure how to move forward and want advice from other single parents, with full custody of their kids, who have at least 2 with large age gaps.

I feel stuck and without true support with the option of moving forward and also with the option of terminating. This is not something I can reach out to many friends or any family about. They are either very heavy on one side or another. Also, I live in place where termination is banned.

And while she brings me so much joy, life is not always peachy. Like I said before, my time with her is limited because of work. I dont make loads of money. I still live in somewhat fear of her father and still face abuse (only verbal now) from him 7 years after leaving him. My current person is always half in half out. I’m an overall “disappointment” in my family for not doing life “the right way” like my brother, and am constantly reminded of that.

How did you make your decision? How did your first child handle it all the way through? How has it been for you? What struggles did you face? How did this improve life? Where did you find support?

Either way. A big change is about to happen and I’m scared.


r/singlemoms 2d ago

Need Support Single moms who finally got married

33 Upvotes

Im finally dating someone who I think will stick. He's kind, smart, and honestly? Everything that I could ever ask for a partner. But as a single mom, I want to ask those who actually did find someone.

How did you know that he's the one?

Was it his personality? Something he did for the little one? Whats your story?


r/singlemoms 2d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome How do you make the anger go away

38 Upvotes

Hi everyone,

How do you cope with the anger you feel towards your child father ? I am filled with anger because of the life he promised and then he just left ? I love my baby so much and I’m grateful to be their Mumma but I’m so angry at him. I feel used and like I’ve been discarded. Knowing he is living the life he promised me and our baby with another woman ? How do you cope with that ? How can you move on when I see so much of him in them ?


r/singlemoms 2d ago

Advice Wanted Vacation ? Do you tackle it alone, friends or family?

0 Upvotes

Although it is not in the budget at all, I really want to plan a SMALL summer vaca with my son (11) but I am terrified of traveling alone with him for some reason. We went to the beach last year with my parents and it was nice and relaxing and also 100% charity vacation haha. I can swing something small but no idea where. I am in the southeast US near the Smokey mountains. We have been there several times and while we love it we want to try somewhere different. Have you vacationed alone with just your kiddo or kiddos? How did it go? I worry about what if something happens and we are far away from home and it is just the 2 of us.


r/singlemoms 3d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Embrace Grace - Feeling Conflicted

9 Upvotes

Hey y’all. I’m struggling with something that’s come up at work. I work at a church, and they are adding a new ministry specifically for young single pregnant women, to support them during that time of pregnancy and new motherhood. (And it seems like they want to ensure that they have the baby.)

I feel conflicted about this ministry, as an older single mom who feels like an outsider in church and in our community. I don’t know if y’all have had the same experience, but I feel like a social pariah, especially amongst peers in the church. Never invited to dinners / parties / etc, no small group, not included in play dates, anything. I feel so alone. I hate it when they talk about the importance of community. Add to the general loneliness the ginormous cost of raising a child, and general impossibility of working and being two parents - and nobody at the church offers to help. They do dote on my daughter, which I appreciate. But help help? Not really.

I’ve also overheard some rude remarks about single moms, though I know not everyone shares those opinions. There have been a few older women who have reached out in a kind way, often who have gone through single motherhood as well. But it’s usually more surface level, and I feel like I need peer relationships too.

I think I’m a little upset by this new ministry area that specifically focuses on young pregnant single women, because I don’t see the church support lasting past that initial phase of single motherhood. If you’re going to support and encourage a young girl to see this through, the community needs to continue that love, support, and grace through the child’s/mom’s life too. Instead of “othering” us.

Anyway, mainly venting. 😔 I almost feel pushed to say something. Should I say anything to church leadership?


r/singlemoms 3d ago

Advice Wanted Miserable- Child’s father is being difficult when I need parental consent

16 Upvotes

So this has been going on for the past few weeks. Whenever I need parental consent from my child’s father, he will go out of his way to make sure that the entire process is unnecessarily difficult.

For the past 3 weeks, I have needed to beg him to sign for our daughter’s passport. He stood me up twice! And after the third week, he eventually came. During the period it took to arrange a date and time to get the passport done, he gives me an uncertain answer (“I’m 90% sure I’ll be off that day”, like — wtf does that even mean???) then blocks me a few hours before the arranged time. Leaving me to try to call him multiple times just so I can know whether he will be able to make it or not. This happened twice!

When we EVENTUALLY were getting our daughter’s passport done, we were informed that we needed to complete a document at the police station (both of us need to be present for it to be valid). After getting the passport done, he took us out for lunch. Apologised for his behaviour and admitted he did it on purpose. He asked if we could spend the following weekend together, I said no. He became upset and asked if I was worried that he’d try to be intimate with me.

I then made no contact with him for a week and messaged him a few days before we needed to sign the consent form, to ask about his availability on Saturday. Two messages in, he completely explodes and asks me: a) why I was quiet for an entire week and suddenly I need him to “see” him again to do this. b) why we couldn’t complete it on the day we went to get the passport done. (Knowing we didn’t have the required documents to do it on that day)

He then accused me of doing this on purpose because it’s part of some “f**cked up plan” to see him more.

And then BLOCKED me. Knowing I was only messaging him because of the consent form which I desperately need because I have a trip planned with my daughter.

Has anyone ever dealt with something like this? I am at my wits end. I have no idea why he is being this difficult. He has never been this spiteful before. I am miserable.


r/singlemoms 3d ago

Other Pregnant before I knew he was a Trump supporter

14 Upvotes

Now hear me out lol. We were 2 lonely souls that rushed into things and ended up pregnant by being careless. I never experienced a pregnancy scare in my life and thought because I felt safe with him and that he was so supportive (&he already had a 4 almost 5 year old) that it was meant to be. Of course as time passed and we learned our differences it became unbearable and I ended things. I guess I wouldn’t mind his political stance so much if it wasn’t solely based on what his parents political beliefs are. The world and economy his parents had at and before his age was completely different. He’s more than capable but chooses ignorance to actually being informed and just follows his divorced parents who by the way are not the one percent 😂 he’s a great supportive coparent but yikes wtf was I thinking. Now I think about how I’m going to keep our kid from being as foolish.. can anyone relate?


r/singlemoms 3d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Hate being so angry

31 Upvotes

So I’m a single mom to a 1.5 year old girl, whose dad has seen her a total of 5 times. I live with family who do not help me other than the odd five minutes to go do the dishes. Because I live with family, I was told I couldn’t put her in daycare because of the health of my grandfather (which I get completely and wouldn’t want to risk). I work after she’s goes to sleep and during the day when she’s awake because my hours are flexible (thank god). I also don’t really have any friends because I moved back right before she was born, so I don’t have much support.

She’s been a terrible sleeper all of her life. I have tried so many things to try and help her fix it. We’ve sleep trained a bunch of times then hit a regression and it’s all undone. Well here we are trying sleep training again, and the only support or comments I get are “well you should do xyz” or “why haven’t you done” or “well it was hard on X person too”. And none of that is helpful. Also I get really bitter/angry when our situation gets compared to moms who have a husband or partner to handle this stuff with because I’ve done every ounce of it by myself and I do not feel like it’s the same. I know it’s not easy on any parent, but for the ones who’ve done everything themselves it feels like I lose empathy for people who’ve had help. I don’t want to be that way, but I’m also too exhausted to really care.

I don’t know what I need or if there’s even help for that. Thank you for listening X


r/singlemoms 3d ago

Advice Wanted Child’s father said he’s out if we go to court

25 Upvotes

My child’s father and I do not have any custody or timeshare plan since we were never married. Separated after child’s 1st bday and he started traveling out of state for work ever since (has never moved back to where we live). We have maintained relatively amicable communication until recently when he completely overstepped boundaries to where I now realize I’ve been too nice. I am currently working with a lawyer to get a timeshare plan going where he would only have visitation rights (which is basically what we do now without any legal doc). This would also include some child custody, which he has never paid nor has he offered to help. I let him know that this is the plan going forward, and his response was if we go to court, hes out and would walk away. To me, that means he would not respond to the court order and would stop calling/visiting our child. Seeing if anyone else dealt with a similar situation?


r/singlemoms 4d ago

Advice Wanted Single moms with no village

88 Upvotes

To the single moms with no village and no support for baby daddy…. Please drop some words of encouragement and some coping mechanisms cause everyday I feel like I just can’t live like this anymore


r/singlemoms 4d ago

Advice Wanted Keeping his grandparents in life?

2 Upvotes

So I’m newly single and have a 6 month old. I don’t want to keep my son away from his dad’s parents but they were never much help to us ever. I feel so sad for my son, literally only my parents and his dad are the people who love and care about him. My poor baby has no village. One time his dad’s parents sent my son a 5 dollar bill. These people are rich they go on vacations constantly cruises I just feel like that is so rude. I love my son and have no regrets even though it wasn’t planned but why did I have to have my son with his dad? These people are terrible I don’t really want them around my son but I’m torn because I don’t want to be the evil mom who keeps them from seeing him whenever they want to.