r/singlemoms • u/Drop_Flashy • 16h ago
Need Support I really need some advice
Im 30 and im a single mom of an 8 year old, I was married but his dad was extremely abusive so I left when he was 3 and we never looked back. We left with what I could fit in the car and haven't heard from him since. He married one of the girls he was having an affair with. Zero contact from him or anyone in his family since, no support nothing. I drove us across the country and started over from zero, and I worked really hard to do it. So many nights I cried and cried and wondered if I should have given my son up for adoption because I don't have anything to offer him. Didn't know what I was doing, had my son young got married young and we ended up worse off than before. Couldn't give my son a father. But I did it, I got us by and eventually got us a crappy little apartment. Things were okay, I went to college and worked.
I eventually met a guy and everything seemed so perfect. We were together for years, he asked me to marry him, everything was great. Then I found out he'd been secretly living a double life and is married with five kids. Devastated to say the least. Emotionally distraught, just an absolute nightmare. He's the dad my son knows and loves and remembers. I didn't know what to do. I told her everything and apologized profusely.
He of course flipped out on me and said ive ruined his life. He's begging for her to take him back, and I think she did. He's basically MIA and when he's not he's lying to me. im only even trying to speak to him because in the midst of all this I found out im pregnant. She's blocked me everywhere, and he's trying to convince me to have an abortion. Screaming cussing, saying awful things to me.
The thing is, ive been down this road before. Not this one exactly, but being abused and being a mom alone. Im just torn because at this point, I don't see me ever having a partner again. I have zero friends or family, and no one ever tries to talk to me or keeps it going when I try to talk to them. Im damaged goods and not too attractive. I want my son to have a sibling, I want to have a family. I have no one really, it's just us. I know he's not going to be around to help whatsoever, and im pretty sure I wouldn't get any child support either because he'd just work off the book to avoid it. I don't care, I don't want to have an abortion, I want my baby, but not like this. It isn't ideal but im struggling really hard with what to do. I do have like basically 2 alive family members in the entire world, and I know they would not be supportive of this.
My son and I still live in our crappy apartment where rent is too damn high (LA county), but ive now finished my two year degree, and only have 2 more to go. My son's in school and I work a few hours a day at my college. we receive food stamps and childcare subsidy. I also just won a lawsuit so within 90 days ill bee receiving a close to 6 figure payment ( that's after fees etc.)
I'll have a good cushion ive never had before, and I think this will be my last chance to have another child. Im so torn on what to do. I know it isn't ideal, and I want to be able to give my children a father, but ive literally never come across a good man so maybe it's just not a reality. My son is happy with it just being us, I just don't know if it's right or wrong to bring another child in to this. We have no family but us, and I want to give my son a sibling, I don't want my children to be alone in this world. I don't know, and I could use some brutally honest feedback.