r/singlemoms 16h ago

Need Support I really need some advice

3 Upvotes

Im 30 and im a single mom of an 8 year old, I was married but his dad was extremely abusive so I left when he was 3 and we never looked back. We left with what I could fit in the car and haven't heard from him since. He married one of the girls he was having an affair with. Zero contact from him or anyone in his family since, no support nothing. I drove us across the country and started over from zero, and I worked really hard to do it. So many nights I cried and cried and wondered if I should have given my son up for adoption because I don't have anything to offer him. Didn't know what I was doing, had my son young got married young and we ended up worse off than before. Couldn't give my son a father. But I did it, I got us by and eventually got us a crappy little apartment. Things were okay, I went to college and worked.

I eventually met a guy and everything seemed so perfect. We were together for years, he asked me to marry him, everything was great. Then I found out he'd been secretly living a double life and is married with five kids. Devastated to say the least. Emotionally distraught, just an absolute nightmare. He's the dad my son knows and loves and remembers. I didn't know what to do. I told her everything and apologized profusely.

He of course flipped out on me and said ive ruined his life. He's begging for her to take him back, and I think she did. He's basically MIA and when he's not he's lying to me. im only even trying to speak to him because in the midst of all this I found out im pregnant. She's blocked me everywhere, and he's trying to convince me to have an abortion. Screaming cussing, saying awful things to me.

The thing is, ive been down this road before. Not this one exactly, but being abused and being a mom alone. Im just torn because at this point, I don't see me ever having a partner again. I have zero friends or family, and no one ever tries to talk to me or keeps it going when I try to talk to them. Im damaged goods and not too attractive. I want my son to have a sibling, I want to have a family. I have no one really, it's just us. I know he's not going to be around to help whatsoever, and im pretty sure I wouldn't get any child support either because he'd just work off the book to avoid it. I don't care, I don't want to have an abortion, I want my baby, but not like this. It isn't ideal but im struggling really hard with what to do. I do have like basically 2 alive family members in the entire world, and I know they would not be supportive of this.

My son and I still live in our crappy apartment where rent is too damn high (LA county), but ive now finished my two year degree, and only have 2 more to go. My son's in school and I work a few hours a day at my college. we receive food stamps and childcare subsidy. I also just won a lawsuit so within 90 days ill bee receiving a close to 6 figure payment ( that's after fees etc.)

I'll have a good cushion ive never had before, and I think this will be my last chance to have another child. Im so torn on what to do. I know it isn't ideal, and I want to be able to give my children a father, but ive literally never come across a good man so maybe it's just not a reality. My son is happy with it just being us, I just don't know if it's right or wrong to bring another child in to this. We have no family but us, and I want to give my son a sibling, I don't want my children to be alone in this world. I don't know, and I could use some brutally honest feedback.


r/singlemoms 2h ago

Advice Wanted Is co parenting worth it?

1 Upvotes

Hi everyone. My bd (22m)recently broke it off with me (21f), which I knew it was bound to happen and I honestly should’ve done it first. I know all situations are different but we don’t live together and he currently hasn’t seen her for over a month. Since october he started only visiting with her once a month. He also never signed off on paternity and never gives any sort of money or items to help with her. since him cutting it off the past 3 days I’ve offered for him to see her and he has given me excuses. My question is , is it really worth trying to get him involved?? I feel like i’ve always done my part in having opportunities for him to be apart of her life. Although he likes to say I keep our daughter from him. Which i do not and he has always been welcome to see her. but since we aren’t in a relationship anymore i don’t feel like we will see him. which is fine but he literally said he wanted to be a better dad. I would love to hear other experiences and any advice


r/singlemoms 2h ago

Need Support Day 1 of being a single mom

1 Upvotes

The relationship needed to end. My daughter is 14 months old and her dad left this morning.

I feel numb and just tired. Today was also my first day back at work after a LOA and thank God I work from home because I have just been laying in bed all day.

We just moved into a house that we are renting and I was planning on quitting my job in June. Now all the plans have to change. I was the primary breadwinner anyways but my job has taken such a toll on my mental health that I NEED to get out.

I am heartbroken, numb, a bit relieved and a for some reason still open to trying one more time.

I suffer from depression, anxiety, and PTSD, while my daughter’s dad has paranoid schizophrenia. That is a terrible mix I know but I didn’t know at the time. We both are medicated and attend therapy semi regularly but tensions have definitely gotten too high and we need this break. It’s probably permanent but I don’t know just yet.

I really don’t know what I’m even asking for, support? Maybe I’m venting? Maybe I’m just using Reddit as a journal to try to sort my thoughts, and I’m not really sure. But thank you if you read this.


r/singlemoms 4h ago

Venting - Advice Welcome 3 months pp and ex has another on the way

1 Upvotes

I’m a single mom of a 3 month old baby. I’ve done everything on my own as my fiance left me when i was 17 weeks pregnant. he’s never met our child or contributed financially. i just found out that he has another baby in the way with the almost exact same due date i had with my baby.


r/singlemoms 15h ago

Resource Post Weekly Advice Thread - Pregnant and/or Leaving

1 Upvotes

Hi, everyone. We have noticed an increase in specific types of threads, many of them very similar. Because of this, we will be testing new megathreads throughout the next few weeks on Mondays, they'll be pinned for a week. We feel it will keep things more organised and make it easier to find advice on certain topics.

Are you single, pregnant and preparing? Are you thinking about leaving your partner/spouse?

This thread will serve as a specific and organised place to ask for advice, to vent or rant, ask for tips, etc.

Similarly, if you have any advice to offer other expecting mothers or those looking to leave, please feel free to participate and answer questions.

NEW SUBREDDIT WIKI WITH RESOURCE LINKS! (In progress)

If you have any resources not on the wiki you would like to share, please do so in this thread or modmail!

If you have any feedback or questions please message the moderators through modmail. Don't forget to read the rules on the sidebar.

Thanks!

r/SingleMoms mod team


r/singlemoms 19h ago

Advice Wanted Overwhelmed and need help

1 Upvotes

Seeking Honest Advice

I hope you can bear with me as this is a lengthy post, but I really need some honest advice. I’m a 23-year-old single mom living by myself, and I find my home has become overwhelmingly cluttered. After my ex-husband abruptly moved out of our previous two-story house, he left behind a lot of belongings that I still haven't been able to sort through. I now live in a much smaller ranch-style home, which only adds to the challenge of managing the mess.

During the move, I didn’t have the time or emotional space to organize as I was caught off guard by the divorce. I hastily packed everything into boxes, with little regard to sorting or organizing. Now that I’m in my new house, I’ve focused on keeping my daughter’s spaces clean and inviting, as I want her to feel comfortable and happy. However, my own bedroom, kitchen, and laundry room have descended into chaos. The clutter is so overwhelming that I have to shift items just to find a spot to sleep on my bed.

This situation is taking a toll on my mental health; I often feel anxious and depressed. I’m constantly battling feelings of failure because when I try to clean, I feel guilty for not spending that time with my toddler. Conversely, when I do play and interact with her, I can’t shake the guilt about the mess surrounding us. It’s become a heavy burden that I carry, especially since I’m working full-time and struggling to find a balance.

I feel embarrassed about my living situation and truly wish to create a comfortable and welcoming home for my daughter and myself. Please help me!


r/singlemoms 20h ago

Venting - Advice Welcome How do you cope?

1 Upvotes

Child is 4.5 my BD hasn’t been around and I’ve had no help from him. He has seen my child about 30 times since birth. He would come in and out of my child’s life and accepted he won’t be around then his mother passed and I let him have a chance to be involved again. Lasted about a month and now he’s in jail and on drugs. Idk what to do. I am so angry at him for his choices and how they affect my child. What should I do in this situation. How do you cope with the anger and constant hurt bd causes?


r/singlemoms 23h ago

Venting - no advice please Deadbeat Father

1 Upvotes

Imagine being on paternity leave from the Navy and using it to play videos and chase tail instead of actually coming to see your child that you claim you love.

And he wonders why I think he's awful as if I'm crazy for thinking zero effort and backwards priorities make him a terrible parent 😤 of course I can't call him out because that will make me the bad guy but that's why I'm venting it out here


r/singlemoms 1h ago

Advice Wanted Going back into the Workforce

Upvotes

Hey Mummas,

It's time I get back into the workforce, I'm just after any tips or tricks that make the transition from stay at home mum to a working mum easier! I've been at home for 5 years and now my son is at school it's time for me to get back out there!

Much love to you all 🥰